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It’s The End Of The World As We Know It And I Don’t Have a Fuck To Give…

August 14, 2017

 

Hello everybody. Your resident sarcasm expert and Queen of all I survey has decided to come out of her fallout shelter long enough to see if the planet is still a planet or is now a blackened, burned out shell. Spoiler alert: as of this writing it appears to still be a planet, but it is moment to moment.
I have a question for everybody that voted for Trump. Still feeling good about that vote? Still think this is the guy to take you where you want to be? If where you want to be is dead, then YAY, good choice.
I have not had television for about two weeks.   I got it turned back on today and all that is all over the news are the usual trials and tribulations of the USA  courtesy of the orange twat waffle that rules you all.
I have to hand it to him though. Trying to start a nuclear war does manage to take away from the fact that you colluded with Russia. It also takes away from the fact that most of the people you hand picked to “DRAIN THE SWAMP” have no desire to drain anything because they are part of the glorious eco-system that IS the swamp. Rich people and war mongers that are going to send your children to fight a war that they start so they can distract you from the fact that you put a rich, misogynistic, racist, moronic, cro-magnon, draft dodging piece of human excrement into the position of highest power in your country. He has no desire to help anyone but himself and the rich. He has no desire to do anything to help women, or help the poor, or the environment, or animals (unless of course the animals are being grown for fur or leather for his daughters fashion collection.) His idea of making America great again is getting women back into dresses and high heels all the time, bringing back fossil fuels, and reversing himself on every single campaign promise he made and keeping the migrant workers that will actual deign to do the jobs that your people don’t want to do out of the country. The president of the USA charged the secret service right out of one of his buildings because he has decided that rules pertaining to conflicts of interest do not apply to him and kept all his assets. Oh the money the president is making, while slashing and burning anything that might help the less fortunate. Good for you guys.
So for those of you that think Drumpf is the greatest thing to ever happen to your country I give you this…
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Please read that a couple of times and extrapolate what it really, really means.  For those that did not know, the title of this sonnet is The New Colossus and is  inscribed on a plaque on the fucking Statue of Liberty. That beacon of hope that anyone who can’t trace their lineage back to the mayflower’s family member saw when they IMMIGRATED to the fucking country you now reside in. So what should it really say, now that the rose colored glasses that the rest of the world viewed you with have been ripped off and crushed under the boot of your dear leader? Give us your tired (as long as they aren’t old, or sick, or non-white) your poor (but only if they aren’t so poor that they cannot support themselves at all times for ever and never have bad luck or get sick or anything) your huddled masses yearning to breathe free (but don’t get ahead of yourselves, those masses can only be like maybe masses of two or three. Okay five to seven as long as they are all from white countries. breathing however doesn’t come free, you will need a lot of money to be able to gain entry here, and don’t even think about breathing any of our air if you are Muslim…or Mexican…or gay…or transgendered…or sick…um, you get the idea right?
I have a huge shocker for all y’all. You never needed to be great again. You most assuredly do now, but before you elected the speaking orangutan, your country was the one everyone looked to on the world stage as the single greatest country on the planet. Now you are the biggest joke on the planet, except we are all so frightened nobody is laughing. Nobody is laughing, except for Trump. Of course if anybody calls him on it he will just yell fake news, taken out of context or whatever the wheel of excuses lands on when he spins it for the roughly six hundred and forty seven thousand nine hundred and eighteenth time.
Anybody want to make book on what day WWIII starts? We are dealing with two toddlers with nuclear capability so somebody will win and everybody will lose.
Really Big Mean Dog peacing the fuck out!!

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And The Rockets Orange Glare, The Bombs Bursting On Air Gave Proof Through The Night That You Must Be Aware. Oh Say Does That Orange Pig Dog Fucker Still Haive..r.(it means lie in Scottish)O’er The Land You Should Flee, And the home of The Deranged.

January 19, 2017

Your old anthem translated to Russian just so you can get a head start on things will follow shortly.  Some words don’t translate well, like rampart.  Rampart is a sucky word to translate to Russian.  Just sayin.  I’m sure president Stalin, I mean Putin, I mean Trump will have a new word to replace it.

Before the nukes go off tomorrow, I just want to say a few other things.  Your confirmation hearings are a joke.  Your nominee for the department of energy didn’t know that included nukes, and nobody is willing to say that they will give an accounting of foreign loans held by your esteemed president.

Trudeau has declared a US refugee crisis and we are currently putting plans in place to get the refugees out before we commence with sawing the continent in half and hopefully floating a little farther away so as to stay out of the blast radius.  You have to pass a fairly simple test.  Prove you are not racist, homophobic, misogynistic, or a pussy grabber (unless of course you have been invited to grab the pussy in which case rock on) and don’t have problems with the disabled. You also must believe in the separation of church and state, public schools not for profit and not for profit jails or healthcare.    Please know our prayers are with you and we will get as many of you out as we can. May god have mercy on you all.

RBMD peacing the fuck out in my peaceful country.  Remember we love you.

 


How Does A Country Feel When It Is Grabbed By The Pussy?

December 29, 2016

Hello subjects. Tis your intrepid leader, dean of fuckery, law professor, doctor of doctoring, honorary DVM, puppy resuscitation expert, dog lactation expert, horse whisperer, owner of contract of indentured servitude, and her most royal highness and queen of all I survey.

This little ditty is translated to Flower of Carnage.  It is in Japanese but it is beautiful and haunting and just perfect I think.

2016 has been one for the books hasn’t it. Likely the last one of any book ever since it’s the beginning of the end of the world. We are all invited to Renae’S house to watch the nuclear launches by the way. BYOB. or BYOW. Or BYOBAW. Fuck it, I say we all bring our meds and just throw em all in a big bowl.

I was finally able to move 1984 by George Orwell to the non fiction section of my personal library so that is now off of my bucket list. Actually the 0range horseman of the apocalypse had made me speed up my bucket list exponentially. All I have left are a Mexican standoff with actual Mexicans, bear fight using only a buck knife, having a heart to heart with Kanye West and making him understand what an insufferable douchebag he really is, shooting a Kardashian in the ass just to see if it deflates, and riding in one last horseshow. Obviously I just added the horseshow one since I only just discovered I can still ride. I think probably they are all doable except for the very last one. I don’t think I have the confidence to ride in a show ever again, I’d probably freak the fuck out or be so tense the horse would sense it and I’d ruin the experience for my show partner.

Then there is my private locked behind two safe doors written in coded invisible ink bucket list. It only has four things on it and when the day comes(and it will) that we find out the world is going to be blown up within the next twelve hours I’m going to check off everyone of them…well depending on traffic. At least three of them.

I’m so convinced that Trump marks the beginning of the end of world that I have even drawn up emancipation papers for the in house psychic. Hell she may as well enjoy a couple of hours of freedom or whatever we are living under is supposed to be.

So, let us recap 2016 shall we. The abridged version or else we will be here until Trump fires the first warhead.

Let us start with the fucking English since as a Scot it is my duty to hate them and David Cameron. The Panama Papers (just in case anyone forgot about them) said that the then Prime Minister of the fucking United Kingdom had coin in a secret offshore investment fund. He also porked a pig head in college. Then he called for a Brexit referendum which backfired horribly. He resigned in shame.

Drunk and from the shallow end of the gene pool Americans. Before you all collectively go wait, what? please recall the Port Huron Float Down. 1500 of your best and brightest (omg I can’t believe I typed that without smacking my head off of the keyboard) decided that a bunch of inner tubes and a fuckton of alcohol was a great idea. They did manage to close down the shipping corridors of a great lake and produced a $280 000 deficit for your country to save everybody who accidentally floated into Canada. Ha, accident my ass, you were all trying to get away from Trump even then weren’t you?

Clowns that all look like ax murderers. Whatever the fuck this little phenomenon is about, knock it the fuck off 2016.

Then of course we have the Syrian refugee crisis. Apparently Syrians have a one in ten chance of being dead at any given moment during this shit show of complete fuckery.

Polio and Small pox came back. Yay. Anti-vaxers are assholes.

Putin and Trump declared their love for each other and passionately made love on the white house lawn. Okay that last part hasn’t happened yet but the rest is pretty much what happened. Just so we are clear, Russia bad. Putin bad.

The totally not honorable Robin Camp. This actually started in 2014 but since we all heard about it this year I’m counting it. This fuckwad is the judge who asked a rape victim why she hadn’t kept her legs closed among other questions that should have just made his head explode due to misogyny overload. Instead he let the rapist off with a wrist slap and had to apologise to the victim which I am sure made it all better. I suggest any judge that hears rape cases needs to wear a shock collar, like a bear shock collar and every time they say something stupid it needs to go the fuck off. And this guy needs to be disbarred and defrocked or whatever you do to a judge.

There were also all the deaths. All sad, some devastatingly so.
Zsa Zsa Gabor, actress, socialite, she was about a billion and six so no surprise really
Craig Sagar. NBA sideline reporter who dressed like a pimp on slap a ho day.
Bernhard Fox. Best known as Doctor Bombay from bewitched.
Alan Thicke. Canadian actor/douchebag. Best known for growing pains. The show not the actual thing.
John Glen. If you don’t know who that is, A)shame on you B)you aren’t a Russian spy or anything right? C)Shame on you.
Florence Henderson. Actress best known as the best mom on earth due to her turn on Brady Bunch.
Ron Glass– Actor. Best known for his roles in Barney Miller and Firefly
Leon Russell. Legendary singer/songwriter/studio musician. Collaborated with the beach boys, rolling stones, and Elton john to name just a few.
Arnold Palmer. Legendary pro golfer. He won four masters and is inducted in the golf hall of fame. Yes, there is a golf hall of fame. No, I don’t know why.
Jose Fernandez. Pitcher Miami Marlins. Really fucked up boat accident.
Gene Wilder. Actor. Best known for Willy Wonka, Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles. He is associated with some of the funniest movies of the 70’s.
Steven Hill– Actor who will forever be remembered as Adam Schiff from Law and Order.
Kenny Baker-Actor/droid. Yes people, R2D2 is dead.
Garry Marshall. Producer/director/legend/penny marshall’s dad. Created Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley and directed Pretty Woman.
Michael Cimino– Acadamy award winning director- The Deer Hunter.
Ryan Jimmo. MMA fighter. 19 wins and 5 losses during his career…and I guess one death.
Bernie Worrell. Keyboardist. Founding member of funk band Parliament Funkadelic
Anton Yelchin– Actor. Best known for being a very badassed Pavel Chekov in Star Trek All The Old People Got Replaced.
Cassius Clay…Okay I’m just fucking with you although you should all know who that is. Muhammad Ali. Best boxer ever.
Gordie Howe. Hockey Player. Played 26 seasons in the NHL and made the all star team in 23 of them.
Morley Safer. Reporter. Worked on 60 minutes for 46 years. Back before you were allowed to write whatever you wanted and pass it off as truth when it is actually just clickbait.
Gary Shandling. Comedian.
George Kennedy. Actor. Best known for his Oscar winning turn in Cool Hand Luke.
Vanity. Singer. Fronted Vanity six a collaboration with Prince
Abe Vigoda. Actor. Loved for his portrayal of Detective Fish on Barney Miller and also played Tessio in the godfather.

Now things are going to get much more painful.

Prince. musician/artist/singer/otherworldly being. Legend in his own time. Spectacular human being who had everything and died of an opiod overdose which is so heartbreakingly sad.
Merle Haggard. Country Legend. Inductee into the Country Music Hall of Fame.
Joseph Medicine Crow. War Chief. Medicine Crow was the last surviving war chief of Montana’s Crow Tribe. Lectured extensively on the battle of Little Bighorn.
Nancy Reagan. Actress, first lady of California and then the United States. Married to Ronald Reagan.
Maurice White. Musician. Founder of Earth Wind and Fire. Nominated for 21 grammy’s. Won seven. Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Glenn Frey. Musician. Founding member of and guitarist for the Eagles. Sang lead on several songs. So even with global warming it is doubtful hell will be freezing over again anytime soon.
Dan Haggerty-actor. Best known for Grizzly Adams. I can’t believe Grizzly Adams fucking died.
Alan Rickman. Wizard. For this one alone 2016 should be drawn and quartered. Severus Snape will forever be remembered by any Harry Potter fan or anyone who knows any Harry Potter fan. Yeah he did a bunch of other stuff, but really after Severus Snape nobody cares.
David Bowie. Alien rock god chameleon. My heart hurts just typing that David Bowie is dead. He died like he lived, with as little fanfare as he could muster.
Leonard Cohen. Hallelujah. Nothing else needs to be said.
Dale Buffin Griffin. Drummer and founding member of Mott the Hoople.
George Michael. Singer. Hi boyfriend went to wake him up but he was gone, gone.
Lemmy Killmister. Singer/founder Moterhead and general badass. The Ace of Spades will forever be one of my favorite 20 songs of all time.
Carrie Fisher. Princess- The disturbance in the force is great right now.
Debbie Reynolds. Mother of carrie fisher. Died of a stroke brought on by a broken heart.

There are of course many more that are not on this list because I am just tired of writing about the death of my youth. So, moving on.

Please ponder this.  We lost all of these wonderful talented people this year and yet Trump, the Kardashians and Kanye are still alive.  What in the actual fuck is going on here?

2016 also brought us Zika, no doubt invented by some drug company that will cure it for a thousand dollars a pill in the near future. Then there were the natural disasters; Hurricane Matthew, The California Wildfires, The Jerusalem Wildfires, The Italian Earthquake, The Alberta Wildfire, Flooding in Peshawar Pakistan, The Taiwan Earthquake, Rainfall induced heavy flooding in France, Flooding in Louisiana, magnitude 7 earthquake in India, flooded everything in Xianogan China, Typhoon Nepartak fujian province, china.

We also had an unuasually high amount of unatural disasters. (not Trump, I’ll get to him in a minute) Mass shootings, a crazed knife wielding fuckwad, bombings, a neverending war in Syria, a bunch of beheaded people because religion is such a peaceful loving thing, drug cartels still going at it (fucking Juarez might as well be iraq) and some crazy president (no not yours) decided to take the war on drugs to a whole nother level and started dropping suspected dealers out of helicopters.

Still think there is hope for humanity? You won’t soon. Next up we have the millenials. The generation that thinks that everone gets a medal for participating and that keeping score is just mean and they need trigger warnings and safe places in school. BARF. They also expect to do as little work as possible and then land themselves a 80000 a year job and get promoted every two years because you don’t have to be a winner to win anymore. Trophies for everyone. Woohoo, look what people have created.

Now lets get to the orange cherry on the top of the shit sundae that is 2016. Donald Jesus Fucking Christ how did this happen Trump. My best hypothesis thus far is that some kind of hallucinogenic gas was released over all the polling stations.

I knew, I expect everyone did that racism, misogyny, xenophobia and theolism existed. But my fucking god, now it’s okay to just do and say whatever you want to whoever you want? That was rhetorical because it fucking isn’t!   Go on You tube for an hour and see if you can make it without throwing up. I watched some grizzled old broad flip the fuck out because two women were in line speaking Spanish. She started with the fact that they didn’t speak American, whatever the fuck that is.  I thought you all spoke English. The did by the way speak English, but since it is a second language Spanish was easier for them.  Next, the mean and very vocal old buzzard moved on  to the fact that THEY are stealing your jobs, asked to see their green cards, and told the whole store they were probably on welfare and living off of all of you. So are they stealing jobs or living on welfare. Probably both right because that is just how those people are. It makes me fucking sick and ashamed for you. Every Muslim is suddenly a terrorist, every Sikh is suddenly a  Muslim, every African American is a beast just waiting to explode and rape and kill all you poor helpless white folks.  Mexicans are just flat out bad hombres and it is now once again okay to make fun of the differently abled, fat people, women, and I have seen the word Faggot thrown around so much lately it is giving me a fucking headache.

Just for a little more proof that you all just elected Satan rolled in cheeto dust, the white supremisist groups are already up in arms and ready to flip the fuck out if Donald Duck doesn’t keep his campaign promises. He is really doing a stellar job thus far. Drain the swamp. pffffft. All he did was add aligators and pythons.

I have 3 spare bedrooms at my house, 4 if somebody wants to convert the basement, first come first serve because you all are headed for a civil war unless of course he just blows the planet the fuck up. He can’t take twitter criticism, what is he going to do when a country says mine is bigger than yours. He’s goimg to launch, and then he is going to go hide in his lead lined bunker till the radiation goes to an acceptable level and then he can emerge as king of the fucking world because he will be all that is left. Actually Keith Richards, Ozzy Osborne and myself will probably also still be alive. I figture Keith can get him to overdose in under three hours. If not, Ozzy can probably scare the old fucker into a heart attack so that makes me once again Queen of all I survey.

That’s it for tonight

RBMD peacing the fuck out.

 


Everybody Needs To Calm The Fuck Down

November 10, 2016

Your Dean of Fuckery/sarcasm expert/Law Professor/pretend judge/Dr. of doctoring/DVM/puppy resuscitation expert/ and Queen of all I survey needs to talk to her loyal subjects.

I know that many of you are unhappy about the outcome of the election…except for Eunice who is thrilled. Unfortunately this is how democracy works and everyone’s job now is to accept it with grace and start to figure out what the fuck went wrong and get ready to fix it in 4 years.

I hate the very idea of Donald Trump in case any of you missed it. I hate what he is, I hate what he represents as a human being and I hate the fact that nobody seemed to be able to see that he is as entitled a fucker as anyone else that has run for office. I don’t blame the people though. I blame the DNC. I blame them because truly, Bernie Sanders was a much better choice for candidate and had he been nominated he would have won. Unfortunately as we have come to find out, the DNC decided that Hillary was a better bet and put their money on the wrong horse.

Neither candidate was a good choice. I would have preferred to see you elect someone who isn’t so blatant about his racism/xenophobia/hatred for women, but it is what it is.

Protesting, rioting in the streets, etc. is going to accomplish nothing and quite frankly it brings everyone down to the level that I would have expected from his camp had the win been reversed.

I still think you are pretty much fucked. However, I think it is only fair that since he has won the election that he is given a chance to prove what kind of President he will be.

I have concerns that the “outsider” has already surrounded himself with so many insiders and so very many right wing nutters. There is right wing and then there are people like Mike Pence and the ex goblin king of New York. Still, we all have to wait and see. Freaking the fuck out is going to do nothing but drive you all to Xanax and hug therapy.

I am still very scared, as are most Canadians because what happens to you effects us.

So let the Trump supporters gloat. Let the Trump supporters that are actual normal people be. I know some and they are perfectly nice people. Not everyone who voted for him is a cross burning asshole.

To all the women in the States, I am really sorry about all the shit that is about to happen to you. To all the Latino’s that are not rapist murdering drug dealing bad hombres (which is like probably 99%) I’m sorry for the harassment you are about to face. To the Muslims that just want to live in peace I don’t even know what to say because sorry just doesn’t cut it and to everyone else, just live your life to the best of your ability until we see what is going to happen. Remember, Trump has a court case to attend to before he is ever sworn in, there is always impeachment if it comes down to it and truly, I think you are better off with him running the shit then Pence running it. Unless you want to go back to the stone age. Then Pence is just the guy.

It is okay to be scared, it isn’t okay to let it take over.

As always from Canada, much love to you all
RBMD peacing the fuck out.


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musings of a dangerous mind

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Asleep in Left Field-My Life

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(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

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sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us

Behind The Words... With Kim

Examining the minds and actions of female killers

Varmt News Network

It's the Internet.

Just Da Truth!

musings of a dangerous mind

peskyvarmt

Just another WordPress.com site

Asleep in Left Field-My Life

4 out of 5 Friends recommend this WordPress.com site

Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

CALLS FOR JUSTICE

sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us