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The Stabby Arias Never Ending Penalty Phase Retrial – The Lets Keep The Witness Under Direct Forever So Juan Can’t Cross Examine Edition

There is not enough Tylenol in the entire world for this shit – Arizona

Hai Kids. Welcome to another edition of the never ending Stabby Einstein penalty phase retrial. The penalty phase that the Convict would like to turn into the I’m getting out of jail by Saturday do-over.

Just before we get to todays foray into the almost insane some of you may have noticed the disclaimer that I have posted on the bottom right hand side of my blog. It is more about the people and entities that are NOT allowed to post my blog than who is. If I have failed to mention you by name or by site than consider yourself allowed to use my blog in whole or in part as long as it is credited to the Really Big Mean Dog Article you have used. This is just more stuff that my lawyer friend said would be pertinent for me to do, makes litigation much easier. So, if I forgot to name you by name and you have been linking my blog or using parts of it or whatever and you have not been expressly forbidden from doing that, please just continue to do what you have been doing all along. People were not listed in order of importance, just who popped into my head at that particular moment and I had to stop naming specific people that were allowed permission because I ran out of room.

Court today started an avalanche of questions in my head, non of which have been answered to any satisfaction even by some of the greatest legal minds that I know. They are doing the exact same head scratch that I am. Questions like how is a paid expert allowed to give an opinion on a seven year old email with no context and without speaking with either of the people the email was between seeing as one of them is dead and the other was not approached. How is that not all just hearsay? How is there any foundation for the email? How is someone does someone who is purported to be an expert in sexual kink not know what a fuck buddy is, or a friend with benefits? Does that not toss the whole sex expert thing directly out the window? How do you get any sense of what is truth and what is a lie from Stabbykins (other than if her mouth is moving she is likely full of shit) when you have spent less than 8 hours with her split between two sessions? How does she spend a day and a half on the stand talking about Chris and sky hughes perceptions of the relationship between Travis and the murdering bitch without ever having an interview with Chris and Sky hughes? A day and a fucking half and never talked to either one of them? Really? I have obviously made some egregious career choices in my life and would now like to become a sexual kink expert. This sunshine filled lollypop of triple dipped psycho is going for $300 per hour. That the Aunty Sue we need more money for appeals and experts and stuff definitely isn’t paying for. You are Arizona. I would have done it for half just so you know. Of course it would have been over Skype, but still. I could have saved you a fortune and done a way better job.

This is Dr. Sexpert. dr sxpert Thank you Jeff Gold. She will now for the duration of the retrial be referred to as Dr. Sexpert.  Also, just as an aside, it’s pretty bad when the kink expert is looking at the defense attorney like she needs an adult.  Just sayin’.

Anyway, we started the day going over emails from Lisa Andrews. Lisa was crazy in love with Travis AKA T-Dogg AKA Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at one point and wanted to marry him. She apparently had a hard time staying away from him once they broke up which proves…what? Travis was kind and funny and attractive and dated people. THE BASTARD!!

Dr. Sexpert started to get into the idea that Travis had a thing for young girls. Juan was up barking lack of foundation (thank god I was starting to think he was sick or had lost his voice or something) and was sustained. Alfred E in his usual “I’m getting paid by the word fashion” began again. Dr. Sexpert got in that Stabby with a bald cooch and braids raised a red flag for her to which I said “why, did Travis hold her down, shave the bitch and braid her hair..OR did she show up that way?” Myself and Jeff Gold seemed to be on the same page because he was as confused as I was as to how this was relevant to anything. Dr. Sexpert also took Ms Jodi’s *BARF,BARF, and BARF* word for it that Travis was pulling it to pics of little boys, never mind that in all these years absolutely ZERO evidence of this has ever been produced and said that was another huge red flag. Because I am nothing if not thorough even if the subject matter is ridiculous and happens to disgust me I did a bunch of research on pedophilia and am now probably on some fucking watch list somewhere. By definition pedophiles have a sexual attraction to children predominantly 11 yrs of age or younger and do not generally cross gender lines. That means that they either like little boys or little girls. Of course as with all things there are those that don’t care, but as a rule, they like boys or they like girls.

Now before we move on to the rest of the paid $300 an hour by the not so great State of Arizona’s witnesses testimony, I have a question for you all. You don’t have to answer out loud if you don’t want to, but answer it in your head and be honest. How many of you were doing sexual things when you were 12, 13, 14 years old. Not forced things, those don’t count, but sexually curious things, be it masturbating, giving someone a handjob, or anything of that nature. With yourself or with someone, doesn’t matter. My point is that at those ages, kids become sexually curious and aware of themselves sexually. Travis was 12 and 13 and 14 at some point. So what are the odds that he might have been playing I will play with yours if you will play with mine with someone around the same age as him and she had an orgasm and that is how he knew what that sounded like? That is a perfectly reasonable and also perfectly normal part of growing up to me. That does not make him a pedophile. I know it’s a gross conversation but somebody had to say it. It is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why that statement ever came out of his mouth. If that was his first experience with a female orgasm it would have been a fond memory and a memory that would have aroused him because he is a man and the wind blowing in the right direction will arouse most of them.

Now, back to Dr. Sexpert. She is officially LaToilette 2.O and has downed the whole gallon of Stabby Kool-Aid. Why oh why would poor Stabby go back to a man she had just allegedly discovered masturbating to pictures he shouldn’t have been, never mind that Napoleon never barked when she came in, never mind that the Christmas decorations she was supposedly there to help him put in the attic were never found, never mind that he decided to masturbate to illegal material in the middle of the day when he knew she was coming and didn’t lock the door, she caught him and it sickened her to the point that she vomited and got a headache. Then she went back to him. According to Dr. Sexpert this would be because she was so blinded by love for him that she could not help herself. (somebody remind me to send Mi’Lady a thank you note for the Pretoria puke bucket) Then she emphatically stated that she was not calling Travis a pedophile, there were just some red flags. She next said that Travis and Stabby were not engaged in any type of unlawful sexual activities which kind of cancels out the red flags she spoke of earlier yeah?

Then she said the most hilariously funny thing I have ever heard in my life. It was put a half can of pop though my nose funny. She said that Travis was the sexually seasoned one and poor wittle Stabbykins was completely unseasoned. This is a woman that could turn at least two aisles in a candy store into sex toys but she was sexually unseasoned. What exactly is Dr. Sexperts standard if this succubus is considered sexually unseasoned by her?

Alfred E. Nurmi was STILL on direct when court was called for the evening and it was announced that due to some magical emergency court would be dark till Thursday. Yup, December 18th is totally going to happen.

Juan apparently has filed a motion for sanctions against Nurms because the hard drive that was provided to the State was one that belonged to some dude name Tony and had nothing to do with the case. He said that Nurmi is obviously trying to stall and he wanted the mirror image of the correct hard drive by noon today, or he wanted Nurmi in front of an ethics committee or facing some jail time. Totally won’t happen, but it goes to show how pissed off Juan is getting.

In totally unrelated news, Charles Manson applied for a marriage license in Kings County today. He is going to marry some chick named Star. Hey, Stabby thinks she’s a star, Manson is marrying a star. Maybe Manson and Stabby are tying the knot. Ewwww, I just gave myself the willies. Christ on a cracker, can you imagine.

So there you have it, a big huge bunch of nothing, much like the rest of the big bunches of nothing that seem to be this entire penalty phase retrial that the defense is trying to turn into a whole new trial. I hate Stabby. I hate this trial. I am starting to hate Arizona. I still love pop tarts.

RBMD peacing the fuck out. Have a great night everybody.

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94 Responses to The Stabby Arias Never Ending Penalty Phase Retrial – The Lets Keep The Witness Under Direct Forever So Juan Can’t Cross Examine Edition

  1. tammy says:

    Dear Kelly headed to walmart to get me a bucket too, tired of throwing up in my lap lol. How in Gods name can they get away with what they are doing in that courtroom? I hope Jaun hits this nutjob and her head ends up 3 miles away. How do these ppl sleep at night? Travis family half to be hurting from all the lies being spread accross the world. Hope your feeling good today, take care!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Tammy: I recommend the 5 gallon bucket. Red is nice. I have no idea, none of the lawyers I have spoken with have any idea, my personal attorney’s opinion is that there will be trial number 3 which fills me with a sick dread. Juan is going to lose his shit for real if he ever gets to cross examine. Thanks for reading.

  2. Deb says:

    I know you don’t feel well; I know you have a lot on your plate. What I don’t understand is how the hell you come up with such damn funny shit – every single post?! “…turn at least two aisle in a candy store into sex toys…” I’m sitting here, all alone and laughing out loud…while I try some homeopathic remedies for a UTI I’ve had for about 4 days…no health insurance and feeling like a pile of shit…but laughing out loud!!!! You are so dear to me <3…I thank God I found you and your absolutely wonderful blog ❤ Please keep us in the loop – enlightened – entertained – allowing us to be part of your most blessed life? You are worth your weight in gold (that's meant as a great compliment, of course! 🙂 )

    • My Real Name says:

      Ditto, Kelly!

      • Debra Ross says:

        Deb I have no homeopathic remedies for a UTI but only what I know helps as I’m very prone to them myself. Over the counter stuff….AZO (turns the pee orange) & Cystex …plus drink only clear liquids such as water & 7 Up soda. Make sure to eat at least crackers or something. Sit in a really warm bath with baking soda will help ease the ache & urge & pain also.

    • Ruthanne says:

      Deb, Cranberry juice, water and golden seal, (an all natural over the counter herb). These three things should do the trick. And if you feel it when it first starts to come on, and drink the cranberry juice right away, it will usually knock it out before it’s full blown. I had a medical condition that caused frequent ones when I was young, had surgery twice because of it. They are awful. Hope you heal fast.

      • Deb says:

        Ruthanne, thanks so much for the info! ❤ I did all that, but I tend to get them so bad that the homeopathics don't work. I ended up wrapping all my change (and believe me, there was a TON) and I ended up going to the clinic – to the tune of $150 and that was even with them dispensing with a bona fide culture – to save me some dough. Thank God, the abx were only $10…I should be on the mend soon!!!

        The only down side is now, I have to start saving change all over again – it should take approximately 5 years, but…what the Hell!!!! 😉 and LOL!

    • Mama Via says:

      Ask your pharmacy about “Azo”…I have some in the cabinet for emergencies…it’s an OTC…get well soon!!!

      • Ruthanne says:

        Oh yes, I keep that around too, it numbs the pain quite well, but you still need something to heal it as well. All of these things should be in your home. 🙂

      • Mama Via says:

        Well,I am sending healing vibrations and peaceful thoughts your way dear! I hope you feel better VERY soon!! I went to see doctor today…she gave me Nexium (?) (the purple pill) for the heartburn that has been killing me for weeks…she said I should be feeling better next week…damn…another prescription!

        Take care of yourself, honey!

      • Deb says:

        Thanks to you too, Mama! ❤ Been there & done it…when I get one of these fucker infections, I have to eventually bite the bullet and call in the heavy artillery!!! I should be feeling better in about 24 hrs. – or – if numbnuts gets his license yanked, or if he gets fined $50K, or if hairy-anus aka stabby-einstein gets jumped in jail and has a few teeth knocked right out of her lying mouth!!!

      • Mama Via says:

        Haha Deb!!! You haven’t been overcome by delirium, have you??? But down right FUNNY!!! Well done!! Miss Kels has got to be proud of her students…we’ve been doing some bonding here, haven’t we all? Must be that getting close to end of the semester…and we’ve all got mid-term crazies!!

        You gotta know that Lady Karma is going to take a BIG bite out of Numbnutz ample ass!!! (And a bad case of “piles” for Stabbikins!!!)

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Deb: This makes me feel better, that’s how. Ewww, sorry about the UTI they suck balls. Thank you so much Deb. I hope you feel better soon.

  3. Deb says:

    Tammy, I loved that line about sending stabby’s head for a 3-block trip!!! I’d sell my hair – all of it – to see that!

    • tammy says:

      Deb I meant that crazy ol fool testifying, notice she knows nothing about the murderer how she wanted pictures of Travis titty fu—– her and wanting him not to block her face etc. Think of all the shit lies Jaun caught her in the first trial and now they are back for more. That is one stupid bunch, can’t wait for Jaun to eat her alive. If I had a chance I’d beat the sh– out of her myself! Hope the jury gets to see the emails of her begging for him to give her a– a much needed pounding and how she wanted her face creamed….then tell me Travis brought all this on. From the looks of her privates shes taken on a few football teams too!!!!!!

  4. jackie hardie says:

    …on point as always Kelly. What’s driving me crazy is every week there is some sort of bizarre cliff-hanger which ends up being nothing. It just smacks of intentional delay so Nurmi can continue to line his pockets courtesy of the fine citizens of AZ. I believe the Defense is intentionally causing these delays knowing that Juan will have to come in and clean up each and every one of them. With that, Nurmi’s now collecting double-time. Surprised he’s not requesting to work on Thanksgiving. Triple-time there….

    I don’t get how you can take an email like “stop emailing my 9 yr old daughter” and use it to make TA look bad without including the complete email in it’s entirety. These people are shameless.

    How is it that shaving your girly parts is considered to make you out to be trying to look like a child? Perhaps it’s a personal preference??

    Why is it that it’s highly unusual for a person to send a text at 11pm?? Wasn’t aware there was a cut-off time for “normal” people…

    And last but not least, was this not-a-Doctor kept completely in the dark about the fate of ALV…never to be seen or heard from again?

    Just crazy……

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Jackie: Thank you. It is like some goddamn soap opera. Oh there is no smacking involved, these are DEFINITE intentional delays, just waiting to see how hard he gets hit by the ethics committee. Can’t fucking wait either. Yes everyone, immediately stop texting at 10:59 or you are obviously a perv. The most fucked up trial in the history of ever.

  5. Kelly, I’m wondering if maybe, just maybe, Nurmi really is in deep trouble. It does appear to (to me) that this do nothing judge has done everything for the defense that she could, short of laying down and playing dead. Now, she may have to answer to an ethics committee, along with Nurmi, for this latest shenanigan he pulled. He blatantly lied about the police, the prosecution and Juan Martinez. I’m thinking today’s noon deadline filed by Juan came and went with still no computer or mirror image, because they don’t have one. But, one thing Mr. Martinez said is true and we in the USA and in Canada could testify to it under oath….is that Nurmi is deliberately and blatantly STALLING. Stalling the court, the family of Travis and well, just stalling, and getting paid big bucks for stalling. I would think that may be illegal or at the least, unethical. Maybe a higher court has gotten wise to these shenanigans from the Defense team. (I hope!)

    Kelly, when do you see the doctor again. Please update us as soon as you can. I really do care. You are special, so please do whatever needs to be done! Our heart is nothing to procrastinate about.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Judy: According to my lawyer type sources, Nurms may very well be in the deep end of the shit pool. I promise I will keep you all updated. THanks for reading.

  6. Connie says:

    The high point of today for me was when Dr. Sexpert asserted that people only speak favorably of the dead, which in some sick way justifies her not interviewing any of the people whose emails she dissected in open court. I wanted to send her head 3 miles away (thank u Tammy for that visual). So let’s see….she won’t interview Travis’ friends because gawd forbid they might tell the truth…..but she will spend 8 hours talking to a pathalogical liar…oh and CONVICTED MURDERER. Give me a break!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Connie. Apparently Dr. Sexpert has never heard me have a discussion regarding my not so dearly departed parents. This chick is a nut bag. I don’t know what you have to do to get expert put on your CV in Arizona but I’m starting to think it is a lot like becoming a seated judge.

  7. Connie Rust says:

    The high point of today for me was when Dr. Sexpert asserted that people only speak favorably of the dead, which in some sick way justifies her not interviewing any of the people whose emails she dissected in open court. I wanted to send her head 3 miles away (thank u Tammy for that visual). So let’s see….she won’t interview Travis’ friends because gawd forbid they might tell the truth…..but she will spend 8 hours talking to a pathalogical liar…oh and CONVICTED MURDERER. Give me a break!

  8. Connie Rust says:

    Oh and Kelly….put me down for a mug…the one with fuck on it please.

  9. Connie Rust says:

    Not sure why my comments posted twice. It’s been that kind of day.

  10. My Real Name says:

    The first good news is that this Dr. can kiss her career goodbye. The second bit of good news is that Juan is gonna tear this shit UP.

    Also, when I read that sexually seasoned bit I was speechless. This is a rarity for me.She doesn’t have a clue and I cannot wait for Juan to get his turn. Anymore, I can only shake my head and think, this defense lawyer is making sure that the bitch is going down. And not in a sexually seasoned way, mind you.

    • Mama Via says:

      I’m guessing dr Sexpert is a “woman of a certain age”…and with retirement looming, doesn’t give a damn about her future “career”…kinda like the 65 year old greeter at wal-mart, or the 70 year old french fry cook at Mickey D’s…a “sexpert” who doesn’t know what “jizz” is…well let’s just say her “seasoning” has been before 11 pm, in the missionary position, with the lights off! SEXpert!!! PPPFFFFFTTTThhhhh!!!

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        Hai Mama: Dr Sexpert I would agree is using this as her 15 min of fame since she is definitely at that age. OMG you made me laugh my ass of Mama. That was funny.

  11. I’m so sick of this bullshit trial it’s unreal. It’s been going on WAY the fuck too long. I can’t believe this pathetic excuse of a judge has let this circus go on for this long. So what was the big emergency that court’s dark until Thursday? A light bulb in the hallway blew out? You know on Thursday that the first thing Nurmi’s going to do is file another motion so Thursday’s not going to happen and court’s dark on Friday so we’re working into next week now and oh gee, it’s almost Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years! I’m betting this trial doesn’t end until 2016 at least and then it’ll be a hung jury again and the appeals will go on for eons.
    BTW, all t his bullshit about TA being a pedophile? Excuse me, but wasn’t it Jodi with her ass up in the Air-ee-ass who dressed up in boy shorts, shaved her cooch and wore pigtails on her own??
    Fucking please. Pass the Pistorius bucket.

  12. So glad I found your writings. You give such an honest review of the happenings in court. I could have used a bucket myself today with all the lies that Dr. Sexier had to say. The one where Stabbie was less seasoned than Travis. Did they forget to tell her Stabbie introduced KY and my personal opinion,of anal sex. Just feeling sorry for the Alexander’s. I would have done something drastic by now if I were in their shoes. They have such class! Thanks for making me laugh through this farce of a trial. Hoping you are feeling better. Follow Dr’s orders and relax. Well as much as possible.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Smurfette: I’m glad too. Dr. Sexpert obviously has her own agenda, she’s another one that is going to save poor wittle stabbykins. *barf* I”m feeling okay today thanks.

  13. Angie says:

    Finally! So I keep posting and asking and posting to no response! How many music videos are made or slutty Halloween costumes, of Catholic school girl costumes for men to drool on or over or other things. Are they pedophile or raising Dr.Sexpert Red Flags? I imagine it reminds them of a younger time in their lives and a trip down memory lane, not a old man creepy pervert pedophile! Although it sounds gross and uncomfortable to hear what was said on the undercover spy sex blackmail tape, I have no doubt that your thoughts on the meaning behind Travs’ uncomfortable are more valid than Sexpert……

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Angie: I totally agree with that statement. I think they should just pay me to take over the rest of this trial. LOL. thanks for reading.

  14. Mama Via says:

    Well, I didn’t see my name at the end of the blog, so I’m assuming I can still comment…and, yes, I DO know I have my own fukking blog, I just like YOURS better!!!

    “People only speak favorably of the dead”…please allow me to comment…my step mother died (of a brain hemorrhage while we were eating dinner on a cruise) when I was 12. My father began molesting me not soon after her death, and continued to do so until I escaped home. When I “floated” some “hints” that something wasn’t “right” at home to one of my aunts, she said “Oh, Via, you really SHOULDNT make up such lies, everyone knows that your dad would never do anything like THAT!” Within a year after I left home, my little sister, who was mentally “challenged”, became pregnant…when I asked her who the father was, she said “Via, you know who it was!” Yes, I knew…

    Two tears later, the three of them were killed in an auto accident. At the age of 20, I was alone in the world….and the few aunts that I had (my fathers sisters) wouldn’t have believed me if I had TRIED to tell them the truth! Even now, 40 years after the accident, NONE of them KNOW, nor would they BELIEVE what my dad did…(well one MIGHT, because my dad had taken porno pics of my sister which she found as she was cleaning my dad’s house.)

    So, now that you know the background…there are TWO people in the world that are SUPPOSED to love you, come hell or high water…your mom and dad…(I already told you about my egg donor leaving my sister and I to die in a trailer) and my immature brain (which had a heavy dose if brain washing administered by my dad) was TRYING to figure out what was right and what was wrong…AND no ONE, NOT MY GRANDPARENTS or aunts/uncles would gave believed a word I said if I gad told them the truth…(yet they ALL wanted me to give the “dirt” about who the father of my sisters baby was!). All of them, every one…told stories about how “wonderful” my dad was…”don’t speak ill of the dead” was the mantra….how does a child tell the truth, and keep the love of grandparents, aunts & uncles?

    It took YEARS, literally YEARS for me to get over the “don’t speak ill of the dead”…YEARS to admit what had happened to me…YEARS to get over the fear of being called a LIAR…and more years to understand how my “beloved Daddy” could have done that, not just to me…but to my little sister, too. He tried to convince me that my little sister wasn’t REALLY HIS daughter, he said my mother had a lover named “James Bond”…(yes, really, he said this with a straight face)…and although I’ll admit that my egg donor was a ho and a slut…she WAS HIS DAUGHTER, as much as I was.

    I STILL WANT to say good things about him…I don’t HATE him (I don’t love him either). Fifty years of sublimating memories erases emotions….I know his sisters were only able to see him through a “sisters eyes”…and times gave changed…maybe…we still all speak well if the dead…we forgive their “sins” against us, we recall happy moments…we hide the truth…we even lie to ourselves…because we fear that if we were to be HONEST, our molester would be right: “if you TELL, no one will believe you…and no one will love you anymore!!!”

    I can’t tell my husband…I use the excuse that it us “ancient history” and no longer relevant…I can’t tell my son…I used to use the excuse “he’s too young to know stuff like that!” So, other than you ladies, very few people KNOW what happened…and I still feel “guilty” that I somehow “allowed” it to happen…I feel guilty that I don’t hate him…I feel guilty sometimes when I remember that I used to adore my Daddy…

    But, mostly, I feel guilty that I didn’t find a way to protect my little sister…that she suffered more than I did. I wish I could have carried that burden for her.

    Yes, people speak well of the dead…even when the dead don’t deserve it.

    • Connie Rust says:

      Mama I am so sorry for what u had to go through. I know it’s only words but u have nothing to feel guilty about. No child should have to go thru what u did. While I do know what it’s like to lose a parent I can’t imagine going thru that kind of abuse. I lost my mother at age 11 to Chron’s Disease. In those days there was no treatment..hell it didn’t even have a name. They just took out rotted sections of your gut till there was nothing left. Memories of those years haunt me to this day. While I do agree that it is hard to speak ill of the dead, hearing Dr. Sexpert use that today in the way that she did is just un-thinkable to me. She couldn’t even meet the authors of those emails before assuming she knew everything about them. That comment of hers just rubbed me the wrong way! U mentioned having a blog….where can I find it?

      • Mama Via says:

        Thank you, Miss Connie! I’m so sorry for your loss…I KNOW how devastating it is for a pre-teen to lose her mama! I STILL, to this DAY, think that the many things that a Mama teaches her daughter, I never learned, and as a result, I had difficulty socially…silly things that EVERY girl learns, I had to discover myself…like the joy of powder after a bath…and to fight the humidity on a hot day! Or how to apply foundation & mascara! (And not look like a CLOWN!) Needless to say, my DAD wasn’t going to teach me any of these things!

        The kids at school gave me a sympathy card…I remember that…but the “sympathy” evaporated after a few days…and I became “that weird girl, whose mom died”…when I MOST needed “peer support”, they acted like “having your mom die” was something contagious! You probably went thru something similar…being a kid is almost as tough as being OLD!! 😉

        Sending love and prayers

      • Mama Via says:

        Oh! Connie…Miss K has a link to my blog upon the right hand side…”Asleep in left field-My Life”…I don’t post there very often…I’ll let y’all know when I post something new…I’m actually working on something right now,..but I’m slow…

        I’m fighting degenerative disk disease in the C, T and Lumbar areas of my back…I just finished a 6 week course of cortosteroids, 3 shots per week, every week for 6 weeks…and I have an RFL coming up on the weds. before thanksgiving…(I’ve already had 3 back surgeries)…arthritis and fibromyalgia take turns beating me up…some days I can barely get off the sofa…I’ve got COPD, and can barely breathe half the time…the other half, I’m fighting allergies to all the crap in the air in Florida…I’ve dealt with endothelial dystrophy for years…and it’s catching up with me…and when I went to see the eye doc for new glasses, get wouldn’t even give me a new prescription, because he said my cataracts are so bad that new glasses wouldn’t help…he referred me to the eye surgeon…so..just in case you are wondering…IF you manage to survive mental-pause…it’s all fukkin downhill from there, my friend!! When your coochie quits working, the rest of you falls apart! It’s like your Who-hoo dries up, all your new friends have the same first name–“Doctor”…and you HAVE to RETIRE! No employer in his right mind would pay an employee who spends more time at the doctor than at work!

        But…one last thought here…one day on THIS side of the dirt, beats all hell out of a millinium spent UNDER the dirt! The good news is…my doctor says that I’m good for another 40 years of bitching that I’m falling apart!

      • BlueWhiteRed says:

        Mama, as a fellow Vet, I hope you know I care about you. The incident that gave me PTSD? I didn’t tell my wife until the day of the Royal Kid Wedding when I was l pretty drunk. I don drink much, mostly because of meds and low tolerance. I just got intobthevparty, passed out, then woke up screaming, trying to pull my jet fueled, full blaze clothes off. It took that to get the disease OUT. Only you know your pains and injuries. But this man (your hubby) LOVES you. My sons know an age appropriate version because my wife is away frequently and they needed to know how to handle my nightmares. I wish you peace (the F out, haha). I bet your husband would take care of your heart. My .02 (USD). BWR, Roger out.

      • Mama Via says:

        Thank you so much for sharing your pain with us, BWR…it means you trust us not to hurt you! And I take that as a compliment to our friendship (the friendship that so many of us have, the trust we’ve given). Miss K has certainly caused many of us to open up and expose our scars to one another…quite a feat, I would say!

        I haven’t shared this all with my husband for one reason…not because I need to hide it…but because my Dear Loving Husband had a “normal” childhood…with two parents that loved one another (his dad died in 1989, and his mother STILL wears her wedding rings!), he had friends that could come into his home, and unlike many of US, he never worried that his mom might be drunk, high, or passed out (nude) in the middle of the living room…he had his very own room, with a desk for studying…(not an air mattress on the floor…and so many “chores” that he didn’t have TIME for homework)…and he had a bathroom with running water and heating and air conditioning system….unlike my sister and I, who dealt with an “outhouse” (I’m terrified of spiders to this day!) and we pumped water into a pail, put it atop the wood stove, and “washed the pits” before school every morning..(we went to Gramma’s on Saturday for our weekly bath and hair washing). We had only a wood stove in that old four room house and it was my job to get up at 2 am, stomp out in a blizzard, m20 below zero, just so I could stoke the fire…then, I’d go back to bed…and feel the mice scurrying across the top of the quilt covering me…my DH never had to steal firewood from someone else’s land to stay warm…or glean (another word for STEAL) another farmers acreage for enough to feed ourselves or the cow and pigs…

        He is appalled that we were raised that way…and that my dad refused to go out and find a “real” job….The odd thing was that my dad was proud of himself, saying that he was “subsistence farming” (he wasn’t “farming” he was a thief! All he really HAD to do, was ASK the farmer who owned the land if he could “clear out those dead trees” or “pick up the corn that the harvesters missed”…but he never did that…maybe because he feared that the farmer would ask something in return: money or a portion of the “gleaning”…

        He had a closet full of clothes and shoes…I had 3 dresses and one pair of shoes (all from the thrift store)…his mom made breakfast every morning, we had popped corn from the night before with milk and sugar. My dad was proud that he never took a dime of “government money”…no one would call HIM a “welfare case”!! My DH went to University of the South aka:Sewanee (paid by his parents) and my dad refused to fill out the paperwork for me to get grants because he didn’t want folks thinking we were “poor” or taking advantage of the government money…”besides” I heard “you are an idiot! You wouldn’t last a week! What a waste of money to send you to college! You’d only get knocked up anyway! You would fail there just like you fail at everything! You don’t have as much common sense as Old Bessie! At least she knows when to come in out of the rain!”

        It’s difficult for him to understand how I could deal with ANY of that! (I didn’t know I had any other CHOICE!)

        As we’ve watched things on TV…rather “sanitized” in comparison…he has made different comments…said things that tell me that molestation, gang rape and incest are SO VERY FOREIGN to him…he cannot understand how ANY one could DO something like that!

        So, I decided that this is now, and that was then…I don’t want to pollute my Eden with that ugliness…my DH has two daughters that he ADORES…he would NEVER EVER touch them inappropriately! And, he’s 71…he has managed to NEVER known anyone who has endured those things! And I think I can honestly say that if some low-life molested or gang raped one of HIS GIRLS…there would have been some MURDER involved!

        So, I haven’t talked to him about any of the REALLY UGLY stuff….what good would come of it? He respects me for my ability to overcome the difficulties I have faced…what I’ve accomplished for myself (I graduated “summa cum laude” (to prove to myself that I wouldn’t be a failure) not once, but twice…

        Sharing those things with my friends here MIGHT give someone else strength…might convey that I KNOW the pain and anguish they feel, might console someone…to share it with him would cause HIM pain…I want him to love me for the woman I am now…not love me because he feels pity for me.

        He adores me as much as I adore him! He lives me, truly! I am so blessed to gave such a wonderful man! He escaped death in the skies over Vietnam and he escaped death (and worse) when he had his stroke/a-fib/heart attack three years ago…(he claims I saved his life…(but all I did was do what needed to be done really FAST!!). He lost about 5-10% of himself to that stroke…and I know he would protect me to his last breath, (including my heart!)…thankfully, I don’t have night terrors anymore…so he’s never seen me screaming in a panicked nightmare…(he says he “fights ninjas” in his sleep…and I just don’t want to add more “ninjas” to his nightmares!)

        Some of my experiences were 45-55 years ago…the memories and some if the pain will never be gone…but the wounds have healed…and the scars lessen each year…part of the “healing” is that my Dear Husband gives me such a “normal”, solid and stable life…where I gave no fear anymore of someone I love hurting me…

        Thank you for caring about me…I hope that your injuries and pain continue to heal…and that life is good to you too…
        So I wish you peace (the fuck out!) too!

        Hugs, Mama

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Mama you post here whenever you want. I completely get everything you just said because that too was me with my loving father, cepting my mamma served me up on a platter seeing as how she wasn’t much fond of sex by then anyway. I speak plenty ill of the dead, I do it often, it makes me feel better.

  15. JinkasaurusLOL says:

    Great job as usual. Appreciate the sled down the Manson path for a little comic relief. It seems old Charlie still has his mojo after all these years – turning those young girls heads. Would have loved to have seen him get hooked up with Jodi.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai jinkasaurus: Than you so much. OMG can you even imagine a Charlie/stabby wedding night. Wonder who would be alive in the morning.

  16. Jodi J. says:

    I am confident that Juan will annihilate Dr. Sexpert’s testimony. I just hope a male juror isn’t going home and dropping his pants, thinking about all the sex talk and how JA is “too pretty to die”. *gag*

  17. Ruthanne says:

    Kelly, First, I hope you are feeling okay today, as well as you can be.

    Second, my name wasn’t mentioned so I will continue to periodically post a link to your blog on my measly little fb page (mostly about Arias, and only until this trial is over after which it will be closed), and please know that I post the link to your page, so anyone clicking on it is redirected here. They probably never come back, lol, but that’s ok, you do a lot more and will be here forever. (I know you will.) And a big plus–you’re funny. 🙂

    Third, with regard to the 12 year old thing, the way I have taken that from day one is this–on that tape, (and probably any time she was speaking to Travis on the phone, in person, and I imagine when she was attempting to be seductive especially), she was talking like a little kid. I guess she was trying to be cute or something. You know how some girls think it’s cute to talk to their guy in baby talk? I never got it, but it seems like she did that with him, (maybe all men, and maybe some DO think it’s cute), BARF. So I took it like, she’s being all babyish talking to him, then does all that fake moaning crap, and he said what he said because she did that in the middle of talking that way. It just seemed obvious to me while listening the very first time. I was thinking, why is she talking like a teeny bopper? Then that happened and his comment just seemed a natural follow up. And all that little girl giggling. BARF It was nauseating but it was all her game. Does this make sense to anyone but me?

    Last, with regard to only speaking well of the dead, it is true with some people I’m sure, but I’ve heard people speak ill of dead people who weren’t deserving of better, and God forgive me, I’ve done it myself. I won’t hang out and socialize with living people I don’t like, even if they’re family members or in-laws, because I won’t pretend to like someone I can’t stand, and I won’t avoid the truth after they’re dead either, or say something I don’t believe just because they’re dead. I don’t think most honest people, (in normal circumstances–in no way minimizing the previous comment), would lie or alter the truth just to be polite to a dead person. I think if Travis was bad, the Hughes, Lisa, whomever–especially the people in his circle–would be fully truthful and forthcoming, even if it wasn’t good.

    • BlueWhiteRed says:

      Ruthanne, your paragraph on the whole little girl thing? Yes, please, dat’s the fact, Jack! I have been so turned off from her obvious method with Travis of “Me wittle Jodi, you big, smart man with biceps!” Her language really sounds so warped: boyfriend/girlfriend, oh crap, and something else I can remember. (Not edify, lol). Your point prompted my post below on little girl actions and their intended targets.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Ruthanne: Thank you. Of course feel free to post it. No that kind of makes sense. I agree with you about speaking about the dead. Like I said earlier, I am nothing if not honest and if I didn’t like ya when you were alive, that opinion is not going to change because you are suddenly no longer taking up valuable air. Thanks for reading.

  18. Mama Via says:

    Ruthann: the baby talk thing makes TOTAL sense to me! After all, think of the pigtails (which belong on the back end of a PIG!) and “little red riding ho”…uh, HOOD, I mean…where he was going to “tie her to a tree”…those two were role playing! And I know LOTS of women who shave their nether regions…and men who LOVE IT…but…it frightens me a bit…I was first molested when I was 5…and THAT weirdo (my step brother) had a “thing” for little girls…he INSISTED his SO was ALWAYS nekkid “down there”…so, sadly, my experiences have always made me suspicious of men who like the “pre-pubescent” look…just my own personal issue, I guess…it would never work for ME…I can’t keep my LEGS shaved!!

    I am trying SO hard to be more like you…cutting “toxic” people out of my life…the LAST time I saw my egg-donor, she told me hiw GRATEFUL I SHOULD BE…after all, if abortion had been LEGAL, she reminded me, I wouldn’t BE here! After THAT comment, and her demands that I “take care of her” because she’s “elderly”…were just TOO much! (She left me & my sister in a trailer to die, I was molested at 5, had the issue with my dad, and gang raped when I was 13…all while she was out living her life as a porn star! Yes, she really IS a famous stripper!) She doesn’t have my name, address or phone number…or even know what state I live in!

    Other than with my father’s sisters, whom I respect for numerous reasons…they are all in their late 70’sto mid 80’s…why throw the truth about ANY of their brothers in their face…but if ASKED, I won’t lie for any of those men again. Thanks for your insight!

    • Ruthanne says:

      I feel terrible about all that you’ve been through, and Kelly too. I went through some bad crap in my life, but at least I had good parents, although they weren’t together and had a complicated situation. I can’t imagine not having loving parents to depend on, let alone them being the ones who harm you, or let you be harmed. That there are so many people on here who have been through stuff, indicates we are all attracted toward each other, and the sharing, (although I haven’t done that yet), does help others heal. I thank you and everyone else who shares so openly.

      That said, eliminating toxic people and situations is something I learned to do after too many people hurt me and took advantage of me, people I trusted, people I loved. Anyway, one day I just decided that’s it, I will not be the one that gets used and abused anymore. I won’t say I was never fooled again, because I was, but once I know someone is doing me wrong, or is just no good for me and my life, I eliminate them. I don’t hold grudges, I forgive for my own sake, but that doesn’t mean those people have to be part of my life in any way. You don’t have to open old wounds and share things you’ve kept to yourself for so long, but in other ways, eliminating the toxic people and situations is what’s best for you, your healing and peace of mind, and to make sure no one can hurt you again, or cause the stress that comes with people who seem to have drama follow them everywhere. Be free of toxins and drama!

  19. LindaNewYork says:

    Another GREAT read! Keep ’em coming!

  20. You are a very courageous woman Mama Via. It has taken me almost 50 years to cut the ‘ties that bind’ from my aunt and uncle. My parents died in a car crash and they took me in and put a roof over my head (paid for by the state). They also separated me from my father’s family for almost 50 years. So I salute you for being strong enough to break the ties … I am still working on it and have currently got the ‘ I am elderly remember all we did for you’ stuff coming out now. Yes I remember… that’s why I have no contact with them at all. Thanks Kelli for your blog… I love reading your insights and humour. You make the dark days better with laughter. Many thanks.

    • Mama Via says:

      Rosemary, dear…I want you to try to remember the following when someone wants to send you on a guilt trip…(don’t pack your bags, let them go without you!)…a) what have you done for me LATELY? and b) the ONLY person you OWE an explanation to is the person who pays your RENT!

      Back when my son was a teen…I’d get home from a long day at work, and he would bitch at me about “what’s for dinner” or “I’m watching WRASSLIN’, don’t change the channel!”

      I repeated THIS more times than I can count, and I WISH I had a DOLLAR for every time I said it!

      This house is a DEMOCRACY! Like any good democracy, you can “buy votes”! To buy votes, you pay the rent, electric, water, garbage, cable bill, the cell phone bill, home owners insurance, car payment, car insurance, fuel bill, home owners association, taxes, medical insurance, your college tuition, books, parking fees, YOUR car payment, YOUR car insurance, YOUR fuel, YOUR prescriptions, YOUR doctor bills, YOUR clothing, YOUR shoes, YOUR shampoo, deodorant, soap, razor blades AND THE FUKKIN GROCERIES!!!!…(AND I COOK THEM ALL EVERY FUKKIN DAY!!!)

      Now, if you want more SAY, you gotta PAY! BUT….Right NOW, I’M paying ALL those things…SO..here’s the deal…IF you want to pay all those things… I will GLADLY quit work, sleep till noon and sit on my ass and watch TV all afternoon on Monday, Wednesday and Friday..AND go to school for 5 hours on Tuesday and Thursday AND get FUKKIN straight As!!! I’ll do the laundry without you asking me more than twice, I will still fold all YOUR clothes and put them away AND I’ll even take out the fukkin garbage on the same day you ask me to….oh, hell, I’ll even fukkin vacuum the flippin floor once a week!!!

      SO…UNTIL. you start paying all those bills, I am STILL fukkin DICTATOR!!! SO…shut the fukk up and let me watch a little news till it’s time for me to make dinner!!

      Oh, and one more thing…I love you, son! <3. 🙂

      Now, that probably won't help with your aunt & uncle…but it DOES put things into perspective…you've undoubtedly been supporting yourself for a long time! And..you MAY be like me…and Miss Kels…I cannot be bought! There are people that I know that kiss ass just to stay in someone's "will"…fukk that!! I've done ok all this time without an inheritance, I'm sure that I will get along fine in the future without one too…(if you want to write me in…write me in…but I am not kissin ass for it!)

      My egg donor sold her children down river because some fukkin man promised he would "leave everything" to her…well, he lived to be 90..and he didn't have SHIT left!!! And the house he promised to leave to her had a codicil…he got the house from his mother, who said he could "live in the house as long as he lived, but, it was to go to her grandchildren (his nephews) when he died! So the old nephews granted her 30 days after the old mans death to get the fukk OUT…and the will was held up by the court…(Karma is a mean bitch sometimes, huh?).

      The kicker here…was that old mans mother said she would write old man out of HER will if he ever married egg-donor (old woman knew a gold digger when she saw one). Old woman lived to be 98…so egg donor kissed old mans ass for 56 years for NOTHING!

      Truth is stranger than soap opera!

      You stick to your guns! If they ain't paying your rent…fukk 'em!

  21. Arizona Rose says:

    I totally agree that following Stabby’s breathless ‘little girl’ performance and squealing like the cat she admitted she “squeezed too hard”, Travis’s remark about her sounding like a 12 year old girl having her first orgasm seems perfectly natural. Besides, Stabby is the one who texted Travis saying “I want to fuck you like a dirty horny schoolgirl”. Yet Dr Sexpert will have us believe that Stabby, this veteran of anal sex, the introducer of KY jelly and a host of candy into her sex games with Travis was ‘unseasoned’? Puh-lease. Pass the Pistorius puke bucket. At least HE never vilified his victim as Stabby has been allowed to do.

    Dr Sexpert hones in on the pigtails and contends it’s more evidence that Travis had an interest in children. It seems she hasn’t seen the photos where Stabby, wearing pigtails, is pictured with Bobby, MANY years before she met Travis. It seems that STABBY is the one with a yen for pigtails and the ‘little girl’ look.

    She assumes that Stabby wears her cooch bare to pander to Travis’s alleged taste for under age girls. I have friends in their fifties, and who have no sex partner at all, who like to keep it bare down there as a matter of personal choice.

    Dr Sexpert says Travis’s intimacy is from the waist down…ummm, doesn’t that apply to almost all men?

    She references the sexy French maid outfit Stabby says Travis liked her to wear. You mean to tell me that a man Stabby says was a pedophile liked to see a grown woman in a sexy French maid outfit? Which is it? Pedophile or a normal young guy with a sex fantasy featuring an adult woman? Pedophiles are not wired to enjoy both. Did the outfit even exist? Why didn’t Stabby take photos of it as she did the panties and T-shirt she alleges he made her wear?

    Excuse me, I need to go empty out the puke bucket.

    • Mama Via says:

      ABSOLUTELY correct!! Either they like girls or they like WOMEN! Stabby has take some “role playing” games and twisted them (as twisted as her Einstein-y brains are!) to suit her evil/vile plans!!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Rose: Thank you, I’m glad I am not the only one. Dr. Sexperts agenda is very obviously to pick up were LaToilette left off and save poor, poor stabbykins. She is completely out of touch with the 21st century and has zero business being called as a witness.

    • Deb says:

      Arizona! What a good catch, girl…two thumbs up for you! I would love to see you right beside Juan and sling that one at the sexpert, lol ❤

      • Arizona Rose says:

        Thank you! I’m no sexpert, but even I know that Dr Sexpert is hopelessly out of touch with today’s reality. I can’t wait for Juan to cross examine her.

  22. karen30036 says:

    Juan should keep his cross short … a surgical ass kicking. Alfred E. will spend days on recross and this jury has to be fed up at this point … hell …I am, and I’m not there having to listen to this bullshit. I’m tired (as are the rest of the people following) of hearing about Stabby and Willmott giggling and tormenting the Alexander family with this character assassination. I hope and pray the Alexander family will give impact statements to JSS before sentencing, and to the murdering whore herself.
    JSS needs to move this along.

    • BlueWhiteRed says:

      Amen, Karen, I totally agree. I love Juan but if he keeps it short, and can get one good EYEROLL in, I think the jury will appreciate and tune DT out.

    • Ruthanne says:

      They did their victim impact statements already, Karen, at the end of Juan’s initial run at the jury putting on the State’s case. They only get one shot at that, to my knowledge. They were powerful and had jury members crying, but I fear they have lost their punch after all this defense BS.

  23. BlueWhiteRed says:

    My wife’s birthday is this week and I swear, I am so lucky she’s hot, SMART, her own person and not attached to my life in this Stabby version of “I Want YOUR Life!” I believe successful relationships/marriages are based on 2 independent people forming a Venn diagram. Remember those from 5th grade math? 2 circles intersect. The intersection is the common views, interests. The outsides are what keep me ME and her HER…and that’s….ok. Mrs BWR likes coffee and coffee shop reading. I like neither but I do like baseball. She’ll go spend 3 hours at Starbucks (not drinking straw fraps, haha) while I go to a game. THIS is my biggest red flag about Stabby. She never has had her OWN life/ID. I’m just ordinary IQ, but Dr DeMarte, my pin-up gal, NAILED Stabby. Right on the money. I would never consider JA hot, sexy or even a one night stand. She gloms onto a guy. Dr Lillian Glass, the body language expert, always says RUN when you hear baby girl talk. Sorry for this rant. I’m tired of hearing how hot she was, or nailing her. I was 25 once, not a bad catch, and no way would I do her. I’d use Mi Lady’s bucket as a shield. Gosh, Kels that candy store aisle? Priceless. Be careful up there and good luck. I sent box 2 on Nov 1, surely you’ll get soon?

    • Mama Via says:

      Double mega dittos!!

      My DIL…(the one who basically killed herself AND my grandbaby)…used to just HANG on my son! I would get SO disgusted by the display…it seemed as if she was throwing herself all over him just to prove to me that he “belonged” to her! (Yea, so what!)

      My DH invited my son to go “flats fishing” at this really nice place…we got a two bedroom cottage…when Son tried to tell BabyDoll that it was a GUY thing…she threw a tantrum…”Well your MOM is going!!!” So, we HAD to take her too (or Son couldn’t go!). Bedrooms were on opposite ends of the cabin…and all night long we had to listen to BabyDolls (obviously faked) lovemaking screams…son said the next day…”Mom, I just don’t know what got into her! She was insatiable last night! And I tried to tell her to be quiet, but she said that she just couldn’t HELP it!” Then all the next day “Oh, honey, you make your BabyDoll soooooo VEWY happy! I just couldn’t keep my widdle hands off that big, big, BIG pwes-ent you gave to widdle BabyDoll!! Ohhhhh!!” Oh, BARFO!!

      He had a pair of jeans that had a big light spot on his “junk”…he said, “I get so sick of it mom! It gets IRRITATING after a while…and then, she starts drinking…and then wants to get sexy with me…and she smells like a distillery! EEWWW!! How do I tell her it’s fine the first few times…but kinda like lobster, no one wants a steady diet of it!”

      I KNOW Stabbykins….cuz she and my DIL obviously went to the same Borderline Personality Disorder School for the Chronically Addicted…and got a Doctorate in Manipulation!!

      My DH and I have a Venn Diagram kinda marriage too! It works real good!! 🙂

      • Ruthanne says:

        Mama, that was good, the thing about the school and doctorate! LOL Scary that people like that are out there. I’ve always worried about who my daughters would end up with, but people with sons have to worry too.

    • Ruthanne says:

      I agree with everything you just said!

  24. BlueWhiteRed says:

    I do have one more thing to say: I just wish my pin-up gal, Dr J, waltzes in the courtroom, sexily pregnant and wafting perfume. Oh please. For me, the jury (they deserve her) and just to see Stabby get zapped by the stun gun because Dr J is/has everything her 3 week younger convict psycho doesn’t. I will slip Trial Diaries a $50,000 bribe for bootleg video of THAT! Stabby couldn’t get knocked up by TA. That just EATS at her.

    • Mama Via says:

      I wanna watch that video too!!!!

    • Ruthanne says:

      Wait BWR, is this a fact that Dr. DeMarte is pregnant? Or wishful thinking? I’d love to see that too. And hopefully we will get to watch this all after the verdict, although I think I’ll skip the sexpert days.

      • BlueWhiteRed says:

        Ruthanne, in my fantasy world, Dr J is carrying twins for me. I just want Stabby to see her if it happened. Sorry I probably started an internet rumor!

    • Ruthanne says:

      Oh I see, it’s an alternate world. OK. Well, I wish that kind of happiness for Dr. Demarte anyway. In my alternate world I am a very successful and well known writer, but one that gets to avoid the limelight, find exotic, remote places to write undisturbed, (except for the attractive men that bring me cocktails when I take a break on the warm beach), and sell many copies of my works in spite of the fact that I don’t do televised interviews or talk shows. I will be sure not to pass on any rumors. LOL

  25. shenson1209 says:

    Thanks again Kelly. I love your blogs. Thinking of and praying for you daily!

  26. Carole Harrison says:

    Hysterically funny, yet sad at the same time for poor Travis and his long suffering family.
    If a highlighter was used on all of the humour, truths, bloody annoyances by the defence, insights into motives of their approach, and reminders and links of details long forgotten….it would run dry Kelly.
    Bless the Alexander’s. Lord, I feel for them, as we all do.

    PS. Anyone who missed the draft of your book yesterday should dig it out. As with the previous chapter, it left me numb, speechless and in total awe of Your resilience and strength. Even thinking about it makes my jaw drop as to how you came through with your humour, spirit and will, not only intact, but hugely admirable.

  27. Sonia says:

    I’ll order a mug when ready. I rather like the one “anything you say can be used against you….” Sadly, that is what the defense has done to mischaracterize so much of the victim in the Stabby case.

  28. Connie Rust says:

    I agree with Karen that Juan should keep his cross short. Make his point (as only he can do) and sit down. I have said from the beginning and I’ll say it again….the most telling of all the evidence in this case (besides the crime scene photos) was that sex tape. Not so much what was said but how. That tape spoke VOLUMES as to who was manipulating who. I think the first jury saw that and I hope this one does. Off with her head I say….lethal injection be dammed!

  29. Deb says:

    Mama you are truly remarkable <3. You have a keen instinct of how to survive, yet remain a lovely, loving, human being and 'mother'.

    I totally respect you and how you described what you'd say to your son, when it was warranted.

    My mother, through no fault of her own, was a paranoid schizophrenic and made the lives of everyone around here just about unbearable. I was the oldest of three children, and the least favorite, because I wasn't pretty, didn't obey her commands blindly, and pretty much knew I had to think for myself – even at a very early age. She absolutely hated that & me sometimes – quite often, really. She was convinced people everywhere around us were trying to kill us. She used to wake me and my sister up several times a night, making us put cotton balls in our ears, too! This was to make sure that no one was "eavesdropping" on us. To this day, I can't sleep more than 2 hrs. without waking out of a sound sleep. I had her hand me an over/under shotgun and stand by an open window and was told how to shoot it – to save her from some murderers she was going after…I was too young to tell time, so she showed my the hands on the clock and said, "when this hand gets to here, shoot the gun and scream and scream until the police come." We didn't have a phone, either. I have to laugh at this scenario now…but it sure left me fucked up for years, living like this day after day. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, too. We used to get awakened in the middle of the night just about once a week, and driven to my grandmother's house in a police squad car – to keep us from being "murdered & gassed" by the "mafia" and "murder-inc."

    I swear, I used to think she was "normal" and so smart…but then as I got older, and I wasn't allowed to have friends and wasn't allowed to go to anyone's house – ever – I began to suspect that things weren't so cool with us. Once, during an argument with my dad, she threw a great, big cooking fork (the tines were about 3 inches long) into the middle of my dad's back. He dropped to his knees and we thought she had killed him. Thank God, he was able to stagger out of the house to safety.

    We didn't have too many visits from relatives, either. Once or twice a year, my mom's sister would come over with her daughters and husband – have dinner – and then they would leave. NO ONE from my dad's family EVER came around us. No wonder my dad was an alcoholic…I've been told it's a miracle I'm not one, too.

    My mom told me her favorite rhyme from childhood was "There once was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead…and when she was good – she was very, very, good. But when she was bad, she was horrid." I think she was trying to explain to me how she could say she loved me one minute, and then tell me just a few minutes later that she hated me and wished I had never been born. She would beat me and find fault with everything I did. Her punishments were so darn stupid…I had no privileges to speak of – no privacy – no outlets. One way she used to get me to comply with her BS was to not let me bathe or wash my hair…or tell me I couldn't use shampoo. That, as a teenager, used to get me picked on to no end. .I had to wear ankle socks in high school when everyone else was wearing stockings. (back in the day, girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school. It was skirts or dresses only.) I wasn't allowed to shave my legs, either. I lack self-confidence to this day in many ways…but I have also come a long way through counseling.

    I find it so healing to finally be able to tell someone other than my therapist some of the crap I lived through…you and Kelly have helped me break down that protective wall I put up around myself. Now, I really don't care if other people know my 'secrets'. I'm not ashamed any more, either. I feel like I have wonderful company with many talented and caring people here and I see more & more that I have assets and aspects of my personality that helped get me through to this point.

    About a year ago, I found out , quite accidentally, that my therapist had died. I cried off and on for the better part of the day; this really surprised me. I never felt that we had a personal connection. He was a Viet Nam medic who later became a psychologist. I went to counseling as part of the benefits of being the wife of a Viet Nam vet. The vet didn't go – so many of us wives did, but almost none of the husbands could bring themselves to do it. My ex was violent and troubled, too. He reminded me of my "home life" and I thought this violence and his unpredictable temper, along with some fetishes, were "normal". To make a long story short, when I started having suicidal ideation, Dennis (my counselor) became my link to the real world. By this time, I had two small children & I knew I couldn't leave them 'alone'.

    But I never told anyone except Dennis – until today – this much about my personal life.

    So, thank you Mama, Kelly, and all who gather here in non-judgmental fashion and send out healing, positive, energy. It certainly has helped me every bit as much as Dennis! ❤

    • Ruthanne says:

      Everyone on this site is strong and seem to have come a long way. What we all seem to have in common is perseverance. And when I start to slack off and let things keep me from moving forward, I will think of you lovely, strong people on here and not let anything hold me back. Thank you to all of you.

      • BlueWhiteRed says:

        Ditto how I feel, Ruthanne. The VA thanks Kels & all of you for helping me smile again.

      • Deb says:

        Ruthanne, ❤ !

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        Hai Ruthanne. I agree with you. We all seem to have it and it seems to me when one slips there are all the rest of us there to catch and help back up the one that needs it. I think this is a special place because of everyone here.

    • BlueWhiteRed says:

      Deb, you just made me kiss my wife and thank her for making it safe to COME HOME from the war. God bless you.

    • Mama Via says:

      Oh, Deb! So many things for me to respond to here…FIRST…on behalf of Kells, myself and everyone else here…we are honored that you trust us all enough-that you feel comfortable enough to expose your heart and your life with us…many of us know how difficult that is, how it is to fear rejection based on something of which you had no control! The most difficult thing in the world is for a child or even a young adult to be forced to deal with an alcoholic/drug dependent parent/guardian! My first step mother would take her narcotic pain relievers chased with a glass of vodka, in fact, she treated vodka AS water! Like you, I was the “sacrificial lamb” for everything “bad” that happened at home…my sister, with blond hair and big blue eyes, was “an angel”, and compliant….I tended to be more of an “independent thinker” and they tried to beat that out of me, it only made me question authority even more.

      My dad used to quote that very same poem! Have you heard the rest???
      One day she went upstairs,.When her parents, unawares,
      In the kitchen were occupied with dinner, And she stood upon her head In her little trundle-bed, And drummed her little heels against the windows! Her mother heard the noise,
      And she thought it was the boys A-playing up in the attic; But when she climbed the stair, And found our little girl up there, She took a switch and spanked her MOST EMPHATIC!! .

      I can’t read/write for very long…doing so makes my eyes tired…so, I’ll be back shortly t

      • Deb says:

        OMG…Mama! I’m glad she didn’t know or tell me the rest of that rhyme…I would have freaked out even more, lol!

      • Mama Via says:

        Was your mother from the Midwest? Born in the 20-30s? Just wondering….

        Interesting that what most of our parents did to punish all of us “back then” would be punishable NOW…my dad has a 2 foot piece of Formica, shaped like a paddle…with holes drilled into it (so there was no “air resistance” he said) that he used on our bare backsides…one time, my stepbrother was tormenting me…and I kicked him…my dad said “if you are going to act like babies, you’ll be treated like babies”..and he put us all in diapers, yes, diapers made out of table cloths…and made us sit in the front yard to “humiliate” us…so our “little friends” would see we were babies! All his BS taught me was to be more sneaky…and learn how NOT to be caught! I told my son’s ex-wife “don’t lie to me, child…because I can spot a lie a mile away!” What I DIDNT tell her was I had TOLD all those lies…to my parents who were smarter than Sherlock Holmes…the first thing you learn in detective/lawyer school is “never ask a question that you don’t know the answer to!” And that’s how my parents played it…”did you go to ____?” Nope, not me, I was in Yreka! “Are you sure? Because I have a picture proving you were there” oh, that was taken in a different month…or…are you SURE that’s me? Or well it KINDA looks like me…and then. Well, the ninjas did it…(and they would let me did the hole deeper…and let me “stew” on my lie….well, ok, it wasn’t the ninjas, I did it because I HAD to…”oh, really?” THAT was my parents!! You’d have thought that would have taught me NOT to lie…BUT…instead, I became a more logical person, I thought things out…because they would SAY you could do something (when they were drunk or high) and then FORGET that they said so…so it was EASIER to think up an excuse and lie my way out of it…because the probability that I was going to receive a beating (with either that damned paddle or the razor strop) was 100%…but, my odds were better if I lied…the odds went to a 50/50…when you give a child no REASON to lie…they won’t lie! I told my son…I can LIVE with the truth, I can’t live with a lie. So, my son tells me the truth because he KNOWS that we may have a “discussion” but the consequences are better if he is honest! Hodi lies to be able to do what she wants…and, unlike MY parents (who were mental giants even when drunk, and MEANER, too) HER parents couldn’t think their way out of a paper sack! She would lie to avoid the wooden spoon (spoon, really?) and either they didn’t CARE enough to find out the truth, or, in denial, knowing the truth, figured it wouldn’t do any good to punish her anyway…I’m guessing “dim bulb” and they just accepted her lies…”oh, ok!”
        As a result, Hodi BELIEVES anything she says won’t be questioned…she THINKS she’s a great liar…so it comes as a surprise when someone is smarter than she is, figures it out! “Gee, that picture kinda looks like me!” You are kidding, right? Rather than saying, yes, that’s me, right before I killed Travis…cause he was attacking me!” (I’m surprised she didn’t say “the ninjas photoshopped me into that picture to FRAME ME!!” But, instead, she said “well, the prosecutor has some “very convincing evidence”, but no jury in the world will convict me!”) “you have my hair from in the bathroom? Well, I LIVED there for a LONG TIME several years ago….I could have left hair then!” “Oh, a palm print? Well. You know, I cleaned that house for a LONG TIME, and I’m sure my finger prints are there…” “Oh, my palm print in blood? Probably when I was having my period, you know…” BAD, BAD LIAR!!! Now, how did I get on that topic?? Haha! More later!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Deb: It never ceases to amaze me what the human brain can decide is normal if it is exposed to it long enough. I’ve done studies on it seriously. Thank you for trusting us and this place as a safe place to talk about whatever it is that bothers you. We don’t judge, we just want to help. You matter to us.

  30. Deb says:

    Mama, I enjoyed that response so much! I used to say the same, exact thing to my sons…I can take the truth and whatever it is I’ll deal with; just don’t hand me a lie, even if it’s wrapped up nice with a pretty bow!

    I love coming here and reading everyone’s comments…some are funny, some are truly hilarious, all are uplifting, and the healing process (even though never-ending) is made easier to work through. ❤ to all the good people on here – and our most gracious hostess/blogger beyond equal Ms. Prof. Kelly!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Deb: I too love the comments section. Love to you back Deb. I love the family we have made for ourselves here. It makes me happy.

  31. Like you I find this trial a joke and the defense the court jokers , theirs expert is nothing other than a consultant for geffner assc. geffner was that one goof that was one of their expert witnesses last year !! Not sure where they dig these people up but they should leave them buried !! I love your blog your fun to read and refreshing

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