Hai my lovelies, tis me, your dean of fuckery, doctor of Doctoring, pretend Judge, honorary DVM, Dog Lactation Consultant, Horse Therapist, Author of the big book of words, owner of one in house psychic and of course Queen of all I survey.
Today’s blog is brought to you by Paul Bunyan the reason for which will become abundantly clear in a bit.
This family had some issues. They had an uncle mixed up with the Gambino’s, a kid in the navy and a son in university. On the outside, they looked like the perfect all American family, the family other families wanted to be.
On November 15 2004, Peter Porco was found dead of massive head injuries. He had been attacked with an axe. Axe murders are fun. Messy, but fun. Know what else is fun. Zombies. Peter Porco had been hit 16 times in the head with the sharp edge of an axe. Even so, that fucker decided that dead was not something he wanted to be and in the morning he got up, seemingly completely unaware that most of his head was missing, brushed his teeth, went and made a sack lunch, went out to get the morning paper, locked himself out and remembered where the key was hidden under the flower pot and let himself back in. He eventually dropped from massive blood loss and expired on his kitchen floor. Let’s do science, science is fun. The top part of Peters brain which controls speech, thought etc was the part that was severely damaged. the paleocortex, located underneath the neocortex was intact. This is what controls primal instincts and second nature habits. He performed the same tasks he performed every morning.
Now peter was a court clerk and when he didn’t show up for work someone was dispatched to his home where whoever was sent got to see what they had had for breakfast the second time.
Frankie the fireman Porco was the dude hooked up with the Gambino’s and it was originally thought this was a mob retaliation hit. This was quickly discarded and they moved on to another suspect. The youngest son, Christopher Porco.
Christopher Porco is a piece of shit. Let’s just get that right out there. a stupid piece of shit, because the alarm had been disarmed by someone who knew the code which was only four people and one was on a navy ship far, far away , that pesky hidden key was found in the door (granted, Porco Sr could have left the key in the lock, I mean dude was basically running on fumes at this point.)
Chris had another itty bitty problem. Moms was still somehow alive and her first statement, when asked if she knew who did it, she indicated her son had done it. Once she started to recover she recanted her nod of the head but the police were positive she had admitted it the first time because she assumed she was dying.
So, let’s get back to the piece of shit. Christopher Porco was a manipulative , lying, money grubbing swindling asshole. He had staged a break in a couple of years earlier and stolen computers which he sold on ebay. This would come back to bite him on he ass. Hard.
He forged his parents signatures on bank loans and was caught. His father threatened him with the cops if it ever happened again. He was flunking out of college and he was pretending to be some rich fuck whose largess included pizza parties for entire dorms, things like that.
The motive was money obviously. They had a lot of life insurance. Like, a lot.
Christopher Porco was a good looking kid and he manipulated the ladies quite easily. He went so far so big were his balls to ask the daughter of the investigator on the case to steal back the computer he had sold a couple of years earlier and that the cops had tracked down.
Chris at one point worked at a vet clinic and was very adept at cleaning up blood. Let me tell you, an axe murder is gonna spray blood like everywhere. walls, ceilings and clothing. No clothing with blood was ever recovered and his jeep even though they took it apart right down to the last bolt gave up not one drop of blood.
I have a theory. Chris killed his parents, showered, changed into the clean clothes he had brought with him and his bloody clothing are somewhere in a body of water. It’s what I would do. No blood to drip in the jeep and no bloody clothes.
Many people were behind him at first. His house of cards came tumbling down once the women he was using started talking to each other and when that fucking computer was found.
There was so much family conflict that nobody knew about but was discovered through evil, angry emails sent back and forth between Chris and Zombie Porco.
He was arrested and arraigned and his mother was the star witness and the reason he got bail. She swore her son had not done this and was angry that the police had decided to question her while she was so grievously injured that when they went to put he oxygen mask on they couldn’t decide exactly where her mouth was.
The lack of forensic evidence was daunting and annoying because the cops were sure he did it.
It was not until they started digging into the emails and stuff that the real dynamics of the family came out. They were a family in deep crisis.
then the police received an interesting letter from anonymous saying he’d done it and he was gonna do it again. The best theory is that Chris sent it.
Frankie the fireman was in jail at the time so his alibi was pretty tight.
He was finally tried and convicted, mom or no mom for the murder of his father and attempted murder of his parents.
It took forever, but they finally found enough evidence to convict the little entitled money grubbing bastard.
Dude, an axe? really? I really, really hate my parents and I would have never smashed them with an axe.
It was a difficult trial, but they got him and probably a good thing because the whole town had pretty much turned on him by then having seen how he was acting. His favorite line to a bevy of girls, was you’re my girl to whichever one could help him at the time. One girls mom worked for a newspaper and was talked into an article basically calling the police inept. One like I said was asked to steal a computer out of the evidence locker. One was for money. Chris Porco is a piece of shit.
He got 50 years. Not enough. Not nearly enough. A fucking axe. What is he a Viking? Jesus H Christ on a cracker.
So there is the story of Chris Porco, piece of shit extraordinaire. Sadly for him that life insurance money never came through.
PS I need to proofread more often
RBMD peacing the fuck out