Advertisements
 

The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- Garbage In Garbage Out Edition (thank you Jeffrey Gold)

December 16, 2014

 

If I lose this post again I’m just not fucking posting it- Arizona

Hai everybody. So, I just wrote and lost this blog. TWICE. We are having brown outs and for whatever reason my computer is not saving anygoddamnthing at the moment. I am not amused. But, I am dedicated if nothing else so I will try this one more time.

I have to give Nurmi some credit because he has pulled off a brilliant tactical move. He won’t say whether Stabby will or won’t continue to testify until he hears from the COA so Juan can’t make a motion to have her testimony stricken if she decides not to testify. And he did it just before he brought out the defenses next idiot for Hire Dr. Gefner. Otherwise known as the human ventriloquist dummy. Dr. Geffner of water spilling fame from the first trial. So whatever she said is still in the Jury’s minds, can’t be stricken and now we have some paid doofus to further pound whatever it was into their heads.

Jenny From the Cell Block is up on Direct and we are once again going through the entire life and times of Dr. Geffner. For those of you who missed the first time around, this is what happened: Harpo, who dis man is, Arizona

If foghorn Leghorn and General Custer had a kid, it would be the dude on the let’s try and make all these nice people think these are not the droids they are looking for sur-rebuttal train. Aerosmith was present for a scathing rendition of “Train Kept Rollin’ which had the entire gallery on its feet. The vet waited patiently as Conductor Stephens kept the minions shoveling coal and the train picked up speed. Jenny from the Cell Block took a stab (yes, I said it and it stays) at something new today. Boring the jury into submission just so they could get the hell out of there. We spent an entire day talking about the Foghorn leghorn Jedi Masters credentials. Where he went to school, how long he went to school, who he banged at school, how many bong hits he took at school, his favorite cafeteria food at school. The fact that he NEVER talked about Stabby, or read a police report only came up when he stared straight into the gallery and did that Jedi thing with his hands and said “None of those facts are relevant” The only time we were actually sure he was alive was when he got onto the subject of Janeen DeMarte and her Diagnosis of BPD. With a totally straight face he told Jenny from the cell block that he’s right, Janeen is wrong neener neener. It was a breathtaking display of testimony.

Alfred E. Nurmi spent a good deal of the day looking like he paid the vet to shoot a dart into his ass and Stabby stared at the jury like the death eater that she secretly is. All we need now is he who shall not be named, Harry Potter and a wand dual and the circle of life will be complete.

Jenny from the Cell Block is going to lose points in the beauty part of the pageant of the insane due to the ever growing bald spot on her head. Good thing she has all that poise and charm or she’d be out already.

Geffner actually managed to keep a straight face as he told the jury he determined Stabby didn’t lie or distort her answers on Dr. Demarte’s psychological tests. He also said the tests did not indicate an aggressive, hostile, or violent personality, but rather a crushed flower in the throes of PTSD. The sympathy vote missed the whole thing as she snored through the testimony.

Geffner decided court would be a great place to practice his standup routine. This expert witness with eighthundredmillion years worth of experience couldn’t operate the touch screen computer and managed to spill water all over himself, the witness stand, the floor, the vet and conductor Stephens a couple of times.

The highlight of the entire routine however was when Geffner, who has a familiarity with brains, you know like I have a familiarity with nuclear fusion, was asked to use his zero experience with autopsies to refute Medical Examiner Horne’s testimony about the gunshot coming last. The psychologist/standup comedian testified that in his inexperienced and totally untrained opinion, Travis could have turned into a zombie and totally continued to walk and stuff. Then he took another bong hit and braced while the dog handler put the attack suit on him before they turned Juan loose.

Somebody had some extra raw steak at lunch because a completely foaming at the mouth Juan fairly leapt out of his chair and charged the obviously terrified Geffner. He immediately crushed his non-existent credibility by informing the gallery that dudes testimony had been tossed as having absolutely no merit at several other trials where he’d been a witness. Mortimer Snerd just smiled and giggled in what seemed to be an attempt to keep the obviously rabid pit-bull at bay.

Juan then to the surprise of absolutely no one anywhere, proceeded to lay the smack down of all smack downs on the ventriloquist dummy sitting on the stand about Mortimers absolutely no validity, uniformed thoughts on Travis’ gunshot wound. The smell of brimstone started to permeate the air and we all wondered for a moment if Jenny would be called back from whence she came due to her stunning FAIL at ever calling this witness.

That was last time. Time has to be better right. He’s had practice now. He knows what to do. You would think that but no it was pretty much exactly the same.  Juan has already had to have two darts put into him because he got the illustrious Psychologist’s notes from the university of Malingering (thank you Stabby’s Pencil) for fun and profit at just past 11pm last night.  Geffner the human ventriloquist dummy is expected to be on the stand all week (oh goody) and Juan needs at least two days to interview him.  This time around Mortimer Snerd isn’t just going to talk about his interviews with Stabbykins he is also going to talk about every other experts interview with her which doesn’t sound quite right to me. Remind me to check on that.  He already has the Dr. Samuels I love you Stabbykins look on his face so she has obviously been communing with Satan again.  Since she doesn’t have a soul maybe she just traded him for some anal and a blowie?

Going over the MMPI2 that diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder and instead of arguing this time he is likely to agree, because agreeing means she has a mental problem and somebody on the Jury might go for that.

Stabby apparently reported lots of symptoms of trauma probably largely in part to things like killing a guy and then telling a bunch of bullshit that nobody believed and then being incarcerated. I’d be a little traumatized too.

The Jedi Master is now going over Stabby’s rather high score on Stabby being a psychopath. Bet they didn’t pay him to say that shit.  I got 5 that says that was said accidentally.  She also has major sexual issues to which the entire planet collectively said “No. Really?”

Since pretty much every time Stabby opens her mouth it is either self serving or an outright lie I would say most of what Geffner has to say is useless because if he hasn’t noticed she LIES.

He actually called the PTSD that she has from butchering a man a mitigating factor.  I shit you not he really honest to god said that.  He has however so far managed to not spill anything on himself so he is at least doing better that way.  Just as an aside the Jury isn’t taking any notes on the Psych testimony so whatever her super secret testimony was, it looks like they don’t really give a shit.

Mortimer Snerd admitted on the record that nobody knows what the fuck is going on in that psychotic little head of hers, it’s all just a guess.  ON THE RECORD.

That is it for today kids, but just think we have a whole week of this to look forward too.  Juan shredded him last time, I hope he brought the attack suit.

Have a great night. RBMD peacing the fuck out.

PayPal Donate Button

Hai.  If you enjoy my blog please consider donating to my furnace oil fund.  Dying of hypothermia doesn’t sound like a good time to me.  All donations no matter the size help me put oil in my furnace. Every single donation is greatly appreciated. 

Advertisements

The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Re-trial – The “I Fought The Law And The Law Won” Edition

November 4, 2014

What Constitution?-Arizona

Hai everybody. So sorry about Saturday. I had an emergency with one of my dogs and I didn’t have time to write a blog. It remains half done and I remain trying to get the smell of skunk out of my house, my nose and my dogs fur. Someone recommended Oxy-clean and I am almost ready to go there. Since court is dark tomorrow I might finish it up and post it tomorrow. Either that or The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law is going to have an emergency class. I won’t know till I know.

Over the weekend Aunt Stabby had some very nasty things to say about the Alexanders. I will NOT post that horseshit here. In a nutshell, Stabby good, Travis bad, someone owes the Arias family an apology. From me to you Aunt Stabby. EAT A DICK!!

Today in Stabby land the jury was sent packing till 1:15 so that an emergency hearing on the motion to quash not a judge Stephens ruling could be heard at appellate court. The appellate court Judges were looking less than thrilled to even be hearing this nonsense, and on an emergency basis pfffffft. This has a snowballs chance in hell of surviving appellate court. Speaking of less than thrilled, Media Attorney Bodney looks absolutely disgusted that he has to go before an appellate court to get this crap overturned.

I have no idea why but this was stuck in my head as everyone made their way into appellate court so…….here.

I suppose it’s David Bodneys fault. He just seems so….determined that he has had enough of not a Judge Stephens and her horseshit. As soon as I got a look at him on TV it started playing on loop in my head. Juan, Bodney and the taxpayers of the not so great State of Arizona vs Stabby, Alfred E Nurmi and not a Judge Stephens.

David Bodney was up first and I was right. He was very focused and quite annoyed. You could hear it in his voice and see it in his demeanor. He gesticulated while he made his case. He took about 8 minutes on direct saying “dudes, dudette, this is pretty much fucked because we have this thing called a constitution which says you can’t do this, there is not case law anywhere saying you can do this, therefore not a judge Stephens can’t do this.”

Bodney is a smart man. He pulled Nurmi’s argument out from under him before Nurms ever spoke, which of course wouldn’t stop Nurmi from speaking. He figured out just like I did that Nurmi was planning on having all the witnesses testify under seal and he addressed it before Nurmi did and argued very, very effectively against it. He pretty much fucked Nurmi without the benefit of KY.

Juan got up, smirked, told the appellate Judges that he objected to a stay of proceedings because the Alexanders deserve closure and sat down. He figured Bodney had this. Juan was mellow, like three ludes deep mellow. Apparently the vet was at court today.

Well, well, welly, well, well. Looks like Mr Bodney and I were right. Nurmi is trying to leave wiggle room to have the entire defense testimony under seal. WOW!! Just when I think bitch cannot possibly think up anything else to try and stall the proceedings, she goes and outstabbys herself.

He’s bitching about tweeting, about reporters running out and reporting on it. He said he gets death threats to which I said “NO, DUH!” One of the Judges said the exact same thing when he said and I quote “Isn’t the threat of intimidation always existing then?” He then looked at Alfred E. like the bottom bitch he secretly is and rolled his eyes hard enough that I expected to see them leave his head and bounce jauntily across the courtroom.

Bodney was up again and proceeded to take down Nurmi so very well that the little pit-bull looked proud. He told the Judges that Nurmi is conflating (combining into a composite whole) not a Judge Stephens rulings and he is correct.

Quote of the day goes to Bodney for this. “if people cannot see what is going on, faith in the justice system is threatened.” Think about that statement. I am Canadian. We have a justice system that we are pretty proud of. Even we do not arbitrarily close court except in very exceptional circumstances. Paul and Karla Bernardo come to mind. Media was NOT banned as I have seen people post on other sites that post my blog, there was a publication ban on what was in the tapes to preserve the victims dignity because it was so fucking horrible. Even that was only until the trial was over. Media was in the courtroom AT ALL TIMES. I was in the courtroom. Christie Blatchford of the Toronto Sun and I had lunch twice. The gallery was not allowed to view the videotaped evidence because it showed the torture and rape of two children. Only the Jury and the Lawyers and Judge saw them. Audio was played in court and that was enough to send members of the gallery running from the courtroom. I counted 27. That is how bad, how horrifically bad this was. I wept against a perfect stranger who wept against me it was so bad. At no time during that trial, which is one of the worst cases in Canadian history was the court closed to reporters OR the public. The American Justice system is supposed to be better than ours. Americans say it all the time. I see it coming off the rails more and more every day. It pisses me off. America is supposed to have the most transparent Justice system in the world and a LOT of the rest of the world looks to America. Know who is looking at America right now and saying see, we were right? Russia. North Korea. Places where democracy is just some beautiful unattainable dream. What not a Judge Stephens has done is a travesty. I am pretty sure the appellate court feels exactly the same way judging by what I am hearing. So now we wait.

Everybody trekked back over to regular court. And we waited, and we waited and we waited. Then we got a ruling. The appellate division issued a stay of the order sealing the testimony of witnesses. Everyone now stand, face Arizona and salute the appellate court. Thanks. Interesting thing, a stay is not a decision. Basically what a stay says is that there is enough merit in the motion that the appellate judges have to look into it. It means that the proceedings will continue without seal until the appellate court renders a decision. They did this because it was either stay the proceedings, which is not fair to the Alexander family or stay the order which effectively shuts not a Judge Stephens and the defense down without having to take the time to render a decision. A decision on this might not even be issued by the time the trial is over, so this was very important.

Juan and Detective Flores laughed and laughed all the way out of the courthouse, Jenny hit the bong hard, Nurmi once again had that FML look planted squarely on face and not a Judge Stephens was absolutely flabbergasted that the appellate court thought she might have made an error. Stabby had that I will cut a bitch look back on her face since the appellate court basically told her to get stuffed.

Court was cancelled for tomorrow so that they could figure out how the fuck to move the trial forward.

So, we already know it was Stabby on the stand. I expect now she is going to pull a complete hissy fit and say she will refuse to allow herself to be cross examined. She can do that, they cannot force her to speak. What they will likely do in this event is strike all the testimony (which I hate), the STATE can request a mistrial which Juan probably won’t, or she can be held in contempt and the Jury can be told she has refused to comply with the court. I like that one, gives you a really good idea of what Stabby is. Unfortunately, here is yet another appealable issue.

here is a link to Mr Bodney and company seeking relief through the appellate court. Sorry I can’t embed it, it has been disabled. http://youtu.be/dqJ4KRVyphI

Because the entire Stabby family is determined to get that murder money, mom of Stabby AND dad of Stabby put this little bit of shit up on the internet today.  I honestly thought at least dad of Stabby was horrified at what his precious stabbykins had done.  I was mistaken.  I thought his avoidance of the trial had to do with his horror at what his daughter had done.  I was wrong.   I suggest something to vomit in while you watch.  The Pretoria puke bucket is being used at the moment.  Sorry.

I just CAN’T with these people. Aunt of Stabby wants an apology and Mom and Dad of Stabby would like your cash please because being related to Stabby is like humping on a money printing machine. This takes capitalism to a whole other level doesn’t it? Christ on a Cracker. Murder is becoming huge business in Arizona. Someone please drop some Ebola, or Anthrax or maybe just a small nuclear weapon on these people. I hate this entire fucking bloodline.

Everybody have a great night. RBMD peacing the fuck out.

PayPal Donate Button

If you enjoy my blog please consider a small donation to help ensure content.  All donations are greatly appreciated.


Could That Sound I Hear be a………Backfire?

September 22, 2014

Wishing I could clone Sheriff Joe – Arizona

Hai Kids. Well, by now you have already heard the stunning (spoiler: No one is stunned)news that Stabby’s esteemed Judge has decided that now is the time to black out the courtroom. Um, you all have to become Lawyers and practice law and shit before you become Judges in Arizona right? I shook my head so damn hard when I read the wording of that decision I think a gave myself a concussion. Just, WOW. Huge error in my opinion. For whatever it’s worth. Before we get into the meat of Sheriff Joe’s latest, I wanted to let you all know that I have put a donation button up on the bottom of my blog. Why? Because writing really is my job. It is strictly voluntary. VOLUNTARY. You don’t haveta if you don’t wanna.

Why can you spell Sheriff with two R’s or one R and spellcheck does not have a fuck to give? I can’t even use Canadian spelling or my computer has an aneurism. What is that about?

Sheriff Joe is suddenly hitting all the high notes for me peeps. His beautifully written fuck off and die letter to that film maker was so beautiful I wanted to weep. Sherriff Joe upped the ante today when he rolled off a letter regarding Stabby and the press tour she still seems intent on having.

Since Sheriff Joe stepped out of the closet, he has been intent on burning that bitch down. No longer a quiet Stabby hater, Sherriff Joe now seems intent on letting us see via written word every ounce of contempt he holds for Stabby. I wonder if he actually almost bit his tongue off trying to bite back his feelings of utter contempt for Stabbykins, and he said fuck it, I’m not injuring myself for some murdering slut? Or something.

Anyway, today Sheriff Joe released another doozy of a letter letting the press, the citizens of Arizona, me, and earth in general know just how hard he thinks Stabby should suck it.

Sherriff Joe said, to paraphrase:………From the Sheriff Joe Homey Don’t Play That House of Indefinite Incarceration……….

Because all of you assholes can make money off a murdering twat no matter what bullshit comes out of her mouth and I know there will be fiftyfivebillion requests, I have decided to shut all you bitches down before you even get started.

In case any of you forgot, the bitch has already been convicted of first degree murder.

She is a complete narcissist who is very good at manipulating the simple minded. She is actually getting these idiots to sell things for her. She even tried to get a documentary filmed about her but I shut that shit down.

I understand that television stations need to make some cheddar, but not on my watch. Bitch had lied long enough and I am sick and tired of listening to her bullshit. Therefore, if you haven’t already figured it out, any requests for interviews with this sadistic bitch will be DENIED.

Actual Press release below.

Arias no media

Oh Sheriff Joe. Your immense annoyance makes me weep with joy. I think I love you Sheriff Joe. I think we all do.

Oh, and while we don’t get cameras, the lovely and talented Jen from Trial Diaries is able to tweet so we can at least sort of know what’s going on.

Donate Button with Credit Cards


Stabby’s Bangs Said to Say Hi.

September 15, 2014

Typing with one hand because my left ring finger is kinda jacked – Arizona

Oh hai kids. Todays blog will be brought to you by Fakor eyewear in remembrance of Stabby’s glasses. Sadly, we were unable to negotiate a hostage trade for them. I want you to know we did our best. We offered, poprocks, tootsie pops, a couple of forged documents, 2 strawberry frapachinos and a penicillin shot in exchange for the glasses. They countered with the locations of Nurmi’s and all the other chairs of the court which obviously we could not do. Sorry Stabby’s glasses. We tried our best.

Since we were unable to secure their release, Stabby’s glasses are up for auction for a starting bid of 500 dollars. Net proceeds to be donated to an unnamed “charity.” This is on the Auntie Stabby run site as opposed to the J4Stabby site which is the one run by our Ice Cream party/Vegas loving friend Lisa Schilling and Jason the Grifter/Piece of human Garbage Weber. The best part of this auction is that you have to put up a “refundable” $250 in order to bid. I have a couple of problems with this auction. The first one being net proceeds. If there are net proceeds that means that there were gross proceeds. While I agree that it’s Stabby so there is likely gross everything, I am very curious as to what her overhead costs were for this auction. Now, I have not attended the Dyson School of Applied Economics which may/may not actually exist, but I do know what gross and net mean. I have also noticed that on all of Stabby’s totally original tracings of other actual artworks, the same verbiage appears. So, what are we deducting from what we actually bring in (gross) to come up with what actually gets donated (net)? Stabby’s eye glasses would have been paid for by the State of Arizona during her incarceration so we can’t deduct the cost of those. Auntie Stabby has already said she refused to take an administration fee to look after Stabby’s stuff, so nope not that. I’m pretty sure ChaCha just smuggled the glasses out of jail so they didn’t have to be mailed or picked up by Auntie stabby so there is no overhead there either. Odd. The only other thing I can think if is the actual auction costs which I am guessing are going to be right around $500 or up. Wow, I solved a mystery.

Stabby was in court today so Judge Stephens could remove her as her own attorney and re-appoint Alfred E. Nurmi as her lawyer. She also said there would be no ex-parte hearing which totally pissed Stabby off. While I am starting to really dislike Judge Stephens she did get a few brownie points for the ex-parte refusal.

Stabby has a new hairdo. Since trial might actually be looming, Stabby actually had to cut her hair in case anybody came out of the fog long enough to remember all that crap about donating it for wigs for cancer patients. It actually worked out well for her because she looked even uglier than she did during the first trial. Prison food is also not agreeing with poor Stabby. Without her make-up artists you can see that Stabby has developed quite the zit flare-up. She could not help but gaze longingly into the pool camera during the entire proceeding.

Next we moved on to the camera motion. Our valiant little pitbull Juan Martinez has finally weighed in on the camera question. Since it is entirely possible that Juan hates Stabby more than anybody else on the planet, he decided that if there was a way to fuck with her, he would find it and use it. Today he came down on the side of having the PENALTY PHASE retrial aired. For those of you that don’t remember, up until now the state has taken no position on airing the retrial. Today he stated that it is the prosecutors opinion that the felon simply wants to control what information is or is not released publicly as proved by her giving several interviews throughout the trial including an interview right after the verdict. He sat down and Judge Stephens threw him a good-boy treat.

David Bodney, the very good attorney who represents several media outlets argued strenuously to allow the camera’s once again into the courtroom. He made many excellent points, stating that court proceedings are supposed to be public not cloaked in secrecy. He said that Stabby herself was the one who willingly and with seeming glee jumped onto the (“Yay, a camera I am going to be so famous”) bandwagon and the public should not be punished because she can’t control herself. He also said that to not allow them is frankly unconstitutional sighting supreme court decisions about camera’s in the courtroom. He asked for anyone to offer one bit of case law that argued differently. I personally want this trial aired on TV for very obvious reasons, but that aside Mr. Bodney is correct. He wants the ruling amended to a 30 minute delay between sessions which seems fairly equitable to me. Oh look, I brought the big book of words out again. YAY!!

Nurmi was next on the lets see if we can just argue this motion until she dies of natural causes train, but since Nurmi is totally over this whole mess, he didn’t really argue to strenuously or coherently for that matter. He said something about having assured the mitigations witnesses (really? They found more than one?) that there would be a media blackout. He said he was trying to protect Stabby from herself. He said that just because there were not enough seats in the courtroom was no reason that the re-trial needed to be aired to the world which to me says that the people that can get seats are somehow more deserving of seeing the trial. Apparently I was not the only one who saw it that way as Mr. Bodney also has a huge problem with that statement. While Alfred E. Nurmi is once again the first chair, the arguments he presented today were insignificant enough to show that he isn’t exactly thrilled about it. Everybody now feel bad for Nurmi. Or don’t, either or is good.

In other exciting Stabby news, she has waived her right to be at tomorrows hearing to go over jury selection procedure. Jury selection is still on to start on September 29th but I am not holding my breath. Expect either another “suicide attempt”, hospitalization for a brain tumor or a switch to unable to proceed due to her multiple personalities not being able to agree on what course of action to take. Someone tweeted for Stabby that it is taking new migraine medication so I’m betting on the brain tumor.

That’s it for tonight everybody. We have shit developing regarding ChaCha Delarosa and how deeply she is connected to the whole Stabby money collection scam. I will as always keep you updated.


Reality V Stabby Einstein

September 9, 2014

Reality is why drugs were invented – Arizona

Hey kiddies, I’m back with another little ditty about everyone’s least favorite sociopath, Stabby. Unfortunately tonights blog comes as a two parter. If you have not read this brilliantly written piece by Stabby, I’m sorry for assaulting your brain, but in order to understand part b you are gonna have to just trust me and read part a. Or don’t, your call.

stbby 2
(click to resize)

Reality V Jodi Arias – A rebuttal of what is quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. (And kids, that’s saying something)

Wondering how hard it could be to smuggle a gun, a knife, some rope and two ninjas into solitary confinement – Arizona.

I’ve had many nicknames, because I am a raging whoredog who will do whatever it takes to get whatever I want. Travis was a gentleman so he wouldn’t call me words like my other boyfriends did, he figured whore wasn’t that offensive considering the amount of shit I put him through. When he would talk, I would totally tune out or start singing in my head, or have conversations with myself because lets all be real here, I am much more interesting than Travis.

Occasionally as happens in EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, Travis and I would be cross with one another and he would raise his voice. Because in his soul he was a gentle, sweet man, he always immediately apologized and said he would try to remember not to speak when angry. I know he would not want to be remembered as someone other than the man he was; a man who believed in his god, but was human and made human mistakes. That is why I immediately did as much damage to his image and integrity as humanly possible. Had I been able to launch a scud in the courtroom at his family, I don’t think the effects would have been any different.

Now I am butthurt because people are calling me names. Hodi isn’t even a bad one, it’s just stupid and I don’t like it. I also don’t like Stabby, Scariass, or the brown haired thing. I’m still pretty ok with three hole wonder.

What bothers me – and really saddens me- is that people obviously love and respect Travis Alexander despite my very best efforts, and believe me I gave it everything I had. Fuck, I even forged letters. Good ones. But, like they say kill a guy that everybody loved and haters gonna hate.

I want all the haters to go away because they are mean like Nurmi and that pit-bull creature that prosecuted, and that bitch that keeps writing blogs about me. The crazy one. She needs to STFU because it’s like she KNOWS me. It freaks me the fuck out. I also want them to go away because they may be convincing some of the Darwin Award Candidates not to give me money. After all, this is what all this has been about from the very beginning. Fame and money.


The Magical Thinking of Stabby Einstein. An Auntie Really Big Mean Dog Bedtime Story

September 7, 2014

Well, hello chirruns, pull up a chair and let Auntie really big mean dog tell you all a story about the Magical thinking of Stabby Einstein.

Once upon a time in the second circle of hell there lived a violent sociopath named Stabby Einstein. Now Stabby Einstein was what we like to call a special kind of fucked, both literally and figuratively. Ohhh look at me using big words. Sorry, I digress. Stabby Einstein was the smartest, prettiest, most talented person in her own head. She decided one day that with her powers of superior intellect and a hell of a good show she could pretty much get whatever it was that she wanted. Envisioning what she wanted she first came up with a dude old enough to be her Grand Da but hey she wanted a house and with her powers of magical thinking and some really good anal, poof a house magically appeared. She hadn’t quite figured out how to disappear Grand Da once the house appeared but hey she thought, maybe magical thinking and a really good show only works in forward.

With that firmly in mind she went forward. From one magical low paying job to another. Sometimes two at a time. How magical. Then she discovered pre-paid legal and she decided that with her Einstein like mind and her magical powers she should be rich in no time. Well, one cannot be rich if they don’t look the part, so she took her magical mortgage payment money and once again using her powers turned it into a pair of fake tits. My gosh Stabby girl she thought to herself, this magical thinking shit really works. I can have whatever I want. I just have to believe I can have it and it will be mine.

Stabby Einstein was invited to the ball at pre-paid legal but her evil Grand Da/ fuck buddy didn’t want her to go. Stabby was sad. She decided to go anyway. There she met her prince charming Travis. She was transfixed. I must have him she said with a wicked cackle and started magically thinking it so that it would happen. She turned her magical wonder holes into a relationship with Travis. Holy shit it worked again, and this time she had the extra added bonus of figuring out how to get rid of stuff she no longer wanted. Once Grand Da Brewer discovered that the magical holes he thought were his were being plugged up by someone else, he peaced the fuck out and good thing too because he might be buried with Jimmy Hoffa otherwise.

Stabby now having figured out most of the kinks (ha, I said kinks and it stays) in her magical thinking proceeded to lure Travis with promises of even more perverse sexual acts than previously promised. Bondage? Sure. Anal? Oh yes please. Insertions of various forms of candy in various holes? Absolutely. Blindfolds? Check. Farm animals? Not off the table. Because she knew even with her superior intellect she was never going to have Travis unless she magically put a spell on him via her magical fake tits and all of her orifices she decided it was pretty much anything goes.

Stabby’s magical thinking worked for a while. She was getting boned by a really hot dude on a regular basis and of course she was willing him to marry her. The problem was the magic wasn’t working this time. Stabby Einstein thought and thought. Ah ha she said one night (she was prone to having entire conversations with herself so this was actually not a big deal) it’s the religion thing. He actually seriously believes in his Mormon god, therefor I must magically become a Mormon and than surely he will marry me. She was very excited to tell Travis that she wanted to become a Mormon and she silently thought that magical underclothes could not hurt along with all the rest of her magic. She became Mormon and was magically transformed. Surely now her prince would marry her. It was however not to be. Travis had seen through the facade of Stabby Einstein and he wanted nothing to do with her. He realized he had only ever been interested in her because she had absolutely no qualms about doing ANYTHING in the bedroom and she was dumb enough to not realize that sex does not equal love. Price Travis wanted someone he could love and respect and Stabby Einstein was not that woman. He broke it off and Stabby was stunned. And mad. Don’t forget mad, it’s important later.

Travis felt so much lighter when he broke it off with her, but his dick had a mind of it’s own and it missed being stuffed into something on a regular basis. Sadly one night Travis decided that friends with benefits might not be a bad idea. It was. He realized it quickly and told Stabby Einstein that she had to go.

Stabby moved back to Yreka but she never ever ever stopped thinking about Prince Travis and the fact that even with her strongest magic she could not make this one thing so. It slowly began to eat at any semblance of sanity that was at this point resideing in her earthly body. Stabby started thinking that she had been done wrong by prince Travis and she slowly put her magical thinking into action one last time and hit upon a foolproof plan to get even with Prince Travis.

First, she magically made her Grand Da’s (her real one, not the one she was boning earlier in the story) .25 caliber handgun disappear. Next, Stabby Einstein planned a trip to see some dude. She then went to a rental car company and rented a car. She had it magically changed from red to white. She went to the Grand da she’d previously been boning and traded him a DVD player for a couple of gas cans. She was pleased with the way things were working out so far. Still, she needed a magical disguise. She turned her platinum hair magically brown and was on her way. She filled up the gas cans in California and just to be sure she had enough she stopped at Walmart and bought another can. She was now ready to enact her magical plan of revenge.

She drove to Travis’ house. Her cell phone magically stopped working so nobody could tell where she was until it magically turned back on later. She went to see Prince Travis one last time. Poor Prince Travis never saw what was coming. She was offering up free cooch and he was just a mortal man after all. They banged a couple of times and then she tricked him into the shower with talk of a photo shoot. As Prince Travis was in the shower two Ninja’s magically appeared and holy shit one of them had made Grand da Einsteins gun re-appear. The other Ninja had made a knife materialize. Who the fuck even knew that ninjas could do David Copperfield shit. Not this story teller.

Anyway, Stabby Einstein wasn’t mad at poor Prince Travis anymore, she did everything she could to save him but then the Ninjas got her. With a mighty burst of magical strength she bull dogged the female ninja and crawled over to Travis. Travis was only concerned for his true love Stabby Einstein and he told her to get out and get help because he couldn’t move and he wanted her to live. She was trying to escape when the Ninjas caught her. They argued about whether to kill Stabby or not and they decided to do it. Stabby started thinking magical thoughts like she had never thought before and her magic worked one last time and the gun refused to fire, so instead of using the knife or some other weapon, the ninja’s decided to let her go.

Stabby drove and drove and drove until she was in the desert. She had no recollection of how she got there or what had happened. She looked down and saw some blood on her hands and immediately wondered who she had murdered. She had no memory of Prince Travis, or the Ninja’s or anything. So badly was her memory damaged she called Prince Travis to see if he wanted to come visit her later in the year. She decided she might as well just carry on to her next hook up so she did. They got all touchy feely, they went out for dinner and then Stabby Einstein went back home to Yreka where she returned the rental car which had some weird Kool-Aid stain in it, but she magically thought again and the dude at the rent a car place cleaned it for her. What a nice man, maybe she’d thank you fuck him later.

After that she was magically arrested. The police who had absolutely no idea how magical thinking worked, refused to believe her about the Ninja’s and she rotted in jail till the day her trial started.


The Phone call that Rocked the World (not really but I couldn’t think of another title)

September 6, 2014

Crazy just asked for itself to be redefined-Arizona

Well kiddies, looks like Stabby Einstein really is the gift that keeps on giving. After serious and intense contract negotiations with my in house Psychic she is back (thank you jesus) and we all get to find out what stabby really meant during that totally not orchestrated or released on purpose phone recording.

First, a few interesting points. Three way calls are the big no no in Jail. BIG no no. And not the big no no that resides south of Stabby’s belt line. Also, Satan Skyped me earlier and he now wants a per diem every time his input is needed for something related to this trial. I think he’s trying to save up so he can peace the fuck out if Stabby actually gets the death penalty because apparently even the prince of darkness doesn’t want anything to do with that kind of crazy. He said something about Judas Iscariot and PolPot running the show in his absence so no worries, hell will still be looked after. Oh and apparently Caligula will be performing once a week. There are still seats up front just in case you are interested.

Anyway, here is a copy of what the phone call said, and then we are going to have our lovely, talented and totally appreciated in house psychic tell us what the conversation was really about. Did I thank Jesus yet for my in house psychic. God forbid I have to do these things myself. Also, I had to go to the first circle of hell which is the “stabby Arias is innocent” Bwhahahahaha, sorry I can never type that without laughing, website to get this, so….you’re welcome.

Jodi Lisa
Lisa Yes – hey Jodi
Jodi I thought you were at work. Hey, um—
Lisa Well, I’m at lunch right now
Jodi Oh, okay. Who was it that told me? Oh, Maria [Del La Rosa], she said that, um, someone had told her that you had said online last night that I was supportive of the site and I don’t want to give people that impression because I can’t support the site right now as long as you guys are collecting money. Because it should be—
Lisa No we didn’t—
Jodi Huh?
Lisa No, we didn’t say you supported it. We said that you weren’t – not – you didn’t tell us to take it down which is what everyone else is saying.
Jodi Oh. Well, I don’t mind the site being there. But what I do mind is like that Jason is collecting money and that this corporation thing and that he’s promoting it as if something that I want – because I really don’t. I want the collection of money to stay within my family. And I think that if he really did support me he would just use all that traffic and energy and momentum that he’s building and just direct it toward the Appellate Fund, which is where it should be going to begin with. And remember when you and I were like first getting together with these ideas, it was more about how we can promote the Appellate Fund. But it seems like now it’s gone in a different direction. But, I just, that’s the only —
Lisa So if we collect money, are you saying that you don’t want it?
Jodi Yaah. No-no-no — I’m not saying that. I’m saying that I don’t want other people outside of my family to be accepting money on my behalf. Because it takes away from the fundraising that my family is trying to do for me,for one, and for two, with the Corporation, we don’t really know where that money is ultimately going to go, because it can go wherever the board members want it to go. And, as I told Jason, for example, if you guys vote to have an ice cream party with it, then you can. And he said that’s right. But with the Appellate Fund, it’s in the trust fund and irrevocable trust so you can’t have it go anywhere else. [unintelligible] trust it
Lisa Well, well — we’re not going to do that though.
Jodi Well, I know. But the point is that if you wanted to you could. If you want to reward your hard work with like a trip to Vegas you know, or something. If you [unintelligible] wanna or something—
Lisa No. I mean, but we’re not gonna do that though. And that’s why we have a board because, so, for that oversight.
Jodi Well, I know that’s true but I was just thinking if someone were on that for example and they everyone wants to vote to like going to cruise, for example. And then one persons like, “Hey that’s not right. This money is for Jodi’s appeals. And that’s not right.” And then people are mad and then people just have to vote that person off the board and then they can do what they want with money. That’s how it works. I’m not saying that’s going to happen but the problem that when people donate to a cause they believe in then, they wanna know where the moneys gonna go. But at this point they don’t know where it’s gonna go unless they donate to the trust. It can only go to there — to [unintelligle]
Lisa No but we have to [unintelligible] we, but we have to report our financials and where it’s going. So—
Jodi Yah.
Lisa Then I must be—
Jodi I haven’t [unintelligible] your bylaws but they’re, you know. I dunno — I just, I don’t feel, I don’t feel right with it. I don’t feel comfortable with it. I know you guys have worked really hard on it and I’m sorry it’s gotten this far, but—
Lisa So you don’t even want to look at the bylaws or — ?
Jodi Well, I don’t — really haven’t seen the bylaws. I, I honestly, I don’t want to be involved with it. Because I just feel it takes away from the efforts that my other friends and family have been trying to get the fund going to try to get me an attorney. Um, you know, I just—I feel like it’s taken away from that and that’s the problem. The other thing I’m uncomfortable with is that Jason has just done this without my consent. [unintelligible] “Hey you guys, Jodi’s not quite comfortable with this yet, but we’re trying to explain [unintelligible] to understand what’s going on and we’re doing [unintelligible]. [unintelligible] on there an lies. “Jodi supports us 100%.” And I haven’t. I’ve never said that. So the fact that he just lies about that makes me not trust him, you know? It’s like if you’re going to lie about that what else are you doing, you know? And then he registered the site in my name and I never said to register my name. And he puts Perryville’s physical address on there? That, that’s just, that
could get me into some, I dunno, that could potentially cause problems for me. So I know he took that off, but still, you know, it’s just, I think it’s just the fact that—I really wanted to support Jason. He has a lot of talent and everything, but I can’t. He [unintelligible] slams Pandora, he slams Maria, he slams SJ, he slams Ben, he slams Maria De La Rosa. I’m like, what?
Lisa No, but they all slammed us first though!
Jodi I know, but, I never said [unintelligible]—
Lisa They called us thieves and liars and stealing before [unintelligible]
Jodi [unintelligible] Well I dunno so much about what happened between him and Pandora and Maria and everything but he, he straight up just said a whole bunch of like, he dragged out records on people and humiliated them and I just, I dunno, it’s just. And then my art, like he—he doesn’t care about me. He slammed my art because he doesn’t like SJ. Like he still, like he so blinded by his dislike for SJ that he will throw my art under the bus just to get to SJ. He doesn’t care if it affects me. And he doesn’t care if affects my family and you know, their ability to travel to my trial. So, I dunno know, it’s just. I don’t — Everything says don’t trust Jason. Like, why was he so intent about having control over the money when my aunt started to — he, he coerced my aunt into giving her the password to the Paypal, giving him the password to my Paypal, which is weird, like, no one else needed that just to put it on the web site. You just need the code. But he wanted to be, he wanted more than that. Like every time he’s asking for more and more and more. And now he’s—
Lisa No. Well, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. I’m— Yer just getting all the wrong information. He wanted the password because he [unintelligible] to put, like a banner in there so it would look professional and—
Jodi I know, well—
Lisa I mean, everybody’s just twistin’ everything up.
Jodi Well, the problem though is that I told him, I told him this directly on the phone, the problem with you having that email is that now you get the email notifications and you’re not supposed to be getting them. And
[unintelligible]
Lisa Why though.
Jodi [unintelligible]
Lisa I know, but we fixed all that. We complied with everything you guys wanted. And then you still took it away.
So, I mean, we got everything straight before you took the domain away. — — — Are you still there?

Take it away if you please, oh beloved and much revered in house psychic.
Really, this is the first thing you make me do. You know I hate you right? Sigh. Fine, pass the Gravol and the Tylenol and lets get this shit show started.

Lisa, you fucking peon why do I even have to have this conversations with you right now? If you were working like you should be, I would not have to be doing this and could be thinking about new ways to stall the trial…..like leaking a three way phone conversation. Carry on. God you are stupid.

Anyway, I can’t let anybody think that I totally support a site that I totally support because it’s all about me,me,me because you guys are collecting money that might somehow end up in the Alexander’s hands due to that whole wrongful death thing. Assholes. I can’t believe you can even sue for that. That is why my Mormon god created irrevocable trusts. All money collections need to stay within my family because the tighter that particular box stays closed the less likely people are to figure out that the state has to pay for my appeals and shit. Appellate fund. I cannot believe they even went for that. Plus, I know you guys are making money off of me and I just will NOT have that. That money is mine. I murdered for it fair and square and I get to keep it. Fuck Son of Sam and fuck Juan Martinez. It’s mine.

For when I ultimately get released which is totally going to happen. I know they think this is just a penalty phase retrial, but I plan on retrying my entire case. I don’t care what Nurmi says, I can if I want too. Wait shit missed what this stupid bitch just said. Something about a banner? WTF? Anyway, you douches think you are going to make money off of my hard work and throw my art under a bus because it’s tracings of real art and you get my email notifications which is really a bad idea because of all the naked pics I have floating around out there. I don’t want you idiots to figure out who I really am. Like that would ever happen. I could cut off someone’s head in front of 20 of you and nobody would believe I did it, I am just that good. If it wasn’t for that goddamn Juan Martinez and his “evidence” I’d be out of here already. Jenny is still my friend, she’ll help me totally kick Juan’s ass this time. I hate that little bastard. How dare these people try and steal my murder money. Do they think I’m stupid. I’m Stabby Einstein bitch.

Whatever, I don’t need to talk to this moron anymore, like she understands anything that comes forth from my brilliant mind anyway. Bitch. Probably ugly too. I’m just gonna hang up and go admire myself in my stainless steel toilet or something. I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and……..I’m out. I still don’t think you pay me enough for this shit, but we both know I’ll be back. This is the in house Psychic going to try and drill a small hole in my head and bleach my brain. Back to you oh task master.

So there you have it kids. This is what Stabby was actually thinking while she was talking.


Varmt News Network

It's the Internet.

peskyvarmt

Just another WordPress.com site

Asleep in Left Field-My Life

4 out of 5 Friends recommend this WordPress.com site

Out in left field

(Totally fictional) Drama Queen Stories

CALLS FOR JUSTICE

sometimes, there are monsters walking amongst us