Hai Kids. You know, it’s nice to be nice once in a while and try and stretch out an olive branch and all that happy peace on earth good will towards men stuff. I do however feel rather remiss as your law professor/Dean of fuckery/Queen of Mean/ possible supreme ruler of the universe. You will have to forgive me. It is a lot of hats that I wear and I get them all confused sometimes. You know, like how some people get confused that they are still 21 and gorgeous. Like that. Now, my palace is just a run down old farm house in the middle of nowhere and I don’t pretend that it isn’t. I owe back taxes on it but you know what? When I was still normal I worked hard, I bought it at the age of 19 all by myself and I paid it off all by myself. It’s old, and it need a makeover badly, but the dogs and cat at least keep it from becoming a rat haven so there is that. I do have a complete law library (my lawyer is constantly shipping me cartons of law books) in hopes that even now I might somehow be able to fulfill what he considers to be my destiny. I also study science so I can be all Einstein-y and shit, and I bet I can write an amicus brief better than Jenny from the Cell Block. When I am not busy doing that I have taken up a new hobby. I am now making tinfoil hats to send to each and every one of the stabby/mormonmafia/skateboardninjafrapuccinogang/juan Martinez is a bad man because he wins/ conspiracy theorists. We can read their thoughts because planetary alignment or radio waves or because I have a contract of indentured servitude with my in house psychic who the fuck knows.
Here in a nutshell is what I know. I will type slowly in hopes that the fucktards that still think stabby is going to magically be freed in the next 8 days might get it.
1. Stabby, your patron saint of debauchery(look it up stabbyites I don’t have time to spoon feed you this) has been CONVICTED OF FIRST DEGREE PREMEDITATED MURDER.
2.Stabby is eligible for the death penalty. Now nurms can write motions till he gets carpal tunnel syndrome and that is NOT going to change the fact that she is DP eligible. And if you think that you aren’t starting to piss off the jury with all these stall tactics then you sir are an idiot.
3.Stabby is a fucking liar. How do we know? Her mouth is moving. I bet she lies about what she has for breakfast. We certainly know she lies about being starved to death by good ole sheriff Joe. How’s that lawsuit coming Stabby? Just wondering.
4.Stabby is what I like to call a weasel. Have you ever seen a weasel. Vicious little things. Kind of like ferrets but with rabies and their period all at the same time. Weasels will go into a chicken coop and they will kill a bird and eat it. Then just for the fuck of it they will kill every other bird in the coop. I guess so there aren’t any witnesses. Kinda like tossing a camera in the washing machine. A weasel would do that.
5.Stabby thinks that the whole entire world is dumber than her (and that ladies and gents says a lot). We have I wasn’t there, and then two American ninjas did it and then not only did the ninjas do it but as luck would have it the gun misfired and the one with the knife forgot how to use it and I grabbed my purse and ran. Because a purse at that point would be so important. Then, I killed Travis in self defense. Because he said mean things to me and I didn’t like it. He called me a fucking whore. Because you were a fucking whore. I’m a fucking blonde. Deb is my fucking star student. Mama is a fucking great story teller. You see where I am going with this? It all means NOTHING.
6.Now she has her brother in on the action. He has signed a statement that was read into the record that Stabby mom did indeed beat not just stabby but now both of them with a wooden spoon and Dad of stabby had paddles with their names emblazoned on them (but those never got used). It is AMAZING how the story is evolving to suit her new idea of mitigation.
7.Speaking of mitigation. When are we going to see some. you don’t get to claim the PTSD you (doubtfully have) that you got from killing a guy. Mommy hit you with a spoon. Poor muffin. My dad shot me and I didn’t kill anybody.
8.Geffner is a wash. He has pretty much completely swung his entire testimony and it’s a damn shame the jury isn’t going to find that out till after. He did however make that fairly large goof and call Stabbykins a psychopath. That would be one of the only truthful statements of the “paid experts” thus far.
9.Juan is going to turn him into steak tartar. JUST. LIKE. LAST. TIME.
10.Alfred E. is gonna go to the supreme court. Bless his heart. He probably had the motion already written so he could get it in in time for Christmas bonus dividends as Christine Beswick said.
11.I am sick of the eleventybillion tweets a day that Stabby is innocent
12.I am completely pissed off at the ones saying Travis deserved it because he hurt poor muffins feelings.
13.Porngate turned into nothinggate just like I said it would. Unless you are PV. In that case Juan bad, prosecutorial misconduct blah, fucking blah.
14.I will be very happy when Stabby is stuck in a shu somewhere awaiting her ultimate punishment, whatever that may be.
15.There is no way in hell that LWP is even a remote possibility. LWOP is the very best that she is going to do.
16.Walmart never loses anything EVER.
17.This trial is likely to drag out well into the middle of 2015 and if Nurmi really goes to the supreme court (and he will) maybe longer.
18.That could present us with a mistrial and that would probably be the best thing all the way around. Stabby gets LWOP and goes away and we all get to start ragging on some other trial.
There, that feels better. I feel like my old self again.
A very good friend of mine told me today “meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.” I say fuck dragons.
RBMD peacing the fuck out.
Fucking Dragons. Please donate to my I don’t want to die of hypothermia or be eaten by a dragon fund. All donations are greatly appreciated.