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The In House Psychic Presents Stabby’s Obituary

June 5, 2015

Hello everyone. Sorry you get me today. Seems that the boss broke out in a laughing fit over something on the internet this morning and hasn’t been able to stop. Anyway, since Stabby is going to die in prison I thought that it would be nice of me to save everyone some time and write her obituary for her. I hope she appreciates all this work. (No I don’t) I’m sure that Alfred E. will be more than happy with what I have come up with. Since I’m psychic I happen to know what is going to happen to Stabby, so um, spoilers ahead.

Stabby Anal Arias was found dead in her cell at Perryville Correctional Facility. It has been reported that she died of multiple shank wounds, syphilis, ingrown anal warts, a horrible foot fungus, 3rd degree burns, and apparently rabies from one of the prairie dogs she tried to kick in the head. A traffic cone and all 31 flavors of Baskin Robins ice-cream were removed during a preliminary cavity search. A post mortem will be performed as soon as a Hasmat team can be called in.

Stabby was a gifted tracer of actual artwork and a budding yogi who did headstands whenever possible. She dabbled in amateur porn work and stalking. Her ex-boyfriends all say that she tossed a hell of a salad and expressed their extreme sadness at her expiration date. Apparently Matt McCartney was closest and won the pool. She will also be remembered for possibly the sloppiest meat flaps on the planet as well as her affinity for pigtails and making up words that sounded Einstein-y.

There will be a memorial service held at Perryville where awards will be given out for the people that helped speed her demise. There will also be a memorial service held at the KY factory because they expect sales to drop dramatically now that their poster girl is dead.

Stabby is survived by a bunch of leeches who are as we speak fighting over the irrevocable trust and a group of inmates who are still high fiving each other that she is dead. Auntie Sue could not be reached for comment as she was out Lexus shopping. Stabby’s mother simply stated “meh, I’ve got a couple more.”

Stabby will be buried in the prisoners graveyard since nobody in the family felt that they could afford the cost of retrieving and burying the body. One of them commented “to let the state do it, what do we care.”

The family asks that in lieu of flowers you just send them cash.

This has been the in house Psychic. Have a great night.

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A Sea Of Blue

April 13, 2015

Travis Alexander you were loved by an entire nation.

The courtroom in Maricopa County Arizona was a sea of blue today.  The family, the jurors who came back and sat in the jury dock to see the final chapter of this travesty of a trial, everywhere you looked there was blue.  Blue in memory of a man that almost none save the family knew, but a man who an entire nation had come to love.  Ten of the jurors plus an alternate from the retrial and several from the first trial all wearing blue and blue ribbons and blue wristbands because this is how much this mans life and death has affected them.  Conspicuously absent was Juror 17.

The family of Travis Victor Alexander walked up to the podium one last time this morning, one by one sobbing as they begged “Today I am a Judge” Stephens to give them at least some modicum of peace and throw the evil entity known as Stabby Einstein in jail for the rest of her hopefully exceedingly long natural life.  Stephen did not speak, my guess being that he is at the very end of his frayed emotional rope.  The strain on his face the last time he spoke was a live thing.

Travis’ sisters went up one at a time and spoke poignantly of the brother they loved so very much, now long dead.   They spoke through tears that threatened to spill over into gut wrenching wails of torment at any moment and it was only by sheer force of will that they held them back.  They brought us back to the memory of Travis, dead and decaying in his shower for five days and relayed that they felt his spirit was screaming for someone to find him.  They went through once happy and now gut wrenching memories of their big brother, so good, so kind, so giving and what a large part of their lives they were.  There was anger at Stabby, anger at a judicial system that they felt had let them down and rage at the rights afforded the murderer as opposed to those of a dead man.

Hillary spoke of how she has had to completely block Travis from her mind in order to continue to function.  It was perhaps the most heartbreaking thing I have ever heard.

Tanisha spoke eloquently but the heavy sadness she carried with her conjured images of Sisyphus having to push that huge boulder up the mountain only to watch it roll down and have to start all over again.  The futility of it was not lost on anyone I don’t think.  She said she and the family had tried to get Stabby to take a deal of natural life and no appeals and Stabby refused.  It would have saved them the second trial and millions of taxpayers money but no, Stabby would not have it.  The Judge began to nod in agreement as Tanisha continued to speak.  I watched with rapt attention as a seasoned Jurist worked very hard to keep her face neutral and not react to the pain laid out before her.

They went through the lies that Stabby had told and how she had killed Travis not once, but three times with the lies she had told and how she had dragged the name of a good and decent man through the mud.  They told the judge that they understood all of the delays she allowed the defense and actually apologized to her that she too had had to go through this again.

Samantha went last and spoke of how she had seen Travis only a couple of weeks before his death.  How he had been excited about his book. She expressed her disgust at Stabby using that book as part of her completely ridiculous defense.  She told the Judge of Stabby being at the memorial, having the same smirk on her face as she did in her booking photo.  She expressed her appreciation to Judge Stephens for seeing this through to the end.

The Judge paid rapt attention to what these poor broken women had to say and I saw her quickly dab at her eyes twice.  The pain they all share and the pain they shared with all of us this one last time was almost to much even for the judge.

Juan Martinez this one last time spoke for Travis.  He was subdued but his words, so passionate reverberated throughout the hushed courtroom.  Gone was the pitbull and in his place was a man who felt the pain of this entire family and chose to bear some of that weight on his own shoulders.  The fire was out and in its place was an earnestness that the Judge needed to do what was the right and decent thing to do.    He spoke of hope and how that hope had been dashed by a lone holdout, but that now there was hope that Stabby would never see the light of day again.   Gone were the wild hand gestures and the pacing.  He spoke of the butchery of Travis because that is what it was.  He spoke of how his screams and his cries of pain ring in their ears.  How they hope he was unconscious when the knife was used to slash his throat, how it was something they held on to.  He told the judge how they could not get the brutality out of their minds and the extreme distress their brother must have felt.  How that two minutes must have been an eternity.  He said he hoped that the judge would remember that out of one side of her mouth she praised him and out of the other side she called him a pedophile. How she fabricated evidence, how she tormented the family.

There was a 10 minute recess so that the Judge could read whatever Stabby had to say since she didn’t appear to want to say it in public.

THIS WILL BE THE CURSE LADEN PORTION OF THIS BLOG

Mom of Satan’s most beloved child got up to address the court.  She stated that she was the only one from Jodi’s family there today because of financial hardships. Gotta get the puke bucket, hang on.  Mom of Stabby said that her daughter tried to be a good and wonderful fucking human being until she met the worst mistake of her life and had to fight for her life because Travis was abusive.  Oh you fucking cunt.  As a mother she felt like she should have been able to protect her.  The can cage her, and strip her of her rights but they cannot take away her beautiful soul.  You know that beautiful soul that slaughtered a man.  Mom does not condone what stabby has done but she totally gets stabbing a man 27 times and shooting him and slitting his throat.  Stabby has touched so many lives with her story. BARF.  Although stabby is still alive they have lost their daughter although she has dreams of seeing Stabby walk free.  Stabby has always helped people less fortunate than her, she has written letters for people and sang for people and done many things to help inmates.  Oh she is now praying for judge Stephens.  Awwwww. BARF.

OMG IT IS GOING TO SPEAK.

She wants to respond to a few things that have been said.  Travis’ family refused to settle not her (I WOULD JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT  FOR THOSE THAT MISSED IT THAT STABBY WANTED TO SETTLE FOR SECOND DEGREE AND 10 YEARS, THAT WAS HERE IDEA OF SETTLE) The Alexanders wanted natural life with no appeals.

She said that it would hurt her wittle family if she got the death penalty.  She is actually standing there talking and not only is she not remorseful she is fucking mad.  OMFG she is SATANS DAUGHTER.  The cunt just said she does remember the moment the knife went into Travis’ throat and he was conscious. He was still trying to attack her. Wait what?  he had all those stab wounds and he was still trying to attack her so she slit his throat?  Way to take that little bit of solace away from the family you fucking whore.  She then said the gunshot wound did come first and Juan and Detective Flores got together and changed the story.  Welcome to the beginnings of story number 4 for the state funded appeal.

Willmott went on for about a hundred hours but nobody cared.

Well, what do you know.  Judge Stephens picked today to be a Judge.  Judge Stephens just looks pissed off.  I’d be pissed off too after that little tirade by Stabby.

“The aggravating and mitigating factors have been considered. As aggravation the court finds the crime was especially cruel, the crime involved at least two deadly weapons, the crime took substantial planning and preparation, the defendant did not render aid to the victim, the defendant went to great lengths to cover up her crime, the defendant destroyed evidence at the crime scene and has also found as an aggravating factor the emotional and financial harm on the family of the victim.   The court finds any mitigation presented is not sufficiently substantial to call for leniency and a NATURAL LIFE SENTENCE IS APPROPRIATE. IT IS ORDERED THAT THE DEFENDENT BE INCARCERATED FOR THE REMAINDER OF HER NATURAL LIFE. Just let that sink in for a moment.  I hope the cunt lives to be 753

Nurmi took a moment to beg for the millionth time to be released from this whore and with that court was adjourned.

That is it everybody.  The Stabby Arias trial is at an end.  May the Alexander family finally find some peace.

RBMD peacing the fuck out!!

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The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Retrial- Ohhhh Somebody Is Going To Hell Edition

February 2, 2015

Really, you don’t turn your phone off in court Cha Cha?

Todays post is brought to you by the letters S, I, and A.

Hai everybody. It’s me, your law professor/Dean of Fuckery/doctor of doctoring/sarcasm expert/researcher extraordinaire/Queen of the region of Mean. I spent the day taking notes. Notes, and notes and notes. I think I may have carpel tunnel syndrome (I don’t have documentation for that.) I learned a lot of things today. The most important things I learned today were to always keep the Pretoria puke bucket handy and that Alfred E. (who from now on will be referred to with whatever S,I or A word I can think of at that moment) is going to hell. Maybe 20 years from now, maybe he’ll get hit by an icecream truck getting a Mr. Softy, maybe his heart will explode at an all you can eat buffet. Whatever happens to Mr. Slimebag, he’s going to hell for what he did today.

I don’t want to get into a theological discussion about hell, maybe it exists, maybe it doesn’t, maybe it is in our own heads. Just mark my words when I tell you that the universe does not take kindly to what happened in court today. I do not as a general rule offend easily. I have an extraordinary ability to see everything from the other persons point of view as well as my own. It takes something major to offend me. My feelings get hurt, I get angry, I get maudlin, but I do not get offended. Until today. The remainder of the 4 idiots of the apocalypse can save him a seat if they get there first. And no, before this little bit of writing gets taken out of context I’m not threatening anyone. Wishful thinking, oh you bet, but I’m not making any threats.

So ChaCha forgot that silent is an option on her phone in court today and this happened. At least we all know what her ringtone is now…omglolroflmao.

Bishop Vernon Parker was called to the stand. Sexual deviant attorney was up because there was sex stuff to be discussed. He started out asking Bishop Parker about his responsibilities and if his position is prominent and he is looked up to. Bishop Parker, who is in his late 60’s early 70’s according to two separate sources (those things you are supposed to have when you make statements of fact) seemed uncomfortable on the stand. Alfred E. Asshat asked about what the role of a Bishop was and he dripped sarcasm doing so. And I was offended for the first time today. Alfred. E Isadick continued to hammer at the Bishop about the fact that people look up to him. The Bishop answered very politely that his role was to help guide people and not to receive admiration. Alfred E. Analwart was being aggressive to the point where the jury noticed when he asked about temple worthiness and what kind of disciplines are handed down. He then asked the Bishop, THE BISHOP, if he was an honest man. I heard a hundred people collectively gasp in their heads. The Bishop still with his quiet dignity answered yes. Alfred. E sickerthanshit jumped all over that answer with why the Bishop felt a need to bring an attorney with him. That of course was answered on Wednesday if you recall. It was because certain questions regarding parish people cannot be answered and the lawyer was there on the off chance that the Bishop wasn’t sure. He is trying to discredit the Bishop simply because he has an attorney there, and by the looks of things it is going over like a lead balloon. The Jury is completely stone faced. Alfred E. Ick asked if a sinner can baptize someone. The Bishop answered yes if they lied their way through. There is very little note taking during the blatant fuckery going on at this particular moment in time. Asshole asked if someone without a temple recommend could perform a baptism. The Bishop said yes in a church just not in a temple as long as the Bishop approves following a brief interview.

Alfred E. Shithead asked the Bishop if he recalled Travis lived with him for 6-9 months. The Bishop calmly says he remembers saying that but that he corrected his statement if Alfred E remembers that. Alfred. E almost yelled “Did Mr. Martinez tell you to say that?” That would be the moment Juan busted his muzzle, snapped the chain holding him to the prosecution table, ate the dart the vet deployed and roared OBJECTION!! Alfred E. Idiot jumped backwards and straight up about 6 feet and decided that now would be a good time to change the line of questioning. And maybe his depends. Moving on to the computer he said was it located in the living room. The raging pitbull sat down and one of the bailiffs tried distracting him with his favorite nurmi chew toy. The Bishop confirmed it was in the living room and anyone could use it. Alfred E. Asshat says the Bishop can’t keep his stories straight about who slept there to which the pitbull once again reared his mighty head and roared objection. Not a Judge Stephens sustained it in record time.

And that would be when the Macarena busted out in court. And Cha Cha took the call. IN COURT.

Alfred E. Scumbag is being a complete and total dick to the Bishop and this may not be the witness to act like that with. Just sayin’. Bishop Parker said that everyone suspected that it was Jake that was responsible for the pop-ups on the computer. Alfred E is actually yelling, YELLING at Bishop Parker to be honest. Juan is fighting hard to protect the Bishop and as it turns out despite a bit of confusions as to dates the Bishop remained completely adamant that Travis never used his computer. You have to remember that this is an old man, this all happened 14 years ago, and he had no idea that something as innocent as computer usage should be committed to memory. Wonder if Alfred E. can remember what he ate at sizzler 14 years ago. The Jury still looks very disapproving. Then Alfred E. brought out the stuff for which I hope that he burns in hell for. Alfred. E spent a great deal of time asking things and then when the Bishop started to answer he would bark I have no question pending. That would be out of the Juan Martinez handbook. They do say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery right?

All aboard the sex train because that is what some low level mediocre sex crimes specialist does. Conductor shithead put on his conductor hat and proceeded to try and give the Bishop a heart attack. He proceeded to ram home (sorry) every act of sexual deviance that was ever performed by Stabby and Travis. He went into lurid and uncalled for detail. He talked about anal, oral, and vaginal penetration. Facials, ass poundings, the sex tape, and when he was done and he Bishop was the color of slightly off cottage cheese he sweetly asked if those would be considered a no no in the Mormon Church. The Bishop answered. How about anal ignorant fuck continued. Is that less of a transgression? the Bishop answered that a sexual transgression is a sexual transgression, which of course Alfred E. already knew. If someone is having sex, does that make them less desirable as a partner. The Bishop answers that he can’t answer that. The Bishop by now is very obviously uncomfortable.

Is Deanna Reid married with Children was the next question, which of course was to allude that because she had sex she was not suitable marriage material. The Bishop answered that she was not.

Asshole E. then went back to Travis and Stabby having sex and the type of sex they were having. He wants to know what the Bishop would have done. The Bishop said that they would have had to discuss it and he would decide what to do. He is trying to get the Bishop to say that Travis should have been disciplined more harshly because he had more transgressions. the Bishop said probation could have happened which means he couldn’t give message or receive sacrament or could be ex communicated.

With that Juan was up. And by up I mean he was completely beside himself angry.

Juan brings of the defense deposition of the Bishop and we have an objection and immediate sidebar. The objectomatic made a very strange almost screechy noise when it deployed. Apparently somebody doesn’t want the depo entered into evidence. The defense was over ruled and Juan continued. He began his trademark pace. was the prosecution present at this deposition. The Bishop said no. Who was present at the deposition? Stabby, Jenny, Alfred E. the Bishop and his attorney. Stabby is looking sicker and sicker by the moment. A migraine may be coming on any second now.

Nurmi doesn’t want the exhibit admitted to which not a Judge Stephens said tough tittie and it went into evidence. Juan, who was not at the deposition reads the transcript. It says the Bishop was asked if his story changed. Juan, still pacing said you were asked over and over if having your lawyer present caused you to change your story at the deposition. Juan smacks it up on the overhead and isadick objects like Juan just smashed a frosted chocolate cake. After the sidebar which Juan won we went back to the overhead. Question: has anyone within your church advised you to hold back information. answer NO. Juan moved quickly to another exhibit and of course there is another objection and sidebar. (is there free food up there or something?) Again Alfred E. Analwart is overruled and deposition two is smacked up onto the overhead like Juan would like to beat it to death. Question – Does the name Marc McFuckstick’s brides name ring a bell. Answer by Bishop Parker – yes. Who is she. answer: She moved in after Travis moved out.

Juan moved away from the overhead and paced back and forth. He addressed the Bishop. Was Stabby as guilty of serial transgressions as Travis was? Do the same rules apply? Yes. The affidavit from Marc McFuckface said that he arranged for his soon to be wife to live with the Bishop. The bishop said no, the girls father made those arrangements NOT Marc.

Juan next took the interview between the defense and the Bishop and shook it in his steel trap jaws until it was in fifty million pieces, ascertaining that the Bishop was not being dishonest, the defense failed to ask specific questions. Good old Alfred E is objecting to everything and being shot down in flames.

Juan moved to admit and email between Travis and Deanna and the objectomatic finally gave it up. Overuse will kill a spring loaded seat really fast apparently. And we have sidebar 15 or so for the day. Once again the objection appeared to be overruled since Juan didn’t change gear as is his way when an objection doesn’t go his way. There was a question asked on the deposition about Travis emailing Deanna from the Bishops home computer. The Bishop stated that Travis went to friends houses to email Deanna. No wonder the defense didn’t want that in the record. Kind of undermines the whole Travis used the computer thing.

A recess was called and all the main players trooped into chambers. Eventually they came back, nobody knows why they were there. Anybody want to play 20 guesses. I was hoping the finally just gave it up, but apparently not.

Juan who had actually eaten one of the vets darts was definitely not feeling the effects as he tore into some email between the Bishop and Marc McFullofshit- Nurmi is objecting to this because of time zones. YUP you read that correctly. Don’t even ask me, I just report this shit.

The Bishop said that Marc was good with computers. He also emphatically stated that Marc Mcliarliarpantsonfire were not friends, did not hang out and wasn’t sure that they even knew each other. Turns out the Bishop never ever, ever saw Deanna with Marc and that Travis and Linda never hid their relationship from anybody. They were extremely open about it. At that point Stabby looked like she would be very happy if the earth would open up and just take her home to Satan now.

There were some Jury Questions;

Is the person committing a sexual transgression worthy of being baptized into the church.

Is there disciplinary action taken against anyone that is perceived to have put into question the integrity of the church

Were any records of people kept in your home? NO

did the church track who lived there? NO

Do people living in home sign an agreement? NO

Would other people in the church be assigned a lawyer to protect the integrity of the church? depends on the position.

And with that Court adjourned until 10 am tomorrow.

Have a great night everyone
RBMD peacing the fuck out.


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