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Lets Take a Break From Stabby For a Moment and Talk About One Of My Homegrown Nutbags

October 6, 2014

We got our very own insanity sandwich-Ontario

Hai kids.  Not much exciting to report in the world of watching paint dry that isVoire dire for the Stabby thing.  Since that is the case, I thought I would bring you a little piece of psycho sauce from my very own neck of the woods (well Quebec but still) Luka Magnotta. WARNING: THIS IS GRAPHIC. I AM NOT KIDDING. I’M SORRY, BUT THIS IS WHAT WENT DOWN AND IT’S WHAT I HAVE TO WRITE.

This is Luka Magnotta.

luka-rocco-magnotta2

If the thought crossed your mind that you may have seen him before, stop watching gay porn and or soliciting male prostitutes because he was both.

Luka Magnotta also takes my blog waaaaay to literally and decided to open up his own Jeffrey Dahmer School of Culinary Arts. Bitch never paid me a royalty either.

Luka is the same sick bitch that the whole world wanted to kill for murdering kittens on you tube a couple three years ago. Unfortunately for the dude he killed, nobody found him. He was desperate to be famous. Famous, infamous whichever, it made no difference to this sick twist one way or the other. He just wanted everybody to know who he was. I’ve seen interviews this guy has done trying to get on some plastic surgery reality show (if I can find the links I will post them later, and also a news spot expounding how wonderful being a porn actor/rent boy was as opposed to being a stripper which was his first job.

Puka (type-o and I’m keeping it) wanted everyone to think he was a man of the world and there are several billion very badly photo shopped pictures of him in all the hotspots all over the world. It would be funny except for the whole dead guy thing.

Anyway, Puka went out a trolling one night and met up with Jun Lin, a Chinese foreign exchange student who came to Canada because it is much easier to be a gay man in Canada than in China. We don’t shoot you and your entire family for shit like that here. Anyway, Lin and Puka ended up back at Puka’s apartment and that is when everything went directly to hell in a handbasket. And later a suitcase, a couple of hefty bags and two fed ex boxes.

The working theory is that he convinced Lin to play some sort of bondage game and once he had Lin tied up nice and tight he either drugged him or smashed him over the head with something heavy. Did I mention he filmed the entire thing? And yes, I’ve seen it. And I strongly, like really strongly recommend that you don’t go looking for it. It is bad. Like almost too much even for me bad. He killed the guy on film by cutting his throat, which makes a mess. Then he proceeded to stab him exactly 100 times with an icepick. That is important because it shows that he was performing for the camera. Exactly 100 times. Dude was already way dead so at least there was that. Then he cut a few pieces off because why not and then he had sex with the body. Actually he pretended to have sex with the body for the camera because it was very obvious that he was flaccid at the time. Oh and he’s got a really small dick. Then, because that wasn’t enough fun for one evening he went and got a knife and fork, cut himself off a hunk of Jin and ate it. Then he brought in a dog and let it eat a whole lot of Jin. Then he cut some more parts off and just for shits and giggles packaged them in fed-ex boxes and mailed them to members of parliament. Oh look, Christmas came early.

All of this made a big huge mess. While he was debating about whether to call Molly Maid or clean it up himself he ordered a pizza. I swear to god I am not making this up. He seriously ordered a pizza. From Pizza Pizza. So he ate his pizza, threw a bunch of body parts into the garbage out back of the building because again, why not, put Jun Lin’s torso into a suitcase which also ended up out back and then came back in and took a really good look around his apartment. My guess would be his next words were, FUUUUUCK MEEEEE. There is not enough bleach in the world to clean this up, so I think I will just grab my handy dandy passport and peace the fuck out. Which is exactly what he did.

Puka caught the first plane to anywhere that wasn’t Canada which landed him in Paris. From there he went to Germany. Silly Puka. Non-extradition countries are a psychopaths best friend. It’s in the goddamn handbook…….which I totally don’t own.

Anyway he got extradited and oh goody, we got him back. He has now decided that he did it but he is insane and everybody is going with that. His dad was schizophrenic so he has decided on schizophrenia by osmosis.

Puka is as pure a psychopath as I have ever seen. EVER. We are talking Ted Bundy level Psychopath here. He’s going to go to jail for life, which in Canada translates to 25 years. He will however probably get dangerous offender status because he filmed the murder which will keep him in jail forever and ever and ever. This is one of those things I wish we still had the death penalty for. Him and Bernardo and then they could scrub it again. I’d be cool with that.

 

 
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