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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- Garbage In Garbage Out Edition (thank you Jeffrey Gold)

December 16, 2014

 

If I lose this post again I’m just not fucking posting it- Arizona

Hai everybody. So, I just wrote and lost this blog. TWICE. We are having brown outs and for whatever reason my computer is not saving anygoddamnthing at the moment. I am not amused. But, I am dedicated if nothing else so I will try this one more time.

I have to give Nurmi some credit because he has pulled off a brilliant tactical move. He won’t say whether Stabby will or won’t continue to testify until he hears from the COA so Juan can’t make a motion to have her testimony stricken if she decides not to testify. And he did it just before he brought out the defenses next idiot for Hire Dr. Gefner. Otherwise known as the human ventriloquist dummy. Dr. Geffner of water spilling fame from the first trial. So whatever she said is still in the Jury’s minds, can’t be stricken and now we have some paid doofus to further pound whatever it was into their heads.

Jenny From the Cell Block is up on Direct and we are once again going through the entire life and times of Dr. Geffner. For those of you who missed the first time around, this is what happened: Harpo, who dis man is, Arizona

If foghorn Leghorn and General Custer had a kid, it would be the dude on the let’s try and make all these nice people think these are not the droids they are looking for sur-rebuttal train. Aerosmith was present for a scathing rendition of “Train Kept Rollin’ which had the entire gallery on its feet. The vet waited patiently as Conductor Stephens kept the minions shoveling coal and the train picked up speed. Jenny from the Cell Block took a stab (yes, I said it and it stays) at something new today. Boring the jury into submission just so they could get the hell out of there. We spent an entire day talking about the Foghorn leghorn Jedi Masters credentials. Where he went to school, how long he went to school, who he banged at school, how many bong hits he took at school, his favorite cafeteria food at school. The fact that he NEVER talked about Stabby, or read a police report only came up when he stared straight into the gallery and did that Jedi thing with his hands and said “None of those facts are relevant” The only time we were actually sure he was alive was when he got onto the subject of Janeen DeMarte and her Diagnosis of BPD. With a totally straight face he told Jenny from the cell block that he’s right, Janeen is wrong neener neener. It was a breathtaking display of testimony.

Alfred E. Nurmi spent a good deal of the day looking like he paid the vet to shoot a dart into his ass and Stabby stared at the jury like the death eater that she secretly is. All we need now is he who shall not be named, Harry Potter and a wand dual and the circle of life will be complete.

Jenny from the Cell Block is going to lose points in the beauty part of the pageant of the insane due to the ever growing bald spot on her head. Good thing she has all that poise and charm or she’d be out already.

Geffner actually managed to keep a straight face as he told the jury he determined Stabby didn’t lie or distort her answers on Dr. Demarte’s psychological tests. He also said the tests did not indicate an aggressive, hostile, or violent personality, but rather a crushed flower in the throes of PTSD. The sympathy vote missed the whole thing as she snored through the testimony.

Geffner decided court would be a great place to practice his standup routine. This expert witness with eighthundredmillion years worth of experience couldn’t operate the touch screen computer and managed to spill water all over himself, the witness stand, the floor, the vet and conductor Stephens a couple of times.

The highlight of the entire routine however was when Geffner, who has a familiarity with brains, you know like I have a familiarity with nuclear fusion, was asked to use his zero experience with autopsies to refute Medical Examiner Horne’s testimony about the gunshot coming last. The psychologist/standup comedian testified that in his inexperienced and totally untrained opinion, Travis could have turned into a zombie and totally continued to walk and stuff. Then he took another bong hit and braced while the dog handler put the attack suit on him before they turned Juan loose.

Somebody had some extra raw steak at lunch because a completely foaming at the mouth Juan fairly leapt out of his chair and charged the obviously terrified Geffner. He immediately crushed his non-existent credibility by informing the gallery that dudes testimony had been tossed as having absolutely no merit at several other trials where he’d been a witness. Mortimer Snerd just smiled and giggled in what seemed to be an attempt to keep the obviously rabid pit-bull at bay.

Juan then to the surprise of absolutely no one anywhere, proceeded to lay the smack down of all smack downs on the ventriloquist dummy sitting on the stand about Mortimers absolutely no validity, uniformed thoughts on Travis’ gunshot wound. The smell of brimstone started to permeate the air and we all wondered for a moment if Jenny would be called back from whence she came due to her stunning FAIL at ever calling this witness.

That was last time. Time has to be better right. He’s had practice now. He knows what to do. You would think that but no it was pretty much exactly the same.  Juan has already had to have two darts put into him because he got the illustrious Psychologist’s notes from the university of Malingering (thank you Stabby’s Pencil) for fun and profit at just past 11pm last night.  Geffner the human ventriloquist dummy is expected to be on the stand all week (oh goody) and Juan needs at least two days to interview him.  This time around Mortimer Snerd isn’t just going to talk about his interviews with Stabbykins he is also going to talk about every other experts interview with her which doesn’t sound quite right to me. Remind me to check on that.  He already has the Dr. Samuels I love you Stabbykins look on his face so she has obviously been communing with Satan again.  Since she doesn’t have a soul maybe she just traded him for some anal and a blowie?

Going over the MMPI2 that diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder and instead of arguing this time he is likely to agree, because agreeing means she has a mental problem and somebody on the Jury might go for that.

Stabby apparently reported lots of symptoms of trauma probably largely in part to things like killing a guy and then telling a bunch of bullshit that nobody believed and then being incarcerated. I’d be a little traumatized too.

The Jedi Master is now going over Stabby’s rather high score on Stabby being a psychopath. Bet they didn’t pay him to say that shit.  I got 5 that says that was said accidentally.  She also has major sexual issues to which the entire planet collectively said “No. Really?”

Since pretty much every time Stabby opens her mouth it is either self serving or an outright lie I would say most of what Geffner has to say is useless because if he hasn’t noticed she LIES.

He actually called the PTSD that she has from butchering a man a mitigating factor.  I shit you not he really honest to god said that.  He has however so far managed to not spill anything on himself so he is at least doing better that way.  Just as an aside the Jury isn’t taking any notes on the Psych testimony so whatever her super secret testimony was, it looks like they don’t really give a shit.

Mortimer Snerd admitted on the record that nobody knows what the fuck is going on in that psychotic little head of hers, it’s all just a guess.  ON THE RECORD.

That is it for today kids, but just think we have a whole week of this to look forward too.  Juan shredded him last time, I hope he brought the attack suit.

Have a great night. RBMD peacing the fuck out.

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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- The Erotic Bomb Edition

December 3, 2014

 

I know you are but what am I? -Arizona

Hai Kids. Hope tonights blog finds everyone well. I DEFINITELY hit a nerve with the last blog, because the mean comments came in fast a furiously. I refuse to post them (for now, I am saving them for a special edition along the lines of Mean Tweets with Jimmy Kimmel) but I won’t give them the satisfaction of seeing them on my blog right now. I guess they don’t know that I have moderation rights. If you don’t agree with something you can say so, just don’t say things like you want to fill me full of your body fluids or things like that. I am a rape survivor and things like that even if I wasn’t are just beneath anyone that wants to hang on to the title of human. Also, just because you brought my IQ into question, it was tested by my psychiatrist and it went off the scale.  Just sayin’.  I have an exceedingly thick skin and most of it I just find hilarious. Hilarious that I am getting so deeply under the skin of the Stabbyites. It fills me full of glee. I have also not been feeling my best for the last 5 days or so, so please bear with me if there are nights I do not blog. I am tired all of the time. I think I may be coming down with a cold or the flu and I feel quite unwell truth be told. I will do my very best, but until the surgery is over I have to consider my health.

We will get into the testimony of yesterday in a moment, but I wanted to bring something to everyone’s attention. Kirk Nurmi has been absolutely adamant that it is us, all of us on social medias well as journalists that are derailing this trial. He brings it up at minimum once a day. While there may be some validity to the way this trial has been sensationalized it does not in any way change the fact that Stabby killed a man by inflicting 27 stab wounds, slashed his throat deep enough to sever his trachea and shot him in the face.  That and the fact that Stabby herself was the one that courted the media leaves me with nothing to say except shut the fuck up already Nurms, it’s getting old.   That said, if he really believes that it is social media that is the problem, why is it that Cha Cha Delarosa, Mitigation specialist/dance instructor is one of the loudest, angriest voices on social media. I have reams of tweets that were written by her. She is constantly attacking anyone who hasn’t sipped the Kool-aid. Maybe Juan should bring this up in court. Actually, once I am done here I think I will send him off an email. He doesn’t use social media so it might not cross his mind that the entire defense team does. Things to ponder.

Because we all know that I don’t ever do anything without proof I present exhibit A.

Please Take note that in this first Screen Shot Cha Cha makes it perfectly clear that she does indeed work on the case.

ChaCha important

In this second post we see that Cha Cha gets her back up very easily when it is pointed out that a woman waaaaaay past her prime anyway managed to spell out cougarloucious instead of cougarlicious which was the intent.  Apparently Cha Cha has a way overinflated sense of self.  Wait…This is starting to sound vaguely familiar.

chacha1

In post 3 we see that Cha Cha cannot take any type of criticism.

ChaCha3

Post 4 is interesting.

ChaCha4

Post 5 shows that Cha Cha seems to be very thin skinned and combative.

ChaCha6

chacha 5

Post 7 speaks volumes doesn’t it.

chacha7
People that go to Walmart are also on the radar of her ire.  She seems to hate anyone who doesn’t support her views on things.

chacha8

Another seemingly combative tweet.

chacha9

I would love to tell her that we intelligent people are winning but of course as public enemy number 1, I am blocked from her twitter.

chacha10

She really has a thing for the less intelligent doesn’t she?

Now, this is not just some nobody that has no dog in this fight.  This is Stabby’s mitigation specialist who is privy to all kinds of sensitive information regarding the goings on of the trial.  She works for the defense team obviously.  You know, the ones who are on a daily basis bitching about social media and how it is derailing the trial.  Seems to me that Nurmi should maybe get a leash on his Mitigation specialist.  Like yesterday. It’s not people who have no bearing on this case you need to be worried about Alfred E.  It’s the people in your own camp that for whatever reason are also reaching for that 15 minutes of fame and boatloads of that murder money.

So, Stabby and the never ending trial.  As is usual court started late. We finally know why though. It is Stabby’s daily cavity search that some poor bastard has to perform.  Today they found One Whole Brown Sugar Cured Ham, 3 Christmas cd’s, a box of Frosted Flakes, and magazines in a folder marked Legal.   Jenny from the Cell Block arrived lugging to large bags and immediate began talking with Alfred E and ChaCha.

Defense then got up and left the courtroom.  Someone may have yelled free weed and we just didn’t hear it, or someone was offering really gaudy clothing from 1980 and they were trying to stop ChaCha from getting out there. As soon as everyone was back in the courtroom, Sometimes Judge Stephens called everyone up to the bench.  Sidebar is over in record time and Great Nana Dr. Sexpert was once again on the stand for more of the never ending re-direct.

Alfred E doesn’t even get a chance to get the entire first question out of his mouth before a madder than he has ever been in the history of ever Juan has objected and brings us to sidebar number 2.  Sidebar number 2 is over and Alfred E tries again.  Are you here in any way to say Travis was a horrible monstrous person? Dr. Sexpert says no which pretty much throws the pedophile accusations directly out the window.  Stabby must be thrilled.   Nurms keeps going.  Are you hear to say Travis got what he deserved? Juan snarls and exception and we have sidebar number 3.  Back from sidebar Alfred E is trying to have a new exhibit introduced and of course the completely rabid pitbull objects and you guessed it we are now on number 4. Back from sidebar the exhibit is admitted and Nurms asks Great Nana Dr. Sexpert about it.  Over the long weekend the 5 hour rant that was really a two hour conversation has now magically turned into a 6 hour rant. My head hurts already.  BRB gotta take a Tylenol.   Sidebar number 5 is called and the sometimes Judge mercifully calls a 10 minute recess.

After the break that we all wished would last till the old bat died of old age, Nurmi has great Nana Dr. Sexpert start reading text messages.  Dr. Sexpert is using the text messages to turn the 2 hour conversation into a six hour rant.  Juans objections are flying like machine gun bullets as Nurmi gets Great Nana to go over the exact same thing that she has been going over for the last billion days.  If you hear the same lies over and over again they will somehow magically become truths.  Aaaaaand suffering in silence just once again reared its ugly head except now they were both suffering in silence.  Dr. Sexpert says that most children do not call their parents by their first names to which I say “unless even as a kid you don’t think the rules apply to you.”

Dr. Sexpert has now taken it upon herself to become Stabby’s cheerleader and tries to remind the jury of the non existent physical abuse that poor Stabby suffered at the hands of her parents.  For the billionth time she states that she is not there to diagnose or treat anyone while she continues to diagnose EVERYONE.

Juan is back up and the vet took one look and peaced the fuck out.  We have a loose Juan with no dart in him.  This may not turn out well.   Juan is now having Great Nana Dr. Sexpert read some emails that Nurmi must have missed, because he wouldn’t leave out anything that might paint Travis in a good light on purpose…Bwahahahahahahahahahaha

The more into it they get the more defensive Dr. Sexpert is becoming.  She is very confused as to times and what she said and didn’t say and of course she is blaming the state saying that they are misrepresenting her earlier testimony. It is in regards to her statement about the five hour rant that was a 2 hour text conversation that is now a 6 hour rant that she says she never said.  Now she says that it has been taken out of context.   With that the pitbull leaves Dr. Sexpert to pick her entrails up off the floor and try and put them back.  And it’s lunch.

Court has reconvened and the Juror Questions are up.  The first question was “was the sex with Miss Reid the same as the sex with Stabby.  Dr. Sexpert says no, the sex with Stabby was more exploratory.  The  Jury then asks if Chris and Sky Hughes’ opinions could have changed between the time they wrote the email & the death.  Dr. Sexpert conceded that it was likely.  The Jury asks a couple more questions and Alfred E. is back up.

Dr. F explains that  Stabby and Travis’ relationship was “more sexually involved” than Reid’s. You know because Deanna was a nice girl who had problems with sticking food items in her cooch and taking it up the ass on a regular basis.  Dr. Sexpert  calls it an Erotic Bomb.  She then said that Deanna did not want to continue a sexual relationship unless they were going to get married.

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The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law – The “You’re a Dick! No, You’re a Dick!” Hearing

November 22, 2014

Hello Students.  Please stand and face Florida for the singing of the Class anthem.  Now Salute!! Thank you take your seats.  Your Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery has had a very trying day.  There is nothing that I hate more than hearings.  Any kind of hearings.  Ones that have bearing on a case at hand are enough of a pain in the ass never mind the ones we are going to be talking about today where it is nothing more than a pissing contest in order to waste even more time than has already been wasted.

Before we start class, I have some announcements.  We have reached the half way portion of the term.  Congratulations to everyone who has made it this far as well as congratulations to Deb on giving up her sharp instrument fetish as well as to Silly for her stunning knife collection.  We will begin campaigning for who will give the fuckology address at graduation, so get out there and flog for votes.  Oh, and since ultimately it is my decision, I suggest bribes.  Remember what I told you in class before. If opposing council offers you large sums of money and nobody saw it, did it really ever happen?  In the event that your Law Professor needs to take some time off, BlueWhiteRed has agreed to run the class for me while I am away.  You will of course make your Dean of Fuckery proud and make sure to take notes and turn in all assignments on time.  BWR will be fielding all emails, comments, and will no doubt be requesting some guest blogging so please think of some subjects you may want to write about.  This is only if I don’t feel that I can blog while I convalesce.  The doctor assures me that if I am feeling up to it, I can blog from the hospital so we will see.

Take out your tablets, this is something that as lawyers you are unfortunately going to have to deal with on probably more than one occasion.

There are many reasons for hearings to be held.  There could be a problem with a witness.  There could be accusations of Jury tampering, there could be hearing regarding what evidence is admissible or whether an expert witness needs to be qualified.  These are all perfectly valid reasons to hold hearings.  Then of course there are the bullshit hearings that are meant to do nothing more than waste time and try and stall the inevitable a little bit longer.  In this category there is the “I need 127 more months with the evidence because 6 years wasn’t enough” hearing, the “I am offended by the press that I loved long time during the first trial” hearing and when all else fails and both sides want to punch each other directly in the nuts, there is the “you’re a dick! No. You’re a dick!” hearing.  That is the hearing we will be concentrating on today.

The “you’re a dick. No, you’re a dick hearing is basically where opposing council, a court reporter, the judge, depending on who council is a vet with a tranquilizer gun, two or three fake experts, the defendant in all its jingly jangly glory, the representatives of the family of the victim if they so wish and if it is a really good hearing usually a referee and a couple of medics. Once everyone is present the hearing will begin. Except it won’t because defense council will immediately begin telling the sometimes Judge at the hearing that he does not want his client filmed during the hearing. Just as a side note, if you passed contract law and you want to be a defense attorney, you can usually wrangle being paid by the word or word and length of trial. Things to remember when deciding what specialty to go into. Once defense is told to sit on it and spin the hearing can begin.

There will be some vaguely believable reason to have the hearing.  It will usually start with one lawyer calling the other lawyer a big fat liar liar pants on fire.  The insulted party will than usually come back with something like I’m not the liar, you are the liar and your expert is an idiot.  The first lawyer will generally come back with my expert is less of an idiot than your expert because they can make shadow animals in eyeballs to which offended lawyer number one will laugh and say oh yes the Taco Bell dog, I remember it well. He will likely present a visual just to prove he does remember this particular idiot expert. taco bell dog

 

After a bit more back and forth, the inevitable You’re a dick. No, you’re a dick will be given voice and that is when the fun really begins.

If you are dealing with a particularly um……lively attorney, tranquilizer darts 1 and 2 will likely be deployed and everyone will hope they have some effect.  There will generally be back up darts on hand just in case.  Then and only then can the battle of the idiot expert witnesses begin.

The referee will likely position himself between opposing council and near the top corner of where idiot expert number 1 is seated.

Opposing council will each have a go at each idiot expert.  It will quickly become apparent which side each idiot expert is working for.  Every once in a while you will get a bonus and you will have an idiot expert that was formerly and idiot expert in a different area of expertise.  Those are always a good time.  They are ALWAYS the cocky ones.

Lets say we have suddenly missing files on a computer hard drive.  Defense council will say that prosecution council knew about the files and deleted them on purpose.  Prosecution council will deny that this ever occurred.  Prosecutions idiot witness will say that there were ZERO files on the computer.  Defenses idiot expert that has already failed in one discipline will say that that there were 800 billion porn files that were deleted and will then proceed to get into an epic pissing match with the prosecuting attorney.  If you have a prosecuting attorney who needs to be tranquilized prior to being turned loose on witnesses, this is not generally recommended but can be hysterically funny.

First, the attorneys will argue with who asked for the evidence, who had the evidence, who turned on the evidence, how long they turned it on for, whether it was even the correct evidence, if there was even evidence and eventually it will get blamed on some third party who no longer has anything to do with the trial. This attorney will then become offended and they will offer testimony of the it wasn’t me variety. See our second class of the case study of the it wasn’t me defense. It wasn’t me will blame the prosecuting attorney, the prosecuting attorney will blame it wasn’t me and one or more of the idiot experts and if he’s good, like Juan Martinez good he will even get it alluded too that the defendant itself did it onto the record.

In extremely rare circumstances you may get an idiot expert that chooses that particular moment to completely lose their shit and that is when you leave stupid boring hearing and you have a party on your hands. This is also when you get to find out why there is a tranquilizer gun and a referee on hand. For brevities sake we will refer to idiot expert as BN for Big Numpti. BN may take several moments to up his laptop so that it can be projected onto the big screen. The BN will then explain what the current iteration of his area of idiot expertise is. The BN will then go over all the rules of forensics as he understands them. The first rule of forensics is that you don’t talk about forensics………..wait, I may have that mixed up with something else, your Law Professor is very tired. Anyway, BN will then go over the last time the drive with the missing files was turned on (maybe he tells it how hot it is and asks if it wants to see his disc drive or something who the fuck knows) how long it was on for, what it did while it was on, then BN will explain that turning the cpu on and off without an NCASE program in place violates forensics protocols. Then BN will go over of the Trojans and viruses that caused some of the porn files to magically appear and that there were also tons, like 80 bajillion porn files that were manually accessed. (why does manually accessed sound dirty when coupled with the word porn?) This type of Q and A will last for the better part of forever and you will probably fall asleep five or six times during this part of the hearing. It is only when the prosecutor gets up to examine the idiot witness that the fun and games begin.

First BN will say there were 166000 porn files on the hard drive. ONE. HUNDRED. AND. SIXTY. SIX. THOUSAND. this will be your clue that this particular BN is going in. The prosecuting attorney who has already been tranquilized will choose that moment to show the entire room that the dope doesn’t work anymore and snap at the BN “YOU’RE GUESSING RIGHT? YOU DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW.” BN will let us know at this moment that he has for sure gone insane when he refers to the prosecuting attorney BY. HIS. NAME. and fire back that the thing was packed with porn. Phones with missing sim cards may come up, and if the prosecutor is good like I said they will get it insinuated on the record that the defendant did something with the evidence to get rid of it. The BN may try to argue the point and the referee may have to jump in the middle to hold the prosecutor off long enough for another dart to be deployed before he snaps out “YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN THESE PHONES WERE SEIZED WERE YOU?” The prosecuting attorney will be by now foaming at the mouth at being challenged by the BN. It will quite frankly piss him off. If you think the prosecutor is dangerously angry at this point, start placing side bets on what it takes to push him completely over the edge and hope the BN says something like “Your question is irrelevant.” Then hope you bet within the next 60 seconds as the BN says “You don’t understand computers.” that should do the trick in most hearings of this nature.

The prosecuting attorney at this point should make suggestions that BN himself broke the hard drive. The obviously insane BN will have some charming retort like that is just slimy. Twice. The sometimes Judge attending the hearing will at about this point notice that the prosecuting attorney is very close to launching and possibly mauling the BN to death so the hearing will be called for the day and not reconvened for about a month, hopefully giving the veterinarian time to find some new kind of tranquilizer to use at the remainder of the hearing.

There you have it class, the You’re a dick! No. You’re a dick! hearing. Have a lovely evening.

Class dismissed.

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The Never Ending Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- The Psychological Vomit Edition

November 20, 2014

You’re going to need a bigger bucket – Arizona

Hai kids, welcome to yet another edition of the trials and tribulations of Stabby Einstein and the whole entire funky bunch. Todays post is brought to you by Shirley’s House of Pain and Pleasure where their motto is “If you or someone you know has a kink, we can turn it into a mitigating factor for you.”

Since this is just kinda the way we roll now I will provide you with updates before we get into the meat of todays trial.

I am going to live. Sorry PV. I do not need a heart transplant and yes that was apparently a possibility for a while, but the docs have decided that I do not, they can fix what is broken in mine. I have something called Ebsteins Anomoly. I am going to have to have two heart valves replaced which I know sounds really scary, but sounds much less scary than a removal and replacement of my heart. The also have to do some procedure while they are in there to help with the electrical impulses in my heart. Not a pacemaker but along the same idea.

Now that we have that all taken care of, onto todays big bunch of bullshit that is the retrial that will never end.

The day began with Great Nana Dr. Sexpert back on the stand to tell some more of the story that the defense paid her to tell. Dr. Sexpert begins by saying that Travis did not see Stabby as a real person outside of the bedroom. My immediate question was since I don’t see her as a real person now, does that make me a bad person? Today Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is also getting into Travis’ so called vulgarities apparently criticizing Stabby for looking cheap. I think she left the whore part off, cheap whore sounds much more appropriate to me.

Stabby and Jenny From the Cell Block were barely aware there was a trial going on around them they were so busy whispering and giggling with each other.

Dr. Sexpert, who is an expert on the subject because she was likely there when sex was invented and may or may not have gone to pre-school with Jesus is somewhat less than believable when everything that Stabby did was okay and everything that Travis did was deviant sexual behavior. They are paying her $275 per hour to say what they want her to day and after three mind numbing day on the stand where we have learned that the sex expert doesn’t know what Jizz or a fuckbuddy is, is finally getting to the day of the murder.

Juan is objecting to everything Nurmi asks. Great Nana Dr. Sexpert says it was a vicious killing, Horrible and Juan objects to the word horrible. She keeps trying to describe the scene that day and Juan keeps objecting, I’m guessing because she wasn’t there so she has no foundation to describe the scene. Nurmi tries again. Was this murder viscious? Yes. Was it horrible and Juan objects and is sustained again on horrible. Nurmi asks how you go to sex four hours earlier to that and Juan objects and there is a sidebar. Again, just my opinion, but since the she wasn’t there refereeing, there is no foundation for her to answer the question. We sidebar right up till lunchtime. Since everyone is aware that Juan is going to be up on cross at some point in the near future the vet is quietly brought in with extra tranquilizer darts and a case of goodboy treats are deposited on the prosecution table. The vet is looking decidedly nervous since Juan has been on full snarl since trial started this morning.

After lunch Alfred E. says he has just a few more questions. Dr. Sexpert says something happened in that bathroom but she doesn’t know what because she wasn’t there to which the entire planet replied “No. Really?” Nurms tried to wrap everything into a nice tidy this all happened because of abuse bow while a snarling and snapping Juan objected to everything through the muzzle that was about to be removed.

She says that what happened in that bathroom was Psychological vomit. Now there is a catch phrase for an office pamphlet. We specialize in psychological vomit. I know I’d want her for my paid expert. I got some vomit for ya, you crazy old bat. This by the way is Great Nana Dr. Sexpert. great nana Dr. Sexpert 2 She looks a lot more like an expert in mahjong than in deviant sexual behavior.  My lawyer emailed me about 3 hours ago and all it said was HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sex expert. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Flores quickly removed the muzzle and threw himself backwards while the vet aimed and fired. The first dart hit home but we won’t know for a few minutes if it is having the desired effect.

The dart didn’t work. “When her father smacked her across the back of the head and she yelled “FUCK YOU BILL” would you call that suffering in silence like you have been alluding too? Suddenly Great Nana Dr. Sexpert didn’t look quite so comfortable on the stand. Nurmi of course objects to everything. At one point I think he may have objected to his own objection.

Juan asks about a transcript of an interview with Carl. Dr. Sexpert says she never reviewed that transcript. Juan then barked out who is Carl. Dr. Sexpert answered (and I’m not making this up) Stabby’s Father. Once he was done laughing Juan said no, it’s her brother and then he said (you stupid useless bitch) in that tone only other dogs can hear.
Juan is demanding yes or no answers and Dr. Sexpert seems to think she doesn’t have to provide them. I guess she didn’t see what mincemeat LaToilette looked like and it looks like she may be headed in the same direction. He wants to know if she reviewed all the documents and she seems unsure and then he did it. He asked Dr. Sexpert if she was having problems with her memory and I laughed till I almost fell out of my chair.

It has been under 20 minutes and Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is beginning to crack like a walnut. A really, really old walnut. Nurmi of course is trying to do damage control and asked for a sidebar I would assume to let his expert collect herself. Good luck with that Nurms. Your expert is not prepared.

Sidebar is over and it would seem that Dr. Sexpert is anxious to spar with the mighty pit bull. Maybe it was all the talk of sexual deviance that didn’t exist that got Great Nana Dr. Sexperts juices flowing but she was definitely ready to roll around with Juan for a bit and Juan was every bit as ready to make her his bitch. And he proceeded to do just that. Juan asks a question, she tries to dance and it is that moment that sometimes Judge Stephens remembered that she is indeed sometimes a Judge and ordered Dr. Sexpert to answer. The good Doc seemed less than amused that she was not allowed to continue to offer complete dissertations instead of yes or no answers. Stabby was in deep discussions with Jenny from the Cell Block probably telling her she better get a leash on this expert or she was gonna get Stabbied. Juan got her to admit that she flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend and was not the stable slice of happy that Dr. Sexpert was trying to make her out to be.

Juan is now showing Dr. Sexpert a whole shit ton of papers that she has never seen. I’m SHOCKED. They all say that Stabby is a sociopath. Dr. Sexpert had no idea. It was a beautiful moment. She also has no idea at what point Stabby and Travis became a couple. Silly little facts that are maybe kind of important. She finally just agreed to go with 2007. YAY we’ve made progress. Juan actually had to prod her by asking if she watched the 48 hrs program. Dr. Sexpert said yes. Juan said do you recall her saying the date that they started dating? She said she vaguely remembered something like that. Pesky damn details anyway.

Dr. Sexpert didn’t feel that Stabby’s admitted violent streak, you know the one where she kicked holes in walls, smashed mirrors, maybe strangled a cat and disappeared a dog were not important facts to consider after a vicious murder. She outright admitted that Stabby’s anger issues had no bearing on her opinion on the case. (and then Jenny had someone wheel some more money out to Dr. Sexperts car) She said that Travis was the poisonous ingredient in the relationship and Stabby being a violent sociopath had nothing to do with it.

Juan asked if she was a mind reader for trying to answer questions before they are asked. She said she wished which of course is the totally professional thing to say in answer to that question.

Juan jumped slightly forward as another tranquilizer dart was successfully deployed and then continued with his questioning although he did seem to mellow just a little. He wanted to know if she knew the secret. She was rendered speechless. Of course he was referring to the Secret that Stabby adhered to that was in the notes that Dr. Sexpert had obviously not read.

Nurmi had a very bad day objection wise. He got overruled almost every time. Ahhhh, they must have had a lovers quarrel. Dr. Sexpert admits that all the info she went by was provided by the defense because that is who she was hired by.

Juan then put up the text about how she was getting her cooch waxed so it would be nice and smooth and asked Great Nana Dr. Sexpert which one of them instigated that particular email and poor Dr. Sexpert had to concede that it was the totally not seasoned stabbykins.

Court was dismissed till Monday at 9:30 am and we have a hearing about Nurmi’s evidence tampering tomorrow. YAY!! It would be so cool if he conducted the rest of his trial from closed circuit television from a prison cell.

That is it for tonight kids. Have a great night and I will C U 2morrow if I get anything about the hearing.

RBMD Peacing the fuck out.

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The Stabby Arias Never Ending Penalty Phase Retrial – The Lets Keep The Witness Under Direct Forever So Juan Can’t Cross Examine Edition

November 17, 2014

There is not enough Tylenol in the entire world for this shit – Arizona

Hai Kids. Welcome to another edition of the never ending Stabby Einstein penalty phase retrial. The penalty phase that the Convict would like to turn into the I’m getting out of jail by Saturday do-over.

Just before we get to todays foray into the almost insane some of you may have noticed the disclaimer that I have posted on the bottom right hand side of my blog. It is more about the people and entities that are NOT allowed to post my blog than who is. If I have failed to mention you by name or by site than consider yourself allowed to use my blog in whole or in part as long as it is credited to the Really Big Mean Dog Article you have used. This is just more stuff that my lawyer friend said would be pertinent for me to do, makes litigation much easier. So, if I forgot to name you by name and you have been linking my blog or using parts of it or whatever and you have not been expressly forbidden from doing that, please just continue to do what you have been doing all along. People were not listed in order of importance, just who popped into my head at that particular moment and I had to stop naming specific people that were allowed permission because I ran out of room.

Court today started an avalanche of questions in my head, non of which have been answered to any satisfaction even by some of the greatest legal minds that I know. They are doing the exact same head scratch that I am. Questions like how is a paid expert allowed to give an opinion on a seven year old email with no context and without speaking with either of the people the email was between seeing as one of them is dead and the other was not approached. How is that not all just hearsay? How is there any foundation for the email? How is someone does someone who is purported to be an expert in sexual kink not know what a fuck buddy is, or a friend with benefits? Does that not toss the whole sex expert thing directly out the window? How do you get any sense of what is truth and what is a lie from Stabbykins (other than if her mouth is moving she is likely full of shit) when you have spent less than 8 hours with her split between two sessions? How does she spend a day and a half on the stand talking about Chris and sky hughes perceptions of the relationship between Travis and the murdering bitch without ever having an interview with Chris and Sky hughes? A day and a fucking half and never talked to either one of them? Really? I have obviously made some egregious career choices in my life and would now like to become a sexual kink expert. This sunshine filled lollypop of triple dipped psycho is going for $300 per hour. That the Aunty Sue we need more money for appeals and experts and stuff definitely isn’t paying for. You are Arizona. I would have done it for half just so you know. Of course it would have been over Skype, but still. I could have saved you a fortune and done a way better job.

This is Dr. Sexpert. dr sxpert Thank you Jeff Gold. She will now for the duration of the retrial be referred to as Dr. Sexpert.  Also, just as an aside, it’s pretty bad when the kink expert is looking at the defense attorney like she needs an adult.  Just sayin’.

Anyway, we started the day going over emails from Lisa Andrews. Lisa was crazy in love with Travis AKA T-Dogg AKA Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at one point and wanted to marry him. She apparently had a hard time staying away from him once they broke up which proves…what? Travis was kind and funny and attractive and dated people. THE BASTARD!!

Dr. Sexpert started to get into the idea that Travis had a thing for young girls. Juan was up barking lack of foundation (thank god I was starting to think he was sick or had lost his voice or something) and was sustained. Alfred E in his usual “I’m getting paid by the word fashion” began again. Dr. Sexpert got in that Stabby with a bald cooch and braids raised a red flag for her to which I said “why, did Travis hold her down, shave the bitch and braid her hair..OR did she show up that way?” Myself and Jeff Gold seemed to be on the same page because he was as confused as I was as to how this was relevant to anything. Dr. Sexpert also took Ms Jodi’s *BARF,BARF, and BARF* word for it that Travis was pulling it to pics of little boys, never mind that in all these years absolutely ZERO evidence of this has ever been produced and said that was another huge red flag. Because I am nothing if not thorough even if the subject matter is ridiculous and happens to disgust me I did a bunch of research on pedophilia and am now probably on some fucking watch list somewhere. By definition pedophiles have a sexual attraction to children predominantly 11 yrs of age or younger and do not generally cross gender lines. That means that they either like little boys or little girls. Of course as with all things there are those that don’t care, but as a rule, they like boys or they like girls.

Now before we move on to the rest of the paid $300 an hour by the not so great State of Arizona’s witnesses testimony, I have a question for you all. You don’t have to answer out loud if you don’t want to, but answer it in your head and be honest. How many of you were doing sexual things when you were 12, 13, 14 years old. Not forced things, those don’t count, but sexually curious things, be it masturbating, giving someone a handjob, or anything of that nature. With yourself or with someone, doesn’t matter. My point is that at those ages, kids become sexually curious and aware of themselves sexually. Travis was 12 and 13 and 14 at some point. So what are the odds that he might have been playing I will play with yours if you will play with mine with someone around the same age as him and she had an orgasm and that is how he knew what that sounded like? That is a perfectly reasonable and also perfectly normal part of growing up to me. That does not make him a pedophile. I know it’s a gross conversation but somebody had to say it. It is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why that statement ever came out of his mouth. If that was his first experience with a female orgasm it would have been a fond memory and a memory that would have aroused him because he is a man and the wind blowing in the right direction will arouse most of them.

Now, back to Dr. Sexpert. She is officially LaToilette 2.O and has downed the whole gallon of Stabby Kool-Aid. Why oh why would poor Stabby go back to a man she had just allegedly discovered masturbating to pictures he shouldn’t have been, never mind that Napoleon never barked when she came in, never mind that the Christmas decorations she was supposedly there to help him put in the attic were never found, never mind that he decided to masturbate to illegal material in the middle of the day when he knew she was coming and didn’t lock the door, she caught him and it sickened her to the point that she vomited and got a headache. Then she went back to him. According to Dr. Sexpert this would be because she was so blinded by love for him that she could not help herself. (somebody remind me to send Mi’Lady a thank you note for the Pretoria puke bucket) Then she emphatically stated that she was not calling Travis a pedophile, there were just some red flags. She next said that Travis and Stabby were not engaged in any type of unlawful sexual activities which kind of cancels out the red flags she spoke of earlier yeah?

Then she said the most hilariously funny thing I have ever heard in my life. It was put a half can of pop though my nose funny. She said that Travis was the sexually seasoned one and poor wittle Stabbykins was completely unseasoned. This is a woman that could turn at least two aisles in a candy store into sex toys but she was sexually unseasoned. What exactly is Dr. Sexperts standard if this succubus is considered sexually unseasoned by her?

Alfred E. Nurmi was STILL on direct when court was called for the evening and it was announced that due to some magical emergency court would be dark till Thursday. Yup, December 18th is totally going to happen.

Juan apparently has filed a motion for sanctions against Nurms because the hard drive that was provided to the State was one that belonged to some dude name Tony and had nothing to do with the case. He said that Nurmi is obviously trying to stall and he wanted the mirror image of the correct hard drive by noon today, or he wanted Nurmi in front of an ethics committee or facing some jail time. Totally won’t happen, but it goes to show how pissed off Juan is getting.

In totally unrelated news, Charles Manson applied for a marriage license in Kings County today. He is going to marry some chick named Star. Hey, Stabby thinks she’s a star, Manson is marrying a star. Maybe Manson and Stabby are tying the knot. Ewwww, I just gave myself the willies. Christ on a cracker, can you imagine.

So there you have it, a big huge bunch of nothing, much like the rest of the big bunches of nothing that seem to be this entire penalty phase retrial that the defense is trying to turn into a whole new trial. I hate Stabby. I hate this trial. I am starting to hate Arizona. I still love pop tarts.

RBMD peacing the fuck out. Have a great night everybody.

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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Re-Trial – The If You Are Throwing It At A Man They Are Going To Take It Edition

November 14, 2014

Robert Louis Stevenson Would like his Novel renamed please – Arizona

Hai Kids. It’s me, Stabby hater of all haters, Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery, content creator, sarcasm major, and general pain in the fucking ass to Stabbyites everywhere. YAY ME!!

I know everyone wants to know what happened with my heart tests this week. The first one which was on Monday was where they shot me full of nuclear stuff and then took pictures of my heart for half an hour. I did not feel great after I came home on Monday but I didn’t feel that bad. Just a little flu like almost. Yesterday was a stress test. They hooked me up to an IV full of nuclear crap and put me on a treadmill. I have two prosthetic knees and hips so it was painful. The treadmill speeds up and inclines at five minute increments. My hips and knees were killing me but I refused to quit. I was about 4 to 6 minutes from done when I had some sort of cardiac event. It wasn’t a heart attack, I’ve had a couple of those and it didn’t feel like that. Most likely more of the angina I was diagnosed with a long time ago. The nurses wanted me to stop, but if I stopped they couldn’t use the data so I said no way keep going and after a few seconds of argument they agreed and we kept going till the end. I ended up getting them into trouble though which I feel badly about. Then I had to drink a can of ginger-ale, get another plunger full of nuclear whatever and go for another round of pictures. And that would be where things went weird. A cardiologist who happened to be there came in and asked me all manor of very weird questions. Did anyone in my family have any type of congenital heart defect? Did my mother drink or use drugs while she was pregnant with me? Of course we know the answer to that one. Both and lots. Was I checked as a baby for heart defects? I told him I didn’t know but I would assume so since the bitch that bore me had one. I was getting the distinct impression that something was up so I asked him if he could just tell me what the results said. After all that he said no because he was not my cardiologist. So then I asked him if he thought there was a problem. He said and I quote “yes, in my opinion there is a problem.” He said my cardiologist would have a report on his desk by today and I guess he did because I have to go see him tomorrow. Ross already said he’d take me. Hearts are really, really easy to fix even if there is something wrong, and after the shit show that has been my life, there is no way that something as ridiculous as a heart problem is going to take me out. Sorry Stabbyites, I’m not going anywhere. You all now know exactly what I know until tomorrow.

Now, onto the never ending bowl of shit that is this farce of a penalty phase retrial.

Today it would have been much more fun to have root canal, or watch paint dry, or watch wheat grow.

Interestingly, a couple of the Jurors from the first trial showed up today. At one point a phone went off in the gallery and everyone collectively lost their shit. Nurmi started screaming that they were being secretly taped to which I say “kinda creepy being taped when you don’t know isn’t it nurms?” Turned out that it was just an alarm on someone’s phone that they forgot to turn off and they were allowed to return to the gallery. The entire gallery got a very stern talking to from the bailiff about phones being turned off. At least it broke up the monotony a bit.

Resident expert for pay Dr. L.C. Miccio-Fonseca focuses in the areas of sex offenders and those with unusual sex twists. Why Alfred E. is still trying to retry the original case is beyond me, but at this point there isn’t anything that would shock me about this trial. If they walked a billy goat into the courtroom and said he was secretly having sex with it too, I wouldn’t even be a little surprised. This is the character of the people on the defense side of the table. They are willing to do anything, and say anything to try and make Travis into a bad guy. The only thing Travis did that was bad  in my opinion was hooking up with one particular psychopath.

The jumbotron was rolled out so that everyone could see all of Travis’ personal emails in 50ft high glory. Fonseca remained on the stand under oath as some video from the original trial was played. The video of Desiree and her brother and the trip to  Havasupai. This was the trip where so much was made of the fight that Travis and Stabby had in the car. Until the day the siblings testified, they believed the ninja story and had no idea Stabby was about to plead guilty. This is what she had to say afterwards to clarify her testimony on the stand.

desiree explanation

The Jurors seemed to be taking copious amounts of notes today, at least during the replay of the testimony from the first trial. It almost seems like the defense is doing everything it can to just run the clock down today and keep a sympathetic picture of the convicted murderess in their heads for the weekend. Poor poor Stabby. A man actually didn’t want her, what is a girl to do? There was one sidebar before the video was over and then it was done.

Alfred E. Nurmi began his examination of his paid liar   expert. He asked if Dan and Desiree had a window into the relationship of Travis and the Psycho bitch to which the expert answered yes and put $200 in her pocket. Nurmi in his usual fashion is leading the witness so that I yelled objection leading at least three times. Apparently the little pitbull yelled it even more often than I did.

Nurmi wanted to know if they were hiding the sex because of religion? How would the paid expert know why they were hiding the sex? He finally got in Did them being together have to be secret based on their religion? The liar for money said yes and put another $200 in her pocket. Then he wanted to know if they were doing things against their religion. See this frustrates me not being in the courtroom. Is this woman an LDS expert? If she isn’t and I don’t remember that in her CV, how is she qualified to answer that question. Even if the answer is obvious how is she qualified to answer? Anyway she said yes and she was up to $600. Then she began to explain the differences between the sexual Travis and the religious Travis because apparently everyone on earth besides The Einstein-y defense are idiots.

The expert in twisted sexual behavior, talked about murder victim Travis Alexander’s issues with his Mormon faith and sexual desires. And the mighty pitbull began to roar, and roar, and roar.

Fonseca said that Alexander had a “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” personality. Juan was not the one today, he objected just about every time Nurmi opened his mouth. Maybe just to see how Nurmi liked it. He is objecting because like it or not, Nurmi is trying very hard to get the Jurors to retry the case in their own minds. In reality, there is a good likelihood that this is what will happen. Nurmi is working hard for his murder money. He is throwing every damn thing at the wall that he can find to see if anything will stick. He is trying to show that she was the victim of emotional abuse, he is trying to portray Travis as T-Dogg, user of women, he is trying to convince the jury that Travis was emotionally volatile. The Jury is trying to convince themselves to stay awake.

Resident paid sex expert Dr. Fonseca was more of the same with Alfred E. pounding it into everyone’s head, whether they wanted it there or not that Travis was using Stabby for sex while searching for a good Mormon woman with morals a little higher than those of an Alley Cat to marry.

They read out the email where Travis admitted that he did have a tendency to use women and that he felt bad for the way he made Deanna feel. you know Deanna, the one he was actually in love with. The jury seemed to get it that he recognized his own character flaw and the seemed like they thought it was a good thing. Every time Deanna’s name got mentioned, Stabby rolled her eyes. The Jury was watching Jody more than the witnesses and not liking what they were seeing. Because they were seeing Stabby in all her glory. The Stabby Einstein who was better than any other woman on the planet. The very best part was when it was said out loud that Deanna was the love of Travis’ life and that Stabby was just a piece of ass. She became visibly angry. She still cannot accept that Travis didn’t love her. She was throwing her pussy at him and he was happy to catch it and that was all there was to their relationship. The expert witness called Travis a cheater because he was dating Lisa and bumping uglies with ugly, I mean Stabby, I mean ugly Stabby.

Then they played Dan Freemans testimony from the last trial. Most of the jurors looked like they wished that the earth would just open up and swallow them whole. The jury is bored. The video should have been edited for the relevant portions only. The Jurors did seem to wake up a bit while on the video Dan explained the baptism ritual and who was qualified to baptize someone. There are actual sidebars on the tapes being played. Sidebars from the last trial. Are you fucking kidding me. What a waste of time and money. But like I said, Nurms is trying to run out the clock for the weekend. Count on it. Juan will not get up today. And the tape is mercifully over.

Now we are going to get to hear the hired gun give an opinion of an opinion of a recollection that was 6 years old at the time. I seriously just can’t with what this defense is doing. OMG Ms I am an expert witness and have no bias one way or the other just referred to Stabby as Miss Jodi NOT Miss Arias. Not cool paid expert person. You just showed your hand. Just like LaToilette did. She said that Travis not wanting to show her off hurt her wittle feewing. Poor Stabby.

Oh goody, we have another brainiac that just invents words as they go. The word of the day kids is SEXITIVE. Learn it, it might be on an exam later. It is used to describe an action. I have no idea what action but there ya go. BREAKING NEWS: The paid witness says that Stabby was just a booty call. The entire state of Arizona just said, really? Two hours on the stand to tell us something that the whole world other than maybe Einstein over there already knew? Can we get a refund? Alfred E. then asked Fonseca about the difference between secrecy and privacy in intimacy. She had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. She said something about it being late in the day and she was tired.

Then we went back into more fucking emails. And she got to read them to us because apparently no one can read either. The testimony has slowed to a snails pace which I am telling you is part of the plan. Nurmi has managed to come up with a hundred and sixty two ways to say that Travis was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. We get it Nurmi, he was leading a double life. So fucking what? Nurmi is losing the Jury. They are bored and they are exceptionally tired of hearing the same thing in a hundred different forms. Travis was pretending to be a virgin but wasn’t. Travis wanted a booty call but a good Mormon wife. Travis liked fucking Stabby (I just threw up in my mouth a little). The paid witness confirmed that he was discussing marriage with Lisa while getting back door down with Stabby. Again so fucking what. The male jurors collectively rolled their eyes when the paid witness started to talk about Travis’ infidelity.
And baby Jesus gifted us with an end to todays testimony.

Good god, I cannot wait for Juan to get his muzzle around the throat of LaToilette 2.0

That’s it for tonight kids. Have a great night.

RBMD peacing the fuck out!!

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I Think The Entire Planet Just Collectively Tossed Their Cookies.

October 21, 2014

Mi’lady I am going to require the puke bucket in Arizona, can you Fed Ex it or something?-Arizona

 

Hai Kids.  It’s me your very favorite Stabby hater and teller of truths that some pieces of shit on the internet just don’t want to hear bringing you day 1 of what is sure to be a vomit-fest of a penalty phase retrial.  For you number of the numb fucks who don’t seem to get this part, I will speak slowly and loudly.  STABBY IS ALREADY CONVICTED OF FIRST DEGREE AGGRAVATED MURDER.  THIS IS NOT A DO-OVER.  THIS IS ONLY TO DECIDE WHETHER SHE GETS TO DIE NOW OR TO ROT IN HOPEFULLY A REALLY SHITTY PRISON FOR THE REST OF HER NATURAL LIFE. IF THE SECOND OPTION IS WHAT HAPPENS, THAN I HOPE THAT SHE GETS HER FACE SHOVED IN SHIT DAILY FOR THE ENTIRE REST OF HER LIFE.  ARE WE CLEAR NOW?

Before we get to the vomit inducing opening statement of Alfred E. Nurmi, I wanted to let you know that Oscar Pusstorius ended up getting 5 years for murdering his girlfriend.  What that translates to is about 10 months worth of actual incarceration and the remainder under house arrest.  And a big shout out to the bookies in South Africa because they totally called it.  Way better book makers in SA than here.  The odds in the States were 0-3 and in Canada because we still have a ridiculous belief that the justice system actually works, 7.5 to 15.  Way to go South African Bookies.  The prosecution may appeal the amount of incarceration, but in all honesty I doubt it.  I think they know they were damn lucky that they got anything.  The only one more surprised than I was that he actually got jail time was maybe Pusstorius because dude totally thought he was going to skate.  The look of total shock on his face was maybe the first time he wasn’t acting during the entire trial.  It was a beautiful thing.

Now,  on to the shit show that is the never ending trial of Stabby Anal Einstein.

The crowd was much smaller this time than for the first trial but that may change once we get closer to verdict.

Sometimes Judge Stephens spent the first bit dealing with other court matters before we even got started.  The pit-bull and his dog handler Esteban Flores walked into the courthouse together.  Because this makes not one lick of difference what so ever just for today I will tell you that Both Juan, Esteban Flores, the court reporter, Nurmi, and everyone else of import was dressed in suits with ties or appropriate court attire. I don’t give a shit who is wearing what so I won’t be talking about it much. That is unless Stabby and Prom Queen contender Jenny from the cell block start dressing alike again.   Stabby was dressed in a beige shirt with her hair down and I’m sorry to report but her bangs are still missing.  They may be hiding out with Nurmi’s chair.

Sometimes Judge Stephens announced that one of the jurors had been dismissed due to a family emergency and of course Alfred E. took that as his cue to throw his first hissy fit of the day. He was denied, the jurors were sworn and we were off.

Travis’ family were out in full force and the Stabby family was also in attendance. Brother Stabby was wearing a purple ribbon in support of DV victims and the puke buckets I had Mi’lady Fed Ex me came in handy for the first time of the day.

Alfred E. Nurmi rode in on the mitigating factors train with a brand new tale of woe for Stabbykins. Just like your intrepid blogger predicted, the only thing left to go with was insanity so Alfred E. went with that. He tried to paint Stabby as a mentally ill woman who now DEFINITELY had the borderline personality disorder that she totally DID NOT HAVE during the first penalty phase trial. He talked about her tragic and horrible childhood of being grounded for growing weed on the roof. He said her mother totally didn’t support her daughter enough and she beat the bitch. Mom of Stabby physically winced when this was said. He said she had no criminal past. Then he went on to tell the jurors what to expect during this farce of a retrial. He told the jurors that the pictures they were going to see were likely going to give them the dry heaves in a big way, and that there would also be autopsy photo’s. He referred to Travis as “Beloved Travis” which must be some new code for pedophile since that is what he spent the entire last trial calling him. He stressed that Stabby was madly in love with Travis about eleventy billion times. He said that Stabby herself would tell them her horror at realizing she had killed the love of her life so ding ding ding I win again because the stupid bitch is going to take the stand. I could almost see the sneer on Juans face through the tweets. Then Esteban Flores, lead investigator and dog wrangler removed the muzzle and Juan was up.

In true pit-bull fashion Juan went immediately for the jugular. “You will come to know the emotional and mental suffering…” and Alfred E. objected and we headed for the sidebar. He told them about how she had taken his body and dragged it down the hall, stuffing him into the shower like a thanksgiving turkey. He said that she was the sexual one “She told the court she was shaving her pussy so it could be nice and soft for him and that if he was good, she would give him a blowjob and he could come on her face,” Martinez said and I used the puke bucket from South Africa once again. Good thing I asked for that. He went over the whole thing from the gas cans to the car to the gun completely covering the premeditated killing of Travis. He told them that having borderline personality disorder is not legally insane. He brought up that Stabby had lied to the police and that is a crime in reference to Nurmi’s insistence that Stabby was a good girl who had never done a bad thing ever, ever, ever.

Alfred E is still shooting for that world records for most objections in the history of ever and he was right on target today. He also managed to slip in at least one request for a mistrial because Juan said that Stabby broke the law by lying to the police. Objection was sustained but motion for mistrial was denied. Then it was lunch time. I’m sorry I can’t tweet pictures of my lunch. It was strawberry pop-tarts and a pepsi. Just try and picture it in your mind.

Juan was back up and the vet obviously missed the target because he continued to pace and snarl about how Stabby had no problems interacting in society as far as working; you know when she didn’t have a fuckbuddy to sponge off of. Then he called her a big fat liar when he said the only proof of any childhood abuse are the words that come out of her mouth. Aaaand I just got a mental picture of things coming out of her mouth and hit the puke bucket yet again. He finished his opening by saying that there are no mitigating factors in this case, zero, none and Alfred E. Nurmi got another objection in and made his second mistrial request. Double denied.

Flores tossed Juan a good-boy treat as the pit-bull called the states first witness. Michael Melendez, computer forensics unit. They went through the whole camera thing and everything was going along swimmingly until they got to the first picture of Stabby and her GAPING wonder hole. Good thing Nurms gave some warning about the whole dry heaving thing because everybody did.

Nurmi got up to cross examine and he was much more interested in Travis’ computer than he was in pictures that totally didn’t prove that Stabby killed Travis. He seemed to be pretending they didn’t exist. Unfortunately for Nurmi neither did any internet porn of any kind ever. Sucks to be you Nurmi.

Next up was Esteban Flores. They went through how the body was found and went over the pictures that were taken of the crime scene and Nurmi wants a sidebar. Holy fuck the whole lot of them are going to be pissed by the time court is done. Then court recessed for 15 minutes.

The remainder of the day was Flores on the stand and a recap of the trial ending with the autopsy photos of Travis. Court reconvenes tomorrow at 12:30

That’s it for today kids.
Have a great night.

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Asleep in Left Field-My Life

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Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

CALLS FOR JUSTICE

sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us

Varmt News Network

It's the Internet.

peskyvarmt

Just another WordPress.com site

Asleep in Left Field-My Life

4 out of 5 Friends recommend this WordPress.com site

Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

CALLS FOR JUSTICE

sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us