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Yes I’m Still Sick, So a Guest Blog From Mama Via.

OMFG just kill meeeeeeee. I HATE THIS FLU!! My Bedroom

Since I think this may be bubonic plague or ebola or  something, here is Mama Via and I’m going back to bed.  I love you all, but man this is a killer flu.

 

Why people with Borderline Personality Disorder are Fukkin Crazy and Why The AntiSocial Personality doesn’t Give a FUK!
The first degree I attempted was in “Anthropology”…but, after my dad died in an auto accident, I realized I needed to get an education in something a little more immediately lucrative…there weren’t many ads in the paper that read “Anthropologist Wanted”!  My second attempt at higher education was in “Childhood Education”…until I realized I would be nothing but a glorified babysitter to a bunch of someone else’s undisciplined brats…and the school had this crazy law that you couldn’t “beat some sense” into those little fukkers!  So, I changed to “Special Education”…during my “student teaching” stint, I was placed in a classroom with SEVERELY abused children, children with no shoes or socks, children with bruises, cuts and contusions, children who would wet their pants in fear every afternoon when it was time to go home, children with limps, lisps and stutters, children so traumatized they couldn’t or wouldn’t speak…after 13 weeks, I decided “special education” was not a viable career field for me!  So, my third attempt was to train as an Accountant…you must remember that this was all when a “computer” was only owned by the Government, were the size of a large warehouse, and the “operator” fed it punch cards…all so it could print out a spreadsheet!  In Accounting I, II and III, your handwriting made up 40% of your grade!  After I finished my degree and became a “contributing member of society”, I realized that although I was able to support my son and myself in my earnings, “Accounting” was too restrictive for my more “artistic” temperament, so I continued taking college classes…I worked in an Art degree and an Abnormal Psychology” degree. (I’ve always been drawn to Abnormal Psychology…ever since Igor gave Young Frankenstein “Abby somebody’s” brain…(Abby who?  Abby Normal, I think!  Yes, that’s it! Abby Normal!)) And then, my final degree was in “Architectural and Interior Design”.  The wonderful thing about being a professional student is that you become a bit of a “Jill-Of-All-Trades” and everyone wants you on their team during a game if Trivial Pursuit because of the wealth of “Useless Information” held between your ears! Because if my age, I am now able to attend the University of North Florida for FREE, as long as I don’t want to matriculate! (How was that, for a $10 word?)
So, without further ado, I now present:
PSYCHIATRIST: FIVE CENTS PLEASE
First, we will discuss BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD)
BPD is ACTUALLY called “Emotional Unstable Personality Disorder” but it’s easier to say BPD than it is to remember EUPD, although, in Stabbikins case, EUPD is a better definition!
The essential features of EUPD is a “pattern of marked impulsivity and instability of affects, interpersonal relationships and self-image.” (is anyone but me hearing “jodi arias” in those words?)  Symptoms include (intense) fear of abandonment, intense anger and irritability which friends and family have difficulty understanding.  The person diagnosed with EUPD will often “engage in idealization and devaluation of others,, alternating between high positive regard and great disappointment.”  Other symptoms include: out of control emotions, unstable interpersonal relationships, impulsivity accompanied by depression, anger and anxiety, feeling stressed and severe dissociation.
Those suffering with this disorder have INTENSE emotions, both positive and negative. They are highly sensitive; slights are magnified, and overwhelming, they feel GRIEF instead of sadness, HUMILIATION instead of embarrassment, RAGE instead of annoyance, feel VICTIMIZED easily, and feel intense pain with the smallest criticism. Feelings of LOVE become deeper more quickly and persist LONG after a relationship has ended, but fear of abandonment (and need to control) keeps them from “letting go”. They can be exceptionally idealistic, positive, loving and happy, but they can very easily be quickly overwhelmed by negativity.  Rejection, isolation and perceived failure are feelings that always lurk behind every happiness, they suspect “betrayal” and actively look for “proof” of rejection. The word “PERCEIVED” is important with EUPD, this disorder is “all about how they PERCEIVE the world around them and how they PERCEIVE the actions of others.)
Folks with EUPD are extremely sensitive and feel intense joy and gratitude for the smallest act of kindness, and often interpret the kindness they are given as intense love.  Often they become “clinging vines”, and while they desire intimacy, their actions, the need to be in control is often off-putting.  They can quickly shift from extreme love to extreme hate after a disappointment, or a perceived loss of esteem in the eyes of the one they “adore”.  Like a roller-coaster, they can fly from idealizing  to demonizing the person they “love”, especially if they fear or perceive any type of rejection!  There are no “Greys” in their world, it’s black or white.  One extreme or the other.
Impulsive and self-defeating behavior is common with this disorder; substance/alcohol abuse, risky behavior such as unprotected sex, indiscriminate sex with strangers or a string of multiple partners, reckless spending, reckless driving, impulsively leaving a job and/or relationships and reckless confrontational behavior.
GENERAL SYMPTOMS:
Out of control emotions
Unstable interpersonal relationships
Fear of abandonment/rejection
Impulsivity
Anger/aggression/confrontational
No clear identity
Difficulty in regulating their emotions, fear and anger
Difficulty concentrating, maintaining focus
Hostility toward Family Members
These individuals have difficulty in knowing who/what they are, and try to fill the feelings of emptiness and loss by adopting others values and beliefs.  They have no clear goals for relationships and careers, they “float” along.
Additionally, there are two “types”, I’m prone to accept the “impulsive type” for our princess:
F60.30 Impulsive type

At least three of the following must be present, one of which must be (2):

  1. marked tendency to act unexpectedly and without consideration of the consequences;
  2. marked tendency to engage in quarrelsome behavior and to have conflicts with others, especially when impulsive acts are thwarted or criticized;
  3. liability to outbursts of anger or violence, with inability to control the resulting behavioral explosions;
  4. difficulty in maintaining any course of action that offers no immediate reward;
  5. unstable and capricious (impulsive, whimsical) mood.
Additionally, there are four sub-types, so I believe “Petulant” applies as does “Impulsive”!
PETULANT
Negativistic, impatient, restless, stubborn, defiant. Sullen, pessimistic, resentful, easily slighted and quickly disillusioned.
IMPULSIVE
Capricious, superficial, flighty, distract able, frenetic, seductive, fearing loss becomes agitated, gloomy and irritable.
Second, let’s review Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD)
My first experience with ASPD was with my third (or was it my fourth) ex-husband and also with my fourth (or was it the fifth) ex-husband.  (I had a broken “man-picker” for a while…but, I diagnosed myself, and fixed it!)
At first, I thought that both of these men would have won awards for being the most Selfish, Self-Centered Men in the Universe, but, as it happened, they were both clinically ASPD.  (It’s easy to confuse, I guess)
But, let us just focus on #3/maybe 4.   The doctor explained it to me with four words.  “He has no conscience!” He exhibited a pervasive pattern of disregard and violation of the rights of others, he displayed an “impoverished’ moral sense, no conscience, a history of crime (he had been in prison, convicted of child molestation; he forced his best-friend’s 11 year old daughter to orally copulate while holding a knife at her throat….but, it wasn’t “his” fault…SHE made him do it!  And it wasn’t HIS fault that he lied to me…it was MY fault for finding out!….when I asked him “why didn’t you tell me this before? “Because I knew that if you knew, you wouldn’t date me…or marry me!”), a slew of legal problems, impulsive and aggressive behavior, including verbal, emotional and physical abuse.  (But, it wasn’t HIS fault…*I* made him do it!)
GENERAL SYMPTOMS
1.  Failure to conform to social norms in regard to lawful behaviors, repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.
2.  Deception, repeatedly lying, use of aliases, conning or manipulating others for profit or pleasure.
3.  Failure to plan ahead, impulsivity
4.  Irritability and aggressive behavior, assaults, physical fights
5.  Reckless disregard for others, or self.  Risky behavior, no fear of consequences
6.  Irresponsibility, inconsistent behavior, failure to keep a job, failure to honor financial or personal obligations.  Failure to learn from negative consequences.
7.  Lack of remorse, indifference to actions, rationalizing actions after having hurt, mistreated or stolen from another
8.  Callous disregard for the feelings, wants and needs of others. Lack of empathy. Abusive behavior, abusive relationships.
9.  Irresponsibility, disregard for “rules” (rules don’t apply to them)
10. Inability to maintain relationships, yet has no difficulty in establishing them.  Sociopaths are “VERY charming”
11. Low tolerance to frustration, easily moved to aggression/violence.
12. Inability to feel guilt, cannot learn from experience, punishment means nothing.
13.  Blames others or rationalizes behavior
14.  Use “charm” or wit to manipulate others for personal gain, or sheer personal pleasure.
15.  Intense egocentrism, sense of superiority and exhibitionism
16.  Uses intimidation, dishonesty, misrepresentation to get his way.
17.  Cruelty to animals, bullying, explosive anger.
18.  Unnecessary risk-taking, living on “razors edge.

Although considered a lifelong disorder, some symptoms — particularly destructive and criminal behavior and the use of alcohol or drugs — may decrease over time, but it’s not clear whether this decrease is a result of aging or an increased awareness of the consequences of antisocial behavior.

Psychopathy is usually defined as a personality disorder characterized by antisocial behavior, an incapacity for remorse and poor behavioral controls.
TYPE CLASSIFICATIONS:
MALEVOLENT: including Sadistic and Paranoid features:
Belligerent, mordant, rancorous, vicious, malignant, brutal, resentful, anticipates betrayal and punishment, desires revenge, callous, fearless, guiltless.
COVETOUS:
Feels intentionally denied and deprived, rapacious, begrudging, envious, seeks retribution, greedy, pleasure in taking more than having.
RISK-TAKING including Histrionic:
Dauntless, intrepid, bold, audacious, reckless, foolhardy, impulsive, unbalanced by hazard.
REPUTATION-DEFENDING including Narcissistic features:
Believes s/he’s infallible, invincible, indomitable, inviolate, intransigent when questioned, over active to slights.
SUBTYPES
There are ten subtypes listed (partially overlapping with the above) – covetous, risk-taking, malevolent, tyrannical, malignant, unprincipled, disingenuous, spineless, explosive, and abrasive, but the list of “10” is not necessarily comprehensive.

The following conditions commonly coexist with ASPD:

  • Sadistic personality disorder
  • Anxiety Disorder
  • Depressive disorder
  • Impulse control disorders
  • Substance-related disorders
  • Somatization disorder
  • Attention Deficit Disorder
  • borderline Personality Disorder
  • histrionic Personality disorder
  • Narcissistic Personality disorder.
There were four subtypes, referred to as “reactions”; antisocial, dyssocial, sexual and addiction. The antisocial reaction was said to include people who were “basically unsocialized””always in trouble” and not learning from it, maintaining “no loyalties”, selfish, irresponsible, frequently callous and lacking responsibility, with an ability to “rationalize” their behavior and an inability to feel “guilt”.  They are repeatedly in conflicts with society, and blame others.
These people are adept at “finding your weak spot” and “working you” (manipulation) until they get what they want.  They are adept at maneuvering their “victim” into a situation where all the control is in their hands.  In the case of my ex, I was coerced into allowing him “joint” rights on my checking/savings/retirement accounts…then, he blocked me from my own money.  As long as he controlled the money, he knew I had no way to leave!  (But I managed to leave anyway! But, it cost me a fortune to do so…but…THAT was only MONEY…what I KEPT was my self-respect and my freedom!)
I’m sure that as you read thru this, you were able to see Arias in the symptoms!  I know I did!  Unfortunately, psychopaths like Arias, look for people  just like Travis: an easy-going, laid-back gentleman, who will good-naturedly succumb to her demands for control…for a while anyway…but, there are several things a person with these disorders cannot accept: not being in control, rejection (they MUST get “even”)  and not getting what they want!  (In both of the psycho-relationships I was in, I “paid” for my “sins”…and with one of them, specifically, I truly felt that my life was in danger!) But, sometimes the better part of valor is being a yellow-bellied chicken!  Travis, being young, didn’t know what he was dealing with, didn’t realize that he needed to be almost as manipulative and deceitful as Arias is!
I learned in my first marriage that giving the impression that I couldn’t think my way out of a paper sack would save me a lot of pain, suffering and bruises!  Therefore, when dealing with numbers 3/maybe4 and 4/maybe 5, because they believed I was a “SPESHUL snowflake” instead of an intelligent woman, I survived the marriage/divorce a lot better than I would have otherwise.
And, for the life if me, I do not understand exactly why Arias didn’t do as millions if others have done…and just get pregnant to trap her man!  It would have saved serving “natural life” at Perryville, with Auntie Angela (Simpson) as a “Cellie”!
Have a great night everyone.
RBMD peacing the fuck out!
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110 Responses to Yes I’m Still Sick, So a Guest Blog From Mama Via.

  1. Trudy Gunn says:

    Hey Kelly,
    Sorry to hear your still not well. Sucks the sarcasm out of a girl doesn’t it. In fact I get so sensitive at those times, I hide. Screen phone calls, read but don’t post on F/B. stay right off twitter especially when you’re feeling well cause it hurts to laugh so much when I’m not.
    Just wanted to be quick, I was diagnosed with BPD years ago. “with stipulations” anyone my point is when she first started her trial 2013 I called Dr. Drew and said. “She has BPD I know cause I recognize the rage, I know exactly how she was capable of killing Travis. Anyway, he sort of brushed me if and then towards the end his show is all like “When you suffer from BPD and you get angry blah blah blah … never once acknowledged that it was a listener that said it first. No, him and all his expensive window dressing for is show, “Oh yes, I think you’re right. I believe it’s BPD cause blah blah blah. All the glory to the all mighty Dr Drewp. (sic)
    I soon after cancelled my cable service.
    Hope you are feeling better very soon.
    Trudy (Fairweathertwit) ✌out

    Date: Tue, 20 Jan 2015 04:13:32 +0000
    To: o2bmom@hotmail.com

    • Mama Via says:

      Trudy: yes…I think there must be some sort of special designation is DSM X for people who take credit for other folks ideas…oh, wait…there are! A$$hole, plagerist, thief, (wait, I haven’t had my coffee yet, so I’m not on top of the world yet…there ARE more! Just pick one that makes you feel better!)
      Thanks for the insight!

  2. Brandy says:

    Kelly, I am so sorry to hear that your still sick and having a hard time 😦 Hope you feel better real soon hon. Bless your heart.

    • Brandy says:

      Have you been to the doctors? If not, you should go, I would not mess around with this stuff. Take care of yourself. sending prayers and healing thoughts your way! 🙂

    • Mama Via says:

      I don’t think she’s been to the doc…but she’s scheduled to go to Pre-Op today! I hope she’s feeling well enough to do so! If she’s scheduled for “Pre-Op” that must mean her surgery is just around the corner! I’m sure she will post here sometime today!

  3. Cheryl says:

    The pregnancy trap I think Travis avoided that by (it seems Jodi said) by ejaculating outside of her vagina. So maybe he was a little careful. That was a great read. I hope you get over the flu quickly Kelly.

    • Mama Via says:

      Thank you, Cheryl! Yes, silly me! I forgot that they were mormon, and although they were breaking the chastity rule…they probably weren’t drinking “spirits”…so she couldn’t get him drunk and take advantage if him! (I mean, how crazy can you get without tea, soda or coffee?). I’d be a WRECK without my coffee! The doc told me that I couldnt have 2 (8 oz) cups of coffee in the morning…at TOPS, just ONE! So, I went to 2 four ounce cups if espresso!! Ha-HA!

      (Besides, ask any catholic above the age of 45 if the “pull out method” works…like my Auntie…with seven daughters, and one of HER daughters, with SIX children! Right there are 14 folks who will confirm that the only SURE way to keep from getting pregnant is to keep your knees together!)

    • bobbie thompson says:

      I wonder if that was why he preferred anal. Not because of pedophilia like all the asswipes think. See, it’s kind of hard to ask a dead man what he thought. That’s why you have to have irrefutable proof of his actions. I never thought of the avoid pregnancy line but it makes sense. It also may explain some of JA’s rage. She knew she’s NEVER trap him. He may have even told her that. hmmmmm….

      • Mama Via says:

        Oddly enough…I used to have a girl working for me who claimed to be a “virgin”…she was VERY religious, really! But every Monday morning we would hear how many times she had done anal…and all of us laughed behind her back because she was so adamant that “anal doesn’t count”…(it does TOO count!)

        I sure wish I knew where in the Bible unit says “anal doesn’t count!”

    • Ruthanne says:

      That was the one thing I wanted to address that I forgot in my post. I also think he avoided it by not doing that. In fact, I think he may have not ever had vaginal intercourse with her, or not until near the end, but he was thankfully careful about that, if and when he did. I truly think he kept it to anal and oral stuff. She probably introduced the anal as an option, because he wouldn’t have vaginal intercourse, was only doing oral at first. That’s just what I’ve thought for a long time. Nothing has ever made me change my mind about that. I do think he made an exception with Deanna, but she always remained special to him, and that may even be why.

      • Mama Via says:

        Did Deanna say that they did anal or not? I’m wondering if it wasn’t JA who brought the Hershey Highway into the relationship? Yea, I think you are right! SHE was the one who introduced him to “kink”…as a way to “capture” him…the guilt overwhelmed him…he wanted out…she threatened to expose him…(after making the tape they’ve been playing)…anyone other than me notice that he was barely awake during that tape? She was on a mission,,,she was taping and wouldn’t hang up and let him sleep till she got the goods!

        Good lord I hate people who tape conversations!

  4. hbbeachbun says:

    Kelly if you haven’t been to the doctor please go. We all want you well. Mama Via excellent writing. I learned a lot. Thank you.

    • Mama Via says:

      I’m sorry that I wasn’t very funny, HB..,I was in “teacher/mama lecture mode”…but, I thought it was important for us to understand the “disorder” and WHY our Baroness of the BackDoor acts the way she does…from my own experience…the individuals with this problem cannot be “cured”…the nature/nurture cause/effect is still heatedly argued, and medications, while relieving some of the symptoms, such as rage, cannot “heal”….you can’t MAKE someone have a conscience! Either you have morals and values…or you don’t!

      These individuals KNOW the rules of life, they KNOW right from wrong…but in their minds, RULES don’t apply to THEM! They do not fear CONSEQUENCES, they do not feel GUILT. In the mind of the Back-Door Baroness, Travis “deserved” to die, because he “hurt” her, and it was up to her to teach him that he “couldn’t get away with it”! If you or I went to the lake, and pushed little duckies into the water, it would keep us up at night…years later, we would still feel awful…but Miss Duckie Dunker would say, “those little fukkers needed to learn to swim anyway! I did them a FAVOR!”

      Hypothetically…IF she gets “25 with Parole”…she’s going to have to hone her acting skills…parole boards want to see “remorse”…and until she can say “I’m sorry that I brutally murdered Travis!” It ain’t gonna happen! As long as she says “gee, I’m sorry Travis died. I sure hope his family learns to live with it!” she will never get out…she feels no guilt…she never will!

      Thanks for the comment, HB!

  5. Alice Girard says:

    hey kelly sorry to hear you are still not feeling well. i hear the flu is a real bitch this year. feel better soon.

    mama now i think i have it and a whole bunch of other shit to boot. we need to talk. seriously.

    • Mama Via says:

      Alice, if you need to chat via e-mail, just send your message to MamaVia (at) icloud (dot) com

      You wrote “kelly, sorry to hear you are not feeling well”…if you TRULY meant that…you probably don’t suffer with this…you really wouldn’t give a damn how Miss K felt…I’ve had moments where I thought I might qualify for that diagnosis, too! But, in fact, I do have a big old mushy heart that can’t stand to feel the pain of animals abused, children without food, water and especially LOVE, and I will often go out if my way to help someone in need…but, like every other human, I have selfish moments too!

      Drop me a line…we can talk…

    • Connie Rust says:

      Alice….I’m no expert but the fact that u think u have it probably means u don’t. In my experience with personality disorders (I’ve been around a few)…..they do not admit to having one. Mama is that a fair statement?

      • Mama Via says:

        I agree totally Connie! I’ve found that people with “the crazies” never question their own sanity…they are positive they are a-okay! They only accuse others of what they themselves have!

        “Phone call for Mr Pot, phone call for Mr. Pot! Mr. Kettle calling!
        Mr. Pot, Mr. Kettle calling!”

        As long as you question your own sanity, you are fine! 🙂 all kidding aside…as long as you are not a danger to yourself, or others, which is the most important…you will be fine….all of us here are supportive of whatever is on your mind!

  6. Tina Roche says:

    Great read, i’m amazed i didn’t think of her getting pregnant.
    Hope you will feel good soon Kelly.

    • Mama Via says:

      LOL!! The three biggest lies in the world are “the check is in the mail”, “I promise I wont c*m in your mouth!” and “I SWEAR I CAN’T get pregnant!”

      I used to think the old “You gotta marry me, I’m pregnant!” ploy was only used back in the 60s and early 70s…until about two years ago…. while my son was separated from his wife, “The Yeti”, the (NEW) little hussy who was “visiting” him on an “extended” basis, told him that he’d have to hurry his divorce from the Yeti, because she was pregnant…

      Turns out, the hussy had severe diabetes (and was a drug addict) her doctor said “with your illness, things are just too risky, having a child might kill you, you can’t get pregnant, it is dangerous!” What the little psychopath HEARD was…”Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. YOU CANT GET PREGNANT! Blah, blah, blah, blah!” So, she didn’t take the pill, or use protection…because “the doctor TOLD me that I can’t GET pregnant!” Uh-Huh….and the check us in the mail!

      Son said “Mom, I swear! You are SO suspicious, sometimes!”

      IF Hodi HAD gotten pregnant….Travis would still be alive…and bitching because he had to pay child support AND alimony!

      Thanks for your nice comment!

  7. slw600 says:

    Wow a great read. I learned a shit load. Now I am going through a list in my head and diagnosing everyone. Stabby certainly fits!

    Kelly, hope you feel better.

    • Mama Via says:

      SLW, I walked around for a long time making mis-diagnosis (haha) while I was taking classes! Psychology, to some extent, is subjective…and it is “self-reporting”…what I mean is that, even the BEST psychologist can only know what the patient TRUTHFULLY reports within the allotted 45 minutes each session, so, s/he MUST rely on the patients statements….if the patient says “I’m bi-polar” and then describes the symptoms of B/P in daily life…well, what are you going to do? That’s why everyone is making a big deal of “you only talked to a Jodi?” To get a full picture, talking with a spouse, children and parents can give a better diagnosis…but if you are just depending on talks with a LIAR…that’s why “Snow White” and Dr Fumbles had such wacky views on the Princess!

      Thanks so much for your kind words!

  8. shenson1209 says:

    Mama Via, thank you for your blog. Really interesting to read about these mental illnesses. I think I now understand my ex.

    Kelly, my prayers are with you. Sending hugs.

    Thanks again Mama Via.

    • Mama Via says:

      Hi, Shenson! Thank you fir your comment! I, too, find tge mind very interesting!

    • Mama Via says:

      I don’t know what happened there! Anyway…there are hundreds of easy to read general psychology books available to help us understand ourselves and others! Sometimes, I’ve found great healing in just understanding the issues that an ex, my own child and even bosses might have!

  9. BethT says:

    Thanks for filling in the gap for Kelly, Mama. You have a wealth of information here — actually makes me look around and think whooaa……far too easy for people to appear normal and have these things lurking beneath the surface just waiting for the trigger to create the perfect storm, just like Jodi did. I’ll bet there are ALOT of people in her background that have seen the crazy and have run for the high hills! I wonder if BPD is hereditary?

    Kelly, I feel for you. You have a lot going on to face, please know that we are praying for you and let the warmth of our love comfort and protect you!

    • Mama Via says:

      “….and that’s how Baby Psychopaths are born!” 😄

      Yes, some mental disorders ARE hereditary…Bi-Polar tends to run in families. I don’t know if BPD is or not…but it isn’t a stretch to figure out that if you are raised by a psychopath, you don’t know another way to be! There are many adults who abuse children…because they were abused themselves…yet…its no guarantee…some, like me are so sensitive about child abuse that I found ways to TALK to/with my son…because I loved him so much, I never wanted him to feel the pain I had endured…

      The brain is fascinating!

      Thank you for your comment and insight,, Beth!

      • Ruthanne says:

        Maybe the fear of anyone could be a crazy person, coupled with my prior experience is why I don’t bother looking/dating anymore. LOL
        I was once told by a therapist that I attract the crazies because I am inherently the type that could be a psychologist/psychiatrist, and they sense it in me. I tend to believe that because it has been that way even with friends. I can’t say I have one “normal” friend, but have eliminated the truly crazy ones from my life a long time ago. There have been some real whackos I’ve called friends at various times, until I realized how bad they were and decided I didn’t want the drama in MY life.
        I hope it isn’t hereditary, what either of my husbands have, I had one child with each, but they were raised away from them. My girls are overly emotional, one is an empath, truly, she picks up on the feelings of those around her, and she is working on learning to shut it out so it doesn’t affect her when she doesn’t want it to, or is too much for her. The other is so worried about being too selfish that she thinks about every decision so long and hard, and how it will affect others, that I told her she is the very opposite. (She’s worried she will be like her Narcissistic sperm donor) Other than that, I see nothing really clinical, they are in their early and late 20’s respectively. A little depression, anxiety, but life is tough, and I dealt with depression much of my life and that was inherited from my family I think. Hopefully nothing more serious than that affects them.

      • Mama Via says:

        Like you, I tended to attract them too…I think for a long time I “thought” I could “fix” them…but the old “you can lead a horse to water” thing…people must “see’ for themselves that they are “miserable” with their lives…and WANT to change…no amount of telling someone “you need help” will do!

        My second/or was it third, husband really had some issues! And it was making me crazy! One day I said to him: Look, this is what you are doing, and it’s making my life miserable!

        You have 6 months to get some help…I’m not going to remind you, or nag you about it, it’s up to you to do something! If you don’t, I’m leaving!

        Six months past, and I left! I don’t make empty threats. If I had listened to his pleas, and stayed, nothing I ever said in the future would mean anything…all empty threats!

        I don’t know if he ever got help or not….I dont “do” “let’s be friends”…when I’m done, I’m done forever!

  10. TisMe says:

    Mama Via thank you, I always enjoy reading your thoughts.
    Kelly please take extra good care of yourself, I hope you’re smiling again very soon.

  11. gingerdidit says:

    Nice reason Mama..I’ve just diagnosed my sister-in-law..explains EVERYTHING! 🙂 While reading the first part of this, it made me feel so much better to find out there are other “Jills of all trades “..I felt like I was reading my autobiography..which will be written one day..it will be 100% fact but I’m sure they will file it under “fiction”.

    Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.. Get well soon!
    Watcha doin there, girl? I said “be well “!
    My intro just reminded me of something funny..lol..enjoy…
    Don’t laugh too hard..I know your hair probably hurts ..

    Cheers – The Kelly Song: http://youtu.be/a7D3GPKNcSI

    • mamavia2 says:

      No harm in being a “Jill of all trades”…that’s how our ancestors survived! When I lived on the farm with Gramma & Grampa…gramma was in charge if the house and garden and yard…grampa was in charge of the critters and farming…there was no “women’s work” and “men’s work”. There was just “work”! My husband isn’t “handy”…both son and I ARE! DH has saved at least several thousand dollars calling son (or me) when we needed a new garbage disposal, a new lock on the sliding glass door, or the new gas grill put together, or had a clogged drain! He has always called a plumber or a locksmith! DH even calls a “mobile detailer” to wash his car! Silly man!!!

      I used to say that I was going to “write a book someday”…I decided I was going to call it “all the Lies i Ever Told Are True”..because like you, no one will believe it! But, one thing no one can dispute…we have had FULL lives…and I kinda feel sorry for the people whose lives were just “normal”!!

      • Far from normal..but loving every minute of it. My father in law bought me my first tool box. Yep..pretty dang handy, too.
        My hub is too..so we have fun together doing house projects..he just gets mad when I outsmart him..haha. We’ve been doing house projects for 30 years ..we met at 19. We just bought a house that needs nothing …i had to come up with some ideas to change some things..
        I don’t know..maybe we will just go MC riding instead .. 🙂 Going to Savannah next month…its supposedly the “most haunted ” place on planet earth..ill let you know.. 🙂

      • Mama Via says:

        That sounds like so much fun, Heidi! I always wanted to rehab an old house…but didn’t want to do it by myself!

      • Ruthanne says:

        I love that title and forget someday, write it! I will buy it!

    • Mama Via says:

      Ginger, I answered you, but was signed in under the wrong account…one that Miss Kelly needs to approve…it was a LONG one, of course, so I will let miss K release it!

  12. renaes24 says:

    Kelly: I hope you feel better FAST/FAST/FAST (old commercial). I would hate to see your surgery delayed.
    Mama, I am now going to crawl UNDER my bed as I think I have or have had, almost all you describe! I will not come out until I am no longer a danger to others. However, I am now fearful that I will totally relapse when full-blown dementia kicks in!
    I will, therefore, tell my husband that I need supervision and think 4 point leather restraints maybe in order! Since he is not the ’50 Shades of Gray’ sort……..I may be in trouble……or, he may decide “if it’s kink you want…….” ?
    Retreating under the bed right NOW!

    • mamavia2 says:

      Miss Renae…are you still under the bed, honey? Ollie, Ollie Oxen Fee, come out, come out wherever you are! No, no, Renae! You are PSYCHIC. NOT PSYCHO!

      And if you are going to do “Fifty Shades”….wait until after the Trial….a Cellie Bate like me can only handle so much information! 😂

    • mamavia2 says:

      Miss Renae…are you still under the bed honey! Ollie Ollie Oxen Free! Come out, come out wherever you are!

      I don’t know what I said in my first answer to you…but it’s in “moderation”…I don’t know what I said! I’ll have miss K figure it out!

      Imagine that! I didn’t even use the F word!

    • mamavia2 says:

      Miss Renae…are you still under the bed, honey? Oxxxx Oxxxx oxxx fxxx come out, come out wherever you are! No, no, Renae! You are PSYCHIC. NOT PSYCHO!

      And if you are going to do “Fifty Shades”….wait until after the Trial….a Cellie Bate like me can only handle so much information! 😂

      Third times a charm! Moderation doesn’t like Ollie!

    • mamavia2 says:

      Renae. I am being moderated in what ever I say to you! I’ll say it later! No need to hide under the bed!

    • Mama Via says:

      Renae! Ollie Ollie oxen Free! You have an answer in moderation, too!

  13. Catherine says:

    Hi Kelly! Feel better soon, sweets! We love you! Rest and fluids, doctors orders. I hope the pre-op goes well and that you’re back to healthy enough for your surgery in time to not have it delayed. You’re an inspiration!

    Hi Mama Via! I was diagnosed with borderline years ago. I agree there is no cure, but intense therapy (DBT) and lots of talk therapy can certainly go a long way. I’m medicated for bi-polar II but only anxiety meds as needed for the borderline. I also have PTSD, and boy howdy that ho does not.

    My dear husband puts up with quite a bit of hell from me, but (I feel) I’ve come a long way. Once you learn to recognize the emotions as being irrational it gets easier to compartmentalize them for later scrutiny. And time-outs help quite a bit. I tell my kids ‘moms in time out’ and go cry/punch a pillow/meditate until it passes. The hard part is knowing when to go away from the situation and as you can’t always get away, learning to be quiet till its processed and recognized as irrational.

    I was molested several times a week by my stepdad for 4 yrs, often with my mom in the bed, from the age of 8 to 12. I’d get sick or have a nightmare, go to my mom who slept like the dead and be pinned down by the predators stare. No escape. I learned to not go to mom, just be sick or scared by myself. So he started coming to me. Which meant I lay awake at night waiting to hear the stairs creak, not sleeping much at all. I kept a knife in my pillow, but only had the nerve to pull it once. I still have a hard time falling asleep, but I refuse sleep aids because I need to be able to get up with my kids in the middle of the night and I’m scared I’ll sleep through my little guys cries. He’s 7 now, so maybe soon I can get some good sleep, but he still falls out of bed sometimes and I can’t chance not hearing him.

    ~Anyhoo~

    As far as the 3-hole wonder, I knew pretty early on that she was borderline. It’s easy to recognize the symptoms in others once you’ve lived it.

    Thanks for listening. This turned ito much more than I intended but I can’t just delete it. It’s rare and difficult for me to gush like this so post I will.

    • mamavia2 says:

      Hi Catherine…I’m so sorry that you had to endure that as a child…you know from reading my posts that I’ve (sadly) had a similar experience. I try to remember that “THAT was THEN; THIS is NOW”…i believe that the experience had a lot to do with my REactions to life as an adult. I was a serial monogamist…I have more failed relationships than some ladies have pairs of drawers…and it wasn’t until I mixed talk therapy with medication that I was able to get my life in control.

      I am BP, too…my son told me not to long ago…”mom, I’ve never seen you as stable as you are now…and I’m happy for that! I kinda miss the “fun” you, but I don’t miss the “not so fun” you.” I’ve been “in a good place” for eight years…I’ve never gone so long before…so, I worry that the “big black dog” of my illness will come back to fuk with me!

      But…I’m beginning to wonder if there aren’t THREE things involved with BP…
      1) a genetic predisposition to BP…if your crazy mother has it, you probably are susceptible to the “crazies” too!
      2) a history of child abuse; sexual, emotional and physical
      3) hormones (?)

      I have noticed that my symptoms gradually subsided as I approached what I call “mental-pause”…I have extremely low estrogen levels now, and it SEEMS like the lower estrogen became, the better my mental health…maybe I’m hallucinating…well, hallucination or not, I’m just happy that I can reasonably pass for “normal”…

      No one shares exactly the same symptoms, even if they share the same diagnosis…BUT…I have/had PTSD….and like you, believe that ho-ho-Hodi does NOT Have PTSD!!! I’m 15 and 38 years past “The Events”…and again, talk therapy and medications helped with the symptoms…and time helps heal as well…that old “compartmentalize/dissociate” gives your brains a break! I asked my psych “why is it that, as much as I loved and adored my sister, I can’t remember anything good or bad? Why is it I can’t remember getting married? Or what I did last week?”
      It really helped me when he explained….

      “You spent all your childhood trying not to think about someone hitting you, or verbally abusing you, or molesting you. You spent the early part of your adulthood blocking out the auto accident, the deaths in your family, your abusive husband…you cannot tell your brain “Remember to remember this, and remember to forget that!” Your brain trained itself not to remember, as a result, you don’t remember anything!”

      So, when I study for school, I have to work extra, extra hard…because as a survival mechanism, it goes into “la-la land”…my eyes move across the page, I mark and highlight, and 10 minutes later, I can’t tell you what I read!

      It’s strange, I know…but, I understand exactly what my son was saying about the “fun” me…my BP cycles VERY slowly…I will have 2-4 years of extreme mania…and 2-4 years od extreme depression…yes, I’m naughty in my manic stages, but I’m also “superhuman”…I can carry a full load of 20 units at college, and get straight As…while working a 40 hour week for pay, and maintain a small home business…and I’m funny, and fun to be with. (I also tried to buy a $500,000 motor home while I was unemployed! HA!). But, in my depressive years…I don’t get my ass off the sofa, I sleep 20 hours of every day, I’m miserable and all I want to do is end my life. I’m NOT fun, or funny. Any time I find myself yearning for my happy, carefree, manic days…I remember how painful and dark the other side of BP is…

      I’ve had moments that I’ve been accused of having BPD…but, then I remind myself that can’t possibly be true…because I have a good dose of conscience! I didn’t buy my morals and scruples at the Dollar Store, or K-Mart during a Blue Light Special…and then, found that the person pointing his finger at me, had three fingers pointing back at himself…it was then that I discovered that the accusation was nothing more than a manipulation, to get his way…

      I’ll keep you in my prayers, Catherine! Take care of that dear little boy…some day you’ll find him as your very best friend, like I’ve found my “little boy” (who is now 40) to be!

      • Catherine says:

        I completely understand the memory aspect, aside from schooling issues. School was my ” escape” but I was punished for less than perfection. I bring home a 99 and get the third degree about that one point missing so I usually did extremely well.

        I cycle a few times a year. Usually a few weeks of hypomania with horrid bouts of depression in between. Suicidial dreams and actions. I’ve been hospitalized more times than I can remember. (HA! That’s actually a relief!) I don’t know anyone else in my family as BP but depressed for sure. Every female on my moms side takes something for it. I’ve been stable for 18 months, with only one violent (and embarrassing) borderline tantrum in that time. Sometimes I’m hanging in by a thread but I’ll be damned if my kids grow up thinking this is an ok way to be/act. My boys are my lifeline in suicidal phases. “I am their only mother” is my mantra. If I open this suicidal door in their mind, it like giving permission for them to be ok with suicide and I won’t allow that.

        Thank you for the reply. I was feeling very vulnerable and questioning why I even posted it. It’s nice to be heard and have some support from someone who know how it feels.

      • Catherine says:

        As far as the borderline, I’ve had one therapist tell me that 95% of female sexual abuse victims that are labelled borderline really aren’t, it’s the fallout of the abuse. She is the one therapist that has stuck with me through the years when I had given up in muskeg and quit goin or doing the work. So while I’ve been diagnosed, I’ve also been un-diagnosed and I just try to be aware of my behaviors just in case. I don’t want to slip and make a mistake that could be fatal. When I have a “break from reality” as I call it, I’ve been know to physically lash out at anyone who tried to protect me from myself, and I never want to see that side of me again. I blame both bipolar and borderline (wether it’s there or not) for those moments, but still hold myself accountable.

        Which blog post can I go to to read your comments with your story? I’d love to know more.

      • Mama Via says:

        I too, hang by a thread sometimes…but my inner-self just keeps plugging along…I keep re-scheduling my breakdown for “later”, when it’s more “convenient” to take a “vacation” from my “responsibilities”…and in spite of getting only a “C” in my theater class…I know what to SAY to appear “in control”…after all, almost anyone can “fake” sanity for 45 minutes…and I have this crazy fear that once I go IN those doors, it isn’t ME in charge of getting OUT…and I’m not sure that I can fake MORE than 45 minutes! 🙂 As Johnathan Winters said once “Oops! can’t say THAT again! Last time I said that, they made me wear a white coat!”

        I know what you mean about your boys being your life line…Son was the only reason in my darkest hours, too! I couldn’t bear the thought of him having to deal with my decision! I STILL can’t! He found his pregnant fiancé on the floor unresponsive 2.5 years ago…she accidentally killed herself and their baby, trying to get high…(she was a selfish idiot!) seeing how torn apart he has been with that, is enough to keep me sane…

        You have much to do, before you cash in chips…like me, you will help someone else…you will need to attend graduations, weddings, and births…no one can be YOU…no one can love those boys as you do!

        Write me if you need to/want to…I understand, you are in my prayers!

      • Catherine says:

        Perhaps you could get my email address from miss k when she’s up and attem. Hugs!!!

      • Mama Via says:

        Catherine…mine is… MamaVia (at) icloud (dot) com

    • Mama Via says:

      Guess you figured out that maybe my comment to you is sitting in moderation too…..

    • Ruthanne says:

      Just wanted to chime in with you both regarding the reason you didn’t do anything drastic, the same thing that kept me around for many years, raising my girls. I couldn’t bare the thought of what they would go through AND more importantly, if their fathers were to get custody, my Will was very clear about if something happened to me they went to my sister, but who knows what happens when your gone, and they’d be separated and both abused, so I HAD to stay alive no matter how bad my depression got. Once they were adults, I had some tough times for a few years, empty nest made it worse, but I’ve gotten passed it, and they still need me, which they show me daily and now I have a dear grandson too, and I want to teach him so much, like your Gramma did MamaVia. So I have renewed reasons to stick around, and I’m better anyway, I deal better, most of the time. That little set back with the still not dead ex 2nd husband sucks but I’m still ok, and getting ready to move again in a few months, so I’ll feel safe again for a while.
      I’m glad you felt safe sharing here Catherine. You sound like a very strong woman and I wish you all the best.

      • Mama Via says:

        Good for you, MamaRuthAnne! How lucky I am to have my son! Sadly, when SelfishNanna killed my grandson, I never had the chance to hold my grandbaby…and I only got to see him once…in the coffin with his baby-killing mothers arm around him! Oh, how I wanted to yell at her mother for raising a drug abusing little twat! But, I knew that my grandson, looking down from the Rainbow Bridge, wouldn’t like me saying that to his other gramma…and that I didn’t want to cause more pain to my son…he lost a SON that HE never got to hold, too!

        That poor child was conceived as a “trap”…to force his daddy to marry his mama…he never had a chance at life…and he would have been born “opioid tolerant”.. And would have spent MONTHS in Neo-natal…

        Remember the song “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”? As much as my heart hurts in losing my Grandbaby, perhaps, under the circumstances, what happened was a blessing in disguise…I don’t think I could have survived the pain of that baby growing up in Neo-natal…

        Give your grandson all your best, RuthAnne…my gramma may be past the Rainbow Bridge…but she’s in my heart, mind and thoughts every day…as long as she lives on in my thoughts and actions…in my sons actions…she’s never REALLY gone…

      • Catherine says:

        Thank you Ruthanne. It took about a month of reading comments and then realizing I had similar issues as many here, if not easier than some. I completely understand the empty nest, I dread that (and look forward to some quiet at the same time.). I simply don’t know what to do alone! They stayed with their grandmother for about 8 months, and as hubby is on a night schedule, I had to switch to one also because I couldn’t cope with the quiet, knowing the reason they were gone was that I was unstable. It was a mutual agreement between my husband, his mother, and myself, but I felt like they were gone because I failed… I know now that they were safe and happy as they could be, but I wasn’t ok and they didn’t need to be there for that.

  14. bobbie thompson says:

    Kelly get well. That is an order. That is all.

    Mama, I too ran/run around dx’ing people lol. As an Occupational Therapist I worked with the mentally ill. I met some scary people and decided I would prefer working inpatient with stroke victims. LOVED that line of work. It was so rewarding to see paralysis disappear or to at least help someone learn a new way to achieve independence despite handicaps. But the one thing I kept from my experience is an innate ability to recognize crazy lol.

    • mamavia2 says:

      Bobbie…when I did my internship…(internships either make or break you, let me assure you!)…I discovered that I was pretty SANE (well, in COMPARISON!). And, after working as an interior designer, I discovered that people with TONS of money can be frightening, too! They don’t call it HollyWeird for nuttin, you know! (Like Phil Spector’s French Chateau in L.A.!! “You are kidding, right? You want an AUTHENTIC set of French Armour from the 16th Century? You DO realize that you LIVE in LA, don’t you?” Or Neil Young’s elaborate Telephony (phoney being the key word, here!) set up? Does anyone under 50 even KNOW who Neil Young IS???? Who is going to CALL?). (And just WHY does anyone need a Stretch Hummer in Southern California?).

      Anyway…there wasn’t much difference between the residents at County on a 51-50 than the residents within 3 miles of the beach from Santa Barbara down to San Diego! They are all crazy! Now I live so deep in the South that young women think that a guy who makes 40 grand a year, lives in a double-wide and pays alimony and child support is “wealthy”!!!

      I understand what you mean about stroke victims…my DH had a stroke three 1\2 years ago…it was wonderful watching his progress every day! It was slow, but steady improvement…and he is a strong willed man! We got a dog so he would have motivation to go out for a walk daily..and I watched as it was just to the corner at first…and now it’s an hour…I watched as he got stronger, as his facial movements relearned not dribbling the soup, and learning to make that endearing crooked smile…now, unless he’s had 1/2 martini too much, you’d never know he had tackled a brain attack! At first, I thought I’d talk to him about giving up that nightly martini…but then decided to just leave it alone…he is 71…and he is old enough to drink a martini every night if he wants…he doesn’t have any other “bad” habits…doesn’t yell at me, hit me, smoke, eat to excess, run around on me, or go out with the boys, well, except hunting occasionally…and I encourage that…it was a motivator when he was recovering from the stroke…he wanted to hunt again! He is home every night by 6 pm, unless he has to occasionally meet a client…and he adores me as much as I adore him! I can imagine how rewarding “work” is for you!

      Yep, crazy is as crazy does! Bet you spotted Hodi a mile away too! Talk about DELUSIONAL!

    • Mama Via says:

      Hi Bobbie! Yes, being the mental giant and Einsteiny person I am…guess where YOUR long winded answer is? If you guess “moderation” you are right! Gee it only took like 5 or 6 answers to be moderated before I noticed! I’m SPESHUL!

  15. kathy says:

    Kelly get well soon. Love the article and can totally relate. Yes, I was a “Roads Scholar” also. Started out in nursing and than took so many courses to absolutely nothing, or today it would be General Studies. I was dx with BDP years ago and went through ten year of therapy but still struggle. Of course, BPD can be traced back to past generations and hoping that I was able to end it with my generation.

  16. Shannamac says:

    Hi Mama Via, interesting post. I often wondered about the pg trap. You know she would figure out which days were best and somehow make it happen. My suspicious nature thinks there had to be another reason.

  17. Mama Via says:

    Hi, ladies! I was signed in under the wrong account! And all my comments were being moderated! Haha! Let me see what I can do!

  18. Brandy says:

    Okay, Harleygirl, I am here

  19. HarleyGirl says:

    Hey Brandy, FYI, tossing the salad involves the anus and the tongue of a partner…..gross. I am 58 and I had to ask my daughter that and they are mad as hell at me now!

    • Catherine says:

      Harley!! I used to read your comments on a different site. Good to know you’re still around. I’ve missed you and your tales pf gassy mastiffs and the chickens!!

    • Mama Via says:

      You ladies are tooooo funny!! I’m NOT telling DH why I don’t want any of his tossed salad now! He thinks it just cuz I don’t like “greens”! I had to look it up on that young folks dictionary…

      • Brandy says:

        Hi Mama Via, I was on another blog with Harleygirl and the topic of tossed salad came up, so she did not feel good about explaining to me what it meant on the particular blog. so I said, I know, meet me over at RBMD comment section to tell me what it means. I have heard the phrase many times but was not sure of the meaning, and the rest is history LOL, thought I would explain that little interaction between us. Hope your having a good Nite, by the way, I loved your blog last nite, very informative! Hope Kelly is feeling better, I feel for her. Goodnite 🙂

      • Brandy says:

        I am 55 and still did not know what Tossed salad meant, lol I also love my greens, vegies and salad, but prefer my tossed salad in a bowl LOL 🙂

      • Mama Via says:

        Yes, Brandy, I’m hoping our Fearless Leader and Queen of the Universe is feeling her oats again very soon! I sure miss her!

        I have to ask Son some of what stuff means…but you KNOW he’s OLD when HE didn’t know what Tossed Salad was either! I’ll just stick with meat and taters with the missionaries!

      • renaes24 says:

        And here all along I thought what you are calling ‘tossed salad’ is what I knew a rimming! Well, I’m older than dirt! Damn. I gotta let hubby in on that one! (Maybe we’ve been doing EVERYTHING wrong)

      • Mama Via says:

        Renae & Brandy…not sue how to say this…but the idea of whatever a tossed salad is..(I thought it was like “rimming”)…ANYTHING to do with my EXIT ONLY part doesn’t sound very sexy at ALL!!! “The Man In The Boat” is in the FRONT, not the BACK!! Maybe I’m just old and cranky…but, if I WERE 30…I would get a tattoo back there…perhaps the international sign for NO over the word ENTRY!!

        And if any one EVER called me a “____hole wonder” he’d be scraping himself off the fukkin wall and wondering what the hell he said!

        It’s CALLED “SELF-RESPECT”…Gramma said “there’s more than one fish in the sea, don’t make a fool of yourself chasin after MINNOWS!” A man who loved me once said “you’d be all over me if I had any MONEY!” I said “yea, and your point is?????” Don’t misunderstand me…I’m NOT a gold-digger…but I DO expect any man I’m with to be as intelligent and as educated as I am, have the same work ethic as I do, have similar morals and ideals…and men that have those qualities have money! A woman (and men) need STANDARDS…there has to be a line in the sand for what you will accept, what you can live with for the rest if your life versus what is acceptable!

        I cannot blame Travis for his actions…he was having sex with a woman who was “throwing herself at him”…HE saw that it was CASUAL…(she took seriously what was poked at her in fun!). And SHE THOUGHT that she would gain his “love” and “respect” by being a sex toy…

        Just a Girl That Men Forget (1923)
        You’re the kind if a girl that men forget,
        Just a toy to enjoy for a while
        For when men settle down, they always get
        An old-fashioned girl, with an old-fashioned smile.
        And you’ll soon realize, you’re not do wise,
        When the years bring you tears of regret
        When they play “Here Comes the Bride”
        You’ll stand outside…
        Just a girl that men forget!

        Yep, an “old-fashioned song…BUT…there’s truth in it…men don’t bring sluts home to mama! Common sense tell him that if she’s been “around town”…she isn’t gonna want to stay home with her knees together…no man wants whispers behind his back that his “wife” has Biblically “known” more than half the men in the county…

        Enough lecture, mama!

  20. Brandy says:

    Hey HG, thank you, I think LOL, LOL too funny

  21. Hay Kelly..
    I was going to issue an AFFIDAVIT ..but since I’m not available for cross examination, and it would have been my opinion, contained UTTERBULLSHITTEDNESS, not FACT or CORROBORATION, the point is moot.

    Lol! I can’t wait for today’s proceedings to be “addressed “.

    Seriously..does JSS not know the basics of an AFTERDAVID?

    I cut myself shaving today so I’m in a tizzy. Linoleum called, hardwood was too pricey, so I settled on laminate. What does this have to do with the price of eggs? .. I don’t know ..but I could come up with some type of cowabawating evidence..Give me some time to photo shop some emails, texts and photos ..or you could just take my word for it..just because.

    AFFIDAVIT

    In American jurisprudence, under the rules for hearsay, admission of an unsupported affidavit as evidence is UNUSUAL

    (especially if the affiant is not available for cross-examination) with regard to material facts which may be dispositive of the matter at bar.

    Affidavits from persons who are dead or otherwise incapacitated, or who cannot be located or made to appear may be accepted by the court, but usually only in the presence of CORROBORATING evidence.

    An affidavit which reflected a better grasp of the facts close in time to the actual events may be used to refresh a witness’s recollection. Materials used to refresh recollection are admissible as evidence. If the affiant is a PARTY IN THE CASE, the affiant’s opponent may be successful in having the affidavit admitted as evidence, as statements by a party-opponent are admissible through an exception to the hearsay rule.

  22. Mama Via says:

    Actually…I think she went and sexed him up…thinking she was going to CANCUN with him! She didn’t bring it up until an hour if so before she killed him…which she had planned to do anyway, if he said no…but, I think not only did he say “no” but said something that REALLY got her angry…THATS why the triple kill! (Hell, I have trouble cutting up a CHICKEN, let alone a HUMAN!).

    I know how to shoot a gun…there are guns all over around this house…but gramma used to say “if it is inevitable, yield to it”. She would tell me that rapists like the “fight”…don’t fight, yield…

    Thankfully, my DH likes to get up in the middle of the night to investigate strange sounds…I like to cower under the covers!

    The “riverside” area of San Berdoo county (in spite of the many meth labs) is unlike what people think “california” is…yes, it has its share of crime…but the “wealthy” don’t gather there…it’s mostly middle-class and lower (the ones who can afford to live “down the hill” (toward the beaches) MOVE down the hill, where wages are better). San Bernardino County is dusty and dirty…and the aroma of several hundred thousand cattle wafts through the air if the wind is right…the level of sophistication up there isn’t what you will find down in Orange County…and there are several large communities of “Okies” who came to california during the dust bowl days and never went “back home” cuz there was no home to go to! That being said…I don’t think that Travis had the “street smarts” (I’m not saying dumb, and I’m not saying he didn’t have a tough life as a child) (I’m saying that he might have been a little naive about a psychopath like Arias!) I don’t think he had the awareness that kids living in Oakland, CA, the South side of Chicago, Los Angeles, NYC, etc. (*I* didn’t either! And when I moved to an area of town that was “less than desirable”, and in spite of my experiences, I had people take advantage of my naivety too!).

    I think that when Arias “lost it”, that, at first, Travis’ basic “you don’t hit a woman” kicked in…and, having her karate/jujitsu/whatever skills, she was faster than he was able to figure out what was happening! (Haven’t you ever had one of those moments when someone says something to you…and you can’t think of how to answer until it’s way too late?). By the time he figured out what was happening…he had all those stab wounds, was coughing up blood…and ran for the door…and fell…she sat on his back, grabbed his head back, and slit his throat before he had a chance to figure out what the hell she was doing…she dragged him back to the bathroom and was going to put him in the shower to rinse off her DNA…if she hadn’t already shot him…this is when his body made a noise…air escaping the lungs, death rattle..who knows…and she shot him in the head to make sure he was dead…

    And didn’t think anything but … “That will teach you to tell ME “no”, Muther-humper!”

    The only thing she thought about on the road was not getting caught…and how she was gonna get the new guy to fall for her…she wasn’t gonna life with Gramma forever!

    No remorse…no sadness…no regret…just like the minion(s), both of them…

  23. karen30036 says:

    Much food for thought from this egimicashunal post … both the post and replies. Thank you Mama, and everyone.
    Healing thoughts out to Kelly.

  24. karen30036 says:

    Mama? I agree with your assessment of when Arias lost it. She was quicker, in my opinion, because of the frenzied rage she was in. We will never know his final moments, but I’m sure at some point he just couldn’t fucking believe this is really happening. I also believe she had the gun on him in the shower and forced him to sit, giving her an advantage. Then it was on to Ryan … a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

    • Mama Via says:

      I agree! He just couldn’t FUKKIN believe what she was doing!

      From ABC15:
      This is a text message Alexander sent another woman about Arias back in 2007.

      “It is a lose-lose situation. If I avoid her I deal with lots of tears. So I deal with it. Don’t get me wrong. She is an amazing girl. A better person than me but we are not right for each other. I don’t think she has that entirely figured out. It’s a tough spot to be in.”

      Now, understanding that they started “dating” 2/1/2007 and he was dating ither women by 12/1/2007…it didn’t take long for her to start manipulating him by using the “tears” tactic! Oh, boo-fukkin-hoo!

      They met 9/1/2006 and he was dead 6/4/2008

      So they dated 10 months…who knows how many if those months he kept “hanging on” cuz no matter how ge tried to tell her to “go away, she would turn on the water works…then, she did her best to get him back for 5 months or so…(he was probably pleased to see her go to Yreka!). He had almost a full month before she came back, and killed his ass!

      Evil, vile woman!

      • Shannamac says:

        I still wonder if there was a stun gun involved. I am not sure if there would be any marks to identify the use of one after that long but at one point didn’t ja mention a stun gun?

      • Mama Via says:

        shannamac, the ME would have seen the marks of a stun gun…it’s always possible, I suppose, that the ME missed it…but stungun leaves two burn-type marks on the skin.

      • karen30036 says:

        She would also threaten to kill herself. You can go to Websleuths radio and hear Chris Hughes stories about Arias … you listen to this and realize just how manipulative she is.
        TA last text to Stabby, you can see he’s finally DONE … with all of it. A month later he’s butchered.

      • Mama Via says:

        Karen, I certainky wouldn’t put ANY manipulation past Hodi!

  25. renaes24 says:

    Mama, I am so mad at all that went on in that courtroom today that I want to gouge their (DT) eyes out and then stick a man’s private part in the empty socket and SKULL F##K them all!
    I just can’t decide who I would choose to ‘do’ first. Toss up between JSS and Dr G…………..
    Going back under the bed now. (Even the dog is staying far away tonight)

  26. Ruthanne says:

    So much to respond to. I haven’t commented in a while, been reading but not comments. I’ve been going through some stuff, some of it health related, though nothing like what Kelly is, and some of it I’ll call flashbacks of the past, including an attempt by my ex, second with ASPD trying to contact me after I’ve spent 25 years moving and hiding. That’s what happens when you think you don’t need to hide anymore and can be normal. Anyway, I’ve wanted to respond, and to share, but I haven’t been able to yet.

    What I will say is the following…
    I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well, Kelly, and I hope you’re better soon and nice and healthy in time for your surgery.

    Great post Mama! As usual, I always love your comments.

    I, too, worked with the old “computers,” and the “software” I had to load to switch between accounts payable and accounts receivable consisted of long rolled up strips of paper, like thin paper tape measures, with holes cut in at certain places that let the computer know which I was doing, payable or receivable, then I’d place the big cards in, and punch in the numbers that had to go on the cards, and they’d print onto the cards, which were like ledgers, (doing it by hand was still easier in my book). I guess it did some calculations for me, but I don’t remember more specifics. I was 18 when I had that job.

    I also had a broken man picker. My first was a narcissist, alcoholic, and closet gay. Today he is recovering, but still narcissistic and still in the closet. And married to his second who managed to stick it out, it was her second too.

    My second was the ASPD, I can’t talk about it beyond that.

    And then I had one I was with off and on for a long time, but didn’t marry. I have never categorized him other than that he also had ADD or ADHD too, but the main thing, I don’t know, maybe ASPD too, maybe even that AND BPD like JA, just glad I got out of there, and finally, one with what I think is simply bipolar disorder, with a side of substance abuse tendencies. That one was over 8 years, we owned a house, but I would never agree to marry him, and I finally got out when I could.

    All were abusive in different ways, but the worst was the one I can’t talk about. The one that is the reason I was drawn to this case, but then immediately realized there was no abuse, at least not toward her. The one that I was told years ago had a fatal illness and he still isn’t dead, the one I thought I didn’t have to hide from anymore that attempted contact not long ago, and brought back things I thought I was over. He should just be dead already.

    I have taken up writing, and some have said I should either write about my life, or use it to write fiction, perhaps about someone in an abusive relationship, or both. I’d like to do both, but I have a hard time talking about that particular person and period of time, so until I can do that, I guess I will stick to other topics. Maybe it would be a good way to purge, but I’m not ready. Maybe he has to die first.

    Anyway, this was very informative and enlightening, and did explain her quite well, esp the BPD part. I wonder if Juan can get DeMarte to say she is incapable of feeling remorse. I’d like that.
    On a happy note, a while back we were talking about forgiveness and I had commented that forgiving everyone, including and most importantly, ourselves, was very important for our emotional well being, and I mentioned that I had done so except for forgiving myself for one thing, which I was told was not my fault but the ASPD husband’s, however, I had a really hard time accepting that, and was stuck. I have since gotten passed that and finally forgiven myself for that last thing, so a huge step forward for me. Obviously, from the above, it isn’t the last I need to take.

    Now that I think about it, I don’t know if my man picker is fixed, (I have had fixing myself), because I chose not to try to pick another one. LOL I like alone. Although I wouldn’t mind a nice DH, if there was one for me. Who knows, miracles happen, for some.

    I, too, have a plethora of useless information in my head that is good for trivia. 🙂

    Also, and this is very important, I would like to know at what age you are permitted to take classes for free, as there are a ton more things I’d like to learn, and will spend much time in school if I don’t have to pay. 🙂

    Sorry for the long response. I’ve been holding a lot in for weeks now, and not commenting, so it had to blow eventually. I hope you all don’t mind.

    • Mama Via says:

      RuthAnne,, I’m glad that you felt comfortable enough to let go all that was pent up!

      At university of North Florida, the age for free tuition is 60. But not all schools offer that, some only offer reduced rates! UNF is a private college, the State schools have different programs! But DO check with each college/university in your area…start with the private schools first, they seem to have the most Alumni support to afford the “over 60” program! Good luck, let us know!

      Oh, yea, the only “drawback” to the program…is that you don’t get a grade, you don’t get a transcript…you just fill the empty corners of your brain with more useless information…and get a chance to mingle with young people…who MIGHT gain something from being around intelligent Seniors!

  27. Mama Via says:

    I’m wondering how mr blue is doing… Has anyone heard from him?

    The Queen of the universe would be SO proud of us! We’ve continued on while she’s been busy getting well…we’ve been supportive and loving, and we sure do miss you, Miss Kelly!

    Well, I gotta put on my thinking cap…and get us some writing done!

    Ok…here is a question for you…think, think, think!

    In FIVE years…what are the following people doing?
    The best answer gets to wear my Tiara for a week!

    Ho-no-Hodi
    Judge Stevens
    Nurmi
    Wilmont
    Cha-cha
    Juan
    Det. Esteban
    Any member of Alexander Family
    The Twins, Frick & Frack

    Any member of trial or any witless!

    On your mark, get ready, GO!

    • renaes24 says:

      Hodi is doing LWOP in Perryville even more desperate for money because she has no where near the amount to ‘buy’ a lawyer. No one wants to touch her case!
      Judge Idiot has been voted out of office and is no longer a closet drinker but a full-blown alcoholic.
      Nurmi had to close down his private practice and is now working for an insurance company denying claim after claim.
      Wilmont moved away and no one knows where
      Cha-Cha took Hodi’s money but it has long since run out. She is doing ‘odd-jobs’ since no one wants to hire her. She is now saving for plastic surgery to restore some ‘perk’ to her sagging boobs.
      Frick & Frack are still in ‘NO-WHERE’ Calif, chatting daily about the time when they were photographed almost daily. They sporadically visit Ho-Ho but, for the most part, are in agreement that they are also tired of her nonsense and are loathe to even open her letters.
      The Alexander Family is still tied up in courts (Civil Suit) that have only NOW begun.
      Juan is now looking to retire and perhaps do a little private practice on the side by representing families at parole hearings
      Flores is retired and living well in Las Vegas or Hawaii

  28. karen30036 says:

    The twins are in the Perryville talent show playing Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in Alice in Wonderland.
    Cha Cha refills the condom dispensers at the Izit Inn Lounge in Bumfuck, IdaHO.

    • Mama Via says:

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

      When I have trouble telling them apart…I always remember HoHo’s mother is the tired, best up looking one…with a big old wart/mole on her chest! The Auntie is the “prettier” (relatively) of the two! She didn’t give birth to a HoHo!

  29. karen30036 says:

    Nurmi opened an adult book store in his garage next to his lab and lawnmower.

  30. karen30036 says:

    Willmott makes hemp hair extensions.

  31. karen30036 says:

    Stabby, Juan, Esteban, Sherry, are still in court. Stabby hasn’t been sentenced yet. Her new lawyers are DEWEY, FUCKEM AND HOWE.

  32. karen30036 says:

    I can feel our Queens pissed off energy all the way “down here” in middle of nowhere Illinois over the absolute shit that was allowed in the Arias courtroom yesterday. I’m waiting for the fireworks that are sure to come …

  33. Martini13 says:

    Mama Via – Excellent post!!!! I am sorry Kelly has been so sick but way to step up to the plate!! I’m actually going to go back and reread a few parts of it because it seems to help me make sense of a hell, i mean relationship, i was once stuck in! And I love that you are/were so random with your interests/studies 😉 Open minded people are my favorite!!

    Thanks again for the wonderful post – can’t wait to read all the comments here later either! Usually some pretty damn good stuff hiding down here in the comment/reply section LOL

    Nitey nite,
    Martini

    • Mama Via says:

      You are SO right, Martini! I’ve never seen SO many AMAZING women in one place before! Yes, many of us have “issues”…but, I think that because we work so hard to “be normal”..raise our children, keep our marriages together, and recover from our moments of abuse, that makes us even more amazing! AND WE MANAGED NOT TO KILL ANYONE!!! Wooden spoon, my big fat ass!!!

      Thank you, I was VERY HONORED that our Loving (but Flu-ridden) Queen allowed me to fill in for Her Majesty! And even prouder that all of you added comments, and opened up your hearts to one another! There is a lot of “healing” when you discover that “you aren’t alone”…(and, NO, I’m NOT planning on selling t-shirts, or RBMD-bands…I’ll leave that to our Queen!)

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