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The Oscar Pusstorius Pity Party Continues-And We Are All Still Invited

October 14, 2014

Could someone please bring me a bucket-South Africa

Hai everybody.  Tis me, your fearless reporter coming to you live from South Africa by proxy- as opposed to say HONG KONG, because I watch the news.  Before we get to part two of the never ending mitigation phase for poor, poor Oscar Pusstorius, we need to talk about something.  It is important so please bear with your intrepid reporter/law professor and dean of fuckery/publisher/finder of facts some people would like to remain really, really hidden.  No wonder I am such a tired RBMD.

I know that you all are dying for part two of my expose’ of people who shall for right now remain nameless because I refuse to give them anymore column space than is necessary.  It will come.  I have to have the documentation and credible confirmation from my sources before I print it.  I will not, not for any reason sink to the level that certain “other” people do when they put things to print.  My integrity means way too much to me and I know that you all understand.  I may joke, and try and make horrific situations a little more tolerable, but everything I write is based in truth.  I will not ever change that because I like to hope it is part of the reason that you read my blog.

Now, enough of this nonsense, let us get on with the Oscar Pusstorius Pity Party part 2. As an aside we can expect a week of this horseshit before we find out how hard of a spanking Pusstorius gets.

Mi’lady brought the proceedings to order and the pity train once again pulled out of the station. First, the burning question that everyone wants to know. The emo goth skunk thing is a witness for Pusstorius named Annette Vergeer. We will get to her in a moment/or not.

Peet van Zyl, pusstorius manager and second person at the pity party was back up on the stand and turned into sushi by a still foaming at the mouth prosecutor Gerri Nel. Van Zyl went on about Pusstorius’ charity work and Mr. Nel barked out about how charity work is more about image than it is about any type of altruism when you do it for the whole world to see. There is some validity to that argument. Those jumping up and down saying look at me every time they do something nice are obviously in it for themselves, exposure for themselves etc, much more than they are in it just to help the less fortunate because they can.

The last witness for the defense was the aforementioned emo/goth skunk, Annette Vergeer. Emo/goth/skunk Vergeer was the second defense witness to recommend that poor, poor, devastated, life’s a burden now pusstorius get house arrest and do some anger management and some community service. She seems to be under the impression that Pusstorius is vulnerable and they are ill equipped to deal with disabled inmates. Really said the 88 other disabled convicts currently housed in South African Prisons? Does that mean we can get house arrest too? The emo Skunk went on to say that Oscar would be vulnerable to rape and extortion to avoid rape if incarcerated. Awwww. You kill a person in cold blood and bad things can happen to you in prison. That is so, so sad.  South African corrections services took umbrage to what the emo skunk had to say and immediately released the following tweet. Because now, just like everybody poops, everybody tweets. Correctional services dept says its “noted with concern inaccurate serious allegations that sought to cast doubt” re SA prisons

On cross, Gerri Nel immediately went on the attack, and unfortunately there isn’t anybody there to calm him down with good boy treats. Turns out that The emo skunk is being paid (just like every other defense witness probably) to testify for poor, poor Oscar. No numbers were brought up so I’m just going with a whole shit ton.

A few other strange and somewhat disturbing things that came out during todays pity party were that A) the Steenkamps have been receiving the equivalent of $600 us per month from Oscar for the past 18 months. This was confirmed by the Steenkamps lawyer. They say they needed the money at the time to live (which of course begs the question, were they living off of Reeva?) but are now prepared to give it back. It also came out that Oscar offered a lump sum payout to them of $35000 US. Thirty five thousand. That is apparently what Reeva’s life was worth to Oscar. The SteenKamps turned that down and it was also brought forth that there will be no civil suit. They don’t want any blood money from poor, poor Oscar. This whole thing bothers me on several levels. I’m still shaking my head. Goddamn murder money. It’s becoming a viable business apparently.

The emo skunk is still under cross when court reconvenes at whatever O’clock Pretoria time later on. Can’t wait. After that Nell is bringing out his witnesses to refute the defenses mitigation claims. This may take another two or three days and then Oscar can get his I shot my girlfriend and all I got was house arrest T-shirt and we can all go home.

That’s it for tonight my lovelies. I hope you all have a great evening, and I will see you all again tomorrow.

Really Big Mean Dog peacing the fuck out.

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Oscar Pistorius Should Have Just Blamed the Ninjas.

September 11, 2014

No! I am not shooting at an intruder in my bathroom Mi’Lady – South Africa

Hey kids. I’m back. I just want you to know that because I love you all so much ( and totally not because of persistent insomnia) I stayed up all night to bring you the verdict from the first trial I have ever had to have translated from English to English. And just for the record, if I hear mi’ lady one more time I will projectile vomit I swear.

Let’s recap mmmmkay? Poor Oscar Pistorius is apparently a complete pussy. I mean a 10 on the Richter Scale pussy. And a dick. Just sayin’. Which probably explains why he can run so fast and has a penchant for automatic weapons. So anyway, Oscar and his beautiful girlfriend Reeva were at his house on Valentines eve. While moving a fan because he was still awake because the blue light as opposed to any other light on the amplifier was bothering him, Pusstorius (yup I went there and I’m keeping it) heard the boogey man or bigfoot or some shit. Because in the universe I inhabit, calling security, you know, the ones at the security gate is just a stupid idea; he immediately tied a dew rag around his head, held onto a bowie knife with his teeth and went into Rambo Mode. After adjusting his night vision goggles he crept up on the closed and locked bathroom door, and because closed doors are just wrong man, he opened fire with an automatic weapon. He killed that door really good. It was as he was phoning his taxidermy guy that he noticed that Reeva was not in bed. Just in case the door wasn’t 100 percent dead, he decided to beat it to death with a cricket bat. It was not until he had totally killed the door that he realized Reeva hadn’t just magically vanished into the fog(see what I did there?) Oh my god a shocked; SHOCKED I tell you, Pusstorius said. REEEEEEEVA! He picked up his girlfriend and carried her downstairs because why the fuck not. Maybe the light down there was better or something. Anyway, Reeva was quite dead, and since the zombie virus is sorely lacking in South Africa she remained that way. Oscar swore vehemently that it was just a sad accident that it had been Reeva and not just some random person in his bathroom.

Now, as absolutely ridiculous as this whole story is, the prosecution still has some problems. The biggest one being that the cops in Pretoria seem to like shiny things. They stole some shit and that led to accusations of evidence tampering because Pusstorius knew his story stank like really good limburger so he needed to muddy the waters.

I have analyzed every statement Pusstorius has ever made about this case and there are so many inconsistencies, changes and outright bald faced bullshit that it boggles the mind. He’s lying. I’m hoping that the judge saw through it. The South African Judiciary fascinates me, I’m really hoping it works.

Here is what it comes down to for the judge.

140731163128-pistorius-murder-verdict-tree-story-top

While we wait FOREVER, here are some things that should not exist – a Group called Pistorians. Obviously Pusstorius supporters, almost all women and probably some hot gay men. Someone tell me why we are not ruled by apes. Anyone? Bueller?

The Justice for Stabby web site – This is why we can’t have nice things.

People that will believe anything – We can only hope Darwin was correct

Guilty on the gun charges, Guilty on the ammunition charges – Now Pusstorius’ explanation is being re-read into the record. Now we are reading war and peace into the record. Or something. I don’t know for sure I may have been unconscious from boredom. The Judge just actually read her punctuation into the record close bracket elipses. Annnnd a dog barked. IN. THE. COURTROOM. Fun place Pretoria. Not guilty of Premeditated murder. OMFG now we are taking an early lunch. It is 6:30 my time and I have been awake for way to many hours. The sacrifices I make for you guys.

Thank God Mi’Lady is back. I was getting concerned. Court is back in session. Pusstorius has failed the reasonable man test for negligent homicide. And the Judge stopped there and recessed till tomorrow at half past nine which in Pretoria is whatever o’clock. That’s it for this one today kids, guess I’m pulling another all nighter.

And a special shout out to my buddy Stabby’s Pencil for rocking the Casbah with me for most of this day of the verdict. If there ever is…a verdict….ever.


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