Ding Dong the Wicked Bitch is Dead – Arizona
Obviously taking a page from the Alfred E. Nurmi book How to Move Like a Tortoise for Pay, the Arias Jury took 15 hours to reach its verdict. I know we all wanted it to be faster, like 5 minutes after they went out. They did have a voluminous amount of lies to plow through to get to the little pile of truth at the very bottom though so we forgive them. Of course we do. I have been pacing, nashing, frothing at the mouth, despondent, hopeful and just before they announced the verdict drifting off to sleep. As soon as I heard “we have a” I jumped up like someone stuck a cattle prod up my ass.
We had to wait two hours for the verdict instead of the aforementioned one hour for several reasons. It was close to lunch hour. Nurmi don’t go without lunch. Stabby has to be dressed, her taser belt has to be applied and hopefully today will be the day the bailiff slips and we get to see what happens. The vet with the Tranquilizer gun had to be called. Juan had to be catch-poled and dragged up to the courtroom before his muzzle was removed. Esteban Flores had to be located and had to stop and pick up more good boy treats on his way. Jenny from the Cell Block had to be dragged away from her bong and Macy Grey collection, and thrown into a gown for the talent part of the competition. Judge Stephens had to get the minions to start shoveling coal into the train And Aerosmith was put on standby.
The crowd outside was a little less than calm when then found out there was at least a verdict to be had, and when I say less than calm what I mean is they completely lost their shit. It seemed for a moment like five people outside kept running around outside trying to help the media make it look like there were a billion people there. In reality while there was a crowd, it was a small but dedicated one. The crowd did grow exponentially within minutes of hearing that a verdict had been reached. I could type that forever. A verdict has been reached.
Every Media Outlet on the entire planet started to set up outside the courthouse just in case there was a press conference after. I think even ESPN was there just in case anyone was taking bets thus making it a sporting event.
On a side note; is it just me or does any one else wish that HLN would be sucked into the portal to hell that will inevitably open up.
While we waited for the two weeks, I mean hours we got to watch the crowd swell outside to the courthouse. Apparently word got out Aerosmith was opening. For a crowd that size I have to say they were fairly well-behaved. Unlike the case of she who will not be named in Florida, not even one fist fight broke out. The justice for Napoleon Dog was back, but he wasn’t allowed into the courthouse or fear Juan would try to maul him.
4:30 came and went and of course, we all still patiently waited.
It was worth the wait. Finally, everyone was assembled. The Judge commanded the courtroom and asked if a verdict had been reached and the bailiff had been handed the verdict form. The verdict form was rendered unto the judge and handed off to be read and recorded. “We the Jury duly sworn in the above title action find the accused Jodi Anne Arias, AKA stabby guilty of first degree murder, and premeditated murder. One by one they nailed a nail into the coffin by answering yes to is this your true verdict. The Jury all sounded very strong.
Stabby looked absolutely stunned that the Jury hadn’t believed her. Stunned. Jenny From the Cell Block waited patiently for Lucifer to appear and take the three of them back to hell and she too looked stunned when it didn’t immediately happen.
Judge Stephens then instructed the jury that the admonition remains in effect and they were to be back at the courthouse tomorrow to begin debating what day Stabby should be put down.
Congratulations to the Jury for a job well done, to the Juanderful Mr Martinez for his utter dedication and single mindedness, Esteban Flores for being the right hand of Juan the magnificent.
To the Alexander Family. Nothing will bring back Travis, but I truly hope this verdict brings you some little semblance of peace.