Hi kiddies, tis me your wayward queen back from hiding in my bunker because the GOP election thing is happening and I’m ascared.
college humor wrote this, I take no credit because unlike whatever the fuck number wife we are on, I try not to just poach stuff like entire speeches.
So, just for the shits and giggles of it all (spoiler alert I hope you saved your complimentary Pretoria puke buckets) lets recap shall we?
Donald Trump (real name Drumph according to John Oliver) thinks all people of Latino origin, ESPECIALLY MEXICANS are murdering rapist drug cartel running bastards. Except for a couple which he assumes are okay. I’m thinking probably his gardener and pool guy. All as in every single Muslim is a terrorist and need to be deported back to the stone age as soon as we can round up enough planes. Born in America, tough shit deal with it. Women fall into three categories, the blow up dolls like his wife, the mildly cuddly and the way gross fat ones that need to be exiled until we figure out what the fuck is wrong with them. Oh sorry forgot the forth category, the ones bleeding from….wherever.
He is planning on building a wall around Mexico. Um, excuse me for a moment (OMGLOLROFLMAO) and wait cuz it gets better, Mexico is going to pay for it. He does have the distinction of actually making a foreign dignitary curse in a second language no less to tell him they are not paying for a fucking wall, so 2 points to Slitherin.
This brings us to NATO. NATO or the North Atlantic Treaty Organization was brought together in 1949 because WWII happened. Members include Canada, Britain, a bunch of European countries I’m to lazy to go look up, Russia briefly in 91 but they quit because world domination, Poland, the Czech republic and the US, at least until the orangutan that speaks becomes president. He doesn’t like Nato, he doesn’t think countries are equal in costs to upkeep Nato, he is an idiot. Putin is probably throwing a huge party and planning his overthrow of the US right now because if you don’t think all the NATO countries are going to tell Trump to eat a dick, you are not paying attention.
In case you were wondering, Canada is starting a go fund me to build our own fucking wall and we will pay for it ourselves because we all had a meeting and decided that the states has just gone batshit crazy. It’s not your fault. I blame the 1%, the people who think you need an automatic weapon for anything other than when the purge starts and I’m sure it’s not too far off. Why the fuck does anyone need an assault rifle? Home protection? Blow me, if you can’t shoot someone with a 12 gauge or a 45 you shouldn’t even be holding a gun. Going hunting deer with it? That is just sick. Climbing a clocktower? you’re better of with a carbine…not that I would know. People are shooting cops as a sport, so I’m not kidding about the purge.
Don’t worry, we are working hard to get the normal Americans out. We have re-activated the underground railroad. Go to Georgia if you can get there without getting shot, wait until dark and watch for the old timey lantern. Go to it and the conductor will give you further instructions.
I leave you with this because it just reminds me of all of this mess.
RBMD peacing the fuck out!!
EDIT: Renae is correct, Russia is not part of NATO at this time