The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial-Kelly Bounced, So You Get The In-House Psychic Edition

October 31, 2014

Kim Jong Un just friended Arizona on Facebook-Arizona

Hello.  Um, Kelly said she needed to take a minute….something about Stabby and then PV going out trick or trouting and crazy people on twitter and communist countries…..I don’t know either and I can fucking read minds, I just know she mad!!!

Anyway, she said to tell you she would see you tomorrow for sick fuck Saturday and to try and keep you all entertained with Stabby news of some kind.   Since  I am a fucking Psychic and NOT a blog writer, I ‘m not exactly sure what that means, so I have been bouncing from mind to mind of the Stabby camp to try and come up with something, anything to write.  I don’t know if I mentioned it, but your Law Professor/Dean of Fuckery somehow managed to wrangle me into a thousand year contract of indentured servitude.  That and she scares me a little.

I actually caught a break since the whole lot of them ended up back in court today for the pesky little court blackout thing.  Of course sometimes not a Judge Stephens denied it and it is now being appealed to a higher court. Troy Hayden of Fox10 went on air to say that he has had three separate sources say that it was indeed Stabby on the stand yesterday just like the bosslady figured. (she made me say that) Anyway, Stabby jingle jangled her way into court today in her lovely stripes to see what not a Judge Stephens had to say.

I decided to save Stabby for last since getting into her head is every single bit as nauseating as it sounds, and I like to save the vomit inducement part of the program for last whenever possible.  I started with Nurmi, but as usual lately he was crying in his head so I figured I would come back to him later.  Next I stopped on Jenny….wait, something is coming in from the boss.  Yes I am writing your stupid blog.  Yes I do know what indentured servitude means.  You’re a law professor, it’s not like you haven’t told me a million times. Uh, huh.  Okay.  Yes. Can I finish this sometime tonight now?  Kthxbai.

She said to put up a link to Troy on Fox so……here. http://www.fox10phoenix.com/clip/10799424/arias-defense-attorney-tries-to-close-courtroom

Anyway Jenny from the Cell Block was sitting next to Stabbykins because she and Nurmi need to be separated by at least one person at all times. Jenny looked as high as usual and like Stabby had managed to drain a little bit more of whatever life force is left in her. Her defenses are pretty much nil at this point so I had no trouble getting into her head.
Why do I have to be here? Fuck. I was supposed to meet my dealer at 4. No way I am going to make that now. And why do I have to sit here? Why does nobody remember what she said to me during the last trial.
Then this popped in her head. stabby escape God this chick is a nutbag. Smile and nod Jenny, she’s looking at you again. Remember to put extra hair spray on tomorrow. I think she may actually be scaring me bald. I wonder if my dealer can hook up with me later. Can we just move this along. We all know that Stabby’s friend Judge Stephens is going to deny this motion so WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE!! I wonder if she is going to ask me for another ball gown and an Oscar like last time. And I don’t want to hear about how she plans on smuggling it into the jail. Gross. Damn, this motion hearing is harshing my mellow in a big way. Fuck it, maybe if I turn towards Alfred E just a little, I can play angry birds on my phone and Stabby won’t notice.

Next I bounced over to Juan because Nurmi was still sobbing in his head. Juan is always fun to get a read on. DIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCH…….Hey!! Why has nobody tossed one of those good boy treats at me yet? I like those. This Judge is a complete fucking idiot. I have never come across a Judge like this in the history of my career. It’s quite disturbing when you think about the implications of what she is doing. That’s okay, I am sure the level heads in a higher court,  judges separated from this trial will see the error is Judge Stephens ruling. Even if the ruling remains intact, it’s not going to make even a scintilla of difference. The facts are on my side. She is a convicted murderess and all that is left to do is finish my case and then DIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCH………..It went on like that through the whole hearing, while he left the building, as he walked to his car, when he stopped for coffee and until  he saw a puppy.

Nurmi was up next. He had himself under some semblance of control so I went ahead and took the read. FUCK.MY.LIFE. FUCKIT!! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS SHIT. It’s nice that Jenny stays so stoned she hasn’t realized that she is a screwed as I am. I should probably tell her, but she will come down soon enough and realize where she is and that is always a fun moment. I can’t believe this dumb assed judge is going for any of this. Anti death penalty judges are AWESOME!! I can’t help it if the crazy bitch wants the court closed. She won’t tell me why, but I know. I bet a billion dollars that we are on the cusp of story number 4 and she doesn’t want anyone to know she is going to change her story again. Watch her say her daddy diddled her when she was a baby now. Or her mommy sold her ass for heroin money. Something. Well screw it, I’m just going to sit here and let her say whatever the fuck she wants. I’m not asking her anything because that way I’m not suborning perjury, but if she wants to say she was abducted by aliens and the anal probe is what got her started down this road, that’s fine with me. Fucking Bitch. I FUCKING HATE YOU SO HARD YOU FUCKING BITCH.

I went to not a Judge Stephens next but all I got was that horrible white noise sound from the sidebar. Weird!!

Last and absolutely least, and after downing several gravol and some alka-seltzer just for good measure I got to Stabby Einstein. Ahahahahahahahahahahaha…………Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh my god, I cannot believe that she is going for this. Got myself out of my cell on a Friday, got the entire legal panel for the media here, fucked with that goddamn nasty prosecutors day, and Alfred E. is looking pretty pissed. Ahahahahahahahahaha. I swear, that perfume that Jenny is wearing smells just like weed. She says it’s called ESCAPE. Love that name, gonna get some as soon as my appeal gets done and I get out of here. Can’t wait for trick or trouting tonight. I have no idea what that is, but my new number 1 flag waver PV tells me it’s way better than trick or treating. I bet I can get 1500 for this pair of glasses. Cha Cha better be picking up all these Styrofoam cups I have put wonder hole number 3 on so that I can auction those too. You know George and Joe will buy all of them because my DNA has graced the rims….ohhh that sounds so dirty….now I’m horny. Hopefully, I will be incarcerated at least long enough to win Prison Idol for another year. Peons. They should all just realize that they need to bow before me like this stupid judge. She gets it that I am so much more Einstein-y than she is. I won’t have to de-edify her I guess. God I hate my hair. Can’t wait to get back on the stand. Wait till they hear the story I cooked up this time. It’s awesome!! They want mitigation? Oh I’ve got your mitigation bitches. It’s not lying if the jury doesn’t know what I said on the stand the first time. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Why is Jenny turned away from me like that? Bitch better not be playing on her cell phone again. Maybe it’s time to have another talk. About sharp instruments and stuff. Hope we can drag this out till dinner. Jenny better have gotten my gown by court on Monday. I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and….EWWWWW that is it!!

There you go. I have written a blog and lived up to my contract. Kelly will see you tomorrow with her regularly scheduled programming.

In house Psychic DEFINITELY peacing the fuck out!!

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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Re-Trial- Welcome to North Korea Edition

October 30, 2014

We suddenly have ZERO complaints about our justice system – Anywhere that is NOT Arizona

Hai kids. It is me, Stabby hater to the Nth degree, Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery, blogger extraordinaire and resident sarcasm expert Kelly.  Hope everyone is well.  There was no blog yesterday because as we all know, Stabby had a day off and Bashara, who I was going to cover picked the day before to lose his shit and then pass out cold so he’s probably in Psych till Monday.

Court reconvened today in the never ending Stabby trial.  Sometimes Judge Stephens began the day with a 10 minute recess because why the fuck not at this point.  The only reason she said December 12th was because of all the fucking sidebars and recesses.  Court would be done in three weeks otherwise.

After the recess we of course went right to a three minute sidebar before the Jury even came in because that is how every normal court should work. srfoesathoshnf269wyu. Sorry, banged my eahd off of the keyboard  I think the “Judge” has hot pants for Nurmi.  He spends more time in front of her than he does trying to get the CONVICTED MURDERESS something less than death.

Travis’ sister Tanisha, who has been there every day of both trials was present and looking very much like she was going to vomit or pass out.  She was a color that only those who have suffered a horrific tragedy ever are.  That color that is not quite white and not quite grey.  She was carrying papers and everybody realized at about the exact same moment that she was going to read a victim impact statement. It was at this point that I realized this was not going to be one of my normal blogs.

For the very first time since this re-trial started I was grateful that I was not watching this live.  I was suddenly grateful for the buffer that an emotionless tweet can bring, and I was sick for my brethren in the courtroom who had the terrible task of conveying this information to us.  Please everyone give a big thank you to Dave Erickson, Jenn Wood, Jeff Gold, David Lohr and everyone else who has been supplying us with tweets throughout this mess because the price they pay is high.  Not as high by a mile as those that have lived it, but high enough.

Stabby for the first time looked nervous to which I say GOOD.  SWEAT YOU EVIL BITCH!!  She knows that the victim impact statements are going to carry a lot of weight and since they are edited so that things like “I want this bitch to die, preferably by 27 stab wounds” are not heard by the Jury she already knows what they say.  Unfortunately things like this are not allowed in victim impact statements.  It is the exact same in Canada.  I know, I’ve written one for myself.

Tanisha says she is going to do her best to speak for her family, but just a few words in she is already fighting hard against the inevitable tears. Because the fifty billion tears she has already shed have not lessoned her pain, not by a longshot.  The woman standing at the podium right now is a broken human being.

She says she feels fortunate to be blessed with such a wonderful brother.  Sadly at 34 she is now four years older than her older brother will ever be.  He was her best friend growing up, the one who comforted them all in times of crisis and when he died there was no one to comfort them.   She tells how she has been diagnosed with PTSD.  The real PTSD not the fake I need to get out of a murder conviction kind.

She tells how the family has fallen apart since his death, how she cannot get the images of her brother dead, grey and rotting out of her mind. She says she feels guilty now when she has fun, how she alienated her husband and how she lost her faith in God.  It would be here where most of the gallery and a good portion of the Jury gave up even trying to remain emotionless and collectively cried for this family’s pain and loss.

Tanisha’s voice was alive with agony as she described making her brothers funeral arrangements with her Grandmother.  Even Stabby was crying now, really crying not that fake bullshit from before.  She was feeling something.  She may be crying for herself, she may actually be reacting to this woman’s pain, but the tears are real this time.

Tanisha is crying and at a near shriek telling the Jury how she has been forced to relive this over and over.  She just wants to be able to close her eyes and see Travis her brother but she can’t.  Every time she sees Travis it is the dead, grey, decaying and thrown away body crumpled in that shower stall.  Tanisha is done.  She did this one last thing for her brother through her own pain and she did it very well.  Even with the buffer of twitter I found myself crying for the horror that  Stabby has visited upon this family.   And for what?  The wound to her ego was so great that she had to make sure that if she couldn’t have him nobody could have him!!

Tanisha Alexander This is what Stabby does to people.

Steven was up next.  He looks more gaunt then he did during the last trial the pain in his face was very evident.  You could hear a tremble in his voice even more this time and there is just a deep sadness about him.  Here is a link to the last trial so you can hear the victim impact statement in its entirely if you feel so inclined.

Some of the Jurors began to cry once again as Steven read his victim impact statement although not as many as during Tanisha. Jenny from the Cell Block is now obscuring the media view of Stabby. I don’t know if this is tactical or accidental but I am going with column A. After the victim impact statements the sometimes Judge called a 15 minute recess which was desperately needed. The entire REMAINING Alexander family left the court in complete devastation.

Because the Stabbyites are such caring feeling things here is a sample of what they were saying after the Alexander siblings gave their victim impact statements.
the compassion of the Stabbyites. Lets see now.  We feel pain and sadness for the loss that this family has suffered.  They worship a lying, conniving, convicted murderess and say things like this of their obvious pain still after all this time.  Yup, we are totally the haters here.  We should all be ashamed and immediately beg Stabby Fucking Einstein for forgiveness.  If every man that ever called me a bad name was dead we wouldn’t have an overpopulation problem.  Where do all these FREAKS come from?  WHERE?  do they ship them in from some island somewhere?  Island of the fucking idiots?  Island of the brain dead?

Of course because nothing in Stabbyland is ever the way it is supposed to be a sidebar is called again while the Jury is not present. That sidebar is over, the Jury has reconvened and we are immediately taken to another sidebar. This one is never ending. Because of course it is.

The sidebar ended and the media and gallery were kicked from the courtroom. WTF???? We came to find out after a long wait that the defense wanted the mitigation witness to testify under fake names and seal. The sometimes Judge has allowed this farce and the super sekrit witness was allowed on the stand. The media held out for the rest of the day in case anything else happened but the day ended with the Jury leaving looking tired but unemotional and the super sekrit witness remaining unidentified.

For what it is worth; my guess is it was Satan herself on the stand today. Why? Because if there are no witnesses and she is testifying under seal, she can say pretty much with impunity whatever she wants without the backlash of last time. For all we know she could be admitting to everything and begging for forgiveness…….. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OMG I just put pop through my nose. Yeah, stabby is going to admit that she did something wrong and ask for forgiveness. Zombies will walk the earth before that ever happens.

Of course the media has concerns for things like the constitution, you know that thing that COURTS are supposed to uphold and their lawyers immediately began filing motions. There probably isn’t a lawyer in AZ that is not getting rich off of this trial. This is more serious than money though. This is some Judge that has very obviously gone off of her medication pissing all over your constitution. Is she secretly related to Stabby? Is she secretly from another country? Not mine, we don’t do media blackouts in Canada.
Here is a statement from Mark Casey: Statement from 12 News VP & Station Manager Mark Casey on appealing judge’s ruling closing courtroom:“I am very concerned with this court’s many decisions to conduct secret proceedings. We respect Ms. Arias’ right to a fair trial but do not believe banning the public and the media is constitutional or necessary. We should not become a state or nation of secret courts.”

This tweet today pretty much summed it up. It has been used with permission PV so you don’t have to rush and tell Dave it is here. “This must be a helluva witness if they can command an entire courtroom to be cleared” – Dave Erickson. Journalist, Producer, Social Commentator.

Here is a thought.  Maybe the court could put the Christmas decorations up early and the media could hide behind the Christmas tree.  Or perhaps the court could install a doggie door for the media to crawl through.  It’s totally not breaking any law as long as you go through the doggie door.

I get it now why so much time was allotted for the re-trial. It was for motions to be argued. It has nothing to do with the length of the actual trial. Sometimes Judge Stephens just got demoted to Never Judge Stephens. I swear to you all that this is the most fucked up trial I have every seen. She is going to appeal, it IS going to be granted, and everybody is going to have to do this ALL OVER AGAIN. All because of this Judge. Stabby is probably laughing maniacally back in her cell because she is obviously still pulling all the strings in this trial and she knows it and Judge Stephens better start downloading the paperwork for her unemployment papers because she should be losing her job any time now.

Since Court is dark tomorrow I am dragging in the in-house Psychic for some Halloween readings on Stabby and the Funky Bunch.

RBMD peacing the fuck out!!!

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The Stabby Penalty Phase Retrial-The Never Ending Side-Bar Edition.

October 28, 2014

Good thing I kept the Pretoria puke bucket-Arizona

Hai kids. Hope everyone is well.

In Ontario today we laid Cpl. Cirillo to rest. Christine Beswick covered the funeral and will have an article up tomorrow. She is linked in the Blogroll if you are interested in reading it.

The Goodman verdict came in today. He was the super rich dude that was convicted of vehicular homicide and DUI manslaughter and then was granted a new trial. He got reconvicted today for the same things. DUI manslaughter and Vehicular homicide. Hope he gets more than the 16 years he got the first time around.

Today is the day we have all been dreading. It is a good thing I kept the puke bucket because I thought we all might need it. Today is the day we are going to get to see naked Stabby and get to listen to the vomit inducing illegally recorded phone sex tape. You’re welcome.

Court opened with an immediate sidebar because why not. If Alfred E. Nurmi isn’t going to win the world record for the most motions ever, he is damn well going to win for the most side-bars in a criminal trial ever. He’s no quitter!!

Her royal Highness Stabbykins was dressed in royal blue I’m sure just to piss off the Alexander family. Her glasses are still present. Expect to see them on E-bay the day after the trial is over. Cha Cha showed up in hot salmon today because if you reek like a fish you might as well dress like one I guess.

Alfred E. Went back to the defense table and he and Stabby had a deep and meaningful discussion about how much he hates her right now. Jenny From the Cell Block acted as referee.

Sometimes Judge Stephens gave an admonition to the gallery not to react to the phone sex tape when it is played. Only Travis’ brother was in the courtroom at this time. Then his sisters came back in.

Alfred E. got up and began his cross examination of Detective Flores. He hammered and hammered and hammered about who’s theory it was that the gunshot came first. He asked Flores how old Stabby was when she committed the crime and if she had a prior criminal record. Flores asked if he wanted her age in human or dog years. Human I guess so he said 27 and no she did not have a criminal record. He asked if Flores about the shell casing that was found and then started with the shower photo’s.

He showed one of Travis with his back turned to the camera and decides to just make a supposition and says if she wanted to kill him she could have done it then. Juan immediately objects; speculation and is sustained. Alfred E. was not to be deterred today though. He was animated enough that he almost appeared to be awake at times. He asked why the two Ninja’s were not looked into and Flores answered because all roads led to the three holed wonder. Nurmi was VERY lively this time around.

Next we got Jumbotron meat flaps. Aren’t ya glad I brought the puke bucket. Because the Jurors have not yet been tortured enough, the next pic was Jumbotron Stabby wonder hole number 2. Nurmi asked if it looked like Travis didn’t want to be there. Flores said no. Point being made by Nurmi is that this is not a man afraid of a stalker. He was banging the bitch, taking pictures of her naked, and spending time with her.

There was a 10 minute recess and then the phone sex-tape was on. Travis’ sisters left once again. The bailiff was polite enough to pass out barf-bags just in case the Pretoria puke bucket was being used by the gallery.

To summarize the sex tape, close your eyes, picture Stabby and her overused floppy cooch, a boomerang dick and then step on a cats tail. That pretty much sums it up.

Some interesting things that I noticed though. He obviously did not know he was being recorded. Travis says on the tape that he doesn’t like Spiderman or superman when they begin talking about superheroes so it’s pretty obvious he didn’t send the underwear. Most importantly, he NEVER said he loved her, not in 40 some odd minutes. Actually as soon as he was done yanking it, he started yawning and it was like “OK hooker, I’m done, I’d like to peace the fuck out now.”

The Stabby FREAKS have been coming out of the woodwork trying to make their aging very badly queen look better, and doing a really bad job at it.
See!!! stabby photoshop stabby photoshop 2 Bwahahahahahaha.

After lunch Alfred E. began the slander portion of the program. He went after Flores with a renewed gusto. He wanted to know if Travis was using his own free will when he said he wanted to stick his dick in her ass. He then started to go after Travis’ faith at which point Juan got a little pissy. He objected, there was a sidebar and Nurmi came back and qualified Flores as an LDS expert. He has been a member of the faith for decades apparently. He wanted to know if people believed Travis was a virgin. Flores said they did. Next question was does the law of chastity allow Travis to shoot Jizz on Stabby’s face. Juan Objected. Nurmi is trying to get the point across that Travis was a hypocrite and unfortunately I think he succeeded.

Juan got up and sadly for the first time he had to do damage control. Juan asked if slitting someone’s throat is condoned by Mormon teachings. Did Travis ever say he loved her. Flores said not that he was aware of. He asked if sex was the same as love. Flores said no. Does not following the law of chastity mean he deserved to have his throat slit? Of course not. Juan asked if there was any indication she was forced to pose for photos? Flores said none. He asked if Flores ever uncovered anything that said she was a nut bag. Not in his opinion. Then it got a little weird. Juan asked Flores if he believed she had parents. Alfred E. Objected. He asked Flores if he ever had sex with Nurmi? WTF and EWWWWW. Objection. Did you have sex with Stabby Einstein. WTF and BARF aaand I fucking object. I don’t need that mental picture thank you. He then asked if Flores disbelieved everything she told him and he said no.

Nurmi was back up and he asked Flores if he was writing a book. A couple of times. Flores was offended. I wonder who could have put an idea like that into Nurmi’s head? *cough*PIGVOMIT*cough* He asked Flores if he had a mind reading certificate to which he answered no, but he heard about some blogger with an in house psychic. He said that he could not then know what she was thinking when she was in Selinas to which he answered no and Baby Jesus answered my prayer and ended re-cross.

The State rested underlying evidence and mitigation starts on Thursday.

All in all it was NOT a good day for the prosecution. I think that the DP may be off the table kids. Alfred E. did a good job today. I give credit where it is due and he did a good job of confusing the Jury and taking down the States case today.

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Really Big Mean Dog Presents: Sick Fuck Saturday; The Bernardo Murders

October 25, 2014

Let us dust off some of the oldies just to get Stabby and the Stabbyites out of our brains for a bit-Planet Earth

Hai everybody. It is I, number 1 Stabby hater, Law School Professor and Dean of fuckery, Really Big Mean Dog head of Publishing and Auntie Really Big Mean Dog. I hope that each and every one of you are enjoying your weekend. I hope that our new segment, Sick Fuck Saturdays serves its intended purpose and gets that thing out of our brains for a bit and I sincerely hope that some of you will take me up on my offer to guest blog.

 

With that I bring you our first installment of “Sick Fuck Saturdays” Paul Bernardo and Karla Holmolka- The Ken and Barbie Murders.

This one, I am embarrassed to say is right from my very own country.

This is Sick Fuck Paul Bernardo. bernardo mugshots and this is sick fuck Karla  Holmolka holmolka

To understand how any of this happened you have to take the two halves before you make the whole. Paul Bernardo was a fairly disturbed young man who put on a façade for the outside world much like Ted Bundy. He was definitely what is known as a compartmentalizer. He could effectively put respective parts of his psyche into boxes in his brain and keep them separate from each other. Paul Bernardo was and is a sick fuck. Very sick. He started out as a peeping tom, looking into women’s windows as they undressed at night and jerking off at his leisure. He was seen only once that is known and a neighbor gentleman ran him off.

In 1987 I had just come back from a stint in Toronto working for a car dealership. Women began being attacked in Scarborough. Vicious rapes. Well, all rapes are vicious, but these were especially heinous. The thing is though, he was always very careful about telling the women not to try and look at him, to keep their eyes closed etc. Of course a few victims got a look at the sick disgusting piece of shit and eventually a composite sketch was done and printed in the newspaper. The main thing to remember is that of the 19 women who reported being raped, not one of them ended up dead. Beaten up a little and certainly scarred for life, but NOT DEAD.

Three months prior to the beginning of the rapes, Karla Holmolka wandered into a restaurant to get something to eat and in a completely chance meeting came across the filling to her Oreo, Paul Bernardo. Holmolka, just 17 at the time was sexually promiscuous and much like someone else we know, more than willing to do whatever, whenever to ensure that she got her man. They went back to her hotel room not even hours after meeting and got down to business much to the annoyance of her roommate, who really didn’t have anywhere else to go to avoid having to listen to them go at it in front of an audience.

They dated from that day forward and eventually Sick fuck asked other sick fuck to marry him. She went crazy with happiness since this had indeed been the game plan all along.

Have I mentioned the part where Bernardo was a sick fuck? He seemed to have a bug up his ass about virgins for some reason. Like, he wanted them, all of them. He was pissed off that Holmolka had not been a virgin. At some point close to the wedding, Bernardo discovered that he had quite a fondness for Karla’s younger sister Tammy. He thought he might love her. I think he loved the part where nobody had touched her at that point. She was indeed a virgin. Karla was losing her mind over it. She was scared he was going to call of the wedding that she had had to perform more and more perverse sexual acts to procure, she was jealous of her younger sister, and she was willing to do whatever she had to do to make sure her dream wedding happened. To appease his desire for her virgin baby sister, she offered her up as a sort of Christmas present. Karla worked at a veterinary clinic and she procured the drugs that would knock out her baby sister so that sick fuck 1 could do whatever it was that he wanted to do to her. Tammy was knocked out using crushed up halcion in a couple of drinks, and then once she passed out Karla put a rag soaked with Halothane, a veterinary drug over her face. A drug that is meant to only be used as an aerosol under constant monitoring was smashed into the face of the already unconscious teenager. Bernardo raped her vaginally and anally and then sick fuck 2 took a turn on her own baby sister. It was only as the human piece of shit Bernardo was getting ready for his second turn that the winner of sister of infinity realized that Tammy was not breathing. She had vomited because she had consumed alcohol. Anyone with a medical background knows that you cannot generally anesthetize anybody who has consumed anything for this very reason. She vomited, aspirated and asphyxiated. Of course sick and sicker both panicked because they had just killed a person after all. When the police and ambulance services arrived sister of the decade was laundering the comforter that they had torn up her sister on, and they had quickly hidden the video tape of what had transpired. Because in Canada our police are not the brightest bulbs on the tree, they took them at their word about what happened and Tammy was laid to rest without an autopsy despite the huge burn on her face from the halothane.

tammy Holmolka burn.Nobody found this odd? Seriously, nobody found the huge chemical burn on the face of a fifteen year old girl odd.  Nobody noticed that she had been anally raped and nobody thought that someone doing laundry while their sister was lying dead in the other room was maybe just a little off.  My god if the cops had spent more than 2 seconds looking at this several girls would still be alive.

Sick and sicker moved into a quaint unassuming little pink house at 57 Bayview Drive in Port Dalhousie. It was here that the real sick shit began. So much so that the owners of the house once all the details of the crimes came out simply tore the thing down.Bernardo house.

In spite of sick fuck two’s  efforts, Sick fuck one was still expressing doubts about the upcoming wedding. Whatever else she might be Karla wasn’t a quitter. Reaching into her bag of sick yet again, she lured a young friend of hers to the couple’s home; she then called the beast on his cell phone to tell her fiance that she had a “wedding gift” waiting for him.  Please keep in mind that the one who ended up getting the sweetest plea bargain in the history of crime used exactly the same method to knock out her friend as the method that had killed her sister in the very near past.

Two weeks before the wedding, Leslie Mahaffy had missed curfew and was locked out of her house.  Something that would haunt her parents for the rest of their lives.leslie curfew noteI honestly don’t know how a parent, who was trying to do follow the tough love thing that was all the rage then, lives with the fact that they wrote that note.

She wandered down to a park and it was there that she crossed paths with Bernardo. He kidnapped her, took her home and proceeded to do what he did. He raped her, sodomized her, video taped it all and invited his bride to be in on the action which she gleefully took part in. She would testify later that she was forced, but it was apparent to anyone that had seen the tapes that she was a willing and active participant. The stories of the two differ greatly here. Her parents were coming for Easter dinner or some such the following day. He went out to get some fast food and he says that Leslie was very much alive when he left. When he got back he said that the sick bitch told him that Leslie had tried to escape and she had had to subdue her and she hit her too hard. Her story was that he strangled her with an electrical cord. And the autopsy says that she had to hammer marks in her skull, when they finally dug it out of the concrete. Did I mention that he cut the body up into workable pieces and set each one in concrete which they then dumped over the Niagara escarpment? Yeah. Not before Easter dinner though. Her body lay directly underneath the dinner table in the basement while they all sat down to Easter dinner.

Because I know it is almost to horrific to believe, here are some of the blocks that were found mahaffy in cement

Two weeks later they got married with all the pomp and circumstance of royalty. A horse drawn carriage, a dress designed for a princess, the whole bit. Barbie and Ken were officially married.

Leslie Mahaffy’s body parts were found while Mr. and Mrs. sick fuck were on their fabulous honeymoon in Hawaii.

The beast was a little freaked out when he came home, worried about forensic evidence and such. They had taken DNA swabs from him since he resembled the composite of the Scarborough rapist almost to a T. I wonder why? But it would take three more years for those swabs to be processed. My god the more I write this the more embarrassed I become of the Canadian police back then.

Next up on the hit parade was a girl by the name of Kristen French. Unlike Leslie Mahaffy, Kristen was a well behaved girl, went to catholic school and this somehow made her more important than Leslie. An all out manhunt was orchestrated to try and find her when she was abducted. Quite a difference from the blasé attitudes of the police when Leslie turned up missing. Of course the beast and his wife had Kristen and a by now old scenario played out.

Enter Inspector Vince Bevan. We might as well have had inspector fucking gadget for all the good he did.

Someone had seen the kidnapping of Kristen French and thought the car was a Camaro. A reporter asked the very valid question “are they sure it was a Camaro?” Inspector gadgets brilliant response was “this is a GM town, we know a Camaro when we see one.” Turns out it was a Nissan 280Z but that didn’t stop the police from dragging every Camaro in Ontario in for questioning. I know this because I happened to have one. The one I had purchased off the line, one that was not anywhere near the year they were looking for, and was the same black that it had been when I bought it. Even still, looking for a late 70’s body style light colored Camaro, mine was taken in for questioning. It never did tell me what they asked it. I know that the great Camaro round up wasted about a bajillion police man hours, a huge part of my day and the same for the probably thousands of other Camaro owners across Ontario.

Inspector Gadget was determined to break the case and make a name for himself and therefore refused to share information with neighboring police departments. He made a name for himself alright, just not the one he wanted. Idiot was one of the names he earned. One of the nice ones. Kristen French’s father told him he hoped fervently that he died of some flesh eating bacteria that kept him alive for a very long time.

It was sick fuck number 1 who actually ended his own reign of terror. Or whosever. He had been steadily devolving since the death of Kristen French and one night while smuggling cigarettes across the border I guess because raping and murdering teenagers gets boring Sick fuck number 2 did something that pissed him off and he beat her almost to death. I’ve seen the pictures, he beat her like a carpet.

She decided that now would probably be a good time to peace the fuck out because he was getting weirder and weirder, the cops were getting closer and closer and she was in it up past her neck.

She got herself a lawyer, made a deal that made most Canadians want to climb the nearest clock tower and start taking shots at the entire judiciary system and took 12 years. She blamed the whole thing on Sick fuck number 1 and played the victim. It was not until after she had made her deal, that the video tapes came up. The beast Bernardo’s lawyer had had them the whole time. Had they been brought forward, Holmolka would still be rotting her sick ass in jail. Even after reviewing the tapes, the crown refused to go back on their plea deal, even though the bitch had lied like a rug about everything and it was very apparent. They said that it would irreparably damage the ability of the crown to broker deals in the future. To which I say, suck a dick, because people who commit violent crimes should not be allowed to make deals. They said that without her testimony they would never have gotten Bernardo, to which I say suck another one because the DNA was in by then.

Oddly enough, he admitted to the 19 Scarborough rapes, admitted to abducting Leslie and Kristen but to this day swears he never killed anyone. And I believe him. I think that that fucking crazy bitch was so sick with jealousy that he wanted other women that she killed them to get rid of the competition. So he got dangerous offender status and won’t get to get out of jail, and she got 12 years. She served the whole 12 so that she wasn’t under the parole boards jurisdiction, got out of Joliette Prison, married her lawyers brother and beat it for an Island in the Caribbean. She has children with her husband, proving that there is an idiot born every minute and one willing to let a sexual predator give birth to his children. During the Luka Magnotta trial it came up that she is back in Ontario. We found this out because her older sister was one of the recipients of the body parts packages. Lori let it slip that Karla and family were back in Ontario.  Lori had been trying for a while to get the sick bitch back to Ontario sending an email telling her how stupid people were and that after all this time and with some hair dye nobody would recognize her anyway. So I guess that her baby sister was just a throw away. And those dead girls, I guess they didn’t matter much either.  I hope to god that one of the Mahaffy’s or French’s run into her at some point. And just as an aside, the parallels between this sick bitch and our current sick bitch and their family dynamics are stunningly similar.

Here is the question of the day though? How do her parents reconcile all of this. She is the reason that their youngest daughter is dead. Her. How can they, having seen those tapes, all of them, then put that out of their heads and have a relationship with her. I don’t care if she was my child, I would never be able to forgive the rape and murder of another of my children. I would call it a wash and walk the fuck away. What kind of people does that make them?

As for Sick Fuck number 1. Even habitual dangerous offenders have rights. He is planning to marry a 30 year old groupie, because for every sick twist there is someone willing to marry them. Bernardo is in his 50’s now.

So there you have it. Sick Fuck Saturday. I hope it did not disappoint.

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Stabby Updates And Some Thoughts on What Has Transpired In Canada Over The Last Two Days.

October 24, 2014

I wear combats, not fatigues and I work for a “lef-tenant”, not a “loo-tenant.”

I drive an Iltis, not a Jeep or a Humvee and the weapon I carry for my protection is a C7, not an M16.

I observe from, or take cover in, a trench and not a foxhole.

I don’t just speak English or French, nor am I bilingual. I can speak many languages.

Although I am trained to fight in a war, I don’t cause them.

When I am not deployed on a mission of peace, I travel all over my country; fighting forest fires, battling floods, rescuing lost souls or repairing damages caused by an ice storm.

I try not to take sides and believe in treating all humanity equally.

I don’t just go on patrols; I also clear landmines to make the area safe for everyone.

In my off-duty hours while deployed, I occupy myself by rebuilding schools or playgrounds and, I teach children in a war-torn country about peace and harmony.

I am my country’s best ambassador and I am respected the world over for what I do best.

I carry my country’s flag shamelessly and hold my head up high wherever I go.

I am….A Proud Canadian Soldier.
Author Unknown.

Hai everyone. It is your favorite blogger extraordinaire, Kelly “Really Big Mean Dog” or as I seem to be known is certain circles on twitter, “that fucking bitch that will not shut the fuck up.” I’m rather partial to the second one but it’s too long.

I have decided that for the duration of the Stabby PENALTY PHASE RE-TRIAL we are going to implement a palette cleanser of sorts: Sick Fuck Saturday. This will be where we will pick a trial from the past and I will tear it up much like my dog likes to tear up shoes….and chairs….and other assorted stuff. It should be fun and serve as a reminder that the criminal world does not revolve solely around Stabby Einstein. I was going to do it tonight, but I do have a couple of Stabby updates that are relevant and I want to talk about Cpl. Cirillo for a bit, as well as how Canada fits into wars and stuff. I think That Sick Fuck Saturday should be pretty fun and also interactive as I am encouraging you all to not only choose some old cases to talk about, but also if you feel so inclined, to send me a write up on a trial of your choice and if it’s good, I will post it and you will be the guest blogger of the Weekend. There will not always be a guest blogger, and if you send something and it does not get picked you have to promise to not be hurt. I also do not expect that your writings have to follow my particular style of using the word fuck in all of its forms. That is just the way I talk so don’t think that I expect you to follow suite, although you certainly can if you want to. My only expectation is that it be factual, and well written. I hope some of you at least will take advantage of this because I think it would be fun.

Our Nations Capital and Canada in general is still reeling from events that unfolded at the Canadian War Memorial and Parliament Wednesday. The terror in Ottawa started at just before 10 am, when witnesses stated that a man dressed entirely in black drove up to the National War Memorial in a purple Toyota that was devoid of license plates. He left the engine running and charged Cpl. Cirillo who was standing guard. The shooter hit Cirillo twice at point-blank range with a shotgun. The honor guard fell to the ground and the gunman appeared to raise his arms triumphantly.

The shooter then invaded the Centre Block, which is the main building of the Parliamentary complex. He shot off several more rounds, all of it captured by camera’s that were there because parliament was in session. The building was put into lockdown with our Prime Minister trapped inside. The PM attempted to exit but was convinced he was safer in the legislative chamber and he was hidden inside of a closet in case the chamber was breached. Legislators acted quickly, stacking tables and chairs in front of doors, and quickly turning flag staffs into spears. They were prepared to attempt to impale anyone who breached the chamber in an attempt to protect the Prime Minister. Kyle Seeback, a member of parliament managed to tweet that they were safe and locked in an office seconds before the police chasing the gunman unleashed a shit ton of bullets. It was a barrage of epic proportion. Terrified civilians scurried down scaffolding which was erected due to ongoing renovations.

John McKay, a member of Parliament actually thought that it was dynamite going off from the construction. It never crossed his mind that it was gunshots inside what should be one of the most secure facilities in Canada.

The lunatics rampage came to a sudden end when he crossed paths with our Sergeant-at-arms for the house of Commons, Kevin Vickers. Ironically, Vickers post is largely symbolic. So much so that he presides over his post wearing green robes, white gloves and a tall imperial hat while carrying a scepter. Want to know what else Kevin Vickers carries? A gun. One he is very, very adept at using. Vickers, 58, just whipped out the gun and blasted the attacker according to the justice minister and other officials who were present. Two other people were injured with nonlife-threatening wounds. Police with assault rifles and flak jackets continued to search the area for hours after Vickers took control of the situation because he really is just boss that way.

Cpl. Nathan Cirillo was just 24 years old and a member of the ceremonial honor guard for the tomb of the unknown soldier. He often interacted with the public, answering questions from tourists about the tomb, and parliament and any general questions that anyone had. He was described by some of the tourists he had spoken with as well spoken, polite, very proud of his post, happy to explain the origins of the tomb, and extremely proud to be Canadian. Cpl. Cirillo had a five year old son who he was raising as a single dad, and two dogs who were photographed looking what can only be described as bereft, like they were aware that their owner had fallen. The photograph of those dogs is haunting. It never ceases to strike me how in tune to their owners, dogs of soldiers seem to be. He was born and raised in Hamilton and it was there that he was taken today. I watched with mixed emotions as the motorcade made it’s way from Ottawa to Hamilton. Mixed because I am saddened by this pointless death, enraged that a soldier on his home soil was killed with no declaration of war, and proud of the way we as a country helped see our fallen Soldier home. Entire highways saw vehicles pulled to the side with occupants out of their cars saluting as the motorcade made its way past them. People came from all over Ontario and even from other provinces to help see the Soldier home. It was one of those moments that made me remember why I am so proud to call myself Canadian.

The shooter, Michael Zehaf-Bibeau was of course a recent convert to Islam. There is speculation that the death of Cpl. Cirillo and the attack on Parliament were in retaliation for Canada sending some of our bombers to help with the efforts to eradicate ISIS. This hasn’t been confirmed, but it is as good a theory as any.

I know that most of you, Canadian and American as well as my readers from across the globe have someone who has served your respective countries at one time or another. My father was in the Royal Navy during WWII. All three of my Uncles on my mothers side were privates during WWII. My Grand Da was a fighter pilot during WW1. The thing about that is, when you are at war, actively fighting in a war, you expect that there will be casualties. Death is a given. To shoot a soldier at a ceremonial post, one which anyone who does any research would know means that his weapon does not have any live rounds is the act of a coward. Yet more acts of cowardice from a cowardly extremist group.

Canada’s roll during wars has often been as peacekeepers, as aid givers, as the ones who try and maintain some neutrality. Don’t for a second think that makes Canada weak. When Canada is actively engaged in war, like WWI an WWII we fight like warriors. We have the exact same mentality as our neighbors and friends, the United States. We have their back and they have our back. It makes us collectively the most war savvy continent on the planet. We will back the United States plays if we are asked to do so, and we hope that if it were ever to come to it that the feeling is mutual.

Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, we are sorry you were taken so young from us for what amounts to no reason. There is no reasoning with mad men. I salute the soldier, the father, the son, and the Canadian that died while on duty at our War Memorial Wednesday October 22, 2014.

Now on to the Anal wart on the ass of the world, Stabby.

We all know that sometimes Judge Sherry Stephens lost control of this trial a long time ago. Like on about day one of the original trial. It seems that every time I think that she can’t possibly do anything more stupid than the thing she did before she takes it as a challenge and goes ahead and does something more stupid. It is this writers humble opinion that she has no business being a judge, and apparently I am not the only one that thinks that way. Several retired Judges, ex prosecutors and ex defense attorneys have come out publicly to chastise the Judge. I know there is the argument that she is trying to limit reversible error, but I am telling you all kids, that ship sailed a long time ago. The list of errors that sometimes Judge Stephens has made is way to long for me to write the whole thing out, but I will cover the big ones.

Since it is entirely in her prevue, Judge Stephens should have prohibited Jodi Arias from doing any interviews while the trial was ongoing and especially during deliberations. You can instruct a jury to avoid media and such till you are blue in the face, odds of that actually happening are very slim, no matter what anyone thinks. Humans are curious things, it is just our nature. Please don’t go there with the first amendment. I know you want too, but when the right to speak is likely to undermine the fairness of a difficult criminal trial it goes out the window. That and the judge would have been totally legally within her rights to do so. I do not to this second understand why she chose not to do that.

Sometimes Judge Stephens like I said lost control of the courtroom almost immediately. Her permissiveness in allowing the defense to drag out the case with ridiculous and incessant objections, the sidebars that inevitably went with them whenever the defense felt like it, which was all the time which was all just a ruse to drag out the case was transparent to everyone but Judge Stephens. Losing control of the courtroom undermines the very process that you have taken an oath to uphold and protect.

Judge Stephens forgot to read a portion of the jury instructions to the jury during the penalty phase of the trial. I swear to god I am not making this shit up. A sitting judge in one of the biggest trials in the history of ever completely left out part of the jury instructions. Jury instructions are kind of important. Just sayin’, although in this case with the train wreck the trial had already become, it probably didn’t make much of a difference.

The blackout of televised re-trial of the penalty phase. If anything screams, “dude I fucked up and now I must try and unring the bell” this would be the thing. Unfortunately, all she has done is given Stabbykins another thing to appeal on. I wasn’t given a fair trial because it was televised. Even the judge knows she made an error because she decided not to televise the re-trial. That is going to be on the list along with ineffective council because Nurmi was allowed to state on the record that he does not like his client. While it was funny, it was also either very calculated, or just Nurmi’s I have had enough of this shit moment. Either way Stephens should have immediately told the jury to disregard the comment.

Now the coup de gras: Sometimes Judge Stephens has granted motions in limine regarding smuggling of contraband, lack of remorse, requests to change council and threats against trial participants. What this means is that Juan Martinez may not present any facts regarding Stabby having things like that pinwheel picture that she sold for more money for the “Stabby is going for ALL the murder money” fund or any other things that ChaCha may or may not have smuggled into or out of the prison, he can’t present any evidence that Stabby does not have a shit to give that she killed Travis three times over and that her sudden altruism is simply to try and save her ass. He cannot talk about the fact that she threatened to have Juan Martinez “Stabbied” if she got the DP, and he cannot bring up the fact that she has tried to get rid of Nurmi, Nurmi has tried to get rid of her, or that she has and then has not represented herself on two separate occasions. So she has basically tied Juan’s hands behind his back, put a blindfold on him and told him to try and pin the tail on the Donkey. It is a completely ridiculous ruling. I almost get the not bringing up that she threatened to kill Martinez because that is basically she said, she said although testimony has been found to be credible, but not allowing him to bring up the smuggling which basically tells the jury she could give a flying fuck about jail or its rules and that she can very easily bend people to her will and not to allow him to bring up her lack of remorse make me want to throttle the sometimes Judge.

I asked once and I will ask again. In Arizona, you all have to go to law school and pass the bar and actually practice law before you all can become a seated Judge right?

So, that’s it for tonight my lovelies. Don’t forget Sick Fuck Saturday is tomorrow. I am looking forward to it.

Have a great night everyone, Really Big Mean Dog peacing the fuck out.

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I’m tired of talking about Stabby.

October 24, 2014

I’m thinking about going over an old case Jeffrey MacDonald.  He is what got me started down the true crime path and he is another one that will not go away.  His trial was a media circus, he’s an idiot and it might be cool to revisit.  OR you guys pick and I will write about it.  Whatever gets the most votes I guess for lack of a better word. Current or Old case, don’t care, I just need a palette cleanse from Stabby.  And yeah, I’m still sick, I feel like 10lbs of shit in a 5lb bag actually.  But I didn’t write last night so I am compelled.  What will it be kids?  Let me know in the comments.  Facebook is acting wonky so let me know on here.

Some examples

Bundy

Betty Broderick

BTK

GRK

I won’t do Diane Downs.  I can’t deal with child killers. 

 


Pigs and Jurors and Bashara. Oh My!!!

October 23, 2014

I’m very nice.  Until I’m not. -Arizona

Hai kids.  It’s me, your intrepid reporter Kelly.  Tonight I am not only reporting on the Stabby shenanigans as well as Bob Bashara,  but also the shenanigans going on in twitter land because I have once again become the picture hanging on the dartboard in the PV clubhouse.

So, let’s start with my day.  I had to go back to the doctor today because my eye has become grossly infected.  Infected enough that my doctor did an actual double take when he saw it.  He poked, which hurt, he prodded, which hurt more, and he rolled up my extremely swollen eyelid which almost got him a kick in the nuts.  My entire eye socket is swimming in puss apparently and I am blind in the eye because of the pressure on my optic nerve.  He ordered me antibiotics, huge ones and then informed me that I also need antibiotic drops but of course disability doesn’t pay for those because who cares if I go blind, so he didn’t bother writing that script.  He looked to see if he had any samples but he didn’t.   So, here’s hoping that the antibiotics work.

A soldier in my country was shot and killed for no apparent reason.  He was the soldier entrusted with guarding the tomb of the unknown soldier.  His job was to explain about the monument and answer questions from tour groups.  He was killed for absolutely no reason.  I don’t care if that was what he chose to do.  He was on home soil where war has not been declared.   There is a theory that this is ISIS payback for us sending 6 bombers to join the attempt to eradicate this terrorist organization. Ottawa was pretty much on complete lockdown and our PM was moved to safety. So far a pretty shitty day, but not the worst day ever.

I came home and talked to my twitter peeps for a while and started researching for tonight’s blog and got a heads up that I should check out some dudes twitter because he was saying some pretty shitty things about me.  So I did, and I wish I didn’t.  Of course he is a PV lover and apparently a Stabby lover since PV is telling the truth about Stabby and she is a MUCH better writer than I am.  Then he started talking about how I needed to see a plastic surgeon because I look like I fell on a hand grenade and then enquired if Really Big Mean Dog was because I was a really fat miserable bitch.  I of course told my friends who summarily went insane, which was not my intent, I was just upset and wanted to tell someone.  I reported and blocked and hopefully that new piece of shit will be gone by tomorrow.  Not gonna lie to you, it hurt me terribly to read those things. But then I got thinking that you guys don’t really have a shit to give about what I look like on the outside so from me to Pig Vomit; eat a Dick.  Preferably one riddled with syphilis.  your day is coming very soon and the whole world is going know who you are.

Speaking of pigs, today in Stabby land things got almost interesting for a second. Here are the Bombshells, spoiler (not really) of the day. Stabby has a boyfriend. He has so far not been named, but he has been in court and he visits her in jail all the time. Remember you read it here a few blogs ago when I said some Stabby groupie would marry her and never have sex again.

We lost another Juror and it is all Beth Karas’ fault. During the first break, she was doing an on camera segment outside of the courthouse. She realized that a juror was standing nearby but figured she couldn’t hear shit so she carried on. Karas said that when she came back into the courthouse, the dumbass juror approached her and asked if she was Nancy Grace.   Karas answered that she used to work with Grace and then reported the idiot to the court. So, we have another fame whore wanna be, and goddamn they seem to be coming out of the fucking wood don’t they, except this one doesn’t know the difference between Nancy Grace and Beth Karas. Probably hoping to get a job on HLN. Beth Karas totally did the right thing, and as an officer of the court (she is still a member of the bar) she was actually compelled to do so. My guess, another stealth juror who could later throw the trial by saying they’d heard the interview yada yada mistrial. Sometimes Judge Sherry reiterated her admonition to stay the fuck away from televisions and newspapers and social media, because yeah, that’s totally going to happen.

As far as the actual trial itself, it is pretty much the abridged version of the first trial. Dr. Kevin Horn, pathologist/underwear model was on the stand and we went through each and every one of Travis’ wounds again. That poor, poor man. I hate Stabby a little bit more each and every time I hear penetrating stab wound, incised wound, defensive wound. How he must have fought to live. How terrified do you think he was? And somehow, I can hear her laughing at his terror, telling him that if she couldn’t have him than nobody ever would. I don’t know why I think that, but I really do.

The fact that back in 2009 Flores said the order of wounds was different was brought up. It was also brought up that these were Flores own thoughts on the sequence of events and
that the medical examiner had never told him that. Horn confirmed that he had never told him that.

Jenny from the cell block got up and took a pretty good run at Dr. Horn. She couldn’t shake him, but she did win the talent portion of the competition. Dr. Horn was firm on his wound infliction timeline. He was stabbed a billion times (at least that’s what it felt like), she slit his throat and then just for the fuck of it she shot him in the head. I think the idea of multiple weapons was so she could claim multiple intruders if it came down to it and she did.

Stabby was also caught making fuck me eyes at on of the male Jurors by Henri DelRey, one of the reporters in the courtroom. Remember kids, all you need is one.

Now, on to the sick twist that is Bob Bashara:
Today, Mark O’Riordan, with the U.S. Secret Service, told jurors about his Jan. 27, 2012, interview of Bashara. During that interview he admitted that he had had an affair 8 years earlier but claimed to not be banging some bondage bitch prior to his wife being killed. Then he pulled out the “I am a rotary club president therefore I am above reproach” card.

The witness of the day prize went to Janet Leehmann. She told the court that Bashara was a big fat liar because he was in Oregon banging her (literally and figuratively) two weeks before his wife was murdered. They met on alt.com which is exactly what it sounds like and I’m not going to see for myself. He asked her to consider relocating to Grosse Pointe from Oregon and told her that his Daddy was a big time judge which is no doubt why he figured he could kill his wife and not really worry about it. Bashara, who Leehmann referred to as Master Bob told her that he and Rachel Gillett, the longtime mistress he totally wasn’t having an affair with, were looking for a third person to join them at Shirley’s house of pain and pleasure.

For Christmas, Bashara got her a $25 gift card to the Olive Garden with some of his wife’s money since he didn’t have any, and a leather string to wear on her wrist as a symbol of his ownership of her. “You are to wear it on your left wrist and not wear it around your neck until I’m there to put it there myself,” he wrote her.

She got a message saying she would soon feel his strength and passion. (excuse me I need the puke bucket again) Leehmann thought she was getting into some light bondage and instead what she got into was a beating that left her marked up for over 3 months because of course Bashara is one of those sick fucks that can’t get it up unless he’s beating on a woman.

After his wife just turned up dead to his complete and utter shock, he told Leehmann that they should not be in contact for a while which was cool with her, she figured she could just quietly peace the fuck out, but then the sicko called her and said he wanted her to hid his other mistress in Oregon with her. She took a pass, called the cops and got a restraining order. Smart girl.

Bashara’s trial continues tomorrow and because it is so much more interesting than Stabby 2.0 I will be covering it as well.

That is all for tonight kids. This is Really Big Mean Dog peacing the fuck out. Have a great night.

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I Think The Entire Planet Just Collectively Tossed Their Cookies.

October 21, 2014

Mi’lady I am going to require the puke bucket in Arizona, can you Fed Ex it or something?-Arizona

 

Hai Kids.  It’s me your very favorite Stabby hater and teller of truths that some pieces of shit on the internet just don’t want to hear bringing you day 1 of what is sure to be a vomit-fest of a penalty phase retrial.  For you number of the numb fucks who don’t seem to get this part, I will speak slowly and loudly.  STABBY IS ALREADY CONVICTED OF FIRST DEGREE AGGRAVATED MURDER.  THIS IS NOT A DO-OVER.  THIS IS ONLY TO DECIDE WHETHER SHE GETS TO DIE NOW OR TO ROT IN HOPEFULLY A REALLY SHITTY PRISON FOR THE REST OF HER NATURAL LIFE. IF THE SECOND OPTION IS WHAT HAPPENS, THAN I HOPE THAT SHE GETS HER FACE SHOVED IN SHIT DAILY FOR THE ENTIRE REST OF HER LIFE.  ARE WE CLEAR NOW?

Before we get to the vomit inducing opening statement of Alfred E. Nurmi, I wanted to let you know that Oscar Pusstorius ended up getting 5 years for murdering his girlfriend.  What that translates to is about 10 months worth of actual incarceration and the remainder under house arrest.  And a big shout out to the bookies in South Africa because they totally called it.  Way better book makers in SA than here.  The odds in the States were 0-3 and in Canada because we still have a ridiculous belief that the justice system actually works, 7.5 to 15.  Way to go South African Bookies.  The prosecution may appeal the amount of incarceration, but in all honesty I doubt it.  I think they know they were damn lucky that they got anything.  The only one more surprised than I was that he actually got jail time was maybe Pusstorius because dude totally thought he was going to skate.  The look of total shock on his face was maybe the first time he wasn’t acting during the entire trial.  It was a beautiful thing.

Now,  on to the shit show that is the never ending trial of Stabby Anal Einstein.

The crowd was much smaller this time than for the first trial but that may change once we get closer to verdict.

Sometimes Judge Stephens spent the first bit dealing with other court matters before we even got started.  The pit-bull and his dog handler Esteban Flores walked into the courthouse together.  Because this makes not one lick of difference what so ever just for today I will tell you that Both Juan, Esteban Flores, the court reporter, Nurmi, and everyone else of import was dressed in suits with ties or appropriate court attire. I don’t give a shit who is wearing what so I won’t be talking about it much. That is unless Stabby and Prom Queen contender Jenny from the cell block start dressing alike again.   Stabby was dressed in a beige shirt with her hair down and I’m sorry to report but her bangs are still missing.  They may be hiding out with Nurmi’s chair.

Sometimes Judge Stephens announced that one of the jurors had been dismissed due to a family emergency and of course Alfred E. took that as his cue to throw his first hissy fit of the day. He was denied, the jurors were sworn and we were off.

Travis’ family were out in full force and the Stabby family was also in attendance. Brother Stabby was wearing a purple ribbon in support of DV victims and the puke buckets I had Mi’lady Fed Ex me came in handy for the first time of the day.

Alfred E. Nurmi rode in on the mitigating factors train with a brand new tale of woe for Stabbykins. Just like your intrepid blogger predicted, the only thing left to go with was insanity so Alfred E. went with that. He tried to paint Stabby as a mentally ill woman who now DEFINITELY had the borderline personality disorder that she totally DID NOT HAVE during the first penalty phase trial. He talked about her tragic and horrible childhood of being grounded for growing weed on the roof. He said her mother totally didn’t support her daughter enough and she beat the bitch. Mom of Stabby physically winced when this was said. He said she had no criminal past. Then he went on to tell the jurors what to expect during this farce of a retrial. He told the jurors that the pictures they were going to see were likely going to give them the dry heaves in a big way, and that there would also be autopsy photo’s. He referred to Travis as “Beloved Travis” which must be some new code for pedophile since that is what he spent the entire last trial calling him. He stressed that Stabby was madly in love with Travis about eleventy billion times. He said that Stabby herself would tell them her horror at realizing she had killed the love of her life so ding ding ding I win again because the stupid bitch is going to take the stand. I could almost see the sneer on Juans face through the tweets. Then Esteban Flores, lead investigator and dog wrangler removed the muzzle and Juan was up.

In true pit-bull fashion Juan went immediately for the jugular. “You will come to know the emotional and mental suffering…” and Alfred E. objected and we headed for the sidebar. He told them about how she had taken his body and dragged it down the hall, stuffing him into the shower like a thanksgiving turkey. He said that she was the sexual one “She told the court she was shaving her pussy so it could be nice and soft for him and that if he was good, she would give him a blowjob and he could come on her face,” Martinez said and I used the puke bucket from South Africa once again. Good thing I asked for that. He went over the whole thing from the gas cans to the car to the gun completely covering the premeditated killing of Travis. He told them that having borderline personality disorder is not legally insane. He brought up that Stabby had lied to the police and that is a crime in reference to Nurmi’s insistence that Stabby was a good girl who had never done a bad thing ever, ever, ever.

Alfred E is still shooting for that world records for most objections in the history of ever and he was right on target today. He also managed to slip in at least one request for a mistrial because Juan said that Stabby broke the law by lying to the police. Objection was sustained but motion for mistrial was denied. Then it was lunch time. I’m sorry I can’t tweet pictures of my lunch. It was strawberry pop-tarts and a pepsi. Just try and picture it in your mind.

Juan was back up and the vet obviously missed the target because he continued to pace and snarl about how Stabby had no problems interacting in society as far as working; you know when she didn’t have a fuckbuddy to sponge off of. Then he called her a big fat liar when he said the only proof of any childhood abuse are the words that come out of her mouth. Aaaand I just got a mental picture of things coming out of her mouth and hit the puke bucket yet again. He finished his opening by saying that there are no mitigating factors in this case, zero, none and Alfred E. Nurmi got another objection in and made his second mistrial request. Double denied.

Flores tossed Juan a good-boy treat as the pit-bull called the states first witness. Michael Melendez, computer forensics unit. They went through the whole camera thing and everything was going along swimmingly until they got to the first picture of Stabby and her GAPING wonder hole. Good thing Nurms gave some warning about the whole dry heaving thing because everybody did.

Nurmi got up to cross examine and he was much more interested in Travis’ computer than he was in pictures that totally didn’t prove that Stabby killed Travis. He seemed to be pretending they didn’t exist. Unfortunately for Nurmi neither did any internet porn of any kind ever. Sucks to be you Nurmi.

Next up was Esteban Flores. They went through how the body was found and went over the pictures that were taken of the crime scene and Nurmi wants a sidebar. Holy fuck the whole lot of them are going to be pissed by the time court is done. Then court recessed for 15 minutes.

The remainder of the day was Flores on the stand and a recap of the trial ending with the autopsy photos of Travis. Court reconvenes tomorrow at 12:30

That’s it for today kids.
Have a great night.

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Unfortunately, There Is No Cure For Stupid

October 20, 2014

And the stupid just keeps on comin’-Arizona

Hai kids.  As you can guess by the title of today’s little ditty, I may or may not be somewhat annoyed at some of the shit that has been flying around the internet.  The truckload of freshly fermenting pig shit that is the crap going around about Stabby and how she is fucking innocent.  Just for the record, right now this second lets just get one simple little FACT straight.  You know just for everyone’s edification.  Stabby viciously murdered Travis Alexander.  She was not fighting for her life, you don’t stab someone in the back when they are attacking you from the front.  Spent casings do NOT get kicked around in pools of blood without leaving a trail of blood from where it started to where it ended.  You do not almost cut off the head of someone who is to the point where they are crawling on their hands and knees if you are in an altercation you want to get away from, you run in the fucking opposite direction. You can sprinkle any kind of magical pixie dust on that shit that you want, hell you can dip it in pop-tart frosting; it is NOT going to change the fact that Stabby is a cold blooded, pre-meditated murderess. Yeah, I said it, she totally pre-meditated that shit and for you stabbyites who stalk my site and send me all those ever so charming emails, suck on that.

Now, because they are all butthurt for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being that Stabby’s good old mitigation specialist/dance instructor is having a good long look taken at her and exactly what she has been up to during this whole shit show. Miss mitigation2014 is in it up to her asshole. The only real question is what her cut is? Anyway, because they have nothing else left to bitch about, the Kool-Aid drinking troglodytes have decided that dragging Chris Hughes back into this with theories that the reflection in Travis’ eye is now Mormon undergarments is a truly brilliant idea. Because Chris Hughes hasn’t been through enough. And Travis’ family hasn’t been through enough. The friends that found his crumpled up rotting corpse have not been through enough. You think they don’t see that in their nightmares every night? I promise you that they do. Not only did the psychopathic bitch kill Travis, she killed his grandmother, and she destroyed 20 other lives at a bare minimum. Those are just the people that were especially close to Travis, not included are his casual friends. Nobody talks about how many people the man who overcame insurmountable odds to become something that was special and good and kind could have helped. They talk about how this is all a Mormon conspiracy and Stabby is totally innocent. Instead of talking about how she “innocently” almost decapitated a man, they talk about how she has been railroaded by an entire laundry list of people who all came together because the simply could not handle the fabulousness of Stabby fucking Einstein. Talk about how she stalked him, and peeped into his windows and slashed his tires and threatened any woman in his life and they deflect with the fact that he said a few unkind words to her in an email. Words that were no doubt in my mind wholly deserved. Mention that Stabby was nothing but a whore who used her body to try and elevate her station in life and we are slut shaming her. She is, was, and always will be a slut of epic scale. I agree that woman have every much right to use men for sex as men do to use women for sex, I draw the line at using your sexuality to get whatever it is that you want. That doesn’t just make you a slut, it makes you a prostitute. You are trading sex for money or prestige or a higher station in life therefore you are a prostitute. I don’t want to hear about how it is done everyday. If a prostitute doesn’t get paid she does not in the normal course of business cut some dudes head off.

Chris and Skye Hughes were Travis’ best friends on earth. The stabbyites say terrible things about Chris Hughes that I will not repeat here because I have followed Chris Hughes on Twitter and he seems to be all about love, redemption and forgiveness. Now, that could be just for show, but I don’t think it is and seriously, how often have I been wrong that you all can think of? They are writing a book about Travis, and who better to do so? Of course Satan’s minions are all over that. Not because they think their queen may be portrayed in a bad light, not because they think that the Hughes are part of the conspiracy. They are angry and screaming about son of sam laws all of a sudden because the Hughes are going to make money off of said book. This is very telling because it means that most of the idiots that follow the psychopath have absolutely zero understanding of what this law is, and it also tells me they are concerned that anybody other than Stabby make any money off of this horrible murder. I was going to say tragedy, but that would imply accident and this was about as pre-meditated as it gets. As for the Hughes making money, I say good. I hope they make money by the dump truck full. I hope a brinks truck has to be backed up to their house once a week to drop off the money. It’s all good for Stabby to make money off of her traced crap, it’s okay to make money from the sale of props from the first trial and it’s okay to collect money for an “appeals fund” that anyone with more than four functioning brain cells knows is going to be used for anything but appeals. She has a private investigator. Remember when she said the money would be for appeals, PI’s anything to help prove her innocence? I do. I also can confirm that the State of Arizona is paying for the private detective that she is using right now. Why is that? Ask one of her majesties minions and they will tell you that either Stabby never said that (but she did and of course I have a screen cap of it) or that the money won’t be used until the appeals process kicks in. I really hope that the IRS is taking a nice long hard look at this whole irrevocable trust. I have sent them a letter, but have not heard back yet. I first let them know that this was happening although I am sure they are aware, and I had a list of questions I asked for clarification on. It was a large list and included several loopholes that I was concerned with and asked if they had any way to change them. I can’t wait for their reply.

Then there was the whole dust-up about the motion to quash the death penalty being a closed hearing. I have to tell you, I have a bit of a problem with that myself. The American justice system is supposed in theory at least to be transparent. It is not. With this trial it seems to become less and less transparent all the time. The reason for the closed hearing however was because certain “evidence” that was deemed inadmissible during the first trial was part of the motion. How do I know this? I know this because I know how to read and I know how to do research. Two things that seem to be woefully lacking on the Stabby loon side of the fence. The item in question had to do with the forged letters that Stabby tried to have introduced into her trial. They were not introduced because they were forgeries. Another thing that the Stabbyites are having kittens about. Our least favorite stalker extraordinaire PV seems to think since there were no originals they could not be proven to be forged. I have an answer for PV and I hope she reads it and actually hears what I am saying. Do you not find it odd that there were copies of what would have been extremely devastating letters and that the originals were destroyed. If these were electronic letters and I can only assume, but since that was how they seemed to communicate I am going to go with that, then there would be a copy on Travis’ hard drive. Of course PV is going to say he erased it. My answer to that is, nothing, not anything not ever is really truly erased on a computer. You can make it go away, but it can be recovered. Nothing ever was because there was nothing to recover. The same reason there was no child porn, or even nice normal regular porn, or anything of that nature. These things were the last grasp at the straw of a very desperate woman. When even the National Enquirer will not print it and my god they have printed things that would make a rational persons hair stand on end, then we can all rest assured that I am correct. I understand that you and logic are not very well acquainted PV, but at least try glancing it’s way once in a while. Fuck me sideways, you are a stupid woman sometimes.

Now to the poor frightened mitigation witnesses that wouldn’t testified because they were so, so scared to do so. Let’s start with Patty “I never met a drug I didn’t like” Womack. Womack is/ or was at the time of mitigation, eating government cheese. Nothing wrong with that. People fall on hard times and that is what the government safety net is for. Want to know what isn’t ok? Selling pictures of your oh so good friend Stabby to HLN to several thousand dollars and then not telling the government so that it can be deducted from your check. That murder money was hers fair and square right? So when she was brought up as a possible mitigation witness, Juan did what Juan does and actually did his job. He looked into Womacks history, found out how much she got for the pictures and that she was a drug user and informed her that if she took the stand he was going to bring up said murder money and her drug use. She retained a lawyer who advised her not to take the stand. If she is taking it now, it is because someone on Stabby’s team has paid the government back to welfare the money she would have had taken from her check and she has perhaps been to rehab although I cannot confirm that at this time. We may be seeing her as a mitigation witness.

Matt McCarney. Once again, when his name was put on the mitigation list, Juan did his due diligence and informed McCartney that his perjury during pre-trial hearings were going to be brought up and charges were going to be likely forthcoming so of course he bailed.

Stabby’s entire family- Lets see, they all gave videotaped interviews during the interrogation stages of this whole thing and nobody had anything very flattering to say. Getting on the stand and suddenly saying what a wonderful joy to behold Stabby was would have immediately brought perjury charges forth. Perjury is not a joke and Juan Martinez is not the one. Believe me, you do not want to be in his way when he gets a bug up his ass, and he definitely has one for this trial.

Last but not least by a long shot, let’s take a moment and talk about the odds and ends. The most disgusting thing I read about this trial was when Stabby said she never wanted to go to trial and tried to “settle” with the prosecution. Settle, like she was dealing with a traffic ticket. She wanted to do man 2 with a guaranteed 10 year sentence. It was therefore, the prosecutors fault and the families fault that they had to sit through all the bullshit that she made up about Travis and couldn’t say a word. The Alexader family have to be some of the most stoic people I have ever seen. Travis would have been so proud.

Alyce LaViolette- I hold a special hatred for Alyce LaViolette and most of you know why. For those that don’t I won’t get into it right now, but I know there is a very special place in hell for Alyce LaViolette. Anyone who would sell their soul for 15 min of fame and the hopes of parlaying their testimony into a book is nothing more than the gaping asshole on Stabby that we spent oh so much time hearing about. It would be so much better for me if I could believe that maybe Stabby just was so good that she fooled Alyce. I just flat out don’t believe it. I believe she did it for the money and fame period. Karma is a bitch though because my sources tell me that things have not been great for Alyce since her time on the stand at the Stabby Einstein trial.

Kirk Nurmi: Dig that because it will probably be the last time I refer to him by his given name. I have been giving Nurmi a lot of thought. Kirk worked at the public defenders office when this case first came up. They are overworked and very seriously underpaid for what they have to do there. they also do not have a choice of whether they do or do not take a client. If you are the next lawyer up, whatever case comes in it is yours, no matter how bad of a case it is, or how guilty you know your client to be or how much of a pain in the ass they turn into. Mr. Nurmi has been trying to get away from Stabby almost since inception as her council of record. That speaks volumes. He knows she is lying, he knows that to allow her to do some of the things she wanted to do would be knowingly suborning perjury which can lead to disbarment, he knows she is a psychopath and he has still tried to offer the best defense that he could. He has worked hard for an ungrateful, hateful, spiteful bitch because that was his job. I dislike his style as an attorney, I dislike the way he seemed to be enjoying some of the more salacious parts of the testimony, I hate the way he seemed to be mocking the prosecution at times, but I feel very, very bad for Kirk Nurmi. I know he is going to be glad when this trial is over and I hope that he never has another one like it. One of these is enough.

Sometimes Judge Stephens. I started out liking Judge Stephens alright. I thought she was giving the defense a little too much latitude sometimes, but she seemed fairly no nonsense and I always appreciate that in a Judge. I loved when she rolled her eyes, I loved when you could tell she was not buying the big bag of horseshit that Stabby was selling. I loved that she knew it was obvious and she didn’t care. Then all the sealed this and sealed that and ex-parte motions and media blackouts started and I lost whatever respect I had for the sometimes Judge. There is a ton of appealable issues in this trial. In my opinion, blacking out the media after allowing it during the first trial is like holding up a giant sign saying I fucked up and you didn’t get a fair trial. Extreme stupidity in my opinion.

There are your Stabby Updates for the evening my lovelies. The real fun and games should hopefully begin tomorrow.

 

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The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law: More Terms You Need To Know and Weirdness That Happens In Many Trials

October 19, 2014

The freaks come out at night…..and during the day….and the afternoon….and in court, ESPECIALLY IN COURT- Somewhere on earth

Hello students. Welcome to another titillating class on terms you need to know as well as the unfortunate weirdness that is inherent to most criminal proceedings. Please rise and face Florida for the singing of the class anthem. Deb? Two fingers are sufficient for the Florida salute and I don’t even want to know where you got the spare one you brought with you. I appreciate your enthusiasm Deb, but I do have my limits. No, I am not being all yelly and grilly. I’m very sorry your brain is scrambled right now, but no there is not a test so don’t worry. The fog is lifting? Good. I’m very happy. Yes it was very nice of you to bring Strawberry Frappuccino’s for everyone. Yes Deb we all love you. Class, please assure Deb we love her and Silly if you would be so kind as to retrieve the scissors that Deb seems to have stuffed in her purse. Thank you.

Today class, we are going to first deal with some more terms that you as lawyers are going to want to know. After that we are going to get into the part of the class that usually holds everyone completely enraptured. It is the section on all the freaky weird shit that usually ends up coming out at some point during a trial. For this section we will be dealing with State V Bashara, State V Arias, South Africa V Pusstorias and if time permits, a few others.

Before we start, your professor and dean of fuckery has something of some import to share. I usually refuse to cover cases that involve the death of small children. They quite frankly revolt and upset your professor so she is not right for days.  

 

Now on to todays lesson. As lawyers you know that there are eleventy billion terms that you are going to be required to at least pretend you know and understand. While it would take this law professor about a hundred years to cover all of them, I am trying to get to the ones that are especially important in making you look like you know what you are doing.

Probable Cause Hearing: Also known as a show-cause hearing. Show-cause hearings occur when either the police or the alleged victim of a crime file an application for a criminal complaint with the court. After an application has been filed, the court will send the defendant a notice in the mail requesting him or her to appear before a clerk-magistrate in a criminal show-cause hearing. The show-cause hearing may also be called a magistrate’s hearing or a criminal complaint hearing. At a show-cause hearing, the complaining party must produce evidence demonstrating “probable cause” that the defendant committed the crime.

Grand Jury: A panel of citizens that is convened by a court to decide whether it is appropriate for the government to indict (proceed with a prosecution against) someone suspected of a crime. The usual role of a grand jury is to review the adequacy of evidence presented by the prosecutor and then decide whether to indict the suspect. In some cases, a grand jury decides which charges are appropriate. Generally, grand jurors do not lead investigations, but can question witnesses to satisfy themselves that evidence is adequate and usable. The prosecutor prepares a bill of indictment (a list explaining the case and possible charges) and presents evidence to the grand jury. The jurors can call witnesses, including the target of the investigation, without revealing the nature of the case. They call witnesses by using a document called a subpoena. A person who refuses to answer the grand jury’s questions can be punished for Contempt of court. However, no witness need answer incriminating questions unless that witness has been granted Immunity. In federal courts, the jurors may accept Hearsay and other evidence that is normally not admissible at trial. If the grand jury agrees that there is sufficient reason to charge the suspect with a crime, it returns an indictment carrying the words true bill. If there is insufficient evidence to satisfy the grand jury, it returns an indictment carrying the words no bill.

Subpoena: a writ issued by a court of justice requiring a person to appear before the court at a specified time. Subpoena’s cannot be ignored and anyone failing to answer a subpoena is subject to contempt of court charges and is usually jailed for an indeterminate amount of time. Failing to answer a subpoena is an excellent way to piss off a judge.

arraignment: To call (an accused person) before a court to answer the charge made against him or her by indictment, information, or complaint. The reading of the charges into the record is done the first time at an arraignment.

Indictment: A written statement charging a party with the commission of a crime or other offense, drawn up by a prosecuting attorney and found and presented by a grand jury.

Sexting: This one is a relatively new term in law. It is exactly what it sounds like, but I will provide you with the legal definition anyway. Sexting refers to an act of sending sexually explicit materials through mobile phones. The word is derived from the combination of two terms sex and texting. Sexting is a punishable offence in the U.S A person texting sexually explicit photographs of themselves, or of their friends or partners, if any of the pictures are of people that have not attained legal age, can be charged with distribution of child pornography and those who receive the images can been charged with possession of child pornography. The term was defined by the court in United States v. Broxmeyer, 2010

These terms will all appear on your next exam, so as always please memorize them.

Now onto weirdness that often appears in criminal cases because the skeleton closet is apparently a really small space.

In the case of State V Bashara, some of the more weird things that have become known during opening statements. Bashara is a bondage freak. He kept his very own dungeon, complete with whips, chains, assorted pointy instruments, had a mistress who thought Bashara was divorced (and boy is she pissed off) planned to bring another woman into the relationship with the mistress as a sex slave, according to his now dead wife had SEVERE ERECTILE DISFUNCTION ( apparently not so much as long as he was allowed to beat up his women prior to boning them) was into breathplay -choking for those of you who are confused. Completely coincidentally his wife was strangled to death. He liked to be called master bob by his bondage freak mistresses. As lawyers, by the time you get a big time criminal trial, most of this stuff should be old news, but just in case, be prepared because you just never know what kind of kinked out skeleton might come leaping out of that closet.

In State V Stabby Einstein your professor was pretty sure by then that she had heard everything. Then we found out about pot plants on the roof, missing and presumed dead dogs named doggy boy, yoga positions during interrogation, convicts digging through trash and singing to themselves in the interrogation room. A client that wanted to be her own lawyer and then she didn’t. And then she did, and then she didn’t. Her lawyer tried 9 times to have himself removed as first chair. There were forged letters. I thought to myself, well, how much worse can it get? And then the pop-rocks and tootsie pops came out. Anal sex, vaginal sex, sex tapes, phone sex, toblerone bars, hawt braids and bubblebaths, and mouth hugs. Jizz on the face, jizz on the back, jizz on the tits. There was enough jizz in that trial to float the fucking USS Indianapolis. Love sacs, adjustments, grinding, Christening sex, sex bent over desks. It was fucking sexapaloza in this trial. It’s a wonder anybody got anything done with the amount of banging going on. You as lawyers cannot let any of this throw you. Hell, you can’t even act surprised or disgusted. You have to pretend like all this is perfectly normal behavior. I guess some of it is, but once food items start getting inserted into various orifices I’m out, sorry.

South Africa V Poor, Poor Oscar Pusstorius. Well, at least this one doesn’t involve any weird sex that we are aware of. That’s okay though because there is more than enough weirdness without the salaciousness of weird sexual practices added into the mix. Shooting through closed bathroom doors, blue lights as opposed to any other light on the amp keeping someone awake, busting down a door with a cricket bat, cops stealing watches. Crime scenes trampled through by most of south Africa. Chains of custody being brought into question. Puke buckets in the courtroom. Black talon ammunition, which is armor piercing by the way, automatic weapons, firing shots through a car sunroof. Firing shots off in a crowded restaurant. The whole entire goddamn trial was nothing but one long list of weird. And that was before we discovered that mitigation witnesses were being paid and that the judge obviously has a super sekrit crush on poor, poor Oscar. As lawyers you must deal with all of this horse shit as well. Don’t blame me, you wanted to be lawyers.

That is it for tonight class. Don’t forget to study. We will be covering the outcome of the poor, poor, Pusstorius sentence during our next class.

Have a lovely evening
Class Dismissed.

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