Stab a fork in it, I Believe it’s Done…..

The campfire outside my trailer, Arizona

Scout Master Stephens held a really really long meeting in chambers and nothing happened allllllllllllll day.  At somewhere around forever o’clock we finally got some court in.  As soon as I saw the look on Stabby, Jenny From the Cell Block and Alfred E. Nurmi’s faces I knew it was all over but the shouting.  Which is good because eventually Juan is going to lose his voice.

Even the vet looked more relaxed and his tranquilizer gun rested on the floor instead of having a bead on the pitbull as he prowled about the floor.

Juan Called a forensic phone data guy but didn’t feel a need to start to bark as has been his way through most of the trial.  I swear he even wagged his tail once when he thought nobody was looking.  First there was a blonde haired thing, then there was a brown haired thing, magically all just before she got to Travis’ house.  The forensic guy confirmed that the pictures  came off the Heliophone and were not transferred to the heliophone.  Alfred E. Nurmi got up and actually confirmed for the state that this was indeed the case, but in Alfred E’s defense, he boarded one of the life boats yesterday and he’s just phoning it in.

Stabby is looking a little um, sick, yes sick seems to be he word that comes to mind, but I’d be feeling a little ill too if the realization that I was NOT going to pretty my way out of the death penalty had suddenly reared up and bit me in the ass.

Jenny from the Cell Block is still writing frantically either to steady herself or because she’s going down with the ship dammit.

Esteban Flores was the next witness on the “I really really want this bitch to go down” rebuttal list produced by the pitbull.  Esteban has been the co-conductor and chief dog handler on this ship of insanity.  Before we get to his testimony lets take a moment and talk about modular furniture.  Now kids, today’s lesson is, if you have to put it together yourself, most 5 year olds could do it and it is meant to be more esthetically pleasing than functional.  So, please remember, if you are planning on killing someone, never and I mean never keep the gun that doesn’t exist on the top shelf which is seven feet in the air.  You are going to have to explain at some point how you got the gun that was never there down from the shelf that was seven feet in the air and the natural believable lie would be to say you stood on one of the modular shelf that rest on four pins and the shelf is gonna tip.  Cause and effect kids.  Dig it, it’s a real thing. Einstein would tell you that physics are definitely real.   Anyway, you would not be able to get the gun that does not exist down because the shelf is gonna tip and dump you right on your blood soaked lying ass.  And then instead of inflicting a couple of more stab wounds you are going to have to waste valuable murdering time putting the shelf back and putting all the shit that was on the shelf back on it.  IKEA and wanna be stabbies can thank me later.

Detective Flores described in stunning detail, heights, widths, dimensions, and exactly what happens when one steps up on modular furniture being held up by for aluminum pins.  OMG the shelf tips, said absolutely no one EVER, except for Stabby the brown haired thing, who looked totally gobsmacked that her Einstein like mind had not thought of this.  Alfred E. came up to the plate and lobbed a ball across the plate.  Did you measure this part he asked in his most serious “god I’m so bored I want this to be over, to much work walking up to the podium” voice.  Flores lined up the ball and whacked it out of the park and somewhere into the building next door with a succinct no that wasn’t necessary and a look which clearly said, “dude, I think your drunk”. Alfred E got all snarky for a moment and pulling a page from the earlier mentioned “How to maul someone on the witness stand”  barked, “Did I ask you if it was necessary.”  Esteban actually giggled a little before he said um, no.  Esteban then answered actually reasonable questions from the jury.  Was a gun, bullets, holster, gun cleaning kit, a shoe box that could hold a gun, the outline of a gun in dust, gun residue, a receipt for a gun, or even a picture of a gun found in travis’ house.  No said Detective Flores as the defense started to quietly weep and take bong hits when no one was looking.  If stabby lifted her arms would she be able to reach to the top of the shelf to get the invisible gun.  No.  Alfred E. still working from Juan’s playbook tried the snark attack again and Flores shot him down with a quick, dude, are you high.  And with that detective Flores left the stand.


One Response to Stab a fork in it, I Believe it’s Done…..

  1. Nice job, its a great post. The info is good to know!

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