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I Promise to Tell the Truth, Part of the Truth, or None of the Truth……Whatever is Working For Me at The Time……Maybe.

September 17, 2014

The “Sherriff Joe Homey Don’t Play That House of Indefinite Incarceration” may have room for one more soon – Arizona

Hai Kids. It’s me, number 1 (Okay number 2 if you count Juan) Stabby hater extraordinaire Kelly. I am here with updates. We have actual written down in the court minutes trial dates. Jury Selection will start September 29th and the PENALTY PHASE RETRIAL is set to run through December 12, 2014 with the court dark on Fridays. I figure Judge Stephens finally said fuck it, every weekend is a long weekend till this bitch is off my docket forever. She has fully stocked the side-bar and has personally tested all the bottles to make sure they do indeed contain liquor.

Golden Corral has hired extra line cooks in preparation for the 200lbs Alfred E. Nurmi is going to put back on during this shit show.

All weed dealers in the immediate area have checked their phone lines and made sure they are still on Jenny From the Cell Blocks speed dial. Pageant moms across Arizona have submitted original designs for gowns for the glamour portion of the trial.

Esteban Flores has stocked up on good boy treats and checked the catch pole to make sure the loop closes properly. His order of squeaky Nurmi dog toys is expected next week.

The court vet has double checked his tranquilizer supply and fired off a couple of test rounds to make sure the gun is firing properly. Wouldn’t want a miss-fire in the courtroom when Juan is really foaming at the mouth.

Juan has finally calmed down from his laughing fit and was seen mauling an attack dummy in preparation for the re-trial.

Stabby has been endlessly doodling in hopes of an impromptu art show of her totally ripped off from other artists designs. Tracing is a mitigating factor you know.

ChaCha Delarosa Was seen trying on outfits to wear to the re-trial. She was going for a more professional look this time. I think it worked.
ChaCha DeLaRosa

Alyce in Blunderland has not come out of hiding since the first trial.

Stabby’s Pencil was seen getting a new point. Looking sharp Pencil!!

All the Chairs of the Court are safe in the Ikea protection program. The will be brought to court by moving van convoy flanked by swat teams early on the morning of the 29th.

The ninjas and the screwdriver Skateboard gang were unavailable for comment.

Lisa Schilling and Jason Weber were last seen in Las Vegas. Their whereabouts now is unknown.

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The Phone call that Rocked the World (not really but I couldn’t think of another title)

September 6, 2014

Crazy just asked for itself to be redefined-Arizona

Well kiddies, looks like Stabby Einstein really is the gift that keeps on giving. After serious and intense contract negotiations with my in house Psychic she is back (thank you jesus) and we all get to find out what stabby really meant during that totally not orchestrated or released on purpose phone recording.

First, a few interesting points. Three way calls are the big no no in Jail. BIG no no. And not the big no no that resides south of Stabby’s belt line. Also, Satan Skyped me earlier and he now wants a per diem every time his input is needed for something related to this trial. I think he’s trying to save up so he can peace the fuck out if Stabby actually gets the death penalty because apparently even the prince of darkness doesn’t want anything to do with that kind of crazy. He said something about Judas Iscariot and PolPot running the show in his absence so no worries, hell will still be looked after. Oh and apparently Caligula will be performing once a week. There are still seats up front just in case you are interested.

Anyway, here is a copy of what the phone call said, and then we are going to have our lovely, talented and totally appreciated in house psychic tell us what the conversation was really about. Did I thank Jesus yet for my in house psychic. God forbid I have to do these things myself. Also, I had to go to the first circle of hell which is the “stabby Arias is innocent” Bwhahahahaha, sorry I can never type that without laughing, website to get this, so….you’re welcome.

Jodi Lisa
Lisa Yes – hey Jodi
Jodi I thought you were at work. Hey, um—
Lisa Well, I’m at lunch right now
Jodi Oh, okay. Who was it that told me? Oh, Maria [Del La Rosa], she said that, um, someone had told her that you had said online last night that I was supportive of the site and I don’t want to give people that impression because I can’t support the site right now as long as you guys are collecting money. Because it should be—
Lisa No we didn’t—
Jodi Huh?
Lisa No, we didn’t say you supported it. We said that you weren’t – not – you didn’t tell us to take it down which is what everyone else is saying.
Jodi Oh. Well, I don’t mind the site being there. But what I do mind is like that Jason is collecting money and that this corporation thing and that he’s promoting it as if something that I want – because I really don’t. I want the collection of money to stay within my family. And I think that if he really did support me he would just use all that traffic and energy and momentum that he’s building and just direct it toward the Appellate Fund, which is where it should be going to begin with. And remember when you and I were like first getting together with these ideas, it was more about how we can promote the Appellate Fund. But it seems like now it’s gone in a different direction. But, I just, that’s the only —
Lisa So if we collect money, are you saying that you don’t want it?
Jodi Yaah. No-no-no — I’m not saying that. I’m saying that I don’t want other people outside of my family to be accepting money on my behalf. Because it takes away from the fundraising that my family is trying to do for me,for one, and for two, with the Corporation, we don’t really know where that money is ultimately going to go, because it can go wherever the board members want it to go. And, as I told Jason, for example, if you guys vote to have an ice cream party with it, then you can. And he said that’s right. But with the Appellate Fund, it’s in the trust fund and irrevocable trust so you can’t have it go anywhere else. [unintelligible] trust it
Lisa Well, well — we’re not going to do that though.
Jodi Well, I know. But the point is that if you wanted to you could. If you want to reward your hard work with like a trip to Vegas you know, or something. If you [unintelligible] wanna or something—
Lisa No. I mean, but we’re not gonna do that though. And that’s why we have a board because, so, for that oversight.
Jodi Well, I know that’s true but I was just thinking if someone were on that for example and they everyone wants to vote to like going to cruise, for example. And then one persons like, “Hey that’s not right. This money is for Jodi’s appeals. And that’s not right.” And then people are mad and then people just have to vote that person off the board and then they can do what they want with money. That’s how it works. I’m not saying that’s going to happen but the problem that when people donate to a cause they believe in then, they wanna know where the moneys gonna go. But at this point they don’t know where it’s gonna go unless they donate to the trust. It can only go to there — to [unintelligle]
Lisa No but we have to [unintelligible] we, but we have to report our financials and where it’s going. So—
Jodi Yah.
Lisa Then I must be—
Jodi I haven’t [unintelligible] your bylaws but they’re, you know. I dunno — I just, I don’t feel, I don’t feel right with it. I don’t feel comfortable with it. I know you guys have worked really hard on it and I’m sorry it’s gotten this far, but—
Lisa So you don’t even want to look at the bylaws or — ?
Jodi Well, I don’t — really haven’t seen the bylaws. I, I honestly, I don’t want to be involved with it. Because I just feel it takes away from the efforts that my other friends and family have been trying to get the fund going to try to get me an attorney. Um, you know, I just—I feel like it’s taken away from that and that’s the problem. The other thing I’m uncomfortable with is that Jason has just done this without my consent. [unintelligible] “Hey you guys, Jodi’s not quite comfortable with this yet, but we’re trying to explain [unintelligible] to understand what’s going on and we’re doing [unintelligible]. [unintelligible] on there an lies. “Jodi supports us 100%.” And I haven’t. I’ve never said that. So the fact that he just lies about that makes me not trust him, you know? It’s like if you’re going to lie about that what else are you doing, you know? And then he registered the site in my name and I never said to register my name. And he puts Perryville’s physical address on there? That, that’s just, that
could get me into some, I dunno, that could potentially cause problems for me. So I know he took that off, but still, you know, it’s just, I think it’s just the fact that—I really wanted to support Jason. He has a lot of talent and everything, but I can’t. He [unintelligible] slams Pandora, he slams Maria, he slams SJ, he slams Ben, he slams Maria De La Rosa. I’m like, what?
Lisa No, but they all slammed us first though!
Jodi I know, but, I never said [unintelligible]—
Lisa They called us thieves and liars and stealing before [unintelligible]
Jodi [unintelligible] Well I dunno so much about what happened between him and Pandora and Maria and everything but he, he straight up just said a whole bunch of like, he dragged out records on people and humiliated them and I just, I dunno, it’s just. And then my art, like he—he doesn’t care about me. He slammed my art because he doesn’t like SJ. Like he still, like he so blinded by his dislike for SJ that he will throw my art under the bus just to get to SJ. He doesn’t care if it affects me. And he doesn’t care if affects my family and you know, their ability to travel to my trial. So, I dunno know, it’s just. I don’t — Everything says don’t trust Jason. Like, why was he so intent about having control over the money when my aunt started to — he, he coerced my aunt into giving her the password to the Paypal, giving him the password to my Paypal, which is weird, like, no one else needed that just to put it on the web site. You just need the code. But he wanted to be, he wanted more than that. Like every time he’s asking for more and more and more. And now he’s—
Lisa No. Well, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. I’m— Yer just getting all the wrong information. He wanted the password because he [unintelligible] to put, like a banner in there so it would look professional and—
Jodi I know, well—
Lisa I mean, everybody’s just twistin’ everything up.
Jodi Well, the problem though is that I told him, I told him this directly on the phone, the problem with you having that email is that now you get the email notifications and you’re not supposed to be getting them. And
[unintelligible]
Lisa Why though.
Jodi [unintelligible]
Lisa I know, but we fixed all that. We complied with everything you guys wanted. And then you still took it away.
So, I mean, we got everything straight before you took the domain away. — — — Are you still there?

Take it away if you please, oh beloved and much revered in house psychic.
Really, this is the first thing you make me do. You know I hate you right? Sigh. Fine, pass the Gravol and the Tylenol and lets get this shit show started.

Lisa, you fucking peon why do I even have to have this conversations with you right now? If you were working like you should be, I would not have to be doing this and could be thinking about new ways to stall the trial…..like leaking a three way phone conversation. Carry on. God you are stupid.

Anyway, I can’t let anybody think that I totally support a site that I totally support because it’s all about me,me,me because you guys are collecting money that might somehow end up in the Alexander’s hands due to that whole wrongful death thing. Assholes. I can’t believe you can even sue for that. That is why my Mormon god created irrevocable trusts. All money collections need to stay within my family because the tighter that particular box stays closed the less likely people are to figure out that the state has to pay for my appeals and shit. Appellate fund. I cannot believe they even went for that. Plus, I know you guys are making money off of me and I just will NOT have that. That money is mine. I murdered for it fair and square and I get to keep it. Fuck Son of Sam and fuck Juan Martinez. It’s mine.

For when I ultimately get released which is totally going to happen. I know they think this is just a penalty phase retrial, but I plan on retrying my entire case. I don’t care what Nurmi says, I can if I want too. Wait shit missed what this stupid bitch just said. Something about a banner? WTF? Anyway, you douches think you are going to make money off of my hard work and throw my art under a bus because it’s tracings of real art and you get my email notifications which is really a bad idea because of all the naked pics I have floating around out there. I don’t want you idiots to figure out who I really am. Like that would ever happen. I could cut off someone’s head in front of 20 of you and nobody would believe I did it, I am just that good. If it wasn’t for that goddamn Juan Martinez and his “evidence” I’d be out of here already. Jenny is still my friend, she’ll help me totally kick Juan’s ass this time. I hate that little bastard. How dare these people try and steal my murder money. Do they think I’m stupid. I’m Stabby Einstein bitch.

Whatever, I don’t need to talk to this moron anymore, like she understands anything that comes forth from my brilliant mind anyway. Bitch. Probably ugly too. I’m just gonna hang up and go admire myself in my stainless steel toilet or something. I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and……..I’m out. I still don’t think you pay me enough for this shit, but we both know I’ll be back. This is the in house Psychic going to try and drill a small hole in my head and bleach my brain. Back to you oh task master.

So there you have it kids. This is what Stabby was actually thinking while she was talking.


The Stabby Arias Book Club Selections

September 3, 2014

Pretty bored waiting for the new farce of a PENALTY PHASE RETRIAL- Arizona

Hi kiddies, it’s your favorite neighborhood Stabby hater, here for another installation of things I can write about while I wait until hell freezes over for the PENALTY PHASE RETRIAL to begin.
I got to thinking about our altruistic little Stabbykins and how she wants to help all those poor illiterate single language speaking singlehandedly ruining the planet with all of their un-recycled trash inmates. What a noble creature Stabby is. The whole book club thing is a stroke of genius. Not as genius as my idea for the Jeffrey Dahmer School of Culinary arts, but it’s right up there.

I think about things all the time. Deep, deep things. You know, like Einstein. I have come up with a selection of Books for the Stabby Arias Hail Mary If This Doesn’t Work I’m Screwed Book Club. Wholesome reads for all of the exemplary human beings that are totally being framed right now as we speak and they didn’t do it.

1. American Psycho. Believe it or not, this is NOT about Stabby. I myself was shocked.
2. How to infringe copyright for fun and profit
3. Setting up an irrevocable trust under questionable circumstances.
4. Screw Son of Sam.
5. Snow White and the seven abusive little pricks who all mysteriously died in their sleep.
6. The court pencil and Nurmi’s Chair have a very bad day.
7. How to successfully pretend to be a superior court judge
8. Pitbulls for dummies
9. Hair dye – It can make a difference
10.How to use twitter to your advantage
11.HLN can suck it
12.How I became a Ninja-not based on true events
13.Migraines-not just for work sick days anymore
14.How to successfully harass anyone.

I am sure there are many that I have yet to come up with, but that should give the Stabby Arias Hail Mary If This Doesn’t Work I’m Screwed Book club some reading material to start off with.

Stabby, feel free to contact me anytime for more suggestions cuz I know that your good buddy Donovan is an avid reader. Hi Donavan. When exactly am I getting sued by the way? Any firm date yet or is it still just take it down or blah blah blah.


The Clusterfuck to end all Clusterfucks

August 28, 2014

This is getting too weird even for me -Arizona.

So looks like Stabby is going Pro-Se unless Judge Stephens will get rid of that mean old “I don’t like Jodi 9 days out of 10” hater Nurmi. If the judge will just bend to Stabby’s superior intellect, then Jenny From the cell block can represent her and everybody will be happy. ESPECIALLY Nurmi who would love nothing more than to peace the fuck out.

Since it seems that good old ninja loving stabby needs to be interviewed by someone and some kind of report needs to be filed from said interview I’m going to go out on a limb and call an insanity defense as a mitigating factor which would in effect if believed not allow her to be sentenced to death. I’m sure I read somewhere that you cannot visit the death penalty on the legally insane.

Today, to the shock of no one anywhere ever I found out that good old Stabby, true to form wants the judge to lift the ban on having no live coverage during the penalty phase retrial. I cannot say penalty phase retrial enough because I swear Stabby and the funky bunch seem to think they are getting a do over and she is not really a convicted first degree murderess with aggravating factors. speaking of aggravating factors I am going to need to stock up on valium, Gravol and Tylenol before this shit show starts once again.

She was also granted a motion to go into Travis’ old house. Well, not her personally but for her “investigator” to do it. To what end I have no clue, maybe to burn it down and blame it on the ninjas, who the hell knows with this nutbag.

Jury selection has been pushed back to September 29th because the mean old people at the mean old jail wouldn’t let her “witness” sign in the way she wanted them to be able to sign in and it caused a delay.

Here are my predictions. First, like I said she is going for insanity which is not that far of a stretch for her acting ability. Second, Nurmi is apt to have an “accident” while Stabby was feeling threatened by him because he was talking all mean and stuff to her. Third, Judge Stephens will go back on everything that she has supposedly already set in stone and the penalty phase retrial won’t start until 2045 and fourth, a full camera crew, makeup department and stunt double will be provided for her highness stabby.

I will keep you as updated as I can, but since just about everything is sealed right at the moment I can only get so much information.


Lets Talk about Stabby and the Funky Bunch Shall We? It’s been a While and I have things to say.

April 15, 2014

Stabby, oh Stabby how I have missed crushing you into the ground as is my way. I, like many of us have been taking a wait and see. Wait and see if cameras are eventually going to be allowed back in the courtroom. My opinion is that they are, my in house Psychic says I am wrong and asked for the Tylenol. I say Stabby is slowly but inexorably painting herself into a very bad corner.
Stabby’s latest debacle is a rant at Howard Stern via her new best friend ( see: another man she can use) by the name of Ass napkin. Ass napkin seems totally enthralled that stabby has deinghed to allow him into her batshit crazy little world. She wrote him a letter, not a postcard which he immediately shared with the internet and Howard Stern. In typical passive aggressive fashion she thanked him for writing and then berated him for sharing because of course that was totally not what stabby wanted him to do. It really didn’t say much but the fact that she is still courting the press tells me that she is trying to force the cameras out because she knows how very much that is going to aggravate the general population at large. Stabby is predictable much to the relief of my poor overworked in house Psychic.

We all know the bitch is a psychopath so I’m not going to get into that much but I do have a few little tidbits that I find quite interesting. First the almost smuggled pinwheel picture. Mitigation my ass. It was to be smuggled out to be used as prints and sold for the family trust. I have a few questions about that. I know there is a Son of Sam law in effect. If the point of the trust is to pay for defense and appeals, why is it that the great state of Arizona is still on the hook to the tune of millions for Stabby’s defence. Everyone is aware of what she is doing so why have the powers that be not done something to plug that rather huge loophole?

Stabby is smart. Not Einstein smart. I more liken it to sly. I promise you that the Juanderful Mr. Martinez is smarter.

Stabby is running out of options and I do not say this lightly when I say that there is nothing on earth more dangerous than a cornered animal. Hence the threats against Mr. Martinez which I also find credible. Stabby’s lawyers hate her. The public at large hates her. She has been backed into a corner respleat with a gurnew and several deadly drugs. We will get there, of that I have no doubt.

I hate this narcissistic Bitch with a fire that burns in me like nothing has in a very long time.

Justice for Travis, but more importantly……JUSTICE. We will get there, we will!! Have Faith and always remember what this bitch did. 27 violent stab wounds, a throat slit from ear to ear almost decapitating a man and a gunshot wound just to make sure. Justice will out.

I believe Judge Stephens will reverse the cameras in the courts thing, I KNOW she has Stabby’s number and I think she is just trying to limit appeal material. Don’t be so quick to write Stephens off.


Totally Not Made Up Unasked Juror Questions, Alyce in Blunderland Edition

June 11, 2013

I’m not on lockdown 23 hours a day- Arizona

Well, Satan has sent me up the next batch of unasked juror questions, these ones were all for Alyce LaToilette, I mean LaViolette.   He also skyped me to let me know that we can keep this one too, because if we haven’t noticed “This bitch also be crazy.”  Everybody thank Satan.

Totally Unasked Juror Questions for Alyce LaViolette:

1.  Are you high?  If so, where can I get some of what you are taking?

2. Have you always been a man hating bitch, or is it a recent development.

3. Can I have the number for your dealer?

4. Are you the one who filled out the forms for Stabby and if so did she pay you or did you take it out in trade?

5. Theoretically, if you did put Juan in a timeout and it didn’t work, would your next option be to spank him?  If yes can I volunteer?

6. The fuck?

7. Do you dream of severed penises?

8. Do you eat severed penises?

9. Are you mad at us?

10. Where is your office located?  I ask because I want to make sure I never, ever go there.

11. What exactly do you have against dwarfs?

12. How do you feel about garden gnomes?

13. Are we being punked?

There you have it everyone.  The questions the Jurors really wanted to know but the judge was afraid to ask.


Totally Not Made up Unasked Juror Questions

June 7, 2013

I can still make up shit too Stabby! – Arizona

Well, as everyone in Blunderland knows by now, there have been a pile of unasked Juror questions unearthed.  Apparently Satan perused them for his amusement and then sent them back on up so that a plan could formulate in my interestingly twisted little brain.  So, with that in mind, I have for you “TOTALLY NOT MADE UP UNASKED JUROR QUESTIONS!

Totally NOT made up unasked questions for Stabby.

1.  Dude, seriously?!

#2 – No really dude, SERIOUSLY?????

#3 – Since we all know that Stabby is a lying bitch, can we just poll the jury right now and maybe we can beat the lunch time traffic?

#4- I want to clean my camera, what setting on the washing machine do you recommend?

#5- Do you have any problems with anal leakage, and if so how do you deal with it?

#6- Did anyone perform a cavity search to see if you hid the gun in any of your three wonder holes?

#7- Do you think people can roll over in their graves?  Just wondering!!

#8- If you get a wrong order at Starbucks, do you go into a fog and forget why you went there?  If you do, how do you know your order was wrong?

#9- Can you sing “Oh Holy Night, while simultaneously climbing through a doggy door and hiding behind a Christmas tree?

#10- Would you like a Tylenol for Migraine?

#11- Is it possible for you to please tell Jenny from the cell block to SHUT THE FUCK UP?  KTHX

#12-Is it true that Dior called and they want their ad back?

#13-Have you ever taken acting lessons?  If you have, are you aware they did not work?

 

Totally NOT made up questions for LaViolette, and Dr. Fog to follow.

Sorry for the short one everybody, I’ve been hella sick.


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