Oh my god MY EYES-Arizona
Well everybody I’m back from my mother of a day and ready to get back to work. Thank you in-house Psychic for that wonderful job yesterday.
Today’s post is brought to you by Gravol, because you are going to need some by the time we are finished. For today’s entry, I bring you the Stabby Diaries. These appear to all have been written post arrest and could totally be forgeries but much like Stabby, if I write it, it must be true so neener neener Stabby.
July 15, 2008 – Dear Diary. I can’t believe this. I, Me, Jodi Girl have been arrested. And with no makeup on. How could this have happened. First of all, this cop Flores, is much smarter than I gave him credit for. I keep forgetting that I am not the only person on earth and there are a very few intelligent people out there. I was shocked when he didn’t believe my totally made up bullshit about not being there. I was so convincing even I believed it. So ok, I switched tactics. I said someone else did it. The good old bushy haired stranger defense. Except without the bushy hair. And they had a misfiring gun. It was a great lie, and I should know. I cannot believe he wouldn’t go for that either. He still thinks I’m hot though. He was totally checking me out. I can use that to my advantage, because that’s what whores like me do. Hey, maybe I can slut my way out of this. Think Girl, think. Meh, whatever, right now all I want is some makeup. Later Diary.
September 5 2008 – Yay, it’s extradition day. Thank god I am getting out of this shit hole in California. I know once I’m back in Mesa I can convince these people who are so much less intelligent than me that the Ninjas did it. Wait, did I tell them Ninjas last time? Ninjas is so much better. I better add that in. Here come the guards. Sorry about where I have to hide you diary, but at least it’s nice and roomy. Later. JAA
September 11 2008 – They want me to enter a plea. Oh my god I am so above all this. Can’t someone just do it for me. I have to actually be shackled and dragged in front of some peon Judge and lie for myself. What the hell do these public defenders get paid for? Oh well, maybe it will be a male Judge and I can get this over with today. One meeting in chambers should do it. They don’t call me a three hole wonder for nothing. Gotta go Diary. Back in your hiding spot. Oh wait….never mind, there is enough room for both. I’m out JAA
September 12 2008. I AM FAMOUS. I totally knew I would be some day. I did my very first press interview with the Arizona Republic. I told them the same bullshit about how I didn’t do it. I even threw in some crap about God knowing I didn’t do it. Good thing I don’t really believe in God. Hahahahahaha. Idiots. The reporter totally bought it. Probably out printing free Jodi T-shirts right now. Here is the key to getting away with murder. Look concerned, act surprised, and deny everything. Or better yet blame someone else. JAA
September 24 2008 – Dear Diary. The fame train just keeps rolling. Inside Edition now. I expounded on my bullshit about the two intruders that weren’t there. He totally bought it. OMG he was fawning all over me. If it wasn’t for the guards we would have totally been making out. As soon as I am found not guilty by a jury of people totally dumber than me, it’s off to Hollywood. No Jury is going to convict me. You can mark my words on that. GOD that was fucking brilliant. Planting seeds Jodi girl. planting seeds. JAA
October 31 2008 – Happy Halloween. WHAT THE HELL. Death penalty? Can they do that? How the hell can they do that when I TOLD them somebody else did it. Oh well, no bother, there is no way somebody as pretty as me is getting the death penalty. Shit, the way everyone is getting behind me I should be out of here by Christmas. Yes. Then I am Hollywood bound baby. And my parents can suck it. Well, off for some pod to pod trick or treating. I’m going as Norman Bates. Later. JAA
That’s it for today peeps. I gotta go pop a Gravol. I’m feeling a little ill. Tune in tomorrow for more of the Stabby Diaries.