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The Never Ending Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- The Psychological Vomit Edition

November 20, 2014

You’re going to need a bigger bucket – Arizona

Hai kids, welcome to yet another edition of the trials and tribulations of Stabby Einstein and the whole entire funky bunch. Todays post is brought to you by Shirley’s House of Pain and Pleasure where their motto is “If you or someone you know has a kink, we can turn it into a mitigating factor for you.”

Since this is just kinda the way we roll now I will provide you with updates before we get into the meat of todays trial.

I am going to live. Sorry PV. I do not need a heart transplant and yes that was apparently a possibility for a while, but the docs have decided that I do not, they can fix what is broken in mine. I have something called Ebsteins Anomoly. I am going to have to have two heart valves replaced which I know sounds really scary, but sounds much less scary than a removal and replacement of my heart. The also have to do some procedure while they are in there to help with the electrical impulses in my heart. Not a pacemaker but along the same idea.

Now that we have that all taken care of, onto todays big bunch of bullshit that is the retrial that will never end.

The day began with Great Nana Dr. Sexpert back on the stand to tell some more of the story that the defense paid her to tell. Dr. Sexpert begins by saying that Travis did not see Stabby as a real person outside of the bedroom. My immediate question was since I don’t see her as a real person now, does that make me a bad person? Today Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is also getting into Travis’ so called vulgarities apparently criticizing Stabby for looking cheap. I think she left the whore part off, cheap whore sounds much more appropriate to me.

Stabby and Jenny From the Cell Block were barely aware there was a trial going on around them they were so busy whispering and giggling with each other.

Dr. Sexpert, who is an expert on the subject because she was likely there when sex was invented and may or may not have gone to pre-school with Jesus is somewhat less than believable when everything that Stabby did was okay and everything that Travis did was deviant sexual behavior. They are paying her $275 per hour to say what they want her to day and after three mind numbing day on the stand where we have learned that the sex expert doesn’t know what Jizz or a fuckbuddy is, is finally getting to the day of the murder.

Juan is objecting to everything Nurmi asks. Great Nana Dr. Sexpert says it was a vicious killing, Horrible and Juan objects to the word horrible. She keeps trying to describe the scene that day and Juan keeps objecting, I’m guessing because she wasn’t there so she has no foundation to describe the scene. Nurmi tries again. Was this murder viscious? Yes. Was it horrible and Juan objects and is sustained again on horrible. Nurmi asks how you go to sex four hours earlier to that and Juan objects and there is a sidebar. Again, just my opinion, but since the she wasn’t there refereeing, there is no foundation for her to answer the question. We sidebar right up till lunchtime. Since everyone is aware that Juan is going to be up on cross at some point in the near future the vet is quietly brought in with extra tranquilizer darts and a case of goodboy treats are deposited on the prosecution table. The vet is looking decidedly nervous since Juan has been on full snarl since trial started this morning.

After lunch Alfred E. says he has just a few more questions. Dr. Sexpert says something happened in that bathroom but she doesn’t know what because she wasn’t there to which the entire planet replied “No. Really?” Nurms tried to wrap everything into a nice tidy this all happened because of abuse bow while a snarling and snapping Juan objected to everything through the muzzle that was about to be removed.

She says that what happened in that bathroom was Psychological vomit. Now there is a catch phrase for an office pamphlet. We specialize in psychological vomit. I know I’d want her for my paid expert. I got some vomit for ya, you crazy old bat. This by the way is Great Nana Dr. Sexpert. great nana Dr. Sexpert 2 She looks a lot more like an expert in mahjong than in deviant sexual behavior.  My lawyer emailed me about 3 hours ago and all it said was HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sex expert. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Flores quickly removed the muzzle and threw himself backwards while the vet aimed and fired. The first dart hit home but we won’t know for a few minutes if it is having the desired effect.

The dart didn’t work. “When her father smacked her across the back of the head and she yelled “FUCK YOU BILL” would you call that suffering in silence like you have been alluding too? Suddenly Great Nana Dr. Sexpert didn’t look quite so comfortable on the stand. Nurmi of course objects to everything. At one point I think he may have objected to his own objection.

Juan asks about a transcript of an interview with Carl. Dr. Sexpert says she never reviewed that transcript. Juan then barked out who is Carl. Dr. Sexpert answered (and I’m not making this up) Stabby’s Father. Once he was done laughing Juan said no, it’s her brother and then he said (you stupid useless bitch) in that tone only other dogs can hear.
Juan is demanding yes or no answers and Dr. Sexpert seems to think she doesn’t have to provide them. I guess she didn’t see what mincemeat LaToilette looked like and it looks like she may be headed in the same direction. He wants to know if she reviewed all the documents and she seems unsure and then he did it. He asked Dr. Sexpert if she was having problems with her memory and I laughed till I almost fell out of my chair.

It has been under 20 minutes and Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is beginning to crack like a walnut. A really, really old walnut. Nurmi of course is trying to do damage control and asked for a sidebar I would assume to let his expert collect herself. Good luck with that Nurms. Your expert is not prepared.

Sidebar is over and it would seem that Dr. Sexpert is anxious to spar with the mighty pit bull. Maybe it was all the talk of sexual deviance that didn’t exist that got Great Nana Dr. Sexperts juices flowing but she was definitely ready to roll around with Juan for a bit and Juan was every bit as ready to make her his bitch. And he proceeded to do just that. Juan asks a question, she tries to dance and it is that moment that sometimes Judge Stephens remembered that she is indeed sometimes a Judge and ordered Dr. Sexpert to answer. The good Doc seemed less than amused that she was not allowed to continue to offer complete dissertations instead of yes or no answers. Stabby was in deep discussions with Jenny from the Cell Block probably telling her she better get a leash on this expert or she was gonna get Stabbied. Juan got her to admit that she flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend and was not the stable slice of happy that Dr. Sexpert was trying to make her out to be.

Juan is now showing Dr. Sexpert a whole shit ton of papers that she has never seen. I’m SHOCKED. They all say that Stabby is a sociopath. Dr. Sexpert had no idea. It was a beautiful moment. She also has no idea at what point Stabby and Travis became a couple. Silly little facts that are maybe kind of important. She finally just agreed to go with 2007. YAY we’ve made progress. Juan actually had to prod her by asking if she watched the 48 hrs program. Dr. Sexpert said yes. Juan said do you recall her saying the date that they started dating? She said she vaguely remembered something like that. Pesky damn details anyway.

Dr. Sexpert didn’t feel that Stabby’s admitted violent streak, you know the one where she kicked holes in walls, smashed mirrors, maybe strangled a cat and disappeared a dog were not important facts to consider after a vicious murder. She outright admitted that Stabby’s anger issues had no bearing on her opinion on the case. (and then Jenny had someone wheel some more money out to Dr. Sexperts car) She said that Travis was the poisonous ingredient in the relationship and Stabby being a violent sociopath had nothing to do with it.

Juan asked if she was a mind reader for trying to answer questions before they are asked. She said she wished which of course is the totally professional thing to say in answer to that question.

Juan jumped slightly forward as another tranquilizer dart was successfully deployed and then continued with his questioning although he did seem to mellow just a little. He wanted to know if she knew the secret. She was rendered speechless. Of course he was referring to the Secret that Stabby adhered to that was in the notes that Dr. Sexpert had obviously not read.

Nurmi had a very bad day objection wise. He got overruled almost every time. Ahhhh, they must have had a lovers quarrel. Dr. Sexpert admits that all the info she went by was provided by the defense because that is who she was hired by.

Juan then put up the text about how she was getting her cooch waxed so it would be nice and smooth and asked Great Nana Dr. Sexpert which one of them instigated that particular email and poor Dr. Sexpert had to concede that it was the totally not seasoned stabbykins.

Court was dismissed till Monday at 9:30 am and we have a hearing about Nurmi’s evidence tampering tomorrow. YAY!! It would be so cool if he conducted the rest of his trial from closed circuit television from a prison cell.

That is it for tonight kids. Have a great night and I will C U 2morrow if I get anything about the hearing.

RBMD Peacing the fuck out.

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The Never Ending Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Re-Trial I Think There Are Antibiotics For That Edition

November 13, 2014

Computer experts should really learn some stuff about computers -Arizona

So sorry about last night everyone.  Apparently whatever they shot me up with at the cardiac center yesterday did not sit well with me and I ended up feeling quite ill.  My Cardiologist is supposed to have the results today and I will know more.

I have been getting the most fascinating emails lately.  It seems that the more ridiculous this farce of a penalty phase retrial becomes; the more desperate becomes the Stabbyites in their desire for me to shut the fuck up.  For example, I one stating that my love of four letter words makes me semi-literate, I got one saying I have no idea what I am talking about, I got one saying I am a flat out idiot.  There are 7 or 8 more which I am going to post in a special I got Stabby’s goat edition.  Oh, and YAY me.

Something happened at yesterdays court part whatever when it appeared that not a Judge Stephens decided she would like to retake the title of sometimes Judge Stephens and put the braked on the I’m Stabby Einstein bitch of course I get my way train.  She denied Alfred E. Nurmi’s motion to remove the cameras from the court room because we might all be reading lips you know.  He filed that motion after we all got to see Cha Cha chewing her cud while everybody was up at the sidebar.   Next, maybe sometimes Judge Stephens told Nurms she wasn’t aware he had made another motion for anything especially anything concerning porn files being deleted from a hard drive.  And then she may or may not have rolled her eyes right into the back of her head.   She then told him to get a fucking witness on the stand.  OK, so as of right now she is back to sometimes Judge Stephens.  Of course whiney pants boohoo’d that he needed at least a two or three day hearing preferably at golden coral to argue the matter and then just for good measure said his next witness was the “computer expert” and they wouldn’t be ready till the 21st of never.  Sometimes Judge Stephens wasn’t having it FOR ONCE and told him to put a witness on the stand NOW.

Nurmi continued to whine, claiming his “computer  expert” had found  the porn files on Travis’ Computer. Then he accused the police and the prosecutor and probably the entire Mormon population of erasing them so Travis wouldn’t look bad.

Someone removed Juans muzzle and he effectively shredded nurmi’s accusations along with an attack dummy shaped like Stabby before he could be darted and quietly led back to his seat.

Remember that virus I told you all about the other night?  Well, guess what?  It was that virus that I told you all about the other night.
He also mentioned that the computer was accessed six days after Travis was murdered. Gee, I wonder by whom?  The day in June when Nurmi claims that the police deleted the files, would be a time when  the computer was in the possession of Stabby’s’ prior defense team. They were the ones who insisted on looking at it, no doubt because Stabby had made sure there was porn on there.   Juan was in the room with them at the time.
Alfred E was so stunned that he actually started to stutter and I actually started to howl uncontrollably because that right there is KARMA with a capital K.  Nurmi of course immediately threw the other defense team under the bus and cried ineffective council yet again.  He also tried to blame the prosecution anyway because why the fuck not.

Judge Stephens was not the one so she told Nurmi she would hear all about it at a later date. Then she said get a witness, get one now or there were going to be issues far more pressing than deleted porn.  Nurmi kicked at the ground, called her a mean old lady under his breath and called Clinical Psychologist, Dr. L.C. Miccio-Fonseca.  She is apparently an expert in Sex disorders.  Sounds like we are probably all going to need an adult before this testimony is over.

The majority of her bought and paid for testimony was about emails between Travis and Chris and Sky Hughes. (Just as an aside, how does anybody know what anyone really means via text? There is no inflection, no body language, it is a sterile written word.) It was just the same stupid email from the trial where Stabby got COVICTED OF FIRST DEGREE AGRAVATED MURDER and was fairly boring.  The only interesting thing is that both the paid for expert and Nurmi kept referring to Travis and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

I pity this bitch when Juan gets up to cross examine because he is still pretty pissed about the whole prosecutorial misconduct thing.

Again guys, so sorry about last night.  This was the very first thing I did when I got up.

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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Re-Trial- Welcome to North Korea Edition

October 30, 2014

We suddenly have ZERO complaints about our justice system – Anywhere that is NOT Arizona

Hai kids. It is me, Stabby hater to the Nth degree, Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery, blogger extraordinaire and resident sarcasm expert Kelly.  Hope everyone is well.  There was no blog yesterday because as we all know, Stabby had a day off and Bashara, who I was going to cover picked the day before to lose his shit and then pass out cold so he’s probably in Psych till Monday.

Court reconvened today in the never ending Stabby trial.  Sometimes Judge Stephens began the day with a 10 minute recess because why the fuck not at this point.  The only reason she said December 12th was because of all the fucking sidebars and recesses.  Court would be done in three weeks otherwise.

After the recess we of course went right to a three minute sidebar before the Jury even came in because that is how every normal court should work. srfoesathoshnf269wyu. Sorry, banged my eahd off of the keyboard  I think the “Judge” has hot pants for Nurmi.  He spends more time in front of her than he does trying to get the CONVICTED MURDERESS something less than death.

Travis’ sister Tanisha, who has been there every day of both trials was present and looking very much like she was going to vomit or pass out.  She was a color that only those who have suffered a horrific tragedy ever are.  That color that is not quite white and not quite grey.  She was carrying papers and everybody realized at about the exact same moment that she was going to read a victim impact statement. It was at this point that I realized this was not going to be one of my normal blogs.

For the very first time since this re-trial started I was grateful that I was not watching this live.  I was suddenly grateful for the buffer that an emotionless tweet can bring, and I was sick for my brethren in the courtroom who had the terrible task of conveying this information to us.  Please everyone give a big thank you to Dave Erickson, Jenn Wood, Jeff Gold, David Lohr and everyone else who has been supplying us with tweets throughout this mess because the price they pay is high.  Not as high by a mile as those that have lived it, but high enough.

Stabby for the first time looked nervous to which I say GOOD.  SWEAT YOU EVIL BITCH!!  She knows that the victim impact statements are going to carry a lot of weight and since they are edited so that things like “I want this bitch to die, preferably by 27 stab wounds” are not heard by the Jury she already knows what they say.  Unfortunately things like this are not allowed in victim impact statements.  It is the exact same in Canada.  I know, I’ve written one for myself.

Tanisha says she is going to do her best to speak for her family, but just a few words in she is already fighting hard against the inevitable tears. Because the fifty billion tears she has already shed have not lessoned her pain, not by a longshot.  The woman standing at the podium right now is a broken human being.

She says she feels fortunate to be blessed with such a wonderful brother.  Sadly at 34 she is now four years older than her older brother will ever be.  He was her best friend growing up, the one who comforted them all in times of crisis and when he died there was no one to comfort them.   She tells how she has been diagnosed with PTSD.  The real PTSD not the fake I need to get out of a murder conviction kind.

She tells how the family has fallen apart since his death, how she cannot get the images of her brother dead, grey and rotting out of her mind. She says she feels guilty now when she has fun, how she alienated her husband and how she lost her faith in God.  It would be here where most of the gallery and a good portion of the Jury gave up even trying to remain emotionless and collectively cried for this family’s pain and loss.

Tanisha’s voice was alive with agony as she described making her brothers funeral arrangements with her Grandmother.  Even Stabby was crying now, really crying not that fake bullshit from before.  She was feeling something.  She may be crying for herself, she may actually be reacting to this woman’s pain, but the tears are real this time.

Tanisha is crying and at a near shriek telling the Jury how she has been forced to relive this over and over.  She just wants to be able to close her eyes and see Travis her brother but she can’t.  Every time she sees Travis it is the dead, grey, decaying and thrown away body crumpled in that shower stall.  Tanisha is done.  She did this one last thing for her brother through her own pain and she did it very well.  Even with the buffer of twitter I found myself crying for the horror that  Stabby has visited upon this family.   And for what?  The wound to her ego was so great that she had to make sure that if she couldn’t have him nobody could have him!!

Tanisha Alexander This is what Stabby does to people.

Steven was up next.  He looks more gaunt then he did during the last trial the pain in his face was very evident.  You could hear a tremble in his voice even more this time and there is just a deep sadness about him.  Here is a link to the last trial so you can hear the victim impact statement in its entirely if you feel so inclined.

Some of the Jurors began to cry once again as Steven read his victim impact statement although not as many as during Tanisha. Jenny from the Cell Block is now obscuring the media view of Stabby. I don’t know if this is tactical or accidental but I am going with column A. After the victim impact statements the sometimes Judge called a 15 minute recess which was desperately needed. The entire REMAINING Alexander family left the court in complete devastation.

Because the Stabbyites are such caring feeling things here is a sample of what they were saying after the Alexander siblings gave their victim impact statements.
the compassion of the Stabbyites. Lets see now.  We feel pain and sadness for the loss that this family has suffered.  They worship a lying, conniving, convicted murderess and say things like this of their obvious pain still after all this time.  Yup, we are totally the haters here.  We should all be ashamed and immediately beg Stabby Fucking Einstein for forgiveness.  If every man that ever called me a bad name was dead we wouldn’t have an overpopulation problem.  Where do all these FREAKS come from?  WHERE?  do they ship them in from some island somewhere?  Island of the fucking idiots?  Island of the brain dead?

Of course because nothing in Stabbyland is ever the way it is supposed to be a sidebar is called again while the Jury is not present. That sidebar is over, the Jury has reconvened and we are immediately taken to another sidebar. This one is never ending. Because of course it is.

The sidebar ended and the media and gallery were kicked from the courtroom. WTF???? We came to find out after a long wait that the defense wanted the mitigation witness to testify under fake names and seal. The sometimes Judge has allowed this farce and the super sekrit witness was allowed on the stand. The media held out for the rest of the day in case anything else happened but the day ended with the Jury leaving looking tired but unemotional and the super sekrit witness remaining unidentified.

For what it is worth; my guess is it was Satan herself on the stand today. Why? Because if there are no witnesses and she is testifying under seal, she can say pretty much with impunity whatever she wants without the backlash of last time. For all we know she could be admitting to everything and begging for forgiveness…….. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OMG I just put pop through my nose. Yeah, stabby is going to admit that she did something wrong and ask for forgiveness. Zombies will walk the earth before that ever happens.

Of course the media has concerns for things like the constitution, you know that thing that COURTS are supposed to uphold and their lawyers immediately began filing motions. There probably isn’t a lawyer in AZ that is not getting rich off of this trial. This is more serious than money though. This is some Judge that has very obviously gone off of her medication pissing all over your constitution. Is she secretly related to Stabby? Is she secretly from another country? Not mine, we don’t do media blackouts in Canada.
Here is a statement from Mark Casey: Statement from 12 News VP & Station Manager Mark Casey on appealing judge’s ruling closing courtroom:“I am very concerned with this court’s many decisions to conduct secret proceedings. We respect Ms. Arias’ right to a fair trial but do not believe banning the public and the media is constitutional or necessary. We should not become a state or nation of secret courts.”

This tweet today pretty much summed it up. It has been used with permission PV so you don’t have to rush and tell Dave it is here. “This must be a helluva witness if they can command an entire courtroom to be cleared” – Dave Erickson. Journalist, Producer, Social Commentator.

Here is a thought.  Maybe the court could put the Christmas decorations up early and the media could hide behind the Christmas tree.  Or perhaps the court could install a doggie door for the media to crawl through.  It’s totally not breaking any law as long as you go through the doggie door.

I get it now why so much time was allotted for the re-trial. It was for motions to be argued. It has nothing to do with the length of the actual trial. Sometimes Judge Stephens just got demoted to Never Judge Stephens. I swear to you all that this is the most fucked up trial I have every seen. She is going to appeal, it IS going to be granted, and everybody is going to have to do this ALL OVER AGAIN. All because of this Judge. Stabby is probably laughing maniacally back in her cell because she is obviously still pulling all the strings in this trial and she knows it and Judge Stephens better start downloading the paperwork for her unemployment papers because she should be losing her job any time now.

Since Court is dark tomorrow I am dragging in the in-house Psychic for some Halloween readings on Stabby and the Funky Bunch.

RBMD peacing the fuck out!!!

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The Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law: Seating a Jury and Other Necessary Annoyances.

September 29, 2014

-I’m self employed, I have ebola, my dog ate my jury summons, No Habla Englis – Arizona

Welcome class. Please hurry and take your seats. This class will be focusing on seating a jury for a re-trial that the whole world watched and other things you don’t want to do. We were going to have a guest speaker tonight, Troy from Fox10, but he was covering the very trial we are going to be discussing tonight and the CONVICT looked at him and smiled. Obviously filing the restraining order was much more important than speaking to us. We all understand.

As a Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery of The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law and since we are studying this case, I felt it would be pertinent for me to attend todays proceedings. My press credentials help. Unfortunately I was busy working on todays lesson plan so the in-house Psychic will be giving you a synopsis of what happened in court today. In house Psychic, if you could come up to the front of the class please. Thank you. Take it away in-house psychic.

Uh….hey everybody. Um, I’m a little nervous, I don’t have to speak in front of people very often. Before I begin, I would like you all to know that once you pass the bar, you should never, ever take a job offered by your illustrious Professor. She will have you sign a contract that keeps you indentured forever, no matter what vomit inducing things she makes you do. You can get more money, but you can never leave her service. Anyway, this is what happened in court today.

All the main players were present. Nurmi was a combination of pissed off and resigned. He wasn’t paying much attention, he just kept thinking about where his chair was, if Jenny from the Cell Block had brought enough weed, if they were going to require a separate chair for Cha Cha’s earrings and whether or not he had tossed his suits from when he was fat. He seemed concerned that he was going to require them. Jenny from the Cell Block just looked stoned. She and Stabby kept staring into each others eyes and blowing kisses. Cha Cha was present. She seemed to be paying no attention what so ever. I wonder how much money I pulled in from the Justice4Stabby site was the only thing rolling around in her brain. Stabby was brought in sans shackles and wearing a grey sweater that perfectly matched her skin-tone. A search party has been formed to look for Stabby’s bangs, they are missing. She was also wearing a pair of glasses as seen on her auction for her totally authentic auction for her glasses as worn at trial. There were about a hundred jurors in the first bunch, about an equal number of men and women. Stabby seemed to be having a staring contest with one and the poor potential was visibly freaked out. She blurted out something about having to be at school and was dismissed. She bolted from the courtroom and immediately sought counselling. Several potentials were dismissed for not speaking English, but I took a quick read and spoiler (they all speak English.) King Juan and Sir Esteban were present. Our pit-bull, King Juan was not looking particularly rabid yet and Sir Esteban only had to throw him a couple of good boy treats. Judge Stephens just looked vaguely confused.
Most of the first panel were fairly intelligent potential jurors and came up with all kinds of interesting reasons to not be on the jury. Judge Stephens came out of the trance she was in long enough to tell potentials they may not contact the media, watch the news and they are banned from social media. Alfred E. Nurmi of course asked for a sidebar. Jurors will not be sequestered. The trial is expected to last until mid-December. Okay, I’m out. Back to Professor Kelly and Law Class.

Thank you in-house psychic. Everybody thank the in house psychic. Sorry, it’s in her contract.

Anyway back to Jury selection. For the purposes of this class we will use the case we have been studying:

The Great State of Arizona and King Juan the 1st V Stabby Anal Einstein.

First, some terms you will find useful unless you want to have no clue what is going on in the courtroom.

Venire: No students, it is not the finish on your floor or Jenny from the Cell Blocks teeth. That would be veneer. A Venire is a panel of prospective jurors.

Voire Dire: Not a French ungulate. The process through which potential jurors from the venire are questioned by either the judge or a lawyer to determine their suitability for jury service. Also the preliminary questioning of witnesses (especially experts) to determine their competence to testify. Voire Dire is when the most intelligent potential jurors will be shown the door. They you see have figured out how to avoid jury duty. The judge will question the Venire asking such questions as will sitting on the jury cause any undo hardship and do you think you can remain impartial. Using the above case as an example, some of the excellent reasons that jurors came up with to not sit on the jury: I have an issue with whores, I have an issue with fake domestic violence claims, I just flat out hate the bitch and I am ready to vote for the death penalty right now.

Challenges for Cause: The right to challenge a juror without assigning, or being required to assign, a reason for the challenge. During the selection of a jury, both parties to the proceeding may challenge prospective jurors for a lack of impartiality, known as a challenge for cause. A party may challenge an unlimited number of prospective jurors for cause. The judge will be required to step in if one of the lawyers decides this might be easier than say filing motions. Challenges for cause have been stopped by the judge when a lawyer was obviously trying to stack the jury with all men, or trying to stack the jury with all white people or all ninjas or whatever. That is a big, big no-no.

Peremptory Challenge: Peremptory challenges provide a more impartial and better qualified jury. Peremptory challenges allow an attorney to reject a potential juror for real or imagined partiality that would be difficult to demonstrate under the challenge for cause category. These challenges, however, have become more difficult to exercise because the U.S. Supreme Court has forbidden peremptory strikes based on race or gender.

Parties do not have a federal constitutional right to exercise peremptory challenges. Peremptory challenges are granted by statute or by case law. The number of challenges is usually determined by statute, but some jurisdictions allow the trial court to grant additional peremptory challenges. In federal court each side is entitled to three peremptory challenges. If more than two parties are involved in the proceeding, the court may either grant additional challenges or restrict the parties to the minimum number of challenges. In the case we are studying, the parties each have three peremptory challenges.

Once all the Venires have been gone through, the judge and the attorneys will begin to question the potential jurors and that is when the challenges for cause and the peremptory challenges will begin. On the second round of voire dire the questions are much more detailed and are often tailored to individual potential jurors. This is when the second most intelligent jurors will normally be removed from the panel.

The case we are studying is an interesting one. The potential jurors questions have been kept under wraps. A panel of highly qualified smart asses were convened to come up with relevant questions to ask the jurors. Fortunately I happen to have an in house Psychic, so for this class only I bring you Stabby Einstein Jury Questions.

What is YOUR definition of SKANK? Credit to @JodisDiary
Can you ID the 3 Wonder Holes? Credit to @Sturgeongal
What do you think about Snow White? Credit to @AngelRoars
Can you dedicate enough time to this trial? Like, until your social security kicks in? Credit to @SheilaNJ
Do you believe that during the alleged “body slam” that Jodi got a 1st Down? Credit to BarbRichter1
This trial may or may not contain “fog”. Are you a meteorologist and if so can you unlearn all college education? Credit to @mohiclaire
Were you ever a juror in Florida? Credit to @thriftymaiden
Do you have anything against white American Ninjas?
Do you believe that “Three-Hole Wonders” are an endangered species & therefore protected? Credit to @thriftymaiden
On 9 out of 10 days do you prefer Murdering Skanks or Pizza? Credit to @BarbRichter1
Do you have an irrational fear of rogue skateboarders and/or an affinity for collecting red gas cans? Credit to @BarbRichter1
Do you have any knowledge whatsoever of what the ten commandments actually say?
Do you actually understand what indigent means? Credit to unknown I forgot to write it down. message me if it’s yours
Does it bother you when multi-syllabic words are used incorrectly?
Can you list five places on your person to hide poprocks, tootsie pops and a toblerone bar? Credit to @DoctorGooFee
In YOUR opinion, should the seven dwarfs have been stabbed and decapitated? How about shot?
Do you think braids are HAWT?
Have you ever de-edified someone?
Can you look at Stabby and remain impartial contemporaneously?

That is it for tonight class. Next class we will be discussing more on this trial as well as a strange case of multiple personality disorder. This case is disturbing on many levels. It started out as simple assault with a fish and by the time the woman was found not responsible due to mental disease or defect she was actually tweeting to herself. Very sad.

Have a wonderful evening and don’t forget to study. We may or may not have a midterm coming up anywhere from 5 to 455 days from now.

Class dismissed.

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I Promise to Tell the Truth, Part of the Truth, or None of the Truth……Whatever is Working For Me at The Time……Maybe.

September 17, 2014

The “Sherriff Joe Homey Don’t Play That House of Indefinite Incarceration” may have room for one more soon – Arizona

Hai Kids. It’s me, number 1 (Okay number 2 if you count Juan) Stabby hater extraordinaire Kelly. I am here with updates. We have actual written down in the court minutes trial dates. Jury Selection will start September 29th and the PENALTY PHASE RETRIAL is set to run through December 12, 2014 with the court dark on Fridays. I figure Judge Stephens finally said fuck it, every weekend is a long weekend till this bitch is off my docket forever. She has fully stocked the side-bar and has personally tested all the bottles to make sure they do indeed contain liquor.

Golden Corral has hired extra line cooks in preparation for the 200lbs Alfred E. Nurmi is going to put back on during this shit show.

All weed dealers in the immediate area have checked their phone lines and made sure they are still on Jenny From the Cell Blocks speed dial. Pageant moms across Arizona have submitted original designs for gowns for the glamour portion of the trial.

Esteban Flores has stocked up on good boy treats and checked the catch pole to make sure the loop closes properly. His order of squeaky Nurmi dog toys is expected next week.

The court vet has double checked his tranquilizer supply and fired off a couple of test rounds to make sure the gun is firing properly. Wouldn’t want a miss-fire in the courtroom when Juan is really foaming at the mouth.

Juan has finally calmed down from his laughing fit and was seen mauling an attack dummy in preparation for the re-trial.

Stabby has been endlessly doodling in hopes of an impromptu art show of her totally ripped off from other artists designs. Tracing is a mitigating factor you know.

ChaCha Delarosa Was seen trying on outfits to wear to the re-trial. She was going for a more professional look this time. I think it worked.
ChaCha DeLaRosa

Alyce in Blunderland has not come out of hiding since the first trial.

Stabby’s Pencil was seen getting a new point. Looking sharp Pencil!!

All the Chairs of the Court are safe in the Ikea protection program. The will be brought to court by moving van convoy flanked by swat teams early on the morning of the 29th.

The ninjas and the screwdriver Skateboard gang were unavailable for comment.

Lisa Schilling and Jason Weber were last seen in Las Vegas. Their whereabouts now is unknown.


Stabby’s Bangs Said to Say Hi.

September 15, 2014

Typing with one hand because my left ring finger is kinda jacked – Arizona

Oh hai kids. Todays blog will be brought to you by Fakor eyewear in remembrance of Stabby’s glasses. Sadly, we were unable to negotiate a hostage trade for them. I want you to know we did our best. We offered, poprocks, tootsie pops, a couple of forged documents, 2 strawberry frapachinos and a penicillin shot in exchange for the glasses. They countered with the locations of Nurmi’s and all the other chairs of the court which obviously we could not do. Sorry Stabby’s glasses. We tried our best.

Since we were unable to secure their release, Stabby’s glasses are up for auction for a starting bid of 500 dollars. Net proceeds to be donated to an unnamed “charity.” This is on the Auntie Stabby run site as opposed to the J4Stabby site which is the one run by our Ice Cream party/Vegas loving friend Lisa Schilling and Jason the Grifter/Piece of human Garbage Weber. The best part of this auction is that you have to put up a “refundable” $250 in order to bid. I have a couple of problems with this auction. The first one being net proceeds. If there are net proceeds that means that there were gross proceeds. While I agree that it’s Stabby so there is likely gross everything, I am very curious as to what her overhead costs were for this auction. Now, I have not attended the Dyson School of Applied Economics which may/may not actually exist, but I do know what gross and net mean. I have also noticed that on all of Stabby’s totally original tracings of other actual artworks, the same verbiage appears. So, what are we deducting from what we actually bring in (gross) to come up with what actually gets donated (net)? Stabby’s eye glasses would have been paid for by the State of Arizona during her incarceration so we can’t deduct the cost of those. Auntie Stabby has already said she refused to take an administration fee to look after Stabby’s stuff, so nope not that. I’m pretty sure ChaCha just smuggled the glasses out of jail so they didn’t have to be mailed or picked up by Auntie stabby so there is no overhead there either. Odd. The only other thing I can think if is the actual auction costs which I am guessing are going to be right around $500 or up. Wow, I solved a mystery.

Stabby was in court today so Judge Stephens could remove her as her own attorney and re-appoint Alfred E. Nurmi as her lawyer. She also said there would be no ex-parte hearing which totally pissed Stabby off. While I am starting to really dislike Judge Stephens she did get a few brownie points for the ex-parte refusal.

Stabby has a new hairdo. Since trial might actually be looming, Stabby actually had to cut her hair in case anybody came out of the fog long enough to remember all that crap about donating it for wigs for cancer patients. It actually worked out well for her because she looked even uglier than she did during the first trial. Prison food is also not agreeing with poor Stabby. Without her make-up artists you can see that Stabby has developed quite the zit flare-up. She could not help but gaze longingly into the pool camera during the entire proceeding.

Next we moved on to the camera motion. Our valiant little pitbull Juan Martinez has finally weighed in on the camera question. Since it is entirely possible that Juan hates Stabby more than anybody else on the planet, he decided that if there was a way to fuck with her, he would find it and use it. Today he came down on the side of having the PENALTY PHASE retrial aired. For those of you that don’t remember, up until now the state has taken no position on airing the retrial. Today he stated that it is the prosecutors opinion that the felon simply wants to control what information is or is not released publicly as proved by her giving several interviews throughout the trial including an interview right after the verdict. He sat down and Judge Stephens threw him a good-boy treat.

David Bodney, the very good attorney who represents several media outlets argued strenuously to allow the camera’s once again into the courtroom. He made many excellent points, stating that court proceedings are supposed to be public not cloaked in secrecy. He said that Stabby herself was the one who willingly and with seeming glee jumped onto the (“Yay, a camera I am going to be so famous”) bandwagon and the public should not be punished because she can’t control herself. He also said that to not allow them is frankly unconstitutional sighting supreme court decisions about camera’s in the courtroom. He asked for anyone to offer one bit of case law that argued differently. I personally want this trial aired on TV for very obvious reasons, but that aside Mr. Bodney is correct. He wants the ruling amended to a 30 minute delay between sessions which seems fairly equitable to me. Oh look, I brought the big book of words out again. YAY!!

Nurmi was next on the lets see if we can just argue this motion until she dies of natural causes train, but since Nurmi is totally over this whole mess, he didn’t really argue to strenuously or coherently for that matter. He said something about having assured the mitigations witnesses (really? They found more than one?) that there would be a media blackout. He said he was trying to protect Stabby from herself. He said that just because there were not enough seats in the courtroom was no reason that the re-trial needed to be aired to the world which to me says that the people that can get seats are somehow more deserving of seeing the trial. Apparently I was not the only one who saw it that way as Mr. Bodney also has a huge problem with that statement. While Alfred E. Nurmi is once again the first chair, the arguments he presented today were insignificant enough to show that he isn’t exactly thrilled about it. Everybody now feel bad for Nurmi. Or don’t, either or is good.

In other exciting Stabby news, she has waived her right to be at tomorrows hearing to go over jury selection procedure. Jury selection is still on to start on September 29th but I am not holding my breath. Expect either another “suicide attempt”, hospitalization for a brain tumor or a switch to unable to proceed due to her multiple personalities not being able to agree on what course of action to take. Someone tweeted for Stabby that it is taking new migraine medication so I’m betting on the brain tumor.

That’s it for tonight everybody. We have shit developing regarding ChaCha Delarosa and how deeply she is connected to the whole Stabby money collection scam. I will as always keep you updated.


Here We Go Again…….Some More……Still!!

September 11, 2014

now moving to the fourth circle of hell – Arizona

Oh Hai Kids. I’m just blogging up the stratosphere today aren’t I. Well, it can’t be helped. Things are happening. Important things. Spoiler – not really it just makes me feel needed.

Stabby has been a crazy busy psychopath Today. Well, I guess crazy and psychopath everyday but the rest just today. Yeah. Don’t even ask, I’ve been awake for three days and I’m not fully convinced this isn’t just some weird dream.

I digress. Stabby has legally relinquished the Pro-se right she always intended to relinquish as soon as she got this whole J4STabby thing sorted out thanks to Cha Cha Delarosa.
Goddamn people trying to steal her murder money. Lets see who actually has a dog in this fight.

Click on the images to enlarge

Stabby's Arch Nemisis #2 Meet Jason. Stabby’s number one arch nemesis right at this particular moment. He is basically a piece of human shit in clothes. He is also Stabby art thrower under the busser and thief that is trying to steal stabby’s money. He seems to have peaced out so there may or may not be a gang of screwdriver wielding skateboarding ninjas looking for him. I can’t confirm but I don’t doubt anything at this point.

Stabby's best friend ChaCha Delarosa Stabby’s Mitigation specialist/dance instructor and Stabby’s new best friend. Totally malleable. The Latina version of Alyce in Blunderland. Terrible chess player. Hater of ice cream parties and Las Vegas.

Lisa's icecream party And Finally Lisa Schilling Ice Cream Party and Las Vegas Lover. Butthurt and Dissalussioned Ex(Maybe) Stabby Supporter. Possibly my new best friend. We will see.

So, in a nut shell. A three way call that is not allowed was placed from Sherriff Joes Homey Don’t Play That prison. He got pissed, Stabby decided she isn’t Jack McCoy (If you don’t know who that is shame on you and google it) Fucktard Jason seems to have peaced out, and ChaCha and Lisa are debating about the Merits of an Icecream Party in Vegas. Did I mention we are all invited? Should be fun.

Nurmi is in for the ice cream party as long as it’s all you can eat. He said to tell you all that Death by Ice Cream sounds perfectly acceptable to him and it will save some money that he was going to spend eating himself to death at Golden Corral.

Nurmi’s Chair has gone into the Ikea Protection Program and all attempts at contact thus far have been in vain. Stabby’s Pencil is very worried. If anyone see’s him rolling around tell him Stabby’s pencil and RBMD said hey.

Stabby’s Bangs have made contact and tell me they are looking forward to the re-trial.

Stabby’s Diary is apparently pumping lead in preparation for the retrial. So buff Diary!! Good Job.

Stabby’s Pencil is just concerned about Nurmi’s Chair and doesn’t want to talk about it.

Stabby’s Multiple personalities have so far not returned our calls for comment.

Juan Martinez was still laughing last time we asked for comment.

Stabby is going for the record of most motions in order to delay a trial in the history of ever. She was in court and ask for a brief Ex-Parte which of course means Stabby wants another delay. Maybe you really can just delay a trial until you die of natural causes. Speedy trial be damned.

And please God let that be my last Stabby update of the day. I have to be in Pretoria for Whatever O’clock.


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