I Got Carjacked By A Black Man And My Kids Are In The Car…Goddammit way wrong trial. The Hippies Did It Part 3

January 1, 2018

Hai my lovelies.  We are at that titular moment where your queen must ask that you go get out your Pretoria puke buckets because shit is about to get mad real.  I have barf bags for anyone who has misplaced their Pretoria puke bucket.

So when we left Dr Fuckface he was dyyyyyyying and the MP’s and EMS had arrived.  Now they had multiple dead and the aforementioned dyyyyyying not a doctor MacDonald to deal with.  So they basically trampled the crime scene into oblivion.  Some fuckhead stood a flowerpot up,  someone lifted MacDouchebags wallet, and eleventy billion footprints went in and out of the house.  It was not what one would call a pristinely kept crime scene.

Shit I forgot a weapon.  Bad queen, bad, bad queen.  There was also a Geneva forge steak knife that was impaled in Colette’s chest.  It is important because one of the first spontaneous utterances from MacDiemotherfuckerdie was tell the MP’s I pulled the knife out of her chest cuz guess what finger prints were about to appear on the Geneva Forge steak knife…I’ll wait.  Machowisthisfuckerstillalive’s finger prints that’s whose.  Five points for Griphendore.  Anyway, stupid actually did give himself a omg I’m going to have to spell that again fuck it he collapsed his lung.  That was pretty much the extent of his injuries.  a collapsed lung which was self inflicted and a hair brush booboo.

Colette suffered two broken in several places arms, She was stabbed `16 times with a knife,  21 not 14 like I erroneously said yesterday icepick puncture wounds, and a whole bunch of blue fibres underneath the body that was already dead when MacAsshole got there.  Hmmm. Odd. Colette was pregnant with a 5 month old fetus of male gender.  And in the words of Forrest Gump that is all I have to say about that.    Then there was the word PIG (cue helter skelter) written on the headboard of the bed with a whole bunch of blue fibres scattered at the bottom of where the word was written.  Strange that.  These blue fibres just seem to be in all kinds of places that they should not be.  Maybe the hippies did it.  Except that they didn’t. These pesky fibres seemed to be showing up in the oddest places.  Both children’s rooms, under the blankets in the children’s rooms, on Colette, under Colette.  And wood splinters.  Lots of wood splinters in very strange places.  Now poor little Jeffy was at the hospital and Mr. and Mrs. Kasaab, who happened to really love Jeff went to see him at the hospital and my only thinking here is that they were so grief stricken that they were willing to believe anything at this point.  Anything that would explain the slaughter of their entire family.

MacGofuckyourselfwithapineapple fell asleep in the living room and it was there that he was awakened by someone thumping him with a club.  Then he heard his entire family screaming simultaneously which puts at least three more people in an army issue housing unit so that’s seven and him being a green beret and all had to save his family.  somehow and this is important it will be on the test, somehow got his pyjama top pulled up over his head and wrapped around his arms.  He used it to ward off blows from some kind of blade and the next thing he knew he woke up in the hallway.  The pyjama top was still wrapped around his wrists at this point, torn, shredded and he took it off as he went into the bedroom.

Wanna know where they didn’t find any blue fibres or wood splinters?….I’ll wait…THE LIVING ROOM where Jeffrey MacDiebitchdie was in the middle of a life and death struggle with not one, not two, not three but four hippies high on acid.  Acid is groovy kill the pigs.  Oh PUHLEASE.  It was that statement right there that convinced me he did it.  that one single statement.

So now Jeffy has regained consciousness  and he ran a marathon with his mortal (puke buckets would now be appropriate) wounds. He called for help,  He ran to check Colette, he gave her artificial respiration which just came out in bloody bubbles on her chest, he ran to check his own wounds, he checked both children, he looked out back (oddly enough that is where all the murder weapons were found) and he called for help again.  Under two minutes he performed all those acts in.  Look out Hussein Bolt.

The CID figured out pretty fast that Macyougointojailbitch did it.  It was pretty simple math.  It was proving it and they made a huge, gigantic mess out of that.  So much so that Macyouaresogoingtobechangingthatbabiesdiapersinhellforever almost got away with it.

They brought him in for questioning and pointed out he obvious, that they had seen all night poker parties that had caused more damage than the damage in the living room where a struggle between four acid fueled hippies and one green beret took place.

Freddy Kasaab was at first MacDidImentionIwouldlikeyoutodie his staunchest supporter.  Funny thing that.  It would be Freddy Kasaab who truly loved Jeffrey at that point in time that would be MacMygodyouareapieceofshit’s biggest supporter.  Want to know what is even funnier.  It would be Freddy’s single mindedness in finding the killers that brought him to a realization that probably cut him at least as deeply as the death of his precious Colette and her babies.  Jeffrey MacDonald did it.  Freddy Kasaab spent the next several years making sure he paid for it.

Let’s tune in tomorrow and find out what Freddy did.

RBMD peacing the fuck out


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