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The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Re-Trial The Fucktards Of The World Unite Edition

Dr. DeMarte is quite possibly the best expert witness in the history of ever -Arizona

Hai Everybody.  Your Law Professor/Dean of Fuckery/Doctor of Doctoring/PhD of Sarcasm/ Stabby hater extraordinaire/and purveyor of facts is back to regale you with yet more tales from the courtroom.  Before we get to that, I have a question.  The coffee mugs.  I cancelled the order because of the bullshit that was being bandied about regarding my character, but have since reconsidered because fuck them.  If I don’t complete the order I am on the hook for a 200 set up charge (I have documentation for that) which they are willing to let me pay a little at a time, or I can go ahead with my original plan and order them.  As I have said a hundred million times, I do not want payment up front, I want to wait till I have them, but does anybody still want them?  If you do then I will go ahead and get them.  If not that is cool too.  Just please let me know.

CarlT came up with the perfect video for today and POINTS for Carl cuz this shit is funny.  I dedicate it to those of you that know who you are. Nobody on this blog.  I sincerely hope you enjoy it because I sincerely mean it. Sincerely.

Now, on to todays fuckery. Alfred E. was up to bat and started the day with good morning to Dr. DeMarte. She declined to reply. Alfred E let his douche flag fly immediately when he said I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. You could tell right away that it was going to be a spectacularly antagonistic day just by that one interaction. Alfred. E. Isadick demanded Dr. DeMarte’s CV since going over it infinitum yesterday apparently wasn’t good enough and also if there is one thing that good old Nurmi can do, it is waste time.

He asked about a couple of other Death Penalty cases that she worked on and when pressed she said with a lot of snark that it was 3 cases. Alfred E. actually called her a defacto Dr. Death. Juan immediately lost his mind and was darted without incident. Nurmi asked her how many hours she had put into this case and DeMarte who was definitely NOT THE ONE today answered “several”. It was becoming very apparent that Dr. DeMarte and Alfred E Numnuts may actually hate each other. Not just strongly dislike, but hate. He asked her how much she makes an hour and she answered $300 and worked more than 50 but less than a hundred hours on this case.

Nurmi Suggested that violent relationships follow a pattern to which the good doctor vehemently disagreed. He then had her define physical and emotional abuse because someone in another courtroom or on the street or in another state might not by now know the definitions of those fucking terms. He actually asked her to explain the law of attraction and I laughed so hard I hurt my side (I don’t have documentation for that) when she said that it is not a psychological practicum.

Dr. DeMarte said that personality disorders are enduring and begin early in life. Nurmi is intent on riding the mental illness train and when Dr. DeMarte says she prefers the term psychological disorder the Anal Wart of the defense team says “you understand that I don’t care about your preferences”. I fully expected the pitbull to stand up, march over to Nurmi and punch him directly in the face, but Detective Flores, dog handler extraordinaire managed to get the catch pole on him before that could happen. Nurmi then said that Dr. DeMarte did not diagnose Stabby as having adjustment disorder. He told her to look at the last page of her notes. She began her answer with I think and Alfred E. was all up in her face again with I don’t care what you think and Juan roared an objection that was probably heard in New Mexico. Alfred E. was being so aggressive that it was definitely turning the Jury off in a big way. Because he is a fucking tool he failed to notice. He asked if borderline personality disorder is a serious mental illness and she agrees that it is. Dr. DeMarte is holding up well under what I can only describe as an outright attack.
Dr. Demarte says that Nurmi is only reading part of the report and not where she diagnosed adjustment disorder. Alfred E. asked if she needed to read it again. She said no, but maybe he needed to read it again. I think the court reporter wanted to high five her right there but it would have been bad form.

Alfred E. was positively dripping sarcasm, or maybe salsa from last nights Taco Bell as he tried to get in that Geffner said that the PTSD test was a diagnostic impression and not a diagnosis. Wait what? They have been saying since the first trial that the bitch had PTSD, now she doesn’t? The Jurors certainly didn’t miss it because everybody took notes on that one.

Alfred E. Asshat asked if BPD makes a person childlike? Dr. DeMarte stated emphatically that she never testified to that. Are BPD’s emotional? DeMarte said yes. 10 minute break.

Back from the break Nurmi is riding this Borderline Personality Disorder right into the ground. He asked if some people are born vulnerable to the disorder (now it’s a disorder again, guess he forgot that his special little snowflake is mentally ill) Dr. DeMarte says yes it could develop in those who are genetically predisposed if the persons feelings are continuously invalidated. Asked for examples in Stabby’s background DeMarte said that Stabby and her parents did not agree. When parents don’t understand why the child is upset and sais stop it it perpetuates the environment. BPD is hard on parents and they do not know how to react.

Dr. DeMarte explains the fear of abandonment and the fact that Stabby felt a need to constantly check Travis’ myspace account and emails. She also suggests that Stabby got her boob job and new car while with Daryl in an attempt to hang on to him. With Matt McCartney when he told her the relationship was over she reacted by extremely idealizing him. Stabby told Dr. DeMarte she could change depending on who she dated.

Nurmi next demanded proof from Dr. DeMarte that Stabby had suicidal ideations. Zenya(the chick from yesterday)mentioned that Stabby wrote a suicidal letter in High School, she wrote about wanting to die in her own journals and mom of Stabby said she had called her and said she wanted to die. There was no evidence that Stabby got any help for that. Lunch was mercifully called and both Juan and Dr. DeMarte were led away without incident.

Once court reconvened Nurmi wanted to know about Stabby’s relationships with earlier boyfriends. He asked if it was true that Stabby broke it off with Brewer. Dr. DeMarte said she couldn’t recall. From yesterday I remember her saying that Daryl wanted distance from Stabby. Asshole, I mean Nurmi hs now picked a fight about the amount of cordial stabby remained with many of her ex boyfriends. He actually said to Dr. DeMarte “I understand you are not aware of much but, and he was cut off by a thunderous objection which was sustained in record time.

Dr.DeMarte said Stabby breaking up with Daryl and going right to Travis was part of the pattern of Borderline Personality Disorder. Nurmi stated that she turned herself into a worker for PPL, converted to Mormonism and became his sexual plaything in order to please him and totally not because she was a conniving slut with one or more STD’s.

Next he questioned her about the supposed PTSD. Can someone with BPD also have PTSD. DeMarte said that yes it can happen. But Stabby doesn’t suffer from PTSD according to our interpretation of the testing. DeMarte says that is correct. Nurmi wants to know when is the best time to Diagnose PTSD? DeMarte says there is no set time. She is getting a little hostile herself because Numbnuts keeps trying to put words in her mouth.

ChaCha is holding poor little Stabbykins as the mean old state witness shreds her totally made up mitigating factors. Dr. DeMarte says that the way Stabby described the Bobby Juarez incident wasn’t PTSD. Nurmi slides in there that Travis kicked, choked, slapped and grabbed Stabby’s shoulders, which has zero to do with what they are talking about right now.

Since none of the questions he has asked thus far seem to be going his way, Alfred E. Eatadick decided to attack the length of time Dr. DeMarte has been practicing. He iasked if she had been licensed for about a year when giving Stabby the initial tests. DeMarte said NO it WAS a year. Nurmi tried again. Well, about a year. NO, IT WAS A YEAR was the answer, again.

He wanted to know if DeMarte was aware that their expert was licensed in 1980? Are you aware they are published in and the pitbull roared objection and the vet deployed another dart.

Nurmi isn’t giving up on this line of questioning because maybe he can make the jury think she doesn’t know what she is talking about. He asked if she did lectures or peer reviews when you were testing Stabby. She said no and we had a sidebar. Back from sidebar Nurmi continued the character assassination (this seems to be a running theme) So you didn’t publish, do research or give lectures on PTSD. DeMarte answered that was correct. Nurmi then tried to have her disqualified as an expert witness to which Sometimes Judge Stephens told him to eat a dick and ask a fucking question. Nurmi told her that both of the doctors that diagnosed Stabby with PTSD had over 30 years of experience (and wheelbarrows full of money). Juan calls for a sidebar since Nurmi seems to be the one testifying.

Back from the sidebar Alfred E. Asshat seems to have toned it down maybe a little. He asked if you can’t just look at someone and say whether they have PTSD? You have to be trained right? DeMarte agreed to that statement. Nurmi pointed out again that the doctor had only one year of training when she interviewed Stabby. You were only licensed for a year when you gave Stabby her tests? Dr. DeMarte may need a dart from the vet soon because she is getting a little fed up with this questioning. She said that experience doesn’t come the minute you become licensed. She fended off all accusations that she was not inexperienced and she kept her cool while doing so.

Changing gears again Nurmi asked why Dr. DeMarte did not read Travis’ journals. She retorts that she was not hired to evaluate Mr. Alexander. He then asked if Travis was abused wouldn’t that be important. Juan at this point objected that this is not mitigating factors. There is yet another sidebar and the guiness world record book just tore out their last page and started a new one. After the sidebar, DeMarte reiterates that she was hired to evaluate Stabby not Travis. Nurmi then says, and I’m not kidding, “so your case review is incomplete?” DeMarte comes back immediately with No, I was evaluating Stabby.

Moving on to victims of domestic violence Alfred E asks if victims don’t always report. DeMarte agrees that this is true. Nurmi said that Travis was telling people he didn’t want Stabby around but he continued to contact her (take that however you want, me I will be visiting the puke bucket). DeMarte stated that Travis did not like her intrusive behavior. Do you think Travis loved Stabby? DeMarte said that in her opinion that he did early in the relationship. The jury is no longer taking notes. Nurmi seems to think that Travis not only knew that Stabby had BPD but took advantage of it to have sex with her. Dr. DeMarte shook her head and emphatically said NO! Nurmi asked the Dr. about Travis portraying himself as a virgin. She agreed that he wasn’t telling people he was having sex. She does however disagree that he was selling himself as a virgin, he just wasn’t advertising he was having sex.

Nurmi brings up a text where he talks to Michelle about an invasion of privacy but that he was still having sex with Stabby at that time. DeMarte replied that he liked having sex with her because she was willing to literally do anything in the bedroom but he did not like her behavior of invading his personal space, his privacy, his emails and his social media sites.

And with that court was mercifully called for the day. We are in recess until Monday at 9:30am

RBMD peacing the fuck out

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120 Responses to The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Re-Trial The Fucktards Of The World Unite Edition

  1. sandymetter says:

    Awesome as always! Thank you Kelly.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      hai Sandy. As always my friend you are most welcome. I”m so glad you enjoy them.

      • My Real Name says:

        Love it Kel, as always. DeMarte definitely has steel ovaries!

        How is your health, Kelly? Any news as to when you are having your heart surgery?

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        MRN: thank you. I’m hanging in. I won’t be discussing my personal health issues online anymore but I will let you all know via BWR or MamaVia when I go in. Thanks so much for asking though. I appreciate it.

  2. Jacey says:

    Great read. I look forward to you blog every day. Even days like this.. And, yeah, I would like a mug when you get them. Now I have to go say a few prayers.

  3. Samantha says:

    Hi kelly, So excited to read you tonight! i would be interested in having a rbmd mug 😃 talk about a conversation piece! also i saw carl’s video when he posted it earlier and it is so funny! Good one, carl! Perfect for this trial and for some other people too *wink*. Ok, im going to read now! Yay!

  4. Deb says:

    Kelly, aka Prof. Kelly, aka PhD of sarcasm…you managed to sum up in approximately twenty-two paragraphs the days proceedings! You also did so in a delightfully informative and bitingly witty way, which I most sincerely appreciate <3. This is something no one else reporting on this trial has been able to do, BTW!!! I guess that's why I never miss a day coming here to be kept informed and enormously entertained.
    P.S. I definitely want my mug. AND, I would like to continue to support you as often as I can by making a small donation to show my heartfelt appreciation of your talent. I am updating my PayPal account, so that I can continue to manifest my gratitude in a tangible way.

  5. Samantha says:

    “Good morning, Dr.demarte”…….
    ……
    *crickets* ……
    …. *tumbleweed*….

  6. Connie Rust says:

    I knew about an hour in today that tonight’s blog would be legendary….and you did not disappoint! If I ever have the pleasure of meeting Juan Martinez in person again I will not be able to do so with a straight face. I have visions of him skipping around catching good boy treats out of the air. I will take those visions to my grave. I think you should donate 1 of your mugs to him along with the book of blogs.
    Yes I still want my mug.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Connie: Thank you so much. I do not ever want to disappoint. I am really hoping that Juan and Det. Flores will accept the gift of all these blogs and see the humor in them if this trial is ever over. I will of course also be sending them both a mug. thank you for reading Connie and for commenting and for just being an all around nice person.

      • Connie Rust says:

        Thanks for the kind words Kelly. Let me know how to handle the mug.
        Yes I believe Juan and Florres will love the blogs….how can they not? I think they will be tickled to death with them. They both deserve the laughs. I met Juan many years ago during the sleepwalker trial. I was working in Phoenix at the time and literally ran into him on the street in front of the courthouse. I spilled coffee on him lol. He was very gracious and I felt like the village idiot. I didn’t know who he was until after it happened and a friend who was with me said….”do u know who that was?” I started following trial after that.

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        Hai Connie. That is the best story ever. I would love to meet him, just to pick his brain for a couple of hours although I bet he hates talking shop all the time.

  7. TrulyUSA says:

    Great blog as usual, Kelly. I normally wait until morning, but I saw this come through and had to read it tonight. That Nurmi is maddening. If this goes on much longer he will soon be responsible for the dumbing down of America. As a lawyer, he is so boring he couldn’t entertain a doubt. Which isn’t good when you’re trying for doubt. I definitely want a mug, I liked the ‘Fuckery’ version, if there’s still a choice.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      hai Truly: Thank you. I am surprised because I know you are a morning reader generally. The fuckery version is going to be the only one available at this point so you are in luck. Thanks for reading. Have a great night.

  8. Twister says:

    Kelly, sure I’ll take a rbmd mug. Thanks for the laughs again tonight. You have a kind, sincere heart — unlike, well, others.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Twister: You are so welcome. It makes my heart sing to make you all laugh a little. Have a great night.

  9. Pat says:

    Great blog! Thank you ever so much.

  10. Samantha says:

    Thanks for another great day in court kelly! Nurmi is so boring, i couldnt bear waiting for the tweets today. Great summary and brilliant wit. I agree with deb, nobody out there can both entertain us and keep us informed on the happenings in this trial like you do. Dr demarte has such class, and nurmi is so slimey. I hope the jurors are just as offended as we are!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Samantha: thank you so much for reading. I can say I am positive that the jurors are as disgusted as we are.

  11. Yes, I want a mug! 🙂

  12. Mama Via says:

    Wow! Again, my friend, you have outdone yourself! You are fukkin awesome!! I can’t tell you how PROUD I am of you! First, I want to get back on the Cup List…yep! And Second, I’m VERY PROUD that you put the DONATE button back up! (well, it WAS up there earlier today…my eyes aren’t THAT bad are they?)

    I REALLY LOVE the prayer song…and I’m adding people to my “Prayer List” even as I type this…we will all mentally sing the song at 10 am, just before court starts!

    You just stop fooling with that donate button! If we want to put $5 or $10 or even $20 bucks into it…just let us do so…Vinnie never showed up at my house and threaten to break my leg if I didn’t introduce you to Mr Jackson…(I’ll only accept “Jimmy said….” as a “no” answer…every other blogger has one, so please, let us just do what we want to do!)

    Loving you…and sending warm hugs!
    Mama

    • Mama Via says:

      My silly eyes! It was there…I guess I just didn’t SEE IT,

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Mama: Thank you. You are on the cup list. I will call my supplier tomorrow and tell him the order is back on. I’m loving that prayer song myself. I’ve sung it in my head about a billion times. It has cheered me up immeasurably. Jimmy is the one who said to put it back up. Love you back Mama. and accepting the hug whole heartedly

  13. hbbeachbun says:

    OMG Kelly that was great. I loved the video/song. Made me laugh. Thank you for our daily laughs

  14. hbbeachbun says:

    Oh I would like a mug too

  15. Ginger says:

    Brovo Kelly for yet another entertaining episode in this never ending saga. (And yea we have the fucking documentation.) Thank you thank you.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Ginger: Thank you. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA POINTS. ginger is on the board. you are so welcome. thanks for reading

  16. Schaeffer says:

    If I were representing a woman convicted of murdering a man with 29 stab wounds, a slit throat, and a bullet fired through his head, and my only pretense of a strategy for getting her anything less than the death penalty was an endless number of unsubstantiated lies from the defendant and a bunch of perjuring sycophants, I DON’T think I would say “Actions speak louder than words.” Nurmi, however, must disagree with me, for he said these very words today.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Schaeffer: Yes he did. I could not bring myself to write them, but he did say them. I hate that man a little more every day.

  17. CarlT says:

    Excellent job Kelly! The actual video of that song is so funny too! When you get a minute look it up. Lol

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Carl: I owe you for that song in a big way. You made me feel so much better without even knowing you did it. Thank you so much.

  18. Great blog Kelly. Loved the video.

  19. Joe Santos says:

    Saying Hello 😉 I may not agree with what you write but strongly believe you write well & have every right to write as you please & to keep on keeping on. Hope you’re feeling better. Amb. Santos.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Joe: not agreeing with what I say but being kind enough to come here and support my right to do it means more to me than you will ever ever know. Thank you so much for this. I really mean it. Thank you.

  20. Mama Via says:

    My gramma must have helped write that Kung Fu western with Carradine…remember it? “patience, Grasshopper!” Gramma used to tell me to “stop wasting my days, wishing for……” Christmas, or new year, or my birthday. And she used to urge me not to “gloat” or be a “sore loser” when I would win a game against my sister…(it never dawned on me that my sister was anything other than “just like me”…and I would argue with people who said she was “slow” and beat to a pulp anyone who called her the dreaded “R” word!)

    I guess I was thinking about how “dumb” I really was…not to seeing my sister in any light other than in the love and devotion I had, other than always protecting her from “bullies”…Numbnutz reminded me of those bullies today…the ones who world torment my poor sister, and get her so “flusterated” (her word)….when I was young…I’d haul off, and knock their blocks off! Slowly, I learned the “patience” my Gramma wanted me to gain…(I’m guessing Juan’s Abuelita saying “paciencia, Mijo, paciencia!”)

    How DIFFICULT it must be for him, to have all those secrets in his pocket! Again, in my attempts to keep yall EDIFIED…the law in most states call for “Reciprocal Discovery”. Both the defense AND the prosecution (in most states) MUST provide the opposing attorneys their “discovery”. The prosecution CAN NOT hide “exculpatory” evidence which would prove the defendant not guilty, and the defense MUST provide the names of people who can corroborate the defendant’s alibi. There are NO Perry Mason moments in real life, no “gotchas” allowed. BUT…when the prosecution delivers “raw evidence”….the evidence is presented “as is”. In other words, if they have a receipt for the purchase of a gas can, they don’t have to state their intention to admit the evidence, or how the evidence will be presented in their “legal strategy”.

    Some of the evidence is produced during settlement conferences…like when she says “I’ll take Man 2 for $100, Alex!” Then, Juan can say, “I don’t think so…because we intend to prove premeditation…here is a receipt you bought a gas can and gas so you wouldn’t have to buy gas in Arizona!” See how this works?

    Now, here I’m going to take a long walk off if a short pier…Miss Kelly can tell us when these interviews with Arias’ older sister, cousin, etc actually happened…but, I’m guessing LONG, LONG before the guilt trial! And Juan did not present these during the guilt phase, either! There have been THOUSANDS of little pieces of paper sent from Juans office to Dumbo’s office…and these interviews where Arias has been called a Bitch, etc, are SO EASY to overlook! NURMI HAD THEM! And Juan caught him with his pants down around his ankles! Those interviews just worked their way down to the bottom of the pile over in Dumbo’s office…ChaCha should have been busy mitigating them…not shopping for a new car…(and I’m going to guess Dumbo’s office is busy looking for lost papers this weekend, to make sure that there are no other SURPRISES in store!)

    Like the sound of a trains wheels on the track, Juan has been chanting “Jodi is a liar, Jodi is a liar, Jodi is a liar…” Now that we are on the down hill, Juan’s patience is paying off, and those little pieces of paper that he slipped up his sleeve are being put out onto the table…and the sound of the trains wheels repeating “Jodi is a lying bitch, Jodi is a lying bitch, Jodi is a lying bitch!”

    I will bet that Juan has more of those “you didn’t read this” papers hiding…just waiting for the Duh-fence to open the door a crack! There is more to winning a trial than having a high IQ, or being smart…(I’ll bet he was just PRAYING that HoJo was going to stay pro se, he would have chewed her up and spit her OUT!!). In ADDITION to his many years of EXPERIENCE….he also MUST have a photographic memory…and a superb mind for planning!

    Dumbo bores me to tears…I’m only able to survive it because I DONT know what to expect of Juan! He and Dr D KNEW that the opportunity to present those interviews would come up eventually…and they PATIENTLY waited! There’s more to come, boys and girls! I certainly wouldn’t want to be a defendant with him as the prosecution’s star performer…hell, I wouldn’t want to be a damn wit-less, EITHER!

    HoJo thought she was being so smart, having her say, pretending to be a meek and mild “sugar won’t melt in my mouth” I swear he abused me witness for her two days of non-crossed testimony…and, if it had been ME…instead of celebrating that Juan wasn’t going to cross examine….I’d have been wetting my pants…as well as needing to be medicated for severe anxiety!….anyone with half a brain would have figured he had a plan when he decided to let her off with no questions….

    I’ve tried and tried to tell my son…”don’t tell everything you know to ANYONE!”…if no one knows, no one will question…(remember the phrase that two people can keep a secret only if one of them is dead?). That’s probably why Juan works alone….he doesn’t have to reveal his secrets to anyone…but with TWO Attorneys….that DOUBLES or TRIPLES the possibility of missing something important (do you have the tickets to the theater? No, I thought YOU had them!)

    Look for more good days for the prosecution…Juan won’t let this phase of the trial end like the last one if he can POSSIBLY help it! And trust that if Jodi slips up and leaves a door open, just a crack, Juan will use it to the best of his ability!

    Juan for president!

    • TrulyUSA says:

      Hi Mama! I so so so so hope that Juan has LOTS of little pieces of paper left — you gotta love this guy. He makes Wormi Nurmi and Willnot look like law school dropouts — I wonder how many times they DID have to take the Bar? Hahahaha!

      • Connie Rust says:

        I agree with Mama completely. I think Juan has a few more rabbits to pull out of his hat before the proverbial fat lady sings.
        I’m beginning to think the bar exam is voluntary to practice law in AZ…..for judges as well as lawyers.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Mama: Good morning, hope all is well at the homestead. I think I read somewhere that Juan has an eidedic(sic) memory. Think I will go look that up. Even if he doesn’t, it is still a steel trap for sure. Annnnnd according to my sources, since the four idiots of the apocalypse were kind enough to open the door there are a few HUGE pieces of evidence yet to come in. Now, I don’t have corroboration yet so I can’t say until I do but if it is true than holy fuck Stabby has all kinds of new problems.

    • Sherlock1005 says:

      Excellent post Mama V and another hilarious courtroom recap from our “Queen” – thank you ! Your talent for describing this madness is SO, SO amazing !!

      OMG ! Can’t believe he called Dr. Demarte “Dr Death” !!
      I suspect Wormi definitely lost the jurors again yesterday with that comment and his general disgusting “Nurminess”
      We are all sick and tired of that slime ball, can’t imagine what the jurors must feel like so close to that greasy toad all day. ICK !
      I also think they are sick and tired of Wormi constantly finding a way to get the conversation back to all the things that Stabby has apparently done with all her holes ! Really Wormi….nobody cares ! Not relevant !!
      Dr. D isn’t getting rattled by it either. I don’t think there is anything that would make her uncomfortable, and quite frankly – I think the disdain for him is so great that she uses his vulgarity (is that a word ?), sarcasm and bullying tactics to her advantage. Nurmi….you are such a knob !! Strap Stabby to the gurney and let’s call it a day… poke her with a fork too, cuz “she done” !

    • Deb says:

      Mama, you are so articulate and funny…I think you and the Dean should collaborate on a book. I can see me now, at your joint book-signing…looking so proud as I stand between you both as my friends take multiple pictures of me so that I can have DOCUMENTED PROOF that I know you both and am considered a TRUE friend! ❤

      • Mama Via says:

        Deb…honest injun…no fukkin body would believe my life…(and I don’t have documentation, cuz my apartment burned down in 1976, I was evicted in 1980, and my house flooded in 2009) (nope, don’t have documentation for THAT, either!)

        I used to tell co-workers that my (so called) mother was “the famous Bambi Lane, known far and wide for her bodacious Ta-Tas”…and with my personality, everyone THOUGHT I was KIDDING (I DO have proof of THIS! I have a birth certificate! I WASNT hatched!). Then, I would make a half ass joke that “when I threatened to move back home with my dad, he decided to get killed in an auto accident, just so he wouldn’t have to put up with me!” (I probably should have worked on THAT joke/truth more than I did…) And “my step-mother died of chronic meanness…her brains exploded when I put my elbows on the table…and she fell over into her mashed potatoes and died..” (Probably shoulda worked on that one too…)(no documentation)

        Anyway, my co-workers just thought I was “pulling their leg”…until one day, my egg-donor sent me her photo, and I let one of my “pals” see it…I decided right then that the name of my book would be “All The Lies I Ever Told (Are True)”

        If Miss Kels and I joined forces on a book…we’d have to name it…hummmm….”As The Stomach Turns (Real Stories You Will Never Believe)”….or….”Days of Our Wives”?…or “1,000 Things I Can’t Document”?

      • LovesKen55 says:

        Good stuff, Mama – your outlet in your humor is delightful and funny/sad all at the same time with heavy on the funny. BTW, I vote for 1000 Things I Can’t Document – LMAO!

      • Mama Via says:

        Ok, LovesKen, “1,000 Things I Can’t Document” it is! Should I blame not sitting my plus-size butt into the chair to write on “not having a working title” for the book? (NOW a moot point, cuz I do..) Or should I blame the 2 1/2 feet of carp (sic) that have accumulated on the dining room table…which is, by the way, hiding my typewriter? (Ok, either use your iThing or, here’s an idea! Clean the table!) (No, I can’t clean the TABLE, do you want my DH to come home and actually SEE the table is clean? He would STROKE OUT!). Or, wait, wait! Good one! I’m going with I’m blind in one eye & can’t see outta the other….that one should be good for at least a year! Yes, the only thing that will keep me from having the corneal transplant on March 12th is if a donor cornea isn’t available…and yes, I’m frightened!

        Which brings me to my rant of the day…two things:
        FIRST: to the fashion industry…NO, anything size 8 and LARGER is NOT, NOT! NOT PLUS SIZE! Get a GRIP! PLEASE START USING REAL WOMEN as your models, not everyone is a size 00, 02, 04 or 06!

        Second…please, please, find it in your heart to donate your organs or the organs of loved ones. When Nanner and Eli died, no amount of talking would convince my son to donate Nanner’s corneas (as a drug addict with a long history, her other organs weren’t useful as transplants) and he would not consider the donation of any of Eli’s organs. Eli had not yet reached full term, and because of that, there were many of his organs which could have saved the life (lives) of other babies.

        The gift of organs and tissues saves eyesight, like mine; replace hearts, livers, lungs and kidneys, saving more lives than you can imagine! ONE person donating organs and tissue can change and enhance the lives of FIFTY (50) people!

        I’m KNOW that in the moment of such deep, intense loss is difficult! I’ve faced this same decision five times in my life…and not one time, even KNOWING what I WANTED to do, was the decision EASY.

        So, I patiently wait for my March appointment…and pray that someone will hear the call…and in spite of their grief, will see that although their loved one’s eyes are closed, thru their gift, mine will be opened. A corneal receipient said “For so long, I couldn’t look forward to the future because I couldn’t see the present.”

        Donor’s and family names are withheld for privacy, but I asked my doctor, and was told that I am able to write a letter to the donor’s family. That’s what I plan on doing. I want to thank them for the gift of sight, to reassure them that their loved one isn’t gone, s/he continues to see the beauty of the sunrises and sunsets, the faces of my children and other loved ones…that thru that gift, my life will change forever….(I just hope I don’t get any “bitchy eyes”!)

        Thanks for letting me rant….again…

  21. Sherry says:

    Hi Kelly,

    I have never replied before but am an avid follower of your blog. It makes my night when a new blog is posted. And as fabulous as your writing is, I also can’t wait to read the replies. I kinda feel like the nerdy kid sitting at the lunch table listening to all the cool kids talk. All of you are fantastic. I am writing now because I just have to have one of your coffee cups.

    As to the trial, I am sort of thankful that this isn’t televised. I think I would have thrown a coffee cup through my tv at Nurmi today. What a doofus. Thanks for making this mess seem funny even if it so is not.

    From one Canadian girl to another, peace the fuck out, eh? (that’s to carry on the stereotype for your American friends. lol)

    • Mama Via says:

      Welcome and glad to see you here, Sherry! We ‘Mericans ain’t such a bad lot! We are all just a bit spoiled by nice weather, eh? Come join us kewl kids at the lunch table….those of us who bite, don’t bite HARD…well, not often, anyways! Hope we see you again reall soon!

      Yall come back real soon now, ya hear?

      Hugs, from a ‘Merican cousin!

    • TrulyUSA says:

      Hi Sherry! Welcome to the board! You have no worries here, join right in. I was hesitant for awhile, too, but I was always one who couldn’t keep her mouth shut forever — and I love this blog, the Queen and all of her Royal Subjects!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Sherry: Welcome to the comment section. Thank you for the kind words, but you are right, it’s the comment section that is where all the fun is. I love it here. I hope once a verdict is rendered that the stations that paid a lawyer to go to court to ensure cameras in the courtroom airs it. I want to live blog it as it airs because I think that would be a goddamn riot. have a great day.

  22. debilu2 says:

    Perfect summary of today’s fuckery! I too look forward to your blog after the daily fiasco! InformatIvery and ALWAYS cracks me up!! Thank you!!!

  23. Jen Kane says:

    Kelly. Don’t don’t don’t ever stop writing. Reading your summaries have probably prevented me from having a heart attack. For articulating what I feel but am so frustrated am unable to express. And don’t forget. Copies to all ..

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Jen: Oh, I won’t don’t worry. And I won’t forget because the more I think about it the more I think they would see the humor.

  24. karen30036 says:

    I want a mug! Thanks for the laughs tonight!

  25. Noreen S. says:

    Hi ! Very good read, no messing around. I look forward to Monday. I will buy a cup so count me in. I wish someone would get up and punch wurmi a good one or, send his nuts to the squirrels! Take care.

  26. cecelia says:

    mornin’ Kelly! I’ve gotten my much needed daily dose of RBMD, now i can play nice with my co-workers! only been hanging out reading for a couple weeks but i love how you take us into the courtroom.
    i will definetely buy a mug! maybe 2!!
    please keep up your fantastic articles.
    peacing out… Cece

    • Connie Rust says:

      Welcome Cecelia. You won’t regret coming here. I have been following Kelly’s blogs since the first trial and have never been disappointed. As time permits you should go back and read her previous blogs…even from the first trial. In addition to busting a gut you will get a good handle on some of the lingo.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Good Morning Cecelia: Aww thank you. you know there are like 164 of these right? you can go back and read them all if you feel so inclined. have a great weekend.

  27. Donna says:

    You’ve done it again friend! Brightened up my Friday morning after reading the tweets from the courtroom yesterday. I wish Numbnutz would just sit down and STFU already! I’m so sick of that whole clan worshipping their precious little snowflake I could just puke. I could actulally feel my BP rising yesterday which scared me just a little so I had to step away from my puter when they broke for lunch. I just couldn’t listen to that giant lardass anymore…but I’m so proud of Dr. D! She is such a classy lady and she held her own just fine, didn’t she? I think this jury has had just about enough of this bullshit and they want to end this circus now. The longer Alfred Isadick drags this out, the more nails he’s putting in Stabby’s pine box. Way to go Numb-De-Dumb…good job!!! Hahahahahaha

    Oh…I still want a mug too!!!! 😀

  28. Bazzethound says:

    I wasn’t in on the original mug count, but I absolutely want a mug!

    P.S. went to a doctor’s appointment all by myself yesterday, then ran a few errands and THE WORLD KEPT SPINNING and I DIDN’T FREAK OUT! Hooray!

  29. Lindalu says:

    I swear when I read your blog it takes me make to the original trial and feel like I am in the courtroom but I don’t have to watch commercials. I do have a question…… is it creepy to be in the same room with that nightmare?

  30. TrulyUSA says:

    I’m going to try and post a song here, but I’m not sure it work!

    • renaes24 says:

      Truly, Good music selection, but I prefer the old O’Jay’s version (different lyrics).
      I would also second (or third) your nomination of a dictionary of Stabby words……could be a hoot since many of them are not in any Webster’s ….or the old Funk & Wag’s.

  31. Karla Cox says:

    Thank you so very much for your take on the trial that never ends…….you sum it up perfectly, have me in I don’t have documentation for that either, so haters bring it on) I look forward to your witty words every day! I would love to purchase a cup too. Thank you for all you do!

  32. renaes24 says:

    And the magic that is Kelly continues………….
    Some days I am unable to follow on Twitter as I have to either be out working in ‘the field’ or, am so engrossed in charts and logs that to try to keep up with the trial would be impossible.
    I am so glad that with this blog, I can keep up with EVERYTHING.
    I am so counting on you to get me thru the boring, repetitive nonsense that is sure to come from the (eternally on the stand) non-doctors “F & G”. Just the idea of them going on and on again (infinitum) makes me contemplate a long retreat of naval gazing.
    So…….you Go Girl! and yes, a cup is wanted here too!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Renea: I promise that I will slog through the boring, repetitive nonsense just for you guys, and because it’s fun for me.

  33. Carrie says:

    So happy I found this. Your great!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Welcome to the dogpound Carrie. Thank you so much.

      • renaes24 says:

        Kelly, far be it from me to correct the Queen……..but THIS is NOT a ‘pound’. This is a SHELTER…….and a no-kill one at that!

  34. barb says:

    Great, as usual. please save a mug for me! peacing the fuck out now to go clean the house.

  35. Jeannie says:

    Kelly, I will also buy a mug and if you write a book or books I would buy them also. Everything you write keeps me spell bound. Will you be blogging to other trials?I hope so. I have to have my daily fix of you.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Jeannie: Yes, once this trial is over I will be writing about whatever gets the most votes for trial coverage. If Stabby wasn’t taking up so much of my time I would have liked to cover Hernandez as well. It’s a good trial. So absolutely there will always until I can’t write anymore (like about 300 years from now) be trial coverage. And thanks for asking that it was a great question.

      • Connie Rust says:

        Hernandez is just boring and surely could use your humor to liven things up. They don’t talk about sex…they talk about the weather. I’m waiting to see if a meteorologist is the next up. I can see my reflection in the prosecutor’s head and the judge’s voice is like fingernails down a chalkboard….very slowly.
        Stabby court is way more fun.

  36. M. Clayton says:

    Thank you, Kelly, you are awesome! What is the cup thing everyone is mentioning? Do you have a book for sale? If so
    is it available on Amazon? I want a copy if it’s available to purchase.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai MC. Coffee mugs that say RBMD assistant dean of fuckery. My book isn’t done yet but I will let you know if I ever finish the damn thing lol.

  37. Catherine says:

    Hey miss Kelly. I’d like a mug. Refresh my memory – how much and how can I get one?

    I’d also like updates on you and your health, thru mama via or emails when you feel up to it. I’ve found myself personally invested in you, silly as it may seem. We seem to have a bit of the same history/family history. My mother is an agoraphobe as well so I know second-hand how hard it can be.

    Love you humor as always…

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Catherine, they will be 20 dollars but please don’t send money until I have them in my hands. I don’t want to be holding money for something I don’ t have. I can email you if you want and Mama and BWR are always kept abreast of how I’m doing so everyone will know, just not publicly. Thanks so much. I put you on the list for a mug.

  38. Jacey says:

    Kelly, THANK YOU for not only great recaps of the latest trial happenings, but for interjecting such a wonderful sense of humor and common sense in such an entertaining way! I have read and read through your page, thoroughly enjoying every single minute! I even took my iPad to my hair appt so I could read. This is normally my “down time” or chat time with my hair stylist. Nope, leave me alone, I’ve got some reading to do! I only wish you’d blog several times a day. Too much to ask, I know! Your talent is admirable! You definitely have lots of friends here too, and I hope you’ll consider me one. I am very familiar of the lovers of JA, where those missing brain cells went, who knows! So you have my support in that area also!
    Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart!

  39. BlueWhiteRed says:

    Just got home from taking the 13 year old to see SpongeBob movie! Hilarious! (Yeah,I really do have self esteem!) Nurmi is Patrick, I’ve decided! OMG Kelly, that was even better than the one where you said Juan trotted back to his seat, thought about it, went over to Nurmi’s chair “and marks his territory.” I’m busting out laughing remembering that! My Pinup Gal, Dr DeMarte, KNOCKED IT OUTTA THE PARK! She was a pissa! She’s got such a thing about not saying Good Mornin Just like Juan not calling anyone by their name or title! Hooyah!

  40. Hay Kellie…!! Great blog as usual..!
    I hear “BACKFIRE ” again …coming from the defense side. Nurmi is back on slime highway and everyone else is sooo over it…Pretty sure the jurors have formed their opnions by now about the JA /TA relationship. If he had a towel big enough he could throw it in.
    Love Carl, too lol!
    Yes -mug!!! Xo

  41. Wonderful as usual!

    If Nurmi could find a towel big enough he could throw it in …

    Mug..yes! Xo

  42. Carmen Geditt says:

    Bravo kelly! I especially like how Demarte keeps her cool with that big bully Nurmi. That’s my favorite.

  43. Can I still order a coffee mug? If yes I want 3 please.
    lOVE your blogs.

  44. azsassy says:

    Hi Kelly on the 3 mugs if I can still order them I want 2 reg and 1
    the clean version. Thanks

    • Mama Via says:

      Azsassy-I think…not positive–but think that she is only doing one style of cup–no, don’t know WHICH…and again I THINK it’s because these are CUSTOM printed with the RMBD Happy dog on it…there is a significant set-up charge, and it’s just cost-prohibitive to have 2 set up charges.

      I’m sure that once she gets a final tally of who might want a cup, she will have more specifics. Let her know if she just does one style, if you still want 3, or just two! Have a great day!

      • azsassy says:

        Thanks Mama Via. Yes I still want 3 cups.

      • Mama Via says:

        Azsassy: I’ll make sure our Queen of the Universe knows what you want! Thank you for your support of Kelly and RBMD!

        As a note to everyone….Every one of you knows that I speak my mind, and, although I CAN be pushed to the point of being unreasonable, I usually speak with a relatively “level head”…but, something has been bothering me for some time…not too long ago, there were some snide remarks made (somewhere else) that $20 was “expensive” for a cup.

        If you want a cup, fine…I think that they are unique and “cute”. If you don’t want a cup, that’s fine too. No pressure, one way or the other. We are all “grown-ups” here, for the most part…(I’m not sure about ME….but, I think I can figure out if I can afford a cup or not!)

        Yes, you CAN buy a cup cheaper; the Dollar Store has them for…hummmm…a dollar? But, they don’t have RBMD & Happy on them!

        I’m so pleased that all of you ladies (and Blue and Carl) continue to comment, love and support Kelly. Most of us here, including myself, know that if we were to sit down and expose our lives to scrutiny, there would be moments that could be twisted and turned into something far more malicious than it truly was. Imagine for just one moment that ALL anyone had to judge you by was the very worst thing you’ve ever done or said….and that ONE thing was taken out of context, twisted and turned, and exposed to anyone who would listen….

        Imagine for just one moment, the anxiety you might feel if someone you did not trust…approached the ONE person in your life that you were MOST frightened of? That ONE person who had done EVERYTHING to hurt you was colluding with someone who WANTED to hurt you? And, to defend yourself, your only choice was to expose even more…in effect, stand naked in an open field, not knowing in what direction the arrows would come from that would pierce your heart?

        God knows in my own 60 plus years that I’ve made my own share of bad decisions, I’ve had a ton of crazy moments…and when pressed for the story in my life that tears me apart…I’ve certainly said things in a way that allowed me to “look better”…or “feel better” about whatever decision I might have made….

        I’ve been in bad relationships that have hurt me socially, financially, physically and psychologically, people that SHOULD have protected me, didn’t…people who shouldn’t have hurt me, did. I’ve had moments (and years) in my life that it seemed that one bad thing after another bad thing plagued my life….and, to be brutally honest, it wasn’t until my dear husband came into my life that the world was right again….(what I wouldn’t give to have met him 30 years earlier than I did!)

        Gramma used to tell me that “if you never take a chance, you will never be hurt…but, if you never take a chance, you will never have love, either!” “You can only hurt as deeply as you love.”

        I hope that you all choose to take a chance to love one another more every day…that you choose to lift one another with humor, laughter and understanding…to give yourselves permission to feel compassion…to yourself and to others.

        You are each very special friends to me…and I know that Kelly will say the same thing.

    • TrulyUSA says:

      Here here Mama! You speak for us all!

  45. mrsmojojojo says:

    I’d love one of those mugs myself… So often I’d wonder why I am so invested in this trial and then I look at all of the areas of every day life it covers. We have a murder, we have illness that doesn’t excuse murder but conflicts me. We have social media. We have media and the defendants use of the media, one might say she is a bit media savvy but I focus more on the content, something Stabby doesn’t get. There is the minions that proclaim innocence of a defendant who admitted their guilt. What in the hell is that about? So many angles. Not enough time. But you, wise one has the stuff to make sense of this mess.

  46. cecelia says:

    i need 2 mugs… that way i’ll have one at work too!
    and where oh where is Kelly?… i’m nearly done catching up on archives n need my fix!!

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