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The Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law – Conspiracy Theories, Jury Nullification and Mitigation Factors That Don’t Exist

I have had more fun watching paint dry- Arizona

 

Hello Students and welcome to another class concerning Jury’s and what a pain in the ass they are. Todays class is going to focus on some very serious points of law so please pay attention….Deb, yes you Deb, we have had the discussion about knives in the classroom before have we not? No I will not define “discussion”, put the knife away and take your seat.

First class, in order to understand the entire concept I am going to start with Jury Nullification:

Jury Nullification is a jury’s knowing and deliberate rejection of the evidence or refusal to apply the law either because the jury wants to send a message about some social issue that is larger than the case itself, or because the result dictated by law is contrary to the jury’s sense of justice, morality, or fairness. It could also be because the jury contains at least one nut-bag that has drunk the convicts kool-aid and thinks if they save her they will somehow become her super sekrit lover and they will be allowed to marry the convict and never have sex again.

Jury Nullification in the case we have been studying State of Arizona and King Juan 1 V Stabby Anal Arias may become a problem because according to what I have been able to see on the internet, conspiracy theories about that Stabby has been framed. Framed I tell you.

A conspiracy theory is an explanatory proposition that accuses two or more persons, a group, or an organization of having caused or covered up, through secret planning and deliberate action, an illegal or harmful event or situation. For example class, the theory of the day as explained by detective pig vomit is that Dr Kevin Horn-Medical Examiner and thanks to Jenny from the Cell Block de-facto gunshot wound expert, Elizabeth Northcutt-firearms expert, Ryan Burns – Almost the next Stabby Victim, Nathan Mendez-Siskiyou Police Detective, Mom and Dad Stabby, Esteban Flores- Lead Detective and Courtroom pitbull rangler, Heather Connor-Fingerprint Expert, Mimi Hall- Travis’ Friend, Judge Sherry Stephens- A judge…I guess, Juan Martinez-Prosecutor/pit-bull and yelly, grilly person, Every Mormon on earth, Walmart Records Keeping department, Chris and Sky Hughes, Dr.Janeen DeMarte-Psychologist, Chelsea Buff-Tesoro Employee, Lonnie Dworkin – Computer Expert, Dave Hall-Friend of Travis and General Tit, Zach Billings and Enrique Cortez- Travis’ roommates, And Darryl Brewer-ex fuckbuddy of Stabby have all gotten together to frame poor, poor Stabby.

According to Detective PV, by using her Scooby doo decoder ring, a Ouija board, some KY and a strawberry Frappuccino she has come to the conclusion that Chris and Sky Hughes actually killed Travis and all the rest of these people are helping cover it up because it is all a huge Mormon conspiracy. Don’t we all feel stupid? Basically the theory is that all the Mormon women were jealous of Stabby and all the Mormon men wanted to stuff all of Stabby’s wonder holes so they killed Travis and framed her. Case closed I guess we can move on to the next case law we are going to study.

How does this all work into Jury Nullification? Well, if someone on that Jury truly believe all the stuff that Detective PV and her decoder ring have uncovered the might decide to not vote for the DP just to make a point, like Detective Pig Vomit is smarter than every human being that worked on this case for…what’s it been now, a hundred years or so. This is a real concern and it was nice to see Juan was paying particular attention to some of the more questionable potentials. As an aside, the lawyers on this case have been given 10 peremptory challenges each instead of the normal three, so the sometimes Judge Stephens is obviously concerned about the same thing.

Mitigating factors that don’t exist is exactly what it sounds like. Since this is the penalty phase retrial, we get to hear once again about how Stabby can grow hair, and read, and habla Espanol and the one that makes my blood boil till I am cooked from the inside out, how she is a survivor of DV who is donating all the NET proceeds of her murder money to DV services. I am hoping that Juan brings up that even if she is given LWOP it will literally be years before she is able to join the general population, that there are already several book clubs in place and that there is a huge recycling program also already in place. As lawyers you will once again have to become creative because at this point you are running out of options. I suggest offering up organs, or maybe offering to go into some testing that would otherwise be done on animals. Trying to get one of the people that your client so easily tossed to the wolves during the main trial to testify on their behalf might be a bit tricky, but give it a shot anyway. By now you should be used to being told to go fuck yourself. If you don’t grow a thick skin quickly you will never be a good attorney. Maybe take a couple of thousand from the “appeals fund” and bribe somebody. That is probably the only option you have left at this point.

That is it for tonight’s class. I have to see a guy about royalties for the FUCK YOU song because I would like it to be the new class anthem.
Have a great night, class dismissed.

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22 Responses to The Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law – Conspiracy Theories, Jury Nullification and Mitigation Factors That Don’t Exist

  1. sandymetter says:

    Awesome as always Kelly! Xo

  2. reallybigmeandog says:

    Hai Sandy. Thank you. Xo right back at you.

  3. shenson1209 says:

    Kelly, you make my evenings! I really enjoy class (which I never did in school). LOL

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Shenson. I’m glad you are enjoying class, just don’t enjoy it to much, Deb seems to be having a problem with me paying attention to other students.

  4. Joan Soap says:

    Still laughing at your descriptions with each name… especially “Courtroom pitbull rangler” and “Prosecutor/pit-bull and yelly, grilly person”. It seems Detective PV may not be the sooper dooper sleuth she pretends she is, and has been relying not only on her decoder ring, Ouija board, KY and a strawberry Frappuccino, but also appears to have been eaten up by a rather large ginger catfish living on another continent where life is so boring that, well, what’s a guy to do for entertainment except play online with, and offer up tasty fake ‘insider’ tidbits to gullible wannabe writer/detectives. I can neither confirm nor deny this rumor.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Joan. It’s amazing what you can find out with a Ouija board and a strawberry Frappuccino.

  5. Deb says:

    Joan, you sly, little devil! You’ve been taking Prof. Kelly’s on-line ‘Investigate at Your Own Risk but Have Fun Anyway’ course – haven’t you?! I hear Det. PV (in her own mind) flunked that course two years ago…but she didn’t take it well, can’t take criticism, and has hubris the size of stabby’s poontang ((not to mention, she’s a psycho)). She (PV) obviously doesn’t have my delightful sense of humor and can’t take Prof’s admonishments about weapons in the classroom…or, in her case, sending lethal viruses thru the mail (or e-mail, or internet) systems.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Deb. I think you could be the star pupil of my on-line investigate at your own risk but have fun anyway course. You can find out allllllllll kinds of stuff. Stuff like who has three or more alias’ and why, things like who has a restraining order from marine world, things like why people feel a need to fuck with someone’s perfectly serviceable marriage. It’s all in the course. You should take it. Leave the knives at home. MUAH

  6. bigmeannurse says:

    Wait! What? The men are going to love monkey butt, and the women gonna hate her?….sounds like a Twitter-Tritt CW song. And I have a some questions.Is it possible to nullify Trolls, and if so, how can I do it without causing a conspiracy theory? Because there are deluded people out there who believe there were two killers: JA&PV.
    You have enlightened us again with your satire! Xoxo

  7. pinkpumps25 says:

    Hilarious! You should write a book!

  8. limey99 says:

    Thanks for the laughs again today” PS…That “Fuck You” song stays in your head for days. Perfect though!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Limey. Tis mah pleasure to make you laugh. Where from the UK were you from. I’m from Edinburgh although Canada is home now. Also, expect a lot more of the “Fuck you” Song.

  9. Deb says:

    limey, I love Lily Allen and CeeLo Green!!! Which is your favorite?

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      It’s going in. I will dedicate it to PV and it will be our new class anthem. We shall stand, put our middle fingers in the air and face Clearwater florida while we sing it.

  10. Mama Via says:

    Oh, I DO love you! Stabby Einstein and her Three Wonder Hole Circus (aka: Hodi Anal Airy-ass) will undoubtedly be featured in every AbbyNormal Psych Text printed after the verdict, with updates after every appeal!! It won’t matter whether it’s LWOP or DP, you know it’s going to start with “BooHoo, Nerdi said he didn’t like me 9 days out of 10! INEFFECTIVE COUNSEL!!! I need an attorney who will cater to “my unique needs”! NOT someone who knows all my tricks!”

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Via where u been girl? She will definitely be featured in the abnormal psyche text that Reallybigmeandog publishing will be putting out sometime during the course of the trial. I’m really glad to see you around. Hit me up on twitter sometime. We have a great group going on over there, lots of laughs.

  11. Mama Via says:

    Miss K are you young enough to remember “Young Frankenstein”? I-gore had to steal a brain…and he took the one marked “Abby Normal”–but so did Hodi! OMG-I’ve been (lurking) reading RMDSoL ever since Hodi introduced the Ninjas…I just figured the In-House Psychic was reading my mind and telling you about all the KUDOS I’ve been psychically sending…but maybe I didn’t have my Psycho-meter tuned to the right channel. My grand-brats told me that no one over 60 is allowed to on Twitter…are those little fukkers lying to me again?

  12. Deb says:

    Mama Via, you are too cool!!! Can I be in your mean girls (or old hags) club?! I’m over 60, I swear & use foul language, I like to remember old movies…I even have two ‘little fukkers’ myself! P.S. I’m learning to find my way around on the internet, and I’m so happy I found this blog and you guys…but I think I’m going to have to come up with a cooler name than ‘Deb’…got any suggestions – anyone?

  13. Mama Via says:

    @Deb you are already a member of the x-mean-Girls-now-old-hags-who-don’t-take-crap-from-their-little-fukkers-club also known as the IDWOW (I Done Wrote you Out of the Will)! We seem to be a little behind on sending out membership cards! In case you didn’t know, the only requirement for membership is to actually manage NOT to kill one of those little fukkers when, (after opening every present you sacrificed your social security check to buy) one of them said (not “thank you” but) “what else do you got for me?” Extra points if you didn’t take one of them for “a trip behind the barn” when one of them rudely interrupted you, and then gave you a dirty look, DARING YOU to TRY and correct or discipline them! (I ALMOST pity their parents, cause the little fukkers aren’t even in their teens yet…and if the older fukkers thought THEY were bad ass, they ain’t seen NOTHIN YET!). Next month, when we have our Bitch ‘n Tell meeting, I’ll show you photos of Hodi “I’m Entitled” AiryAss Jr.and her little brother, John Wayne “Do It Again” Gacy Jr Jr….both of whom will be on Death Row in the Mythical State of Abalama before reaching puberty. As for your name change…we will have to find something especially fitting and diabolical…sadly, I’ve never been able to come up with anything wonderful for myself…but, on the other hand, I don’t have to worry about any if the self-absorbed little fukkers ever actually putting their smart phones to good use by learning to do research cuz for them, and their older fukker parents, that just SOUNDS like too muck fukkin WORK….and Hodi forbid that any thing that remotely RESEMBLES “earning your own way” in life! (Not as long as Mama has Social Security!) (And to think I used to wonder why some Seniors were eating cat food!). Oops..better end this before ReallyMeanDog FINES me for hi-jacking her blog! STAY IN TOUCH,

  14. Pesky Vrmt says:

    KNEW I should have thrown in two acorns as a tip. lol LOVE reading you! I just wish Vilemont had different initials. *flicks tail*

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