Her Majesty Queen Kelly Of The New Town She Lives In And The Case Of The Haunted Pig Barn.

October 30, 2018

Hello my lovelies, your queen has finally calmed herself enough to tell you about the apparently haunted barn that I work in.

Now, your Queen is not prone to hysterics of any kind and I have a cold hard rock for a heart so things just do not frighten me.  It irks people that I am so unflappable.  I have walked down to the barn in the pitch black to check to make sure I did something, I pay zero attention to the weird noises that just randomly sound from  out of no where.  When the mice come calling, I catch them and let them go.  I certainly don’t jump up on a desk and scream.  I’m talking to you Carey.

So yesterday I went into the barn as per usual and walked into a laundry room underneath two feet of water.  So I sloshed through it to get my barn boots and discovered that there was also a puddle of water directly in the middle of my office.  This was decidedly strange because it was just there.  There was no leak line from under the wall, no water trail, just a puddle in the middle of the office.

So, not being a hysterical person I took a picture and cleaned it up which took the better part of two hours, that is how much water there was.  I assumed the washing machine had come unlocked somehow and that is how the water got there.  I had a load in when I left the barn the night before.  I cursed myself resoundingly for leaving a load of laundry going when I left and left it at that.  My stupidity.  I finished my days work, checked to make sure there was no laundry going and went inside for the night.  I had had a long day and didn’t go out and check the barn that night and hind sight being 20/20 I should have.

I walked in this morning to a worse mess than I had on Monday and I was furious.  It is so much wasted time to have to clean it up.  It was exactly the same.  And I was PISSED.  I’m like “seriously, what the actual fuck.” We are talking about enough water for two hours at least worth of work, never mind all the shit that got we or ruined or both.  I texted the boss of all bosses to apprise him of the situation and carried on about my day the whole time turning over an over in my head how this was happening.  The answer was obvious.  Ghosts.  Ghosts were fucking with me.  I figured I was setting a bad example as a queen if I didn’t at least try and catch the fucking thing. So I did all my regular work for the day and proceeded to wait for senor Ghost to make an appearance.  So I double checked that the machine was empty and I closed the door and made sure it was closed.  I waited, I did paperwork and watched some law and order off of my thumb drive while waiting.  In hindsight once I caught it I would have probably have been truly fucked.  Ghosts are mostly not friendly from what I hear.

Then when I was just about to give up, I heard it.  The washing machine which is a front loader by the way clicked and the door opened and about 5 gallons of water spilled out with no end in sight.  I immediately turned all the water to the machine off, and cursing resoundingly yet again I got the fucking mop.  I told that washer where exactly I was going to stick that broom if it didn’t knock it off and I told the laundry demon to depart right now or he was getting the other end of the mop.

So it would seem that the check valve that lets water in when you are doing laundry has gone tits up and it just lets water in whether the machine is doing a load of laundry or not.  So, I asked the machine politely if it would like to be crushed and turned into a waffle iron and told the demon I had no problem turning him into one as well.  After that I turned off all the water and waited some more.  After an hour I decided that the washing machine demon had departed.  It is probably living in my toaster now.  I will find out next time I make toast.  If I get devil faces I guess I know where it went.

In some actual real news, Robert Durst is going to have to stand trial for the murder of his friend and hopefully for his wife as well although she was not mentioned  in the news that I watched.  That trial I am going to cover for two reasons.  Firstly, this woman deserves some justice and Secondly because Robert Durst is completely off of his nut and I love crazy people trials.

That’s it for tonight

RBMD peacing the fuck out


Fun With Pig Farming

October 29, 2018

Hello my lovelies.  Your Queen has decided to get down and dirty, like really fucking dirty and do normal people shit instead of eating crumpets in the tower.  Oh almost forgot the rest of my CV so sorry.  Horse whisperer, dog lactation consultant, puppy resuscitation expert, lover of all things four legged, and I get three new titles today, savior of dying pigs, royal sovereign of making the stupid fucking auger work and by proclamation of someone that is a way higher paygrade than me, producer of some exceptional swine.

Pigs are fun.  In a Michael Myers/Freddy Kruger/Jason Vorheese type of way.  If you don’t know just google it.  The babies get sick a lot, it is unfortunately unavoidable, and if they are salvageable they have to get antibiotics. It  can’t be avoided and they start to resent the needles they get a hundred or so times a day.  I caught one trying to stuff himself under a feeder when he saw me coming.  But baby pigs are manageable.  See, they are too short to reach above the top of your boots to bite you.  And they really, really want to bite you.  I have 2400 babies.  That are all waiting to get bigger so they can eat me.

Then I have the, we will call them teenagers.  Remember how much fun a 17 year old with an attitude is.  Now put that on four legs with a battering ram head and about a million teeth.  And they will try and hit you at the back of the knees to knock you down.  You do not EVER want to go down in a hog pen.  If you make it out you are going to be seriously fucked up.  Anyway, part of my job is to walk the pens of the teens every day and make sure nobody is down or sick or just being a general dick to the other pigs.  There are exactly 1000 of them divided into 6 pens so there are a lot of pigs per pen.  And the thing they want most in life is to see what I taste like.  I keep telling them I taste bad but they ain’t buying it.  I got hog bit bad the other day, enough to draw blood, and then just for added fun I discovered that once they have you they shake their heads like a dog trying to rip a hunk of you off.  So basically my job is to make sure they stay alive and their job is to kill me.

they are crazy smart too.  Because standing in a pig pen all day has got to suck balls they got creative and created there very own slip and slide bowling alley.  they made a runway out of shit and urine and the pens are really long so one gets to the top and waits for about 4 pigs to stand around and then it goes tearing down the slip and slide, drops about 20 feet from the four totally oblivious pigs and sees how many it can take out.  I laughed my ass off first couple of times they did it.  they think it is hysterical.

I also have 500 old timers.  These are the ones you have to watch out for.  I have made friends with as many of them as possible.  They are unpredictable and they are also huge.  Like 300+ lbs huge.  With a mouth full of razor blades.  I have a can filled with beads that I shake when I am in their pens because I have to be in their pens and it keeps them away.  I personally think it is from when they were wild and rattle snakes were a problem because that is the sound it makes.  The old timers will be moving on soon and I l’ll either get another load of babies or teens.  Please god let it be babies.

There is a lot of stuff that goes into pig farming.  You have to constantly monitor the water, check every waterer in the barn, (there are 425 and I have to physically check each one every day) you have to make sure the feed augers are working and if they are not, because they hate me, you have to bucket feed for a billion hogs.  They are working right now, Saturday they were not and it took me almost 6 hours just to feed. Green barn auger went down because a bird somehow got in it and got itself spread out all over my  feed, my barn and my pigs.  Jammed up my auger till I eventually hit it hard enough that it fell out.  Well, what was left of it fell out.

Their are vaccinations (and just on a side note not one single pig so far has gotten autism from pig vaccine.  There are needle vaccines, water vaccines, food vaccines and I have to see to all of that.  I have to keep the barn clean which is like telling someone living in a melting house to keep the water off of the floor.

I am very serious about my biosecurity so if you are coming into my barn you are having a shower at my barn and wearing clothing that has been washed in.  your clothing stays on hooks outside of the bio zone.

It is a lot of work, which I enjoy.  I have to be on my toes all the time which is good for my brain because forgetting for a second what these can do could be disaster.  I don’t have to deal with people,  It is a seven day a week job although on weekends technically I am just supposed to make sure they have food and water.  Yeah right cuz that is how I roll.  I can always find something to do in the barn.  When the barn is finished I will have another 4 to 6 thousand hogs in it.  I see a lot of long days in my future.   and I like it here.  I think I’ll stay.

RBMD peacing the fuck out

A Change Of Fortunes

October 27, 2018

Hello my loyal subjects, tis me, your wayward queen back for some startling news updates.

So in a nutshell I don’t do people.  I am agoraphobic (and yes I know most of you know), and Have severe PTSD and Battered spouse syndrome (and again I know most of you know.

I got extremely depressed about the house maybe being taken and went way into my head for a bit.  I find interesting things there sometimes and I found me a doozy this time.  I can work with animals, actually went to school for it.  Animal Sciences for the win.

Just for shits and giggles I applied for a job at a pig farm that was not supposed to start till December as support staff.  So I got an email back asking if I was aware of that and said yes and asked how many people worked there and when I was told I was shocked at the amount of people and was about to politely nope out when she says how would you feel about running a swine farm elsewhere.  I asked if anyone else worked there and they said nope, nuh uh, it would just be me till the barn was full then I could hire someone or they would provide someone my choice according to my contract.

I know a lot about Swine.  Swine helped pay for my house actually.  There are a lot of new diseases than there were in the 80’s and 90’s but it is basically same shit different day.  So I said I would interview.  I took a Lot of anti-anxiety medication for that interview.

I was genuinely pleased to meet to of the nicest people you could just randomly meet.  I gave them the rundown of what I know about pigs, about dealing with the government, about rules and regulations and I thought it went well.  Then they asked if I wanted to see the farm and of course I did so we went.  45 minutes from my house to here.  they had weaners in the barn already so somebody was having to make two trips a day to check on them.  I thought the interview went well, I was a little concerned because everything in the barn was built for tall people and I’m 4’11.  I need a stick to reach some of the light switches.  Plus I’m sure the thought of how I was going to move a 200kg downer crossed their minds.  I’m brilliant that is how.

It was between me and another guy and I assumed they would go with the guy just because more muscle and he was way taller than me.

I have to tell you, I cried when they called and told me they would love to offer me the position.  I could not say yes fast enough.  Oh and the job comes with a house.  An enormous house.  so I just walk outside to my work every day.

Got everything moved finally, got a bin for the garbage and for the roofing shingles that are coming off next week so the roof can be done, then I am renovating the house I own and selling it to pay my back taxes and  investing the rest.

the work is very physical and I am tired and sore and you have not lived until you have been hog bitten.  That really hurts.  I have also cut myself on a piece of metal inside a feeder and gotten more rips and tears in my skin than I care to count and it is all worth it.

Farming is in my blood and even when I hate it I love it.

Love and miss you all

RBMD peacing the fuck out

Chris Piece of Shit Watts Is Going To Have a Trial

August 25, 2018

4th Circle of Hell currently making my way to the 5th Circle

Hello my lovelies.  It is me, pretend Judge, totally awesome fake lawyer (let’s be honest I am a better lawyer than most people that have passed the bar), dog lactation consultant, horse whisperer, author of the big book of words and as always Queen of all I Survey.

I come to you today to tell you that your queen has been very busy working on this whole family murdering bastard thing.  The entire day actually.  I have called in a few favors and the consensus  is that Chris Watts is going to trial.  He is going to argue diminished capacity (huge shock I know) but barring a last minute plea deal to spare that poor father who I will be very surprised if he does not take his own life, Chris is going to get what is coming to him.  Unfortunately it won’t be the electric chair with a metal suppository shoved up his ass.

Chris fuck face was having an affair as I am sure you are all aware by now.  He was also a complete control freak, so much so that he ordered his wife who had Lupus for Christ’s sake to have another baby.  She was understandably frightened, but as so many abused women do, she agreed.  A baby that will never be born.  Sadly, there are no laws on the books for babies that are not viable outside the mothers womb so he gets a freebee on that one.

I don’t know how many of you watched his press conference where he had the unmitigated gaul to tell the world that his family was everything to him and that the house was so empty without them and he just wanted them back safe.  Well, at least the part about the house being empty was true at least until his tart came over.

I have nothing but rage against this woman who was well aware he was married and chose to have a relationship with him anyway.  for all we know she is the one who set this all in motion with the “if you don’t leave your wife I won’t fuck you anymore.”  Oh I do hate me some home wreckers.  I hope she has an STI and I hope he gets it and I hope it’s the flesh eating variety.

So many ruined lives and so many lives no more.  Shananns father will never ever be the same I guarantee it.  I have never seen such raw emotion, such raw pain and I’ve been doing trials for a long, long time.  Fuckfaces family is in tatters and even they don’t believe him.  Their friends are wrecks.  The carnage in the wake of this is almost incomprehensible.

There is a rumor the tart is shopping around a book which I encourage you to NEVER EVER BUY BECAUSE IT IS BLOOD MONEY AND EVERYTHING IS GOING TO COME OUT IN THE WASH ANYWAY.  Don’t support this woman.

Chris thought originally he’d report them missing, wait the allotted amount of time, have them declared dead and collect the insurance.  Unfortunately his story was really stupid and it unraveled very quickly, hence plan B.  blame the wife.  A wife who was completely devoted to her family and her husband who she by all accounts genuinely loved.

The wheels of justice grind slowly my children so we probably have at least a year and and maybe more.  we are going to have to find something else to amuse ourselves with so pick a trial and I will write about it.  Give me something good.  Something with some bite, something we can all get into.

That is it for tonight

really Big Mean Dog Peacing the Fuck out

My Property Tax Bill

August 24, 2018

tax bill

I have no choice but to ask again.  I am what one might call desperate.  I am making myself sick over it.  Please donate something, anything a dollar, five dollars, whatever.  I do not have the means on my income to pay this bill.  I am begging you all to please help me.  or if you don’t like go fund me you can e transfer to

Thank you.

No Tears Were Shed By The Murdering Bastard, But Shananns Father Shed Enough For All Of Us

August 22, 2018

3rd Circle of Hell, currently working on 4th

My lovelies, I am having a hard time with this one just because of the sheer stupidity of the defense.

Here is what I think happened.  Chris Watts is a piece of shit.  We all know this.  He is however a special kind of piece of shit because thanks to the magic of social media nothing is secret anymore and it was obvious that Shanann worshiped the man that ultimately ended her life.  She thought her life was perfect.  Even with Lupus, which is a horrible debilitating disease her outlook was one of sunshine and happiness at the perfection that was her life.  She loved her children, she loved her son of a bitch husband and she loved her life.  she was even excited though scared about the new life inside her, one her douche bag husband talked her into having; probably hoping this would be the one that killed her.  Chris was having an affair and planned on leaving Shanann for the other woman.  He was likely pissed because he missed a booty call due to the extreme delay in Shananns flight.  She got home at 2:15 ish according to her friend because Mr wonderful couldn’t put the kids in the car and go get her.  Oh that would be because they were already dead.  Mr. Watts doesn’t seen to understand forensic science and that the coroner is going to be able to pinpoint a time of death and I think they had been dead for a while.  He probably said they were sleeping.  Likely as a loving mother she crept in to give them a gentle kiss goodnight because she had missed them and discovered they were cold and dead and that is when the cocksucker decided to choke the life out of shanann.  She fought, likely hard as seen by the scratches clearly visible on his neck.  He gave his infamous press conference in which they were his entire world and he just wanted them back and a first year forensic student could tell his affect was so fucking wrong it defied description.  I knew he did it as soon as I saw it.  so instead of calling the police and saying my wife killed my kids he kills her, covers up his crime, places two babies in barrels full of oil to obfuscate any DNA evidence and buries his wife and unborn child in a shallow grave.  Yup, father of the century.  At his preliminary hearing there was absolutely no emotion except for Shananns Father who could not help but wail.  His tears haunt me.  He very obviously loved his daughter and grandchildren more than himself and I fear he may take his own life so deep is his despair. If the DA makes a deal he will not be the DA for very much longer because this thing deserves the maximum penalty by law.  Have I mentioned that I fucking hate men.

Really big mean dog Peacing the fuck out.

So Let’s Talk About The Cocksucker That Just Murdered 4 People. Chris Watts

August 21, 2018

Shanann Watts returned home from a work trip after a long delay from her flight and arrived home around 2am.  Mr lying piece of shit went on national tv to tell the world that they had had an emotional conversation because all normal people who get home at 2 am do that, especially when Mr. wonderful had to be at work for 5 am.  We know he was having an affair with a co worker who has yet to be named and we can assume that all Shanann wanted was her bed.  He went on national tv and begged for them to come back, they were his world, their smiles were his heart, yada yada all the bullshit that killers say.  He had scratches all over his neck.  If you watch the conference you can see them.  Here friends got concerned when they went to her house and there was no answer and a welfare check was performed.  during that time her purse, and phone and other assorted things you take with you when you go out were discovered.

Here is a direct quote from father of the year. “Shanann, Bella, Celeste: If you’re out there, just come back. Like if somebody has her, just bring her back. I need to see everybody. … This house is not complete without anybody here. Please bring ‘em back,” he said.

The police believe that the girls and Shanann were killed inside the home although they won’t say why.

Shanann was found in a shallow grave on the property where Mr. wonderful worked and the girls were found close to the body in full oil drums which of course will mess up any DNA that may have been on the bodies.  They would also mask any smell.  The Watts were having money problems because an affair costs money you know.  My theory.  Shanann found out about the affair and was planning on leaving his ass.  Mr. Masculine could not take that particular blow to his overgrown ego and decided that that was not going to happen.

According to her face book page, he is the one that talked her into another high risk pregnancy since she had Lupus and all pregnancies are high risk when you have Lupus.  By all accounts their daughters loved their father which makes this as sick and sad as can be.

There are talks of a plea deal but we will have to wait and see because this piece of shit does not deserve a plea deal and especially if he is selling this my wife did it and I just snapped.  Also isn’t it funny that everyone was strangled.  Even if you believe that Shanann strangled the kids which I don’t.  Strangling is hard and she’d have claw marks all over her arms from the older girl fighting, suffocation with a pillow would be the way to go.  and even if that was the case why did he strangle Shanann.  He caught her in the act and didn’t smash her over the head with the first available object.  Instead he spun her around, managed to grab her by the neck and strangled her.  I call bullshit.  Large steaming amounts of bullshit.  I believe he strangled her just not the story that goes with it.  And if he caught her why could the child not be saved.  He interrupted her remember.

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