Mama’s Words of Wisdom

I can’t remember exactly why this topic came up…but, to keep you somewhat entertained until The Queen of the Universe receives her box and is able to blog again, I offer these ideas for your consideration and discussion.

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, I worked my way through college. Now, don’t get confused, I didn’t “work my way through college” like “some people” did…and I’m not naming names here, but, THEY seem to think that “working their way thru college” includes Mama & Daddy paying the “out of state” tuition, buying their books, paying for their dorm room and their 3-meals-a-day cafeteria card, giving them a.late model used car (and paying the insurance) and giving them a “small allowance” for supplies, delivered pizza  and other miscellaneous items.  Their Mama always took them to Dillard’s, Macy’s or the Gap for “school clothes” twice a year: September and March …plus more clothing at Christmas and birthdays.  So, why did they “need to work”?  Well, Mumsie & Dad refused to pay for booze binges, pot buys.  Such MEAN parents!!!  Nope, while they were scoping out the drug scene and dancing disco, I was paying rent, utilities, car payment, insurance, food, gas, and supporting my baby boy…(no help from Mama or Daddy, cuz they were both at the Rainbow Bridge!”)
Meanwhile, back at the ranch…I worked two and sometimes THREE Jobs!  I worked for an auctioneer on weekends, calculating and closing customer’s tickets, I occasionally worked at a tavern, serving beer and wine four days a week.  But my “regular” job was working for Personal Products Co.  If you’ve ever used an Always pad, StayFree MaxiPad or o.b. Tampon, you’ve used Personal Products  merchandise.  My job was to meet with the store manager, let him know that a new coupon was going to be in Sunday’s paper, and after checking the stock he had on hand, I would advise him on how much product he needed to order to cover the demand. Sometimes, I would set up and build the “end caps” that you so often see in grocery stores.  My “true job” was to “sell” the store manager the idea of ordering enough product to fill and re-fill that end cap for the duration of the coupon!
There are a few ways to get the grocery manager to do that…what seemed to work best was getting him into the feminine hygene aisle, and start talking about maxi-pads; how much they absorbed, about the new Always covering, the benefits of that new product  or I would talk to him about the o.b. Tampon.  I would explain that it had been invented by a woman,  and because she was a woman, she better understood what women wanted!  Now, mind you, this was back in the Dark Ages…and there weren’t as many “sensitive men” who were willing to be caught dead OR alive on the Feminine Hygene Aisle as there are now…And, yes, like you, I have heard rumors that there are actually real, live men who really DO buy their wives sanitary products!!!  Really…it’s true!!!
Before I began this “Service Representative” job, I was required to attend a sales seminar which taught us about all of the products, the different ways that we could “help” our customers and some basic “sales techniques”.     People are funny sometimes…even with a “buy one-get one’ coupon at a store that “doubles coupons”, the majority of women will NOT accept a bent or crushed box!  They will not accept a box that had insufficient glue on the flaps, know, one of those boxes where the closing flap isn’t quite completely closed!  So, one of my job requirements was to “swap out” bent, crushed, half open boxes for new, pretty product!  One of the “perks” of that job was that I could keep all the crushed boxes that I wanted to keep…or give them to family or friends…I also gave TONS of  product to the local women’s shelters, and to churches which had programs to assist unemployed or under priveledged women!  (I didn’t BUY sanitary products for YEARS!)
During the seminar I attended, I learned one thing that has helped me all through my life…I learned all about W I I F M. (Pronounced wiff ’em”)
When asking someone to do something for you, whether it is a customer to placing an order…or your husband buying you a new car…you need to remember that EVERY person has a sign on their chest with WIIFM written on it!
What’s In It For Me?  You have to be subtle, you have to have class, you can’t lose your temper or fly off the handle…you must be smart, you must be prepared and you must present your ideas (or “sales pitch”) properly and gently.  But, anything you want or desire can be had by presenting WIIFM!  In OUR family, Papa is the President and Tresurer, and I am the Vice President and Dog Walker.  My social security is my “allowance”…I make my car payment, storage fees, cell phone bill, my credit card bills and most of my medical bills…but, I sometimes have a big purchase, like when I bought my car, for instance…and, right now, a LOT of the upgrades in the house we are building, papa and I must discuss the advantages, the benefits and the value of our upgrades.
In addition to knowing the “pros & cons” of every issue, this technique” works best when you know a person’s motivation.  In the case of the grocery store manager, whose bonuses and salary are tied to sales…he wants enough product in stock and out on the floor…he doesn’t want a stock boy filling up that empty spot on the shelf every two hours, and he doesn’t want Mrs. Smith to go across the street to his competitor, who was smart enough to build a huge end cap and order extra stock!  
My ex-husband was motivated (consumed)  by greed first (and always) and secondly, he wanted to be seen as “Anglo” as possioble and to APPEAR to be educated (like 281129 he used big words incorrectly) but he refused to go to college!  He wanted to APPEAR to be successful by “having all the toys”, etc, etc. so,  when I needed a new car, I selected
PP  the BMW Z3 (not ONLY because that’s what I wanted) but because I knew it would appeal to his “toys” hang up, it appealed to the way he pictured himself…and, perhaps most rewarding to him…was that not two months after our purchase, his (competitive) brother bought one just like it…
As papa and I go thru the selections for our new home…I know his motivations too…his primary motive is for us to have a nice home that will be safe for both of us for the next 20 to 30 years, and secondly, to have a home that “makes mama happy and healthy”!  (Isn’t he wonderful! But I’d be willing to bet he NEVER bought a box of sanitary product!) When we went to visit our friends down in West Palm Beach, a LOVELY, wonderful, funny, and charming gay couple, I spend a great part of the day just floating in their pool, I also did Aqua-cizes of all sorts…and each day, after my floating and exercising, I felt a thousand times better   So, when the subject came up about having a pool, he didn’t hesitate, the pool was part of the build!  Neither of us are motivated by social pressure, the need to be admired, or the need to have someone “like” us.  We like ourselves, we accept ourselves…we like who we are as a couple, and really don’t give a flying flip if someone DOESNT like us.  We try our best everyday to be the best person we can be.  To live our lives with the morals, scruples and ethics that our parents and grand parents taught us and if someone doesn’t like us….there are MILLIONS more people that we can get to meet and get to know! (plenty of fishes in the sea!!)
So, do I still use WIIFM?  Yep, and my number one client is ME!!  It helps me make hard decisions.  I consider benefits…I consider consequences…in fact, it has helped me make better decisions in my life…Make better plans…sure, it takes more effort, you must look deeper into cause/effect, you must think about things a bit more, research them more (and  pay attention to someone other than yourself…but none of US do that!). Despite the effort, I think you will find the results worthwhile….after all…this is the one and only life we have…lets make it the best possible!

48 Responses to Mama’s Words of Wisdom

  1. renaes24 says:

    You both deserve to enjoy your new home. Savor every moment of picking out each detail. Happy wife…….happy life!

    • Mama Via says:

      Every choice with the house has been amazingly easy! If someone had asked me a year ago, I would have said that there is absolutely NO WAY that both of us would agree on ANYTHING about a house…from location to color of the carpet. Friends warned us that arguments are inevitable. But, we have had no cross words, no arguments. We have agreed so quickly it is almost frightening! The few times that we disagree, we look for a third option that pleases us both. For instance, he wanted carpet, (because he is on blood thinners, he is always cold) and I wanted “all tile” (partly because it’s so easy to keep clean, partly because of my allergies)…so, we negotiated…his office, the master bedroom, guest room and billiards room all have carpet and every where else has tile. For rooms where he spends a lot of time, like the Great Room, dining room and breakfast nook, we will add area rugs. If Boo gets sick, or wine is spilled, it’s easier (and cheaper) to replace an area rug than it is to replace a house full of carpet!

      It has been fun, and at times challenging,…we both feel that we are building OUR dream home…because I don’t work, I have more time to research materials, prices and design solutions. That is serving us well…I present the benefits of each choice and my DH always listens to my ideas, he asks lots of questions, he’s involved. He doesn’t always agree, but I feel we are making good choices,,,and that’s what it is all about.

  2. Mama Via says:

    Yeahhhhhh! Kelly’s package got thru customs on Friday….so she should have it by Monday or Tuesday…I don’t know how fast the postal service moves up there…but she should be back blogging…and mama can go back to holding the sofa down…we don’t want it to float away, you know!

  3. TrulyUSA says:

    Mama I know your house will be beautiful and just what you envisioned for both of you. Your ability to compromise will serve you well, and I’m happy for you! I grew up on a cattle farm and we were largely self-sufficient, growing enough food in the garden to feed a family of 5 through the winter (which we canned ourselves), we had our own milk cow and separated the cream and made our butter, our eggs were gathered daily from the hen house and when one quit laying it was time for chicken and dumplings. My mother would march out to the chicken yard and unceremoniously grab the poor old hen by the head and wring it’s neck until the body came off and flopped around the yard. Sounds cruel I know, but that was life on the farm, everything there had a purpose for our benefit, even in death. We raised and butchered our own beef and pork, caught bass and goggle-eyes in the farm pond for our fish, and the brothers supplemented the table with deer, squirrels (yes we ate them too), quail and rabbits. I thought everybody did that, but I know now that is not the case (and it’s been a long long time since I ate any little critters!). We were a hardy bunch and gave it no thought, it was life on the farm. We heated our home with a big wood stove and if you had a bedroom upstairs like I did, it was not unusual to see a film of ice over your glass of water by morning. I sewed most of my own clothes until old enough to work (15) and buy them off the rack, a real privilege. So, I never EVER feel bad about treating myself to something frivolous or spending more money than I had planned on something in my home, because my dues were paid. We didn’t have money for college, but I learned that if you worked hard you could accomplish most things you wanted to accomplish, and I always knew I had to start at the bottom but I didn’t have to stay there, and I did not! I know you came through your life in much the same self-sufficient way, minus the farm part. So spend what you like! Spoil yourself! It’s high time you did, Mama, because you have also paid your dues. Thanks for keeping us company until we can say “All Hail the Queen!” Kelly we miss you!

    • Mama Via says:

      Everything…including the farm part! Bit my uncle -not gramma- did the chicken part–he would chop off the head with an axe…and we would laugh at the silly chicken (“running like a chicken with its head chopped off” was a visual we knew!) but we didn’t know any better–it was funny then! We also had an out house…and u went to a 1 room school house-grade k to 8…you are right-you may have started at the bottom…but we knew we didn’t have to stay there forever…all it took was a will–and some effort-Gramma used to tell me that I could have anything I wanted-all I had to do was dream it-and act in my dream–“if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed-nothing shall be impossible to one farm girl to another–(I don’t regret even one moment–every moment brought me to NOW!)

  4. renaes24 says:

    OK Ladies, I now have my lottery tickets for the $1.3 billion drawing. (Like that is a number that is even comprehensible!) I say, if I win……we all meet up somewhere……and have one hell of a party! BUT, we have to keep the ‘litter-box’ people away.

    • TrulyUSA says:

      I’m getting mine tonight, Renae! You’re on! Major “no kill shelter” party coming — and if we can’t get Kelly out of her house, I’ll just have to build her a brand spanking new one with a courtyard big enough for all of us to gather in! We’ll cater in the best food in the whole country, hire her favorite band (or 3 or 4, hell we’ll have Battle of the Bands!), and fly everybody in (well, except no stinkin’ trolls)!! But don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of security to keep out the undesirables (you know who you are). Oh how I love to dream about money I’ll never have, HA!

      • Mama Via says:

        If I win…I’m sharing with all of y’all!! Hey, I can afford to be magnanimous!!!

      • TrulyUSA says:

        Hooray! Mama’s World! Party On!

      • reallybigmeandog says:


      • TrulyUSA says:

        Perfect! Love the idea of a big glass ballroom and I gotta feeling Willie and Ozzie would love the shelter dogs! Yes we’ll all pick a band and have the gosh darnedest party EVAH!!! Gotta go now! Off to buy more tickets and have to feed the husband — no worries we can put all the husbands in their own little glass room, LOL!

      • renaes24 says:

        OR……we rent Sir Richard Branson’s island…..and get Kelly there in her own little ‘bubble’ or isolation chamber. We won’t have to worry about any extraneous males……just a batch of us on our own little island.
        Meanwhile, all or dogs can have their own party.

    • Mama Via says:

      I’m at the doctor–waiting for another round of back shots…”let sigh”…maybe they will work!!

    • Mama Via says:

      I’m at the doctor now…getting another back shot..(le sigh). Hope it works!

  5. Twister says:

    Can’t think of anyone I’d rather ‘battle the bands’ with than Kelly and the shelter dogs!

  6. Mama Via says:

    Anyone heard from kelly?

    Where are we off to, truly? The UK? South Florida? The west a Coast? Can I bring papa and Boo?

    • renaes24 says:

      I guess WHERE we go depends on Kelly. If we can PRY her out of the house,,,,,,then we go somewhere exotic. If not, I guess Ontario will be the destination……..for now………

      • TrulyUSA says:

        Yes yes yes and yes! Double Yes to wherever Kelly wants to go, too. If we’ve got the money, Honey, we’ll find the time! We’ll go honky tonkin’ and we’ll have a time!

      • Mama Via says:

        Bring along your Cadillac, bring my old wreck behind….
        If you got the money honey, I got the time

    • reallybigmeandog says:


      • TrulyUSA says:

        Hooray! I’m buying more tickets now!!!!

      • Mama Via says:

        Hey…I heard TWO things this week…

        The FIRST…is that a big old clunky laptop with a working space bar is within a few miles of Kelly…and being held at the post office…but that is just a rumor…and what the hell do I know?

        SECONDLY…I heard yet ANOTHER RUMOR….you will have to ask kelly…but it has to do with SOMEONE we all know getting a real-live ———-(internship) for a REAL LIVE………..dammit…I can’t remember if it is XXXX. or XXXXXX..


      • reallybigmeandog says:


      • Mama Via says:

        That means we go to Tahiti, then…but, My Grandson won’t be able to play foot ball in Tahiti…(even WITH an internship!) so, maybe we will have to rethink where we are gonna go…

        (Lololol…your “first” “no comment”!!)

      • TrulyUSA says:

        I am intrigued!!! Whatever it is I know Kelly will “comment” when she’s ready and if you’re impressed Mama I know it’s somethin’ good! Sounds like it may require a major celebration regardless of tonight’s lottery outcome.

      • reallybigmeandog says:


      • renaes24 says:

        Silence is golden,
        Duct tape is silver,
        But chloroform does the trick every single time.

      • Mama Via says:

        Can we “party like it’s 1999?” Cuz I am ALL about that…well for 10 minutes anyway…till my back gives out!

  7. Mama Via says:

    Just as a side note…I’ve got my fur petted a little backward by the obviously knock-kneed-pigeon-toed-flying-purple-people-eaters who have to rake over the coals women such as lily Tomlin. (Born 1939, and looking better than MOST 76 year olds…hell..she looks better than most 50 year olds!! And ragging on Jane Fonda…who is OVER 5’8″ tall…and can’t weigh more than 110…hell, she was in Barbarella in 1967…LONG before those wankers living in their mothers basement and surviving on twinkles were even a twinkle in their daddy’s wanking dreams! To THOSE wankers….(obviously living in Rio Linda)…I say,…sod off, HORSEFACE!!!! Jane Fonda, (b.1937) is PROBABLY a perfect size 6 (maybe an 8)…she was on the cover of VOGUE before me, Twister or Renae were born…and she certainly fills out Bottega Veneta like the true professional she is…and she looks damn good…top to toes!! Yea, so what? She’s had plastic surgery…she looks FABULOUS!

    If all you can do is rag on the fashions (that despite your airs and fakery, you can not only NOT afford…you’d be laughed out of Valentino’s Studio)..(while you spewing all your fakery…just exactly where would you like to pretend you are wearing a 6 figure gown? Rio Linda American Legion?). Again…SOD OFF, wanker!!

    Will you hayseeds stay up in Rio Linda, Chico or Oroville where you frogging belong…and stay out of LA and OC…you are bringing the stench of barnyard with you!

    And please…if you have nothing nice to say…break your bleeding fingers will you? Go ask mama to kiss your boo-boo….console yourself with several pints of Blue Bell…and shut the hell up…no one knows who you are,,,and even more importantly, no one really gives a toss WHAT you flipping think about celebrities….

    SOD OFF!

    • reallybigmeandog says:


      • Mama Via says:

        Nothing…I was venting…some people I know from Northern California who were whacking on lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda about the way they looked…and since I know they read the blogs I write,,,but I don’t have their e mail…I answered here…

        Delete if you need to…I vented…

      • TrulyUSA says:

        I love Lily Tomlin, she’s one of a kind. Jane Fonda was young and foolish just like a lot of us were at some time or another and people want to hold onto that and beat her over the head with it for eternity. She is ageless. I miss the social pioneers of our youth, I look around now and all I see is tits and ass and empty heads. **Sigh** Does your fur feel all better now Mama?

      • reallybigmeandog says:


      • Mama Via says:

        Yep…I feel all better now! I just needed to rant, and get it off my chest…every time there is some celebration in HollyWeird, the “nothings” come out in droves…and rag on their betters…

        There are a “few” very FEW actresses/actors that have the staying power of Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, David Bowie, Paul McCartney, and, of course, my “Twin” brother, (born just hours before me) Ron Howard..

        For example, what does Kim Kardashian offer? She’s “famous for being famous”…and having butt implants…just WHO WANTS an arse the size of a “Tiny House”?

        I just don’t know WHAT is wrong with the children of baby boomers! They seem to think that WE are just MADE of money…they don’t seem to realize that we spent 4 or 6 or 8 or more years in college getting our degrees…paying our dues in “entry level” jobs…and SAVING money, sacrificing our OWN needs to our KIDS WANTS!!!

        Now that my son is in his 40s…he is realizing just how HARD I worked (and sacrificed) to provide all that he had as a kid…and now that he is paying for things himself, he no longer DEMANDS “designer labels”…but maybe those aren’t as important now as they were in the 80s and 90s…

        BUT…his ex-wife is a few sandwiches short of a full picnic…she recently told my son that he “should” send her money monthly…after all, “your mother” can help you pay your rent…
        Yea…about that…I am NOT paying his rent so that he can send her money! She (and her little bastard son, bastard meaning born out of wedlock) STILL Live with her MOTHER (who survives on Social Security!) She is 6 feet tall, weighs 325 pounds…and is 25 years old! Let HER GET A SODDING JOB!!! What is with these kids??? (She seems to think that because I have a Chanel handbag and a Louis Vuitton document bag…BOTH of which I saved for over three years! And carried plastic handbags in the interim! That I OWE her something…and she throws those handbags in my face whenever I tell her “No MONEY! I TRIED to tell her that those handbags are a minimum of 20 years old…it’s not like I bought them last week!). She has no sense of money…how it’s earned, it’s worth and how to save!
        Crazy kid…

        NOW I feel better!!


  8. Mama Via says:

    NEWS FLASH!!! Clunky old laptop arrived in Canada at an undisclosed location…it COULD be on a private JET for all I know…which mean that our “nat-an-agoraphobic-not-PTSD-not-a-dog-owner” is probably either a) cleaning and tweaking the laptop cuz mama doesn’t know what the flip about computers…OR b) writing a blog OR c) none of the above because she’s making my grandson some supper…

    I really appreciate that kelly was willing to accept that clunky old laptop…my son didn’t want it…it was too clunky for him…and I never did take it over to the computer recycling center…because I was busy thinking…well…if my iThing ever died, at least I would have that…and even if you toss all your “private files”.. As the trial of 281129 proved…nothing is EVER REALLY deleted…

    That laptop was purchased in late 2009…so it really isn’t ANCIENT…just “middle aged”…and it saw its last work in, it’s barely even used! HA! Better that kelly use it than be shipped to China and end up in their land fills!

    Congrats for getting back to the world of blogging, Kelly!!!

  9. renaes24 says:

    I’m not sure, but this just might answer some questions………………….

    (NEWSER) – Researchers going over surveys of married couples aged 65 or older couldn’t help but notice one potential secret to a happy life in retirement: sex. Scientific American highlights the contrast:

    No sex: Of these married individuals, 40% were very happy with life in general and 60% were very happy with their marriage.
    Sexually active: For those having sex more than once a month, 60% were very happy with life and 80% very happy with their marriage. (The survey didn’t examine responses from non-married seniors.)

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