Things That Only Happen In Canada


Hello everyone. Your wayward Queen is back with stuff to say. Before we get into the amusing part of the program, I would like to dedicate this post to the Tragically Hip and specifically their lead singer Gord Downie. Gord has been the frontman for the hip since before they ever had a record deal. His voice is what I think angels sound like and he is a true inspiration to everyone battling anything. Gord has inoperable brain cancer. He is dying. Instead of just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, Gord decided that he was going out the way he wanted and what he wanted was one more tour to thank the fans.
I first saw the Hip when I was 19. I had taken one of my I have no idea where I am going to end up weekend road trips and I wound up right around Kingston and camped for the night. I decided to check out a bar about a half hour up the road and they had a live band. The band was phenominal. They did mostly covers and a couple of originals and played to about 10 people counting me. Even with nobody in the audience they gave it everything they had, played a full set and I was hooked by the second song. I saw them twice more after they had become big and own every album they have ever put out. They are not the best band in the world, but they are definitely the most Canadian band in the world. They never cared about world fame even if the attain a modicum of it, they just wanted to make good music about things relevant to Candians. And they did that in spades.

Gonna get right into the meat and taters of todays post before another fit of laughter keels me over.

I know you all in the States think you have the market cornered on weapon violence, but I will have you know you are absolutely right, but that doesn’t make this any less funny.

Today in Toronto a crazed Bowman(Have to check and see if that is a thing, not really sure)killed three and injured one in a crazy crossbow attack.

Now, of course dead people are never funny. Wait…anyway the thing that is funny is that anybody can legally obtain a crossbow. kind of like you all and guns in the States. Call it the Canadian second amendment or, the right to carry bows. All kinds of bows. Cross bows, long bows, recurve bows, camouflage bows. The difference between say a 45 and a bow is, bows are a fucking pain in the ass to re-load. If you are small it can take upwards of five minutes to reload. Also, you need to be a much better shot to use a bow. If you don’t believe me ask Daryl Dixon he’ll tell you. After about the fourth shot your arms are too tired to reload anymore and this is my theory as to why the rampage (which was actually three people bowed down (see what I did there)at close range in their driveway and some random person.) The survivor probably survived because the crossbow wielding maniacs arms were tired and he wobbled.

There have been crossbow hunting accidents and a dog up here shot his owner once but that was with a rifle, but I can’t remember any crossbow attacks. We had that dude that cut somebodies head off on a bus but that was with a hunting knife and he was batshit nuts so it wasn’t really his fault but no, cross bow attacks not so much.

Think I will google crossbow attacks in Canada and get back to you.

So, at the risk of people not having a sense of humor, lets talk about your election because nothing is more fun than talks about politics or religion. I feel for you all and because of that I have to feel bad for Canada. If Justin ever loses his hair it will be over the American election. Your Candidates both suck. Trump is just a whack a doo and I think Clinton is just slimy.

I love Trumps thoughts though, | may have to turn the in house psychic loose on him, although she has threatened suicide if I do. How is this man ballsy enough to talk about how he knows more about ISIS then anyone else and how he is going to run the country like a business. Is he so full of his own bullshit that he thinks nobody knows how many times his business skills have put his businesses into chapter 11. Can a country file for bankruptcy? Someone better look that up. He is getting rid of all the illegal immigrants to bring them back but legally? How fucking much is that going to cost and more importantly why the fuck would you do that? Then he flipped and decided they could stay if they paid back taxes. I find that confusing. I don’t really understand how illegal immigrants work unless it is under the table, off the books like, so how can you charge them back taxes on money they technically never made? And if they are on the books they aren’t illegal right? They must have a work visa or something. I am also looking forward to Trump getting privileged 1st worlders to do the jobs that the illegal immigrants do. Is he going to make it mandatory to do farm work or clean houses or garden or whatever it is that Americans don’t want to do that makes people in poor countries flock there to get jobs?

Hell, you can’t get farm workers here. We have to import them. We actually request them. That way they are vetted, they are on the books, they are treated like humans instead of farm animals, the have access to medical while they are here, they pay taxes on the money they make and it is still a shit ton more money then they make at home. Some farms have had the same gangs of Mexicans or Jamaicans for over 10 years. Because Canadians don’t want the jobs. How it works in the states I don’t know, but here the jobs have to be posted at services Canada and offered to Canadians first. The farmers I have known have told me they maybe get two or three applicants for forty or more jobs and when they are hired they usually only last a couple of days. Farm work is hard and long and hot. You work in the sun, in the rain, etc. So don’t be so quick to think getting rid of your immigrants is going to accomplish anything, it may actually cause more problems than it fixes.

As for Clinton, I don’t think she is a much better choice, just for different reasons. I find her disingenuous. And Bill Clinton is going to be the ugliest first lady ever. Looking forward to seeing his inaugural dress though.

I say you write in Rick Grimms/Daryl Dixon and see if they win. Or vote for your cat. Or Mama. Mama would make a kick ass president.

That is it


16 Responses to Things That Only Happen In Canada

  1. Mama Via says:

    Haha….Mama for President! No can do.,.too many skeletons in the closet….and I’ve been married more times than Donny Drumph…and make not a tenth as much money….and after watching Donny Drumph and HillyBilly…I’ve decided that I’m “too logical” to be a Republican..and too silly to be a democrat!!

    More tomorrow!

  2. Twister says:

    So, you’re still the best option.

  3. reallybigmeandog says:

    Mama, as long as you can say you have never had sex in the oval office (um, I’m just kinda assuming here) and have nothing to do with fucking BENGAZI or however you spell it and don’t want to wall in your fucking country you are still a waaaaaaaaay better option, I don’t care if you blew a dead donkey on a road side while people paid to watch.

    • Mama Via says:

      Oh, dammit!! You found out about the dead donkey!!! I KNEW I should have “wiped” that hard drive clean before I gave it to you…you didn’t find the pics of me when I was the Lushious Linda Layme starring at the “Badda Bing Bingo Parlor” did you? I was a real hit with the geriatric set…

      Nope, never “toyed” with a cigar in the Oval Office…never dated Ben Ghazi…let alone fuck him…and, I’m all for immigrants…after all, the millions people on food stamps and welfare don’t EVEN want to pick grapes or strawberries in the heat and humidity, or wash dishes in ANY restaurant, change the sheets at a local NoTell Motel or swab hot tar on roofs when the sun is shining in the Sunshine State…(I’d be willing to bet that a LOT of my new home was built by illegal workers! Only THEY don’t seem to mind working outside in air so thick with humidity you gotta chew it before you breathe it….

      The unemployed couple that stayed at my son’s house last year didn’t seem to understand that in the REAL WORLD, if you are (truly) illiterate and didn’t graduate high school, you probably shouldn’t sleep till the crack of noon and then take another 3 to 4 hours to put on your cleanest dirty shirt…nope, not even Mickey D’s will hire you to ask “Ya want fries with that Sir?” If your shirt looks like you picked it up off the bathroom floor and smells like your dog pissed on it…(I think those boys worked harder at NOT getting a job than they did to actually LOOK for a job…) On the OTHER HAND….the folks I see here on the construction APPEAR to be either “guest workers” or workers without proper I-9s….they arrive EARLY EVERY MORNING for work, they are dressed in clean clothing…some of them have the appearance of having their clothes actually IRONED….and they WORK not TALK…

      The ones I talked to…want to stay and work…they want to become citizens…and they are grateful for even the smallest kindness…..they want to learn English,….they want a chance at “opportunity to have a better life”…and are willing to work hard to make better lives for their families….

      We don’t need “The Wall”….we need people who are willing to do more than just wait for their welfare check to arrive.

  4. lacey leonard says:

    Hey Kelly, great to hear from you! hope all is well. It’s really crazy here in N.C. with the backlash to the bathroom bill & the election which is really scary. Ant news on what that asshole Gromeshi is up to?

  5. Constance says:

    I am voting for Trump because i loathe pathologically lying Clinton (either and both of them); and Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln are dead which means they can’t run for office.

    • renaes24 says:

      Doing a write in here. I’m writing in Joe Biden since I cannot in good conscience vote for Trump or Hillary.

  6. Gwen Bazzrea says:

    Hey All- it’s been a while! Still struggling with pain, anxiety and depression. Last week, handsome husband had foot surgery outpatient, then had a heart attack 4 days later on 9/11, my fukking birthday. We’re only 44… He had two stints placed in the Cath lab and came home after three days.
    I’m trying not to think really deep thoughts now and am gonna take things moment to moment. Please pray for us to whomever you choose. Love to the pound,
    Gwen, a.k.a.Bazzethound

    • Mama Via says:

      My prayers are with you both, honey…with your entire family. I want you not to worry about anything! Papa had his “little health issue” four years ago…no…almost FIVE years ago!! Where does TIME GO?? Anyway…you’d never know by looking at him that he was EVER “under the weather”!! We
      I’ve in Dick Tracy Days…where our cell phones aren’t on our wrists (cuz who wants everyone to know your boss is yelling at you?) but in our handbag (and Dick Tracy didn’t gave a “man bag” either!!)…this is the 21st century…we don’t up and die of having a splinter in our thumb anymore like my GGGrandfather did…what a DUMB way to die!!! A splinter that got infected!) With the right treatment, following doctors recommendations for diet, medications and a bit of exercise…Handsome Husband will live to be 120 years old. (Consider this a “warning shot”!! Slow down, don’t worry, eat right and exercise! Easy peasey!)

      Make sure you keep us posted!!

      Sending love and prayers…..

  7. TrulyUSA says:

    Well that’s a fine Howdy Do! Bout time you ladies all showed up – I’ve been missing (this one’s for you Mama) Y’ALL a bunch! I’ve been busy too, trying to avoid the news, the political ads and all politically-related print items, is a full-time job — but it doesn’t pay very well. Not yet anyway, I guess I could get on that Clinton bus and start recording names off headstones of Democratic voters or on the flip side I could put on my trucker hat and insult the hell out of everyone while holding a Trump sign with my pistol hung on my hip. Hmmmm…. what’s a lady to do…..oh hell I’m no lady so I think I’ll just get drunk and screw. Are you with me?

    Love you all TRULY I do!

    • TrulyUSA says:

      P.S. — I am now a fan of The Tragically Hip – never heard them before but I love them and with the Queen’s permission I will now consider them the Royal Music of the Dog Pound and Her Highness the Fucking Queen of Everyone and Everybody — (executes low bow and a PERFECT **curtsy**)

    • Mama Via says:

      I remember that song….but, cuz of my meds, I don’t drink anymore…and ever since my hoo-hoo went bald and dried up, I don’t do the other thing either…

      If the docs can extend your life to 100…and invent viagra, why can’t they delay mental-pause until you are 80??? I’ve got more hair on my chin and mustache than I have on my hoo-hoo…what the hell is that about??? And ELEVEN FLIPPIN years of hot flashes SHOULD be ILLEGAL… I USED TO THINK God was a WOMAN..but post-mental-pausal has convinced me he’s a MAN…a WOMAN wouldn’t DO THIS to another woman!!!

      • TrulyUSA says:

        Mama you need to do what I did – I found a fabulous female doctor who did a full blood test for all hormone levels, vitamin levels, etc. and then prescribed me what I needed. I use a little gel called DiviGel which is a plant-based estrogen hormone and good vitamins for the ones I was low in — it’s working! The DiviGel has brought rain to the desert, if you know what I mean, and sex is fun again! My doctor said use it or lose it, so by golly I’m using it and I feel pretty darn good. It is possible to rejuvenate that area without resorting to the harmful treatments that cause cancer. Plus, my skin looks better, I’ve lost weight and I feel great. Find a good female doctor who uses holistic treatments and looks to plant-based answers, it takes 90 days for it to take effect but it is worth it in the long run. Ladies we can still be sexy and enjoy it!

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