Lets take a tour of the Psych ward

May 11, 2013

writing with my toes on account of the straight jacket Arizona

Since we have to wait until Wednesday the 15th because Stabby is butt hurt and ermegerd  (a word uttered when even you don’t believe what you are about to say) she is suicidal, I thought it might be fun to spend the day touring the Haus that Stabby Built.  I’ve brought along the in-house psychic, and a laptop, in case we need to Skype Satan  for anything.

Ok, now before we go in here are a few words of instruction.  Don’t make any sudden movements.  Stabby will think you are about to kill her and immediately pull the knife she’s got hidden close by to stab you in self-defense.

If you are frightened at anytime, find some kind of foliage and hide behind it.  Hey it works, you can remain hidden for hours.

Do NOT under any circumstances refer to any type of cartoon character lest Stabby start screaming about abusive dwarfs.

Say hi to Alyce LaViolette.  They 5150’d her ass as soon as she was done testifying, for very obvious reasons.

Now that we have that out-of-the-way, lets begin the tour.  Over to the right we have the artistic expression table.  Most of the inmates, er patients just scribble, but not Stabby Einstein.  Her stolen traced artwork hangs prominently on the wall.  She sold it to the psych ward at a huge discount.  Something about copyright infringement.

Just past the art table, we are having a roundtable discussion about weapons that don’t exist.  Dr Fog is trying to explain that even though they don’t exist, you don’t know that because you are having an episode of traumatic amnesia.

Oh look,  Ikea is here.  They are giving a demonstration on how modular furniture and floating shelves actually work.  Ohh isn’t that nice, they are letting all the patients take turns standing on a shelf and getting tipped on their asses.

Somebody is having a one on one session  with the Foghorn Leghorn Jedi Master otherwise known as Robert Geffner.  The cool thing about that is you don’t even have to talk.  Just hand him a bunch of files from 1976 and he will write a glowing report in your favor.

If you follow me out to the south lawn, it looks like; holy shit Esteban Flores does community service too.  He is right now teaching the patients proper dog handling techniques using good boy treats and positive reinforcement.

As we round the corner back to the bus we can see some of the patients having rec time.  Oh, it looks like they are playing charades.  Come on lets play, I’m really good at this.  OK 4 words.  Umm last word Fog?  Yay fog, ok first word, overt, no  covert.  Second word issssss ummmm, mission.  Oh my god covert mission in the fog.  Hey,  wait a minute. Does that patient look suspiciously like Alfred E. Nurmi?

So there you have it folks, that’s what’s going on down at the Psych Ward. Stabby Einstein can be butt hurt all she wants;  it ain’t gonna stop Wednesday from coming.

Have a lovely Saturday.  It’s apparently some high holy day if you have a kid tomorrow so I dunno if I will be blogging, but I’m going to give it a shot

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