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The Stabby Arias Never Ending Penalty Phase Retrial – The Lets Keep The Witness Under Direct Forever So Juan Can’t Cross Examine Edition

November 17, 2014

There is not enough Tylenol in the entire world for this shit – Arizona

Hai Kids. Welcome to another edition of the never ending Stabby Einstein penalty phase retrial. The penalty phase that the Convict would like to turn into the I’m getting out of jail by Saturday do-over.

Just before we get to todays foray into the almost insane some of you may have noticed the disclaimer that I have posted on the bottom right hand side of my blog. It is more about the people and entities that are NOT allowed to post my blog than who is. If I have failed to mention you by name or by site than consider yourself allowed to use my blog in whole or in part as long as it is credited to the Really Big Mean Dog Article you have used. This is just more stuff that my lawyer friend said would be pertinent for me to do, makes litigation much easier. So, if I forgot to name you by name and you have been linking my blog or using parts of it or whatever and you have not been expressly forbidden from doing that, please just continue to do what you have been doing all along. People were not listed in order of importance, just who popped into my head at that particular moment and I had to stop naming specific people that were allowed permission because I ran out of room.

Court today started an avalanche of questions in my head, non of which have been answered to any satisfaction even by some of the greatest legal minds that I know. They are doing the exact same head scratch that I am. Questions like how is a paid expert allowed to give an opinion on a seven year old email with no context and without speaking with either of the people the email was between seeing as one of them is dead and the other was not approached. How is that not all just hearsay? How is there any foundation for the email? How is someone does someone who is purported to be an expert in sexual kink not know what a fuck buddy is, or a friend with benefits? Does that not toss the whole sex expert thing directly out the window? How do you get any sense of what is truth and what is a lie from Stabbykins (other than if her mouth is moving she is likely full of shit) when you have spent less than 8 hours with her split between two sessions? How does she spend a day and a half on the stand talking about Chris and sky hughes perceptions of the relationship between Travis and the murdering bitch without ever having an interview with Chris and Sky hughes? A day and a fucking half and never talked to either one of them? Really? I have obviously made some egregious career choices in my life and would now like to become a sexual kink expert. This sunshine filled lollypop of triple dipped psycho is going for $300 per hour. That the Aunty Sue we need more money for appeals and experts and stuff definitely isn’t paying for. You are Arizona. I would have done it for half just so you know. Of course it would have been over Skype, but still. I could have saved you a fortune and done a way better job.

This is Dr. Sexpert. dr sxpert Thank you Jeff Gold. She will now for the duration of the retrial be referred to as Dr. Sexpert.  Also, just as an aside, it’s pretty bad when the kink expert is looking at the defense attorney like she needs an adult.  Just sayin’.

Anyway, we started the day going over emails from Lisa Andrews. Lisa was crazy in love with Travis AKA T-Dogg AKA Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at one point and wanted to marry him. She apparently had a hard time staying away from him once they broke up which proves…what? Travis was kind and funny and attractive and dated people. THE BASTARD!!

Dr. Sexpert started to get into the idea that Travis had a thing for young girls. Juan was up barking lack of foundation (thank god I was starting to think he was sick or had lost his voice or something) and was sustained. Alfred E in his usual “I’m getting paid by the word fashion” began again. Dr. Sexpert got in that Stabby with a bald cooch and braids raised a red flag for her to which I said “why, did Travis hold her down, shave the bitch and braid her hair..OR did she show up that way?” Myself and Jeff Gold seemed to be on the same page because he was as confused as I was as to how this was relevant to anything. Dr. Sexpert also took Ms Jodi’s *BARF,BARF, and BARF* word for it that Travis was pulling it to pics of little boys, never mind that in all these years absolutely ZERO evidence of this has ever been produced and said that was another huge red flag. Because I am nothing if not thorough even if the subject matter is ridiculous and happens to disgust me I did a bunch of research on pedophilia and am now probably on some fucking watch list somewhere. By definition pedophiles have a sexual attraction to children predominantly 11 yrs of age or younger and do not generally cross gender lines. That means that they either like little boys or little girls. Of course as with all things there are those that don’t care, but as a rule, they like boys or they like girls.

Now before we move on to the rest of the paid $300 an hour by the not so great State of Arizona’s witnesses testimony, I have a question for you all. You don’t have to answer out loud if you don’t want to, but answer it in your head and be honest. How many of you were doing sexual things when you were 12, 13, 14 years old. Not forced things, those don’t count, but sexually curious things, be it masturbating, giving someone a handjob, or anything of that nature. With yourself or with someone, doesn’t matter. My point is that at those ages, kids become sexually curious and aware of themselves sexually. Travis was 12 and 13 and 14 at some point. So what are the odds that he might have been playing I will play with yours if you will play with mine with someone around the same age as him and she had an orgasm and that is how he knew what that sounded like? That is a perfectly reasonable and also perfectly normal part of growing up to me. That does not make him a pedophile. I know it’s a gross conversation but somebody had to say it. It is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why that statement ever came out of his mouth. If that was his first experience with a female orgasm it would have been a fond memory and a memory that would have aroused him because he is a man and the wind blowing in the right direction will arouse most of them.

Now, back to Dr. Sexpert. She is officially LaToilette 2.O and has downed the whole gallon of Stabby Kool-Aid. Why oh why would poor Stabby go back to a man she had just allegedly discovered masturbating to pictures he shouldn’t have been, never mind that Napoleon never barked when she came in, never mind that the Christmas decorations she was supposedly there to help him put in the attic were never found, never mind that he decided to masturbate to illegal material in the middle of the day when he knew she was coming and didn’t lock the door, she caught him and it sickened her to the point that she vomited and got a headache. Then she went back to him. According to Dr. Sexpert this would be because she was so blinded by love for him that she could not help herself. (somebody remind me to send Mi’Lady a thank you note for the Pretoria puke bucket) Then she emphatically stated that she was not calling Travis a pedophile, there were just some red flags. She next said that Travis and Stabby were not engaged in any type of unlawful sexual activities which kind of cancels out the red flags she spoke of earlier yeah?

Then she said the most hilariously funny thing I have ever heard in my life. It was put a half can of pop though my nose funny. She said that Travis was the sexually seasoned one and poor wittle Stabbykins was completely unseasoned. This is a woman that could turn at least two aisles in a candy store into sex toys but she was sexually unseasoned. What exactly is Dr. Sexperts standard if this succubus is considered sexually unseasoned by her?

Alfred E. Nurmi was STILL on direct when court was called for the evening and it was announced that due to some magical emergency court would be dark till Thursday. Yup, December 18th is totally going to happen.

Juan apparently has filed a motion for sanctions against Nurms because the hard drive that was provided to the State was one that belonged to some dude name Tony and had nothing to do with the case. He said that Nurmi is obviously trying to stall and he wanted the mirror image of the correct hard drive by noon today, or he wanted Nurmi in front of an ethics committee or facing some jail time. Totally won’t happen, but it goes to show how pissed off Juan is getting.

In totally unrelated news, Charles Manson applied for a marriage license in Kings County today. He is going to marry some chick named Star. Hey, Stabby thinks she’s a star, Manson is marrying a star. Maybe Manson and Stabby are tying the knot. Ewwww, I just gave myself the willies. Christ on a cracker, can you imagine.

So there you have it, a big huge bunch of nothing, much like the rest of the big bunches of nothing that seem to be this entire penalty phase retrial that the defense is trying to turn into a whole new trial. I hate Stabby. I hate this trial. I am starting to hate Arizona. I still love pop tarts.

RBMD peacing the fuck out. Have a great night everybody.

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The Stabby Penalty Phase Retrial-The Never Ending Side-Bar Edition.

October 28, 2014

Good thing I kept the Pretoria puke bucket-Arizona

Hai kids. Hope everyone is well.

In Ontario today we laid Cpl. Cirillo to rest. Christine Beswick covered the funeral and will have an article up tomorrow. She is linked in the Blogroll if you are interested in reading it.

The Goodman verdict came in today. He was the super rich dude that was convicted of vehicular homicide and DUI manslaughter and then was granted a new trial. He got reconvicted today for the same things. DUI manslaughter and Vehicular homicide. Hope he gets more than the 16 years he got the first time around.

Today is the day we have all been dreading. It is a good thing I kept the puke bucket because I thought we all might need it. Today is the day we are going to get to see naked Stabby and get to listen to the vomit inducing illegally recorded phone sex tape. You’re welcome.

Court opened with an immediate sidebar because why not. If Alfred E. Nurmi isn’t going to win the world record for the most motions ever, he is damn well going to win for the most side-bars in a criminal trial ever. He’s no quitter!!

Her royal Highness Stabbykins was dressed in royal blue I’m sure just to piss off the Alexander family. Her glasses are still present. Expect to see them on E-bay the day after the trial is over. Cha Cha showed up in hot salmon today because if you reek like a fish you might as well dress like one I guess.

Alfred E. Went back to the defense table and he and Stabby had a deep and meaningful discussion about how much he hates her right now. Jenny From the Cell Block acted as referee.

Sometimes Judge Stephens gave an admonition to the gallery not to react to the phone sex tape when it is played. Only Travis’ brother was in the courtroom at this time. Then his sisters came back in.

Alfred E. got up and began his cross examination of Detective Flores. He hammered and hammered and hammered about who’s theory it was that the gunshot came first. He asked Flores how old Stabby was when she committed the crime and if she had a prior criminal record. Flores asked if he wanted her age in human or dog years. Human I guess so he said 27 and no she did not have a criminal record. He asked if Flores about the shell casing that was found and then started with the shower photo’s.

He showed one of Travis with his back turned to the camera and decides to just make a supposition and says if she wanted to kill him she could have done it then. Juan immediately objects; speculation and is sustained. Alfred E. was not to be deterred today though. He was animated enough that he almost appeared to be awake at times. He asked why the two Ninja’s were not looked into and Flores answered because all roads led to the three holed wonder. Nurmi was VERY lively this time around.

Next we got Jumbotron meat flaps. Aren’t ya glad I brought the puke bucket. Because the Jurors have not yet been tortured enough, the next pic was Jumbotron Stabby wonder hole number 2. Nurmi asked if it looked like Travis didn’t want to be there. Flores said no. Point being made by Nurmi is that this is not a man afraid of a stalker. He was banging the bitch, taking pictures of her naked, and spending time with her.

There was a 10 minute recess and then the phone sex-tape was on. Travis’ sisters left once again. The bailiff was polite enough to pass out barf-bags just in case the Pretoria puke bucket was being used by the gallery.

To summarize the sex tape, close your eyes, picture Stabby and her overused floppy cooch, a boomerang dick and then step on a cats tail. That pretty much sums it up.

Some interesting things that I noticed though. He obviously did not know he was being recorded. Travis says on the tape that he doesn’t like Spiderman or superman when they begin talking about superheroes so it’s pretty obvious he didn’t send the underwear. Most importantly, he NEVER said he loved her, not in 40 some odd minutes. Actually as soon as he was done yanking it, he started yawning and it was like “OK hooker, I’m done, I’d like to peace the fuck out now.”

The Stabby FREAKS have been coming out of the woodwork trying to make their aging very badly queen look better, and doing a really bad job at it.
See!!! stabby photoshop stabby photoshop 2 Bwahahahahahaha.

After lunch Alfred E. began the slander portion of the program. He went after Flores with a renewed gusto. He wanted to know if Travis was using his own free will when he said he wanted to stick his dick in her ass. He then started to go after Travis’ faith at which point Juan got a little pissy. He objected, there was a sidebar and Nurmi came back and qualified Flores as an LDS expert. He has been a member of the faith for decades apparently. He wanted to know if people believed Travis was a virgin. Flores said they did. Next question was does the law of chastity allow Travis to shoot Jizz on Stabby’s face. Juan Objected. Nurmi is trying to get the point across that Travis was a hypocrite and unfortunately I think he succeeded.

Juan got up and sadly for the first time he had to do damage control. Juan asked if slitting someone’s throat is condoned by Mormon teachings. Did Travis ever say he loved her. Flores said not that he was aware of. He asked if sex was the same as love. Flores said no. Does not following the law of chastity mean he deserved to have his throat slit? Of course not. Juan asked if there was any indication she was forced to pose for photos? Flores said none. He asked if Flores ever uncovered anything that said she was a nut bag. Not in his opinion. Then it got a little weird. Juan asked Flores if he believed she had parents. Alfred E. Objected. He asked Flores if he ever had sex with Nurmi? WTF and EWWWWW. Objection. Did you have sex with Stabby Einstein. WTF and BARF aaand I fucking object. I don’t need that mental picture thank you. He then asked if Flores disbelieved everything she told him and he said no.

Nurmi was back up and he asked Flores if he was writing a book. A couple of times. Flores was offended. I wonder who could have put an idea like that into Nurmi’s head? *cough*PIGVOMIT*cough* He asked Flores if he had a mind reading certificate to which he answered no, but he heard about some blogger with an in house psychic. He said that he could not then know what she was thinking when she was in Selinas to which he answered no and Baby Jesus answered my prayer and ended re-cross.

The State rested underlying evidence and mitigation starts on Thursday.

All in all it was NOT a good day for the prosecution. I think that the DP may be off the table kids. Alfred E. did a good job today. I give credit where it is due and he did a good job of confusing the Jury and taking down the States case today.

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Stabby Updates And Some Thoughts on What Has Transpired In Canada Over The Last Two Days.

October 24, 2014

I wear combats, not fatigues and I work for a “lef-tenant”, not a “loo-tenant.”

I drive an Iltis, not a Jeep or a Humvee and the weapon I carry for my protection is a C7, not an M16.

I observe from, or take cover in, a trench and not a foxhole.

I don’t just speak English or French, nor am I bilingual. I can speak many languages.

Although I am trained to fight in a war, I don’t cause them.

When I am not deployed on a mission of peace, I travel all over my country; fighting forest fires, battling floods, rescuing lost souls or repairing damages caused by an ice storm.

I try not to take sides and believe in treating all humanity equally.

I don’t just go on patrols; I also clear landmines to make the area safe for everyone.

In my off-duty hours while deployed, I occupy myself by rebuilding schools or playgrounds and, I teach children in a war-torn country about peace and harmony.

I am my country’s best ambassador and I am respected the world over for what I do best.

I carry my country’s flag shamelessly and hold my head up high wherever I go.

I am….A Proud Canadian Soldier.
Author Unknown.

Hai everyone. It is your favorite blogger extraordinaire, Kelly “Really Big Mean Dog” or as I seem to be known is certain circles on twitter, “that fucking bitch that will not shut the fuck up.” I’m rather partial to the second one but it’s too long.

I have decided that for the duration of the Stabby PENALTY PHASE RE-TRIAL we are going to implement a palette cleanser of sorts: Sick Fuck Saturday. This will be where we will pick a trial from the past and I will tear it up much like my dog likes to tear up shoes….and chairs….and other assorted stuff. It should be fun and serve as a reminder that the criminal world does not revolve solely around Stabby Einstein. I was going to do it tonight, but I do have a couple of Stabby updates that are relevant and I want to talk about Cpl. Cirillo for a bit, as well as how Canada fits into wars and stuff. I think That Sick Fuck Saturday should be pretty fun and also interactive as I am encouraging you all to not only choose some old cases to talk about, but also if you feel so inclined, to send me a write up on a trial of your choice and if it’s good, I will post it and you will be the guest blogger of the Weekend. There will not always be a guest blogger, and if you send something and it does not get picked you have to promise to not be hurt. I also do not expect that your writings have to follow my particular style of using the word fuck in all of its forms. That is just the way I talk so don’t think that I expect you to follow suite, although you certainly can if you want to. My only expectation is that it be factual, and well written. I hope some of you at least will take advantage of this because I think it would be fun.

Our Nations Capital and Canada in general is still reeling from events that unfolded at the Canadian War Memorial and Parliament Wednesday. The terror in Ottawa started at just before 10 am, when witnesses stated that a man dressed entirely in black drove up to the National War Memorial in a purple Toyota that was devoid of license plates. He left the engine running and charged Cpl. Cirillo who was standing guard. The shooter hit Cirillo twice at point-blank range with a shotgun. The honor guard fell to the ground and the gunman appeared to raise his arms triumphantly.

The shooter then invaded the Centre Block, which is the main building of the Parliamentary complex. He shot off several more rounds, all of it captured by camera’s that were there because parliament was in session. The building was put into lockdown with our Prime Minister trapped inside. The PM attempted to exit but was convinced he was safer in the legislative chamber and he was hidden inside of a closet in case the chamber was breached. Legislators acted quickly, stacking tables and chairs in front of doors, and quickly turning flag staffs into spears. They were prepared to attempt to impale anyone who breached the chamber in an attempt to protect the Prime Minister. Kyle Seeback, a member of parliament managed to tweet that they were safe and locked in an office seconds before the police chasing the gunman unleashed a shit ton of bullets. It was a barrage of epic proportion. Terrified civilians scurried down scaffolding which was erected due to ongoing renovations.

John McKay, a member of Parliament actually thought that it was dynamite going off from the construction. It never crossed his mind that it was gunshots inside what should be one of the most secure facilities in Canada.

The lunatics rampage came to a sudden end when he crossed paths with our Sergeant-at-arms for the house of Commons, Kevin Vickers. Ironically, Vickers post is largely symbolic. So much so that he presides over his post wearing green robes, white gloves and a tall imperial hat while carrying a scepter. Want to know what else Kevin Vickers carries? A gun. One he is very, very adept at using. Vickers, 58, just whipped out the gun and blasted the attacker according to the justice minister and other officials who were present. Two other people were injured with nonlife-threatening wounds. Police with assault rifles and flak jackets continued to search the area for hours after Vickers took control of the situation because he really is just boss that way.

Cpl. Nathan Cirillo was just 24 years old and a member of the ceremonial honor guard for the tomb of the unknown soldier. He often interacted with the public, answering questions from tourists about the tomb, and parliament and any general questions that anyone had. He was described by some of the tourists he had spoken with as well spoken, polite, very proud of his post, happy to explain the origins of the tomb, and extremely proud to be Canadian. Cpl. Cirillo had a five year old son who he was raising as a single dad, and two dogs who were photographed looking what can only be described as bereft, like they were aware that their owner had fallen. The photograph of those dogs is haunting. It never ceases to strike me how in tune to their owners, dogs of soldiers seem to be. He was born and raised in Hamilton and it was there that he was taken today. I watched with mixed emotions as the motorcade made it’s way from Ottawa to Hamilton. Mixed because I am saddened by this pointless death, enraged that a soldier on his home soil was killed with no declaration of war, and proud of the way we as a country helped see our fallen Soldier home. Entire highways saw vehicles pulled to the side with occupants out of their cars saluting as the motorcade made its way past them. People came from all over Ontario and even from other provinces to help see the Soldier home. It was one of those moments that made me remember why I am so proud to call myself Canadian.

The shooter, Michael Zehaf-Bibeau was of course a recent convert to Islam. There is speculation that the death of Cpl. Cirillo and the attack on Parliament were in retaliation for Canada sending some of our bombers to help with the efforts to eradicate ISIS. This hasn’t been confirmed, but it is as good a theory as any.

I know that most of you, Canadian and American as well as my readers from across the globe have someone who has served your respective countries at one time or another. My father was in the Royal Navy during WWII. All three of my Uncles on my mothers side were privates during WWII. My Grand Da was a fighter pilot during WW1. The thing about that is, when you are at war, actively fighting in a war, you expect that there will be casualties. Death is a given. To shoot a soldier at a ceremonial post, one which anyone who does any research would know means that his weapon does not have any live rounds is the act of a coward. Yet more acts of cowardice from a cowardly extremist group.

Canada’s roll during wars has often been as peacekeepers, as aid givers, as the ones who try and maintain some neutrality. Don’t for a second think that makes Canada weak. When Canada is actively engaged in war, like WWI an WWII we fight like warriors. We have the exact same mentality as our neighbors and friends, the United States. We have their back and they have our back. It makes us collectively the most war savvy continent on the planet. We will back the United States plays if we are asked to do so, and we hope that if it were ever to come to it that the feeling is mutual.

Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, we are sorry you were taken so young from us for what amounts to no reason. There is no reasoning with mad men. I salute the soldier, the father, the son, and the Canadian that died while on duty at our War Memorial Wednesday October 22, 2014.

Now on to the Anal wart on the ass of the world, Stabby.

We all know that sometimes Judge Sherry Stephens lost control of this trial a long time ago. Like on about day one of the original trial. It seems that every time I think that she can’t possibly do anything more stupid than the thing she did before she takes it as a challenge and goes ahead and does something more stupid. It is this writers humble opinion that she has no business being a judge, and apparently I am not the only one that thinks that way. Several retired Judges, ex prosecutors and ex defense attorneys have come out publicly to chastise the Judge. I know there is the argument that she is trying to limit reversible error, but I am telling you all kids, that ship sailed a long time ago. The list of errors that sometimes Judge Stephens has made is way to long for me to write the whole thing out, but I will cover the big ones.

Since it is entirely in her prevue, Judge Stephens should have prohibited Jodi Arias from doing any interviews while the trial was ongoing and especially during deliberations. You can instruct a jury to avoid media and such till you are blue in the face, odds of that actually happening are very slim, no matter what anyone thinks. Humans are curious things, it is just our nature. Please don’t go there with the first amendment. I know you want too, but when the right to speak is likely to undermine the fairness of a difficult criminal trial it goes out the window. That and the judge would have been totally legally within her rights to do so. I do not to this second understand why she chose not to do that.

Sometimes Judge Stephens like I said lost control of the courtroom almost immediately. Her permissiveness in allowing the defense to drag out the case with ridiculous and incessant objections, the sidebars that inevitably went with them whenever the defense felt like it, which was all the time which was all just a ruse to drag out the case was transparent to everyone but Judge Stephens. Losing control of the courtroom undermines the very process that you have taken an oath to uphold and protect.

Judge Stephens forgot to read a portion of the jury instructions to the jury during the penalty phase of the trial. I swear to god I am not making this shit up. A sitting judge in one of the biggest trials in the history of ever completely left out part of the jury instructions. Jury instructions are kind of important. Just sayin’, although in this case with the train wreck the trial had already become, it probably didn’t make much of a difference.

The blackout of televised re-trial of the penalty phase. If anything screams, “dude I fucked up and now I must try and unring the bell” this would be the thing. Unfortunately, all she has done is given Stabbykins another thing to appeal on. I wasn’t given a fair trial because it was televised. Even the judge knows she made an error because she decided not to televise the re-trial. That is going to be on the list along with ineffective council because Nurmi was allowed to state on the record that he does not like his client. While it was funny, it was also either very calculated, or just Nurmi’s I have had enough of this shit moment. Either way Stephens should have immediately told the jury to disregard the comment.

Now the coup de gras: Sometimes Judge Stephens has granted motions in limine regarding smuggling of contraband, lack of remorse, requests to change council and threats against trial participants. What this means is that Juan Martinez may not present any facts regarding Stabby having things like that pinwheel picture that she sold for more money for the “Stabby is going for ALL the murder money” fund or any other things that ChaCha may or may not have smuggled into or out of the prison, he can’t present any evidence that Stabby does not have a shit to give that she killed Travis three times over and that her sudden altruism is simply to try and save her ass. He cannot talk about the fact that she threatened to have Juan Martinez “Stabbied” if she got the DP, and he cannot bring up the fact that she has tried to get rid of Nurmi, Nurmi has tried to get rid of her, or that she has and then has not represented herself on two separate occasions. So she has basically tied Juan’s hands behind his back, put a blindfold on him and told him to try and pin the tail on the Donkey. It is a completely ridiculous ruling. I almost get the not bringing up that she threatened to kill Martinez because that is basically she said, she said although testimony has been found to be credible, but not allowing him to bring up the smuggling which basically tells the jury she could give a flying fuck about jail or its rules and that she can very easily bend people to her will and not to allow him to bring up her lack of remorse make me want to throttle the sometimes Judge.

I asked once and I will ask again. In Arizona, you all have to go to law school and pass the bar and actually practice law before you all can become a seated Judge right?

So, that’s it for tonight my lovelies. Don’t forget Sick Fuck Saturday is tomorrow. I am looking forward to it.

Have a great night everyone, Really Big Mean Dog peacing the fuck out.

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The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law: Definitions of Terms Being Thrown About the Internet. Just For Everyone’s Edification.

October 11, 2014

Some People are like Christmas Everyday – Arizona

Good evening class, welcome back.  Please take your seats as we have a lot to cover this evening.  As you can see, I have redecorated the classroom.  I hope you all like it.  Chaz continues to work on the class seal.  It will be mounted as soon as he is done.  Feel free to wander around after class and get used to the new digs.

Now, it has come to my attention as your Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery that certain legal terms are being tossed willy nilly around the internet.  Your Professor is not amused.  I am not amused when people who have no clue throw hallowed legal terms around just to see if they can scare someone.  We will also be covering terms which will no doubt be brought up during the PENALTY PHASE RETRIAL OF THE CONVICTED MURDERESS

Before we begin, everyone stand for the singing of the class anthem.  Do not forget to face Florida and give the salute that I taught you.  Thank you.

Lets start with an easy one and just to make it fun, lets see how many apply to Stabby and or other people we know and hate:

Slander: oral defamation, in which someone tells one or more persons an untruth about another which untruth will harm the reputation of the person defamed. Slander is a civil wrong (tort) and can be the basis for a lawsuit. Damages (payoff for worth) for slander may be limited to actual (special) damages unless there is malicious intent, since such damages are usually difficult to specify and harder to prove. Some statements such as an untrue accusation of having committed a crime, having a loathsome disease, or being unable to perform one’s occupation are treated as slander per se since the harm and malice are obvious, and therefore usually result in general and even punitive damage recovery by the person harmed. Words spoken over the air on television or radio are treated as libel (written defamation) and not slander on the theory that broadcasting reaches a large audience as much if not more than printed publications. (See: defamation, fair comment) Check and Check.

Libel: to publish in print (including pictures), writing or broadcast through radio, television or film, an untruth about another which will do harm to that person or his/her reputation, by tending to bring the target into ridicule, hatred, scorn or contempt of others. Libel is the written or broadcast form of defamation, distinguished from slander which is oral defamation. It is a tort (civil wrong) making the person or entity (like a newspaper, magazine or political organization) Now, here is the important part so pay attention:  open to a lawsuit for damages by the person who can prove the statement about him/her was a lie. Publication need only be to one person, but it must be a statement which claims to be fact, and is not clearly identified as an opinion. Most states provide for a party defamed by a periodical to demand a published retraction. If the correction is made, then there is no right to file a lawsuit. Public records are exempt from claims of libel. Minor errors in reporting are not libel. Check and Check.

Stalking: Criminal activity consisting of the repeated following and harassing of another person. Stalking is a distinctive form of criminal activity composed of a series of actions that taken individually might constitute legal behavior. For example, sending flowers, writing love notes, and waiting for someone outside her place of work are actions that, on their own, are not criminal. When these actions are coupled with an intent to instill fear or injury, however, they may constitute a pattern of behavior that is illegal. Though anti-stalking laws are gender neutral, most stalkers are men and most victims are women unless your name is Stabby or some other female type person. Oh look, check and check again.

Cyberstalking: the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group of individuals, or an organization. It may include the making of false accusations or statements of fact (as in defamation), monitoring, making threats, identity theft, damage to data or equipment, the solicitation of minors for sex, or gathering information that may be used to harass. The definition of “harassment” must meet the criterion that a reasonable person, in possession of the same information, would regard it as sufficient to cause another reasonable person distress.[1] Cyberstalking is different from spatial or offline stalking in that it occurs through the use of electronic communications technology such as the internet. However, it sometimes leads to it, or is accompanied by it.[2] Both are criminal offenses.[3] Cyberstalking shares important characteristics with offline stalking; many stalkers – online or off – are motivated by a desire to control their victims.[4] So like hacking a persons emails or sending them eleventybillion emails or stuff like that. Hey we are going for a record. Check and check.

Harrassment: covers a wide range of behaviors of an offensive nature. It is commonly understood as behavior intended to disturb or upset, and it is characteristically repetitive. In the legal sense, it is intentional behavior which is found threatening or disturbing. Once again we have two winners.

allege: a way to avoid a libel claim.

Objection: a motion during a trial to disallow a witness’s testimony or other evidence. You know like Objection, testimony has no basis in reality.

Hater: Anyone who does not believe Stabby’s version of events, whichever ones she puts forth.

Orifice: An opening, especially to a cavity or passage of the body; Learn this one, it’s going to come up A LOT during the re-trial.

KY: a brand of personal lubricant also see baby oil, Crisco, whatever the fuck is handy at that moment.

Mouth Hug: Apparently it is how Stabby offers to blow someone.

Jizz: Jizz is just Jizz.

There will be a short quiz next class on these terms. I expect all of you to be able to use each one in a sentence.

Class dismissed.

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The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law: Motion to Quash Motion to Quash Consideration of Death Penalty

October 4, 2014

-I can write an amicus brief, as well as my motion to quash, contemporaneously – Arizona

Hello Class.  Professor Kelly is very busy today so please sit down and take notes.  Today’s lesson will be on frivolous motions that have no bearing on anything ever.  Apparently in Arizona, you can bring the exact same motion before the court eleventy billion times in the hopes that the judge might let one slip past.  Well, this Law Professor is not having it so I am bringing a motion to quash the motion to quash.

First, a quick lesson on motions.

Motion in United States law. In United States law, a motion is a procedural device to bring a limited, contested issue before a court for decision. It is a request to the judge (or judges) to make a decision about the case.

A motion to quash is a request to a court to render a previous decision of that court or a lower judicial body null or invalid. It can arise out of mistakes made by any lawyer in a court proceeding.

A motion to quash in the case of The Great State of Arizona and King Juan 1 V Stabby Anal Arias is a request to the court to render a perfectly valid decision invalid because the Queen of the Universe is starting to see that needle in her dreams. 

Once a motion has been filed, unfortunately the presiding judge has no choice but the read the stupid fucking thing, laugh hysterically, pass it around to the office so they can all laugh hysterically and then stamp a big fat DENIED on it.

Now I have been a Law Professor for weeks and I have never seen a motion that is 59 pages long ever. That was not a type-o. Alfred E. is pulling out all the stops on this one. If he is going down it is going to be in flames since this is possibly the most insane and incoherent motion that this Law Professor has ever read. It’s almost like he let pigvomit write it.

Because I feel really bad that Judge Stephens has to read and rule on this thing, I have decided to bring my own goddamn motion. My Motion To Quash the Motion to Quash the Consideration of the Death Penalty appears below. I managed to come in at somewhere under 59 pages, so no world record for me.

Professor Kelly Really Big Mean Dog McFadden #666666
Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law
52 Main Street Rockford
Buttfuck No Where
Planet Earth- Mostly
youaresoscrewed@gmail.com

Attorney of record for defense of actual lawyers everywhere and probably the constitution
This motion is brought forth in answer to war and peace uh, I mean the 59 page motion filed by Alfred E. Nurmi and his band of lackey’s et al.

It is the contention of the Really Big Mean Dog School of Law that the Motion to dismiss State’s Notice Of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to Continued State Misconduct is flawed on several levels and therefore I respectfully present my motion to quash their motion to quash the states motion of intent to seek the death penalty.

I make this motion based on Stabby’s choice to continue to engage in a persistent pattern of general fuckery which has left her in a position where she has not a leg to stand on.
When considering this motion I ask the court to consider only real facts and not the ones that Stabby and her minions have made up. You know, like the fact that she almost cut Travis’ head off. Finally, given the ever changing nature of the stories she makes up, I reserve the right to supplement this motion any time I feel like it.

Summary of Argument.

The bitch did it.
The bitch admitted she did it.
The bitch does not have a non made up mitigating factor anywhere.

Relevant Facts

She stabbed a man 27 times, cut his neck so deep his head almost fell off and shot him.
She did it because she was a jealous narcissistic butthurt bitch.
She couldn’t care less that she killed a man.

Other Relevant Facts

Someone made up a fake account for Detective Flores Wife with the handle Imbossthatway
We all know that it was Sandra Webber
She is doing everything in her power to get herself put into the middle of this trial
She may or may not be hot for the defendant
She is trying very hard to ruin the reputation of a fine detective and his very lovely wife
She needs to stop before shit gets real.
All the other crap in the motion to dismiss has already been seen about as many times as Stabby’s cooch.

Facts Relating to the State Letting Potential Mitigation Witnesses Know That if They Lied They Would Be Charged With Perjury

Patty Womack was warned that she would be questioned on the murder money she got for selling pictures to various media outlets. Patty was worried since she is on Welfare and she could be charged and her free money taken away, which would cause her to not be able to procure drugs.
Matt McCartney was warned that he would be charged with perjury for lying about Travis being a pedophile.
Mom of Stabby was told she would be questioned about all the non beatings and all the fun things she had to say about her psycho daughter during police questioning.

Conclusion

The defenses actions in the case tell a tale of misconduct and fame seeking which started long before this trial ever did. As the facts of the above very obviously demonstrate, this motion should have never been brought forth and I urge the court to regard it for what it is; another waste of a lot of perfectly good paper and yet another stall tactic by the defense. I request that the motion be quashed.

Respectfully Submitted this 4th day of October 2014

Kelly M McFadden
Professor of Law and Dean of Fuckery
Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law.

And there you have it class, a perfectly written motion to quash. Class dismissed.

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Sherriff Joe Vs The Volcano – Whatever, it fit, don’t judge me.

September 11, 2014

Insanity really is relative – Arizona
See What I did there? So, it is my day three of my never sleep again tour. I have stabby, I have Pusstorias, I have a bunch of other shit that may turn into shit that I am working on and now I’ve had the anti upped by one Film Maker and all the shenanigans at the JusticeforStabby website. I am drowning in crazy.

Before we get into the meat and potatoes of this blog, I have to give a HUGE shout out to The Juan Martinez Prosecutor Support Page, because they have been ferretting out stuff for me all damn night. If you are into facebook go check them out, it’s a good site for info on what Stabby and the Funky Bunch are up to. https://www.facebook.com/JuanMartinezProsecutorSupportPage

I always thought Sherriff Joe was a Misogynistic little prick with a mean spirit and a huge dose of delusions of grandeur on the side. I still do. However his crazy is relevant to my interests and I find that all the mean things I said out loud about him are still totally true, except now it involves Stabby so I can’t hate it. Damn you Sherriff Joe. (Not really Sherriff Joe, if you ran for office right now and I lived there I’d vote for you.)

See, Sherriff Joe has been in the closet for a very long time and he was afraid to come out. That made me think he was a weak little man. I was sooooo wrong. He stepped out in spectacular fashion the other day. Sherriff Joe was a closet stabby hater. No more. Bitch stepped out of that closet, locked the door and burned it down. All under the brilliant guise of what is best for the prison and Arizona and the population of earth in general. He wrote this. It may be the most eloquent fuck off and die letter I have ever read. I laughed, I cried, I hoped for a second page. It was however the last paragraph that made me love Sherriff Joe.

To put it succinctly. I am in charge, she is not. She can pretty much suck it if she thinks the whole world doesn’t realize what she is doing. I am sick of all her whining demanding bullshit. She is lying. I am peacing the fuck out. You are DENIED. The whole letter appears below in case you haven’t seen it. There are no doubt going to be several other blogs today. Pusstorius for sure, and more on Stabby and the whole mess that is J4Stabby.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10635973_293197484207168_5941767300516486712_n.jpg?oh=8dc78723a18a934b944bbceef3f6ea01&oe=5485D9CB&__gda__=1419045491_a9278972d448288248898730d92c7152

K, now I’m peacing the fuck out. Gotta make coffee. No I don’t run on pure amusing venom. Don’t tell anyone.


Reality V Stabby Einstein

September 9, 2014

Reality is why drugs were invented – Arizona

Hey kiddies, I’m back with another little ditty about everyone’s least favorite sociopath, Stabby. Unfortunately tonights blog comes as a two parter. If you have not read this brilliantly written piece by Stabby, I’m sorry for assaulting your brain, but in order to understand part b you are gonna have to just trust me and read part a. Or don’t, your call.

stbby 2
(click to resize)

Reality V Jodi Arias – A rebuttal of what is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. (And kids, that’s saying something)

Wondering how hard it could be to smuggle a gun, a knife, some rope and two ninjas into solitary confinement – Arizona.

I’ve had many nicknames, because I am a raging whoredog who will do whatever it takes to get whatever I want. Travis was a gentleman so he wouldn’t call me words like my other boyfriends did, he figured whore wasn’t that offensive considering the amount of shit I put him through. When he would talk, I would totally tune out or start singing in my head, or have conversations with myself because lets all be real here, I am much more interesting than Travis.

Occasionally as happens in EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, Travis and I would be cross with one another and he would raise his voice. Because in his soul he was a gentle, sweet man, he always immediately apologized and said he would try to remember not to speak when angry. I know he would not want to be remembered as someone other than the man he was; a man who believed in his god, but was human and made human mistakes. That is why I immediately did as much damage to his image and integrity as humanly possible. Had I been able to launch a scud in the courtroom at his family, I don’t think the effects would have been any different.

Now I am butthurt because people are calling me names. Hodi isn’t even a bad one, it’s just stupid and I don’t like it. I also don’t like Stabby, Scariass, or the brown haired thing. I’m still pretty ok with three hole wonder.

What bothers me – and really saddens me- is that people obviously love and respect Travis Alexander despite my very best efforts, and believe me I gave it everything I had. Fuck, I even forged letters. Good ones. But, like they say kill a guy that everybody loved and haters gonna hate.

I want all the haters to go away because they are mean like Nurmi and that pit-bull creature that prosecuted, and that bitch that keeps writing blogs about me. The crazy one. She needs to STFU because it’s like she KNOWS me. It freaks me the fuck out. I also want them to go away because they may be convincing some of the Darwin Award Candidates not to give me money. After all, this is what all this has been about from the very beginning. Fame and money.