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Welcome To The United STATE Of New Korea. Supreme Leader Trump Edition.

Hai my lovelies.  Tis me, your intrepid Dean of Fuckery, Law Professor, Doctor of Doctoring, honorary Judge, Puppy resuscitation expert, Dog Lactation consultant, Horse Whisperer, Owner of the In House Psychic, Alternative news (see real news) supporter, Big Fan of Human Rights and the US constitution, and Queen of all I survey.

The video of the day is brought to you with Russian subtitles so you can get used to Cyrillic writing and shit.

I am so excited for New Korea.  Your supreme leader just declared the day of his inauguration 1/20/2017 “National Day of Patriotic Devotion” (seriously). cancelled everyone’s healthcare, killed the TPP, decided that starting a war with the indigenous native population over a pipeline is a really good idea,  lied about the turnout for his dictatorshiptorial debut, started a war with the media, decided the secretary of education doesn’t actually require one, gave big businesses  huge, or should I say YUUUUGE tax breaks and drained the swamp of whatever was in it and filled it back up with Nile crocodiles with necrotizing fasciitis shooting lasers on their heads. Welcome to 1817 everybody.  YAY!!

Someone tell me again how a government led by a guy that has gone bankrupt 11 times and filled with billionaire members is a good idea?

So here is my theory on what is next on the Trump agenda.  Deciding that allowing peons to call the white house to complain or ask questions should no longer be allowed because negativity and stuff…Oh,wait he did that already.  Black people will once again be required to ride at the back of the bus and they will like it dammit.   All Latino’s will be immediately deported.  DNA testing will become mandatory at birth so that the Government can make sure you are positively, completely white. Indigenous people must immediately assimilate or be summarily shot.  All Muslims will immediately be interred in camps with really nice showers.  All women will immediately throw away their shoes and become pregnant, or if too old to become pregnant they will be offered the choice of assisted suicide because their usefulness is over.  If you are a millionaire you will get a pardon, as long as you know your place.  Spousal rape will be legalized because you can’t rape someone you are married to.  Pussy grabbing will be added as an Olympic Sport.  Homosexuals will have a chance to pray the gay away and if it doesn’t work they will be interred with the Muslims or offered assisted suicide because the only reason to be alive is to procreate and if you can’t do that you are obsolete.

Your great leader will import every Rottweiler, pitbull, mastiff, and leopard dog from the entire world to help herd the Mexican race back to Mexico.  Religion will become mandatory, but the new bible will be the art of the deal and you will worship at the alter of Trump.  Since Trump is now a god and church all of his earnings will be non-taxable.  All detractors will be arrested and put into chain gangs building that fucking wall.   All homes will become property of Trump holdings.

Scientists will be reassigned to jobs that are actually important.  If they refuse they will be offered immediate assisted suicide…with a rifle.

The phrase climate change will no longer be allowed to be uttered.  Fines will be a minimum of ten thousand dollars for each separate instance.  Differently weathered will be an acceptable alternative.

Anyone who cannot afford medical care is now allowed to be seen by a veterinarian if they can afford that.  Veterinarians are now will be allowed to perform human procedures if they want too.  If they don’t the Supreme leader suggests you hurry up and die.

Barack Hussein Obama shall be removed from all texts, literature, historical references, et al.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

Enjoy your new dictatorship kids.  Hope it was worth it.  The land of the used to be free and the home of the slaves.

RBMD shaking her fucking head and peacing the fuck out.

 

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41 Responses to Welcome To The United STATE Of New Korea. Supreme Leader Trump Edition.

  1. HA! roflol! BRAVO! Well said!

  2. renaes24 says:

    So funny…….so why am I crying?

  3. Bevy49 says:

    Very funny stuff! Gotta laugh or we’re gonna cry – for 4 straight years

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Hai Bevy. It’s true, laugh or cry and I choose to laugh. Man the hate mail i’m getting is enough to almost make another blog. I might just reply to them all on here, that might be funny.

      • renaes24 says:

        Oh please reply to your critics here. I want to see their critical thinking. (Most Trumpers have almost zero). Perhaps another edition with just some of their messages to you and your replies.

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        I think I’m gonna because I got some doozies. I’m going to give it another couple of days to see if I get anymore and then I will.

      • Mama Via says:

        Oh, please do, please do!!! Recently, my favorite and most entertaining contributor has been the (in)famous Half-Term Ex-Governor of the Largest (and coldest(but getting warmer)) State of the Union…who gets all her briefings by reading the “news crawler” on Fox News…oh, and who reads “anything and everything” they “put in front of [her]”…but still can’t name one newspaper (or magazine, other than Popular DeerSkinner”)…AND, even better, “can see Russia from [her] house” as she practices her “Pagent Walking”….yes, the one whose brain is as YUGE as the State she lives in (no, not the State of Confusion) and, remarkably, just as empty and deserted…yes, every “good” republican’s heroine…the one who refused a $6,500 pay raise so that she would look “fiscally responsible”, yet accepted a 442 MILLION dollar federal earmark for “the bridge to nowhere”….

        I guess that the former Half-Term Ex-Gov has nothing better to do than send Tweets with links to her “dot-com” page where you will find such amazing, twisted half-truths and “alt-truth” articles discussing “Michele’s Plans to Divorce Obama”, “Hillary’s Post-Election Melt Down”, and “Did you see what Pelosi wore to inauguration?” Gee..I don’t know exactly WHY some outlet hasn’t snapped up this great “journalist” and given her a JOB? Like maybe The Examiner? (Oh, wait, my bad….is that the Great, well known newspaper? Or the rag next to the checkout? Or is that the one with such great journalistic integrity that it just “disappeared” one night? (SIGH) my brain isn’t working so well…now that I’m in my mid sixties….

      • Mama Via says:

        To quote Jimmy Kimmel…
        “I know it’s going to seem like I’m only picking comments from people whose grammar is bad,” he began, “but the truth of it is, the vast majority of the negative comments came from people whose is grammar is bad.”

  4. Mama Via says:

    Brief additions which have come up in the past few hours…
    George Washington couldn’t tell a lie…
    Richard Nixon couldn’t tell the truth…
    And Deneld tRump can’t tell the difference…

    From this point forward, let it be known that Derneld doesn’t lie…he tells “alternative truths”…and if pushed by the (damned) media, the word “falsehood” may be used in extenuating circumstances. “Falsehood” does not imply KNOWINGLY saying something “possibly untrue”…whereas the word LIE implies meaningful deceit. By “executive order” it has been “suggested” that the press, media and especially bloggers shall not use the word LIE in the same sentence with the name of our Dear Leader.

    Also, by Executive Order, any mention of the election MUST include the Alternatve Truth that Our Dear Leader won the election by a “landslide” of 5 million popular votes, once the votes of “illegal (Mexican) immigrants were correctly deducted, so any mention of the election will include the phrase “Our Dear Leader received more actual votes than Hillary Clinton” and the Press/media/bloggers may NOT report that Our Dear Leader (ODL) won the election “with only Electoral Votes”.

    Finally: It’s “America First” from now on! When we win, we take EVERYTHING! This will include oil rights until the end of time and mineral rights until the end of time. To be owned from now until forever by tRump Oil, tRump Gas, tRump Gold, tRump Minerals, etc. By Executive Order, The “Middle East” will be henceforth known as tRumpLand….Iraq will now be known as the State of Eric, Iran will be the state of JuniorTown Syria will be ivankaVille…well, you get the idea….and Washington DC is now to be known as Moscow West. To keep questions at a minimum, the answer is “No, the policy of “we take everything” is NOT a “war crime”…I refer you back to your first lesson in elementary school…”Winner takes all!” and, if they don’t like it, Our Dear Leader will “Nuke ’em till they glow, if I can’t have it, no one can!”

    ODL has signed an executive order changing the tax code to an easy system…anyone making over a million dollars is exempt from taxes, and anything less than a million has a new simple income tax rate of 75%.

    Lastly, in the interest of “supporting the cause” ODL is instituting, the first amendment has been repealed, and only tRump approved media outlets will be allowed to report the news. Breitbart, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Alt-Right News, Christians Today and Pravda (soon to be tRumpPravda) are approved news media.

    This just in…by Executive Order, the Constitution has had a minor, (really, very minor) change….Our Dear Leader has been named Leader for Life and will name Deneld J. tRump, Jr as his successor, also a life-time appointment. Cabinet positions and Ambassadorships can be purchased to the highest bidder; contact Comrade Kellyann Conrovesky for more information.

    P.s….there will be no more unauthorized “women’s marches” or wearing “pussy hats” under penalty of forced voluntary suicide…and no more of the “hold Our Dear Leader responsible” talk, either!! Or trying to undercut ODLs credibility!!!

  5. Twister says:

    Oh thank god y’all are here to keep me laughing. I feel like I’ve walked into a fun house of distorted mirrors, or taken a boat ride on rough seas, I’m sick. We’ve survived bad leaders in the past and we’ll survive this one too. I guess.
    You’ll have 4 yrs of satire handed to you Kelly. Go for it!

  6. mags says:

    I still believe in our democracy and regardless of the orange rat and his goons we shall over come … We the people are still a power

  7. renaes24 says:

    Welcome to 2017 – here is the summary
    of our civilization at the end of 2016.
    • Our Phones – Wireless
    • Cooking – Fireless
    • Cars – Keyless
    • Food – Fatless
    • Tires –Tubeless
    • Youth – Jobless
    • Leaders – Shameless
    • Relationships – Meaningless
    • Babies – Fatherless
    • Feelings – Heartless
    • Children – Mannerless

    We are SPEECHLESS,
    Government is CLUELESS,
    And our Politicians are WORTHLESS!
    And – I’m scared –Shitless

    • Mama Via says:

      Thanks for answering my question…I wasn’t sure if I was scared shitless…or if I just couldn’t give a shit…but, either way…the shit factory has come to a screaming halt…

      If you haven’t done so already…go to GQ (dot) com, click on videos and watch Keith Olbermann’S “The Resistance”…when I get frustrated/angry, I lose all my $2 words and resort to every other word being “cocksucking mutherfuckker”…Keith’S anger is eloquent and insightful and pretty mutherfuckking on pointe!

      • renaes24 says:

        I’ve been following Keith almost daily. (Missed the last 2 or so). I’m not sure if I like him better screaming….or when he is quiet and begging.
        Nice to notice that today….the Orange-sickle has pissed off the Indians (ok, to be PC…the “indigenous people”) with his saying the Dakota pipeline will again be good to go. Can’t he have ONE group that he doesn’t piss off?

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        NOPE!

      • Mama Via says:

        Nope…he’s just that way…I’m thinking that Cheeto and kelly Anne Conjob are meant for each other…she is either not bright enough to realize she’s telling alt.faqs OR she has sold her soul to the devil just to get some fame! I almost feel sorry for the model that married thecheeto withthe dinky fists…I bet he has little feet too! NO AMOUNT OF MONEY could get ME into bed with the Cheeto! But god knows, ive seen a lot of “gold-diggers” in Southern California…their one and only talent must be in bed, cuz god knows, they have no other redeeming character traits!

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        I actually feel sorry for the rich twat. She is basically just a prop with boobs to make his tiny hands look yuuuuge.

      • reallybigmeandog says:

        Oh you know they are bumping uglies. She probably loves being grabbed by the pussy.

      • Mama Via says:

        Frightening thought…tRump bumping uglies with ANYONE…

        I also have a theory…every autistic child I’ve heard of has eith an old, old man for a dad…or an old worn out woman…those eggs and little power rangers might not be as “fresh” in old folks, huh? And, after watching ALT.POTUS for a while…he walks like his balls are hanging so low that they are whacking up against his knees…ewww GROSS…I don’t know about you…but IM NOT THAT MUCH OF A GOLD-digger to EVER bump uglies with THAT GUY!

        Ewww…can you imagine? His hair looks bad enough after he’s screwed around “styling” it for a few hours…can you imagine waking up in the morning, and that rats nest laying on the pillow? That certainly would explain why melania has such “squinty” eyes…either seeing the rats nest on the pillow, or maybe looking for where his penis is hiding in his “below the belt” “hairstyle”…I bet it’s a “comb-over down there, too…

        Now, it is no secret that Mack when girls were called “Flappers” (or maybe it was Dancing Queen or Disco Divas”…I can’t remember…but…mama at one time, had “been around the block”…

        Mama’s experience says find a fellow with nice, firm hands…with REALLY FAT FIRM FINGERS…(NO SHORTIES! And no SKINNIES!). Then…his feet must match the fingers…size 11 shoes are too long…size 8 shoes are too short (unless they are FFFF WIDE! Yum yum! (But, that’s a different story!!) and be sure thathis thumb is nicely shaped with good length and width proportions!!

        If his Hans are smaller than yours…tell him how nice it was to meet him, and that he reminds you so much of your brother…that you will always care because you’ll be the BEST of FRIENDS!!

        If you notice, ALT.POTUS HAS A SEVERE Kink-Like bend in his thumb…which tells me that he is lucky to have money…cause NO ONE’s Gspot is in THAT direction!

      • renaes24 says:

        As a former trauma nurse, I will beg to differ with the great document that says : “All men are created equal……..” FALSE.
        A man’s foot size: tells you nothing…..but
        His hand size IS a fairly reasonable indicator. (Spread of hand from tip of thumb to tip of pinky….will usually come close)
        Melania’s eyes are squinty because a) she is a spy b) would you really want to have to look at him with your eyes totally open?

  8. Mama Via says:

    Oh, one other thought…we Americans…whether recently naturalized American…or umpteenth generation American…Afro-american, Mexican-american, Asian-American or Heinz57-American (like me)…we are all AMERICANS…we will not only survive, we will THRIVE…

    We’ve endured the JFK assassination, the assassinations of MLK Jr, and RFK…we survived Nixon being president, and his Epic Fail, we survived Dan Quail not knowing how to spell potato, Ford tripping over his own feet, Baby Bush making up words, Monica doing naughty things with a cigar in the Oval and we even survived a HALF-BLACK GUY (who used to smoke and INHALE pakalolo) moving not just his family, but even his mother-in-law too! Into the big White House, AND his playing “hoops” in the back yard while playing “FUNKY TOWN” on his BOOMBOX….

    IF WE SURVIVED ALL THAT….surely, we can survive the Great Cheeto (with his itty-bitty fists) and his Eastern Bloc model-cum-spy, Natasha…without even breaking a sweat….

    We survived a war that claimed more American lives than any other war, we survived a war that was fought on our own soil…and although it took time…we did FINALLY come together and stood strong in “the war to end all wars”…we survived 9/11…

    I do NOT have faith in the Great Orange One…but I do have faith in U.S….We ARE Americans…we have familial ties to every nation on earth…we have our families in Russia, Persia, England, and of course, our families in blood and heart in Canada and Mexico…where “border” is just a word…we are a land of peace…and, in spite of what we face now…I know that we will be strong…strong for ourselves, our families, our friends and our neighbors…we will never stop helping those who are less fortunate, because that is just part of our morals and principles…

    Don’t fear…we will be okay…all of us…

    Don’t allow Cheeto man to turn us into something else…

  9. Mama Via says:

    Thought for the day…what if “voter fraud” proves that the popular vote changes the electoral college…and HILLARY WINS!!!! I say, let’s have a re-do on the election!!!

  10. Gwen Bazzrea says:

    As much as I love your posts, the “filed under” list was my favorite part!

  11. twister says:

    “Cyrillic writing” ?? had to look that up. Where do you come up with this stuff??

  12. TrulyUSA says:

    I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet my fellow dog lovers, but I just HAVE to take a break from all of this! It’s covering up my Facebook, it’s on my television, it’s on all the magazine covers, it’s all over the internet, it’s on talk radio, it’s hogging twitter….**sigh** I have political overload! I was MORTIFIED by the pussy women with their heads poked through their large pink vaginas — I support their right to do so but I think there are better ways? What about the innocent children? They aren’t so innocent since Mom put her vagina over her head. I imagine that image will be burned in their little minds once they figure out that’s not a hero sandwich. I’m just really confused by all of this and I’m wondering who is behind the curtain pulling these strings and does everyone really think this is helping? If that’s the best we as women can come up, well, we don’t need men to screw us we are screwing ourselves.

    • renaes24 says:

      Well Truly, I get ya! My facebook is also a mess with this. I’m sick of all the crap going on and yet Democratic “leaders” (I use that term very loosely) are sitting on their hands.
      Where the hell is our Great Explainer in Chief (not to mention all time schmoozer) Bill Clinton? Where is our Great Constitutional Scholar Obama? Hell, where is our Moralist in Chief (Just call me Jimmy) Carter? ALL SILENT AS HELL!
      I don’t see Democrat Senators voting against some of these ridiculous Cabinet appointments……..
      If this is the new way it is going to be……I have participated in my LAST election. It’s all a joke.
      I’ve called the cable company and had CNN & MSNBC removed from my lineup. I don’t want to hear jack-squat from any politician who stands there and wrings their hands in a “woe is me” pose while DOING NOTHING.
      So Truly, I do get it…….well, most of it…..but I don’t get your objection to the ‘pussy hats’. I thought they were funny and non-objectionable. I really didn’t think they looked like vaginas at all….more like kitty-cat ears (and not very defined ones at that) and made the crowd stand out even more. In that way, I thought it was a terrific idea.
      One more thing: Trump actually made one difference this week to me personally. I’ve been here in Canada seven YEARS. In all that time, I have always (partly) wished I was still in the US. Trump made me HAPPY to be in Canada in one short week!
      Over and out!

      • TrulyUSA says:

        The hats were cute, Renee! I don’t object to the hats — it was the large pink flappy vagina costumes — if you did not see those it’s worth a google and a guilty giggle. Just a little too porn-like for me. I did hear though, that Hillary is planning a protest against the Wall and has instructed all of the vaginas to turn their costumes inside out so they look like tacos and to march again. Just kidding! But I gotta have some fun with this, too!

      • renaes24 says:

        Those tacos I gotta see! (Hopefully, they don’t add sour cream or guac.)
        PS: Kelly, I think Durst is going to find some (probably medical) reason to postpone and postpone OR,if and when he does go to trial he will wind up walking. Might not even make it to the jury. Although it depends on what the judge allows in…..it is doubtful they have very much solid. So much is conjecture and OLD conjecture at that. In reality, the ONLY thing they have are those 2 envelopes. The jinx tape is really garbage…he could be talking or even questioning himself……..
        But…..with all this Trump crap…..even dead burnt babies would be a reprieve.

      • Mama Via says:

        I’m so burnt out with tRump crap that I can’t even get myself to argue the Constitutionality of some of his “Executive Orders”…after yesterday, it was difficult not to imagine seeing/hearing him do his “apprentice” bull-line–“You’re FIRED!” while sitting behind the same desk that so many good/great Presidents have used.

        What little I remember of my nightmare last night was the sick, absolutely terrifying feelings as the car I was in went off a cliff into the air from a one lane mountain road….the fall was (in my dream) MINUTES long….the terrifying feelings in my guts…before the car landed…was what woke me…my heart was beating out of my chest, I couldn’t breathe, I was truly terror-stricken. (I wish I could remember the old wives tales about dreaming about dying…)

        I used to wonder what my sister felt in the last 2-3 seconds of her life….I have the answer…the word “terror” barely describes the horrifying thoughts, the fright, the physical, uncontrollable reactions..all of that and more were in my dream…I’ve never had a dream so powerful, so strange…. (it’s a good thing that I live in Florida, where no HILLS exist, let alone MOUNTAINS! Otherwise, I might think I had another premonition! And I promise only to drive to Publix and back…only 16 miles round trip; all flat land between here and there!)

        Any amateur dream analysts out there?

        My DH, who truly, truly is a wonderful man…my “soul-mate” and “life partner”…the man who sacrifices his own needs and desires for me so very often…(hated HILLARY) is such a staunch Republican that he voted for tRump…my DH has been a LAWYER for over 45 YEARS…someone who KNOWS the CONSTITUTION, tells me “Give tRump a chance!”…the man I USED to be able to discuss politics with and “agree to disagree”…can no longer listen to any other view than the crap Breitbart spews. He KNOWS the First Amendment…he KNOWS you cannot discriminate because of someone’s religion, race or national origin! Yet…he stands behind the illegitimate president. (Maybe I should have been feeling “joy” when I was going over that cliff….)

        OK that’s my update for this morning…love to all

    • reallybigmeandog says:

      Oh Truly, as much as this shit writes itself, the universe had intervened and the durst trial is gonna start right shortly so we are all getting away from all this shit for a bit.

      • TrulyUSA says:

        Oh boy! That’s gonna be a good one to follow!

      • Mama Via says:

        Yeah!!!!! I’m fuckin SICK of politics…how can slimy politicians stand to be so slimy?

        Anyone watching “Young Pope”? I guess he is channeling the Rumpster…or the Rumpster is channeling the pope?

  13. Mama Via says:

    Heard a good description today…”…the tRump presidency, aka “The Gong Show”…”

    Gotta laugh, otherwise, I’d be crying my eyes out…

  14. Mama Via says:

    From Stephen Colbert…regarding tRump’s latest executive order

    I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting. It has been 11 days, Stephen. 11 [expletive] days. Eleven. The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public.

    The reason that I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting is that every instinct and fiber of my pathological self-regard calls me to abuse of power. I want — no, deserve — not just your respect but your adoration. Parades with the tanks and the synchronized dancing, and why can’t they train 10,000 doves to spell out “Trump” in the clouds? How hard can it be? They’re already flying.

    I, Donald J. Trump, am exhausting because it is going to take relentless stamina, vigilance and every institutional check and balance this great country can muster to keep me, Donald J. Trump, from going full Palpatine, with the lightning coming out of the fingertips and “fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate.”

    We have never faced this before. Purposeful, vindictive chaos. But perhaps therein lies the saving grace of my, Donald J. Trump’s, presidency.

    No one action will be adequate. All actions will be necessary. And if we do not allow Donald Trump to exhaust our fight and somehow come through this presidency calamity-less and constitutionally partially intact, then I, Donald J. Trump, will have demonstrated the greatness of America. Just not the way I thought I was gonna.

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