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Her Majesty Queen Kelly Of The New Town She Lives In And The Case Of The Haunted Pig Barn.

October 30, 2018

Hello my lovelies, your queen has finally calmed herself enough to tell you about the apparently haunted barn that I work in.

Now, your Queen is not prone to hysterics of any kind and I have a cold hard rock for a heart so things just do not frighten me.  It irks people that I am so unflappable.  I have walked down to the barn in the pitch black to check to make sure I did something, I pay zero attention to the weird noises that just randomly sound from  out of no where.  When the mice come calling, I catch them and let them go.  I certainly don’t jump up on a desk and scream.  I’m talking to you Carey.

So yesterday I went into the barn as per usual and walked into a laundry room underneath two feet of water.  So I sloshed through it to get my barn boots and discovered that there was also a puddle of water directly in the middle of my office.  This was decidedly strange because it was just there.  There was no leak line from under the wall, no water trail, just a puddle in the middle of the office.

So, not being a hysterical person I took a picture and cleaned it up which took the better part of two hours, that is how much water there was.  I assumed the washing machine had come unlocked somehow and that is how the water got there.  I had a load in when I left the barn the night before.  I cursed myself resoundingly for leaving a load of laundry going when I left and left it at that.  My stupidity.  I finished my days work, checked to make sure there was no laundry going and went inside for the night.  I had had a long day and didn’t go out and check the barn that night and hind sight being 20/20 I should have.

I walked in this morning to a worse mess than I had on Monday and I was furious.  It is so much wasted time to have to clean it up.  It was exactly the same.  And I was PISSED.  I’m like “seriously, what the actual fuck.” We are talking about enough water for two hours at least worth of work, never mind all the shit that got we or ruined or both.  I texted the boss of all bosses to apprise him of the situation and carried on about my day the whole time turning over an over in my head how this was happening.  The answer was obvious.  Ghosts.  Ghosts were fucking with me.  I figured I was setting a bad example as a queen if I didn’t at least try and catch the fucking thing. So I did all my regular work for the day and proceeded to wait for senor Ghost to make an appearance.  So I double checked that the machine was empty and I closed the door and made sure it was closed.  I waited, I did paperwork and watched some law and order off of my thumb drive while waiting.  In hindsight once I caught it I would have probably have been truly fucked.  Ghosts are mostly not friendly from what I hear.

Then when I was just about to give up, I heard it.  The washing machine which is a front loader by the way clicked and the door opened and about 5 gallons of water spilled out with no end in sight.  I immediately turned all the water to the machine off, and cursing resoundingly yet again I got the fucking mop.  I told that washer where exactly I was going to stick that broom if it didn’t knock it off and I told the laundry demon to depart right now or he was getting the other end of the mop.

So it would seem that the check valve that lets water in when you are doing laundry has gone tits up and it just lets water in whether the machine is doing a load of laundry or not.  So, I asked the machine politely if it would like to be crushed and turned into a waffle iron and told the demon I had no problem turning him into one as well.  After that I turned off all the water and waited some more.  After an hour I decided that the washing machine demon had departed.  It is probably living in my toaster now.  I will find out next time I make toast.  If I get devil faces I guess I know where it went.

In some actual real news, Robert Durst is going to have to stand trial for the murder of his friend and hopefully for his wife as well although she was not mentioned  in the news that I watched.  That trial I am going to cover for two reasons.  Firstly, this woman deserves some justice and Secondly because Robert Durst is completely off of his nut and I love crazy people trials.

That’s it for tonight

RBMD peacing the fuck out

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Cat Bites Really Big Mean Dog.

April 28, 2016

Hello my lovelies. It is me, your Dean of Fuckery/Law Professor/resident sarcasm expert/honorary DVM/and Queen of all I survey. I have a bunch of stuff to talk about and then we shall get to the title of today’s post.

Firstly, has America collectively lost its mind? I think so. Exhibit everything: Donald Trump. I listened to him go on and on about his plans to blow the middle east back to the stone age last night and how he planned on making China the greatest financial power in the world and how he was putting a metaphorical wall around America and my prevailing thought was “good luck with that.” Unfortunately it was quickly followed by “Holy fuck, we are an attached land mass and when he starts world war III, and he will, we may be somewhat fucked.” Why do more people not realize that Donald Trump is a Whackadoo? My only comfort is that when some country he is bombing releases some weird biological weapon I might finally get my zombie apocalypse. I am prepared. And looking forward to putting something metal into the brains of several undead people. I think my invisible psychiatrist would agree it would be good therapy. As a bonus you can’t murder something that is already dead, not that there will be anyone to worry about it. I plan on taking over the local jail as my first safe house.

Here in Canada Senator Mike Duffy was acquitted of using tax dollars improperly, the parents of a child that died of meningitis were convicted for not seeking medical attention and they are pretty pissed off about it the poor muffins. I am pretty pissed off another child died because there aren’t mandatory licensing requirements to have a child. The trial for the Murder of Tim Bosma continues and this week we learned that General sick fuck Millard asked his ex to tamper with a witness. Private sick fucks ex has also given testimony against him regarding the livestock incinerator that Tim was burned in among other charming things. I’m guessing since at least private sick fucks ex girlfriend is an accessory after the fact she made herself a deal although I haven’t heard one way or the other. Jian Ghomeshi part two, the next complainant is coming to a courtroom near some of us right shortly and in Edmonton 22 schools were put on lockdown because someone reported a man with a gun in his townhouse. IN HIS OWN TOWNHOUSE. Police located the man about 2 and a half hours later but never did locate any guns. 22 schools worth of freaked out kids and parents because  a man might have been seen in his own house with a gun. Thanks America.

Now to the title. So I came across a very pregnant feral cat. Since I cannot stand the suffering of animals I went and got her some food and was going to try and catch her so she could have her babies inside the garage and I could find them homes. I never got the chance however cuz bitch went all psycho kitty on me and bit me before I ever realized what had happened. she then ate the food and promptly fucked off for parts unknown. Since she had sunk her fangs in right down to the bone in at least one spot I figured I better go get some antibiotics at the hospital. I got triaged and the nurse asked on a scale of one to ten what was my pain level and I said negative 62 because it didn’t hurt at all, I figured no big deal.  She laughed like a hyena and said nobody had ever given her negative pain number before.  I laughed back and told her to look up my file and she’d understand.   I knew because it was a cat I needed antibiotics and probably rabies shots. The nurse that took me back said I would need them but the doctor who either thinks he is really funny, or just didn’t know how to tell me I had to have rabies shots said he had to go look it up. He called the health unit and that is when a stupid cat bite turned into a thing. He came back and said I did indeed need rabies shots which I find absolutely hilarious; I mean how many times have I been accused of having rabies? It is completely hysterical. Anyway the health unit called me this morning but then passed me off to the health unit where my doctors office is because my doctor has to give me the shots. Which sucks but is still seriously funny. They made me an appointment for Monday but then I got a panicked phone call 20 minutes later saying I couldn’t wait till Monday and I have to go tomorrow. Tomorrow is day zero, or day fuck my life depending on how you look at it. Five vials of immunoglobulin at the site of the bite which is directly at the base of my first finger and the meat of the pad underneath.  For those of you that don’t know I am seriously needle phobic and needles in the hand suck serious amounts of ass.  Monday I go back for my first dose of rabies vaccine, then Friday for my second dose, then the following Friday for dose three and then the 28th for my last shot. And then I can get bit by whatever I want because I am rabies immune for life. YAY. So the Really Big Mean Dog is finally getting her rabies shots. OMGLOLROFLMAO.

That’s it for tonight lovelies, I will keep you apprised as to whether I get put into 10 day quarantine or not. *snort*

RBMD peacing the fuck out.


Depression Is Fucking Depressing

March 23, 2016

Hi everybody.  Since by now some of you probably think I died, I thought | better drag my ass over to the computer and write something.

I have not been writing simply because right now I’m not funny, not “up”, not amusing.  I have had a major setback mentally which I won’t get into other than to say it happened and I am trying with the help of my invisible psychiatrist to deal with it.

I truly feel totally alone right now and sometimes fervently desire to go to sleep and not wake up.  And then I think of my son and my dogs and decide that is really a shitty thing to think and then I feel guilty for having such a selfish thought.

I also feel like I have somehow let the lot of you down as well as myself even though I cannot help the way I feel.  I just do not feel anything but all encompassing blackness right now.

I am working on it, and I will be back as soon as I am able to be my affable self again.  I’m so sorry for any emails I have not returned or thank you not given.   I just don’t have the energy, I can’t concentrate and I sleep while bug is at school.

I’d say I’m not having a pity party, but I suppose I kind of am so there is that.  Hopefully the meds start to work soon and I will be back.

I miss you all, but I am no good to anyone at the moment.

RBMD


So, What Is Your Pleasure?

January 21, 2016

We have some trials that have just started and some just about to start.  The carnation trial, Dahlia Dipolito’s retrial (the one who tried to whack her husband and then said they were just making it up for a reality tv idea) and the Vancallis Trial started a couple of days ago and that one has a very no nonsense and very cantankerous judge.

What is your pleasure my lovelies? One of the above or something different. Let me know so that I can get on it.

RBMD Peacing the fuck out..

 


The Victim’s Name Is Colleen Ritzer

October 18, 2015

Colleen Ritzer was born May 13 1989 in Massachusetts.  She was murdered by yet another entitled sick fuck piece of shit by the name of Philip Chism.  She was ripped from the world on October 23rd 2013.  She was whole years old.  Thankfully, the powers that be, due to the heinous nature of the murder have decided that jism will be tried as an adult.  Yeah I typo’d and it stays.

Naturally Jism has so far blamed Colleen for her own murder, stated that he didn’t do it, said he was coerced, confessed, had the confession tossed, was slated for opening arguments on the 20th of this month but now his wonderful flock of fucktard attorneys are going to throw the hail mary he is insane defense at the wall and see if it sticks.

Jism isn’t nuts, he’s just another garden variety psychopath basking in his 15 minutes of fame.  Bask away you piece of shit, prison is forever and the boys are going to just love you.

We now have a three week delay while the DA and defense throw some psychiatrists at each other to decide whether our precious little snowflake can aid in his own defense.

Just to recap, Jism stabbed his teacher16 times in the throat with a boxcutter, raped her at least twice, assaulted her with a stick and was found with her bloody credit cards and panties.

I already hate this piece of shit and I’m just getting started.  Can’t wait for trial.

Tomorrow we will be having a really big mean dog school of law class on insanity as a last resort.

Till then…RBMD peacing the fuck out


We Are Back In Business

October 17, 2015

I uninstalled and reinstalled and everything seems to be working peachy keen, so we are back in business for the Chism Trial.  Just for the record, Philip Chism is a piece of shit, he is being tried as an adult and I hope that the sentence if that somebody rapes him and then shoves something large up his ass just for good measure.

His confession has been tossed, his lawyer is a tool and it’s going to be a hell of a trial.  Opening statements start October 20th tentatively.

I will keep you posted daily as per usual during trials.

RBMD peacing the fuck out!


Computer Problems

October 13, 2015

Some driver is going in my computer so I am only getting extremely sporadic connection right now. Not ignoring comments, but I won’t be able to answer them all and don’t want anyone to think I was ignoring them. Hopefully will be fixed soon. Love you all.
RBMD


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Asleep in Left Field-My Life

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Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

CALLS FOR JUSTICE

sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us

Varmt News Network

It's the Internet.

peskyvarmt

Just another WordPress.com site

Asleep in Left Field-My Life

4 out of 5 Friends recommend this WordPress.com site

Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

CALLS FOR JUSTICE

sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us