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And That’s When The Pitbull Slipped His Collar.

Guess we are all going to find out what happens when the goodboy treats run out – Arizona

Hai!! I am still sick, but I can’t not write anymore so here we go.

For everybody that is asking why affidavits are being allowed in place of actual people, the simple answer is it covers the NOT A JUDGES ASS.  The long answer is that hearsay, which is technically what this is, cannot be used in court except under certain circumstances.  Technically the ME’s reports are hearsay.  True story.  Most expert witnesses could be considered hearsay, hence the exception to the rule.  NOT A JUDGE has decided to allow the affidavits to help support the experts position.  It’s bullshit and an improper reading of the law as far as I am concerned.  However, Juan did not file any motions to disallow it, so he must not care.

Court continued today down the lets see if we can Kill Travis one more time trail and Marc McFuckstick’s  or as he is called in court “Witness 1’s” affidavit was used to allegedly confirm the pedophilia and that Travis had been abusive to Deanna Reid and Marc McFuckstick had witnessed it.

For the eleventy billionth time we got to go over the May emails.  I was shocked to learn that those have still not magically changed form. They are exactly the same.  Geffner says Stabby said in her journal that it was the pattern to get upset, make up and get upset again.  So…They argued and made up. Just like every other couple on the planet. She also tells Geffner that SHE recognized the cycle of abuse.   Jenny from the Cell Block brought up that in March of 07 Travis forcefully grabbed Stabby’s wrist and Stabbykins did not report this to the psychologist as abuse.  Aaaand we have a sidebar. Juan is up and he is not amused.  Annnnnd we’re back.  Looks like it was overruled since Geffner was allowed to continue that it would not be unusual for Stabby not to think of that as abusive.  In October of 07 Stabby alleged that Travis pushed her around.  Then in January of 2008 he allegedly asked her for $250 dollars, body slammed her, kicked her in the ribs and hurts her finger.  (oh for fucks sakes I remember why I was so damn mad yesterday now.) You know what.  Fuck this.  I’m not delivering a blow by blow of what that lying bitch said unless it is really important.  Lets just say that Geffner spent a long time corroborating her testimony using Marc McFucksticks affidavit.  He also said that she gets migraines from her issues, has a distrust of others and has depression.  He also pulled out the PTSD card again and said that he cannot rule out Bi polar disorder tests and his own observations point to it.  BARF!!

AND THAT IS WHEN THE PITBULL SLIPPED HIS COLLAR!!

  Juan asks Geffner if he remembers the affidavits and says yes. He is seething already and he has only spoken one sentence. Next he started talking about how Marc McFuckstick didn’t want to testify in court. He snarls out this is something you would consider as part of the puzzle. Geffner answers in the affirmative and trembles slightly. Detective Flores is in the background saying several prayers that somebody can find a case of goodboy treats or the vet with the tranquilizer darts. Neither seemed to be forthcoming however and Juan was quickly amping up to a full roar. He snarled out did you consider this when he said Travis admitted to the child porn? Next he asked if someone that worked for Geffner interviewed Marc McFuckstick? Geffner said yes. Juan who is now pacing like a lion in a very small cage roars at Geffner that there were three pages of notes from your associate and in them Fuckface McBullshit told a different story. And BAM!! Faster than anyone could have anticipated the pitbull had ripped apart lie 1. Not only did he rip it apart, turns out that Pigdog McVomit is actually the pedophile. I’ll be filing that away for after this is over. Anybody know what the pedophile laws are like in NZ? He did admit in an affidavit that he was the one looking at them. Just sayin’. Geffner was visibly shaken but he did admit that the notes were true and accurate.

Next the snapping and snarling pitbull asked Dr. Geffner (how is this man a Dr. of anything?) if he even interviewed Deanna Reid. Geffner shakily admitted that he had not. So, expect Deanna on the rebuttal train and I’m betting she is gonna be mad. Juan is pacing in ever shortening lines and his snarl is ever present. He yelled at Geffner to put the notes down while he is being questions. Juan was so mad he forgot himself and said Douchebag McDouchy’s name in court. And then he said crap. I almost fainted when Nurmi did not immediately whip out a motion form and have ChaCha rush it over to the court house. Don’t worry though, his record stands. He filed it right after court.

Apparently Douchbag McFuckstick is a little less than intelligent than Einstein because in his original statement, the dates he said he SAW Travis assault Deanna she was in Costa Rica. The DT caught it in time to get him to send an amendment and those dates didn’t work either. I peed a little as the pitbull very succinctly put the smack down on lie number 2.

Now we are talking about the day Stabby says she caught Travis with the childporn. Remember how she said it was photos of young boys in their underwear and when she came in he dropped them and they floated to her feet? Please remember that, it’s about to be important. Juan asked if a Female psychologist interviewed Stabby in 2010 and it made statements about the masturbation? Geffner affably said yes. Juan then snarled was that an accurate statement taken down by the psychologist? Geffner is thick enough that he didn’t sense the smackdown that was about to commence and he once again happily answered yes. Poor man. Juan roars Note from psychologist #1 Child porn pictures of little boys…she walked in on him viewing this on the INTERNET. Geffner was even nice enough o make an un-redacted not about it. “I thought he was looking at printed pictures?” The only answer Geffner had was those two statements contradict each other. And Stabby lie infinity plus 3 came tumbling down. And with that we saw Juan’s ears perked up as Detective Flores opened the box of good boy treats. The pitbull snapped one out of the air as he made his way back to the prosecution table with a very satisfied look on his face! And we are in recess until 9:15 tomorrow.

Everyone now please stand, face Arizona and clap for Juan Martinez.

See you tomorrow lovelies
RBMD peacing the fuck out!!

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70 Responses to And That’s When The Pitbull Slipped His Collar.

  1. Despite being sick (and I DO hope you feel better SOON!) you are one of the best writers EVER! Thanks for the recap. I’ve given up actually following it anymore because I simply can’t stand it. However, reading your blog not only keeps me informed, it keeps me amused. Thank you for all that you do. and seriously, I hope you get well soon!

  2. Kathie Green says:

    I love you so much right now!! I can’t stop laughing at your description of today’s court room activities. Love, love, love, your blog.

  3. TisMe says:

    Love it ! I’m willing to bet that Juan let those ridiculous and very obvious lies in because he knew it would show what a bunch of bullshit artists they all are. Wow, there is just no low that they won’t stoop to is there. The DUHfence are going to keep pulling this stuff because they’ve been allowed to. Honestly though, when is enough, enough ?? Stabby, WillMutt, Nurmi, Shady & her money hungry witnesses and family……..I would give anything to be a fly on the wall when Karma visits you lot.
    Thanks Kelly

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai TisMe: YAY!! That is pretty much what I figure too. I would too. Have a good night/morning. I’m going back to bed.

  4. My Real Name says:

    Yeah, man! Juan, as always, danced a serious smack down all up in Geff’s face and shit. The days of him giggling like a little bitch for Jenny from the cell block are far gone. Not even central casting could create that truly weird fucking guy.

    And how utterly desperate is the defense team?? Each day brings new despairing. They have pulled everything out of their asses, including the kitchen sink, fridge and dish washer. And that just Jodi’s haul.This bitch is SO death penalty. It truly is all over for them.

    Also, as always, you rock Kelly. McFuckstick. Lol lol lol lol!!!!

    And Deanna? How fucking stupid is that Jodi girl??? Doesn’t Deanna live in Mesa? She is gonna jump to rebuttal in a heartbeat.

    The defense, Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  5. Martini13 says:

    I didn’t get to follow court at all today and after reading this recap I’m glad I didn’t because THIS is all the info I needed. I had the best visual of Flores with the treats while Juan working his wicked good “unleash the lies” magic!! Sorry you are still sick but thank you for this!! #loveit Get well soon!!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Martini: Awww, thank you so much. That makes me feel great. I’m working hard on getting well. lol. Have a great night.

  6. Connie Rust says:

    Fantastic Kelly! I especially love all the names you gave McVermin. Priceless! Get better dear…..hugs.

  7. hbbeachbun says:

    Great recap and the McFuckstick had me LMAO. Get better soon.

  8. Jodi J. says:

    Hmm, it took Wilma days for Geff to talk about the DT’s lies and it took, what, an hour or so for Juan to make Geff and the DT look like idiots? That’s why I love Juan. He knocks it out of the park without wasting anyone’s time.

    And I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. Being sick sucks, especially when you’re not feeling well to begin with. I hope you get better SOON so you can have your surgery and feel 100% better.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Jodi: I know right. This is the only time I miss live camera coverage. When Juan is up. Thanks. Have a great day.

  9. Karen says:

    As always Ella take care of yourself.
    JUAN is brilliant. Could you imagine him as a defence lawyer? There’d be fewer convictions in Arizona.
    Thanks for the very early morning laughs, sometimes your comments stick with me throughout the day and at random I chuckle as something happens and I remember something you said.
    Take care

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Karen: I knew you got autocorrected when I saw it lol. Juan is brilliant. I’m glad I made you laugh. Thanks.

  10. Karen says:

    Oops auto correct, I know your name us Kelly

  11. debilu2 says:

    Even being sick, you continue to outdo yourself! You are the best! Take care and feel better!!

  12. KarlaMNL says:

    Oh Kelly I did follow along yesterday cause I’m a big Jen of trial diaries fan but your RECAP was AMAZING GF luv the nic nams u give MM only you You are so funny and right now I need funny Take care of your health I’m fightin the flu right now so a good laf was GR8 medicine luv ya 🙂

  13. Linda Paris says:

    You are so funny! LOVE reading your re-caps!

  14. Adele says:

    How to put hours of bullshit into a nice package? Give it to our Kelly. So well done!! 😚👏👏👏
    Feel better soon 💊💊

  15. essem58 says:

    Hi Kel what a load of shit !! I don’t know the answer about paedos in NZ but we Aussies joke a lot, like always, about Kiwis fucking sheep, 🐏🐏🐏 baaaaa 🐏🐏🐏 so McFuckeree could lean in many directions. Was good to read Paul’s review on how the jury was not engaged. Shrieking Willsnot and Nurms just don’t know when to stop flogging that dead horse while contemporaneously firing up Juan. Bring on Deanna!!! As for Nurms motion, ewww now that’s more than I planned on thinking about, idiot McFuckeree posted shit all over the evil social media months ago so there is no Secret Squirrell revelation to squeal about.
    Blue hope your head is on the mend and your upside down world comes back to right way up, but OZ is a great place to be if you feeling like bottoms up 🍺🍺🍺
    Take care Kelly deep breaths and let your fingers fly

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai essem!! How are you. Yes it was a crazy bullshit couple of days, but Juan mauled it out of existence pretty quick.

  16. neevebrody says:

    Thanks, Kelly! Brilliant as usual and I do hope you are feeling better real soon. This flu is a real bitch. You know, you’d think by now the defense team would know what happens when you keep the Pitbull gaged up too long. He’s had to sit and suffer a constant barrage of bullshit and was just itchin’ to slip his collar. And what a thing of beauty it was. I work at a law firm and got so wrapped up in the tweets that I got caught out by my boss. I was like uhm, er… see I follow this trial and, uhm… Oh, which one? Jodi Arias. I see the face change just slightly and can’t quite read him, but have to smile a little when he says, “that bitch’s crazy.” I stayed at work an extra hour and a half because I didn’t want to miss anything on the drive home. Gotta say you and some of the fantastic tweeps out there really make this tri–, er circus come to life. Looking forward to a full day of the Pitbull at his best, unless of course Stabby gets a migraine… in that case, at least the jury will know why.

  17. neevebrody says:

    Thanks, Kelly! Brilliant as usual and I do hope you are feeling better real soon. This flu is a real bitch. You know, you’d think by now the defense team would know what happens when you keep the Pitbull chained up too long. He’s had to sit and suffer a constant barrage of bullshit and was just itchin’ to slip his collar. And what a thing of beauty it was. I work at a law firm and got so wrapped up in the tweets that I got caught out by my boss. I was like uhm, er… see I follow this trial and, uhm… Oh, which one? Jodi Arias. I see the face change just slightly and can’t quite read him, but have to smile a little when he says, “that bitch’s crazy.” I stayed at work an extra hour and a half because I didn’t want to miss anything on the drive home. Gotta say, you and some of the tweeps out there really make this tri–, er circus come to life. Looking forward to a full day of the Pitbull at his best, unless of course Stabby gets a migraine… in that case, at least the jury will know why.

  18. mrsmojojojo says:

    It baffles me just how similar Stabby and her attorneys are.. Nurmi has no problem throwing out accusations that can be easily dis-proven. I don’t get it. You’d think he’d have to have some level of intelligence to get a law degree. Old adage maybe, all books, no street smarts…go figure. I am loving Juan Martinez today. All I could think of that past court days is — just wait for cross and wa-la, there he is. Looking forward to today..lying sack of shit,murderer, manipulative slut, psychopath and her like minded lawyers will have justice delivered unto them via Juan Martinez. Can I get an amen?

  19. Rosie Grace says:

    Love your blog, it leaves me feeling good that there are others of like mind. Please take care and God bless you.

  20. BethT (Truly USA) says:

    Woot Woot!!! Love love it Kelly! Man oh man, I love me some Juan. I can’t wait for today to unfold. He is going to totally destroy Dr. Goofy, that’s for sure, he and Alice in Wonderland will have to bond over some strawberry cappuccino at Starbucks after this is over. I am so ready for all the Stabbyites to eat the cow piles they’ve been squirting out their asses. If they think these STUPID affidavits carry any weight they are nuts. Affidavits of lies! How appropriate for Jodi Arias!

  21. Owlie says:

    Another outstanding write up. I was seething mad at the shit I kept reading on twitter. It makes me insane. I have to keep telling myself Juan’s got this. Feel better dear….sooner than later!

  22. Mama Via says:

    amen! MrsMoJo! Ya know, if I want already married to my wonderful DH, I’d go chase JUAN…because I just love attorneys! Somehow, Willnot and Slurme slept thru Logic 101!

    First thing they teach you in law school is “never ask a question you don’t know the answer to”! So, anytime Juan asks a question, he already knows EVERYTHING! And he forgets NOTHING! While Slurme is chowing down at Golden Corral, Martinez is slurping soup and memorizing FACTS!

    I can’t help but wonder…maybe Slurme is just following 3-Holes instructions..she’s says “present this thing from McFuckstick” he says “not a good idea” she says “it’s my fukkin life, i said DO IT” and he said “ok, bitch, it’s your fukkin arm the juice is going into!” Remember the point that we got so tired of being abused, that we quit warning our abuser he was headed for the edge of the cliff? Slurme remembers that Deeanna was in Costa Rica…but Einstiney doesn’t…maybe Slurme wants 3-hole to get the DP?

    As usual…great stuff Kelly! The chicken soup is ready for you! Come on now, come eat some Jewish penicillin! It will fix you right up!

    • Connie Rust says:

      Hey Mama….I think u’r on to something there. Nurmi has tried feverishly to get off the case for years. I’m betting that’s not because he wasn’t making enough money. I think the skank is totally in control of the DT strategy. I’ve thought that since the first trial. I totally believe it was her idea to spend 18 days on the stand talking about everything but the price of rice in China. I think Nurmi knew she would hang herself and advised against it. I think there was some truth to that hand written letter (motion) she wrote to not a judge Stephens saying that Nurmi pretty much ignores her lying ass. Heck I’d hang up on her too! And those affidavits…..totally her idea. When Juan suggested that as an option I think she jumped all over it and told Nurmi “let’s get McVermin to lie for me and the good doctor to swear to it”. Her big mistake is that she continues to under estimate the power in the jaws of a pit bull.

      • Shannamac says:

        Yep, I agree with you Connie, I think she runs the show there, and believes she is as good attorney as any writing motions, stratigising, and making the story up as she goes.

  23. renaes24 says:

    Hey Kelly, It’s a brighter day when I wake up to find a new post awaiting me on the computer!
    I had almost given up on following the trial yesterday when the wit-less was ‘passed’ to Juan! What a smack down! I would have given anything to have been in the courtroom just to watch the faces.
    What the hell was Sherry thinking letting in these ‘affidavits’ ? I have only known those to be used in cases where : the witness is totally unavailable due to either extreme sickness or death……or lost in the African bush or something. NEVER like this! I loved how Wilcrap fought to keep most of these ‘affidavits’ in because of Cha-Cha’s ‘experience’! (With that in mind, is it any wonder the sort of ‘witnesses’ she pulls out of her ever enlarging butt?) How the devil did Sherry leave ‘Will-crawl” keep this goof on DIRECT for 6 GD DAYS (ones I will never get back) just going over and over and over his “cycle of abuse” (which to my ears began to sound like ‘circle jerk’ after it was repeated ad-nauseum)? How can Sherry, with a straight face, tell jurors that they would have some FULL DAYS this week, only to start trial half way through the day and have early dismissal planned for today? ENOUGH! Where is the oversight in the Maricopa County Courts?
    (In the background of my mind the song ‘Me and BOBBY McGee keeps playing……hmmmmm…….) All that ‘news’ about Bobby and then the pseudo Hobbitt McGee! Now we know who the ‘wack-off-to-a kid’ sicko really is! Hope he isn’t planning on making New Zealand his home forever……cause if this gets out…….? While I don’t know what their laws are on that stuff, I do know that they won’t even allow you there as a tourist if you have any whiff of a criminal record. They declare you ‘undesirable’ and out you go on the next plane!
    As for a new motion from Numbnuts…..of course he did! I think Cha-Cha brings scads of semi-filled-in motions to court with her in her rolling suitcase! So the only surprise there is that he waited till court was over.
    Guess the heat has been turned up on Hodi as to her retaking the stand. Once again, her witnesses are leaving her down so….what’s a girl to do? She may just get angry enough to decide once again that SHE can take on Juan ! (So much for her ‘low self esteem).
    ……….and YOU, Miss K…..better be drinking your replenishments! We need you here……..especially if and when miss SARAH BERNHART decides she is ‘ready for her close-up’ once again!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai renae: Thank you. The only time I miss live coverage is when Juan is up. Not a judge is just covering her ass on appealable issues. In my opinion that case has waaaaay already sailed, but whatever. Juan never filed to keep them out so he must not be worried about it.

  24. bobbie thompson says:

    I loved it that I saw so many pics of pit bulls in the tweets yesterday. It helped to giggle during the insanity. It also helps to read the comedy that you so eloquently achieve so I don’t vomit at the sick fucks.

    I see this trial going one of two ways. Unfortunately there are still believers in JA DESPITE the proof she’s a liar. I hope that there aren’t any idiot jurors. OR we can hope that they become as furious as the rest of us who see through that bitch’s lies. I see ZERO remorse when you choose to lie to get out of something. Even if all you did was steal some cookies and this is WAY more serious than cookie theft.

    Feel better Kelly it sucks to be sick. (Also, I love the way you managed to invent eleventy billion names for that sick fuck witness #1)

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Bobbie: I honestly think the DP is not going to happen. Hope I’m wrong. Thanks. Have a great night.

  25. Bazzethound says:

    Hey Kelly~ so good to hear from you, although Mama and Dr 13 did a wonderful job substituting for you.

    I have a question: what’s the best way to follow the trial “live”? I’m not very technically smart, so treat me like a defense lawyer and keep your answer on a third grade level!

    Just a thought- we keep focusing on what a fukked up job Stabby’s defense team is doing. I keep reminding myself that THEY CAN’T STAND HER. They will probably be caught popping champagne when JSS announces that Stabby is heading for death row.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Bazzet: Yes they did. The only way is on twitter or facebook really. If twitter follow Jens trial diaries or Jeffrey Gold and on facebook Juan Martinez Prosecutor support page. Yes you are correct about the defense. I’m sure there is going to be a lot of champagne flowing when this is finally disposed of.

  26. Mags Vazquez says:

    Thanks for the blog , this trial is like a twilight zone episode. Shame on the not the jss for allowing such garbage.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Mags: You are welcome. Thanks for reading it. Not a Judge misread the law in my opinion.

  27. HarleyGirl says:

    Thank you so much Kelly. Juan took that little dr. giggles down in an hour after all those days of the timeline of fucken shit. That little lying bitch dr. probably shit himself when Juan started on him. You know Juan brought McFucksticks name up on purpose. Juan does not make mistakes unless he want s to.I had to take 3 tranquilizers because i was getting so fucking mad yesterday. I bet today there is no court because stabby will have a headache. the defense needs to stop Juan for the whole weekend because they need time to rewrite a new script for Dr. Giggles. Kelly, love you and please get well.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Harley: From the pictures I saw it looked like he was praying just before Juan got up. It was funny. wish I had grabbed it. I’m working on well, I promise. Thanks Harley have a great night.

  28. Schaeffer says:

    While testifying for the Whore of Babble On . . . and On . . . and On . . (WOBO), Geffner said they had to “develop her stories” in the course of the interviews he conducted. What a quaint way of saying, “After that ninja story didn’t fly, thanks to that damned prosecutor, the jury of haters, and the irrefutable evidence against WOBO, we had to come up with something else. Luckily, on one of their many trips to the mall (Jenny for her nails, Cha Cha for the sales at Hot Topic and Forever 21) , they each picked up a bunch of pamphlets, because everyone knows the mall is the first place everyone goes for legal advice, and it is also a virtual clearinghouse for facts and information on serious, mall-oriented topics like domestic violence, child abuse, substance abuse, pedophilia, and mental illness, and after the whole team discussed all the possible defenses (okay, okay, excuses) we could float, WOBO said, ‘Hey, let’s go for the whole jackpot and use ALL of the ideas in these pamphlets, so we can blame everyone else for what I did. I am an experienced liar and cheat, so it will be a breeze for me to weave all these things into one big ass mitigation factor! Look what I have managed to make people believe is original artwork worth exorbitant amounts of money, and a reason to live to boot! This is going to be great fun! Maybe I can even get paid Nurmi’s rate if I go pro se for a few weeks! He is raking it in, so imagine how fat my canteen will be after a deal like that!’

    We all agreed with her, because she is so fucking brilliant, who were we to quibble about niggling things like the victim, the victim’s family and friends, the truth, rules of evidence, making a mockery of the justice system, her complete lack of morals, refusing to accept responsibility for the heinous crimes she committed and should rightfully pay for with her life, the careers we hoped to return to eventually . . . you know what I’m talking about. An added benefit of going with mall-dispensed legal advice is we can keep abreast of any new developments in a timely manner; when Jenny and Cha Cha run out to the mall to spend all that money they are making, they can just pick up any new pamphlets that may have come in. In fact, we don’t even say we are filing motions or giving expert testimony anymore; we just say “I am securing the financing for my new Mercedes”, or “This should cover the cost of a new Marc Jacobs outfit, with shoes to match”, or “This should get me that new Chanel bag I’m dying to have, and who knows, maybe even a few days off while we wait on a ruling. Maybe I’ll slip in for one of those spray tans as long as I’m going to be out and about”, or “This should ensure once and for all that I now have enough money that I can wear those fancy socks I’m so fond of only once, and then just throw them away — no need to do laundry!” With all that taken into account, we “developed her story” thus.

    “In reading the pamphlets, Cha Cha and WOBO picked right up on the fact that purple is the color associated with raising awareness of domestic violence, and said “We can use this! We’ll stock up on purple sweaters for WOBO to wear in court to mock the true survivors of domestic violence and antagonize everyone in the court room; select some random, really big words which actually have no bearing on anything and no one (including WOBO, the entire defense team, and the defense experts) can understand, make relevant, or use correctly; make up a bunch of stories — the wilder the better — maligning as many people as possible, but especially those whose lives are infinitely better than WOBO’s is or ever was, because those people had the unmitigated gall to grow up, get an education, work for a living, get and keep jobs that pay anything more than what a really bad waitress makes, become stable, responsible, productive members of society, pay their bills, try very hard to do what is right, form healthy, lasting relationships with their families and friends, and — and this is the thing that REALLY pisses WOBO off — people who insist on telling the TRUTH and refuse to lie for her on command; have everyone practice acting like WOBO suddenly remembered a lifetime of horrific abuse heaped upon her, abuse that was so horrific she had completely blocked it out of her mind until something she read in the pamphlets triggered her memories, from prenatal substance abuse and continuing throughout her life until right this very minute, exempting her from culpability for anything, EVER; find someone — anyone — who is too stupid to understand words or concepts like confessed, guilty, already convicted, reality, truth, perjury, suborning perjury or any of the consequences therein, and is therefore willing to provide completely fabricated testimony, which the defense will provide so the affiant won’t have to come up with anything on their own, and said affidavit will perfectly corroborate whatever bullshit we are selling that day, because we change our minds A LOT, especially in the face of irrefutable facts annoyingly, repeatedly, and unnecessarily brought up by the prosecutor — honestly, can’t he just let a few things slide?; have WOBO prepare the “affidavits” for Cha Cha to smuggle out of prison and forward to the mitigation nit-witnesses to copy in their own handwriting and then return to Cha Cha so she can make them into overheads for the jury; don’t worry if the information in the affidavits is easily exposed as a lie, Cha Cha and WOBO will whip up an addendum which the affiant can then send to the court with a cheery little note saying, ‘Oops! I fucked up when I was remembering something that happened (only in WOBO’s mind) and composing (okay, okay, copying) that first affidavit, but that error (okay, okay, that lie) has apparently been exposed, but this time I really am telling the truth — the REALLY REALLY SUPER REAL TRUTH!!! If anyone says differently, they are lying.’ (Of course, if any addendums are proven to contain yet another falsehood, don’t worry, we will just keep sending in corrections till we get it right, just let somebody on the defense team know.); focus on repeatedly stalling, preferably stopping, the trial so we have plenty of time to confer and ensure we all have our stories (and the defendant’s name) straight, and can say our lines without hesitation, because this stuff is hard to remember exactly as we rehearsed it; if the Court of Appeals or the Supreme Court refuses to hear something we are whining about, have WOBO fake a migraine; and most importantly, never stop repeating EVERYTHING is somebody else’s fault, especially Travis’s and WOBO’s parents, and nothing, absolutely nothing, is ever the fault of WOBO; remember the old adage, a story worth telling is worth telling better; and finally, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MISDIRECTION!

    “Whew!! Now you can understand why I just condensed it to ‘We had to develop her stories during the interviews.'”

    • Love THIS post too! LOL WOBO! Good writers and observers here…

    • Mama Via says:

      Well done, Schaeffer! HUZZAH!!

    • renaes24 says:

      WAY TO GO SCHAEFFER! (I actually tried to read it in one breath and I’m dizzy). You make a good point about why that particular phrase was used!

    • essem58 says:

      Hi Schaeffer déjà vu WOBO !!

      • Schaeffer says:

        I recognized you and Nancy B. — is there anyone else here I might know? I’ve been reading this blog and tried to hold off on commenting as long as I could, but I thought my head was going to explode if I didn’t find a way to vent. Has Donchais completely abandoned ship?

      • essem58 says:

        Yes I’ve seen Nancy B too. I haven’t noticed any of the old CFJ peeps. Don’t know what happened with Donchais I kept going back to see if there had been anything new and stumbled across the really hilarious Kelly et al.

        Gee you must really have been bottled up coz that was an EXPLOSION! Great to see you here.

    • Wow Schaeffer, that was good. I could almost see that happening right in front of my eyes! If you watched today’s ‘episode’ of ‘How the Stomach Churns’ live from the Maricopa County Courthouse gallery….I’m sure you saw Juan blowing their house of cards down…ALL DAY!

  29. Shannamac says:

    I liked your post today and the visuals are so real, as I am reading the post I am thinking “yeah I remember when he caught the good boy treat in the air, that was great”.

  30. Christine Beswick says:

    Hey girl, thanks for the recap! Been on another deadline and have not had chance to get into trial too much this week. Laugh I thought I’d die! Hey, did everybody already send the mug money? Do I owe you? I know I said I wanted two, keep forgetting to ask, let me know 🙂 Nice to see you back with some killer work! no pun intended lol

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Christine. No they aren’t ready yet. I got the proof and it was printed wrong so they had to retool. Hopefully by the end of next week.

      • Christine Beswick says:

        Oh thats crummy, but YAY can’t wait!! I love how sharp they looked, so crisp. I was thinking of getting some done, or something like it for our PTA, is it an online guy you are going with or someone in Ont?

  31. Oh. My. God. I love your writing and descriptions. Cracks my dam self up! I sit here at my desk laughing out loud like a hellish hyena as I look around, THANKFUL, that I work from home – alone – and there is no one around to see me in my state of hyena-ness.

    Some of my personal faves from this blog entry…just to name a couple:

    “Detective Flores is in the background saying several prayers that somebody can find a case of good boy treats or the vet with the tranquilizer darts.”

    “Juan, who is now pacing like a lion in a very small cage, roars at Geffner that there were three pages of notes from your associate and in them Fuckface McBullshit told a different story. And BAM!! Faster than anyone could have anticipated the pit bull had ripped apart lie 1. Not only did he rip it apart, turns out that Pigdog McVomit is actually the pedophile. I’ll be filing that away for after this is over.”

    “Apparently Douchbag McFuckstick is a little less than intelligent than Einstein because in his original statement, the dates he said he SAW Travis assault Deanna she was in Costa Rica. The DT caught it in time to get him to send an amendment and those dates didn’t work either. I peed a little as the pitbull very succinctly put the smack down on lie number 2.”

    Brilliantly colorful! I love it! I swear, you have got to have a hidden camera in that courtroom that you watch because I’m always so impressed how well you capture the day’s event from up there in the frozen tundra. It’s masterful! My own little sidebar: I’m originally from eastern Washington state, the Colville Indian Rez, which is located about 40 miles below Penticton so I kind of sorta know tundra but not as well as you do. I’m currently in Los Angeles so my skin has thinned when it comes to the cold – my mom gets so irritated with me over that! I swear if it were in her venacular she’d tell me to NUT UP AND SHUT THE HELL UP! Anyway, moving on.

    Can I just tell you that coming to the end of one of your blogs and the realization that I have to wait for the next one makes me feel the same way I do when I finish a Netflix original series. Like how I felt on Monday when the end credits started to roll on the last episode of the last season of “Orange Is the New Black.” Heavy sigh.

    But, yippee skippee…the good news is, your next blog is forthcoming within a matter of hours! I don’t have to wait until June 2015 like I do for the next season of OITNB.

    However, if this thing is still dragging on in March heading towards June…I have a feeling; there will be nothing on the table for the jury to consider because surely someone will skip the security checkpoint, get in that courtroom and do irreparable harm to that whackjob stabby.

  32. By the way…sorry to hear you are sick. I hope you GET WELL SOON! I got sick on Xmas eve and the dam sick IS still hanging on like its going for broke. I can’t seem to shake it and its pissing me off, like since…Xmas day.

    I guess, however, I should just be thankful that it’s not the measles because that’s been all the range down here in SoCal.

  33. Jen Kane says:

    Kelly is going to have a field day with the whole issue of masturbation on knees issue. Oy vey. Lol

  34. CarlT says:

    Hope you’re feeling better! Can not wait to get you and Paul’s take on today’s events! I can already tell it’s gonna be a good one!

  35. Another brilliant and funny read, Kelly! It was so good that I could not tell you were sick by reading it. That’s a compliment, by the way. When I’m feeling really bad, it interferes with my concentration and I would not be able to write. Especially to write and make it worth someone’s time to read the danged thing. But you described the day with not only clarity, but made me laugh out loud.

    I had started the day (yesterday) actually dreading it, knowing that Willsnot was back to asking the same old questions for the 1,250th time. Her voice grates on my last nerve almost as much as the outdoor toilets did when I was a kid! I can’t describe the torture we endured to go to the toilet in freezing weather. (We didn’t call it the ‘bathroom’. No baths in that stinky thing. Just the toilet.) Its hard to lift a coat while wearing gloves and then pull your panties down while holding the coat up. And that seat…colder than the North Pole! Can you believe Willlsnot’s voice, to me, is worse than THAT?
    Well, it is!

    Every time I hear her ‘annnnnnddddd’s I grit my teeth. I’ve grinded them down to the nerves. Finally tho’, Juan got up and I felt so much better as he smacked down those lies! I slept better too, knowing that the next day…the pit bull would be still smacking down lies. I gotta go now, Kelly. I’ve still got the your other blog for today to read. And Paul’s. I really hope the antibiotic is starting to kick in, Kelly. I want you well. Thanks for writing this while being sick. I admire you!

    From Judy, down in East Tennessee near the great Smoky Mountains.

  36. dfarrar50 says:

    Love your columns! I just read your interview with Christine over at the Examiner and will never read another word that woman writes! She is so jealous of you because people love you.
    Please never stop writing!

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