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The In House Psychic Has Finally Decided To Do Her Damn Job-Stabby’s Letter

Yeah, I know you can hear me bitch, you’re a psychic.

Hi everyone, it’s me Dean of Fuckery, Law Professor, Resident sarcasm expert and Queen of all I survey. We have had yet another contract dispute with my in house psychic; something about working conditions or some shit. Truthfully I just heard wah wah wah. Anyway, since she consulted a lawyer who informed her that a contract of indentured servitude is binding she better suck it up and write before I take away her TV time or something.

Check this out http://www.kimawhittemore.com/#!press/cnec it’s pretty cool that we are on an authors press site.

Oh, there seemed to be some confusion over the bad penny post, there was never a part two and I have no clue why the link wouldn’t work to the original. Seems to work now. Anyway without further interruption, the in house psychic brings you what Stabby really meant when she wrote that letter.

why do I always get stuck with the stabby shit? WHY? Why can’t I do a nice reading on Charles Manson or That dick that shot up the theatre. Do you hate me? FINE. Pass the Tylenol and the Pretoria puke bucket. You’re such a bitch. Yes I know you heard me I said it out loud.

4/25/2015

Hi everyone! I hope things suck as hard for all of you as they do for me at the moment because if I’m suffering, you should all be suffering. I’m getting settled in, I’m already somebody’s prison bitch. That is just how hot I am. The day I arrived, people threw rotten food at me professionally and efficiently. Good aim too. I got a used tampon in the face. My mom said I look like a serial killer in my DOC photo which made me laugh because we all know I never got the chance to be a serial killer… unless you count the missing animals around the neighborhood. After my photo shoot for life without parole monthly I was taken to CDU (cootie Detention Unit) and placed on “watch” (suicide watch, that is because we all know I might try and papercut myself to death, if it didn’t sting so damn much). After a week, I was brought over to Lumley. I was totally put in Debbie’s old cell. . My cell is blue because they think it will remind me of Travis but because I am a heartless bitch of course it won’t. I have a grey desk and shelving, unfinished concrete floor. It stinks like urine and hopelessness. This place is teaming with little animals for me to kill if I can just get my hands on them. Lots of different birds and prairie dogs ( at least that’s what everyone calls them). They have dog in their name and remind me of doggie boy so I plan on kicking one every chance I get. I saw one take off w/a chunk of bologna the other day! (Yep, there is bologna here!) I also saw some officers with poisonous pellets they said were for the prairie dogs, but guess who is skipping dinner tonight just in case.

I won’t go on too much about the food. It’s pretty gross but not quite as gross as before. Everyone says how awful the food at MCSO is because it fucking is.

I’m currently segregated while they toss the prison daily for shanks. They are up to 987. Some of them even have my name on them. How freaking cool is that. I’m a rockstar. Still, I’ve seen many familiar faces since arriving which is kind of a problem since they cannot deal with my superiority. Having been at Estrella for 6.5 years, I’ve seen many people go before me. They told everyone I was coming and how superior my intellect is so you can just imagine the welcome I got.

I’ve gotten some interesting feedback on my sentencing, most of it saying things like die you sloppy cooched whore. Jokes on them since I got life. In here. The general consensus (that I’m getting) is that people think I am a sick bitch for saying what I said. Well fuck them. One girl said I have “lady balls” of course that was Donovan so I don’t know if that counts. One guy(my dad actually) said what I said was “way overboard”. Well Dad, you can suck it. I’m sure it made some of my friends uncomfortable, and maybe even disgusted some of you. Well that was absolutely my intention, so Yay me. I have to say, I only wish I would have said MORE , not less. I could have given everyone nightmares for the next 5 years and I’d be in your heads for ever. I’m already as famous as Charles Manson. I owe my life to #17 and I sure hope that check clears. She earned it.

I had only intended to apologize and declare my own commitment to pay restitution. (Even though I’m the one that thought 2nd degree and 10 years was fair for slaughtering Travis so it’s not my fault there were two trials. My statement was not an appeal for leniency it was a heartfelt fuck you. God himself could have parted the heavens and commanded the judge to be lenient because hey in my world that could totally happen – she would have disobeyed him because she saw through my bullshit, which in retrospect pisses me off. I put on such a good show, how the hell did that dumb bitch see through it. So, after two trials with a prosecutor that I like to call corrupt because it makes me feel better about my useless legal team, then having to listen to more lies and distortions and facts from the TA camp at sentencing – well, my high tolerance for B.S. from anyone that isn’t me had simply reached its maximum capacity. I consulted with my legal team; they told me to shut the fuck up and stick to the script.

If you wrote a letter to the judge asking if there was a way around a unanimous vote for death fuck you. I’m looking at you dad. It’s probably not something one does very often. The judge took 10 minutes to read, what, almost 1 letter – which doesn’t include the 75 feet or so of travel time from the bench to chambers and back. Thank you all so much for being the gullible bitches that you are. I’m really not worthy but since you cannot seem to figure that out I’m just going with it. Your money is precious to me so dig deep for that appellate fund, or Costa Rica fund if I happen to escape. Either/or.

Stabby Einstein.

this is the in house psychic signing out and plotting ways to get out of my contract.  Excuse me I think I may have to throw up.

Ummm, thank you in house Psychic.  So there you have it kids, the letter stabby was thinking while she wrote the other one.

Have a spectacular evening.  RBMD peacing the fuck out!

EDIT:  I would just be an ignorant person if I did not acknowledge the outpouring of love and support over the last couple of months.  You have no idea how much your well wishes and thoughts and prayers meant to me.  Thank you for the emails, the e-cards and for just letting me know I was in your thoughts.  I am so happy to be back amongst the no kill shelter and writing again.  Thank you all from the bottom of my cold dead heart.  You all mean the world to me.

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31 Responses to The In House Psychic Has Finally Decided To Do Her Damn Job-Stabby’s Letter

  1. Debbie Young says:

    Great to see you, Queen! Yep, that’s what Stabby meant!

  2. Lori g says:

    You rock

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Lori. Thank you so much. I’ve truly missed this so I’m glad I’m back.

  3. renaes24 says:

    On a side note here: Da Plane! Da Plane! : Last time I saw it, the Hobbits had their paws all over it. So???? Who wants to go out and help snitch it back? (Need help cause my leg is still a mess)

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Renae. God damn hobbits. We are going to have to snitch it back because hobbits don’t get to have our stolen plane. I’m sure Mama and Twister and Basset will give us a hand. I’m so sorry your leg is still jacked. Any idea what they can do for it?

      • renaes24 says:

        Surgery has been suggested. (Pass on that!) I will just have to suck it up for however many months it takes (hopefully) or just gimp around like the hunchback of Notre Dame (damn bells). Sigh! (Luckily, I still have my walker from my broken foot/ankle days. )Meanwhile, yesterday hubby came home with a groin pull so we are a matching set! Guess we aren’t going dancing anytime soon.

      • Mama Via says:

        I’m sending both you and your DH healing vibrations…I hope you both heal quickly…and painlessly…

        Sending love

      • Bazzethound says:

        I’m in. Just tell me I don’t have to hide a shank somewhere. I do have my limits!
        ~ Bazzethound

      • Twister says:

        I’m in too. I’ve checked KS. It’s not here. What happened to your leg Renae?

      • renaes24 says:

        Twister: I tore & or stretched out both a tendon and 2 ligaments. Hurts/hurts/hurts. (have no idea of how I did it….)

      • Mama Via says:

        I’m in….it’s not in JAX either!!

      • Twister says:

        Oh, that sounds painful. Wishing you and hubby rapid healing.

      • TrulyUSA says:

        Okay Okay Okay! I saw de plane pass over the Midwest and land in Daddy’s lower 40 acres. Something strange climbed out and started lasering off pieces of cows so Daddy got his shotgun and let the bastard have it. It’s time to cut hay so you know I had to get that thing out of Daddy’s fields, and it’s a little worse for wear now because it’s been everywhere, Man. Daddy always said if you want to get away with murder (don’t tell Stabby), do it in our county. So far, nobody’s looking for the creature so I’m thinking we’re good.

      • renaes24 says:

        We will be there on Friday to pick it up. We are currently deciding on it’s next hiding place.

  4. State Eunice says:

    I have a relative who works at Perryville in a supervisory position. I was told that Stabby is locked down 23 hrs a day and will be that way for at least 2 years. Stabby isn’t allowed see anyone except for the on duty CO’s. She gets 3 showers a week and has a small TV in her cell. She can read books and write. That’s it…… 🙂 Anything new and I will report via this blog.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Eunice: I remember you talking about your relative before. If you would do that it would be greatly appreciated. You could even write a guest blog about it. I know everyone would love it. Glad to see you.

    • Mama Via says:

      Thank you , State Eunice for the wonderful information! It’s so nice to hear truth without the tint of an agenda!

  5. Mama Via says:

    OH MY FUKKING GOOD GRAVY!!! Thank YOU, IN HOUSE PSYSIC!!! So, TOTALLY right the HELL ON!!! (Applause!!!the crowd goes wild!! STANDING O! More applause!!)

    That is CERTAINLY one of in house Psychics FINEST interpretations in …like…FUKKIN FOREVER!!!

    THAT, my dear friends…is exactly what I tried (and FAILED) to do for almost three weeks…I’m going to HAVE to buy an indentured servant or something…(but NOT one with an attitude, if you like, get my drift, here) if I ever want to become rich and infamous!

    It just shows to go you, that true talent is a gift…and I’m proud to say, that our dear Queen of Fuckery has the gift of the written word, and the IHP has a true mastery in reading the minds of psychopaths! Luckily for us…there are many…and SURPRISE! A reading of a certain Theater Shooter may be on the upcoming posts if mama can get her grubby little hands on a certain notebook…we will possibly have 2 separate 3-ring binders provided by Sheriff Joe which outline a certain inmates behavior over the past 8 years!

    In addition to RMBD being quoted on author Kim Ann Whittemore’s website (how VERY COOL!) Our Queen has offered a Guest Blog spot to Ms. Whittemore…and we are working on “firming up” the arrangements! I am so very happy that our Queen has this little venture happening. If you remember, after reading “Behind the Words” Volume 1 & 2, it was only the lack of the words “f*ck”, “F*cker”, etc, that convinced me that Our Queen was NOT the author…and I am told by Ms. Whittemore’s daughter that Ms. W is currently working on Volume 3, the “Behind the Words” with Mr. Martinez! THAT should be FACINATING! (Albeit, not quite as excellent as the work of our In House Psychic in interpreting letters written by the Princess of PERRYVILLE! ) HA-Ha!!

    Kudos to the IHP! Excellent blog post! I am ELATED that we are NOT “journalists”…imagine how BORING it would be…to be stuck with those nasty little fukkers called FACTS!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Thank you mama. I’m glad it gave you a laugh.

      • TrulyUSA says:

        I’m late to the party but Woot Woot! Way to go Kelly!! You’ve got the best damned psychic money can’t buy. I absolutely whole-heartedly LMAO loved it!

  6. Constance says:

    Ha-ha, that was great psychic translation!

  7. Mama Via says:

    Reblogged this on Out in left field and commented:
    Wow…doesn’t get better than this!

  8. mrsmojojojo says:

    Good to hear from you… I pray you are well, I am happy to see you are writing. I hate this Stabby stuff now too, but did you see that George Barwood Wikispaces blog? I just read it even though Vinnie Politan tweeted about it a while ago. Because George has a direct turnabout in opinion, now agreeing she is guilty, there are serious thugs that try to pass themselves off as supporters commenting there. Most of the thuggery relates to money he promised to donate to her appeal fund, apparently he hasn’t done it yet and they are all over him like mafioso loan sharks. Bottom feeders all.. huh. This DC / Daron Wint murders look interesting, definitely an inside job. Be good Kelly …. Glad you’re back!

    • renaes24 says:

      Barwood’s Wiki was supposedly hacked which is why there is that ‘turnaround’. If you check other sites, he still supports IT.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai mrsmojojojo: I’m doing okay thank you. I heard his wiki got hacked but who knows. Thank you, I’m very glad to be back.

  9. Hey kelly, love the in house psychic 😀 so happy you are back in the saddle, keep those posts coming!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Carmen. The in house psychic and I don’t see eye to eye sometimes but she is definitely good at what she does. I’m pretty happy to be back in the saddle myself. I missed you guys.

  10. Carla says:

    You, my Dear, are a badass!

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