Had to pull SFS. There was a conflict I was unaware of and in order to not hurt anybodies feelings I have removed it. I would like to say I had no idea that it was a conflict. I will try and do a different one tomorrow.
Good night everybody.
Had to pull SFS. There was a conflict I was unaware of and in order to not hurt anybodies feelings I have removed it. I would like to say I had no idea that it was a conflict. I will try and do a different one tomorrow.
Good night everybody.
Hai everybody. Tis me, your missing Dean of Fuckery/Law Professor/Queen of the region of mean/resident sarcasm expert. I just wanted to drop a quick note and thank from the bottom of my cold dead heart Blue, Mama, and Renae for holding the fort while I was gone as well as thanking Schaeffer for the brilliant and insightful guest blog spots. I hope to see many more of them.
A huge and heartfelt thank you to Blue for taking care of the kingdom and to Mama and Renae for the incomparable wit and grace holding things together in my absence. Regularly scheduled programming returns tomorrow and I hope to see all of you here.
As always, guest blogs are welcomed and encouraged.
Schaeffer: Your guest spots were absolutely wonderful and I sincerely mean it when I say I hope to see many more guest spots from you. Thank you so much for picking up the slack for me. I truly appreciate the time and effort you put into you writing.
See you all tomorrow for Sick Fuck Saturday….it’s a surprise.
RBMD peacing the fuck out.
Who are the other two women sharing your fate?
Let’s start with introducing Wendi Andriano. Andriano and her husband managed the San Riva Apartments in Ahwatukee. Her husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Andriano was tired of caring for him, so she poisoned him. When that wasn’t working fast enough, she stabbed him and beat him to death with a bar stool.
Juan Martinez, the same man who is now trying to put you on death row, went after Wendi in 2004. I’m sure you will both have a lot to talk about!
Next is Shawna Forde. She and her vigilante group burst into a home in southern Arizona, hoping to steal drug money to fund their anti-illegal immigrant activities. But there was no drug money, and she and her accomplices shot and killed a man and his 9-year-old daughter. Shawna has been on Death a Row since 2011.
If you receive death, you three women, all found guilty of terrible crimes, will all be awaiting your final punishment. All three of you will be in various stages of appealing your cases, but, honestly, Jodi, I wouldn’t give any of you a snowballs chance in hell of ever being released. In fact, I wouldn’t give you much chance of gaining your “freedom” by being put to death, either! The last woman executed in Arizona was Eva Dugan back in 1930. poor thing, when she was hanged, the hangman made a mistake, and she was actually decapitated by the noose when she dropped through the trap door. Pity.
Other Useful information
The cell
Meals
Inmates are fed 19 meals a week, three meals a day Monday through Friday and only two meals a day on the weekend. Death row and maximum security inmates eat all of their meals in their cells. There is no cafeteria-style setting.
Life
Inmates on death row in Arizona have access to recreation three times a week for periods of two hours at a time. So if you are given the death penalty, you will get a total of six hours per week outside your cell. Just so you are aware, the outdoor recreation areas are pretty small — not much bigger than the cells — and you will spend this time alone. But on non-recreation days, inmates are limited to their cell and could spend up to 24 hours at a time in there. Other privileges allowed to prisoners are pretty basic:
Showers
Inmates are allowed to shower three times a week. Showers are next to the cells and inmates usually shower after their recreation periods. Inmates shower alone.
Contact with outside
Maximum security inmates get one 15-minute phone call per week and calls are made from the cell with a phone that is brought to the inmate. But all inmates are allowed to send and receive mail. All inmates are limited to one non-contact, two-hour visit per week, during which the inmate can only speak to the visitor through glass.
List of Things Not to Bring (or Won’t Ever Have)
Sent from Out in Left Field
Does anyone know how to get in touch with Nurmi? I have written his closing argument. (Since he has adopted an “I want to be like Juan” posture, he will refer to himself in the third person.)
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, it appears the State of Arizona, and especially that meanie Juan Martinez, want The Whore of Babble On and On and On (WOBO) to pay for the brutal murder of Travis Alexander, and this is wholly unacceptable. After all, she only did “one bad thing.” How bad can one thing be? The world has always been against this poor woman, and despite her unshakable belief in her own intelligence and her own magnificent specialness, she struggles with many common concepts, such as responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth.
Even though she struggles with the concepts of responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth, she does have an encyclopaedic knowledge of fucking, and in fact, considers it her most charming quality and marketable skill. She wholeheartedly believes it, and it alone, should serve as a life-sparing mitigating factor in your deliberations. Allow me to explain.
Testimony from the defendant and several paid witnesses has clearly established she has only a passing acquaintance with the concepts of responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth. She has never had or done anything valuable or worthwhile in her entire life. She has never had a career, only jobs any 16 year old could get, with employers who fired her for stealing from them or for not showing up — which, by the way, are completely persecutorial and unjustifiable actions. She claims to have been an artist, a photographer, and a victim of domestic violence. However, it has become evident what she really means is she had a box of crayons and some tracing paper, the ability to scrawl an eight letter word (which she didn’t understand, but hey, she spelled it correctly) on a plain white t-shirt, a cell phone, and a propensity for taking selfies of herself fucking.
Hell, because she struggles so with the concepts of responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth, she couldn’t even join a religion correctly. She unwisely chose to convert to one of the most restrictive Western religions, while living in a city which is a stronghold of that faith. Despite several instructional meetings with missionaries from The LDS Church, and constantly toting around and pretending to study both The Book of Mormon and The Bible, her interpretation of Church doctrine was, “fuck the brains out of a devout member, stalk, blackmail, and terrorize him, no need to bother with pesky things like the basic tenets of Mormonism or the ever popular 10 Commandments.” Despite the fact that The Book of Mormon is excruciatingly clear on its foundational tenets, especially something called The Vow of Chastity — which anyone can tell by its use of the word “vow” is merely a general idea, open to individual interpretation — this poor woman thought it meant, “these are just a few suggestions, but they don’t apply to ‘special’ people, so if you are indeed ‘special’ do whatever the fuck you want.” See how she can work “fucking” into anything? That is talent. Surely you can see that her lifelong struggle with the concepts of responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth, struggles which also manifested themselves in her interpretation of what makes an artist, a photographer, and a victim, carried over into her interpretation of religious doctrine, doctrine which has stood for centuries and which is abundantly clear to anyone else, just not to her.
While she has had a lifelong struggle with the concepts of responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth, WOBO has had one concept which she has clearly understood, and, with the exception of the tough spot in which she now finds herself, has stood her in good stead: she is a hell of a fuck. She has always been able to fuck herself into and out of any situation. However, she has now finally come upon a situation she cannot fuck her way out of, and it is just not fair. Since she was able to fuck her way into Travis Alexander’s life, she should be able to fuck her way out of the consequences for murdering him. Since the defendant has never accepted responsibility for anything she has ever done, it is unfair to make her start off with such a big thing. Maybe, just maybe (but probably not), if she had any previous experience accepting responsibility for some small things, she could have worked her way up to accepting responsibility for first degree premeditated murder, with the death penalty as a very real option, but she hasn’t, so cut her some slack! It has been her only currency in life, and now she is just supposed to come up with a new way to pay for her actions? Like with her life? Come on! Surely you can see her ability to fuck is a mitigating factor!
On top of everything else, even though the defendant has always been able to fuck her way into and out of any situation, that strategy is just not working, especially with her lead counsel, and she is about at her wit’s end. Her lead attorney has steadfastly refused to fuck her. He will not fuck her with penile-vaginal penetration, penile-anal penetration, or even a quick blow job. (To be fair, though, she couldn’t have found his dick with a 10 foot pole– no pun intended– well, maybe intended just a little bit — during the first eight years of their association.) Since being arrested, she has successfully seduced her second chair counsel, her mitigation specialist, all the experts the defense has paraded her in front of, many inmates at the Estrella jail, and several members of the public, but it is just not working with her lead counsel. She has been relentless in her efforts to manipulate him into any kind of sex, because she has no other coping skills (unless you count cold blooded murder). He loves to talk dirty, which the defendant initially took as a good sign, but he just won’t give it up. He refuses to fuck her, and for some unfathomable reason, the court refuses to accept that as a reasonable excuse to get him replaced with a more susceptible and willing-to-fuck new lead counsel, no matter how many times they have both petitioned for it. However, since he really does love to talk dirty, repeatedly and wildly inappropriately, making it seem like it is a real issue even though nothing could be further from the truth, he did agree to proceed with a defense strategy based on the twin pillars of “fucking for fun and profit,” and “the son of a bitch had it coming because he would fuck me but he wouldn’t marry me, he wouldn’t even acknowledge I had been his girlfriend for a very brief time more than a year ago, and that is really chapping my ass all these years later, because damnit, I wrote in my diary I loved him over and over again!”
And of course, the prosecutor is completely contemptuous of the defendant. He would not fall under her spell when she testified, he keeps tripping up her defense experts when they lie, he exposed her forged letter gambit before it ever really got off the ground, he obliterated her “perjury by affidavit” scam, and he refuses to bend the rules for the defendant, apparently because he just does not appreciate her magnificent specialness. He keeps insisting she should not only accept responsibility for her crime, but pay for it, too. It is flat out unreasonable and just downright mean to make her start off with such a big thing. Jeez! Come on Mr. Martinez, give her a break!
So in closing, let’s just review the life of the defendant. She has had a lifelong struggle with the concepts of responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth. (Given her interpretation of the words victim and survivor, maybe she has trouble with the English language, also. What the heck, just throw that in when you start deliberations.) She is an inveterate liar, a master manipulator, irresponsible, juvenile, and a bitch, but she is one hell of a fuck. While all these skills proved extremely successful in the outside world, and might in fact be beneficial in prison, too, how will she be able to maximize her potential if she is on death row? To date, she has not had a great deal of luck with the men and women of the Arizona Department of Corrections. They have insisted, quite unreasonably, that she has to follow the same rules and regulations as everyone else, that she is forbidden from smuggling contraband in and out of the jail, and they will probably be even more hard assed about things in Perryville, especially if she is on death row.
I ask you, ladies and gentleman of the jury, is it fair to execute a special someone with a long history of struggling with the concepts of responsibility, accountability, rules, and most especially, the truth? She only did “one bad thing.” As you can tell, as you no doubt picked up on during this trial, WOBO and all her sycophants believe strongly that if you just say something over and over, it makes it true. So just keep saying to yourselves, “She is magnificent. She is special. She is magnificently special. And boy can she fuck!”
1) During visiting, inmates shall dress in accordance with Rule 33-602.101, F.A.C. Permanent inmates assigned to reception centers may wear a white shirt and white trousers during visitation. Inmates at work release centers whose work assignments are at the center may wear white shirts and white trousers during visitation.
(2) Inmates shall be strip-searched before and after visiting. Staff will conduct searches in accordance with Rule 33-602.204, F.A.C.
(3) Inmates shall not visit with anyone other than their authorized visitors.
(4) The inmate shall not pass items to another inmate or to a visitor or accept items from another inmate or a visitor except as specified in Rule 33-601.727, F.A.C.
(5) Inmates shall not be loud, boisterous, threatening, or disorderly during a visit or while in the visiting area.
(6) Inmates may briefly embrace and kiss each visitor once at the beginning and end of each visit.
(a) Inmates may hold their small children or the children of their visitors.
(b) Inmates and their visitors may hold hands if the holding of hands can be observed by visiting park staff. However, the holding of hands in either the visitor’s or inmate’s lap is prohibited.
(c) No other forms of affection or physical contact between inmates and visitors are authorized.
Sent from Out in Left Field
Sorry everybody, this sicks got the best of me. I’m fine. Just feel sick. I will go read the comments I have missed and be back in a bit. Don’t forget we are supposed to have trial tomorrow.
Sorry I scared everyone. I’m going to hook BWR up with my neighbor so if something like this occurs again they can let you Know.
Hai everybody. Sorry, I’m really tired, so I’m taking the day off. I will of course be kicking around if anybody needs me once I get back from my world wide tour of the internet, I have to move that plane again, take my train track pc walk, head over to Calgary and feed my reindeer.
I have homework. Check out Dalia Dippolito, she got granted a new trial (because the justice system in Florida is truly, truly fucked up.) I’m trying to find out when her new trial starts. We could have some fun with this one.
Holmes also. Those are the two I am seriously debating right now, and maybe Broderick. Let me know.
I will see you guys tomorrow.
RBMD peacing the fuck out
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(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories
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