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Your Majesty Is Bored. Let’s Find Something To Do.

April 4, 2017

The Video is just because I think everyone should take a deep cleansing breath and LAUGH

My loyal subjects, your Dean of Fuckery, Law Professor, Honorary DVM, Doctor of Doctoring, Dog Lactation Consultant, Resident sarcasm expert, and Queen of all I survey have decided that I have had quite enough Trump for right now. Give me something, some trial, something I can sink my fangs into and we will blog about that. I’m begging you. Enough politics, enough conspiracy theories, enough already. Suggest something that isn’t one of those things and if I like it I’ll write about it.

Believe me, the whole shelter will thank you.

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You Know That Saying Where There Is Smoke There is Fire? Well Sometimes There Is Just Really Good BBQ Or Somebody Is Smoking.

April 3, 2017

Hello my lovelies.  Put on your tinfoil hats and cover the cameras on your laptops, your Dean of Fuckery has dug to China and I have some answers for you.

Regarding the figurative  trail of dead bodies that the Clintons have allegedly left behind them I have discovered a couple of things.  Out of over a hundred people that are dead, there is one that is maybe a little hinky and this person was like the dentists brothers cousins friend that is how close he was to the Clintons.  All others deaths that have been attributed to nefarious causes were either A) natural deaths like heart attacks and pneumonia or B)Suicides, or C) mechanical or equipment failure.  Now there was one medical examiner who cut a lot of corners with all his dead bodies not just the ones that had any kind of tenuous connections to the Clintons which is where a lot of this started I think.   Bodies had to be dug up and re-autopsied which is both sad and gross but in the end all of the dead that are actually people were A dead, and B an actual cause of death was issued.  There are several that flat out do not even exist, I think those were just thrown in to pad the numbers.  There were also  plane crashes due to pilot error, and  a cesna crash due to mechanical failure.

My question going into this was why is Monica Lewinski alive if all of these other people who quite literally could have done nothing to the Clintons are dead?  My answer remains the same.  Because this shit just never happened.  If you ever crossed paths with a Clinton at a fund raiser, a charity event or political event or he movies or at the dentist or the doctors or the grocery store and you died you are suddenly a part of some fucking cover-up?  Nope, the amount of people that you meet when you are a public figure is just exponentially bigger than if you are a private person.

So to put this to bed much like Pizza-gate(which by the way was never really a thing, just another conspiracy theory) THIS SHIT NEVER HAPPENED.  I mean people did die, but not because the Clintons have a hit squad, just because they died or they had shit luck and their plane went down.

Now I have spent way to much time and wasted way to many brain cells just to satisfy my own curiosity so while we are on the subject I am going to clear up a few other things.

  1. We really landed on the moon.
  2. It is not made of cheese
  3. the twin towers were brought down by two planes not internal implosions
  4. Elvis is dead
  5. Kurt Cobain is dead
  6. I will have to get back to you on area 51
  7. To the best of the scientific community’s  knowledge at large, aliens do not live among us, probably because of shit like this.
  8. You are more likely to die by being kicked to death by a pissed of Kangaroo than be killed because of a conspiracy. (I just made that last part up, but basically it is true.)

Hope that helps every one out and we can get back to reality…Sorry actually it might be more comforting to just keep your tinfoil hats on and keep your cameras covered reality being what it is at the moment.

Anyway, that is about 25 hours of my life I won’t ever get back but rest assured, I turned over every rock, kicked every tire and even took a couple of good stories out for a drive.  Nothing holds water, none of it.  Unless you want it to, in which case rock on with your bad self and Hide from the Clintons. They know you know.  OMGLOLROFLMAO.

RBMD Peacing the Fuck Out.


I Love A Good Conspiracy Theory

March 30, 2017

trump meme

Hello my lovelies.  Your Dean of Fuckery/Law Professor/Doctor of Doctoring/Honorary DVM/ Animal Lactation Expert/Certified Rabies Free RBMD/ all around bad assed bitch and Queen of all I Survey is once again back to bring you a couple of things.

First, I would like to tell you about a friend of mine on Twitter. Ann has been my friend for quite a while and while we differ on our opinion of the current President (she is and has always been a Trump supporter) she is also a wonderful human being who has a broad enough mind to change it if the evidence presents itself to her satisfaction. I respect that the same way she respects that I would do the same. We had a very interesting conversation today about something that has nothing to do with the current state of fail in the US but about a trail of bodies that seem to be following the Clintons around.

I was immediately intrigued because I had no idea and I am usually up on things of this nature. I started to dig a little and my first stop was Snopes which firmly debunked where this is going. Still, I was bothered by a few things so I disregarded Snopes for the moment and began to search deeper. A lot deeper and decided that this does indeed warrant an investigation of some kind. It may amount to nothing, as a matter of course it will probably amount to nothing, but you don’t know if you don’t look and I love a good conspiracy.
Thank you Ann for the idea and also for accepting my findings whatever they may be.

The in-house Psychic is mad at me because she is apparently bored. You can only read the dogs minds so many times apparently, and while I do have that whole indentured servitude thing it is only polite to throw the poor psychic thing a bone once in a while. She keeps waking up screaming that the small animal on Trumps head is begging for help, so even if she can’t get a lock on him we can see what the head animal has to say.

Last but definitely not least I have been working on a Donald Trump Presidential Dictionary. Please look for it soon. I believe it is almost complete.

I hope everyone is well. My love to you all my no kill shelter friends.
RBMD peacing the fuck out.


The Cheeto Is A Tool – An Inspired By Dr. Seuss Bedtime Story

March 29, 2017

Hello my lovelies.  It’s me your dean of fuckery, doctor of doctoring, honorary DVM, fake Judge, all around bad assed bitch and queen of all I survey.  Today I bring you something different.  A story in the style of doctor Seuss.  I hope you enjoy.

On January 20th 2017 by the water of a slave built pool
In the pouring rain which was alternatively a beautiful sunny day
The band banged on while the brainwashed acted like it was may
And the orange cheeto they swore in was a tool

The Cheeto was smiling enjoying the masses, must have forgotten his glasses
because the huge masses just were not there
While he swore on a book that might as well have taught him to cook
And Mike Pence almost peed and Steve Bannon agreed
That they could easily control the fool.

The cheeto was happy and into his nappy he left an illustrious stool
When he finally realized that a country this size might actually need to be ruled
A dictatorship formed while the democrats stormed and Putin approved with great zeal
Leading is hard work especially if your a jerk so he thought I’ll begin to repeal

I’ll repeal healthcare first but he wasn’t well versed in much other then “brokering illegal deals. So of course when that failed and all rails had been railed he blamed something that isn’t real.

I’ll build us a wall he said to them all and I will make Mexico pay. The people were pacified at first until the Mexican president cursed on national TV. El Presidente laughed and bounced like a ball and what he said to the tool was We won’t pay for no fucking wall.

Then the scandals all started and people departed with a speed that would make your head turn. They ran really fast, scandalized Politicians don’t last and they didn’t want to be the ones to burn. One after another “fake news stories” surfaced much to the glee of the dems. They polished each one like a gem. Each time that this happened, the cheeto’s rep got more blackened and his approval started to slip. When it hit 35 most still standing at his side began to abandon ship.

A travel ban he cried, that will keep me alive, but it got shot down in the courts. Stupid constitution he muttered and wondered if it was something that he could thwart.
Of course he could not he was told by his men as he was passed a hanging rope knot.

I’ll drain the swamp he stammered like that even mattered since once it was drained he didn’t know what to do. It was Bannon who said, what the fuck your career’s dead, lets fill it back up with ooze, puss and muck.

The cheeto had platformed on being a regular American, everyone soon found out that isn’t true. Won’t release taxes, wants to screw the masses, and control women’s rights too.

No ties to Russia he said quite straight faced while all the evidence piled on. Alternative facts became a thing that isn’t a thing, to try and explain this big con.

Lets starve the poor and the old and the sick and take away their meds. We will call it something else they people will agree because I’m the ruler and they will believe what I said.

Everyone is wrong only I tell the truth and I tell the best truth of anyone ever. All the promises I’ve made I swear they will all be kept on the twenty fifth day of never.

Dr Seuss should be proud
RBMD peacing the fuck out


World Of War Craft – Bad Hombre Expansion Pack Edition

March 28, 2017

This is about as fitting as it gets I think.

Alt Title:  the 2017 just waiting for the last horsemen of the apocalypse to show up so we can start to watch the world burn edition.

…current location, my zombie apocalypse/now nuclear fallout shelter stocking up on diesel for my very first nuclear winter.

Hi Everyone. Your Dean of Fuckery/resident sarcasm expert/honorary DVM/ Doctor of doctoring/certified rabies free RBMD/law professor/pretend judge/friend of all animals, especially whatever poor creature is living on Trumps head/Queen of all I survey, and all around nasty woman is back for another edition of RBMD.

As some of you may have guessed, I firmly believe this is going to be the final year of the existence of the planet. Since I have not yet figured out how to cut a continent literally in half, or thirds if South America is in, I thought I might as well talk about the Donald Trump shit show.

For those of you that are unaware, Canada, your polite, sensible northern friends are smack dab in the middle of you and Russia. Most of us up here in Canada land that don’t already speak Russian don’t really feel that they want to learn Russian and we are concerned. So before Russia annexes North Carolina or something I thought we should talk.   Of course when WWIII starts, we will be there having your backs, just like we have with every other stupid WW, we will bleed with you, we will die with you, we will mourn with you, and we will curse the rich fuckers whose children will not be in the fray just like it has been since time began because the rich and power hungry start the wars, they don’t fight them.

Civil war in your country is also a very large concern for us. Mostly because we like you. We can’t figure out how any of this happened, not for the life of us, but we like you.( not that it matters to most of you)  It is like some horrible nightmare that nobody can wake up from.

Donald Trump I have decided is either insane, or more likely he is a sociopath.  Just wondering for all you yuuuuuge fans of the insane oompa lompa troll, how IS all that winning going for ya?

Lets look at some facts shall we?  Oh come on don’t be afraid,{ it will be fine I promise.}  That there is a representation of a lie.  Not an alternative fact or fake news, I just lied.  It won’t be fine.  Not by a fucking long shot.  Alternative facts are lies for those of you that haven’t figured that out yet.  Please keep up or you will have to stay after class.  I’d say the misogynistic, xenophobic, woman hating, pussy grabbing, federal tax avoiding, illegal immigrant employing, Chinese steel purchasing, incest in his heart having, orange faced mother fucker might be just a little more of an alternative fact giver than originally thought. Just sayin’.

Raise your hand if this sounds familiar.  “I will IMMEDIATELY repeal and replace Obamacare”.  That one went in the LOSE column.  Also who knew healthcare was so hard?  I did.  My kid did.  Pretty sure my dog did.  That guy running your country not so much.

Let us try another one.  I will be to busy working for you, the American people to be on the golf course all the time like Obama.  Really?  13 times since he took office.  So another trump Alternative fact.

So far, you, the American taxpayers have paid 11.2 million, FUCKING MILLION on secret service for the Trumps.  That is one months worth.  NOT an alternative fact a real live one.  That is almost the entire bill for the Obamas for an entire year.

How’s that wall coming?  I just called Mexico to see but El Presidente was too busy laughing to take my call.

Extra Credit:  I don’t have any ties with Russia.  OMFGROFLMFAO  Can anyone say brokering 500 BILLION dollar deal with a company that has sanctions against it.  Oh wait, that would be treason wouldn’t it?  Right?  Do they still give the firing squad for acts of treason? Just wondering.

America, if I were you I would take the most famous Trump quote ever and tell the fucker “YOU’RE FIRED.

What a fucking clusterfuck shitshow this is turning into.  I’d make popcorn because I am one of those people that would find the world burning amusing, but I need the popcorn in my bunker.

Secret directions will be sent to all members of the no kill shelter.  Bring your dogs, bring your horses, bring your kids, I’m iffy on spouses, they may have to pass a comprehensive entry into my bunker written exam.  Or some shit like that.

RBMD peacing the fuck out.


Welcome To The United STATE Of New Korea. Supreme Leader Trump Edition.

January 23, 2017

Hai my lovelies.  Tis me, your intrepid Dean of Fuckery, Law Professor, Doctor of Doctoring, honorary Judge, Puppy resuscitation expert, Dog Lactation consultant, Horse Whisperer, Owner of the In House Psychic, Alternative news (see real news) supporter, Big Fan of Human Rights and the US constitution, and Queen of all I survey.

The video of the day is brought to you with Russian subtitles so you can get used to Cyrillic writing and shit.

I am so excited for New Korea.  Your supreme leader just declared the day of his inauguration 1/20/2017 “National Day of Patriotic Devotion” (seriously). cancelled everyone’s healthcare, killed the TPP, decided that starting a war with the indigenous native population over a pipeline is a really good idea,  lied about the turnout for his dictatorshiptorial debut, started a war with the media, decided the secretary of education doesn’t actually require one, gave big businesses  huge, or should I say YUUUUGE tax breaks and drained the swamp of whatever was in it and filled it back up with Nile crocodiles with necrotizing fasciitis shooting lasers on their heads. Welcome to 1817 everybody.  YAY!!

Someone tell me again how a government led by a guy that has gone bankrupt 11 times and filled with billionaire members is a good idea?

So here is my theory on what is next on the Trump agenda.  Deciding that allowing peons to call the white house to complain or ask questions should no longer be allowed because negativity and stuff…Oh,wait he did that already.  Black people will once again be required to ride at the back of the bus and they will like it dammit.   All Latino’s will be immediately deported.  DNA testing will become mandatory at birth so that the Government can make sure you are positively, completely white. Indigenous people must immediately assimilate or be summarily shot.  All Muslims will immediately be interred in camps with really nice showers.  All women will immediately throw away their shoes and become pregnant, or if too old to become pregnant they will be offered the choice of assisted suicide because their usefulness is over.  If you are a millionaire you will get a pardon, as long as you know your place.  Spousal rape will be legalized because you can’t rape someone you are married to.  Pussy grabbing will be added as an Olympic Sport.  Homosexuals will have a chance to pray the gay away and if it doesn’t work they will be interred with the Muslims or offered assisted suicide because the only reason to be alive is to procreate and if you can’t do that you are obsolete.

Your great leader will import every Rottweiler, pitbull, mastiff, and leopard dog from the entire world to help herd the Mexican race back to Mexico.  Religion will become mandatory, but the new bible will be the art of the deal and you will worship at the alter of Trump.  Since Trump is now a god and church all of his earnings will be non-taxable.  All detractors will be arrested and put into chain gangs building that fucking wall.   All homes will become property of Trump holdings.

Scientists will be reassigned to jobs that are actually important.  If they refuse they will be offered immediate assisted suicide…with a rifle.

The phrase climate change will no longer be allowed to be uttered.  Fines will be a minimum of ten thousand dollars for each separate instance.  Differently weathered will be an acceptable alternative.

Anyone who cannot afford medical care is now allowed to be seen by a veterinarian if they can afford that.  Veterinarians are now will be allowed to perform human procedures if they want too.  If they don’t the Supreme leader suggests you hurry up and die.

Barack Hussein Obama shall be removed from all texts, literature, historical references, et al.  So let it be written, so let it be done.

Enjoy your new dictatorship kids.  Hope it was worth it.  The land of the used to be free and the home of the slaves.

RBMD shaking her fucking head and peacing the fuck out.

 


And The Rockets Orange Glare, The Bombs Bursting On Air Gave Proof Through The Night That You Must Be Aware. Oh Say Does That Orange Pig Dog Fucker Still Haive..r.(it means lie in Scottish)O’er The Land You Should Flee, And the home of The Deranged.

January 19, 2017

Your old anthem translated to Russian just so you can get a head start on things will follow shortly.  Some words don’t translate well, like rampart.  Rampart is a sucky word to translate to Russian.  Just sayin.  I’m sure president Stalin, I mean Putin, I mean Trump will have a new word to replace it.

Before the nukes go off tomorrow, I just want to say a few other things.  Your confirmation hearings are a joke.  Your nominee for the department of energy didn’t know that included nukes, and nobody is willing to say that they will give an accounting of foreign loans held by your esteemed president.

Trudeau has declared a US refugee crisis and we are currently putting plans in place to get the refugees out before we commence with sawing the continent in half and hopefully floating a little farther away so as to stay out of the blast radius.  You have to pass a fairly simple test.  Prove you are not racist, homophobic, misogynistic, or a pussy grabber (unless of course you have been invited to grab the pussy in which case rock on) and don’t have problems with the disabled. You also must believe in the separation of church and state, public schools not for profit and not for profit jails or healthcare.    Please know our prayers are with you and we will get as many of you out as we can. May god have mercy on you all.

RBMD peacing the fuck out in my peaceful country.  Remember we love you.

 


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