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The Never Ending Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- The Psychological Vomit Edition

You’re going to need a bigger bucket – Arizona

Hai kids, welcome to yet another edition of the trials and tribulations of Stabby Einstein and the whole entire funky bunch. Todays post is brought to you by Shirley’s House of Pain and Pleasure where their motto is “If you or someone you know has a kink, we can turn it into a mitigating factor for you.”

Since this is just kinda the way we roll now I will provide you with updates before we get into the meat of todays trial.

I am going to live. Sorry PV. I do not need a heart transplant and yes that was apparently a possibility for a while, but the docs have decided that I do not, they can fix what is broken in mine. I have something called Ebsteins Anomoly. I am going to have to have two heart valves replaced which I know sounds really scary, but sounds much less scary than a removal and replacement of my heart. The also have to do some procedure while they are in there to help with the electrical impulses in my heart. Not a pacemaker but along the same idea.

Now that we have that all taken care of, onto todays big bunch of bullshit that is the retrial that will never end.

The day began with Great Nana Dr. Sexpert back on the stand to tell some more of the story that the defense paid her to tell. Dr. Sexpert begins by saying that Travis did not see Stabby as a real person outside of the bedroom. My immediate question was since I don’t see her as a real person now, does that make me a bad person? Today Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is also getting into Travis’ so called vulgarities apparently criticizing Stabby for looking cheap. I think she left the whore part off, cheap whore sounds much more appropriate to me.

Stabby and Jenny From the Cell Block were barely aware there was a trial going on around them they were so busy whispering and giggling with each other.

Dr. Sexpert, who is an expert on the subject because she was likely there when sex was invented and may or may not have gone to pre-school with Jesus is somewhat less than believable when everything that Stabby did was okay and everything that Travis did was deviant sexual behavior. They are paying her $275 per hour to say what they want her to day and after three mind numbing day on the stand where we have learned that the sex expert doesn’t know what Jizz or a fuckbuddy is, is finally getting to the day of the murder.

Juan is objecting to everything Nurmi asks. Great Nana Dr. Sexpert says it was a vicious killing, Horrible and Juan objects to the word horrible. She keeps trying to describe the scene that day and Juan keeps objecting, I’m guessing because she wasn’t there so she has no foundation to describe the scene. Nurmi tries again. Was this murder viscious? Yes. Was it horrible and Juan objects and is sustained again on horrible. Nurmi asks how you go to sex four hours earlier to that and Juan objects and there is a sidebar. Again, just my opinion, but since the she wasn’t there refereeing, there is no foundation for her to answer the question. We sidebar right up till lunchtime. Since everyone is aware that Juan is going to be up on cross at some point in the near future the vet is quietly brought in with extra tranquilizer darts and a case of goodboy treats are deposited on the prosecution table. The vet is looking decidedly nervous since Juan has been on full snarl since trial started this morning.

After lunch Alfred E. says he has just a few more questions. Dr. Sexpert says something happened in that bathroom but she doesn’t know what because she wasn’t there to which the entire planet replied “No. Really?” Nurms tried to wrap everything into a nice tidy this all happened because of abuse bow while a snarling and snapping Juan objected to everything through the muzzle that was about to be removed.

She says that what happened in that bathroom was Psychological vomit. Now there is a catch phrase for an office pamphlet. We specialize in psychological vomit. I know I’d want her for my paid expert. I got some vomit for ya, you crazy old bat. This by the way is Great Nana Dr. Sexpert. great nana Dr. Sexpert 2 She looks a lot more like an expert in mahjong than in deviant sexual behavior.  My lawyer emailed me about 3 hours ago and all it said was HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sex expert. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Flores quickly removed the muzzle and threw himself backwards while the vet aimed and fired. The first dart hit home but we won’t know for a few minutes if it is having the desired effect.

The dart didn’t work. “When her father smacked her across the back of the head and she yelled “FUCK YOU BILL” would you call that suffering in silence like you have been alluding too? Suddenly Great Nana Dr. Sexpert didn’t look quite so comfortable on the stand. Nurmi of course objects to everything. At one point I think he may have objected to his own objection.

Juan asks about a transcript of an interview with Carl. Dr. Sexpert says she never reviewed that transcript. Juan then barked out who is Carl. Dr. Sexpert answered (and I’m not making this up) Stabby’s Father. Once he was done laughing Juan said no, it’s her brother and then he said (you stupid useless bitch) in that tone only other dogs can hear.
Juan is demanding yes or no answers and Dr. Sexpert seems to think she doesn’t have to provide them. I guess she didn’t see what mincemeat LaToilette looked like and it looks like she may be headed in the same direction. He wants to know if she reviewed all the documents and she seems unsure and then he did it. He asked Dr. Sexpert if she was having problems with her memory and I laughed till I almost fell out of my chair.

It has been under 20 minutes and Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is beginning to crack like a walnut. A really, really old walnut. Nurmi of course is trying to do damage control and asked for a sidebar I would assume to let his expert collect herself. Good luck with that Nurms. Your expert is not prepared.

Sidebar is over and it would seem that Dr. Sexpert is anxious to spar with the mighty pit bull. Maybe it was all the talk of sexual deviance that didn’t exist that got Great Nana Dr. Sexperts juices flowing but she was definitely ready to roll around with Juan for a bit and Juan was every bit as ready to make her his bitch. And he proceeded to do just that. Juan asks a question, she tries to dance and it is that moment that sometimes Judge Stephens remembered that she is indeed sometimes a Judge and ordered Dr. Sexpert to answer. The good Doc seemed less than amused that she was not allowed to continue to offer complete dissertations instead of yes or no answers. Stabby was in deep discussions with Jenny from the Cell Block probably telling her she better get a leash on this expert or she was gonna get Stabbied. Juan got her to admit that she flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend and was not the stable slice of happy that Dr. Sexpert was trying to make her out to be.

Juan is now showing Dr. Sexpert a whole shit ton of papers that she has never seen. I’m SHOCKED. They all say that Stabby is a sociopath. Dr. Sexpert had no idea. It was a beautiful moment. She also has no idea at what point Stabby and Travis became a couple. Silly little facts that are maybe kind of important. She finally just agreed to go with 2007. YAY we’ve made progress. Juan actually had to prod her by asking if she watched the 48 hrs program. Dr. Sexpert said yes. Juan said do you recall her saying the date that they started dating? She said she vaguely remembered something like that. Pesky damn details anyway.

Dr. Sexpert didn’t feel that Stabby’s admitted violent streak, you know the one where she kicked holes in walls, smashed mirrors, maybe strangled a cat and disappeared a dog were not important facts to consider after a vicious murder. She outright admitted that Stabby’s anger issues had no bearing on her opinion on the case. (and then Jenny had someone wheel some more money out to Dr. Sexperts car) She said that Travis was the poisonous ingredient in the relationship and Stabby being a violent sociopath had nothing to do with it.

Juan asked if she was a mind reader for trying to answer questions before they are asked. She said she wished which of course is the totally professional thing to say in answer to that question.

Juan jumped slightly forward as another tranquilizer dart was successfully deployed and then continued with his questioning although he did seem to mellow just a little. He wanted to know if she knew the secret. She was rendered speechless. Of course he was referring to the Secret that Stabby adhered to that was in the notes that Dr. Sexpert had obviously not read.

Nurmi had a very bad day objection wise. He got overruled almost every time. Ahhhh, they must have had a lovers quarrel. Dr. Sexpert admits that all the info she went by was provided by the defense because that is who she was hired by.

Juan then put up the text about how she was getting her cooch waxed so it would be nice and smooth and asked Great Nana Dr. Sexpert which one of them instigated that particular email and poor Dr. Sexpert had to concede that it was the totally not seasoned stabbykins.

Court was dismissed till Monday at 9:30 am and we have a hearing about Nurmi’s evidence tampering tomorrow. YAY!! It would be so cool if he conducted the rest of his trial from closed circuit television from a prison cell.

That is it for tonight kids. Have a great night and I will C U 2morrow if I get anything about the hearing.

RBMD Peacing the fuck out.

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56 Responses to The Never Ending Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- The Psychological Vomit Edition

  1. Great news on not needing a heart transplant. Sending you tons of positive thoughts for a quick recovery!!

    Your blog today? I was laughing so hard my husband asked me what was so funny. Nana Sexpert went to preschool with Jesus. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I loved everything you posted today but that line was my favorite.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai K-Dub: Thank you and YAY!! When somebody has to ask what is funny that is a good blog day.

  2. tammy says:

    well I never needed Depends in my life till reading your blog, but I am going for the big box lol I can’t stop crying or laughing at you. My make up is in the floor, and I’m sitting on a heavy duty towel as I try to write to you tonight. Only our Kelly could think of this stuff ” Pre school with baby Jesus” and really old old walnut, and since she wasn’t ther refereeing hahahahaha Well its just more than I can take. Was so glad to hear you felt a little better today, if it helps we will do all the laughing for ya. what ever you decide on the cups is ok with me, as long as your ok thats all that matters! This was so good tonight I going to read again. Thanks….

  3. Connie Rust says:

    Excellent blog as usual Kelly! I may be off to the ENT before this is over from all the pop spilling out of my nose these days….not to mention the fortune I’m spending in stain remover for my shirts. I may buy stock in the company that makes Shout. I have to say if I was sitting in that courtroom I would not be able to keep a straight face thinking about what you would have to say about the day’s events. I do have 1 question….does sometimes JSS get a prize for the number of sizzle bars in a given day in her courtroom? I assume she must; otherwise she would just say NO when Alfred E demands to approach. She can do that right? I wonder if the total amt of time spent in sidebars outnumbers the amt of time the skank spent on the stand in the first trial.
    When the muzzle came off the dog today I literally jumped out of my chair in excitement. Oscar was asleep on the couch and he came up snarling with his teeth showing….I think he was trying to mimic Juan. He paid close attention during the first trial…..
    Sounds like u’r getting prepared for u’r surgery. Do u know how long u will be in the hospital? Will u go some place to recover when you are released or do u have someone to stay with u when u get home? I’m sure the first few days will be tough. My advice….just stay on the couch in a drug induced euphoria lol. Sending good vibes your way.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Connie: Sorry about the stain remover. Maybe a bib? I wonder sometimes how long it would take me to get kicked out of court because of the way my mind works. I see funny things everywhere. I can’t help it. I would be a lot of fun at funerals (if I went outside and shit) Drug induced euphoria sounds like fun, I might try it out. No idea, but not long. When the province is paying your tab, they kick you quick. They will keep me long enough to make sure i’m not gonna throw a clot and give me the boot. I will probably get a home nurse for a while though.

      • Connie Rust says:

        Bibs…that’s the ticket! I have a drawer full of bibs. My mom spent a year in a nursing home b4 she died 2 yrs ago (step-mom but still mom). She used to swipe the bibs they put on her and make me bring them home. I’m not sure why she thought I needed them…maybe she knew something I didn’t lol. She’s probably up there right now saying “see I told u those bibs would come in handy.” It was futile to argue with her so I brought them home and put them with the juice glasses and lap quilts she also thought I couldn’t live without. I had to carry a tote bag on my daily visits. Since I always took the dogs with me I guess everyone thought I had doggie stuff in the tote bag. After she died I took the glasses and quilts back to them but something made me keep the bibs lol.

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        Maybe I should have bibs printed with the logo ROFLMAO!!

  4. Thank you for your great blog tonight! You do have a way with words, I’ll give that tho you! Nana Sexpert got me going butt the old walnut took the cake! I couldn’t believe Nana Sexpert said she didn’t take into account Stabby’s anger issues. WTF did she take into account? Oh Travis was so mean and abusive, for telling Stabby she ess evil and rotten. Give me a break! Everyone sees Stabby for her ugly evil self but this sexpert is in the clouds somewhere. Of course our bulldog pulled her out of them and spanked her for not having evidence except for what was given by defense. Oh that’s not being biased at all. Well I got that out so thanks again and hoping you go through your surgery with flying colors. Rest and take it easy until then.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Smurfette: you are so welcome. Thank you for reading. I’ll be fine. No worries, I got this.

  5. HarleyGirl says:

    Kelly, I am glad they found you health problems and am happy to hear they can fix it. I am still going to worry and pray for you. I will feel better when you are home and up and around. I also am happy you have a support system to help you.
    Today was an awesome day because Fr. Formica got to feel what it was like to take it up her ass and she can probably compare notes with stabby now. I think stabbys’ meat curtains are as leathery as Dr. Formicas’ skin! I don’t think stabby will be smiling much longer. I am sure willy and wormi are feeling like WTF did I get myself into…oh yeah this pays big bucks! Maybe with all this money wormi is raking in he can get a real office instead of his current home office! I hope JSS grows some balls over the weekend and stops wormis’ bullshit so the trial moves on. Yay Juan!!!

    Take Care sweet Kelly

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      hai Harley: Me too. I am gonna be fine. I got this. Today was a great day. Sometimes Judge doesn’t care enough to grow a pair. Have a great night, thanks for reading.

  6. Vona says:

    OMG, I just love your sense of humor. I despise the F word and yell at my boys all the time for saying it. Yet, when you say it, I just love it when you use it. You turn it into something that actually makes sense!!! Great Blog………….Love you!!!
    P.S…..Don’t tell my boys!!!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Vona: Welcome to the comment section. I personally love the F word, in all of its iterations. Every time I think there cannot possibly be another way to use it, I find another way. So, thank you I will take that as high praise indeed. Thanks so much for reading and I promise, your secret is safe with me.

  7. Alice Girard says:

    hey kelly….now that i have finished cleaning up the mess that is the area that surrounds me….it was all sticky from shit i spit out while reading your blog. have to give the area a good disinfecting every 2 days. i was watching the tweets today and actually felt my heart start racing when nurms said he only had a couple more questions. could it really be time for mr. martinez? yup sure as shit here he comes out of the gate with the fuck you bill. another spitting moment (dayum what happened to kodak moments?). i await monday like a kid waits for xmas…sigh. so happy to hear that with somewhat of a tune up you are going to be okay. best news i had all day. be a good patient and do as the docs say. just think ahead a bit…..spring,,stabby is on death row,the tulips are in bloom and you are feeling like a million and change.

    i am for the 20 dollar mug. i just broke my rte. 66 mug so this could not come at a better time as i was trying really hard to decide what to get myself for xmas. not only are you blogger extrododinaire but you are a problem solver as well.

    take care Kelly.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Alice: Sorry bout that, I recommend maybe a drop cloth or something. I know I started leaning forward in my chair as soon as I knew Juan strikes were imminent. Thanks, I’m pretty relieved I’m not having an engine replacement myself. That right there is some scary shit to hear. I’m a terrible patient, but I will try and be good. I am so full of anxiety being out of my comfort zone, I don’t like being physically touched, I’m argumentative and I fucking hate jello. Soon as I get the mugs in I will let everyone know. I’m glad though, I hated the cheaper one, it was smaller, the ceramic wasn’t as good and I didn’t want to put my RBMD on it, so I am pretty happy that everybody wants the good one.

  8. Hi Kelly! I’m new to your blog and I’m enjoying it immensely!! First congrats on getting “better” news from your Dr. NOT needing a heart transplant? Everything after that, is just gravy! Plus, your surgeon AND nurses read your blog? HUMANS? You ARE a lucky girl! Your spin on today’s proceeding was the best thing I’ve seen since Nurmi stole the cameras away from us. I was several beats behind because I got stuck on the tweet, where the Sexpert said that Travis’ need for oral, vaginal and anal sex was unconventional and deviant. I was thinking–what the hell else, IS there? Did she just condemn the entire human race and every beast ON Earth? Then I remembered. She was part of the crowd that cheered LaViolette on, when SHE lied for the court–her, um, BOOKCLUB! If Laviolette was Snow White and the seven dwarfs, then the Sexpert is definitely Goldilocks and the three bears. SHE thought Martinez, spoke too soft. Nurmi accused him of YELLING, all the REST of us thought he was just RIGHT. Kelly,I wouldn’t worry about getting a guest blogger. You have to remember that EVENTUALLY we’ll get to see all of this broadcast, somewhere. You can pick it up and “interpret” it for us and not miss a beat. As a retired nurse, I believe that laughter really is the BEST medicine. If you’re in need of it, read your OWN stuff. The best!!!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Margaret: Welcome to the comment section of the program. Thank you so much. I am hugely relieved about the whole not having a heart transplant thing. Where the fuck would they ever find another lion heart like this one, except maybe out of an actual lion and I don’t want anybody hurting a lion for me. There was one part and I can’t remember now where I actually though oh here we go, OH I know, it was when she said Travis was the poisonous ingredient and of course my mind immediately went to a witch cooking up a poisoned apple in the forest. I may donate this thing to science when I’m done with it, the things that go on in here. I have actually made myself pass pop through my own nose at some of the stuff I write.

  9. Laura hickey says:

    I’m a new fan of yours and I greatly look forward to your blogs! Your personal courage and strength, as well as your writing skills and unique humor makes this the best blog I’ve ever read!!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Laura: Welcome to the comment section. Thank you so much for the kind words. That really makes me feel fantastic. There are like 113 or 114 postings on here now, you can hit the calendar thingy by month and it will take you there. Thanks so much for reading. Hope to see you in the comments again.

  10. Connie Rust says:

    The $20 mug gets my vote too. Let me know how/when to pay you.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Connie: As soon as I physically have them I will let everyone know. Should be about 10 days according to the supplier. I can’t wait personally, I think they are going to be amazing.

  11. Valerie Bachelier says:

    I only found you a couple of weeks ago, but I’m so glad I did, and I wish I’d found you sooner! I love your flair for language, and totally enjoy seeing the picture you paint with your words! And if my vote counts, I’d agree with the $20 mug. Be well until your surgery, and then be “weller”. Love you bunches !!!!!!!!!!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Valerie: Welcome to the comment section. I love be weller, that is something I would say. So if you click on the calendar thingy on the right hand side of the blog, you can read all the old posts right to the beginning of the first trial. Thanks so much for reading.

  12. Jodi J. says:

    You, my dear, outdid yourself today. This blog was AWE-SOME! My favorite lines were “Juan has been on full snarl” and “Flores quickly removed the muzzle and threw himself backwards”. lol! I’m sure everyone perked up in the courtroom when Juan got up.

    I’m so glad that you just need an overhaul and not a replacement. Woo Hoo!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Jodi. YAY!!! It’s the mental picture of poor Esteban undoing a muzzle and throwing himself backwards so he doesn’t get bitten that does it for me. Can’t wait for Monday. As for the overhaul, you and me both. Thanks for reading.

  13. hbbeachbun says:

    HAHAHAHAHA still LMAO. Love reading your blog.
    I am keeping you at the top of my prayer list until your surgery is complete and you are healed and back on your feet 100%.
    Love the $20 mug and will be ordering one when they are available.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai HB!! How’s things? YAY!!!! Thanks. I appreciated it. Good thoughts can definitely not hurt. I know I will be okay, with the shit I’ve been through, this is nothing but a small annoying blip on my radar. Of course I won’t be tired all the time anymore, and I will start getting the correct amount of oxygen to my brain again and I won’t be wrestling for every damn word which is the thing that is driving me crazy. I honestly thought I was getting alzeimers before I saw the doctor. I swear to god I was trying to figure out how to tell you all I was going to have to shut it down because I had early onset alzeimers so this is almost fall down and thank god good news. Could there be any worse fate for a writer than that? I would rather be burned alive I think. True statement. Thanks for continuing to read and comment. I love the comments. They let me know I am doing my job properly. Talked to the printer today, who needs to talk to my logo designers as they are having a slight difference of opinion on what exactly defines lavender but other than that should be about 10 days. I will let you all know. Have a great day. If nurmi goes to jail today I will of course let you all know……once I”m down celebrating with poptarts and I may even break out the good ginger-ale.

  14. Another FANTASTIC blog that I thoroughly enjoy reading. You are without a doubt, the best and funniest writer ever.
    Thank you for all the hard work you do and the time you take to write this blog.
    I sincerely hope that your surgery and treatment goes well and that it’s an easier then expected recovery for you! I’ll be keeping you in my prayers.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Starshine!! YAY!! Aww, thank you so much. Surgery is going to be easy peasy and I’m gonna be fine but yes please keep me in your thoughts, every little bit helps. Thanks for continuing to read and comment and if I am down for a bit during surgery I fully expect a guest blog from you!! You are a great writer, so write dammit. Doesn’t have to be about Stabby, hopefully stabby will be rotting in the SHU by then, write about whatever, but I want to see a guest blog from you. No pressure though ROFLMAO!!

  15. Arizona Rose says:

    Congratulations on another great blog, Kelly! You manage to make me roar with laughter while describing everything that went down at court. One thing… in the future, how will I know if PV stands for Psychological vomit or Pig Vomit?

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Rose: PV will ALWAYS be pig vomit. I will write the other one out long hand if I ever have to use it, although they are pretty interchangeable really. Kinda like jizz is just jizz. YAY!! Thanks for reading.

  16. Deb says:

    First things first: I want the $20 “fuck” mug. Now that that’s out of the way…”…preschool with baby Jesus…” had me in stitches!!! And your idea for an office brochure about ‘psychological vomit’ is priceless – along with the added comments 🙂 Another thing, I think Arizona Rose has a valid point about the PV issue…they are sorta’ interchangeable, no?!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Deb. I promise as soon as they get here I will let everybody know. YAY!! I think I should just go ahead and design a whole office brochure for possible defense experts. It would be helpful don’t you think? I like to be helpful. Still waiting to see if Nurms just goes ahead and uses the closing argument I wrote him. Yeah they are sorta interchangeable, but for the sake of clarity PV will still be pig vomit. Thanks for reading.

  17. Owlie says:

    Expert in Mahjong. lmao. She is just Latoilette no. 2 Nothing more. I’m thrilled you only need a tune up and not a full engine replacement! At least your healing time will be reduced. You will probably feel like a million bucks when it’s over.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Owlie!!!!! Hai!! I feel like a million bucks knowing its just my heart and not my brain. Because of the oxygen deprivation because my heart isn’t working right I have been having a bastard of a time finding words. I though I was getting early onset alzheimers. Scared the shit out of me. This is just a little blip on the radar. Thanks for reading and glad I am still making you laugh.

  18. achmelvichcastle says:

    how do I buy the mug? Kelly, hands down, your blog is the best. Love your writing! BTW, my father had 2 open heart surgeries, it kicks your ass, but the heart surgeons and rehab people are wonderful! They will all help you bounce back. You probably have Scottish stock like I do, so that gives you that stubborn edge to get through the tough shit.
    You have summed up Juan’s cross so deliciously…. I can’t even express how I love your writing.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Achmelvichcastle: Soon as they are in I will let everyone know. Should be about 10 days or so. Thanks so much. I love writing it. Yup 100 percenter here, Scots born and bred, I know I will be fine. I’m glad you found it and I’m glad you are still reading. Have a great day.

  19. KarlaMNL says:

    Great news on your health Kelly although I’m sure the wicked witch blog hag is crying in her wheaties it was about freakin time Juan had a go at dr feletio even reading tweets about Nurbert is one great big snooze fest I’m looking forward to todays Defense deflecting excuse and you can bet your sweet bippy I want the nicest mug (cheques in the mail ) Love ya girlfriend stay safe and warm and keep up the good work you big silly lol

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      KarlaMNL: Hai. Yes I am sure there was a moment of silence over there that I was not about to drop dead. I will let you know as soon s the mugs come in, should be about 10 days. Thanks for reading and for commenting. I like to know I am doing my job well.

  20. Tyla says:

    I want the $20 mug – do I mail you a check (or do you want a money order) now or is there an order form that needs to be filled out …. let me know.

    Another GREAT read – I do so enjoy your writing. You Kelly make this awful, drawn out circus train wreck of a trial so much more enjoyable. If I didn’t have your blog to read I think this trial would put me in the hospital for high blood pressure, so again thank you for making me laugh.

    So glad to hear your heart will stay intact – you’ll feel so much better after the valve’s are replaced. My mom (at age 54, now she’s 83) had 2 valves replaced and she felt great and had so much more energy and still does. I swear she will out live me 🙂 So enjoy the down time, look at it as a time to catch up on reading – TV – talks with friends and just relaxing and hanging with your beloved animals without interruptions. We are NOT going anywhere so take your time healing and when you do continue your blog we’ll be right where you left us …… HERE ❤

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Tyla: I will let you know as soon as they get here and I will send them out once I get addresses and stuff. I know I’m gonna be fine, this is just an annoying little blip on my radar. Thanks so much. I don’t think I will be down long. I love doing this more than anything, so maybe it will help me heal up faster.

  21. Christine says:

    Great work yet again Kelly dear. Thank you so much for bringing laughter to this crazy. I wish I could tell you what was my favorite line here, they all were a great laugh lol Glad to hear things are not AS serious as first thought with your health, but you remain in my prayers and thoughts. And I will go for the $20 mug as well 🙂

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Christine: Thank you so much. I get so much happiness from making you all laugh. I’m pretty glad about it myself truth be told. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I will take all the good energy I can get.

  22. karen30036 says:

    Alfred E objecting to his own objections … OMG I fell out. Another great post.

  23. Mama Via says:

    Hi honey! I’ve been busy having one of those lifetimes! Let me tell you..there is NOTHING WORSE than trying to remember a word! I can remember the definition, the essence if the word, underlying meanings and even the damned first letter…but damned if I can remember the word…then I get my mental thesaurus going…and try to think of a word that MEANS the same thing….OMG! Every damned sentence! No wonder it takes me so long to get a letter out! I don’t even have a good reason like YOU DO! Add to that that I have ADD, and my brains are thinking faster than my finger can type, I miss important points…gods I hate being old! My next life I’m going to be young and beautiful, instead of so damned old and intelligent! NO one EVER said “God, you give great BRAIN! I LOOVE YOU!” (Actually one guy DID tell me one that he “was rich enough to have a beautiful girlfriend/wife; that he didn’t have to “settle” for someone that looked like ME!” At that point, by the way, I excused myself from the table to go to the “ladies room”…walked out to my car and LEFT with a “fuck you” on my lips!”) now, see how I am? It’s that “stream of consciousness” thing I battle! ADD!

    Now, I will tell you a secret as to how to get thru ANY FUKKING THING…I KNOW this will work for you as well as it works for me! ANY time I have to face one of life’s obstacles…when it is at its UGLIEST, the DARKEST…I tell myself…”this is no biggie, I’ve survived worse!” (And I remember the day that I buried my dad, sister & nephew…THAT was the WORST…and the world didn’t stop spinning!). The world didn’t stop spinning when my vehicle was repo’d, or when my home was foreclosed and I was left homeless, or any of the days I was hungry….the sun kept coming up…and somehow I survived…(as a matter if fact, I just got my first credit card…in my OWN name! Yeah!)

    So, as you go forward with getting your “aftermarket” parts…focus on how much better you will feel when it’s over! And in the tough moments; that you’ve endured worse! Sending you love and strength, my dear friend!

    Mama

    • Deb says:

      Mama, you are so. damn. cute, ADD and all! ❤ Plus, you have a great sense of humor, plus you are strong & brave like our Kelly. ❤ to you both, lovies ❤

    • Connie Rust says:

      Mama..I used to call my grandma senile when she couldn’t remember a word and OMG now I’m doing it! It is so frustrating! I hate getting old. Been trying to quit but no luck yet.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Mama: Was thinking about you today wondering if you were having one of your days. I swear to you mama, I thought I was in the throws of early onset Alzheimers. It was a relief to find out it was just my heart not sending enough oxygen to my brain. Can you imagine any worse fate for a writer than losing your vocabulary. I know that secret Mama, I have survived worse. A thousand times and I am still standing. I’m not even overly concerned. I have a great doctor who I trust and nothing as silly as some little heart problem is going to take me out after all the rest of the shit I have lived. No way. Aftermarket parts. ROFLMAO now that is funny. Thank you so much for your support Mama, it means the world to me.

      • Nother goddam good article, Kelly! You are going to be blowing all kinda cola out your nose when you get updated on what took place today with the hearing.

        The Webbitch is loose again on twitter, all exclamation points and raving in delirium about how the def computer forensic guy Brian Nuemeister “owned Juan” today. They are NUTS. The Twitter Twot has her followers convinced that it was the state who knowingly deleted 100s of 1000s of porn files.

        Okay, first: Who in the hell has time to download or search for that shit in such high number?? The number is ridiculous.

        Juan said that he was going to prove that Nue broke the computer. My money is on Juan. Pretty sure Nue will be sorry he ever met Juan come Dec. 4.

        And no one could believe how this guy was talking to Juan. It was quite a circus today. from WildAboutTrial’s twitter:

        B= Brian Nuemeister
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~
        Witness B walks over to shakes #jodiarias hand & smile at her!
        THIS ASPECT OF TRIAL IS POSTPONED UNTIL 12/4/14: AT 9:30AM – State does not have exact copy of hard-drive. Juan wants raw data.
        B going out of his way to confuse Juan with different software used to search TA’s tech.
        This is literally the craziest day we’ve seen since the penalty phase started.
        Juan says he will present evidence that B broke computer, B responds, “That’s just slimy!” X 2!!!
        “I just couldn’t believe what I found compared to the testimony, it just didn’t make sense.” -B doesn’t understand computers.
        I CAN’T BELIEVE THE WAY THIS WITNESS IS TALKING TO JUAN.
        B tells Juan that he thinks he’s trying to distract from fact that there are thousands of porn hits & his team said there were 0.
        B is arguing with Juan Martinez. He just told him that he thought Juan’s questions are IRRELEVANT.
        ~~~~~~~~~~~
        Kelly, does Nue approaching JA like that kind of impeach his character?

        Okay, have a good weekend everyone and rest up, Kelly!

    • Hey Mama, same here! I turned 60 in May. Having to go thru a number of statins to treat high cholesterol were a big part of this, if no the major culprit. Word to the wise: avoid statins if at all possible. They kill your brain. I did some research and actually found an article titled “Statins Kill The Brain.” No kidding. Nothing worse for a writer.

      It has come back in spurts, enough to not leave me feeling panicky, and I am going to start writing again.

      Have been where you are, Mama. We rock!!

    • Hey Mama, I replied to you but posted it in wrong place. Scroll down to see it.

  24. BlueWhiteRed says:

    Kels, I wonder if Dr Sexperv, Dr Fog and Not Dr Lavatory eat dinner at 1600, watch Wheel and Fortune (for their lacking retirement funds) while Juan chills with Tequila and the “Evelyn Wood Speed Reading Home Version?” So glad you know your diagnosis! Please add your docs and nurses to this family you DO have. And thanks for such a great way to face today. You give and give. Please know our care, prayers, laughter and sharing the blog with others, titled “NSFW” (!) are our non-tangible ways of giving back. As my Argentine Wife would say, “Buena suerta por tu corazon.” Y yo, tambien. Semper Kel….BWR on the USS RBMD.

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