-I can write an amicus brief, as well as my motion to quash, contemporaneously – Arizona
Hello Class. Professor Kelly is very busy today so please sit down and take notes. Today’s lesson will be on frivolous motions that have no bearing on anything ever. Apparently in Arizona, you can bring the exact same motion before the court eleventy billion times in the hopes that the judge might let one slip past. Well, this Law Professor is not having it so I am bringing a motion to quash the motion to quash.
First, a quick lesson on motions.
Motion in United States law. In United States law, a motion is a procedural device to bring a limited, contested issue before a court for decision. It is a request to the judge (or judges) to make a decision about the case.
A motion to quash is a request to a court to render a previous decision of that court or a lower judicial body null or invalid. It can arise out of mistakes made by any lawyer in a court proceeding.
A motion to quash in the case of The Great State of Arizona and King Juan 1 V Stabby Anal Arias is a request to the court to render a perfectly valid decision invalid because the Queen of the Universe is starting to see that needle in her dreams.
Once a motion has been filed, unfortunately the presiding judge has no choice but the read the stupid fucking thing, laugh hysterically, pass it around to the office so they can all laugh hysterically and then stamp a big fat DENIED on it.
Now I have been a Law Professor for weeks and I have never seen a motion that is 59 pages long ever. That was not a type-o. Alfred E. is pulling out all the stops on this one. If he is going down it is going to be in flames since this is possibly the most insane and incoherent motion that this Law Professor has ever read. It’s almost like he let pigvomit write it.
Because I feel really bad that Judge Stephens has to read and rule on this thing, I have decided to bring my own goddamn motion. My Motion To Quash the Motion to Quash the Consideration of the Death Penalty appears below. I managed to come in at somewhere under 59 pages, so no world record for me.
Professor Kelly Really Big Mean Dog McFadden #666666
Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law
52 Main Street Rockford
Buttfuck No Where
Planet Earth- Mostly
Attorney of record for defense of actual lawyers everywhere and probably the constitution
This motion is brought forth in answer to war and peace uh, I mean the 59 page motion filed by Alfred E. Nurmi and his band of lackey’s et al.
It is the contention of the Really Big Mean Dog School of Law that the Motion to dismiss State’s Notice Of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to Continued State Misconduct is flawed on several levels and therefore I respectfully present my motion to quash their motion to quash the states motion of intent to seek the death penalty.
I make this motion based on Stabby’s choice to continue to engage in a persistent pattern of general fuckery which has left her in a position where she has not a leg to stand on.
When considering this motion I ask the court to consider only real facts and not the ones that Stabby and her minions have made up. You know, like the fact that she almost cut Travis’ head off. Finally, given the ever changing nature of the stories she makes up, I reserve the right to supplement this motion any time I feel like it.
Summary of Argument.
The bitch did it.
The bitch admitted she did it.
The bitch does not have a non made up mitigating factor anywhere.
She stabbed a man 27 times, cut his neck so deep his head almost fell off and shot him.
She did it because she was a jealous narcissistic butthurt bitch.
She couldn’t care less that she killed a man.
Other Relevant Facts
Someone made up a fake account for Detective Flores Wife with the handle Imbossthatway
We all know that it was Sandra Webber
She is doing everything in her power to get herself put into the middle of this trial
She may or may not be hot for the defendant
She is trying very hard to ruin the reputation of a fine detective and his very lovely wife
She needs to stop before shit gets real.
All the other crap in the motion to dismiss has already been seen about as many times as Stabby’s cooch.
Facts Relating to the State Letting Potential Mitigation Witnesses Know That if They Lied They Would Be Charged With Perjury
Patty Womack was warned that she would be questioned on the murder money she got for selling pictures to various media outlets. Patty was worried since she is on Welfare and she could be charged and her free money taken away, which would cause her to not be able to procure drugs.
Matt McCartney was warned that he would be charged with perjury for lying about Travis being a pedophile.
Mom of Stabby was told she would be questioned about all the non beatings and all the fun things she had to say about her psycho daughter during police questioning.
The defenses actions in the case tell a tale of misconduct and fame seeking which started long before this trial ever did. As the facts of the above very obviously demonstrate, this motion should have never been brought forth and I urge the court to regard it for what it is; another waste of a lot of perfectly good paper and yet another stall tactic by the defense. I request that the motion be quashed.
Respectfully Submitted this 4th day of October 2014
Kelly M McFadden
Professor of Law and Dean of Fuckery
Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law.
And there you have it class, a perfectly written motion to quash. Class dismissed.