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This Blog is Brought to you by the in-house Psychic

I’m going to need therapy when this is over – Arizona

Hi everybody.  It’s me, the much put upon by my boss in-house Psychic.  According to Kelly, everybody on the internet absolutely needs to know what Stabby is thinking at this particular moment and who gets volunteered for service.  ME.   I really need to quit this gig and go get a job cleaning septic systems or something.  Probably wouldn’t be as much shit at the end of the day.

Anyway, I am standing on the lawn of the Estrella jail for several  reasons.  Stabby is butt hurt that Kelly is a “hater”, Stabby is butt hurt that I didn’t bring a camera crew, and Stabby is Butt hurt because she’s not really allowed to do interviews right now.  That of course makes absolutely zero difference to me being that I’m Psychic and stuff.

This may take a few minutes, there are a lot of really pissed off women in this place and I can’t seem to zero in on the right frequency.  What I have gotten so far would make Stabby’s blood run cold man.  There is a LOT of Stabby hate going on behind these walls.

Okay, I think I have zeroed in.  Here we go.  OH MY GOD, could this place possibly suck any more?  How the hell could anybody decide that it was better for ME to be out of the limelight.  I belong in front of a camera.  I deserve a fucking academy award for that performance at my penalty phase trial.  I mean, seriously, at least a couple of those numb fucks bought it.  I totally knew I had the foreman.  I could tell by the way he was making goo goo eyes at me that he wanted me.  They ALL wanted me.  Except for the woman, and they would have if they could have stopped being so jealous of my greatness.  I cannot help it if I am a superior organism.  My Einstein like intellect makes everybody hot.  Especially me.  Gosh I love all the time I get to spend with myself.  I get to think about all of the great things that I can do like my art and my singing and I don’t have the annoyance of having to listen to other people talk about themselves.  I am so awesome.  I am totally still laughing about that whole starting a book club thing.  I just threw that in there at the last second and they totally bought it.  And locks of love, really?  Anyone with the sense god gave a tomato knows that I only love myself.  Now, if I could sell my hair that would be different.  Hey, maybe I’ll get Donaman to sell my hair.  Stupid cow.  She is so in love with me she doesn’t even care that I could totally be fucking up her parole.  Whatever, I’ll keep using her just like I use everyone else.  I’m hoping I can convince one of these guards to have sex with me so I can get knocked up.  Being pregnant would certainly put the spotlight back on me where  it is supposed to be.  I wonder what’s for lunch today.  GOD I hope they remembered my strawberry frapaccino.  These guards are terrible at taking orders.   I got a letter from Dior today.  Something about copyright infringement.  Well Dior, you can suck it.  Prove I  copied your ad.  I’ll just say you copied my artwork and then where will we be.  Haters.  They are all just jealous of my greatness.   I wonder if that nasty little prosecutor is going to retry my penalty phase?  God I hate him.  If he was an idiot he would be much more tolerable.  I wonder how my pencil is doing.  Someone probably stole it and sold it.  Willmott and Nurmi will be back.  I made them famous after all.   I don’t understand why they kept trying to bail on me.  Probably just part of the show.    I cannot believe how horny I am right now.  This whole not having sex a hundred times a day really blows.  I could suck a golf ball through a garden hose right now…

Ewwwwww.  Ok, that’s it for today.  This is the in-house Psychic reporting from the lawn of Estrella Jail.

The boss lady will be back tomorrow.  She’s doing research on some Sneiderman chick that she says I am just going to love.

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7 Responses to This Blog is Brought to you by the in-house Psychic

  1. Limey says:

    Now there’s ANOTHER reason for the neighbours to think I’ve lost it every time iI water the garden!

  2. peony2 says:

    Well “psychic” you really nailed it that time –

  3. Patty Cake says:

    I absolutely loved this! I stumbled on your blog and had the best laugh. I will say one thing Stabby is probably thinking all kinds of ways to get the guards in her favor. She will not ever go quietly and that’s whats really going to her in more than ever. She deserves everything coming to her. I look forward to more of your great Psychic reporting.

  4. Tammie M says:

    I LOVE this blog!!!

  5. cmdm says:

    I usually don’t bother or believe psychics but, damn, I feel this is spot on! sooooo funny!

  6. Ripley in CT says:

    Egads. Sneiderman. Teh Cray Cray runs deep in that one.

  7. Chrissie A says:

    Brilliant!! You channel her well 😛

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