Mama Speaks-A Story of Four Women

Mama’s Rant

The Story of Four Women

First…I’m not a republican and I’m not a democrat.  I am, perhaps like a lot of you, a bit of each…I’m worried about our country, I’m worried about our families, and I’m worried that some idiot will push the red button and send the only form of (supposedly) intelligent life into oblivion.  It seems that the older I get, the more frightened I am of “What is our world coming to?”

My issue with Republicans:  While saying that they want “less government”….they try to dictate what a woman does with her own womb!  OK, I get that you “value life”…I do too.  But, I don’t believe that Government belongs anywhere near my (old, tired) Vag!  Just a question…how many men (or women) are currently on Death Row because they grew up in homes where they were not wanted?  No one can force a woman to love a child. She, and only she, knows whether she is ready, willing and able to not only give birth to that child, but to devote the rest of her life to another human.  

Personally, I’ve never had an abortion….I’m glad that I was never in the position to HAVE to make that decision.  During my life, I’ve witnessed one woman die because she refused to terminate a pregnancy; I’ve witnessed the mental and emotional carnage that the pregnancy and later, the deaths of mother and child, brought about.  

I’ve witnessed the birth of a child born blind, deaf and mentally handicapped.  That child is now 19, weighs barely 75 pounds and is virtually a vegetable.  Doctors have “brought her back from the brink of death” more times than anyone can remember.  She is loved, and valued by her parents and family.  The doctors said that she would never live beyond age 5….the fact that she has survived as long as she has , speaks volumes about the dedication and love that child’s family give her,

Yet another child, a result of incest, was born with Downs Syndrome, and numerous health issues.  The three years that the Creator gave to that child, and his mother, were magical and precious years for her, and my heart aches for both mother and child.  

These three women are/were super-human heroes in my eyes.  I’m not sure that I could have endured all that they endured, yet, knowing all three women intimately, I konow that it would have been even more difficult for them (emotionally) to terminate their pregnancies.  I thank the Creator for never putting me in the situation that these three women were in.  I’m not sure which one was more heroic…the one whose pregnancy physically killed her….or the two, who struggled each day to give their children’s lives meaning, in spite of the sacrifices they’ve made.  (There, but by the grace of God, go I.)

No one would have been able to tell any of these three women what the right answer was for THEM.  The choices that they made, the choices that thousands of women, who did not feel that they were able to sacrifice their lives, cannot and should not be made by a bunch of bureaucrats!  The women I told you about; my sister, my daughter in law and my cousin, each knew that if their decision had been different than it was, knew that  no matter what their decision, I supported them fully and completely.

Now, the story of the fourth woman, one who has throughout her life acted irresponsibly.  In fact, it was her irresponsibility, her failure to actually come out of her drug induced stupor long enough to go fill her “pill” prescription which would have prevented the pregnancy in the first place.  She talked about going to terminate the pregnancy….but she either “never got around to it”, or “never had the money to pay for it”.  (Yet, she always had enough money to buy drugs!  Yes, while she was pregnant!). The child is ten now.  His name is “Sebastian”…she’s called him “Se Bastard” since his birth.  The child has always known that he is an “imposition” to her–on her time and the things she wants to do.  The only “relief” and “joy” that child felt were the days when she took him to her “baby daddy’s” mother’s house and “dumped” him there. He knows his Grandmother loves him.

Sebastian has 10 other siblings.  None of the 11 children have the same two parents. Almost two years ago, Sebastian’s Grandmother called Social Services.  His mother was living with 4 of her children, in a bedroom at her “friends” home, and spent her evenings smoking crack in the bedroom while the children were sleeping.  All of her children were born addicted…and they stayed high while in their mother’s “care”.  But…there is some good news……

Grandmother (who one of my cousins) has just recently finalized adoption papers, and has adopted three of the children that the mother claims are the result of a “hook up” with my cousin’s son.  It took several months to get those children “clean”…they were all “high” when the police removed them from the home. From the moment my cousin took custody of those children, they’ve received love and tender discipline.  They have been in weekly therapy sessions, have received special help and tutoring in school.  My cousin is only a few years younger than I am…and at close to 60, she should be “enjoying life” and not raising a second family.  The night my cousin became a “Mom” again, she took in three children: Sebastian was 8, his younger brother was 4 and their little sister was only 6 months old.  The (biological) mother makes no effort to see the children….the court gave her over three years to provide social services a “clean” urinalysis, and she was unable to do that even once.  Even KNOWING her children would be removed from her home could not motivate her to change or to get help!  She told the Grandmother that the only thing she really missed about SeBastard was that her AFDC (Aid For Dependent Children) check used to be “a lot more money”…and then attempted to use guilt and pity on the Grandmother for give her money.  She said that it was reasonable to expect the Grandmother to pay her for “letting” Grandmother adopt her kids!!! (I’m VERY proud of the progress the children are making while living with their Grandmother!

While I realize that none of these stories comes close to being “beaten with a wooden spoon” or “pushed into a door frame” and “knocked unconscious”…(I’m being facetious!)  

The first three women, my sister, cousin and daughter in law would have done anything in the world to have healthy, happy children….children who were able to touch our world, and make our country. Better place…and they were denied that opportunity to raise the children they desired so much……..

The woman who was given so many heathy children didn’t want or need any of them…thank the Creator for providing loving Grandmothers!  Those two little boys and little girl now have a chance.  I hope that you will send a prayer in thanks for your own children and the blessings they bring…and send a small prayer for that loving Grandmother who is sacrificing her “retirement” in the hope that those three little drug-affected children will grow up to change our world for the better….that one day they will have children who will make their Grandmother so very proud!  (No Jism here!)

**An update since I first wrote this.  Sebastian is now 10. His brother 6 and his sister 3.  The boys are in school now, and “Little Sister” is in “pre-school” several afternoons each week.  Sebastian has been in counseling, and is making progress.  He was a very angry little boy, but, he is “making better choices” Grandmother says.  Please keep her and the children in your prayers.  The children gave far to go…and Grandmother could use some strength! Also, please say a prayer for all the unwanted children that don’t have a Grandmother in their lives.   Thank you!


13 Responses to Mama Speaks-A Story of Four Women

  1. spellbound4 says:

    My most heartfelt admiration to this amazing Grandma. May she find all the strength and support she needs throughout the coming days and years. Thank you for sharing this with us here.

    • Mama Via says:

      Thank you, dear SpellBound…Grandma is my cousin…and she is truly amazing! She babied me thru my sister’s death…and she was on the cell phone with me when I went to the hospital and the doctor & nurse told me that my daughter in law was dead, and my unborn grandson would never take a breath. I’m VERY lucky to have her in my life… she’s been my best friend, a sister…and she has even (verbally) “kicked my butt” when I needed “a good talking to”! She has 6 grown (but not grown up) children (including the one that can’t keep his pecker in his pants)….she’s the one that taught me that you can give your children the best if yourself, give them every tool known to a parent…but you cannot act for them, you cannot be responsible for their actions…and….that it is okay to “not like them much” some days….all while loving them. We have each become stronger, more loving, and better women because of our relationship. There is no doubt in my mind that having her as their “MomMom”, that she will heal their broken hearts…and their troubles will be barely remembered (if at all)…

      I’ll give her your best wishes and prayers when I chat with her this week…..

  2. debl115 says:

    All the best to your Grandma cousin, Mama Via, and bless her heart for raising those grandbabies. I have known 3 amazing grandmas that have done the same, myself included for a period of time, thankfully my daughter got rid of her sperm donor, and took it upon herself to do it on her own. I’ve missed all of you ladies, Mama Via, especially, you have a heart of gold, as do you, Kelly.

    • Mama Via says:

      Thank you, Debl! I’ve said a thousand times: all I am, and will ever be is due to my wonderful Gramma, who raised me. (And all that I am NOT, is my own damn fault!) When my cousin said that she missed Gramma, and that none were like her, I reminded her that our Gramma is never really “gone”…that Gramma lives on in she and me (she and I?)…and that the things Gramma taught us, we teach our children & grandchildren…and, they in turn, teach THEIR children and grandchildren…we need look no further than the mirror to find the strength and love of our parents and grandparents. (And that baby crabs walk like mama crabs.)

      My cousin did not have the same challenges in life that I had to overcome (she had a set all to herself!), in fact, her parents are STILL married and very “active” in some of their grandchildren’s lives. But, she told me that one of the things she thought about when she made the decision to adopt her grandchildren were the things I told her about being raised by my Grandmother.

      As bad as it sounds, my female egg-donor did me a favor by removing herself from my life at such an early age! She went on to have two other children that she decided to “raise”….a boy & a girl…neither finished high school (let alone get a college degree), the girl married at 16 and works as a janitor at a hospital (no children); the boy joined the Army the minute he became eligible, served his 20 years and became a prison guard (he has children, but I know nothing about them)…and pardon me for being snarky…but…neither one is able to think their way out of a paper sack with the top open and an arrow printed with the words “one way”….neither of them have computers or cell phones (too confusing!) nor have they ever developed any sense of “family”. In a way…I feel sorry for them both…and I know how blessed I am to have had my Gramma love and care for me the way she did. (When I miss her, I either look in the mirror or call my cousin…)

      God bless your three amazing Grandmothers…and God bless you too, for being the wonderful women who bring light and love to the world of hurt children. Grandmothers are societies “glue”…they hold tomorrow’s promises in their hearts and hands!

  3. TrulyUSA says:

    That issue is such a slippery slope! I cringe when I hear about babies being born alive, purposefully kept alive, so they can harvest it’s parts. At the same time, I do believe it is each woman’s independent decision and according to her own belief system. I believe in free will and that you must accept the consequences of that freedom. So now, the pendulum has swung too far. When I was younger there was a 13 week cut-off if you wanted a legal abortion. There was no harvesting of parts for a profit — how morbid is that? Once things swing too far left, then it creates the tendency to swing too far right, just like a pendulum. I had a boss once, a really rigid kind of boss who set the rules and played by them, who used to tell me that the choices we all made as a group was like a teeter totter — if one of us went too far to one end, then he had to run like hell to the other side to keep us in balance. That made sense to me, and I decided I liked the middle best anyway. I’ve voted both parties, but to tell the truth, I don’t like any of them and I hate it when people get in my face about it. Good to hear from you Mama! Kelly, missing you too, hope all is well!!

    • Mama Via says:

      I like “moderation” too! As much as I love lobster, I wouldn’t want it every night!! Like you, I’ve voted Democratic, republican and independent…I never “married” any party program….

      Jim Hightower in Texas used to say “there’s only two things you find in the middle of the road…yella stripes and dead armadillos!” I’ll take the yellow stripes, please…..

      A woman knows when she is 3 months gone…and, there is no reason (that I can see) that a fetus (baby) would need to be aborted in the “late term”….and I do not think I believe in selling “baby parts”…but, I might think different if I needed “stem cells” to cure this constant and never-ending pain in my back…or if a few stem cells would cure my husband’s heart….there is a slippery slope….when I received my corneal transplant….I assumed that the Lion’s Eye Bank did not pay for the corneal tissue…but, I wonder if there was a fee for that tissue? I’m VERY grateful to the family and the man who gave his cornea to me…my quality of life is much improved!

      While I truly believe in a woman’s “right to choose”…if I were a man….and I wanted a child VERY badly….I might feel different…but, I’m still adamant that no MAN in WASHINGTON, DC knows a woman’s situation better than she herself does…and it is SHE (and presumably her family) who will be obligated to raising that child to be a productive member of society….

      As I said before….I’m so very thankful that I was never in the situation where I had to make the decision.

      The other option is….if a woman cannot take the pill…she could always keep her knees together….abstinence has only “not worked” once….or so I’ve heard….

      • Gwen Bazzrea says:

        Not to be a complete smart-ass, as I prefer to be a partial one, but I was a social worker in my former life . I ran a program for pregnant and parenting teens.

        Actually, I’ve seen research that abstinence has a 20% failure rate. Think about it- if you’re planning to be abstinent and then it “fails” because you have sex, BAM- YOU MIGHT GET PREGGO!!!

        ~ Gwen, a.K.a. Bazzethound

  4. Constance says:

    Infinite love wishes sent to all those who give love – and who need love. Blessed be the kind hearted.

    Birth control is so readily available. So many heartbreaking tragedies of unwanted or neglected or drug damaged babies would not occur if just the least smidgen of responsibility had been taken.

  5. Lori says:

    Just heard that jism will stand trial

  6. Lori says:

    Jism found competent. Openings scheduled for 11/15

  7. Gwen Bazzrea says:

    Oh Mama, thank you for sharing these amazing women with us. I’m also thankful I’ve never had to make that terrible decision, although it was in my thoughts for the past three weeks as freakin’ Aunt Flo was very late. I don’t actually want to be pregnant at 43 with one in college and one in second grade. I blessed out DH since he didn’t go to his follow up appointment after his vasectomy six years ago. How worried was I? My due date would have been 6/18/16. Three kids, each nine years apart!!!
    All is well now. I wouldn’t have been able to morally justify an abortion in my case, but I support any other woman’s right- for any reason. I thank God I’m not facing an unintentional pregnancy. Thank Her too for all the terrific women who step in to raise children that they didn’t bring into the world.
    ~ Gwen

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