The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law-Definitions Of Terms, What To Do When A Ruling Doesn’t Go Your Way.

Not a Judge Stephens Better Take a Pizza Delivery Safety Course – Arizona

Hello Students. Welcome Back. Please stand and face Florida for the singing of the class anthem. Thank you.

Deb, please take your seat. What do you mean, I want you to graduate so I can get rid of you? Is that a knife in your backpack? Of course you are my favorite student in the history of ever. Okay, how about this. You can fail the bar, and you will just have to come back to class again. Yes, that way you wouldn’t be dumped. No Deb, a mouth hug is NOT necessary. Thank you anyway. Silly, can you PUHLEASE once again remove all sharp instrument from and around Deb. Thank you.

Please take out your tablets and as always I must caution you that this may count for all, some or none of your mark.

Your Professor and Dean of Fuckery has been on the internet in the last few days. It is a scary place. Once again my hallowed legal terms are being thrown about cyberspace willy nilly with no clue as to what these terms actually mean. This makes your Professor sad. In an attempt to make myself less sad and for the edification of everyone, here are some more terms to add to your legal vocabulary.

Impeach. to accuse (a public official) before an appropriate tribunal of misconduct in office.  Ex:  Dear appropriate tribunal. The not a judge just pissed all over our constitution.
Chiefly Law. to challenge the credibility of: impeach a witness.
to call in question; cast an imputation upon:

Sealing Order: Please pay particular attention to this one, it’s important.
A Court order that restricts access to or disclosure of any record or document filed in a proceeding. Also known as an order of confidentiality or secrecy order.

The public has a general right to observe Court proceedings which includes the right to view and make copies of records within the Court file. Some Court files are sealed as of right simply because of the nature of the proceedings. For example, many jurisdictions will seal from public access:

Court records of family and divorce files;  NOPE
Court files which involve children such as child protection proceedings; and NOPE
Court files involving the criminal prosecution of a minor. NOPE
Generally, a Court reserves the right to seal files and prohibit public view or copying thereof for extraordinary circumstances. The will involve weighing the public’s right of access against the likelihood of substantial prejudice to a litigant or their right to a fair trial.

One typical example in the adult plaintiff for sexual abuse perpetrated when she or he was a minor. Ding Ding Ding!!!  Hmmm. Didn’t some blogger somewhere say she figured Stabby was now saying she was molested as a child? I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere.

Mitigating Factors: Otherwise known as the most useless term in the legal dictionary. Any fact or circumstance that lessens the severity or culpability of a criminal act. Mitigating factors include an ability for the criminal to reform, mental retardation, an addiction to illegal substances or alcohol that may have contributed to the criminal behavior, and past good deeds, among many others. Recognition of particular mitigating factors varies by jurisdiction. Please take note class that there is no mention of being able to grow hair, being able to read, being able to speak Spanish, or being able to trace actual artworks. I don’t see anything about hating garbage either.

Mitigation: the action of reducing the severity, seriousness, or painfulness of something.

Hippocampus: The hippocampus is the part of the brain that is involved in memory forming, organizing, and storing. hippocampus

Hippocamping:hippo  Please note that there IS a difference class.  I realize that it is subtle, but it is there!!


Now on to the bigger topic of this evenings class.  What to do when you don’t have a ruling go your way.  Generally speaking class, Judges are not supposed to have a shit to give as to whether a defendant wins or loses their case.  Unfortunately, much like informing a Jury to stay away from the media this is very rarely the case.  You can generally get a general feel who the Judge is siding with.   When it leaves general feel and lands on blatant bias you may have a not a Judge on your hands. If your not a Judge happens to be on your particular side then YAY!! Here are two easy ways to tell if you have a not a Judge. You ask for fifty billion sidebars and the not a judge says sure come on up. You ask for ridiculous motions and they are granted to the shock of everyone in the history of ever. Unfortunately, this may lull some of you into a false sense of security. Remember, when your not a judge makes rulings that are so egregious that the grade 7 class at Mesa Middle School goes WTF, your not a Judge may have crossed the line. In the event that this occurs do not be shocked or hell even remotely surprised when either the opposing side or a third party with a dog in the fight files motions at a higher court level. Don’t be shocked, but for gods sake ACT shocked. If you don’t you could end up giving up your not a Judge and nobody wants that. Do they? Now, in the event that you are challenged by the other side do NOT panic. Simply present your case and in the likely event that the higher court actually understands things like oh I don’t know, the law, your motion will be stayed or quashed. A stay is bad, but not the end of the world. You can work around it. Simply go back to your not a Judge and throw a small hissy fit. They will of course look concerned that the higher court issued a stay or quash because only you and your opponent realize that he judges prejudices are coming into play. the not a Judge is ALWAYS clueless. Patiently explain the way you understood the previous rulings, tell them if you can’t have the court run your way you are not prepared to continue, cross your arms, purse your lips and pout. The not a Judge should immediately bend to your will. While you are at it tell the not a Judge you need extra time, about another month would be good. If your opponent turns a shade of purple and has to be led from the courthouse by a dog wrangler and a vet with a dart gun, you have indeed presented compelling arguments to your not a Judge. Expect them to immediately cancel court for whatever highness you are representing. They will drag the Jurors down to court at their earliest inconvenience just to tell them that since you are all butthurt court will be reconvened in a week or so. The not a Judge will then strongly admonish them to avoid all media. We all know how that works right young lawyers. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Take the week the not a Judge has cancelled court for to think up a hundred thousand new ways to fuck with opposing council once you come back. If you are good, you can stall the trial for infinity and nobody has to worry about pesky details like the DP.

Please study the video link below and tell me whether or not you think this is a not a Judge and your reasons for your beliefs.

That’s it for tonight class. Have a lovely evening.

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18 Responses to The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law-Definitions Of Terms, What To Do When A Ruling Doesn’t Go Your Way.

  1. You killed me with the hippocampus because that was exactly what I was thinking and when I scrolled down I almost laughed myself off my chair, lol.
    Great blog as always! Thank you!
    I hope you and your dog are well!

  2. Martini13 says:

    I was almost afraid to read tonight bc I am so freakin mad at JSS, buuuuut I am so happy I did bc that hippo reference & pix made my night!! Fabulous job as always my dear!!💕💕🍸

  3. Mama Via says:

    Professor…is there such a thing as JUDGE NULLIFICATION? Pardon my dunce cap, but…doesn’t Not a Judge delaying the trial long enough for Alfred “who me?” Numbnutz to appeal the appeal qualify as the judge assuming the “meatflaps” position and begging The Duhfense to mount her? Sherry “choose a hole” Stevens needs to fukkin grow a pair! Every decision she makes gives the Duhfense yet ONE MORE reason to appeal and reverse! Why even go thru this charade? Did Mr white,Red,Blue, my dad, husband, son and I serve our country to allow this TRAVESTY in the courtroom?? I am fukkin APPALLED!!!! Numbnutz was right…this “trial” won’t be over until “at earliest” JANUARY!! Good gravy, I’m glad I’m not a resident of Arizona!! What they may save on “cheap housing” because they live in the fukkin desert will be eaten by MUCH HIGHER TAXES due to the Arias/Numbnutz/Stevens Fuckery! I am LIVID!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Mama: In theory the judge could be impeached. I haven’t done any research into how many times this has happened or how serious the transgressions were. I will research and get back.

  4. renaes24 says:

    I think a higher court needs to step in and pull this crazy jurist out! Sure, it will mean re-starting the penalty phase, but it is the only hope of preserving the entire record. This “judge”,(yes, small j ),is totally mindless, clueless and feckless.
    The prosecutor reminded her that SHE had the power to insist that the case go forward (witness out of order if needed), and yet she did……………(wait for it)………NOTHING!
    As for dragging out the proceedings for another month (or more) past what was anticipated: The “judge” can LIMIT the scope of testimony of witnesses. In Jodi’s case, that would mean we don’t need to know about all of the damn frappachinoes. We don’t need to know that the bitch ate for breakfast 9 years ago.
    Now there is basically yet another week of no testimony, What about all the jurors who have put their lives on hold? Me thinks if Nurmi drags this out until (at least) the end of January, there will not be enough empaneled jurors to reach a verdict and another mistrial will be declared. Wouldn’t it be far better to declare that now (by bringing in another jurist) that wait for another month?

    Great blog posts (as usual) Kelly. As for your doggie……I always used fresh cut lemons to get the stink of cadavers off me. Perhaps it would work with ‘eau de skunk’ ?

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      renae: I tend to agree with you. Unfortunately if you think the blue wall is bad, you have never seen the black wall in action. Thanks renae

  5. eversnark says:

    Because you want to be sure JSS knows that Nurmi is correct when he argues about online campaigns interfering with this trial.


  6. sillyhaha71 says:

    I’m obtaining quite an extensive knife collection. Thanks, Deb!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      You should hang on to those. I have a feeling that they may increase in value.

      • renaes24 says:

        And if you add a line like “from Stabby’s collection” the price will go up dramatically! Don’t worry if Stabby has not been near them, she hasn’t been near the ‘glasses’ or some of the other crap listed with her ‘brand’ either!

  7. Deb says:

    Dear Prof. RBMD Kelly, m’aam…please admonish Silly to give me back those knives…they may/may not be of value, since I may/may not have stolen them from a well-known celebrity felon – said felon thought she tossed them pretty good (bwhahahahahaha); but she didn’t. (sucks to be her – oh well!) Plus and because, I hear a pair of WalMart glasses she wore sold for a slick $1500…

    Anyway…in lieu of me writing a term paper on support of whether or not ‘not a judge’ in AZ is actually not a judge…can I write a dissertation…I could stretch it to three pages if need be… on how damn F’N mad I am that the nose-picking, booger-eating, lying, motion generating, load of slimy crap that’s representing the maybe she was/maybe she wasn’t (your guess is as good as mine) abused/molested/fucked up but probably not insane from the time she was old enough to walk – piece of 3 holey-shit wonder, who can not only grow hair, but apparently can take over the court of ‘not a judge’ by using some hokey Jedi mind trick? Can I??

    I promise, you won’t be sorry…I’ll behave in class for about 45 minutes…won’t bring any more knives (for Silly to steal) into class…and maybe even offer to give mouth-hugs at a RBMD fund raiser booth…and possibly/possibly not recycle any plastic bottles the customers are carrying! How about it??????

    • renaes24 says:

      You go girl! Rock on!

      • Deb says:

        Thanks, renaes!!!! Will you please make Prof “K” aware that you support my studently hippocampus endeavors to be a MORE MODEL role model and proactivist/anti-Baby Huey could pass for his double/chicken wing maneuvering, sad sack wanna be but he’s just a pretend attorney who’s only specialty was/is clogging up the court system with inane and ludicrously frivolous motions?? Will ya’, renaes…(my newest BFF in the whole world, since Silly & I are on the outs now…)

      • renaes24 says:

        Professor: I think Deb here is doing a fine job on her own. She does seem to have a right to her knives and promises not to bring them to class. Thanks

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Deb: Because you show such great promise in the motion writing category of law class, I am compelled to allow the dissertation. As I have told you at least 30 times that we already have a recycling program in place. Mouth hugs are NOT necessary Deb, but it is very sweet of you to offer.

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