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Risk: The Game Of World Domination. Real World Edition

Hi kiddies, tis me your wayward queen back from hiding in my bunker because the GOP election thing is happening and I’m ascared.

college humor wrote this, I take no credit because unlike whatever the fuck number wife we are on, I try not to just poach stuff like entire speeches.

So, just for the shits and giggles of it all (spoiler alert I hope you saved your complimentary Pretoria puke buckets) lets recap shall we?

Donald  Trump (real name Drumph according to John Oliver) thinks all people of Latino origin, ESPECIALLY MEXICANS are murdering rapist drug cartel running bastards.  Except for a couple which he assumes are okay.  I’m thinking probably his gardener and pool guy.  All as in every single Muslim is a terrorist and need to be deported back to the stone age as soon as we can round up enough planes.  Born in America, tough shit deal with it.  Women fall into three categories, the blow up dolls like his wife, the mildly cuddly and the way gross fat ones that need to be exiled until we figure out what the fuck is wrong with them.  Oh sorry forgot the forth category, the ones bleeding from….wherever.

He is planning on building a wall around Mexico. Um, excuse me for a moment (OMGLOLROFLMAO) and wait cuz it gets better, Mexico is going to pay for it.  He does have the distinction of actually making a foreign dignitary curse in a second language no less to tell him they are not paying for a fucking wall, so 2 points to Slitherin.

This brings us to NATO. NATO or the North Atlantic Treaty Organization was brought together in 1949 because WWII happened. Members include Canada, Britain, a bunch of European countries I’m to lazy to go look up, Russia briefly in 91 but they quit because world domination, Poland, the Czech republic and the US, at least until the orangutan that speaks becomes president. He doesn’t like Nato, he doesn’t think countries are equal in costs to upkeep Nato, he is an idiot. Putin is probably throwing a huge party and planning his overthrow of the US right now because if you don’t think all the NATO countries are going to tell Trump to eat a dick, you are not paying attention.

In case you were wondering, Canada is starting a go fund me to build our own fucking wall and we will pay for it ourselves because we all had a meeting and decided that the states has just gone batshit crazy. It’s not your fault. I blame the 1%, the people who think you need an automatic weapon for anything other than when the purge starts and I’m sure it’s not too far off. Why the fuck does anyone need an assault rifle? Home protection? Blow me, if you can’t shoot someone with a 12 gauge or a 45 you shouldn’t even be holding a gun. Going hunting deer with it? That is just sick. Climbing a clocktower? you’re better of with a carbine…not that I would know. People are shooting cops as a sport, so I’m not kidding about the purge.

Don’t worry, we are working hard to get the normal Americans out. We have re-activated the underground railroad. Go to Georgia if you can get there without getting shot, wait until dark and watch for the old timey lantern. Go to it and the conductor will give you further instructions.

I leave you with this because it just reminds me of all of this mess.

RBMD peacing the fuck out!!

EDIT: Renae is correct, Russia is not part of NATO at this time

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21 Responses to Risk: The Game Of World Domination. Real World Edition

  1. State Eunice says:

    Scared? You are a friggin Canadian. Trump is no threat to the world except people/countries that want to alter OUR way of life. And as much as you don’t deserve the benefits of his governance you will still be a very greatful beneficiary.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Eunice, I have absolutely ZERO desire to change your way of life. You do you. As for not deserving the benefits of the states governance, Um, you know we are two separate countries right? We have this thing called a Prime Minister it is kind of like a President minus most of the hubris

  2. lacey leonard says:

    Amen sistah, I’m seriously thinking of moving back to Canada after 25 years.

  3. renaes24 says:

    Errrr, while a lot of the old ‘soviet-bloc’ countries are now in NATO….I’m pretty damn sure Russia is not! I think he is just making the point that when NATO was begun, countries pledged 2% of GDP to fund it. A lot of the countries have not been paying into it so….why should the US shoulder what other countries don’t pay. (BTW, Canada has not been fully funding either, though they are only slightly short).
    Meanwhile, I take his stuff like I take the annual State of the Union address……it’s just a wish-list. Good luck trying to get half of that damn stuff thru.
    As far as an underground railroad to get people to Canada? Well, unless they are Syrian refugees……the country seems to be fighting to keep everyone else from getting any status.(Evidently, Canada has already put up it’s southern wall) So good luck with that!

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Renae, you are correct, I edited, NATO only had Russia as a member for a short period of time in the 90’s. Our underground railroad is strictly for escapees from the election.

  4. Twister says:

    Maybe renegotiating the NATO treaty would be a good thing. But he couldn’t as president on his own decide to break the treaty. And if Russia rolls into Slovenia, he my have some explaining to do to Melania.
    I can’t decide which candidate I dislike the least.
    Glad to hear your take on this mess. Keep ’em comin’.

    • renaes24 says:

      Twister, I’m with you! I dislike them both. I really want a ‘do-over’ on both sides to get us some better candidates. Currently, it is like looking for death by poison or by drowning. Either way…it’s death.,

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Ding Ding Ding. Points for Griphendore. You are correct twister, he can’t just decide fuck NATO but why is it that none of the people chanting Trump know that?

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Twister, I have missed you. and Hilarious gets hers tomorrow. I like to be even and of course I know tensions run deep about politics but I want everyone to remember that I do satire. Or as I call it my own unique anything can be funny take on things.

  5. Twister says:

    Who wrote his teleprompter in ALL CAPS?

  6. TrulyUSA says:

    I can’t vote for Hillary, I simply refuse — too many lies and I don’t like her friends and supporters very much. All of this elite Hollywood backing is enough on it’s own because I can’t stand Hollywood anymore, self-serving bast**ds who fly around in jets screaming about global warming, watering their lawns in the middle of a drought, taking butt selfies, I could go on and on. I don’t like the direction of this country, time for a change. They had 8 years and I don’t see that many accomplishments — I see racial divide, lack of respect for the law, horrible health care, increase in crime and decrease in income and respect for our nation. More of the same — can’t do it. Love ya and respect your opinion though — that’s what makes me an American.

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Truly my love, I am totally not saying vote for Hillary, I’m saying vote your conscience. It is a clusterfuck either way kind of like do I pick up the porcupine barehanded or the skunk by its ass.

      • TrulyUSA says:

        Hahaha! Love that description — very fitting! I guess I’ll have to take the skunk and hope the smell wears off over time! Good to see you back my Queen!!!

  7. Mama Via says:

    Weeellllllll……it is certainly a sticky wicket, alrighty….

    Whether it is him (shudder) or her (puke bucket!!) I feel like the next four years are going to be VERRRRRRRYYYYYYY LOOOONNNNGGGGG four years….

    As I have tried to explain to my DH….the PRESIDENT CANNOT DO ANYTHING ALL BY HIMSELF….UNLESS he declares MARTIAL LAW….he needs the assistance of the House and Senate…and,..with all the hate abounding…no one will ever agree…(so, bring on the ANTI-CHRIST….WE ARE READY!!!)

    Here is what REALLY bothers me….
    At NO TIME in our history, has there been as much hatred…American to American…at no time has there been wholesale assassination of police officers by so many nut cases…not even in the sick sixties did we bring out ugliness and start hammering on other folks about a flipping political candidate….

    This frightens me….

    We have ALWAYS (until recently) been the Sparkling City by the Sea….welcoming others….

    “Give me your tired, your poor,

    Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

    The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

    Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

    I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

    Never before did we worry that immigrants were coming here to kill us….they came for freedom….a better way of life….an opportunity…

    Somehow….we have forgotten who we are….we have ALWAYS loved our Canadian and British Cousins….we have always welcomed people from “South of the Border”….they do the jobs we don’t want to demean ourselves doing….like hotel maids, restaurant workers, and construction…in the hot sun when it us a “feels like temperature of 120 degrees)….they’ve picked grapes, peaches, strawberries, asparagus, garlic, tomatoes, pecans, almonds, walnuts, mangos, oranges, grapefruit, cotton…..you name it, they (and the Okies) have picked it and got it to market before it rotted….

    Just WHO (or is it WHOM?) does Trump expect to fill all those jobs???? I guarantee it won’t be any of those $15 an hour minimum wage people….and if it IS….do you have any idea how much we will be paying PER GRAPE when we go to the market????

    My issue with tRump is that he has no class….no finesse….and he is crass….(he is on TV right now, explaining why he said Ted Cruz’ father was involved in the assassination of JFK! Get real! He is a looney tune!!)

    My issue with HillBill is that she is a professional politician…and she yells!!!

    I really DO NOT CARE which one becomes president…the world will keep on spinning…

    As much as I would love going to Canada….it could only be for a visit….

    My GGGGGrandfather was a Revolutionary War Soldier….
    My GGGrandfather fought in the Civil War, was captured at the Battle of Mark’s Mill, held as a POW until the end of the war.
    My Father’s oldest brother was a Pearl Harbor Survivor
    My Dad served during Korea and Vietnam
    I served during the Vietnam Era
    My son served during the Gulf War

    I am an American. I love my country…I do wish that we could do better than we have been doing the past 20 years…but I have not given up hope in my Fellow Americans or my Fellow Veterans…

    I have not given up hope for America…..

    Vote your conscience…but VOTE….

    AND REMEMBER….IF WE ALL VOTE “wrong”….remember, we can always “impeach” him/her….it isn’t a job for life…

    But most importantly…remember that America is truly defined not by the president…or our Senator…America is defined by you and I…

    Please remember to love one another….and to not take this political stuff to seriously,,,,it TRULY IS HILARIOUS…if you look at it for what it is…all it is….is a way to get your vote….neither one of them will cause the end of the world….we have 100 senators and 435 Congressmen…and NONE of what EITHER of the candidates say will be remembered in six months….

    My DH has allowed all of this to raise his blood pressure dangerously high…his health is in danger…he isn’t sleeping…and h is having anxiety attacks…

    NONE OF THIS IS THAT IMPORTANT….

    I love you all….

    (And I loved your hilarious look at the politics, Kelly!!! Welcome back…and do some more!!))

    Love, Mama

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Mama, that was one of the most eloquent replies you have ever given and I thank you for it. Were I not the one who needs to make everything funny (because it is, I’m sorry everyone but this is freaking comedy gold) I would have said something like that. Not your words but the same gist. I want back our friend the US that espouses all those things, not whatever the hell it has turned into in the last years. I miss that US. Even if I could bring myself to do it, get in my car and drive to the states, I wouldn’t do it right now, seeing the destruction on tv is bad enough. and thank you for getting that this blog is satire and hillbill will get her own roast tomorrow. love you a ton

  8. Twister says:

    Oh help! Another attack in Munich mall.

  9. So THAT’S what those lights are moving across the cow pasture at night! Make room Ethel, I’m comin!

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