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I Promise to Tell the Truth, Part of the Truth, or None of the Truth……Whatever is Working For Me at The Time……Maybe.

The “Sherriff Joe Homey Don’t Play That House of Indefinite Incarceration” may have room for one more soon – Arizona

Hai Kids. It’s me, number 1 (Okay number 2 if you count Juan) Stabby hater extraordinaire Kelly. I am here with updates. We have actual written down in the court minutes trial dates. Jury Selection will start September 29th and the PENALTY PHASE RETRIAL is set to run through December 12, 2014 with the court dark on Fridays. I figure Judge Stephens finally said fuck it, every weekend is a long weekend till this bitch is off my docket forever. She has fully stocked the side-bar and has personally tested all the bottles to make sure they do indeed contain liquor.

Golden Corral has hired extra line cooks in preparation for the 200lbs Alfred E. Nurmi is going to put back on during this shit show.

All weed dealers in the immediate area have checked their phone lines and made sure they are still on Jenny From the Cell Blocks speed dial. Pageant moms across Arizona have submitted original designs for gowns for the glamour portion of the trial.

Esteban Flores has stocked up on good boy treats and checked the catch pole to make sure the loop closes properly. His order of squeaky Nurmi dog toys is expected next week.

The court vet has double checked his tranquilizer supply and fired off a couple of test rounds to make sure the gun is firing properly. Wouldn’t want a miss-fire in the courtroom when Juan is really foaming at the mouth.

Juan has finally calmed down from his laughing fit and was seen mauling an attack dummy in preparation for the re-trial.

Stabby has been endlessly doodling in hopes of an impromptu art show of her totally ripped off from other artists designs. Tracing is a mitigating factor you know.

ChaCha Delarosa Was seen trying on outfits to wear to the re-trial. She was going for a more professional look this time. I think it worked.
ChaCha DeLaRosa

Alyce in Blunderland has not come out of hiding since the first trial.

Stabby’s Pencil was seen getting a new point. Looking sharp Pencil!!

All the Chairs of the Court are safe in the Ikea protection program. The will be brought to court by moving van convoy flanked by swat teams early on the morning of the 29th.

The ninjas and the screwdriver Skateboard gang were unavailable for comment.

Lisa Schilling and Jason Weber were last seen in Las Vegas. Their whereabouts now is unknown.

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17 Responses to I Promise to Tell the Truth, Part of the Truth, or None of the Truth……Whatever is Working For Me at The Time……Maybe.

  1. Deb says:

    I really do love your eclectic sense of humor…it’s spot on target for this cluster fuck of a never-ending trial! ❤

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Deb. I wish you knew how happy it makes me to make people laugh. Thank you so much for staying with me even when I went AWOL for a while.

  2. Laurie says:

    OMG!! I Love This Stuff!!

  3. reallybigmeandog says:

    Hai Laurie. Welcome to the insanity. Thank you so much for the compliment.

  4. Pamela Gunnell says:

    Hai! So glad to see the gang’s on board for the monkey’s trial. The girls at work are foaming at the mouth for more spittillating commentary, as well as live trial feed….it’s a wonder we got any patients seen during the show!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai!! I know right. I remember waiting for the first verdict and I’d be dozing off and every time someone on HLN said breaking news I’d jump awake like someone shoved a cattle prod up my ass. Stabby is like the gift that keeps on giving.

    • Deb says:

      ❤ "spittillating"

  5. sandymetter says:

    Love love love your blogs. I literally LOL. Have you ever considered doing comedy Kelly?

  6. sillyhaha71 says:

    This post made me snort laugh. Not just little snorts. Big snorts!

    It was very unladylike.

  7. BlueWhiteRed says:

    This….my favorite funny post. Cha Cha & photo? PRICELESS. And I agree Sheriff Joe is a tool, but his letter is comedy STFU gold. Semper Ad Meliora, Kelly.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai BlueWhiteRed. Thank you so much. I am Sheriff Joe’s new biggest fan lol. Always toward better things indeed my friend.

  8. BlueWhiteRed says:

    I wanted you to have a mantra as a thank you.

  9. Roxanne says:

    Clank Clank goes the Skank
    Clank Clank goes the Skank

    After she’s sentenced, whether life or death I hope:
    Skank Skank gets the Shank
    Skank Skank gets the Shank

  10. Faye W Rose says:

    Oh my Kelly, these post give me a much needed laugh. You are the BEST

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