OMFG can we just kill this bitch already – ARIZONA
Well everybody, it has been another spectacular day of doing nothing except pacing, wringing my hands, cursing the television, having my in-house psychic hand me meds while saying “seriously dude, take them, holy fuck.” and jumping like I’ve been stabby’d every time I hear “BREAKING NEWS. I also took a moment to pray that HLN get sucked into some portal where there are bombarded for eternity with commercials for catheters, sunscreens, and adult incontinence products. If that happens somebody please email me k. Thanks.
My in-house psychic spent the day getting readings on Jenny From the Cell Block and Alfred E. Nurmi. She got something about not winning the beauty pageant from Jenny and Where is the nearest burger king from Nurmi. I asked her to take a run at Juan the pit bull Martinez and she did. She immediately fell into a feint. After I tossed a bucket of water over her head and she woke up she told me it was a chant. Kill the bitch, kill the bitch, kill the bitch, kill the bitch, kill the bitch. Well, no surprise there.
Detective and pit bull wrangler extraordinaire Esteban Flores spent the day shopping for good boy treats and a new catch pole for Mr Martinez just in case they don’t get the verdict they want.
Juan spent a good portion of the day attacking the dummy with Stabby’s face stapled to it. He also totally dismembered the Alfred E. Nurmi toy and needs a new one.
Judge Stephens hung out with Aerosmith and the Charlie Daniels Band. They will both be closing once we get a verdict.
Stabby spent some of the day giggling with Jenny From the Cell Block and the rest of the day picking out the guards she is going to blow for fun later.
Court has been reconvened and we were all assembled to get a verdict of “we can’t reach a verdict.” OH MY FUCKING GOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME REALLY I’M SERIOUS I CANNOT TAKE THIS ANY MORE. FUCK.
Juan looks like he now wants to kill the jury, stabby looks disappointed that she has to talk to another group of totally dumber than her Jurors, Jenny and Nurmi look pissed off and Judge Stephens looks like she wants to cry.
Did I mention I am so fucking mad I can’t see straight. SERIOUSLY.
That’s it kids. I’m out. I will of course be back tomorrow, once I have sufficiently calmed down. FUUUUUUUUCK!