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The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law: Definitions of Terms Being Thrown About the Internet. Just For Everyone’s Edification.

October 11, 2014

Some People are like Christmas Everyday – Arizona

Good evening class, welcome back.  Please take your seats as we have a lot to cover this evening.  As you can see, I have redecorated the classroom.  I hope you all like it.  Chaz continues to work on the class seal.  It will be mounted as soon as he is done.  Feel free to wander around after class and get used to the new digs.

Now, it has come to my attention as your Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery that certain legal terms are being tossed willy nilly around the internet.  Your Professor is not amused.  I am not amused when people who have no clue throw hallowed legal terms around just to see if they can scare someone.  We will also be covering terms which will no doubt be brought up during the PENALTY PHASE RETRIAL OF THE CONVICTED MURDERESS

Before we begin, everyone stand for the singing of the class anthem.  Do not forget to face Florida and give the salute that I taught you.  Thank you.

Lets start with an easy one and just to make it fun, lets see how many apply to Stabby and or other people we know and hate:

Slander: oral defamation, in which someone tells one or more persons an untruth about another which untruth will harm the reputation of the person defamed. Slander is a civil wrong (tort) and can be the basis for a lawsuit. Damages (payoff for worth) for slander may be limited to actual (special) damages unless there is malicious intent, since such damages are usually difficult to specify and harder to prove. Some statements such as an untrue accusation of having committed a crime, having a loathsome disease, or being unable to perform one’s occupation are treated as slander per se since the harm and malice are obvious, and therefore usually result in general and even punitive damage recovery by the person harmed. Words spoken over the air on television or radio are treated as libel (written defamation) and not slander on the theory that broadcasting reaches a large audience as much if not more than printed publications. (See: defamation, fair comment) Check and Check.

Libel: to publish in print (including pictures), writing or broadcast through radio, television or film, an untruth about another which will do harm to that person or his/her reputation, by tending to bring the target into ridicule, hatred, scorn or contempt of others. Libel is the written or broadcast form of defamation, distinguished from slander which is oral defamation. It is a tort (civil wrong) making the person or entity (like a newspaper, magazine or political organization) Now, here is the important part so pay attention:  open to a lawsuit for damages by the person who can prove the statement about him/her was a lie. Publication need only be to one person, but it must be a statement which claims to be fact, and is not clearly identified as an opinion. Most states provide for a party defamed by a periodical to demand a published retraction. If the correction is made, then there is no right to file a lawsuit. Public records are exempt from claims of libel. Minor errors in reporting are not libel. Check and Check.

Stalking: Criminal activity consisting of the repeated following and harassing of another person. Stalking is a distinctive form of criminal activity composed of a series of actions that taken individually might constitute legal behavior. For example, sending flowers, writing love notes, and waiting for someone outside her place of work are actions that, on their own, are not criminal. When these actions are coupled with an intent to instill fear or injury, however, they may constitute a pattern of behavior that is illegal. Though anti-stalking laws are gender neutral, most stalkers are men and most victims are women unless your name is Stabby or some other female type person. Oh look, check and check again.

Cyberstalking: the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group of individuals, or an organization. It may include the making of false accusations or statements of fact (as in defamation), monitoring, making threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sex, or gathering information that may be used to harass. The definition of “harassment” must meet the criterion that a reasonable person, in possession of the same information, would regard it as sufficient to cause another reasonable person distress.[1] Cyberstalking is different from spatial or offline stalking in that it occurs through the use of electronic communications technology such as the internet. However, it sometimes leads to it, or is accompanied by it.[2] Both are criminal offenses.[3] Cyberstalking shares important characteristics with offline stalking; many stalkers – online or off – are motivated by a desire to control their victims.[4] So like hacking a persons emails or sending them eleventybillion emails or stuff like that. Hey we are going for a record. Check and check.

Harrassment: covers a wide range of behaviors of an offensive nature. It is commonly understood as behavior intended to disturb or upset, and it is characteristically repetitive. In the legal sense, it is intentional behavior which is found threatening or disturbing. Once again we have two winners.

allege: a way to avoid a libel claim.

Objection: a motion during a trial to disallow a witness’s testimony or other evidence. You know like Objection, testimony has no basis in reality.

Hater: Anyone who does not believe Stabby’s version of events, whichever ones she puts forth.

Orifice: An opening, especially to a cavity or passage of the body; Learn this one, it’s going to come up A LOT during the re-trial.

KY: a brand of personal lubricant also see baby oil, Crisco, whatever the fuck is handy at that moment.

Mouth Hug: Apparently it is how Stabby offers to blow someone.

Jizz: Jizz is just Jizz.

There will be a short quiz next class on these terms. I expect all of you to be able to use each one in a sentence.

Class dismissed.

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