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So This Is How My Day Went

July 31, 2018

https://www.gofundme.com/xax925-i039m-going-to-lose-my-house&rcid=r01-153299710225-ec72964758344207&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w

I got a deferral which means they will let it get to 20000 before they seize it so as long as I can keep it below that I get to keep my house.  Please everybody, please share my go fund me on your facebook pages or wherever you hang out.  I do not have anywhere to go if I lose this house.  Please if you can, help me out even just by sharing the go fund me.  Thank you.

RBMD peacing the fuck out

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Due to my ex being non-compliant I am in Huge trouble with the County. Please Help Me If You Can

July 30, 2018

https://www.gofundme.com/xax925-i039m-going-to-lose-my-house&rcid=r01-153299710225-ec72964758344207&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w

I am in arrears at close to 17000, yes you read that right.  I am terrified they are going to take my house if I can’t at least show I’m attempting to pay it.  I don’t make enough for things like property tax or house repairs  or food half the time.  If you can donate anything I would appreciate it and if you can’t I appreciate that too.  I would not be here begging for help if I didn’t need it.  I am embarrassed beyond words.  This is not my proudest moment.

That’s it.  Please help me if you can.

RBMD Peacing the fuck out


ADVENTURES IN REALLYBIGMEANDOG LAND

July 3, 2018

Hello my intrepid readers.  It is currently 1040 in the am.  I know this because I’ve been awake since about 340 in the am.  I’m sure I dozed but you get the picture right?  No you don’t, don’t even try to get the picture.  This house is pandemonium at 340 am.  Hutch thinks he might have heard or possibly seen a man with an ax or some shit outside in the dark through a lit window so he goes insane.  Stars has his back so she starts.  Ted E. who really wants to be a big dog and has the weirdest baratone voice for a dog that size I have ever heard literally shakes you out of bed.  The cats just look bored.  So I get up because you know, it could be an ax murderer except it isn’t.  It’s a bunny.  There is a bunny on my fucking lawn at 340 in the morning and every dog in the house needs me to know this. So I thank them for saving me from the bunny and go back to bed.  HA, my mistake you see because bunnies come back.  After an hour of this fun little game I banish all dogs to their respective furniture with promises of death and throw rugs if they wake me up again.  So when I get killed by an ax wielding maniac I did it to myself cuz I told my dogs to shut the fuck up.

 

RBMD peacing the fuck out


The State Of The Shelter Address

December 24, 2017

Hello my lovelies, it is your most loyal queen here for the annual Christmas eve State of The Shelter Address.

It has certainly been one for the books, and will be.  What with the cheeto in chief trying to start a war, earth falling apart, new animals on the extinction list, more working poor than ever before, and the spin on fucking EVERYTHING trump related would make Linda Blairs head come clean off.

I myself have had a very up and down year as have many of you.  It is weird, in a good way how often our tribulations are similar.  It’s good that way because the sister and brotherhood of the lets save all the unwanted animals from evil doers, can always help each other.

The best thing about 2017 is that 2018 has GOT to be better.  I think we may have hit rock bottom as a species, as a planet, as our little particle of dust in the universe.  Rock. Fucking. Bottom.  Unless of course they really do release a zombie virus to weed out all the old, sick and poor, which at this point I don’t even remotely believe doesn’t exist.  Either that or an actual real purge will become an annual event.  That also would not shock me.

Bunker is real and ready by the way.  The rich can suck it if they think I’m going down without a very serious fight.

The thing I find more amusing than any other thing is math.  They are called the 1 percenters for a reason.  So, either no one can do math or we are all just too chicken shit to say fuck this noise enough already.  I’m not buying your shit, I don’t need that shiny thing whatever it may be.  You’d be amazed at how fast the one percent became a no percent if we started to do shit like that.

My son broke his hand this week.  And due to our evil socialist medical system it cost 20 dollars to get him x-rayed and casted.  God, our medical system sucks.  One of my American friends told me you are all one serious accident away from bankruptcy and that is sad.  except for the one percent who really don’t have a fuck to give.

I hope you are all as well as you can be in your respective situations.  I am okay all things being relative.

I wish peace and happiness to all of you this holiday season and a new year that is better than the old one.

RBMD peacing the fuck out


It’s Actually Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

December 19, 2017

Hello my lovelies.  It’s me, back already.  Please don’t pass out from shock.  Your dean of fuckery, doctor of doctoring, honorary DVM, pretend Judge, Fixer of all briefs that need to be re-written, dog lactation consultant, horse therapist, resident sarcasm expert and Queen of all I survey.  The pageant for “Queen of the universe is coming up so please cast your votes early.  Even if you have to ride a horse that really isn’t feeling it to do so.

Spoiler alert this video has nothing to do with anything I just thought it was funny so I used it.

I have heard from Mama who is well, just dealing with some of her own stuff.  Nothing bad I promise, she’s just busy.

So since it is already the 19th of what is usually my most despised month of the year coming up to what is usually my most despised day of the year, I decided I would just nip that shit in the bud and let you all know that I am actually looking forward to Christmas.  If anyone has smelling salts please pass them to renae, mama and basset because I know they have all just collectively fainted.

I have been doing this blog for a long time.  We have covered a lot of things, survived a lot of things and thrived from a lot of things.  We have had each others backs, we have gone to war for anyone of us that needed a war party on the quick and we love each other.  To me, that means more than anything.  I want each of you to know that while my road is still so, so fucking long, you have helped me travel a distance and you’ve walked beside me just in case I stumbled so you’d be there to grab me and I am aware and I am so grateful to you all.

I am in a good headspace this year.  Not great but not he horrific depressions I have been falling into as of late. Depression is really the gift that keeps on giving.  It gives heartache to the people that love you and have no idea how to help you, it gives actual physical pain, it gives to the point where you just want to say fuck it what is the point.  I’ve been there, I’ve done that and what keeps me going just in case you didn’t know is the fact that I am not alone, that you all understand and that eventually I know, even if it just way down the  pit of the blackness that it will get better.  I know things are getting better because I have discovered a few things that set off the depression and have figured out how to shut them right the fuck down before they even get started.  Sometimes, I’m not so lucky.  I am sorry to you all I have been so absent this year, it has been one for the books.

This year my son turns 17.  Two days before Christmas my baby turns 17.  He has his license test scheduled for the 2nd of January and nobody on earth is looking more forward to that day than me.  See, I hate driving.  It is part of the agoraphobia, but it is also to do with an accident my drunk mother had with me in the car.  I have never been a huge fan, and the older I get the more I hate it.  the day I get to say, can you please go to the store and pick up some bread will be an awesome day.  First because I don’t have to go and second because I can afford bread.  Remember when I didn’t know where the fuck our next meal was coming from?  Seems like yesterday.  you guys saved me then too, and I will not ever forget what you did for a mother in the throws of the worst portion of her life and her son to make sure that we did not freeze to death or starve.  I am still humbled by it.

Once my pension came through and I figured out how to budget the pittance they gave me we were able to make a terrible situation tolerable.  Tolerable is much better than can you please donate money so we don’t freeze to death.

The no kill shelter has come a long way.  Members that were at least as messed up as me have blossomed which makes me so damn happy, and even myself who was, I thought, completely and irreparably broken have made some progress.  I can now stand to be downstairs instead of locked behind the front door lock, the lock to the upstairs room and the lock on my office door.  So I have eliminated 2 locks.  Of course it helped immensely when my imaginary psychiatrist informed me that having several imaginary large and very vicious dogs would probably help in the event that someone was to break in .  They are by the way only vicious if they feel that I am being threatened.  Oher than that they are watchful but harmless.  My imaginary dog Hutchinson especially takes his job as a sacred duty and he would without hesitation take a bullet for me, which is good cuz I worry about bullets. A lot. Still.

Imaginary starsky is as loyal as Hutchy bear but her loyalty is to the boy first and I would not have it any other way.  Out of all the imaginary dogs, it is surprisingly Panzer that one needs to be the most concerned with because that bitch don’t play.  You fuck with her family and you are going to be as dead as she can possibly make you.

The day my imaginary Psychiatrist hooked me up with horse therapy was probably one of the most fortuitous days I have had in a very, very long time.  It took me days to finally get up the courage to go to the farm, even though my doc assured me that the farmer had been fully briefed that I could not be in large crowds, could not feel like I was in anyway trapped and that I was very experienced with horses and if he told me what he wanted and left me alone he’d probably be a very happy guy.  He is one of he kindest and most understanding imaginary people I have ever met.  I know he wasn’t sure of me at first because I was terrified to be around him.  Seems however, the second he saw I was not terrified of the animals I was handling he was fine.  I have become the keeper of his prize stallion who is according to the barn staff only really happy when I am there, I have brought some animals I thought were beyond help back from whatever hell they were reliving over and over in their minds, I have birthed a foal, and I have had the sheer joy of being back around horses.  Something I truly love and that gives me tremendous amounts of pleasure.    sometimes the farm owner finds me quite vexing and he yells at me.  Mostly because he is old and very set in his ways and I am much younger and up on he latest techniques in equine care.  Like when I name them.  they come in with numbers.  Nobody should be horse 2425 or whatever.  So they all have names.  Unfortunately, I refer to them by their names and nobody has a fucking clue of what I speak.   First he got mad and told me to stop doing it, and then Charlie happened.  He has softened on the whole name thing since then and he has even taken the time out of a crazy schedule to learn a lot of them.  That is huge.  Instead of saying bring in 1497 he says bring in Molly.  The first time he did it I almost wept. Everyone deserves a name.

I still cannot go out in public, even with my son I am as apt to have a panic attack as not although I will say that my son has learned to deal with them with surgical precision.  Get me out of the area that is causing me distress, find somewhere quiet and talk me down which he manages to do about 80 percent of the time.  I still cannot do things like attempt public transportation or take a taxi because I do not know the driver or go to the bank or anything like that, but look how far I have come.  There are still so many things I cannot do, but I am so proud at the huge amounts of progress I have made.  thanks in huge part to you guys with all of your encouragement.

Bug found a bunch of imaginary kittens that someone dumped out on the road as is the circle of life around here and I of course would not have them starved or run over or eaten by the explosion of  imaginary coyotes we’ve had so they sort of live with us.  They come in at night and get something to eat and then go out during the day although when I look through the window they never go far.

He came home from school a week ago to discover that I had strung lights, put out the decorations that we have, put a jiggly collar on our imaginary dog Rocket and had eggnog waiting for him and he lost his shit.  The smile is one I will not forget ever.  I got the biggest hug and a thank you mom and I know how hard you are trying which is quite simply everything.

I got the by drivers ed, which took a huge amount of  scrimping to save up for it.  Fuck me sideways  that shit is expensive, but I will apparently save it in insurance since he will be on as an occasional driver.  It will make it so my insurance does not go so high I can’t afford it.  It was worth the sacrifice.

I have decided that because of his age it is time to start getting him ready for when he flies the nest, so his Christmas and birthday have been about things he will use for the next several years.  A futon, a new bed, a really good set of headphones, a coffee maker, a down duvet, bedding, a few clothes and of course a few fun things, a PlayStation pass card for the year, Assasins creed origins, some cd’s, a bunch of movies he’s been wanting and something I think is special, the outsiders and rumble fish, both the books and the movies.  There are lessons there and he is nothing if not a deep thinker.

I have been making cookies, and my plan is cheesecake and some butter tarts as well as Grandma’s shortbread to put out for Christmas day.

It has been an amazing yeas of ups and downs, but mostly ups.   Except for Trump.  Big, big down.

My offer stands of a safe nuclear free zone.  Bring your imaginary horses, imaginary dogs, imaginary alpaca’s if that is your thing.  Like I said, make spouses will have to take a test to gain entry.

So there you have it.  My year in a nutshell.  I am trying to find things that actually interest me to write about so I will be back more frequently.

Thank you all again for sticking with this really big mean dog and for helping me through some amazingly tough times.  I am doing my best to pay it forward as I am able.

Each and every one of you are part of my life and my heart and I love you all as much as you love me.

Peace and love to each and every one of you

RBMD peacing the fuck out.

 

 


Honey Made A Friend

November 11, 2017

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hello my lovelies.  Your Queen of all I survey is at a bit a crossroads at the no kill shelter.  I still very much want too and have the inclination too write about the ridiculousness of the justice system, there is just nothing peeking my interest at the moment and yet I still feel compelled to write.  So, since really the only thing I do is be depressed or go to horse therapy, I’m going to write about that for a bit.  I hope you don’t find it boring and also that maybe for some of you that don’t really know horses you learn some stuff.

I am still dealing with the loss of Charlie.  That sucks if you are a person, to lose an animal that had come so far back to this side of the land of  maybe things will turn out okay.  It sucks way worse if the dead horse was another horses only friend

Charlie had a best horse friend.  Her name is honey. Honey is another horse that the owner of the farm took pity on and just decided to buy so she wouldn’t be meat.  He bought a spectacular Shining Spark Stallion that day and was getting ready to leave when Honey came up on the chopping block.  Meat horses do not go for large amounts of money.  Usually it works out to about 10 cents a pound.  Honey was a wreck, just like Charlie, only for different reasons.  Honey had caught strangles and whoever had owned her had gone to all the trouble and expense of saving her which is no joke and costs thousands which made me not understand why on earth she would end up at a meat auction in the middle of the United States.  Strangles untreated will kill a horse as fast as can be and it is a horrible death.  It is just exactly what it sounds like.  Whoever owned her had gone as far as to have a tracheotomy performed in order to save her life.  Neither the owner, nor myself understood what had happened between then and the auction.  My best guess is that she was stolen.  That apparently is a huge problem due to the market for horsemeat in other countries.

So, he bought the shining spark Stallion and was ecstatic about his purchase,  He cost a lot, like more than 20000 dollars, and he had gotten a deal at that amount of money.  he was just standing up when Honey came in.  She was skinny to the point where it was hard for her to stand on her own and she was frightened at all the noise and a ring full of people she didn’t know and the owner swears he could tell she had just completely given up.  She had gone form somewhere and someone that loved her to this and it broke his heart a little.  This man has a huge heart and I wish more people were like him about animals.  It speaks volumes about a person how they treat animals.  After spending over 20000 on his stallion he ended up buying Honey for 74.50  He told the barn manager that they could use her for a brood mare or something.

So after a vet check to make sure she had nothing communicable they got their paperwork to get her across the border and brought her to the farm.  She was quite a site that mare.  Nothing but skin hanging off of bone.  I’d got Charlie tamed down by then and she was with the other pregnant horses so he brought me this one and asked if I’d see if there was anything I could do for her.  There was lots I could do for Honey.  All she needed was a lot of food and the love I give to all the horses on the farm.  She was a palomino mare (on of those yellow colored ones with the white mane and tale).  She was shy, mostly because she had no idea what in the name of fuck had just happened, but honey didn’t have a mean bone in her body.  About the only thing on earth she wanted was to be loved like somebody used to love her and I was happy to do that for her.  I slowly got her weight up, starting with grass hay because second cut which is very high in protein would have made her sick and very little grain for the same reason.  I increased it slowly over time and she started to take weight.  She was sad though and that was a much harder fix.  I put her in with the brood mares once she was at a decent weight and they all rejected her.  They picked on her, they kicked at her, they drove her off the food and basically made her live miserable.  Horses have a definitive pecking order and Honey had victim written all over her and they all took advantage of it.  She refused to fight back.  Not once she kick back, or try and bite or even pin her ears in anger.  She just took it. I talked to the farm owner about it and asked if he thought it would be okay if I put her with Charlie.  He had his doubts, but I didn’t.  I knew Charlie well by then and she knew what it was like to be tormented.

Charlie and Honey bonded instantly.  It was immediate and it was strong.  Then I put Charlie and Honey back in with the rest of the brood mares and boy things changed fast.  The first mare that went after Honey was thoroughly trounced by Charlie just to let the who herd know that the days of picking on Honey were over.  She would stand over Honey and make sure she got her fill of hay and grain even before she’d take it herself.  The herd now accepted Honey because they did not have another option.  Charlie wasn’t playing around when it came to Honey.  If a horse messed with her they were in big trouble.  When Charlie got sick, I had to bring Honey up too, because they would not leave each other.  Honey had a complete and total meltdown when I tried to lead Charlie away.  I brought her because I thought it would help Charlie and because I was afraid that Honey would try and go through the fence to get to her friend.

And then Charlie died.  Honey changed in that moment.  Every ounce of joy she had managed to regain left her the second Charlie did.  And she has been despondent ever since.  She has been in the main barn since Charlie because she foundered and also because we knew the herd would turn on her now that Charlie was gone.

I had another idea.  My farm owner didn’t like it, but was willing to try for Honey and because so far I was batting a thousand with the idea’s.  I suggested we put her with my mare Scout.  Now Scout is not a fan of other horses.  She is the most unherdlike herd animal I have ever seen.  She likes her solitude.  Unless you are a cow in which case you are tolerable and she will be your friend.  I knew Scout wouldn’t hurt her, my worst worry was that she would totally ignore her.  Seems my horse Scout has as big a heart as Charlie did.

Scout spent a little bit convincing Honey she wasn’t going to hurt her, and once that was established, she proceeded to begin to stroke Honey on the back the way horses do to comfort each other.  It is like a light bite, not to hurt it actually makes the horse on the receiving end feel accepted and comforted.  By the end of the day Scout and Honey were best friends, a thing I would have never believed had I not seen it with my own eyes.  My horse just does not like horses. Period.  She just seemed to know that Honey needed somebody, anybody to be her friend while she mourned Charlie.  Scout made it so that she did not have to grieve alone.  She led Honey around the paddock, slowly because Honey is still foundered and her feet hurt her quite badly.  She led her around and showed her where the best graze was, she introduced her to her cow friends who truthfully could not possibly have cared less about the new horse.  She showed her where the water was, and she kept up a pretty constant horse conversation which Honey responded too.

Then night came and we had a problem.  Scout is completely barn sour.  She completely loathes being inside the barn.  She kicks at the walls and screams her anger at everyone and does other stupid things like refuse to eat until you put her back outside and Honey was still not well enough to stay outside all night.  If there were coyotes or anything Honey would be unable to run away or defend herself.  So we decided that Scout would stay out with her cows and Honey would come in for the night.  And Honey ATE.  Like she hadn’t seen food in months she ate.  She nickered, she didn’t pace and most importantly, she didn’t look sad.  He head was not down so low her muzzle was dragging the shavings.  She called out to Scout periodically  and Scout heard her and called back just to let her know she was there every time.  Honey had her first decent night since Charlie passed away.  So, we are going to move Scout up with the brood mares along with Honey once she is well enough to be up there and hopefully that should solve that because while Scout is no more mean than Charlie was, and Charlie was not a mean horse,  I have a feeling she will not take any shit on behalf of Honey.

 

RBMD peacing the fuck out.


Charlie, I’m Sorry

October 29, 2017

I cannot carry on with what those fucks did to that poor baby.  I’ve tried.  I have nine, yes nine different drafts of things I was going to say but fuck it.  My blog, my perogative and I guess I really just can’t when it comes to kids.  Sorry.  Lets just get to the point succinctly.

The boy is dead.  He suffered unbelievable pain and degradation before he died and all of you thank whatever god you believe in that he was finally and mercifully released from the hell that was his life.

I hope the pieces of shit that did it get the death penalty and I hope they somehow fuck the drugs up and they feel immeasurable amounts of pain before they die a thousand years from now because the justice system is a piece of shit.  It’s all we’ve got, on both sides of the border, but it’s a piece of shit.

Instead, I’m going to tell you something personal that happened over the last couple of days.  I don’t want sympathy, I want you to understand why my psychiatrist hooked me up with therapy horses and why sometimes even the best intentions are not enough. Not by a long shot.

A7221 came in the second day I was at the farm.  I remember  because I was giving a sorrel mare a beauty treatment at the time and was told to put her away and clear the aisle for this mare coming in.  And boy did she come.  That girl had murder on her mind and she didn’t care who it was. She had come in, in foal.  Newly in foal but in foal.  Now, the owner of the farm is a good man.  A genuinely good man.  He has human faults like every other person, but he absolutely hates to see an animal in distress.  In the day I had been there he had seen me calm a very freaked out horse and asked if I thought I could handle A7221.  With all he confidence I could muster, because being that the farm owner is a man I was afraid of him, I said sure.  He gets that I can’t be around people, he has never been weird about it, he always makes sure I have an out somewhere and that he is never to close to me and he just gets it.  He also gets that I am some weird fucking horse empath or something.

Well, the very first order of business once I got her into a stall was a name because I am not calling a horse by a number like it is in Auschwitz, and after watching her for a bit I called her Charlie Brown.  Charlie brown because she had obviously had the football pulled out from under her one to many times.

Charlie had been bred and born to be a show horse.  Unfortunately she did not have the look and she had long cannon bones and a popcorn lip.  None of these things are good if you are looking for a show horse.  I have no idea what went on in Charlie’s life up to the point she showed up at the farm.  I can tell you that she was so afraid for her head that she would get violent if you tried to touch it.  That tells me she was hit about the face, a lot.   Her skin would actually walk across her back if you managed to touch her without getting swung on in those first couple of days which tells me she got hit about the body a lot.  the scars on her flanks told me she’d been spurred into submission when being ridden as did the scars at the corners of her mouth.  The farm owner picked her up in the states at a meat auction because she was pregnant and he just could not bear it because that is who he is and luckily he can afford the largess of being that guy.

Now, I can come and go as I please but once “Charlie showed up I found myself spending hours trying to get her to just take a piece of apple out of my hand.  The owners wife, who is another wonderful person commented on it, wondering out loud if she ever would trust me enough to do it.  I had my doubts.  I’d just hang in her stall for the first while, far away from her and talk.   I told her I got it, that I knew what it was like to be that afraid, that sometimes the only thing you could do was fight, but that she didn’t have to fight with me because I wouldn’t hurt her and if she’d let me I’d protect her and the little life growing in her.

I told her about my life, told her about you guys and the no kill shelter and how you had helped me come back to myself at least a little and that everybody needs a friend.  Maybe not a lot of friends, but just one that you could count on no matter what.  I told her about my dogs and my kid and that there were lots of other horses she could hang out with if she would just calm down a little.  I never faced her when I talked to her.  I made sure I could see her out of the corner of my eye just in case, but I never looked at her straight on.

So one morning I was telling her about my car being a piece of shit and acting up and I suddenly felt a muzzle on my hair and I thought fuck she’s gonna take a bite, but she didn’t.  She nuzzled my hair for a second and then she just stood there.  So I turned about an eighth of a turn and waited for her to bolt to the other side of the stall.  But she didn’t.

I fished the fresh piece of apple I brought every single day and put it out flat in my hand.  Charlie contemplated that apple for probably five minutes and then she looked into my eyes as she took it.  And ate it.  Her eyes were not bulging like they had been since she came, and she had he softest eyes.  and the saddest.  Like she was waiting for me to pull the football away.  I reached a hand out close to her neck, nowhere near her face and she let me pat her neck.

The next morning I went back.  I said good morning to all the horses and was greeted with the nickers of hello which is how they talk.  Charlie was way at the other end of the barn so it took me a minute to get there and she stood facing the rails for the first time since she’d come and she nickered at me.   This horse had not made a sound since the day she’d come into the barn and she had just said good morning.  I opened the door to her stall and instead of heading to the back corner with her back to me like she always did, she stuck her face into my sweatshirt to see if I had another apple.  Of course I had an apple and that day, she got to eat the whole fucking thing.

I went and grabbed some grooming supplies because she desperately needed to be groomed but it was with much trepidation because Charlie had been hit by things and I had no idea what those things may have been.  I let her see the brush and smell it and bite it and when I thought she was ready I but it on her side.  She flinched but she allowed it and I brushed her till she glistened.  I brushed her to sleep actually.  Now, Charlie was never going to win any beauty awards in the horse world but she was far from hideous.   A little muley in the face maybe but in a cute way.

I’d gotten her tamed down enough so that it was safe to move her to the pasture where the pregnant mares go and I did.  we had some geldings out and when they ran the fence to see the new horse she freaked a little and gave me a scar on my Achilles tendon I will have forever, but it was fear not maliciousness and I limped up the rest of the way to the paddock with my heal bleeding pretty good and when I got there I told her what a good girl she was and patted her neck which had become her favorite thing.

Charlie had to have needles sometimes and the first time I had to catch her to give her one, it took me an hour and seven minutes.  I had done something stupid and let her see the needle.  I might as well have shown her a harpoon.  She thought I’d let her down, I know it.  But I caught her eventually and calmed her down and she never even knew she got the needle.  After that it was cake.  She came when I called her and she always got her apple when we were done doing whatever.

There is a picture on one of the owners phones of Charlie with her head on my shoulder standing in the middle of an acre of paddock.

Charlie turned up sick Friday.  Colic.  Pretty much a death sentence but I tried.  I tried, I swear to god.  I walked Charlie for hours and then I walked her some more.  I never stopped talking to her,  I never stopped praising ever step she took.  And the whole time her belly got bigger, and bigger and I knew it was a torsion but I refused to let my brain process that information.  I told myself it was food colic and we could oil her and get stuff moving and she’d be fine.  And the vet did.  The farm owner was beside himself and said do whatever the vet could do to save her.  She stood for me while we tubed her and poured a gallon of oil down into her stomach, she stood for me while she was injected with pain killer, she stood for me resting her head on my shoulder so she wouldn’t lay down because she really wanted to lay down.  I was still walking at 830 Saturday night.  The owner spotted me and said he and his brother would take the night shift and if I wouldn’t mind coming to walk her early in the morning they would appreciate it.  I was there at 6:15 am.  Charlie died from a torsion soon after I left her.  There wasn’t anything I could have done or the vet could have done or god himself if he was a thing could have done, as soon as her gut twisted, Charlie was on borrowed time.  She hung on long enough so that I didn’t have to see her die and I believe that as much as I believe I am sitting here writing this blog.  She walked for me because I asked her too.  She hung on for me because I asked her too.  And she was still walking so that I could see her walking when I left so that I would leave and I didn’t have to watch her die.   I found her of course and I gently wrapped the chains that needed to be wrapped around her hocks so that we could get her out of where she was.  Someone else offered but I refused to let anyone else touch her.  I did it and made sure it was right so we could get her up into the bucket without banging her around to much because even though I was well aware she was quite dead, I didn’t want anyone to hurt her ever again.

I hope where ever Charlie is, there is a nice woman who looks like me that brings her apples everyday and tells her not to listen to the other horses if they say she is ugly because they are just jealous.  I hope she get brushed to sleep a lot and gets talked to all the time. I hope she follows that woman around a field and as often as not puts her head on the woman’s shoulder and that she nickers hello because she wants to be friends with people now.  I hope she gets told how awesome she is, because she was.  Awesome.  Broken, but awesome.  And I hope that fucking number is no longer on her beautiful haircoat.  She isn’t A7221 she is Charlie Brown and wherever she is, they better remember that.

 

ReallyBigMeanDog Peacing the fuck out

 

 


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Varmt News Network

It's the Internet.

peskyvarmt

Just another WordPress.com site

Asleep in Left Field-My Life

4 out of 5 Friends recommend this WordPress.com site

Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

CALLS FOR JUSTICE

sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us