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Stabby Arias, Jenny From the Cell Block, and Alfred E. Nurmi Present: The Horrible Terrible Very Bad Day

Thunderdome Arizona

Taking a page directly from the Juan Martinez handbook entitled how to maul someone to death on a witness stand, Jenny from the Cell block tried to sound more like her secret idol “the pitbull Martinez” and less like the little yappy chihuahua that she is.  Right out of the gate both Stabby and Alfred E. Nurmi looked concerned that Jenny had somehow contracted the same strain of rabies that has had Juan foaming at the mouth for months.  The vet now kept on hand to dart Juan if necessary was not required however, as Dr Demarte told the court that while her PhD was in Psych she also had a dog handling degree.

One court observer volunteered that the exhibition of the Dr’s dog handling abilities were phenomenal.  “Honestly, I thought Jenny was going to lunge a couple of times” quipped the onlooker, “but each time she went into attack mode, the Dr calmly smacked her on the snout with a rolled up exhibit 445 and sternly said, no, bad dog, that is NOT what I said.”  Jenny from the cell block tried yapping faster and louder but the unruffled Dr continued with the negative reinforcement until with a final exhausted yap, Jenny was told to sit and with a confused cock of her head she did.

Someone took away Stabby’s crayons and she was forced to watch as her cutesy wootsey little pocket dog lost it’s mind.

Alfred E. Nurmi spent a great deal of the morning of the horrible terrible very bad day switching between sucking his thumb for comfort and trying to keep all five of his necks covered in case either one of the rabid dogs in the courtroom went for the throat.  When Jenny performed her newly learned sit behavior he almost hugged himself until he realized she was snapping in the air for a treat not for his neck.

The Vet was then given a signal from the bench By Auntie Entity, and Juan was darted without incident before re-rebuttal was started.  The calming drugs quickly took effect and while Juan still paced menacingly at times he never got much above a snarl during this part of his examination.  Who’s a good boy?  Who isssss?  Squeeeeeeee.

Next up to bat was the jury.  Some of the questions:

Juror Questions :

1. Are you single?

2.Can I have your number?

3.Hey.  How YOU doin?

4. Hypothetically, if a tree falls in  the forest and Stabby is in Arizona almost decapitating someone, does the tree make any noise?

5. If a person got attacked by a bear and she killed the bear, but then she said she was never there, and then she went on tv and said two ninja’s killed the bear, and then told the cops she killed the bear because the bear was abusing her what is the relevance of 3.14x r squared?

6. In theory if someone COULD roll over in their grave, would Einstein be doing it right now?

7. Wait, doesn’t everyone who gets blood on their hands kill someone?

8. In the interview Jodi gave where she stated, “Mark my words, no Jury will ever convict me,” do you feel that this narcissistic bitch thinks she is going to get a movie deal out of this?

9. Do you consider Jodi stabbing, shooting, and slitting Travis’ throat to be a traumatic event……….for Travis?

10. Regarding the PDS answer sheet [exhibit #555] do you know which lying for money psychologist’s  handwriting is on the PDS answer sheet?

10:  Does it cause any concern for you, regarding the validity of the test, that Stabby probably blew whomever answered as they appear to be answered by someone who is familiar with psychological verbiage and not in layman’s verbiage?

11. No, really, can I have your number?

With that Auntie Entity closed court until Tuesday.

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