I Got Carjacked By A Black Man And My Kids Are In The Car…Goddammit way wrong trial. The Hippies Did It Part 3

January 1, 2018

Hai my lovelies.  We are at that titular moment where your queen must ask that you go get out your Pretoria puke buckets because shit is about to get mad real.  I have barf bags for anyone who has misplaced their Pretoria puke bucket.

So when we left Dr Fuckface he was dyyyyyyying and the MP’s and EMS had arrived.  Now they had multiple dead and the aforementioned dyyyyyying not a doctor MacDonald to deal with.  So they basically trampled the crime scene into oblivion.  Some fuckhead stood a flowerpot up,  someone lifted MacDouchebags wallet, and eleventy billion footprints went in and out of the house.  It was not what one would call a pristinely kept crime scene.

Shit I forgot a weapon.  Bad queen, bad, bad queen.  There was also a Geneva forge steak knife that was impaled in Colette’s chest.  It is important because one of the first spontaneous utterances from MacDiemotherfuckerdie was tell the MP’s I pulled the knife out of her chest cuz guess what finger prints were about to appear on the Geneva Forge steak knife…I’ll wait.  Machowisthisfuckerstillalive’s finger prints that’s whose.  Five points for Griphendore.  Anyway, stupid actually did give himself a omg I’m going to have to spell that again fuck it he collapsed his lung.  That was pretty much the extent of his injuries.  a collapsed lung which was self inflicted and a hair brush booboo.

Colette suffered two broken in several places arms, She was stabbed `16 times with a knife,  21 not 14 like I erroneously said yesterday icepick puncture wounds, and a whole bunch of blue fibres underneath the body that was already dead when MacAsshole got there.  Hmmm. Odd. Colette was pregnant with a 5 month old fetus of male gender.  And in the words of Forrest Gump that is all I have to say about that.    Then there was the word PIG (cue helter skelter) written on the headboard of the bed with a whole bunch of blue fibres scattered at the bottom of where the word was written.  Strange that.  These blue fibres just seem to be in all kinds of places that they should not be.  Maybe the hippies did it.  Except that they didn’t. These pesky fibres seemed to be showing up in the oddest places.  Both children’s rooms, under the blankets in the children’s rooms, on Colette, under Colette.  And wood splinters.  Lots of wood splinters in very strange places.  Now poor little Jeffy was at the hospital and Mr. and Mrs. Kasaab, who happened to really love Jeff went to see him at the hospital and my only thinking here is that they were so grief stricken that they were willing to believe anything at this point.  Anything that would explain the slaughter of their entire family.

MacGofuckyourselfwithapineapple fell asleep in the living room and it was there that he was awakened by someone thumping him with a club.  Then he heard his entire family screaming simultaneously which puts at least three more people in an army issue housing unit so that’s seven and him being a green beret and all had to save his family.  somehow and this is important it will be on the test, somehow got his pyjama top pulled up over his head and wrapped around his arms.  He used it to ward off blows from some kind of blade and the next thing he knew he woke up in the hallway.  The pyjama top was still wrapped around his wrists at this point, torn, shredded and he took it off as he went into the bedroom.

Wanna know where they didn’t find any blue fibres or wood splinters?….I’ll wait…THE LIVING ROOM where Jeffrey MacDiebitchdie was in the middle of a life and death struggle with not one, not two, not three but four hippies high on acid.  Acid is groovy kill the pigs.  Oh PUHLEASE.  It was that statement right there that convinced me he did it.  that one single statement.

So now Jeffy has regained consciousness  and he ran a marathon with his mortal (puke buckets would now be appropriate) wounds. He called for help,  He ran to check Colette, he gave her artificial respiration which just came out in bloody bubbles on her chest, he ran to check his own wounds, he checked both children, he looked out back (oddly enough that is where all the murder weapons were found) and he called for help again.  Under two minutes he performed all those acts in.  Look out Hussein Bolt.

The CID figured out pretty fast that Macyougointojailbitch did it.  It was pretty simple math.  It was proving it and they made a huge, gigantic mess out of that.  So much so that Macyouaresogoingtobechangingthatbabiesdiapersinhellforever almost got away with it.

They brought him in for questioning and pointed out he obvious, that they had seen all night poker parties that had caused more damage than the damage in the living room where a struggle between four acid fueled hippies and one green beret took place.

Freddy Kasaab was at first MacDidImentionIwouldlikeyoutodie his staunchest supporter.  Funny thing that.  It would be Freddy Kasaab who truly loved Jeffrey at that point in time that would be MacMygodyouareapieceofshit’s biggest supporter.  Want to know what is even funnier.  It would be Freddy’s single mindedness in finding the killers that brought him to a realization that probably cut him at least as deeply as the death of his precious Colette and her babies.  Jeffrey MacDonald did it.  Freddy Kasaab spent the next several years making sure he paid for it.

Let’s tune in tomorrow and find out what Freddy did.

RBMD peacing the fuck out


The Screwdriver Wielding Skateboard Gang…Fuck, Sorry Wrong Trial Again. The Hippies Did It Part Two

December 31, 2017

Hai my lovelies.  Let us get back to the philandering, misogynistic, reprehensible human type hominid, piece of shit known as Jeffrey MacDonald

   What can I say, it seemed appropriate, although on a side note, I own a shirt that says surely not EVERYBODY was kung fu fighting.  I believe that is probably correct.

So, where were we?  Oh yeah boxing trip to Russia that never existed.  Anyway I’m gonna guess that is the proverbial straw although it could have been anything.  Maybe mama got tired of having two baby kids and one grown kid to fetch and carry for every single day, maybe she knew he was fucking anything that would stand still long enough for him to get his penis into, maybe she was pissed at his spending habits, maybe she was sick of being over ridden on every single nit picky thing.  Maybe all of them, but the experts all agree on one thing.  Colette likely landed the first blow in this battle royale.  He was brought into the ER with an abrasion on his temple which was surmised during the recreation of the crime scene to have probably come from a hair brush.  Bad choice of weapon.  So, now that superman I can do what I want when I want make us some drinks, i’m inviting the neighbours over, I have to go to Russia fuckface has been challenged and that my friends did not go over well in his psychotic and likely high on a wack of speed little brain.  (he was not tested for speed but joe McGuiness found some notes about it when going through macdonalds stuff, about how long it would take to metabolize and clear the bloodstream.  Anyway Jeffy Macfuckface came back with a piece of lumber which happened to be handy and rang Colette’s bell with it.  She bled profusely onto macdonalds pajama top before she grabbed the pocket and ripped it off.  remember that it will be on the test.

Kimmie, hearing the commotion came into mommy and daddys room and caught one in the head as MacDonald hauled up for another whack at Colette.  Kimmies skull was severely fractured and her cast off was found on the wall and in large quantities on the floor in the master bedroom.  About this time MacFuckface figured out he was well and truly fucked.  Pretty hard to explain you were just mad so you tried to beat your wife to death with a piece of timber.  He picked up Kimmie, put her back in her room and tucked her in, along with about of a dozen of the threads from his pyjama top that he supposedly did not have on according to the story he told later.  That was when he remembered good old burning in hell right now Charlie Manson and decided he better make some shit up.  the hippies did it seemed plausible so he went with that.  Now he was going to need an epic struggle with multiple assailants so he was going to need multiple weapons.  an old hickory knife and an icepick along with the club.  Colette had come to by this point and on instinct she tried to protect her cubs.  Machurryupanddiealready beat his soon to be dead wife furiously with the club as she lay across her child trying to protect her.  She likely died in that room.  Her blood spatter, brain matter and cast off were all found in the childs room.  He wrapped her up in some bedding and carried her very pregnant body back to the master, threw his pyjama top over her and then proceeded to icepick her 14 times.  Kimmie who was already dead from the crushed skull was attacked with the knife as well, and then the monster, this…thing went into his living baby child’s room, lay her across his lap and stabbed her to death.  She knew who killed her.  The daddy she loved so very much was the one inflicting all the pain she suffered before she died.  Had he been even slightly human he would have hit her femoral artery first, let her bleed out and then stabbed her after.  Much more humane.  At least in my opinion.  I mean he was a doctor, there are ways to do things and it still could look like the hippies did it.  Anyway, now he needed to stage a crime scene in the living room where he was supposedly attacked.  Jeffrey Macdonald is an idiot.  If you are staging a crime scene where a life and death struggle is supposedly taking place you fucking throw yourself around the room, you don’t just flip over a coffee table and prop it up with a copy of esquire prominently displayed with the articles about Mansons hippies in it.  Of course the neighbours might have become alarmed and we couldn’t have that.

Next Dr. Not a Doctor anymore fucker went into the bathroom, grabbed a scalpel which it has been surmised he hid under a floorboard and poked a hole between a couple of ribs.   Sadly he went to deep and nicked his lung and ended up with a pneumothorax for his trouble although it didn’t really go sideways till he was all tucked in at the hospital where in the immortal words of Freddy Kasaab, Colette’s step father “what wounds, he didn’t even have mecurachrome on him when we saw him”  True story.

He then staggered (barf) to a phone and begged for help(double barf). The MPS and ems showed up and totally fucked up the crime scene which is what made this trial drag on until the second coming of Christ.

Tomorrow, what happened at the hospital and how many fucking trials can one person possibly have.

RBMD peacing the fuck out.

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