I Think The Entire Planet Just Collectively Tossed Their Cookies.

Mi’lady I am going to require the puke bucket in Arizona, can you Fed Ex it or something?-Arizona


Hai Kids.  It’s me your very favorite Stabby hater and teller of truths that some pieces of shit on the internet just don’t want to hear bringing you day 1 of what is sure to be a vomit-fest of a penalty phase retrial.  For you number of the numb fucks who don’t seem to get this part, I will speak slowly and loudly.  STABBY IS ALREADY CONVICTED OF FIRST DEGREE AGGRAVATED MURDER.  THIS IS NOT A DO-OVER.  THIS IS ONLY TO DECIDE WHETHER SHE GETS TO DIE NOW OR TO ROT IN HOPEFULLY A REALLY SHITTY PRISON FOR THE REST OF HER NATURAL LIFE. IF THE SECOND OPTION IS WHAT HAPPENS, THAN I HOPE THAT SHE GETS HER FACE SHOVED IN SHIT DAILY FOR THE ENTIRE REST OF HER LIFE.  ARE WE CLEAR NOW?

Before we get to the vomit inducing opening statement of Alfred E. Nurmi, I wanted to let you know that Oscar Pusstorius ended up getting 5 years for murdering his girlfriend.  What that translates to is about 10 months worth of actual incarceration and the remainder under house arrest.  And a big shout out to the bookies in South Africa because they totally called it.  Way better book makers in SA than here.  The odds in the States were 0-3 and in Canada because we still have a ridiculous belief that the justice system actually works, 7.5 to 15.  Way to go South African Bookies.  The prosecution may appeal the amount of incarceration, but in all honesty I doubt it.  I think they know they were damn lucky that they got anything.  The only one more surprised than I was that he actually got jail time was maybe Pusstorius because dude totally thought he was going to skate.  The look of total shock on his face was maybe the first time he wasn’t acting during the entire trial.  It was a beautiful thing.

Now,  on to the shit show that is the never ending trial of Stabby Anal Einstein.

The crowd was much smaller this time than for the first trial but that may change once we get closer to verdict.

Sometimes Judge Stephens spent the first bit dealing with other court matters before we even got started.  The pit-bull and his dog handler Esteban Flores walked into the courthouse together.  Because this makes not one lick of difference what so ever just for today I will tell you that Both Juan, Esteban Flores, the court reporter, Nurmi, and everyone else of import was dressed in suits with ties or appropriate court attire. I don’t give a shit who is wearing what so I won’t be talking about it much. That is unless Stabby and Prom Queen contender Jenny from the cell block start dressing alike again.   Stabby was dressed in a beige shirt with her hair down and I’m sorry to report but her bangs are still missing.  They may be hiding out with Nurmi’s chair.

Sometimes Judge Stephens announced that one of the jurors had been dismissed due to a family emergency and of course Alfred E. took that as his cue to throw his first hissy fit of the day. He was denied, the jurors were sworn and we were off.

Travis’ family were out in full force and the Stabby family was also in attendance. Brother Stabby was wearing a purple ribbon in support of DV victims and the puke buckets I had Mi’lady Fed Ex me came in handy for the first time of the day.

Alfred E. Nurmi rode in on the mitigating factors train with a brand new tale of woe for Stabbykins. Just like your intrepid blogger predicted, the only thing left to go with was insanity so Alfred E. went with that. He tried to paint Stabby as a mentally ill woman who now DEFINITELY had the borderline personality disorder that she totally DID NOT HAVE during the first penalty phase trial. He talked about her tragic and horrible childhood of being grounded for growing weed on the roof. He said her mother totally didn’t support her daughter enough and she beat the bitch. Mom of Stabby physically winced when this was said. He said she had no criminal past. Then he went on to tell the jurors what to expect during this farce of a retrial. He told the jurors that the pictures they were going to see were likely going to give them the dry heaves in a big way, and that there would also be autopsy photo’s. He referred to Travis as “Beloved Travis” which must be some new code for pedophile since that is what he spent the entire last trial calling him. He stressed that Stabby was madly in love with Travis about eleventy billion times. He said that Stabby herself would tell them her horror at realizing she had killed the love of her life so ding ding ding I win again because the stupid bitch is going to take the stand. I could almost see the sneer on Juans face through the tweets. Then Esteban Flores, lead investigator and dog wrangler removed the muzzle and Juan was up.

In true pit-bull fashion Juan went immediately for the jugular. “You will come to know the emotional and mental suffering…” and Alfred E. objected and we headed for the sidebar. He told them about how she had taken his body and dragged it down the hall, stuffing him into the shower like a thanksgiving turkey. He said that she was the sexual one “She told the court she was shaving her pussy so it could be nice and soft for him and that if he was good, she would give him a blowjob and he could come on her face,” Martinez said and I used the puke bucket from South Africa once again. Good thing I asked for that. He went over the whole thing from the gas cans to the car to the gun completely covering the premeditated killing of Travis. He told them that having borderline personality disorder is not legally insane. He brought up that Stabby had lied to the police and that is a crime in reference to Nurmi’s insistence that Stabby was a good girl who had never done a bad thing ever, ever, ever.

Alfred E is still shooting for that world records for most objections in the history of ever and he was right on target today. He also managed to slip in at least one request for a mistrial because Juan said that Stabby broke the law by lying to the police. Objection was sustained but motion for mistrial was denied. Then it was lunch time. I’m sorry I can’t tweet pictures of my lunch. It was strawberry pop-tarts and a pepsi. Just try and picture it in your mind.

Juan was back up and the vet obviously missed the target because he continued to pace and snarl about how Stabby had no problems interacting in society as far as working; you know when she didn’t have a fuckbuddy to sponge off of. Then he called her a big fat liar when he said the only proof of any childhood abuse are the words that come out of her mouth. Aaaand I just got a mental picture of things coming out of her mouth and hit the puke bucket yet again. He finished his opening by saying that there are no mitigating factors in this case, zero, none and Alfred E. Nurmi got another objection in and made his second mistrial request. Double denied.

Flores tossed Juan a good-boy treat as the pit-bull called the states first witness. Michael Melendez, computer forensics unit. They went through the whole camera thing and everything was going along swimmingly until they got to the first picture of Stabby and her GAPING wonder hole. Good thing Nurms gave some warning about the whole dry heaving thing because everybody did.

Nurmi got up to cross examine and he was much more interested in Travis’ computer than he was in pictures that totally didn’t prove that Stabby killed Travis. He seemed to be pretending they didn’t exist. Unfortunately for Nurmi neither did any internet porn of any kind ever. Sucks to be you Nurmi.

Next up was Esteban Flores. They went through how the body was found and went over the pictures that were taken of the crime scene and Nurmi wants a sidebar. Holy fuck the whole lot of them are going to be pissed by the time court is done. Then court recessed for 15 minutes.

The remainder of the day was Flores on the stand and a recap of the trial ending with the autopsy photos of Travis. Court reconvenes tomorrow at 12:30

That’s it for today kids.
Have a great night.

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26 Responses to I Think The Entire Planet Just Collectively Tossed Their Cookies.

  1. Deb says:

    Thanks for the update, Kelly! I was following via twitter for most of the day, but that potato-nosed bitch’s picture with that beige, thin top and her greasy hair made me need a puke bucket – and I didn’t have one handy…so I had to step away from the laptop and dry heave my way over to the bath tub…next time I’ll use Fed Ex and ask Mi’lady for the spare, seeing as how that fiasco is over.

    • Martini13 says:

      “double denied” HAHA!!! My new fav term and more than likely the only #doubleDs Alfred E. will have thrown in his face anytime soon! Fucking pervert! I’m dreading his questioning RE “did he call you a bitch? a slut? a whore? a 3-holed wonder?” Yuk. *pass the bucket plz*

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        Hai Martini. No doubt about the Alfred E thing. I am thinking of requesting Mi’lady send us all a bucket. Honestly I don’t think he is going to go down that road again with her. It didn’t work out so well last time. He is going to hammer and hammer at the mental illness and hope that works I think.

  2. My Real Name says:

    Ha! So good. Nurmi is a pig with this “Beloved Travis” crap. Attacked him during 1st trial as a pedo, now calls him this. Jury will see right thru this. So many objections shows so much desperation, oh my God.

    Hey, for some reason twitter won’t let me follow you. I have tried here and on twitter. Don’t know what’s up with this. Can you add me on twitter? Thanks!

  3. I read your blog every night, honestly, you’re the best writer out there, and that’s coming from an English major (with a degree in English) MANY years ago, lol. I really look forward to reading your blogs at the end of the night. Your recaps are great.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Star. What a wonderful compliment. Thanks you so very much. I am glad you keep reading.

  4. essem58 says:

    It’s such a pity this is such a serious matter because your reporting is way too hilarious I feel a bit guilty laughing my head off. Stephens needs a neon sign flashing DENIED DENIED DENIED to keep everything moving along without having to respond to Nurmi’s constant motions.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Essem. Sometimes I feel a little guilty writing it, because you are right it is a horrible thing. But it is better to laugh than to cry I think and I think most people would agree. When one of my brothers had just committed suicide it was close to Christmas and the first words out of my mouth were “well, I’m glad I hang on to my Christmas receipts” which sounds horrible to some, but it is the way I cope with horror. I just laugh.

  5. BlueWhiteRed says:

    Hi Kels, you have a strawberry seed in your front tooth. Now you know who your friends are, lol! My favorite hashtag so far is, #JourneyToTheGurney! So my boys wouldn’t be too po’d that my nose is firmly stuck to Twitter & blogs, I donate a dime for each defense objection. They plan on Paris for Christmas. First class. I wanna be the vet. Because I am one, vet(eran)….and I fired expert! Let me look up the Maricopa Cty HR dept because the existing vet will have carpal tunnel syndrome soon. I hope my pin-up girl Dr JDM is up today because Mrs BWR said I can think about her lonnnng hair, lonnnng legs and lonnnng career all I want. Smart girls. Yes, please! Why do you think I’m your fan! Semper Kels!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai BlueWhiteRed. I love it every single time I see Kels, it makes me feel great. I loved Journey to the gurney. I wish it was mine. How I did not come up with that makes me almost mad at myself lol. ROFLMAO. Paris? They are going to be able to do a world tour. I’m also looking forward to JDM but I know there is a motion to have her not testify which I do not believe has been ruled on yet. Thank you for continuing to read and letting me make you laugh a little.

  6. Katprint says:

    Did you like Nurmi’s reference to Jodi’s “Final Chapter” being written by the jury? Final Chapter, Final Solution, Final Destination, Final Resting Place, Final Anything is maybe not the best choice of words for a defense attorney in a death penalty case.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Kat. I have a theory that Nurms is so pissed off he’s doing everything legally possible to get her triple pumped, and not in the way she likes.

  7. Arizona Rose says:

    Another great post, Kelly.

    Nurmi really referred to Travis as “Beloved Travis”? What a hypocrite! As for Arias’s brother wearing a Domestic Violence ribbon….pass the Puke Bucket please.

    • Mama Via says:

      I couldn’t agree more, Rose! Now that Numbnutz has got some hair, he doesn’t look HALF as purvey as he did during the trial! I actually, and in reality feel sorry for him…in a way…it isn’t that he has had any CHOICE in having Hodi “Wonder Holes” as a client…it was “his turn”…and you take what you are given! It WAS his choice to be a DEFENSE attorney…there are hundreds of specializations where you aren’t forced to deal with criminals…AND it IS HIS JOB to do “the best that he can”…I’m guessing that his “utter lack of people skills” is only Hodi’s interpretation..My DH is a Bond Attorney, but I believe that 99% of attorneys tend to think a little different than “normal” people…what WE believe is mitigating means NOTHING to them because there is no legal precedent that he can use as argument. Hodi doesn’t understand this, she isn’t very logical…so when she does something STUPID, like try to manufacture evidence, which, by law, he cannot present if he knows it’s a forgery! And although some attorneys ARE dumb…he isn’t so dumb as to give up a law career he’s worked so hard to get for a “piece of used toilet paper” like Hodi!!). SHE has the wrong understanding of his JOB…he is there to DEFEND you, NOT LIE FOR YOU, you ignorant slut! What I think we have here, is a failure to communicate! She wants to “be boss” and call the shots…and he can’t or won’t be dictated to…and he’s TOLD her to stay off TV…and she’s given him the finger every time? Oh, what a mess!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Rose: I want mi’lady to send puke buckets for everyone.

  8. Mama Via says:

    I just got back from Costco…(I’d rather walk thru the cow pasture BAREFOOT than go there!) but…we were out of potty paper! (So I probably won’t be able to find my funny bone…I hurt too much!) And, speaking of potty paper…did anyone other than me notice that Hodi Anal’s answer, when she is asked “how did that make you feel?” ALWAYS answers “Like a piece of used toilet paper.” I don’t know WHY this answer bothers me so much, but it does. What bothers me more is that there is no emotion in her voice, no real hurt or sadness in her (cold, reptilian) eyes…and the phrase seems to have become a mantra…perhaps she uses this phrase because she isn’t throughly “edified”? (And, despite appearances to the contrary, I AM educated enough to know when she makes up words or uses words in correctly!) Have ANY of you EVER said “I feel like used toilet paper?” It is an odd phrase…and she uses it in almost every interview, and several times during her testimony…”I feel like crap, like shit, like snot, or like warmed over vomit…but never have I said “used toilet paper”. I’ve occasionally heard her “brain washed minions” chant it…like a gaggle of nuns chanting vespers…curiouser and curiouser…my back was killing me last night…so I didn’t get much sleep…so, it’s nap time for Mama! I’ll be back in a little while…hopefully recovered from my costco experience? Hope everyone is feeling good (and NOT like used toilet paper…) “Ah feels lack a corn cob in the outhouse after a Mexican dinner!” Haha

    • Mama Via says:

      Where is everyone today? Am I obnoxious? Did my deodorant, foot powder, mouthwash, etc stop working? I’ll put my dentures back in, I promise….Shane, come back, Shane!!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Mama, I”m so sorry. I”ve never been to a Costco, hell I can’t go into a corner store; but I have heard the horror stories. That is weird. Really weird. No, I have never uttered anything even remotely close to that and you know what you know about my story. Way to contrived that saying is. you are totally right.

      • Mama Via says:

        Did everything go okay at the doctor? Are you okay? I worry about my Little Sister! Interesting….does she USUALLY feel just like TP, but “beloved Travis” makes her feel like USED TP?? Hmm…doc says to you feeling? I say “I feel like my back is breaking in half” or I point to a very spall spot on my arm and say “see that spot right there? Well THAT spot, and only that spot, DOESNT hurt” I can no longer think like a pre-teen…but I STILL remember how I FELT after I was gang raped a week after I turned 13…and despite my youth, and limited vocabulary (at 13), I remember having (and still HAVE) many feelings/emotions…none of them having ANYTHING to do with toilet paper! AND after that man raped, sodomized and beat me back in 1999…I was angry, hurt, humiliated, depressed, frightened debased…but toilet paper never came to mind…”Contrived” yes, that was the word I was looking for! I THINK what “bothers” or “irritates” MOST of us is this: life is no fukkin bed of roses, your mama was doing her “job” by taking the “wooden spoon” to your ass, you are lucky it wasn’t the razor strop, you self-involved thing! And, obviously, mama didn’t use that old spoon ENOUGH, did she? Cuz look where you is now! And as far as feeling like TP, if you would keep your knees together and have a little self respect, instead of shaving yourself bald and throwing that “used Grand Canyon” at every man you meet, you WOULD feel a little better about yourself! And speaking of the Grand Canyon and toilet paper…how do you feel now that millions of people, MEN and WOMEN, have seen GRAPHIC GYNECOLOGICAL photos of your “innermost self”..have you NO SHAME? It will be YEARS, if EVER, for someone to look at you, and NOT see that graphic photo in their minds eye! A woman cannot act like a slut and then expect to NOT be treated like one! Airy-ass HAD to say TP, because anything else plays back to HER having responsibility for trying to catch a man by using pussy as bait!

  9. Lorri Wong says:

    So, I live in Minnesota, but have been obsessed with this trial and want a death penalty verdict. With that being said, I have colleagues in Arizona and I was talking to a gal there today and told her I had to run to get home to watch the latest news on the Jodie Arias Trial. Her response. “Cannot stand to even see her. She is a clown. Loves the attention I think and a good actress. Believe me we are so tired of hearing about her down here. Just nonsense. Death Penalty! ” Too Funny. I did not ask her if she would go and try to get a picture of Juan for me.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Lorri: I would bet that the people of Arizona would all pay to not ever hear that name again.

  10. BlueWhiteRed says:

    Mama Via, the phrase that always makes me cringe is after Nurmi asks why she killed Travis and that tone…..the simple answer is..he attacked me, and I defended myself. Ugh.

    • Mama Via says:

      Yes, I know Mr BWR! What a “piece” of work! ps: thank you for your service to our country (where, Lady Justice allows TotMoms to kill her baby, and then hide out with her attorney,, One Finger Cheney…) our Justice System isn’t perfect, but neither am I! I believe in my country, and I am proud of her. My dad served in Korea and Vietnam (Navy), I was in the Air Force (Vietnam era) my son was in the Navy-Gulf War and his father in the Air Force, (Vietnam, Gulf War) and my current husband, a highly decorated EWO flew &over Vietnam, was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross. I believe (despite the risk of being flamed) that every American should be required to give a minimum of 2-4 years to our country…it would have taught so many people (Anthony and AiryAss would have learned a little restraint and self discipline…and actually learned a SKILL that would have gotten them off their backs and into their FEET”. !!!

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