Hello my lovelies. Your Dean of fuckery, doctor of doctoring, horse whisperer, honorary DVM, pretend judge, writer of enviable amicus briefs, dog lactation consultant, purveyor of written motions that should be allowed in court because mine are way more fun, author of the big book of words and Queen of all I survey is not amused. I had this post more than three quarters of the way written. I saved it, left to go check a couple of facts, came back and guess what? I’ll wait…THE ENTIRE FUCKING BLOG WAS GONE. Seriously, this is like the third time this has happened to different posts. Remember back to the stabby one I lost four times? Word Press seriously needs to deal with some shit because I discovered something else about WordPress the other day which I will talk about later. It takes me a lot of hours to write these blogs and when I know I saved it and then it is just gone really pisses me off.
Anyway, enough bitching about that for now, on with the show.
When we last left the shit show Brian Murtagh had been accidentally stabbed during a courtroom display in which he and Jim Blackburn were trying to show that the perfectly cylindrical holes in the pyjama top would not have been possible if the top had been wrapped around MacFuckhead’s hands and being used as a shield as he had sworn too since the beginning of the most unbelievable story ever told took shape. Not only did the pyjama end up with ragged tears, Brian ended up stabbed, another thing that had never happened to Jeffy. Not one single defensive wound on his fingers, hands or forearms. Not so much as a scratch, while Brian had received a fairly significant wound during a relatively controlled experiment for the jury. It spoke volumes and the jury did not miss it.
The people were winding up their case. Paul Stombaugh was now up on the stand and he explained the blood evidence to the jury. It was damning evidence. And it came as close as anybody ever would to explaining the movements inside of castle drive that evening. The Jury paid rapt attention. With the conclusion of Stombaughs testimony the people rested and court was adjourned for the day.
Bernard had managed to locate a woman by the name of Helena Stokely, or what was left of her after one too many dances with the magic dragon. She was a complete burnout, but she was a hippie, she had been known to wear a blonde wig on occasion and she was in the vicinity of castle drive the evening of the murders. Hey, one hippie was better than no hippies and this one was possibly malleable enough to be convinced to testify that she had been inside the residence. He brought her in for a deposition and she told him she was aware of the murders (as was everyone else on the planet pretty much) and that she knew where the Macfuckoffanddie residence was. She said a friend of hers had showed it to her one day bitching that the doctor that lived there wouldn’t give him any methadone. Macfamilyanihilator was kind of a you got yourself in you get yourself out kind of guy when it came to drugs apparently. Pretty hypocritical for somebody that was taking enough amphetamines that he was worried about how fast it would clear his system. Bernie hammered her saying she didn’t have to say she did anything but hold a candle but she needed to admit she was there. Not only was she adamant that she was not present when Siegal threw the crime scene photos in front of her face she told him there was no way somebody on acid did that. Her next sentence as recorded by Joe McGinnis well before he ever found the notes on the speed were, “maybe somebody on speed, did they check him for drugs.” Now she could have probably been sworn as an expert witness on drugs so that was a pretty telling thing to say. Bernie wisely decided not to call her as a witness.
Bernie decided it was time to start prepping Jeffy for his testimony. Jeffy was slightly agitated. He had not been thrilled with the jury he had paid an expert to help seat, and he felt he was being challenged when Bernie told him he planned on showing the jury a family, not just a bunch of crime scene photos but he wanted them to feel a living breathing family. Jeffy asked Bernie if he was saying he had to convince the jury he was innocent. Bernie tried to stem the volcano that was about to erupt by telling Jeffy that he thought they could rest now and win, but he didn’t want to take the chance of one hold-out juror making them do it all again. At this point Jeffy amped up a little and began spiking questions about which juror Bernie thought it would be, the beady eyed one, the one that keeps looking at him like the juror is the grand dragon of the KKK and Jeff was a black guy dating his daughter. Bernie tried another tack, telling him he understood he was angry but to take it easy on attacking the army and probably muttering under his breath that his big mouth is what had got him into this in the first place. Jeff became sarcastic. Bernie got made and made the error of reminding Jeffy that this is exactly how Woerheide had gotten under his skin at the grand jury. Jeffy flipped his shit and in front of his entire legal team he started screaming at Bernie to never mention Victor Woerheide. He’s a Nazi, He’s a goddamn Nazi he screamed at everybody before he realized this probably didn’t look good. He got himself under control and took a deep breath before turning to face Bernie. Okay he said calmly I will take everything you have said under advisement. (read: I’m totally gonna ignore you and do whatever I want anyway because I’m smarter than they are). I have some advice for you. That pony I bought the girls that one Christmas that every single person who has testified has talked about? ” Take it easy on the pony Bernie, after all the character witnesses, if the jury hears about that pony one more time they are gonna puke.” Spoiler alert, they didn’t puke.
Jeffy showed nothing but contempt when he was crossed by Jim Blackburn and his contempt was very noticeable to everyone, especially the jury. His pure, unadulterated hatred of Brian Murtagh was also pretty clear.
Fun fact, Jeff MacDonald could not work up a tear during the entire trial even while looking at the beat and stabbed to death pictures of his children.
It took the jurors only a little over 7 hours to come back with a verdict. Guilty of second degree murder for Colette and Kimmie, and first degree for Kristen because the theory put forth by the prosecution that it was possible Colette had been an accident and Kimmie had been collateral damage, but Kristen had been killed on purpose to support his alibi was believed by the jury.
Here is what I believe. Colette and he got into an argument about something, likely the parade of women that Colette was aware of and not being stupid she probably put it together that there was no boxing trip to Russia. At some point I believe she whacked him one with the hairbrush. Overtired from the speed, being on speed, being sick of the wife and kids and fury that she would deign to actually hit him, Jeffy lost his shit and likely punched her square in the face. Her nose and mouth were busted opened and while that could have come from the club later, I think he punched her. The bent Geneva forge knife was in the bedroom being used as a paint scraper and I think Colette probably grabbed it to try and protect herself and that is when things went sideways. He grabbed the piece of timber, hit her with it and that is when kimmie came in to see what al the screaming was from. I think he caught her with a backswing because he didn’t know she was standing there and he killed her. And that is when he knew he was either going to jail forever and ever or he was going to have to make up a story and hope that the army bought it. Unfortunately for those that may have still been saved, he went with option two. He put Kimmie back where she was supposed to be, he went and killed Kristen, he made sure Colette was good and dead and then he stabbed himself and called for help. Had he not felt the need to start a media tour on how stupid the army was he probably would have gotten away with it. It was his own hubris that got the case reopened. Freddy was the one who sealed the deal, but it was his own statements that started the ball rolling.
So that’s it, other than the leftovers. He has appealed a staggering number of times. They are all available to view online. He has married a bridge troll named Kathryn. They managed to steal most of the money Perry left to Jay “because Jay couldn’t handle money.” He sued Joe McGinnis and they settled. He ended up making way less money than he would have if he had let McGinnis alone. I find that tidbit absolutely delicious.
That’s it kids. The horrible tale of a green beret who should have never ever been married. God help his wife if he ever gets out of prison.
Next up, until I find something current to amuse us all with is going to be Robert Oakley Marshall, who had his wife killed.
RBMD peacing the fuck out.