Really, you don’t turn your phone off in court Cha Cha?
Todays post is brought to you by the letters S, I, and A.
Hai everybody. It’s me, your law professor/Dean of Fuckery/doctor of doctoring/sarcasm expert/researcher extraordinaire/Queen of the region of Mean. I spent the day taking notes. Notes, and notes and notes. I think I may have carpel tunnel syndrome (I don’t have documentation for that.) I learned a lot of things today. The most important things I learned today were to always keep the Pretoria puke bucket handy and that Alfred E. (who from now on will be referred to with whatever S,I or A word I can think of at that moment) is going to hell. Maybe 20 years from now, maybe he’ll get hit by an icecream truck getting a Mr. Softy, maybe his heart will explode at an all you can eat buffet. Whatever happens to Mr. Slimebag, he’s going to hell for what he did today.
I don’t want to get into a theological discussion about hell, maybe it exists, maybe it doesn’t, maybe it is in our own heads. Just mark my words when I tell you that the universe does not take kindly to what happened in court today. I do not as a general rule offend easily. I have an extraordinary ability to see everything from the other persons point of view as well as my own. It takes something major to offend me. My feelings get hurt, I get angry, I get maudlin, but I do not get offended. Until today. The remainder of the 4 idiots of the apocalypse can save him a seat if they get there first. And no, before this little bit of writing gets taken out of context I’m not threatening anyone. Wishful thinking, oh you bet, but I’m not making any threats.
So ChaCha forgot that silent is an option on her phone in court today and this happened. At least we all know what her ringtone is now…omglolroflmao.
Bishop Vernon Parker was called to the stand. Sexual deviant attorney was up because there was sex stuff to be discussed. He started out asking Bishop Parker about his responsibilities and if his position is prominent and he is looked up to. Bishop Parker, who is in his late 60’s early 70’s according to two separate sources (those things you are supposed to have when you make statements of fact) seemed uncomfortable on the stand. Alfred E. Asshat asked about what the role of a Bishop was and he dripped sarcasm doing so. And I was offended for the first time today. Alfred. E Isadick continued to hammer at the Bishop about the fact that people look up to him. The Bishop answered very politely that his role was to help guide people and not to receive admiration. Alfred E. Analwart was being aggressive to the point where the jury noticed when he asked about temple worthiness and what kind of disciplines are handed down. He then asked the Bishop, THE BISHOP, if he was an honest man. I heard a hundred people collectively gasp in their heads. The Bishop still with his quiet dignity answered yes. Alfred. E sickerthanshit jumped all over that answer with why the Bishop felt a need to bring an attorney with him. That of course was answered on Wednesday if you recall. It was because certain questions regarding parish people cannot be answered and the lawyer was there on the off chance that the Bishop wasn’t sure. He is trying to discredit the Bishop simply because he has an attorney there, and by the looks of things it is going over like a lead balloon. The Jury is completely stone faced. Alfred E. Ick asked if a sinner can baptize someone. The Bishop answered yes if they lied their way through. There is very little note taking during the blatant fuckery going on at this particular moment in time. Asshole asked if someone without a temple recommend could perform a baptism. The Bishop said yes in a church just not in a temple as long as the Bishop approves following a brief interview.
Alfred E. Shithead asked the Bishop if he recalled Travis lived with him for 6-9 months. The Bishop calmly says he remembers saying that but that he corrected his statement if Alfred E remembers that. Alfred. E almost yelled “Did Mr. Martinez tell you to say that?” That would be the moment Juan busted his muzzle, snapped the chain holding him to the prosecution table, ate the dart the vet deployed and roared OBJECTION!! Alfred E. Idiot jumped backwards and straight up about 6 feet and decided that now would be a good time to change the line of questioning. And maybe his depends. Moving on to the computer he said was it located in the living room. The raging pitbull sat down and one of the bailiffs tried distracting him with his favorite nurmi chew toy. The Bishop confirmed it was in the living room and anyone could use it. Alfred E. Asshat says the Bishop can’t keep his stories straight about who slept there to which the pitbull once again reared his mighty head and roared objection. Not a Judge Stephens sustained it in record time.
And that would be when the Macarena busted out in court. And Cha Cha took the call. IN COURT.
Alfred E. Scumbag is being a complete and total dick to the Bishop and this may not be the witness to act like that with. Just sayin’. Bishop Parker said that everyone suspected that it was Jake that was responsible for the pop-ups on the computer. Alfred E is actually yelling, YELLING at Bishop Parker to be honest. Juan is fighting hard to protect the Bishop and as it turns out despite a bit of confusions as to dates the Bishop remained completely adamant that Travis never used his computer. You have to remember that this is an old man, this all happened 14 years ago, and he had no idea that something as innocent as computer usage should be committed to memory. Wonder if Alfred E. can remember what he ate at sizzler 14 years ago. The Jury still looks very disapproving. Then Alfred E. brought out the stuff for which I hope that he burns in hell for. Alfred. E spent a great deal of time asking things and then when the Bishop started to answer he would bark I have no question pending. That would be out of the Juan Martinez handbook. They do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery right?
All aboard the sex train because that is what some low level mediocre sex crimes specialist does. Conductor shithead put on his conductor hat and proceeded to try and give the Bishop a heart attack. He proceeded to ram home (sorry) every act of sexual deviance that was ever performed by Stabby and Travis. He went into lurid and uncalled for detail. He talked about anal, oral, and vaginal penetration. Facials, ass poundings, the sex tape, and when he was done and he Bishop was the color of slightly off cottage cheese he sweetly asked if those would be considered a no no in the Mormon Church. The Bishop answered. How about anal ignorant fuck continued. Is that less of a transgression? the Bishop answered that a sexual transgression is a sexual transgression, which of course Alfred E. already knew. If someone is having sex, does that make them less desirable as a partner. The Bishop answers that he can’t answer that. The Bishop by now is very obviously uncomfortable.
Is Deanna Reid married with Children was the next question, which of course was to allude that because she had sex she was not suitable marriage material. The Bishop answered that she was not.
Asshole E. then went back to Travis and Stabby having sex and the type of sex they were having. He wants to know what the Bishop would have done. The Bishop said that they would have had to discuss it and he would decide what to do. He is trying to get the Bishop to say that Travis should have been disciplined more harshly because he had more transgressions. the Bishop said probation could have happened which means he couldn’t give message or receive sacrament or could be ex communicated.
With that Juan was up. And by up I mean he was completely beside himself angry.
Juan brings of the defense deposition of the Bishop and we have an objection and immediate sidebar. The objectomatic made a very strange almost screechy noise when it deployed. Apparently somebody doesn’t want the depo entered into evidence. The defense was over ruled and Juan continued. He began his trademark pace. was the prosecution present at this deposition. The Bishop said no. Who was present at the deposition? Stabby, Jenny, Alfred E. the Bishop and his attorney. Stabby is looking sicker and sicker by the moment. A migraine may be coming on any second now.
Nurmi doesn’t want the exhibit admitted to which not a Judge Stephens said tough tittie and it went into evidence. Juan, who was not at the deposition reads the transcript. It says the Bishop was asked if his story changed. Juan, still pacing said you were asked over and over if having your lawyer present caused you to change your story at the deposition. Juan smacks it up on the overhead and isadick objects like Juan just smashed a frosted chocolate cake. After the sidebar which Juan won we went back to the overhead. Question: has anyone within your church advised you to hold back information. answer NO. Juan moved quickly to another exhibit and of course there is another objection and sidebar. (is there free food up there or something?) Again Alfred E. Analwart is overruled and deposition two is smacked up onto the overhead like Juan would like to beat it to death. Question – Does the name Marc McFuckstick’s brides name ring a bell. Answer by Bishop Parker – yes. Who is she. answer: She moved in after Travis moved out.
Juan moved away from the overhead and paced back and forth. He addressed the Bishop. Was Stabby as guilty of serial transgressions as Travis was? Do the same rules apply? Yes. The affidavit from Marc McFuckface said that he arranged for his soon to be wife to live with the Bishop. The bishop said no, the girls father made those arrangements NOT Marc.
Juan next took the interview between the defense and the Bishop and shook it in his steel trap jaws until it was in fifty million pieces, ascertaining that the Bishop was not being dishonest, the defense failed to ask specific questions. Good old Alfred E is objecting to everything and being shot down in flames.
Juan moved to admit and email between Travis and Deanna and the objectomatic finally gave it up. Overuse will kill a spring loaded seat really fast apparently. And we have sidebar 15 or so for the day. Once again the objection appeared to be overruled since Juan didn’t change gear as is his way when an objection doesn’t go his way. There was a question asked on the deposition about Travis emailing Deanna from the Bishops home computer. The Bishop stated that Travis went to friends houses to email Deanna. No wonder the defense didn’t want that in the record. Kind of undermines the whole Travis used the computer thing.
A recess was called and all the main players trooped into chambers. Eventually they came back, nobody knows why they were there. Anybody want to play 20 guesses. I was hoping the finally just gave it up, but apparently not.
Juan who had actually eaten one of the vets darts was definitely not feeling the effects as he tore into some email between the Bishop and Marc McFullofshit- Nurmi is objecting to this because of time zones. YUP you read that correctly. Don’t even ask me, I just report this shit.
The Bishop said that Marc was good with computers. He also emphatically stated that Marc Mcliarliarpantsonfire were not friends, did not hang out and wasn’t sure that they even knew each other. Turns out the Bishop never ever, ever saw Deanna with Marc and that Travis and Linda never hid their relationship from anybody. They were extremely open about it. At that point Stabby looked like she would be very happy if the earth would open up and just take her home to Satan now.
There were some Jury Questions;
Is the person committing a sexual transgression worthy of being baptized into the church.
Is there disciplinary action taken against anyone that is perceived to have put into question the integrity of the church
Were any records of people kept in your home? NO
did the church track who lived there? NO
Do people living in home sign an agreement? NO
Would other people in the church be assigned a lawyer to protect the integrity of the church? depends on the position.
And with that Court adjourned until 10 am tomorrow.
Have a great night everyone
RBMD peacing the fuck out.