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The Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law – Conspiracy Theories, Jury Nullification and Mitigation Factors That Don’t Exist

October 7, 2014

I have had more fun watching paint dry- Arizona

 

Hello Students and welcome to another class concerning Jury’s and what a pain in the ass they are. Todays class is going to focus on some very serious points of law so please pay attention….Deb, yes you Deb, we have had the discussion about knives in the classroom before have we not? No I will not define “discussion”, put the knife away and take your seat.

First class, in order to understand the entire concept I am going to start with Jury Nullification:

Jury Nullification is a jury’s knowing and deliberate rejection of the evidence or refusal to apply the law either because the jury wants to send a message about some social issue that is larger than the case itself, or because the result dictated by law is contrary to the jury’s sense of justice, morality, or fairness. It could also be because the jury contains at least one nut-bag that has drunk the convicts kool-aid and thinks if they save her they will somehow become her super sekrit lover and they will be allowed to marry the convict and never have sex again.

Jury Nullification in the case we have been studying State of Arizona and King Juan 1 V Stabby Anal Arias may become a problem because according to what I have been able to see on the internet, conspiracy theories about that Stabby has been framed. Framed I tell you.

A conspiracy theory is an explanatory proposition that accuses two or more persons, a group, or an organization of having caused or covered up, through secret planning and deliberate action, an illegal or harmful event or situation. For example class, the theory of the day as explained by detective pig vomit is that Dr Kevin Horn-Medical Examiner and thanks to Jenny from the Cell Block de-facto gunshot wound expert, Elizabeth Northcutt-firearms expert, Ryan Burns – Almost the next Stabby Victim, Nathan Mendez-Siskiyou Police Detective, Mom and Dad Stabby, Esteban Flores- Lead Detective and Courtroom pitbull rangler, Heather Connor-Fingerprint Expert, Mimi Hall- Travis’ Friend, Judge Sherry Stephens- A judge…I guess, Juan Martinez-Prosecutor/pit-bull and yelly, grilly person, Every Mormon on earth, Walmart Records Keeping department, Chris and Sky Hughes, Dr.Janeen DeMarte-Psychologist, Chelsea Buff-Tesoro Employee, Lonnie Dworkin – Computer Expert, Dave Hall-Friend of Travis and General Tit, Zach Billings and Enrique Cortez- Travis’ roommates, And Darryl Brewer-ex fuckbuddy of Stabby have all gotten together to frame poor, poor Stabby.

According to Detective PV, by using her Scooby doo decoder ring, a Ouija board, some KY and a strawberry Frappuccino she has come to the conclusion that Chris and Sky Hughes actually killed Travis and all the rest of these people are helping cover it up because it is all a huge Mormon conspiracy. Don’t we all feel stupid? Basically the theory is that all the Mormon women were jealous of Stabby and all the Mormon men wanted to stuff all of Stabby’s wonder holes so they killed Travis and framed her. Case closed I guess we can move on to the next case law we are going to study.

How does this all work into Jury Nullification? Well, if someone on that Jury truly believe all the stuff that Detective PV and her decoder ring have uncovered the might decide to not vote for the DP just to make a point, like Detective Pig Vomit is smarter than every human being that worked on this case for…what’s it been now, a hundred years or so. This is a real concern and it was nice to see Juan was paying particular attention to some of the more questionable potentials. As an aside, the lawyers on this case have been given 10 peremptory challenges each instead of the normal three, so the sometimes Judge Stephens is obviously concerned about the same thing.

Mitigating factors that don’t exist is exactly what it sounds like. Since this is the penalty phase retrial, we get to hear once again about how Stabby can grow hair, and read, and habla Espanol and the one that makes my blood boil till I am cooked from the inside out, how she is a survivor of DV who is donating all the NET proceeds of her murder money to DV services. I am hoping that Juan brings up that even if she is given LWOP it will literally be years before she is able to join the general population, that there are already several book clubs in place and that there is a huge recycling program also already in place. As lawyers you will once again have to become creative because at this point you are running out of options. I suggest offering up organs, or maybe offering to go into some testing that would otherwise be done on animals. Trying to get one of the people that your client so easily tossed to the wolves during the main trial to testify on their behalf might be a bit tricky, but give it a shot anyway. By now you should be used to being told to go fuck yourself. If you don’t grow a thick skin quickly you will never be a good attorney. Maybe take a couple of thousand from the “appeals fund” and bribe somebody. That is probably the only option you have left at this point.

That is it for tonight’s class. I have to see a guy about royalties for the FUCK YOU song because I would like it to be the new class anthem.
Have a great night, class dismissed.

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