Mama’s Soap Box: Buh-Bye, Buh-Bye, Hello!

Hi everyone!  This is MAMAVIA!  I’m filling in for Kelly tonight!  I hope you enjoy!

Son stopped by on Monday, just a few minutes before the mother of 458434 began to speak at her daughter’s sentencing. Very close to the beginning of her little speach she said that 458434 was her “firstborn, and didn’t come with instructions”. Hmm…that’s not much of an excuse…it’s not like a baby is an “open box” item that you pick up at Best Buy and you saved a few bucks because no instructions were included!  Every child living was born “without instructions”…and every parent has to learn to deal with it!

Anyway, I huffed, and puffed, and said “oh, Right!” as well as a few other unprintable expletives during her little speech (written by her Number 1 Daughter, I’m sure!) I was so close to seething!  My Son has a level head, is thoughtful and considerate, and I often depend on his sage advice…so, when he said “Mom, YOU would have done the same things!” it knocked my sensitivity for a moment, and, as usual, it took me a few minutes to think logically about the circumstances.  Now, admittedly, I’m close to 1000 miles away from Arizona, but I’m a good mom  (TONS better than SOME!) because I try to LISTEN to my “child” (who is now a manly Man). So, I stopped and thought about what 458434’s mother SAID, what her WORDS really meant.

“She didn’t come with instructions”…sometimes life is like that…you CAR comes with instructions, but you never read them…your cell phone has instructions, but you never look them up! I even remember that COMPUTERS USED to come with instructions…sometimes big 3-ring binders…and they didn’t get used either!  Maybe we just aren’t an “instruction reading society”!  

But, in thinking about those 5 words, I think that she’s implying some kind of manufacturer malfeasance!  No instructions were included!  Would she have done better with instructions? Or would they have been thrown out with the trash, or put up on the bookshelf and ignored!  Please, don’t tell other defendants that “they didn’t come with instructions” is an acceptable defense for whatever crime they have committed!

It’s not hard to make the connection that 458434 cannot take responsibility for her actions because her mother never taught her to do so!  Her mother is incapable of accepting responsibility too!  And, bottom line, “she didn’t come with instructions” is only an excuse for not taking responsibility!  (Did her OTHER children have instructions?  Why aren’t THEY murderers?) I KNOW that I grew up during the age od dinosaurs…but…I can remember my Dad making me go get a switch (and it had better be a GOOD one!) with which he utilized on the backs of my legs all the way to the little corner store (where I had filched a penny bubble gum) then, stood there as I apologized for my sin…then he paid the penny…and switched my legs all the way back home! (And I learned never to take something from anyone else without asking for it or PAYING a for it!).  Yes, I was first-born…I’m POSITIVE that I didn’t come with instructions, either…but that didn’t keep him from knowing “what to do” about a bubble-gum thief! 

Anyway…my first born Son (also no instructions included) said “Mom, you KNOW that if that was ME, you would have done the same thing!”, he meant that I would have moved the Rocky Mountains to help him!  He is right, I would have!  But there are other things I would have done (and not done) to help my child!  Wild horses couldn’t have kept me from testifying on his behalf!  It’s bothered me that she would not take the stand to defend her child…but….I think I know exactly WHY she didn’t!  

Remember that letter (supposedly) written by Travis admitting his “Pedo needs”?  Sandy Arias offered to sell that letter to the National Enquirer.  For whatever reason, the Inquirer did not buy the letter! (Maybe they should have asked the examiner!). There is NO DOUBT in my mind…that IF Sandy Arias had taken the stand, there would have been some very hard questions put forth by Juan Martinez that she would have HAD to answer about that letter…and many other things!

I cannot say, that if I were put into the same situation, that I would have refused to attempt something like that IF I believed it was REAL….but I KNOW I would have said “NO WAY!” If I suspected it was a forgery!  I thought that it was TRUE…and it would HELP my child…I just might have tried…I will confess… I’m a “mama bear” when it comes to my Son and the children & grandchildren  I’ve “adopted”…I will admit that!  When a wrong has been committed against a loved one, I get my “fur all petted backward”, and I am not an easy person to deal with.  But, on the other hand…

About 20 years ago, Son called me and said “Mom, I need help BAD!”  He was in the Navy, and had committed an insignificant infraction of the rules, but it WAS an infraction!  Son believed he “needed a lawyer to fight it”….I asked “did you commit this error?” “Well, yes…” He answered.

“Son, there are times in life where it is best to just say: “You are right, I messed up, I understand why my error was important, and It will not happen again!”  Rather than argue what is obviously your fault, rather than make excuses, taking responsibility is just the “right thing to do”.

It took him a few days to think about it….and when his Captain talked to him, Son took responsibility.  So, it turned out that the discipline he ended up receiving was much, much lighter than he expected!

Several years later, my son said to me “You know, Mom…that little bit of “trouble” really taught me a lot! And, it really changed my life for the better!”  I was glad to hear that, happy to know that he saw that moment in life as being a “learning moment”!

As parents, our job is to mold our children into responsible adults.  You don’t need an instructional manual to do that, and it isn’t all that difficult!  You teach by example, you teach using “learning moments”, you hop up onto the Mom Soap Box and give a lecture.  As a parent, you give them unconditional love and loving discipline.  You take responsibility for the child you brought into the world, not celebrate when they finally quit high school and run off to go live in a tent with some boy…thankful that the “problem child” is no longer YOUR problem!

Disciplining a child begins the moment that they understand “don’t touch that “pretty” on the table”! Later, they touch it just to test to see if you really mean what you said!  You can’t “let them get away with murder” for 15 years, then decide you are going to teach them not to lie or grow pot on the roof! (You are 14 years too late!)

I think we can all agree that getting a few whacks with a wooden spoon IS NOT ABUSE!  To 458434 (now State Number 281129) any time she didn’t get exactly what she wanted, she claims she was “abused”!  

And, while we are all agreeing…the ONLY person who believes that TRAVIS was still attacking…after being shot in the head, suffering close to 30 stab wounds….the ONLY person who believed he needed to have his throat slit…is the murderer who is at Goodyear…

Yes, I know that her mother didn’t hold the knife/knives or gun…..but she never taught her daughter to walk away, either…never taught her self-respect…that doesn’t need an “instruction book”…it’s common sense. In my mind, her mother has responsiblity for what 281129 became, beyond that, she has responsibility for condoning her daughter’s actions! I know I would have done something MUCH different!

Where does our responsibility for our children end?  Certainly not “magically” when they walk out the door of the family home at 16!!  Perhaps I’m a “soft-touch” or something, I don’t know…when the Gulf Oil Spill happened a few years ago, my son’s paycheck was affected because his store was dependent on tourism!  I helped him financially for a few months…I felt it was “my responsibility”.  When his wife and baby died, I helped him in any way I could.  That is just what “family” does for one another!  

I should mention that I am not the only one “giving” in the relationship with my son…there have been countless times that all I had to do was call him if I needed his help.  He has taken me to doctor appointments, brought medication or groceries if I was sick, fixed any number of broken things, installed garbage disposals, put together Papa’s gas grill, etc, etc.  Son is a thoughtful and giving man, and I’m proud of him!

I think that the key to raising good, responsible children is to give them tons of unconditional love, teach them responsibility, give them morals, values and a sense of self-esteem.  And keep your fingers crossed!

I think where 281129’s mother failed is that she never taught her daughter to tell the truth and that there are consequences for your actions!  The deepest insight into her character that we have is the gmail exchange between her and Travis.  He keeps saying “Just tell the truth!” During her interview with Detective Flores, she stated that 281129 was “hiding” her activities. The two of them never built any mutual trust, and, it appears, 281129 never got through the normal teen-age phase of “parental distrust”.  They never formed any true affection for one another.  Whether 281129 was born with her personality disorder, or whether the disorder was due to the nurturing she did/did not receive is anyone’s guess.  OBVIOUSLY, ANYthing that 281129 SAYS cannot be taken as truthful, one would have to know all of her motivations that cause her to lie at any given time, and that just isn’t possible. Does she lie not to get into trouble? Lie to manipulate? Or lie just to see if she can get away with it?

She deserves to be where she is!  She will make her choices every day, just like you and I do.  But, in a way…I feel sorry for her…she will turn 40 behind bars, and 50…she will suffer menopause in that already unbearable heat…and, if she wins the lotto like I did…those 10-12 years will be the most miserable existence she’s ever known…her father will die…and she won’t be able to go to the funeral….the same with her mother…no weddings, baptisms, graduations…her contact with those she says she lives will be limited to a few hours visit.  She will never again feel the silky sheets in a 5-star hotel, sit in a hot tub and have a glass of wine, never again fall asleep in the arms of a man who truly loves her, show off the diamond that her fiancé gave her, never enjoy the aroma of a new car, or a new leather purse…

Monday evening, as I was laying on my comfy sofa…I began thinking of what she might be experiencing….her day had been full…I truly believe that she expected JSS to give her 25 to Life…she was hurt and angry…and she felt that she has been abused by the system…she was pushed around, ordered this way and that, probed and questioned and generally “treated like an inmate”…I imagined her, sitting on that plastic covered mattress, cursing the “sea of blue” in the courtroom…and wishing that her cell was any other color than “Remember Travis Blue”….she has a very long time to sit and think in that blue cell…..and, in a way…I hope that her mother is thinking what she could have done differently…..


35 Responses to Mama’s Soap Box: Buh-Bye, Buh-Bye, Hello!

  1. I just have to say…I can’t find one thing in this that I disagree about! You are exactly right in every sentence. By the way, I have reared my own 4 children and not a one of them came with instructions either. But they all turned out to be wonderful, caring adults who are honest, trustworthy, and people of integrity. Not a one of them turned out to be tramps. They are extremely responsible and work for what they have. They care for their own families as well as for others less fortunate, including me…especially now that I am a widow. They all 4 have been my ‘support team’ in my journey of trying to learn how to be a widow. We live in a rural area where people haul their trash to the nearest ‘dump’ and I never have to do that. One of my stronger sons does it for me each week; sometimes twice a week.

    I can’t help but wonder if the daughter was ‘called to the carpet’ (or perhaps had her legs ‘switched’!) when she kicked that dog, squeezed that cat’s neck too hard, kicked her mother or hit her own little brother in the head with a ball bat. My child would have been. You can mark my words on that! Parenting does not need an instruction manual. Mainly, they just need common sense and good moral standards to teach their offspring right from wrong!

    Good article, Mama Via. You da gal….

    • Jodi J. says:

      The slaughterer and her “mother” are too self-involved to wonder what THEY could have done differently. They have to blame someone and that person is Travis Alexander. The one person who did nothing wrong.

  2. SteffKnits says:

    Well said, thank you. While we raise our children to have a good “compass” there are no guarantees what they will do with the tools we give them. We can only hope. No child is born with instructions and I think the mother knows this. Whatever their relationship, at the end of the day, she was there to usher her daughter out.

    • Mama Via says:

      Hi, Steff! How true…I’ve said to my son a thousand times “the only person you can control is yourself”…you can’t MAKE anyone do ANY thing! You can guide, you can counsel…and as 281129 has shown, you can manipulate…I’ve always felt my “job” as a parent was to LISTEN to whatever issue my son was concerned about, ASK what he thought his best actions might be, and then, using my own experiences, discuss other alternatives…then shut the heck up and let him make the decision for himself (and try my best not to say “I told you so!”)…

      Every time I say “I told you so”, my son reminds me that he advised me to buy Microsoft stock when it was an IPO….then he reminds me that I’d be a trillionaire, if I had only LISTENED! 😄

  3. Bazzethound says:

    Great post Mama! I’m 42, so I’m right in the middle of this raising kids thing….they’re 7 & 17. I’ve got a gut feeling that I won’t need to testify in their capital murder cases.

    My folks raised me AS IF there were a manual- and damnit THERE ARE PLENTY OF MANUALS- the Bible, Dr. Spock, Dear Abby & the golden rule are some pretty obvious examples. All three of us are upstanding tax-paying citizens who still love and respect our parents while raising their seven grandkids. Of course, to hear 3HW tell it, her parents probably only used the pages in books to light up their blunts.
    Gimme a freakin’ break!


    • Mama Via says:

      Gee! Silly me! I forgot to mention those! It was in my plan somewhere in my post…but I have ADD….Gramma said the Bible and the golden rule were all you needed…(and if You forgot those, a switch would help you remember them!) (Says right there in the Book “Spare the rod, spoil the child”!)

      That was the point I made with my son…that IF he were ever on trial for something like that…that I would move heaven and earth for him…because there’s no way he would be guilty!

      Yea…I’m SURE her mother just up and said…”well, I was smoking 420 while I was pregnant with you”….and even MORE unbelievable…was that she “remembers” her DAD having coke and a mirror/razor blade when she was FOUR? Even before I got sometimer’s disease (which is kinda like ALZHEIMERS, but you only have it SOME times, not ALL ze time) I couldn’t remember when I was 8, 9. 10? I remember PARTS…but at age FOUR, a child is consumed with SELF, not surroundings! (I remember a bee stung me when I was 5, and I cried!)

      I thought about “wishing you luck”…but you don’t need luck, Bazzet…you’ve got everything you need already…so I will wish that you “Live Long & Prosper”…I wish you to always have health, happiness and love….and that your Life’s Path is easy and very long…

      I’m sure that none of our little family here will ever find ourselves involved in any Capital Case…

      Gramma used to say that “Baby crabs ALWAYS walk like Mama crabs!” I’ve tried to explain this idea to one if my son’s friends. You cannot raise a child by words alone. From the moment they are born, they watch everything you do, hear everything you say…never ever think that “children are stupid” or “too young to understand”. If you lie, they will lie. If you break the law, they will to. If you talk behind your friends back, they will talk behind your back. If you disrespect your parents, they will disrespect you. Children are sponges, they absorb everything!

      • Bazzethound says:

        Thanks Mamma! I’m feeling the long distance love!

      • Mama Via says:

        Bazzet- I’m so VERY lucky! All of you ladies here are so loving, intelligent and talented…and the love that we all share with one another is so good and special that I feel very blessed…I always hold each of you in my prayers…I know that sometime in the future, we will all celebrate Bazzet Boys accomplishments! Every child should have such loving and kind parents and grandparents!

  4. Mama Via says:

    Hi, Judy, thank you for your comment…and congratulations on having four lovely children! (How BLESSED you are!) Personally, I believe that you never “stop being a mom”…it’s a life commitment…your role changes as your children grow older…my husband’s Muther was still “Muther” right up to the day she passed…(I’m sorry that you’ve lost your Dear Husband…you have my deepest sympathy…I came so very close to losing my DH three years ago, that it still frightens me!) Other than our DH, our children should be our best support system in life…they know us better than we know ourselves sometimes (or at least Son does!)! I was so very fortunate to have such a wonderful man as a son. He LISTENED to me…I told him when he was very young that my job was to help him (not to do it FOR him) and that there was no REASON for him to not tell me the truth…so, he always DID tell me the truth! We based our relationship on trust, truth, responsibility and most of all, an honest care and concern. I’m glad that I never HAD to “get a switch”! I asked him after her turned 30 “How is it that you turned out to be so good? I never had any problems!” He looked down on my little 5’2″ from his 6’2″…and said “Mom, I always thought you might kill me!” Then he laughed…and reminded me that I had told him when he was 14, and had grown taller than me, that I said “Do NOT mess with me, son! You may be bigger than me, but I know where you live, and you gotta sleep sometime!” He said at the time that he really didn’t know if I was joking, or if I was serious! Oddly enough, when he quit wearing diapers, he received no more smacks on the bottom…and I was happy about that, cuz it broke my heart to spank him! (But he did get hand smacks, time outs, restriction and the hated “Mom Lectures”!).

    You are right…COMMON SENSE, love and good morals and values. It’s a little harder teaching enough self-respect/esteem that they don’t HAVE to follow the crowd, and fall prey to peer pressure. (Son was permitted to get a job to earn that pair of $300 tennis shoes! Then later told me that he wished he had bought the rod & reel he REALLY wanted more! A Learning Experience!)

    I think that was what we struggled with most…was “logic” and “consequences”. I tried to stress, as I’m sure you did, that everyone needs to “think” about the consequences of our actions. It is much harder to “fix” something after the fact…after you’ve made up your mind on a course of action. Obviously, 281129 didn’t think LOGICALLY about the possible consequences during the week or more that she took to plan Travis’ murder. No where in her plan was “possible consequence #2: spend the rest of my life in prison”…maybe she has ADD too, and lost her train of thought after she got past a few items!

    A: Steal Grampa’s gun. B: rent a car. C: color my hair D: turn the license plate upside down Possible Consequences: #1:Nothing, cuz I’m really smart! Okay! Kewl! Let’s do it!

  5. mnor says:

    Nicely written article. You make a lot of good points. I was just looking at my bookshelves and I found the manual on how to raise your kids. After I blew off the dust covering the book (my kids have been grown for some time now) I turned to the chapter “When your child commits Murder 1”. I started reading the 1st section. It stated “Always tell the truth. Never fabricate evidence. Take responsibility for your acts and do what you can to make amends to the victim’s family.”

    I guess it is too late to send this to Sandy now.

    • Mama Via says:

      Mnor, thank you for your comment…and compliment….yes, it’s probably too late to send the instruction manual to SA…I believe that 281129s mother COULD have said everything she said and not have faced the scorn…if only she had “thrown a bone” to the Alexander Siblings…it really wouldn’t have hurt her or her child’s appeal if she had said something like “I’m very torn; I want and need to support my daughter in every way because I am her mother, but I understand your loss as well. I understand the emptiness you must feel and the anger. I wish that this had never happened, not just for us, but your family too. We have both lost a loved one in this tragedy, I am sorry things are not different.”

      SA might very well be an empathetic person, but she certainly did not exhibit that facet of her character. The smallest expression of remorse would have gone so very far with the family, I’m sure…and that she made no effort at all is very revealing. Baby crabs walk like mama crabs…

  6. Mags Vazquez says:

    Very nice Mama, it’s like when we buy a toy for our kids and the box says batteries not included.

    • Mama Via says:

      LOL, Mags! And 90% of the time, you don’t notice that little print on the box until just before midnight on December 24th…then…you commence stealing batteries from every old toy, flashlight, fire alarm, remote control and computer mouse in the house….hoping against hope that they will last thru Christmas Day!

      Speaking of instructions…I bought a new floor steamer yesterday…we are such a “we don’t need no instructions” society that manufacturers have gotten smart and now have abbreviated instructions, boiled down to six ILLUSTRATED steps–like we are too bothered to actually READ words! (good! Smaller piece of paper to fill the recycle bin!)

  7. Debbie Young says:

    Mama, WOW! You’ve “hit the nail on the head,” as my dad would have said! You’re right – 281129’s mom wants to deflect responsibility not only from her daughter, but from herself as well. True, 281129 may have been born with issues. But not being taught to respect herself and others and maybe never being disciplined (wooden spoon story notwithstanding) has led to where SA’s firstborn is today. Wonderful job with the blog!!

    • Mama Via says:

      Thanks Debbie! I double dare anyone to tell me that they don’t have “issues”! (Well, except Ms. Bazzet!) Some of us have fewer issues than others…admittedly…but “life” is just a string of issues, one after another, that we need to deal with. My experience and your experience might tell us to approach the same situation in to very different ways.

      Growing up, my grandparents believed that praise would cause a child to develop an inflated sense of self. So, about the best you could expect was “You done good.” I remember my Gramma asking Grandpa if he liked the new recipe she had used. His answer was “classic grampa”– “I’m eatin it, ain’t I?” No false praise was ever expected…so when you DID receive praise, it MEANT something!

      Two years ago, my husbands grandson was attending a private school for pre-school children. They automatically move the child from the “Green Room” to the “Blue Room” after the child attends 6 months; and the child is given a “Graduation Ceremony”…the child has done nothing to EARN anything, but, they are given a certificate, and a little ceremony. That happens again when they turn 5, and go into Kindergarden…another ceremony when they “Graduate” from Kindergarden to first grade….all given and celebrated with no EFFORT put forth! In my somewhat backward opinion…I do not think that a child profits from receiving “celebrations” for which they’ve made no effort to EARN. It doesn’t teach them that hard work has rewards…it teaches them that they are special…just by existing! That doesn’t help them succeed in life! You don’t get promoted at work just by “showing up”…you don’t earn “A”s in college without studying! To teach a child otherwise is a great disservice to the child!

      A child needs to learn respect…for others and himself..
      He needs to learn to work for the things he desires…
      He needs to learn to be responsible and to take responsibility for his actions…
      He needs to learn self-discipline…
      He needs morals, values and scruples…
      And he needs to feel loved…
      If we, as parents, are able to give our children what they need…to guide them as they acquire the experiences they need…then, we can be proud of the job we have done with our children.

      • Bazzethound says:

        Come on Mama- I’ve got so many issues I HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION!! 😀 The Bazz boys and DH are no exception.

        But all of us RBMD pound folks know you can’t go thru life unscathed- we just have that crazy notion that you take responsibility for your (hopefully non-felonious) actions and you watch out for your fellow man & woman along the way.

      • Mama Via says:

        You are so funny, Gwen! (Got a subscription! 😄😄😄😄😄😄). Now, don’t break my heart, honey! I was visualizing a “Leave it to Bazz Boys” and you vacuuming the carpet while wearing high heels and pearls! (oh, Lordy, too early to have “Bazz Boys, Bazz Boys whacha goona do? Whatcha gonna do when she comes for you? Bazz Boys!” Thumping thru my head so early this morning! I barely had my coffee!)

        I ran out if my meds yesterday…but I called in the script…so, don’t worry…I’ll be back to “normal” (or as normal as I get!) somewhere around 11:30 this morning! Just gotta do a pharmacy run, and I’ll be FINE!!!

        I’ve come to the conclusion that EVERYONE has issues…that’s part of life! Back when I lived in SO Cal…I ran with the “it” crowd…the person who I (wrongly) believed was my BFF carried a $10,000 handbag, wore a 9 carat diamond solitaire, drove a Jag, had a WONDERFUL husband (to ME anyway!) and lived in a little 2 million dollar house…but she wasn’t any happier than I was…and she certainly wasn’t SMARTER (because, I discovered, she was my BFF ONLY because *I* was acing every test, and every homework assignment! I’d set up my classes…then she would make a point to be in my class…and we “did homework” together…that worked for the first two years…I was good with studying & passing tests…she had a “natural artistic talent” that I didn’t have…so when we went to “Practical”…and I “needed” her….all of a sudden she had no USE for me…and yes, she used me…and I felt used! We would never have been friends if she hadn’t “needed” me to help her thru the “history/theory/art/business/Corey” classes….but…I’m getting off track…I really felt that JJ had it ALL…she didn’t HAVE to work, like I did, she had a shipload of money and everything she could gave wanted…

        We were studying one day…and her step-daughter came in…you know the type…the 90210 kid…she told my friend that she needed some such thing or another…and the got into a screaming match…the kid marched out and went upstairs…a little later…my friend gets a call from her hubby…it’s obvious that HIS daughter called Daddy and complained…so…whatever the issue was, her hubby backed his daughter, not his wife…and that really worked on her! I did my best to just listen…ask a question here and there…and try to help her get over the affront…but she was VERY peeved! Finally she said “Via, you have no idea how many times a day I just wish he was DEAD! I HATE HIM! And I want him DEAD, DEAD, DEAD! I don’t care HOW…I JUST DONT WANT TO LOOK AT HIM AGAIN!” He came home a little bit later…I could feel the tension…so I went home…to my much quieter house…that little scene played over and over–every time the step-daughter did something sneaky, or manipulated her dad to get something JJ had vetoed…and every time, I’d try to calm her…I would “listen”…something I felt she wasn’t getting much of….

        Six months later….I was having issues with my “then-husband”…and I was working, carrying an extra load at school…and, as I said…once we got into “Practical”…she didn’t need me…so I saw less of her…

        Early one morning, I received a call from another classmate…”We need to go over to JJ’s house” she said “I’ll pick you up…emergency….”

        The emergency was JJs hubby..he had been closing a multi-million dollar land deal up in the high desert…he hadn’t come home…I had connections with the Sheriff’s Office, and JJ wanted my help…she wanted me to see if we could find her hubby…

        To make a long story short…a deer had jumped out in front of his car…and to avoid hitting the deer…he hit a tree…head on…..

        Of course…she fell apart…she played the grieving widow to the hilt…but I noticed she couldn’t quite look me in the eye…I’ve always wondered if that was because she knew that I was feeling hurt and used…or if it was because she suspected that I still remembered the many times she wished her husband “dead, dead, dead”!…it was no longer easy to talk with her….

        In 2005, I left California without calling to say goodbye….I happened to run across her web page a few days ago. While I’m smart, and study well…JJ has a natural talent…her portfolio is beautiful, she accomplishes things I WISH I could do. I read her bio…she married again…another wealthy land developer…they built a McMansion up in THE area to build and live in So. California…her home is obviously her “showcase”…and if it were any closer to the 18th hole, it would be on the putting green…

        So, there she was, in full color…dressed to the 9s in her St John’s knit….a new facelift has her looking 20 years younger than she really is…she must spend 2-3 hours in the gym every day…she is looking GREAT…she looks closer to 50 than the 70 I KNOW she is….and, I must confess…I was turning a little green with envy…until I got down to the bottom of the bio and read that just a few months ago her third husband had passed away…this one lingered a long time with prostate cancer….

        She received millions when her first husband divorced her…and more when HE died…she received the millions from her second husband, and double indemnity insurance for the deer/tree/car accident….and I’m sure that husband #3 left her plenty of cash and real estate…money isn’t an issue for her… but…i couldn’t help but wonder….had she wished THIS one dead too? Did all the money in the bank help her sleep better at night?

        Yep, Ms. Bazz…we all got issues…..

        “If we hug our troubles out on the line…you’d take yours and I’d still take mine.”

      • Debbie Young says:

        You are so right!! Too much sense of entitlement these days!!

  8. Debbie Young says:

    Oops! I meant to also add my sadness for your son losing his wife and baby! I’m glad he has you, & vice versa! ♡

    • Mama Via says:

      Thank you so much, Debbie…there is nothing worse than watching your child grieve the loss of his own child. There is no way to console him…Son and I are fortunate to have one another! God has blessed us greatly!

  9. Mine didnt come with instructions, either and turned out to be 3 outstanding human beings.
    I think #281129 ‘s problems started very early in life…1st born..all the attention..then mom and dad had the NERVE to have 2 other children ..and “things changed in the household “..she was not #1 anymore, had to share the attention ..AND help with their care. How dare her parents “do her ” like that! ..this led to a constant “attention seeking ” behavior, and rebellion. She never got it out of her head that she was not Princess Jodi.

    • Mama Via says:

      I think you are right, Heidi! She never got over having to share her mother (and father?) with anyone else! She always felt that she was “shorted”…sometimes it just personality…sometimes it is some kind of brain injury.. Sometimes it’s just chemistry, sometimes it is a true lack nurturing…sometimes all of the above.

      I’ve noticed that a LOT of the under 40 crowd have a “sense of entitlement”…they expect to be rock stars without ever practicing the guitar, they expect to graduate high school with out attending or doing homework and they expect $15 an hour to say “want fries with that, mister?”

      The old “why should I go get a job when welfare/workmans comp/social security pays more than I’d make flipping burgers…they don’t understand that flipping burgers is not a career!

      And it us all “someone else’s fault”…

  10. Connie Rust says:

    Great blog Mama! While I can’t speak to raising kids since I never had any, I can say my parents raised me right. Those switches taught me a thing or 2 and I and my siblings turned out just fine. I would be proud to have you as a mother any day! I lost my mother at age 11 but gained a wonderful step mother a few years later. My grandparents (both sets) helped raise us kids and taught us well.
    For those prayers here I could use a few. Just found out my baby sister has breast cancer. It’s stage 1 but a very aggressive cancer so she is about to embark on a very rough year. Chemo starts next week for 18 weeks, then surgery, then radiation. She is being very positive…much more so than her gloom and doom sister. I’ve seen so many people close to me go thru all kinds of cancer and many of them did not end well. She lives in NC so I can’t be there with her thru the whole thing and that is hard since we are so close. She does have a wonderful husband and 2 great kids who will all be there with her every step of the way. I just never dreamed this would ever happen to her. She eats healthy, doesn’t smoke or drink, does all the right things and we have no cancer in the family. It just goes to show you that you always have to keep the glove handy as you never know when life will throw u a curve ball. She is here now for a visit (which was already planned before this awful news came) so this will be a special visit. Her birthday is tomorrow so we’re celebrating her b-day, her hubby’s b-day (today) and my brother and my b-day from last month. My brother and I were born on the same day 2 yrs apart.
    Sis was sitting on the couch with the wiener dog in her lap (I’m chopped liver when she comes to visit). He honed right in on her boob and just kept smelling it. Tell me dogs don’t know….dumb animals? I don’t think so.

    • TrulyUSA says:

      So sorry to hear about your sister, Connie, I will say a prayer for her and all your family.

    • Bazzethound says:

      Connie-your sister and you’ll definitely have prayers from Virginia- since we’re so close to NC they’ll have a little extra umph.
      ~ Gwen, aka Bazzethound

  11. mrsmojojojo says:

    Wow… (again) So true, so true. I too was aghast when SA claimed that she and many members of the family saw bruises. Then why didn’t they testify? Obviously she is towing the party line but by doing so she is causing hardship to the rest of the family. It is the total lack of responsibility that annoys people. I agree with the juror who said that she is a psychopath and that a murder was in her future somewhere along the line. I also believe that she wouldn’t have stopped at TA if the police hadn’t stopped her first. Darryl Brewer should be counting his blessings, it was him she going to see when she was arrested and found to have 2 knives and a gun in her possession. Her intention she said was to return some items that were his. I assume she used the same excuse with TA. Psychopathology doesn’t just rear it’s ugly head out of the blue. Enough has been said and written about her tantrums at Estrella for me to believe this has been a life long problem. Her mother knows this. Question: So mom shows up too little too late, how does her spawn benefit by co-signing denial? But I feel for her too. She gave birth to a very organically damaged child, the signs of which did not show until she had 2 more little ones to care for. You are right when you said she was happy she was gone because it was not longer her problem. The Arias family doesn’t strike me as being worldly. They just don’t seem to have the knowledge of psychiatry that was all too needed there. Hence SA statement to Flores that Jodi just needs to let go the past and enjoy life. Jeeez I thought…It’s a bit more complex than that. I suppose I could go on forever about this, it is still a stone in my shoe. Once again, a very good, thought provoking writing. My take away – Denial aint just a river in Egypt. What a horrible place that thing has put so many people in. May it dawn on her someday that every moment of that trip provided an opportunity to turn around. Love ya Mama and Kelly. Love this blog 🙂

  12. TrulyUSA says:

    I’ve had my challenges with my son, he’s not a murderer but he’s a long way from perfect. I had the guilt of raising him alone. He received DNA from his father who had addiction issues and was never there for him physically or financially. Now he has them, too. I did all the things a mother should do, working hard to provide for him, emphasizing education, applying discipline with explanations of why that discipline was necessary, introducing him to church, providing for his every need — perhaps a little too much. I so wanted him to be okay. He’s not okay. Huge huge hole in my heart and feelings of despair. It started when he went to tech school at age 18, and we are still fighting this at age 26. Many rehabs, some jail time, fear of overdoses, watching him waste his life and his health. Heroin. Heartbreaking. So, sometimes the best is not good enough, sometimes parents can’t make it happen no matter their good intentions. I was no Sandy, though. I did not let it slide past me, which is why there was jail time and rehabs. I always told him, “if you give me the choice of death or prision, I’m sending you to prison every time!” I used to think it was all environment that determined the course of a child, but now I know it’s really what the child decides to do with the chances he has. Good kids can come from horrible families, and horrible kids can come from good families, but it is never okay to pretend that your child is not responsible for his or her own behavior. My child is a murderer in his own way, he is murdering himself.

    • Bazzethound says:

      Truly, my heart breaks for you. Can you imagine how your son would have ended up without an amazing thoughtful mom TEACHING and guiding him along the way. I agree- some babies are born with such a propensity for addiction that the first sip or hit turns a switch in their brains and the addiction begins. God bless you for sticking with him AND making sure he takes responsibility. Its got to be heartbreaking.

      • TrulyUSA says:

        Thank you Bazzet, I still have hope. My husband of 4 years nearly divorced me because of the strain of dealing with my son. I’ve had to turn the page somewhat, because he has financially drained me between attorneys, rehabilitation centers, fines and court costs, helping again and again. Now I am near retirement age and I’ve spent pretty much anything I had saved for myself, trying to save him. He kicked it once, but it came back, and he is in jail because he could not stay clean and was on probation for possession. He knows I will turn him in every time I find him doing it. I can only hope that one day he will be strong enought to kick it for good, before it’s the last time and the drug wins. It’s an epidemic in America right now, and I wish there were better answers and help for those with that demon chasing them.

  13. Lori g says:

    Thank you mama. Better than I could have put it. I am 57 and raised 4 children. The 2 oldest were extremely challenging and the last 2 fit into the proverbial box. Sandy could’ve gotten help for jodi. There are fine doctors that volunteer their time at free clinics. I have to admit that I was in denial for years thinking this was a phase. The light bulb came on and I realized they needed serious help before 18 cause I couldn’t force them after. It’s a long road and I realize that a parent can only do so much and the rest is up to them. We worked very hard with them. So hard that sometimes it was too much for my husband. Fast forward several years. They are 30, 27, 25 and 21. They are kind, loving, respectful and all very successful. Was it our help or they did it on their own? I’ll never know. Sandy could have tried. Maybe it wouldn’t have helped, but as a parent , you have to try.

  14. Constance says:

    Dear Mama Vie,
    Love your post. You analyze it very clearly.

    For the sake of discussion, my cynical side says that sociopaths have no remorse and will never accept responsibility.
    Add narcissism on top of that and you have 458434.

    458434 won’t care at all when her father dies, or care at all when her mother dies.
    The only thing that she will feel is more victimized by them no longer coming to see her or write to her.

    My personal experiences have noticed that very often a “sick’ person such as 458434 usually has a “sick” family and friends who cooperate with the sickness at every step of the process.

    Witness Casey Anthony and her family as a sterling example.

    Witness Scott Peterson and how his family stonewalled Laci’s family.

    Witness OJ Simpson and how his daughter Arnelle, secretary Cathy Randa, and friend Al Cowlings lied and covered up for him.

    485434’s parents are sick as they willfully choose to cooperate with their spawn’s lies. That whole victim mentality and lack of accountability ran in that family for decades or they would have gotten psychiatric help for her a long long time before spawn ever was out of high school.

    As to spawn suffering in the:
    tiny cage
    blistering heat,
    the lack of water. No Evian for Spawn!
    with the ongoing noise all day and a great deal of the night (not exactly a zen meditation environment)
    the poor lighting (not conducive to reading)
    the dust
    the dirt
    the mold on the concrete walls and floors from the dripping water,
    the lack of hot water in the showers at times and the rusty pipes overhead. (Don’t count on luxuriating in 15 minutes of great water flow with triple milled soap and a big thirsty fluffy towel to dry off with!)
    the spiders, scorpions and other flying or crawling bugs,
    the horrible food
    the thin mattresses that don’t offer any protection from the hardness of the steel bunks
    the lack of privacy
    the lack of freedom
    the lack of choice
    the lack of comfort and small luxuries – clean underwear, let alone underwear that fits! No fresh flowers for Spawn! No manicures or pedicures or facials or waxing or blow-drys!)
    the lack of a cell phone or laptop. No web surfing or games!
    the indifferent medical care (or lack of it)
    the inmates she will be surrounded with 24/7 who are just as manipulative and deceitful and damaging as she is
    etc., etc., etc.
    I think that she has deliberately chosen all of it with her actions.

    She could have avoided it.

    Instead, with regard to Travis she planned and smirked and knew exactly what she wanted to do and deliberately carried it out.

    She made the choice to be right where she is now, in the circumstances that surround her every second, hour, day, week, month, year and decade of her remaining earthly time.

    Her Mother if she had had any decency at all – which she clearly doesn’t – would never have made any of the self-serving statements she did. it was a stomach churning disgrace.

    • mrsmojojojo says:

      Well said.. well said. Smirk on Jodi!!! Until someone smacks that smirk right off of her face. I often wonder about how those breast implants leave her completely vulnerable should a fight go down. Wouldn’t it be natural for her to protect that area, leaving her head unprotected. Those silicon bags break and she is really in the shit. I look forward to the restitution hearing and seeing her part with her commissary money. She all but annihilated any hope of an appeal with her admission of the memory of the throat slitting. I would love to see that murder money taken away. BTW… does anyone know if the Alexanders filed a civil suit? If they did, then all the facts of the murder money will be scrutinized. Do I have that right?

  15. G’day everyone, I don’t comment much, but I do read, and Mama you got it spot on! The yabby doesn’t crawl far from the billabong. Like mother, like daughter. I agree I reckon 281129 wrote that little spiel for her enabler. I say enabler because I agree with you Mama.. when I was 4 I was an orphan placed in a household where children were seen and not heard. I learnt very quickly what was expected of me, and discipline was a wooden spoon, a belt, a hand, a jug cord or a cane. I am still quiet a lot of the time but that is by choice. Better to keep your trap shut and let everyone think you are a fool than to open it and prove it.
    281129 was angry because she really thought she would get away with it and has finally had the first indication that her actions have consequences. She is an angry little ant and I am sure she is sitting in her Travis decorated blue cell and making a list of all the people she is angry at, and how she is going to appeal based on it.
    Karma is a funny thing, JSS bent over backwards to make sure there were no appeal issues so each and every time she tries to get a new trial she will be sent a document saying denied, not even an outing to appear in court! She is now toast and with age will become soggier and drier. She is right where she needs to be… no sympathy for either it or the family of the murderer.

  16. Bazzethound says:

    Mamma: I know the feeling. Here I sit in my small house, driving a 13 year old car, and am sometimes too anxious to walk out the front door. I have several friends and family that SEEM to have it all- but this one’s husband loves porn, this one never had a real spark with her DH and wonders why she feels so empty, etc.

    As I tell my husband and sons… I knew I’d always love you, but I’m especially happy that I still genuinely LIKE you! Some days it might be all I have, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
    ~ Gwen, aka Bazzethound

  17. Bazzethound says:

    P.S. too funny- I have an alarm on my phone to remind me to go outside to get my first grader off the bus. What is it?
    “Bad boys, bad boys, Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?!!” 😃

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Varmt News Network

It's the Internet.


Just another site

Asleep in Left Field-My Life

4 out of 5 Friends recommend this site

Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories


sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us

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