Somebody please just shoot me through a bathroom door-South Africa
Hai Kids. Because I love you ( and totally not because I have no life to speak of) I stayed awake to watch part 1 of about 375 of the Oscar Pusstorias Mitigation Phase before sentencing. If things continue on like they did last night, bitch is gonna die of natural causes before we ever get through the end of the mitigation phase.
A funny thing happened on the way to Pretoria. Some trial coverer type person threw up a picture of a bunch of tents and shit lining the street and swore it was people camped out for the Pusstorias thing. The funny part? The picture was of HongKong. Way to use that degree in criminal Science there trial coverer type person. Oh and she jacked it off my favorite Lawyers twitter feed. I think I might even have a screen cap of it somewhere………hmmm, BRB.
I tried to tell her it was Hong Kong, but she just blocked me and left it on her page anyway. That’s kind of misleading don’t you think?
Mi’Lady of course was in attendance. She looked bored. I think she’s pretty much over the whole thing.
Oscar was putting on a really good show of looking all contrite and shit. And you know what. He probably does feel really bad. For himself of course, he doesn’t have shit to give about anything except how this effects him in my opinion.
To recap, Pusstorias was found not guilty of first degree murder but guilty of culpable homicide. Please refer to the class on Scaredy Catatonia as a defense. Culpable homicide in South Africa is equivalent to manslaughter around our neck of the woods.
There is no minimum term for culpable homicide and my money is on him being told he was a very bad boy and to never shoot someone to death again. He will then be sent to his room without supper and grounded for a week. Bookmakers in Pretoria however, are taking action on between 5 and 10 years.
First up for the Defense was Dr. Lore Hartzenberg. Dr Hartzenberg has a “therapeutic support” to Pusstorius during the trial, she told the court. She said she did not intend to become involved in the trial, but that she decided after writing a report for the court on Pistorius’s condition that she should give evidence. Just let me translate that for you. ” I wasn’t going to testify for the defense because I don’t really believe much of what I am saying, but they shoved a shit ton of money in my face and who the fuck is going to say no to that? ” That is what it sounded like to me anyway.
She said that Oscar was very emotional, his crying and pacing and shaking often disrupted their sessions. Dude, I would be crying and pacing and shaking if I just flushed about a bajillion dollars worth of endorsements down the shitter too. She actually made statements like poor Mr. Pusstorias and mentioned that she had held him while he cried. Ummmm, I think Oscar might need an adult because I’m pretty sure that shit right there might be crossing the patient therapist line just maybe a little bit. Just sayin’.
She said that what we have left is a broken man who has lost everything. BARF. sorry had to throw up a little. If looks could have killed a bitch at that particular moment, Dr. Hot for Oscar would be dead because Reeva’s mom was shooting fire out of her eyes. I was waiting for the good Dr. to spontaneously combust.
Mr. Nell the prosecutor was up next and he was pretty hot about the whole thing. I don’t know if he’s mad because a perfectly good case went down in flames or because of all the bullshit spewing forth from this woman who in my opinion has hot pants for Pusstorias.
Nell grilled her like a fucking cheese sandwich and she sounded less then convinced of anything she was saying. She did not come off as a very good witness. More like a groupie trying to help out her idol.
He got her to admit that they had not discussed past girlfriends or his relationships with them, or his reputed new girlfriend (who is obviously nuts or from another planet) and that she did not read Judge Masipa’s findings. He kind of made her look like an idiot. As an aside, I like Lawyer Nell. He reminds me of Juan.
Then Mi’lady took a 5 to 55 minute break and we came back.
Nell then got the good Dr. to admit she had been in court for the entire trial and had cried along with poor, poor Oscar when he had had to remove his prosthetics for the court re enactment. It did not end well for the Dr. She came off looking pretty bad.
Next up on the defense hit parade was Joel Maringa. Maringa is a social worker for South Africa’s Department of Correctional Services. He thinks Pusstorias should be held under house arrest and be mandated to attend anger management, abstain from drugs and alcohol and not own firearms. So basically probation if you live in Canada. Probation for killing a woman. Wow. Ya know, maybe I could convince my ex that there are fantastic diamond mining opportunities in SA and he could move there. And maybe get shot through a bathroom door or something. Am I famous enough to use the Scaredy Catatonia defense? Things to ponder.
Dude actually said with a straight face that he thinks house arrest and 16 hours of community service a month would be a suitable punishment. Then he may or may not have had his new servant wheel a wheel barrow full of American dollars out to his new rolls Royce.
This would be the part of the program where Nells completely lost his shit. First they sparred about what Mi’Lady’s ruling actually said. Then Nells mentioned that house arrest and anger management was maybe just a little tiny bit SHOCKINGLY INNAPROPRIATE. Dude was pissed. OMG I actually thought he might cross the room and throttle the man. Which would have at least added some entertainment value. I’m almost certain Mi’Lady dozed off at one point.
Then Roux called Pusstorias’ manager and we got more of the poor, poor Oscar routine. It was so sad all the bad things that have happened to Oscar. Reeva who? Oh yeah, that chick he shot. Anyway, poor Oscar is a giving, caring affable person who does charity work and has lost all of his endorsements ( that came up like a billion times and who cares, he’s still breathing in and out so shut the fuck up) Oh an he had a race with an Arabian race horse in Qatar just for shits and giggles and he won. I don’t know why that is important, but hey they brought it up. I guess it’s kinda like being able to grow hair.
Oscars manager then had a mini pity party for himself because his star attraction hasn’t approached him to rekindle their working relationship. No murder money for you asshole.
Court adjourned for the day (thank you jesus) with Nell foaming at the mouth much like some other pit-bull we all know and love.
Can’t wait Spoiler(yes I can) for the next installment of poor Oscar Pusstorias and how sad and terrible all of this is for him.
I gotta peace the fuck out, this is making me kind of sick.