Philip Chism Is Found Sane To The Shock Of Nobody Anywhere

November 4, 2015

Way to rack up those billable hours legal aid!

Hai everyone.  It is me, your Dean of Fuckery/Law Professor/Doctor of Doctoring/honorary DVM/resident sarcasm expert/researcher extraordinaire and Queen of all I survey.

Today in totally not news budding psychopath Philip Jism was found sane and able to stand trial.  Jury selection resumes and we should hopefully have opening statements between the 15 and 20th of this month.

In yet another shot at racking up some more coin the legal aid team brought a couple of motions.  First was for totally a Judge to reverse his decision not to change venue because it was the anniversary time of Colleen’s death.  Second they had a bitch fest about trial start date because their expert may not be available. (as a side note, why does every single defense team in the history of ever try this one?)  Oh yeah, billable hours. Third, Nurmi’s lost twin sister has objected several times now ( like 5 by my count) to the states expert witness, so I cannot wait to see this expert witness.

Since I was waiting for someone with a functioning frontal lobe to say to themselves “Hmmm, he took a box cutter, gloves, a change of clothes, slashed her to death, washed up, changed clothes, stole her credit card, dragged her to where he tossed her like garbage in a recycling bin, and raped her with a tree branch.  Seems to me the boy put more than a little for thought into this.”  And then  stamp a big red SANE stamp across his file I decided to do a little more research into our latest special little snowflake.

Turns out the Jizz isn’t just some garden variety killer. Philip could be is a psychopath. Now, I know we can’t classify him as one till after he turns 18 because the psychiatric community frowns on that; so let me tell you about young Jizm. Turns out that they had only been in the community a few months because they had to move. They marriage was not the hippy peace and love thing that Mom of stabby I mean Jism, sorry got confused for a second, is peddling to the news. They were violent, he says she was, she says he was the cops say they both were. That however is not why they moved. They moved because young Jism as it turns out liked to light cats on fire, or beat them to death with rocks. Apparently once enough cats had gone missing someone caught him and they were basically run out of town.

Have you all heard of the dark net? I don’t suggest you ever go there without a barf bucket and your psychiatrist on speed dial, but you can find out all manner of things there. Juvenile records, old psych reports, and assorted things that I won’t get into. Anyway, turns out Jizzy was also a bed wetter until he was almost 10. He was basically unsupervised, watched a shit ton of online porn and was by all accounts a loner. Probably because most people don’t enjoy the hobby of burning cats. Put that all together and you got yourself one psychopath on the rise and my guess is, that is EXACTLY what the prosecution expert is going to say.

Legal Aid is no doubt doing the happy sad mad dance right now. Happy because payday, mad because they didn’t get their way, sad because they know they are going to lose. Meh, sucks to be them.

That’s it for tonight
RBMD peacing the fuck out

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I Decided To Go Spelunking And See What I Could Find.

October 25, 2015

Good day everyone.  Your Law Professor/Dean of Fuckery/Doctor of Doctoring/Honorary DVM and Queen of all I survey has been doing a little bit of background on our precious little snowflake Philip Jism.  I had to look under a lot of rocks and at a lot of nasty bugs but I did find a veritable cornucopia of EWWWWWW.

Let us start where all good psychopaths start, at home.  Diana Jism, mom of Beelzebub was asked down to the station in hopes she might know where Colleen Ritzers body was.  She asked if she would require a lawyer and then went on to chat about how much Satan loves soccer and how he had only been in trouble one time in the two whole months he had been at Danvers High School.  At this point she was unaware that he was at the station.  Once she found that out the  first words out of her mouth were “did he hurt somebody?”  She thought it was the Spanish teacher.  Not another student but the Spanish teacher.  She admitted having no idea what her kid was doing between the end of school and when soccer practice started.  The next words out of her mouth and the ones that burn my ass like I ate a jar of hot sauce for dinner were “I do know he is capable of snapping, my son could have snapped, he is capable of that.” 

So, mom of Jism knew she had a rabid dog on her hands, failed to get any kind of intervention for said rabid dog like councelling  or a psychiatrist and sent him off to school every day.  She should need a fucking lawyer.

Moving on to the next rock lets bring out the legal aid attorneys.  I know we talked about who they are but now lets take a look at what they have done so far.   Firstly, I’d like to add the caveat the everyone has a job to do.  ditch diggers dig ditches, garbage men pick up garbage and legal aid attorneys do their best to get their slimball bastard clients off.   You know how in class there is always the top of the class and then that guy that barely makes it through?  Welcome to legal aid.  Thus far they have had his confession tossed as being coerced, they have pleaded Jism not guilty and have tried but failed to have him tried as a juvenile and to have the venue moved.  This is the job they get very  little money to do.  Now, since they are aware they are pretty much screwed they have decided on an insanity defense.  Just to waste some more time.  And money.  Billable hours add up you know.

Rock number 3 brings us to Philip Jism and it was a particularly icky one.  Covered in slime and crawling with bugs.

Jism has been a busy little Psychopath.  Not only did he rape, kill and desecrate the body of Colleen Ritzer, the sweet gentle little snowflake also made time to assault a staff member at the department of youth services in June.  He “allegedly” tried to strangle the woman at the Metro Youth Facility.  He followed her into a bathroom, and assaulted her until co-workers heard her scream and rushed in to help.  Charges are attempted murder by strangulation, assault with intent to murder, kidnapping and two counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.  My goodness, if I didn’t know any better I’d say our budding your psychopath has a modus operandi.

The insanity defense I am pretty sure came from Jism, the lawyers are just going with it.  All of a sudden, Jism is hearing voices, banging his head off of things and asking officers to shoot him.  I wonder if that would count as assisted suicide and we could just be done with this.

This brings us to now. Jury selection has been halted while we play out this little charade of insanity.  Totally a Judge David Lowy ordered an evaluation which could take up to 20 days. He is being evaluated at the Worcester Recovery Center and Hospital where he is being held in an adult locked unit and has no access to any unsecured areas.

Lead prosecutor Kate MacDougal while rolling her eyes so hard they almost bounced across the room said she expects the exam will find Jism completely competent.  He has a long and storied history of manipulation to get what he wants.

I turned over a lot of rocks.  You’re welcome

RBMD Peacing the Fuck Out

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Court Will Soon Be Back In Session And A Few Odds And Ends

October 8, 2015

Apparently Nurmi has a brother

Hai everybody. Hope everybody has been doing okay in my totally sucky absence. I have been busy with the puppies and my son since school started and unfortunately the blog has suffered for it. I sincerely apologize.

Bug is starting cornerback on his football team this year. That means a ton of practices that he needs to be picked up from, and I have to at least attempt to go and watch the games. With a lot of help from mamma I have made it up to seven minutes outside of the car in a crowd before I can’t take it anymore and so I watch the rest of the game from the safety of my vehicle. Bug is absolutely thrilled that I am trying to deal with my mental issues enough to come watch him play.

In Waterford there is this thing called pumpkinfest every year. I believe this is the 35th installment. For the first time ever, they are having a dog show of sorts. Categories are best costume, prettiest all around dog, best male puppy, best female puppy, best puppy in show and best trick. Bug has agreed to take the dogs for me so Hutch is being entered in best male puppy, prettiest dog and best puppy in show. Ewok is being entered for best trick. We have been working with them every night to prep them for the show and Bug has surprised me greatly with how well he is taking to properly training puppies.

My other puppy had to be taken to the vet because her mamma tried to pick her up and she is so heavy that Panzer put a hole in her neck. It was accidental and she didn’t even cry. I cleaned it up and disinfected it but she unfortunately got a pretty bad infection anyway. I had to take both of them because they won’t be without each other so I got Hutch his deworming and his heartworm stuff. Little girl ended up having to get shaved all around the wound and has two weeks worth of antibiotics to take. It is a mess. It didn’t look that bad on top till they shaved her and I could see how far it had spread, but apparently it is deep and by the amount of puss they drained out of it, it is a bad infection. The vet said she will be perfectly fine, but the antibiotics were a must. They also both got weighed. At 10 weeks they weigh 22.9lbs and 20.6lbs. The vet said they are going to be gigantic dogs. She is a great vet. She researched the three best antibiotics and found me the least expensive ones and she gave me the deworming and heartworm stuff for cost plus 10%. Even still it was a 188 dollar visit. They are aware of my financial problems so they are doing everything to help me out which I truly appreciate and I told her so a hundred times.

Bug is doing well in school but I cannot believe how much things have changed for the crazy.   I was the best math student out of my entire highschool and I just shake my head at some of the things they are expecting of 14 and 15 year old kids.  He is the top of his class in history and still hates French.

Now, on to our next court trial. Philip Chism of Massachusetts is the next piece of shit on the hit list of my snarky disgust. Here is a link to bring everyone up to speed.

dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3 Link provided by Rie. Thank you.

This one is just a disgusting piece of excrement and I can’t wait to take him apart as only I can.

I am suspending the serial until the trial is over because there is not enough time to finish it, and truthfully I don’t think that many people were interested. I will still finish it for those that were following it, just not till after this trial.

In best news I’ve heard all day, Oscar Pusstorias’s early release was put on hold and an appeal to Judges that actually understand the law is being heard. YAY!!

So your homework is to read up on Chism. Trial opening arguments are slated to begin October 20th.

Really Big Mean Dog peacing the fuck out!!

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The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Re-Trial -The OMG Edition

February 9, 2015

Examine this – Juan Martinez
Hai everybody. Welcome to yet another thrilling edition of the trial that just refuses to end.

Sometimes Judge Stephens wasn’t playing today and had two vets on stand-by just in case, as well as a couple of chew toys and full attack suits for the defense.

Of course court couldn’t start without a motion for mistrial for something. This one seemed to be regarding Geffner. Oral arguments are set for the 17th. Alfred E. Fuckhead doesn’t want oral arguments but Sometimes Judge Stephens said tough tittie she will wait for the State’s reponse and will hold oral arguments.

The luminous Dr. DeMarte is back on the stand and Alfred E. is still crossing her. Basically blah blah blah your are a toddler, blah blah blah, a bunch of stuff about being a student and not having experience as a doctor. He is really hammering home about her young age and what he terms lack of experience but the jury isn’t feeling it. Dr. DeMarte definitely knows her shit. Nurmi is so mad he is almost forming spit bubbles but Dr.DeMarte maintains her composure much to her credit. She said she is able to say she has 8 years of experience because she was seeing patients and this is a standard practice.

Nurmi continues to scream, as in scream that you can’t say you have that experience of you were not licensed. DeMarte does not have a shit to give about anything that Alfred E. Isadick has to say and remains cool under fire. Sometimes Judge Stephens motioned for the vet to hold his fire in hopes that Nurmi would get himself under control.

Nurmi then said that Dr.(so not a doctor) Geffner had to explain some rule for Dr. DeMarte. Juan is up and objecting and a dart was successfully deployed. Apparently not taking any chances with a raging loose pitbull in the courtroom. Nurmi said that Geffner gave Dr. Demarte an admonishment not to release questions for tests because she had done it in the past. Dr. DeMarte says that is not correct. Nurmi gets transcripts from the guilt phase. Oh the little bastard is trying to impeach Dr. DeMarte. Juan immediately objects and we have an approach. Nurmi tries again and Juan rips the head off of his chew toy and now we have a sidebar.

Well, that didn’t work out to well for the great and powerful Alfred. E so now he is telling the jury that Dr. DeMarte has a habit of breaking the rules. Dr. DeMarte shoots back that Nurmi doesn’t understand the rules and I peed a little. Juan is objecting so much that Flores has moved the muzzle to closer proximity and also the catch pole is within easy reach.

This went on for about another thousand hours before Nurmi finally gave it up.

We have finally, mercifully (thank you baby jesus) moved on to something actually having to do with the fucking trial. Nurmi say something about the validity scales saying a test was valid. I have no clue what test. He asked Dr. DeMarte when she became a guru on these matters. (I’m totally serious, an actual trial lawyer actually said that). Dr. DeMarte asked if that was a question.

We will now be going into the masturbation part of the program again, so I will give you all a moment to dig out your Pretoria puke buckets. Nurmi taks about the journals and used it as evidence that Stabby did not see Travis masturbating. (I feel dirty every single time I have to type that just so you all know). DeMarte said that Stabby not writing about it in her journal implies that the incident never happened. Alfred E. Pervert asked if it was subjective data that Travis knew what a 12 year old girls orgasm sounded like. (you know what, I’m just going to interject here for a minute. Now, I personally did not find out what a personal orgasm sounded like till I was waaaay older than 12, but a lot of people that I knew when I was younger did and they found it out with 12 and 13 year old boys, why in the name of god is this a thing? Why?) Anyway, DeMarte said that was not objective data. Nurmi finally shut the fuck up and sat back down in his chair to recline while Juan went back up.

Everyone looked a little concerned as the pitbull began his trademark pace. Foam dripped from his muzzle and his face was in a half snarl. Of course as soon as everyone had been herded into their places we had a sidebar and everybody had to leave the courtroom again.
And now the Judge called a recess. Nobody seems to know for how long. Probably long enough to find some stronger drugs for Juan.

After another sidebar, people in, people out, a very concerned looking defense team, the jury has been herded back in and Juan is back up. Juan wants to know about Dr. DeMartes ethical obligations. She replies that her ethical obligations are that the tests do not get replicated. What are your ethical obligations on psychological tests? She said that she had to maintain the test security.

Juan wants to know if mental illness is just a label to which the stunning Dr. DeMarte says yes. So, does Stabby know right from wrong? Yes she does. Nurmi is objecting like rocky road icecream has been discontinued but he is getting overruled at every single turn.

Once again it is brought up that DeMarte diagnosed Stabby with BPD and depression and adjustment disorder. Basically we are going over DeMartes entire Psychological report again and I’m sick of writing about it so blah blah blah psych stuff, blah blah blah Borderline personality disorder.

Juan wants to know how many times DeMarte used the term mental illness in her report. She thinks two or three times. And another sidebar. Seems like every other question is a sidebar. Juan asked if any prison inmate had trouble adjusting would that mean that they all suffer mental illness. DeMarte says yes and for the first time I disagree with Dr. DeMarte.

Juan asks if Stabby was described as being clingy and jealous and Dr. DeMarte said yes. Wasn’t Stabby found hiding under Travis’s Christmas tree? Yes.

Juan gets Dr. DeMarte to read an email that Stabby sent to Travis after he was already dead. Now another email after he was dead asking if he was going to deposit the check. Another email where she says she and Travis will see the sites in Oregon and she will be visiting him.

Nurmi objects hard to what is coming in next, the journal entries after Travis was killed but the judge was all Bye Felicia and let them in. Journal entry from July 9 2008, it talks about Ryan Burns. Jodi writes lies to herself in her journal She is afraid people will thing she killed Travis even though she totally didn’t and wasn’t even there and the ninjas did it. OMG the fucking bullshit in this journal. Please let it be lunchtime soon. YAY!! LUNCHTIME.

Back from lunch Juan had just a couple more questions regarding DV. DeMarte said in her opinion that Stabby is not a victim of domestic violence. She also said Stabby knew right from wrong and did not suffer from PTSD.

And finally the jury questions.
1. In your assessment was Stabby mentally ill before the murder. DeMarte said she doesn’t believe Stabby truly had BPD

2.What are the specifics about Geffners tests and errors? Dr.DeMarte any psychologist could pick up on his errors.

3. Juror wants to know about DeMarte’s experience treating domestic violence and sexual abuse. She refers back to her training.

4. Did DeMarte treat patients with or without supervision in 04? DeMarte says that she saw patients without someone in the room but met with supervisor weekly.

There were more but they were mostly along the same line which leads me to believe that the jury might be buying into this mentally ill shit but that’s me.

The some very weird things started happening in court. Sometimes Judge Stephens called all the lawyers to the bench. Then each juror was called privately into chambers. There will be no trial tomorrow. They are to return Wednesday at 9:30am.

that was just weird and nobody looks happy. Not the prosecution, not the Alexander family, not the defense, NOBODY.

So that is it for tonight. I’m tired and this is longer than it should have probably been.

RBMD peacing the fuck out.


The Motion Ruling I Promised You I Would Fix.

January 16, 2015

 

 

Don’t act surprised, we all knew I couldn’t help myself.

Disclaimer:  I AM NOT REALLY A JUDGE. I AM AWARE I AM NOT A JUDGE AND I AM IN NO WAY SERIOUSLY INTENDING FOR ANYONE TO BELIEVE THAT I AM A JUDGE. I JUST PLAY ONE ON MY BLOG.  ALSO, I TOTALLY JACKED THIS SIXTEEN ITEM MOTIONS JUDGEMENT FROM JEFF GOLD AND CHANGED IT TO HOW IT,IN MY OPINION SHOULD READ. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU JACK SOMEONE’S STUFF HERE IS THE LINK TO THE REAL DOCUMENT. http://www.thegoldpatrol.com/

SUPERIOR COURT OF KELLY

DISTRICT OF JUAN COUNTY

CLERK OF THE COURT-STABBY’S PENCIL

HON. RBMD

STATE OF FUCKED UP JURISTS and JUAN M MARTINEZ

v.

STABBY ANAL EINSTEIN(001) ALFRED E. NURMI

JENNY FROM THE CELL BLOCK    CHA CHA DE LA HOSA (UNDERBOSS)

RULING

The Court has considered the defendant’s  COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS AND FRIVILOUS Motion to Dismiss the State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to Defendant’s Inability to Present a Complete Case for Life (WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT EVEN MEANS) filed September 26, 2014 (with attachments BECAUSE WHY NOT), the defendant’s Motion to Dismiss State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to being whiny bitches October 1, 2014, the State’s Objection to Motion to Dismiss State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to defendant’s Inability to Present a Complete Case for Life filed October 6, 2014, the State’s Objection to Defendant’s Motion to Dismiss Notice to Intent to Seek Death Penalty Due to Continue State Misconduct filed October 10, 2014, Motion to Dismiss State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to still being whiny bitches Supplement #1 filed October 24, 2014, the defendant’s Motion to Dismiss All Charges with Prejudice and/or in the Alternative to Dismiss the State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty BECAUSE THAT SOUNDED REALLY FUCKING COOL WHEN ALFRED E. NURMI THOUGHT OF IT AND HE HAD A BLANK MOTION FORM HANDY both filed on November 10, 2014, the State’s Motion for Discover (Compaq Presario Computer)filed November 13, 2014, the State’s Motion for Sanctions (Compaq Presario Computer) filed November 16, 2014, the State’s Motion to Strike (Compaq Presario Computer) filed November 18, 2014, the State’s Objection to Defendant’s  Motion to Dismiss All Charges with Prejudice and/or in the Alternative to Dismiss the State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty because it sounded really fucking cool and a bunch of other horseshit that doesn’t matter anyway(NOTE TO SELF, FIND OUT IF NURMI THINKS HE IS GETTING PAID BY THE PAGE.) filed November 20, 2014, the Defendant’s Motion for Reconsideration: Motion to Dismiss State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to Defendant’s Inability to Present a Complete Case for Life(SERIOUSLY DOES ANYONE EVEN KNOW IF THAT IS A THING) filed November 26, 2014, Objection to Defendant’s Motion for Reconsideration: Motion to Dismiss State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to Defendant’s Inability to Present a Complete Case for Life filed December 1, 2014, YOU KNOW WHAT, LETS JUST MAKE THIS A LOT EASIER FOR EVERYONE READING AND SAY WE ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH A BUNCH OF STUPID TIME WASTING MOTIONS THAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME COME TO ONE OF THE 4 IDIOTS OF THE APOCALYPSE IN THIER DREAMS AND ANSWERS FROM THE STATE TO SAID MOTIONS.

Prosecutorial misconduct is not merely the result of legal error, negligence, mistake, or insignificant impropriety, but, taken as a whole, amounts to intentional conduct which the prosecutor knows to be improper and prejudicial. State v. Aguilar, 217 Ariz. 235, 172 P.3d 423 (App. 2007). To prove prosecutorial misconduct, the proponent must show : (1) the State’s action was improper; and (2) a reasonable likelihood exists that the misconduct could have affected the jury’s verdict, thereby denying the defendant a fair trial. State v. Ramos, 235 Ariz. 230, 330 P.3d 987 (App. 2014); State v. Montano, 204 Ariz. 413, 65 P.3d 61 (2003); State v.Atwood, 171 Ariz. 576, 832 P.2d 593 (1992). To prevail upon a claim of prosecutorial misconduct, a defendant must demonstrate that the prosecutor’s misconduct so infected the trial with unfairness as to make the resulting conviction a denial of due process. Prosecutorial misconduct sufficient to justify reversal must be so pronounced and persistent that it permeates the entire atmosphere of the trial. State v. Edmisten, 220 Ariz. 517, 207 P.3d 770 (2009). There is a distinction between simple prosecutorial error and misconduct that is so egregious that it raises concerns over the integrity and fundamental fairness of the trial. AND ONE THAT ANY FIRST YEAR LAW STUDENT SHOULD PROBABLY KNOW State v. Minnitt, 203 Ariz. 431, 438, 55 P.3d774 (2002); Pool v. Superior Court, 139 Ariz. 98, 105, 677 P.2d 261, 268 (1984). Conduct is egregious when the material at issue was highly significant to the primary jury issue with the potential to have an important effect on the jury’s determination. Donnelly v.DeChristoforo, 416 U.S. 637, 647 (1974). The prosecutor has a duty to learn of any favorable evidence known to others acting on the government’s behalf in the case, including the police. It is the duty of the State as a whole to conduct prosecutions honorably and in compliance with the law. Kyles v. Whitley, 514 U.S. 419, 437 (1995). The trial judge is in the best position to determine the atmosphere of the trial, the circumstances surrounding the incident, the manner in which any objectionable statement was made, and its possible effect on the jury and trial. Statev. Nelson, 229 Ariz. 180, 273 P.3d 632 (2012): State v. Koch, 138 Ariz. 99, 673 P.2d 297 (1983). The prosecutor has wide discretion in deciding whether to seek the death penalty. Allowing prosecutors the discretion to seek the death penalty is constitutional. State v. Roque, 213 Ariz. 193, 226, 141 P.3d 368 (2006); State v. Spears, 184 Ariz. 277, 291, 908 P.2d 1062(1996).

Each BULLSHIT allegation of prosecutorial misconduct claimed by Defendant STABBY ANAL EINSTEIN will be discussed below AND WE WILL FIND OUT EXACTLY HOW EINSTEIN-Y SHE IS.

1. Potential mitigation witnesses will not testify. Defendant claims possible(PLEASE NOTE THE WORDS POTENTIAL AND POSSIBLE, THEY ARE KIND OF IMPORTANT. JUST SAYIN’) mitigation witnesses will not speak with defense counsel and others will not testify at the penalty phase retrial for fear of reprisal and/or “cyberbullying”. Defendant provided PROBABLY FORGED AND OR COERCED affidavits to support her claim in the attachments to the Motion to Dismiss State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to Defendant’s Inability to Present a Complete Case for Life(WE NEED TO CHANGE THAT IT JUST SOUNDS WRONG) filed under seal(BECAUSE THE DEFENSE ARE A BUNCH OF BIG FAT PUSSIES)  on September 26, 2014. In addition, the Court has reviewed the information provided in the sealed supplements filed on January 5, 2015 and January 7, 2015. In the defendant’s motion to reconsider filed November 26, 2014, Defendant STABBY ANAL EINSTEIN argues the decision made by the Court of Appeals on the special action has inhibited her ability to present a complete defense of her life since potential defense witnesses cannot testify in sealed proceedings. This Court disagrees BECAUSE  WE HAVE A FUNCTIONING FRONTAL LOBE. The ruling issued by the Court of Appeals does not address the testimony of any witness other than the defendant.  There are many ways to address the concerns expressed by these potential witnesses.

For example, it is possible that testimony of a potential defense witness could be provided through the testimony of another witness. (See A.R.S. § 13751(C), which provides the prosecution or defendant may present any information that is relevant to any mitigating circumstance regardless of its admissibility under the rules governing Docket Code 019 Form R000A Page 3

the admissibility of evidence in criminal trials.) In fact, that has occurred during the penalty phase retrial. During the testimony of the defense expert witnesses, Dr.SEXPERT and Dr. Robert GOOFY, the defendant elicited information obtained from some of the witnesses listed in the Motion to Dismiss State’s Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty Due to Defendant’s Inability to Present a Complete Case for Life, filed under seal on September 26, 2014. Other options are available if a witness is reluctant or refuses to appear and testify. Defendant could subpoena a witness to appear in court. See A.R.S. § 134071(A)(D). The name of a witness could be sealed to protect the privacy interests of that witness. Defendant could present information from potential witnesses through the mitigation specialist.(THIS IS TOTALLY THE ONE I SAY WE GO WITH JUST BECAUSE IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO WATCH MR MARTINEZ RIP APART CHA CHA.)  The testimony of witnesses who testified at the first trial could be provided to the penalty phase jury through transcripts or the video recording made by the court’s For the Record (FTR) system. Alternatively, affidavits and videotaped statements of a witness could be presented to the penalty phase retrial jury.  The Court finds the defendant has failed to establish any misconduct by the State throughout the course of these proceedings(BECAUSE THERE WAS NONE) that has impaired or hindered the defendant’s ability to present mitigating evidence and/or prove mitigating factors pursuant to A.R.S. § 13751(C). The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim. DENIED

2. Text messages were not timely disclosed. The State provided text messages sent or received OR JUST MADE UP by the victim in October 2010 after initially indicating to the defendant that these text messages were not available DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTY. Defendant argues there was exculpatory content within these electronic messages which was contrary to the testimony of Detective Flores at a hearing conducted in June 2010. As noted in the defendant’s motion filed October 1, 2014, many of the victim’s text messages and emails were admitted in evidence during the first trial. The defendant has reviewed many of the victim’s emails, text messages and gmail messages in great detail with her expert witnesses during the penalty phase retrial(MOSTLY BECAUSE SHE GOT SUCH A HUGE BUZZ OUT OF THE ONES SHE JUST MADE UP). Defendant has failed to establish the failure to provide the victim’s electronic messages earlier than October 2010 was for any reason other than the messages were not available due to technological issues. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim. DENIED

3. Defendant’s rights were violated by the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office. (REALLY? I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS SHIT TOO? FINE!) Specifically, Defendant alleges three incidents support her claim. First, Defendant alleges her jail cell was searched(LIKE OMG THEY ACTUALLY SEARCH PEOPLE WHO ARE IN JAIL FOR CONTRABAND AND WEAPONS? I’M TOTALLY SHOCKED BY THIS BIT OF INFORMATION) by jail personnel in February 2014. Second, in February 2014, the mitigation specialist was denied entrance to the jail after SMUGGLING the defendant’s drawings with her after a jail visit. Jail personnel deemed the  drawings to be contraband. Finally, in May 2014, a legal document (a photocopy of a book) was taken from the defendant’s cell during a jail search. Defendant “suspects” the book was copied and provided to the prosecutor. These matters were previously addressed by the Court. Defendant cannot show the searches were other than  routine searches conducted as part of security protocols at the jail. Defendant cannot show any prejudice to her case as a result of these jail searches. Defendant failed to provide any evidence to support her allegation that the book taken from her cell was photocopied and/or provided to the prosecutor. With regard to the mitigation specialist, the matter was resolved within a one week period and the mitigation specialist was permitted to resume visits with the defendant(EVEN THOUGH IN MY OPINION THE BITCH SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESTED ON THE SPOT. STILL THINKING ABOUT IT CHA CHA, WATCH YOUR STEP IN COURT.) See minute entry dated May 27, 2014. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon these claims. (MAN THEY REALLY ARE GETTING DESPERATE AREN’T THEY?) DENIED.

4. Inconsistent testimony was given by Detective Flores regarding the sequence of  injuries sustained by the victim. (IS THIS EVER GOING TO GO AWAY. CHRIST I WANTED TO WATCH TV SOMETIME THIS WEEK, ERR I MEAN)The defendant argues it was prosecutorial misconduct for the prosecutor to elicit testimony from the case agent, Detective Esteban Flores, regarding the sequence of injuries sustained by the victim at the Chronis hearing knowing his testimony was inconsistent with the testimony of the medical examiner. In January 2013, the defendant sought a new probable causing hearing (Chronis hearing) arguing that the testimony of Detective Flores at trial warranted a new probable cause finding on the aggravating factor alleged by the State. The Court denied the request for a new finding of probable cause by minute entry dated January 10, 2013. Defendant filed a special action with the Arizona Court of Appeals.(BECAUSE SHE THINKS SHE IS A SPECIAL LITTLE SNOWFLAKE.) The Court of Appeals declined jurisdiction. During the guilt phase, the defendant cross examined both Detective Flores and the medical examiner about the sequence of wounds and the detective’s testimony at the probable cause hearing in August 2009. During the penalty phase retrial, the defendant examined both Detective Flores and the medical examiner about these issues FOR ABOUT 700 HOURS. SOMEBODY CHECK THAT. . Detective Flores has testified and explained to both juries the reasons for his testimony in August 2009. The medical examiner has testified regarding his expert opinion on the sequence of wounds. It is for the jury to determine the credibility of witnesses. The defendant fully explored and argued her position on the sequence of wounds. The Court finds the defendant has failed to show any State misconduct with regard to Detective Flores’ testimony. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this Claim. DENIED.

5. There was a delay IN JENNY’S WEED DELIVERY…NO WAIT, SOMEBODY READ THAT LAST PART BACK. OK, MY BAD.  in providing STABBY with the mirror image of the hard drive to the victim’s Compaq Presario computer created on June 11, 2008. The victim’s body was discovered in his home on June 9, 2008. The victim’s Compaq Presario laptop computer was found in the office of his home during the search that followed.  Detective Flores touched a key on the computer with a pen which awakened it from sleep mode. The computer was impounded as evidence on June 10, 2008. On June 11, 2008, the Mesa Police Department made a mirror image of the Toshiba hard drive that was on that laptop computer. The State disclosed the laptop computer to the defense. On June 19, 2009, the laptop computer was turned on and accessed at the Mesa Police Department during a review of evidence meeting attended by attorneys representing the defendant. The case agent, prosecutor, and defense investigator were also present during that meeting.  On January 31, 2013, Lonnie Dworkin, an expert witness for the defendant, testified at the guilt phase trial that he had reviewed items at the Mesa Police Department, including item #390633, the Compaq Presario laptop computer that belonged to the victim. Mr. Dworkin testified he received a mirror image of the Toshiba hard drive for that computer from the Mesa Police Department. According to Detective Perry Smith, who testified at the evidentiary hearing on December 11, 2014, that mirror image was created in December 2009. This mirror image contained changes made to the hard drive when it was awakened from sleep mode by Detective Flores on June 10, 2008 and changes that occurred when it was turned on for review by defense counsel on June 19, 2009. At the guilt phase trial, Mr. Dworkin explained to the jury the procedure he followed to forensically examine the hard drive he received in the E01 file format, including the steps he took to recover lost or deleted folders. He also explained the method he used to retrieve the internet history. Mr. Dworkin provided testimony regarding when the laptop computer was accessed on June 4, 2008. See R.T. January 31, 2013. On February 4, 2013, during cross examination at the guilt phase trial, Mr. Dworkin testified he recalled seeing some pornography on the victim’s computer AND THIS IS SO IMPORTANT I AM ABOUT TO HAVE TO WRITE FOR AN HOUR BECAUSE A GROWN MAN HAD PORN ON HIS COMPUTER. ARREST EVERY MALE AGE 18 AND UP RIGHT NOW.  but he was not asked to look for that type of information. See R.T. February 4, 2013, page 52, line 3 through page 54, line 3. During an interview with a Mesa Police Department detective on December 10, 2014, reference was made to a mirror image of the victim’s hard drive made by the Mesa Police Department on June 11, 2008. Defense counsel requested a copy of that mirror image. The State provided a copy of that mirror image to the defendant in December 2014. According to one of the defendant’s expert witnesses, Bryan Neumeister(WHO IN THIS JUDGES OPINION IS A TOOL. JUST SAYIN’), when the victim’s laptop computer was awakened from sleep mode on June 10, 2008, the computer downloaded updates that were not installed until it was turned on again. This did not occur until June 19, 2009. Thus, the mirror image created on June 11, 2008 should contain the changes made to the hard drive after it was awakened from sleep mode on June 10, 2008 prior to those changes being installed. There is also an issue regarding files being overwritten. The computer experts working with the parties are still analyzing the mirror image of the victim’s hard drive made in June 2008. On January 8, 2015, John Smith, a computer forensic expert witness hired by the defendant, testified at the penalty phase retrial. Mr. Smith examined the mirror images of the hard drive created on June 11, 2008 and December 12, 2009 as well as the original hard drive seized by the Mesa Police Department on June 10, 2008. He testified he had only 3 or 4 days to conduct a review of the June 11, 2008 mirror image of the hard drive. He testified he found data sites containing pornographic links to websites on the Toshiba hard drive. Mr. Smith testified if he had more time to analyze the hard drive it was possible he could have found more pornography links. Mr. Smith testified that none of the images he reviewed were an exact image of the Toshiba hard drive before it was awakened from sleep mode on June 10, 2008. However, the June 11, 2008 hard drive is the closest exact image. The source evidence and mirror images of the hard drive created on June 11, 2008 and December 12, 2009 contained the same pornographic data sites. These data sites provide the historical record to the pornographic sites visited or accessed by that computer. Mr. Smith testified he found artifacts or remnants of porn in the logs and history files. He testified he found no pornographic photographs, videos or other pornographic media on the hard drive. There was no indication data had been manipulated on that hard drive. Mr. Smith also testified the mirror images of the hard drive he reviewed were automatically modified or altered by the computer on June 10, 2008 and June 19, 2009 but the data files containing the pornographic links were still present after the alterations. Mr. Smith testified that the victim’s laptop computer contained numerous cleaner programs. The goal of these programs is to clean the computer and make it run more efficiently. These programs clean the registry and internet history and can be set to run at a regularly scheduled time or can be run manually. REALLY ALFRED E. YOU JUST MADE ME WRITE ALL THIS WHEN IN THE END IT ALL AMOUNTED TO A BIG BUNCH OF NOTHING. I’M RECONSIDERING THOSE SANCTIONS. On January 14, 2015, Mr. Smith testified that a modification to a hard drive does not change the data on the registry tables. No evidence files were deleted and the history or cookies were not affected when the hard drive was accessed on June 10, 2008 or June 19, 2009. The files that were modified or overwritten were the operating files. Defendant claims the failure to provide the defendant with a copy of the mirror image created on June 11, 2008 prior to December 2014 was an intentional disclosure violation. Further, Defendant claims that mirror image contains exculpatory evidence. No testimony was provided at the evidentiary hearing to explain why the Mesa Police Department provided Mr. Dworkin with a hard drive of the victim’s computer created on December 12, 2009. The Court has no basis to find the Mesa Police Department withheld evidence or refused to provide a copy of any evidence to Mr. Dworkin. To the contrary, a mirror image of the victim’s computer was given to Mr. Dworkin. As he testified at the trial, the focus of the defense at that time was not on the pornography contained on the victim’s computer. Rather, the focus was on the timeline of events that occurred on June 4, 2008. Mr. Dworkin was able to testify about those matters at the guilt phase trial. During cross examination at the guilt phase trial, Mr. Dworkin testified he had been interviewed by the prosecutor about the pornography on the victim’s computer but it had been two years earlier and he could not recall specific details or what he had stated during that interview. Exhibit 9 from the evidentiary hearing conducted on December 4, 2014, the Chain of Custody log maintained by the Mesa Police Department, shows that Detective Melendez and Detective Rios removed the computer from the evidence room on June 11, 2008, stating the evidence was out for investigation. Defense counsel and their expert witnesses received a copy of this log. Mr. Dworkin discussed protocols he followed for examining hard drives. As a computer forensic expert, he would have been aware that it is routine for law enforcement to make a mirror image of the hard drive. Detective Melendez was interviewed by defense counsel prior to trial and testified at the guilt phase trial and the penalty phase retrial. He was examined about his review of the laptop computer hard drive. There is no evidence he intentionally hid the existence of the June 11, 2008 mirror image or failed to provide a copy of the mirror image created in June 2008. According to the defense expert, John Smith, the content on the original hard drive (the “source evidence”) and all mirror images is the same with regard to the pornographic data sites to which Mr. Smith testified. In fact, the source evidence and June 11, 2008 mirror image are the same. Defendant argues that failure to provide the June 11, 2008 mirror image could have affected the jury’s verdict in the guilt phase trial because the State argued during closing argument that there was no corroboration for the defendant’s claim that she saw the victim viewing child pornography on his laptop computer. That issue is not properly before this Court. However, Mr. Dworkin testified at the guilt phase trial he had seen pornography on the laptop. Thus the defendant had the opportunity to pursue the issue during the guilt phase trial. The defendant has an expert witness who testified at the penalty phase retrial about the pornography links he found on the victim’s computer. The State may present evidence disputing the findings of that expert. However, the penalty phase retrial jury will have the benefit of the testimony about the contents found on the victim’s computer hard drive in evaluating the defendant’s testimony about what she says she observed the victim doing on January 21, 2008 as well as the testimony of the defendant’s expert witnesses. (OMFG I’M STILL NOT DONE WITH THIS. SOMEBODY IS GETTING TICKETED NEXT TIME THEY HIT GOLDEN CORRAL.)  The original laptop computer and hard drive were disclosed by the State and available for analysis by defense expert witnesses. The evidence at issue was on the source evidence (the original hard drive) and mirror images created from the source evidence. The penalty phase retrial is ongoing. If the defense expert finds additional evidence after further review of the 2008 mirror image, he can be recalled as a witness. Dismissal of the notice of intent to seek the death penalty is not an appropriate sanction for a discovery violation of this nature. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim. DENIED DENIED DENIED AND I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW

6. Social media postings by the case agent’s wife prejudiced the defendant. (,./MZ CBV XM,. .AS.,MAXNF.ADMN JT, SORRY MY HEAD HIT THE KEYBOARD) Defendant  alleges the case agent, Detective Flores, provided nonpublic details about the case to his wife who “tweeted” her opinions on social media. In addition, Detective Flores’ wife supposedly posted a video on You Tube which Defendant Arias describes as a mock movie trailer about the case. Defendant also provided copies of other social media exchanges in which the parties discussed trial matters including a claim that the defendant had a buddy write for her “in prison to create evidence for her story.”See EVERY PIECE OF WASTED PAPER THAT WAS ATTACHED TO THIS ASSININE MOTION. No testimony was provided at the evidentiary hearing regarding these claims BECAUSE WHO NEEDS TESTIMONY WHEN  ONE OF STABBY’S SUPPORTERS SAYS SO IN A LETTER TO THE DEFENSE. STABBY relies on the attachments to her motion filed on October 1, 2014 as support for her allegations. The Court has reviewed those attachments. The Court finds the defendant has failed to establish THAT DETECTIVE FLORES’ WIFE EVEN ACTUALLY EXISTS, NEVERMIND THAT IT WAS HER TALKING ON SOCIAL MEDIA. The attachments to the motion indicate SOMEONE WHO PROFESSED TO BE DETECTIVE FLORES WIFE stated there “was much condemning evidence and situations that most people never heard by watching the trial,” discusses the dismissal of a juror, and discusses a court assistant who allegedly made a derogatory statement about the prosecutor. The Court previously made a record about the matter involving the court assistant. The statement supposedly occurred in the courtroom, not a sealed proceeding. The court assistant denied making the statement. Whether there is any truth to the other statements purportedly made by the detective’s wife in her posts is unclear. The Court does not take lightly the allegation that Detective Flores provided nonpublic information to his wife about the case. Detective Flores has ROLLED HIS EYES SO HARD AT THIS MOTION I’M SURPRISED THEY DID NOT BOUNCE JAUNTILY ACROSS MY COURTROOM.  Defense counsel has not questioned him about these matters or provided any other evidence BECAUSE THERE ISN’T ANY that would permit this Court to find he violated any court orders. Additionally, some of the information referenced in the attachments may have been discussed in open court and thus there was no violation. There have been numerous court hearings on this case, including hearings in chambers and sealed hearings. This Court cannot recall all of the details of those hearings SINCE THIS TRIAL HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE THE INCEPTION OF TIME. Without transcripts or testimony by individuals present at those hearings, this Court has insufficient information to find a violation of the court’s orders. The Court is unaware of any legal reason the detective’s wife should be restricted from providing her opinion or commenting about the case on social media. Even if the court had evidence that Detective Flores had discussed matters from a sealed proceeding with his wife, Defendant has failed to show that it affected her case in any way. The penalty phase retrial jurors were questioned about any prior knowledge of the case including information obtained through the media. None of the jurors indicated any knowledge about these social media exchanges. Defendant does not allege how her case was prejudiced by these incidents. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim. DOUBLE DOG DENIED THE COURT ALSO HIGHLY RECOMMENDS THAT THE DEFENSE STOP LETTING A CRACKPOT WHO WANTS TO BE STABBY’S BESTEST FRIEND INTERFERE WITH THE DIRECTION OF THIS TRIAL.

7. Detective Flores allegedly commented or provided information to the press about the dismissal of a juror. BECUASE SOME CRAZY BITCH ON SOCIAL MEDIA MADE IT UP,  no testimony was provided at the evidentiary hearing about this claim. Exhibit G to the defendant’s motion filed on October 1, 2014 contains a social media message allegedly from the detective’s wife referencing a conversation with a juror that occurred in chambers. It is unknown how the information was provided to Ms. Flores. Defendant presumes the information came from the detective. Defendant does not allege how her case was affected by the social media statement. Even if the detective had discussed a sealed matter with his wife, Defendant has not shown that her case was affected in any way. The jurors empanelled for the penalty phase retrial were questioned about any knowledge about the case and none of them referenced any knowledge of this incident. Based upon the information provided, the Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim. TRIPLE DIP DENIED

8. The Maricopa County Sheriff(REALLY? THE SHERIFF AGAIN?) made harassing comments about POOR MUFFIN, I MEAN STABBY  to the media BECAUSE HE IS A YELLY, GRILLY, BAD MAN JUST LIKE JUAN. STABBY claims (A LOT OF THINGS, NONE OF WHICH HAVE BEEN PROVEN TO BE TRUE) the Maricopa County Sheriff responded to media inquiries about a pleading allegedly filed by the defendant and those responses were intended to harass the defendant. A document was filed with the federal court alleging violations of law relating to Defendant EINSTEIN. The document, purportedly filed by or on behalf of the defendant, alleged various ways(NONE OF WHICH WERE ACTUALLY DESCRIBED,  STABBY had been improperly treated while in custody. The media apparently contacted the Maricopa County Sheriff seeking his response to the allegations. The sheriff denied the allegations in the document. It is unclear whether the sheriff viewed any document prior to speaking with the media. However, the sheriff told the media that inmates are not required to state the pledge of allegiance in order to receive meals. The sheriff also stated he had no knowledge of a Hepatitis C infection at the jail. He denied that the defendant was videotaped while in the restroom and that he or his staff had intercepted letters from or to the defendant and provided them to the media. The sheriff also denied the allegation that the defendant was denied medical treatment while in the jail.  SINCE SHE KNEW NONE OF THAT WAS GOING TO FLY, Defendant now asserts she was harassed by the sheriff’s comments.(HMM, I WASN’T THERE/THE NINJA’S DID IT-THE SHERIFF HARASSED STABBY/HIS COMMENTS HARRASED ME) This situation occurred after the first trial and before the penalty phase retrial began. Defendant does not suggest that any information provided by the sheriff was inaccurate or misleading. During jury selection, the potential jurors for the penalty phase retrial were questioned about their knowledge of the case and any media coverage of the case. The defendant had an opportunity to question each potential juror about this incident. Knowledge of this incident was not reported by any of the jurors selected for the penalty phase retrial. Defendant has not shown any prejudice to her case from this incident. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim.  NEGADO

9. Detective Flores “awakened” the victim’s computer from sleep mode on June 10, REALLY, WE’RE BACK TO THIS AGAIN? FUCK IT DENIED.

10. Evidence was possibly destroyed when the victim’s computer was accessed on June 19, 2009. Detective Flores and the prosecutor were present when former defense counsel for the defendant viewed the victim’s computer on June 19, 2009. REALLY, SHE’S BLAMING HER OWN DEFENSE NOW? WELL, AT LEAST IT’S A NEW IDEA.  Turning on the computer at that time changed the hard drive on the victim’s computer. The Mesa Police Department made a mirror image of the victim’s computer on June 11, 2008, the day after the victim’s computer was seized. Any changes that were made to the hard drive as a result of turning on the computer without a write blocker on June 19, 2009 will not affect the content of the mirror image created on June 11, 2008. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim. JE REFUSE’

11. Prior attorneys for the defendant were ineffective. Defendant claims her former attorneys were ineffective on June 19, 2009 when they permitted the victim’s computer to be turned on without proper precautions being taken to preserve evidence on that computer. WAIT A MINUTE, DID I NOT JUST RULE ON THIS ONLY WORDED SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY? [あらがう

12. Detective Melendez testified at trial and the penalty phase retrial that he found no pornography or viruses on the victim’s computer. Detective Melendez testified at the guilt phase trial on April 23, 2013 that he examined the internet history on the victim’s computer and found no adult sites. He testified he looked at the computer files and found no images of children. At the penalty phase retrial, Detective Melendez testified he found no pornography or viruses on the victim’s computer. The defendant has one or more expert witnesses who analyzed the mirror image of the hard drive to the victim’s laptop computer. Lonnie Dworkin examined the hard drive to the victim’s laptop computer and testified on behalf of the defendant at the guilt phase trial. See paragraph 5 above. John Smith testified at the penalty phase retrial that there were pornography links found on data sites. In addition, he found viruses or malware on the victim’s computer. Detective Melendez was subject to cross examination at all proceedings at which he testified and can be recalled by the defense at the penalty phase retrial. Defendant could have called witnesses to dispute his findings at the guilt phase trial. The defendant presented evidence to the penalty phase retrial jury on this issue. It is the role of the jury to resolve any factual disputes, evaluate the credibility of witnesses and determine the significance of the evidence AND I STOPPED GIVING A FUCK 4 MOTIONS AGO. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim. BESTREITEN

13. Comments by the prosecutor during a bench conference were PRETTY MUCH DEAD ON.  Defendant alleges the prosecutor made a comment to Defense Counsel during a bench conference that was insulting and unprofessional. WAIT. WHAT? HOW THE FUCK DID MY CLERK EVEN LET THIS MOTION THROUGH. THEY ACTUALLY WANT ME TO CONSIDER REMOVING THE DEATH PENALTY BECAUSE POOR MUFFINS LAWYERS FEELINGS GOT HURT? DID SOMEBODY SLIP ME A MICKEY. AM I BEING PUNKED? FIIIINE!! BLAH BLAH BLAH LEGAL STUFF. DEFUCKINGNIED

14. The prosecutor harassed a defense witness BY DOING HIS JOB. THE MORE INTELLIGENT THAN EINSTEIN-Y ONE alleges the prosecutor harassed an expert witness at the guilt phase trial by suggesting the witness had inappropriate feelings toward the defendant. This matter was addressed during the guilt phase trial. The State suggested an expert witness for the defendant had Developed personal feelings toward the defendant and lost his professional objectivity. The prosecutor referred to a gift the witness gave to the defendant and the number of visits (12) the witness made to see her as the basis for his questions. See cross examination of Dr. Samuels on March 18, 2013. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THIS PART. A party is entitled to explore the bias, credibility and motive of witnesses. The prosecutor zealously cross examined the defense expert on these matters. Defense Counsel questioned the witness about these issues on redirect examination. The Court finds no basis to conclude there was prosecutorial misconduct. The Court finds no ground for dismissal of the indictment or the Notice of the Intent to Seek the Death Penalty based upon this claim.  CAN I ACTUALLY DENY THIS TWICE? SOMEBODY HAVE MY CLERK LOOK THAT UP.

15. The prosecutor signed an autograph OMFG DENIED.

16. Reluctance of witnesses to testify at penalty phase retrial. Defendant claims that potential defense witnesses have refused to participate in the penalty phase retrial because they fear the prosecutor may make “improper personal attacks in court and inspire others to attack them outside court.” See page 19, defendant’s October 1, 2014 Motion to Dismiss. ONCE AGAIN PLEASE PAY ATTENTION A party has the right to challenge the credibility, bias and motive of a witness unless the court determines the probative value of the evidence is outweighed by the danger of unfair prejudice or will confuse the issues. See Rule 403, Arizona Rules of Evidence. If the challenge is objectionable, the opposing party has the right to object and the court will rule. In this case, the prosecutor has zealously cross examined the witnesses. The courtroom is open to the public. The court cannot control what the public and media report about what they observe in the courtroom. OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT? MY HAND HURTS, I NEED A STABBY STRENGTH TYLENOL AND I ALREADY COVERED THIS SHIT. OTKAZ

17. The cumulative effect of the prosecutorial misconduct resulted in an unfair trial. OH PUHLEASE. THAT’S IT, I’M PEACING THE FUCK OUT. I’M A FAKE JUDGE I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO FINISH IT. IT WOULD BE WAY MORE FUN TO PLAY PIN THE PENIS ON STABBY SOME MORE. COME ON, YOU CAN GO FIRST. YOU KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHERE YOU PIN IT, IT GOES THERE. BEING A FAKE JUDGE SUCKS.

IT IS ORDERED denying the defendant’s ridiculous, monotonous, and complete waste of time never mind all the dead trees that have resulted from all these motions.

IT IS FURTHER ORDERED denying the State’s Motion for Sanctions (Compaq

Presario Computer) filed November 16, 2014 and the State’s Motion to Strike

FILED THIS 16TH DAY OF JANUARY 2021 2015
HON RBMD

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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- Garbage In Garbage Out Edition (thank you Jeffrey Gold)

December 16, 2014

 

If I lose this post again I’m just not fucking posting it- Arizona

Hai everybody. So, I just wrote and lost this blog. TWICE. We are having brown outs and for whatever reason my computer is not saving anygoddamnthing at the moment. I am not amused. But, I am dedicated if nothing else so I will try this one more time.

I have to give Nurmi some credit because he has pulled off a brilliant tactical move. He won’t say whether Stabby will or won’t continue to testify until he hears from the COA so Juan can’t make a motion to have her testimony stricken if she decides not to testify. And he did it just before he brought out the defenses next idiot for Hire Dr. Gefner. Otherwise known as the human ventriloquist dummy. Dr. Geffner of water spilling fame from the first trial. So whatever she said is still in the Jury’s minds, can’t be stricken and now we have some paid doofus to further pound whatever it was into their heads.

Jenny From the Cell Block is up on Direct and we are once again going through the entire life and times of Dr. Geffner. For those of you who missed the first time around, this is what happened: Harpo, who dis man is, Arizona

If foghorn Leghorn and General Custer had a kid, it would be the dude on the let’s try and make all these nice people think these are not the droids they are looking for sur-rebuttal train. Aerosmith was present for a scathing rendition of “Train Kept Rollin’ which had the entire gallery on its feet. The vet waited patiently as Conductor Stephens kept the minions shoveling coal and the train picked up speed. Jenny from the Cell Block took a stab (yes, I said it and it stays) at something new today. Boring the jury into submission just so they could get the hell out of there. We spent an entire day talking about the Foghorn leghorn Jedi Masters credentials. Where he went to school, how long he went to school, who he banged at school, how many bong hits he took at school, his favorite cafeteria food at school. The fact that he NEVER talked about Stabby, or read a police report only came up when he stared straight into the gallery and did that Jedi thing with his hands and said “None of those facts are relevant” The only time we were actually sure he was alive was when he got onto the subject of Janeen DeMarte and her Diagnosis of BPD. With a totally straight face he told Jenny from the cell block that he’s right, Janeen is wrong neener neener. It was a breathtaking display of testimony.

Alfred E. Nurmi spent a good deal of the day looking like he paid the vet to shoot a dart into his ass and Stabby stared at the jury like the death eater that she secretly is. All we need now is he who shall not be named, Harry Potter and a wand dual and the circle of life will be complete.

Jenny from the Cell Block is going to lose points in the beauty part of the pageant of the insane due to the ever growing bald spot on her head. Good thing she has all that poise and charm or she’d be out already.

Geffner actually managed to keep a straight face as he told the jury he determined Stabby didn’t lie or distort her answers on Dr. Demarte’s psychological tests. He also said the tests did not indicate an aggressive, hostile, or violent personality, but rather a crushed flower in the throes of PTSD. The sympathy vote missed the whole thing as she snored through the testimony.

Geffner decided court would be a great place to practice his standup routine. This expert witness with eighthundredmillion years worth of experience couldn’t operate the touch screen computer and managed to spill water all over himself, the witness stand, the floor, the vet and conductor Stephens a couple of times.

The highlight of the entire routine however was when Geffner, who has a familiarity with brains, you know like I have a familiarity with nuclear fusion, was asked to use his zero experience with autopsies to refute Medical Examiner Horne’s testimony about the gunshot coming last. The psychologist/standup comedian testified that in his inexperienced and totally untrained opinion, Travis could have turned into a zombie and totally continued to walk and stuff. Then he took another bong hit and braced while the dog handler put the attack suit on him before they turned Juan loose.

Somebody had some extra raw steak at lunch because a completely foaming at the mouth Juan fairly leapt out of his chair and charged the obviously terrified Geffner. He immediately crushed his non-existent credibility by informing the gallery that dudes testimony had been tossed as having absolutely no merit at several other trials where he’d been a witness. Mortimer Snerd just smiled and giggled in what seemed to be an attempt to keep the obviously rabid pit-bull at bay.

Juan then to the surprise of absolutely no one anywhere, proceeded to lay the smack down of all smack downs on the ventriloquist dummy sitting on the stand about Mortimers absolutely no validity, uniformed thoughts on Travis’ gunshot wound. The smell of brimstone started to permeate the air and we all wondered for a moment if Jenny would be called back from whence she came due to her stunning FAIL at ever calling this witness.

That was last time. Time has to be better right. He’s had practice now. He knows what to do. You would think that but no it was pretty much exactly the same.  Juan has already had to have two darts put into him because he got the illustrious Psychologist’s notes from the university of Malingering (thank you Stabby’s Pencil) for fun and profit at just past 11pm last night.  Geffner the human ventriloquist dummy is expected to be on the stand all week (oh goody) and Juan needs at least two days to interview him.  This time around Mortimer Snerd isn’t just going to talk about his interviews with Stabbykins he is also going to talk about every other experts interview with her which doesn’t sound quite right to me. Remind me to check on that.  He already has the Dr. Samuels I love you Stabbykins look on his face so she has obviously been communing with Satan again.  Since she doesn’t have a soul maybe she just traded him for some anal and a blowie?

Going over the MMPI2 that diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder and instead of arguing this time he is likely to agree, because agreeing means she has a mental problem and somebody on the Jury might go for that.

Stabby apparently reported lots of symptoms of trauma probably largely in part to things like killing a guy and then telling a bunch of bullshit that nobody believed and then being incarcerated. I’d be a little traumatized too.

The Jedi Master is now going over Stabby’s rather high score on Stabby being a psychopath. Bet they didn’t pay him to say that shit.  I got 5 that says that was said accidentally.  She also has major sexual issues to which the entire planet collectively said “No. Really?”

Since pretty much every time Stabby opens her mouth it is either self serving or an outright lie I would say most of what Geffner has to say is useless because if he hasn’t noticed she LIES.

He actually called the PTSD that she has from butchering a man a mitigating factor.  I shit you not he really honest to god said that.  He has however so far managed to not spill anything on himself so he is at least doing better that way.  Just as an aside the Jury isn’t taking any notes on the Psych testimony so whatever her super secret testimony was, it looks like they don’t really give a shit.

Mortimer Snerd admitted on the record that nobody knows what the fuck is going on in that psychotic little head of hers, it’s all just a guess.  ON THE RECORD.

That is it for today kids, but just think we have a whole week of this to look forward too.  Juan shredded him last time, I hope he brought the attack suit.

Have a great night. RBMD peacing the fuck out.

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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- The Erotic Bomb Edition

December 3, 2014

 

I know you are but what am I? -Arizona

Hai Kids. Hope tonights blog finds everyone well. I DEFINITELY hit a nerve with the last blog, because the mean comments came in fast a furiously. I refuse to post them (for now, I am saving them for a special edition along the lines of Mean Tweets with Jimmy Kimmel) but I won’t give them the satisfaction of seeing them on my blog right now. I guess they don’t know that I have moderation rights. If you don’t agree with something you can say so, just don’t say things like you want to fill me full of your body fluids or things like that. I am a rape survivor and things like that even if I wasn’t are just beneath anyone that wants to hang on to the title of human. Also, just because you brought my IQ into question, it was tested by my psychiatrist and it went off the scale.  Just sayin’.  I have an exceedingly thick skin and most of it I just find hilarious. Hilarious that I am getting so deeply under the skin of the Stabbyites. It fills me full of glee. I have also not been feeling my best for the last 5 days or so, so please bear with me if there are nights I do not blog. I am tired all of the time. I think I may be coming down with a cold or the flu and I feel quite unwell truth be told. I will do my very best, but until the surgery is over I have to consider my health.

We will get into the testimony of yesterday in a moment, but I wanted to bring something to everyone’s attention. Kirk Nurmi has been absolutely adamant that it is us, all of us on social medias well as journalists that are derailing this trial. He brings it up at minimum once a day. While there may be some validity to the way this trial has been sensationalized it does not in any way change the fact that Stabby killed a man by inflicting 27 stab wounds, slashed his throat deep enough to sever his trachea and shot him in the face.  That and the fact that Stabby herself was the one that courted the media leaves me with nothing to say except shut the fuck up already Nurms, it’s getting old.   That said, if he really believes that it is social media that is the problem, why is it that Cha Cha Delarosa, Mitigation specialist/dance instructor is one of the loudest, angriest voices on social media. I have reams of tweets that were written by her. She is constantly attacking anyone who hasn’t sipped the Kool-aid. Maybe Juan should bring this up in court. Actually, once I am done here I think I will send him off an email. He doesn’t use social media so it might not cross his mind that the entire defense team does. Things to ponder.

Because we all know that I don’t ever do anything without proof I present exhibit A.

Please Take note that in this first Screen Shot Cha Cha makes it perfectly clear that she does indeed work on the case.

ChaCha important

In this second post we see that Cha Cha gets her back up very easily when it is pointed out that a woman waaaaaay past her prime anyway managed to spell out cougarloucious instead of cougarlicious which was the intent.  Apparently Cha Cha has a way overinflated sense of self.  Wait…This is starting to sound vaguely familiar.

chacha1

In post 3 we see that Cha Cha cannot take any type of criticism.

ChaCha3

Post 4 is interesting.

ChaCha4

Post 5 shows that Cha Cha seems to be very thin skinned and combative.

ChaCha6

chacha 5

Post 7 speaks volumes doesn’t it.

chacha7
People that go to Walmart are also on the radar of her ire.  She seems to hate anyone who doesn’t support her views on things.

chacha8

Another seemingly combative tweet.

chacha9

I would love to tell her that we intelligent people are winning but of course as public enemy number 1, I am blocked from her twitter.

chacha10

She really has a thing for the less intelligent doesn’t she?

Now, this is not just some nobody that has no dog in this fight.  This is Stabby’s mitigation specialist who is privy to all kinds of sensitive information regarding the goings on of the trial.  She works for the defense team obviously.  You know, the ones who are on a daily basis bitching about social media and how it is derailing the trial.  Seems to me that Nurmi should maybe get a leash on his Mitigation specialist.  Like yesterday. It’s not people who have no bearing on this case you need to be worried about Alfred E.  It’s the people in your own camp that for whatever reason are also reaching for that 15 minutes of fame and boatloads of that murder money.

So, Stabby and the never ending trial.  As is usual court started late. We finally know why though. It is Stabby’s daily cavity search that some poor bastard has to perform.  Today they found One Whole Brown Sugar Cured Ham, 3 Christmas cd’s, a box of Frosted Flakes, and magazines in a folder marked Legal.   Jenny from the Cell Block arrived lugging to large bags and immediate began talking with Alfred E and ChaCha.

Defense then got up and left the courtroom.  Someone may have yelled free weed and we just didn’t hear it, or someone was offering really gaudy clothing from 1980 and they were trying to stop ChaCha from getting out there. As soon as everyone was back in the courtroom, Sometimes Judge Stephens called everyone up to the bench.  Sidebar is over in record time and Great Nana Dr. Sexpert was once again on the stand for more of the never ending re-direct.

Alfred E doesn’t even get a chance to get the entire first question out of his mouth before a madder than he has ever been in the history of ever Juan has objected and brings us to sidebar number 2.  Sidebar number 2 is over and Alfred E tries again.  Are you here in any way to say Travis was a horrible monstrous person? Dr. Sexpert says no which pretty much throws the pedophile accusations directly out the window.  Stabby must be thrilled.   Nurms keeps going.  Are you hear to say Travis got what he deserved? Juan snarls and exception and we have sidebar number 3.  Back from sidebar Alfred E is trying to have a new exhibit introduced and of course the completely rabid pitbull objects and you guessed it we are now on number 4. Back from sidebar the exhibit is admitted and Nurms asks Great Nana Dr. Sexpert about it.  Over the long weekend the 5 hour rant that was really a two hour conversation has now magically turned into a 6 hour rant. My head hurts already.  BRB gotta take a Tylenol.   Sidebar number 5 is called and the sometimes Judge mercifully calls a 10 minute recess.

After the break that we all wished would last till the old bat died of old age, Nurmi has great Nana Dr. Sexpert start reading text messages.  Dr. Sexpert is using the text messages to turn the 2 hour conversation into a six hour rant.  Juans objections are flying like machine gun bullets as Nurmi gets Great Nana to go over the exact same thing that she has been going over for the last billion days.  If you hear the same lies over and over again they will somehow magically become truths.  Aaaaaand suffering in silence just once again reared its ugly head except now they were both suffering in silence.  Dr. Sexpert says that most children do not call their parents by their first names to which I say “unless even as a kid you don’t think the rules apply to you.”

Dr. Sexpert has now taken it upon herself to become Stabby’s cheerleader and tries to remind the jury of the non existent physical abuse that poor Stabby suffered at the hands of her parents.  For the billionth time she states that she is not there to diagnose or treat anyone while she continues to diagnose EVERYONE.

Juan is back up and the vet took one look and peaced the fuck out.  We have a loose Juan with no dart in him.  This may not turn out well.   Juan is now having Great Nana Dr. Sexpert read some emails that Nurmi must have missed, because he wouldn’t leave out anything that might paint Travis in a good light on purpose…Bwahahahahahahahahahaha

The more into it they get the more defensive Dr. Sexpert is becoming.  She is very confused as to times and what she said and didn’t say and of course she is blaming the state saying that they are misrepresenting her earlier testimony. It is in regards to her statement about the five hour rant that was a 2 hour text conversation that is now a 6 hour rant that she says she never said.  Now she says that it has been taken out of context.   With that the pitbull leaves Dr. Sexpert to pick her entrails up off the floor and try and put them back.  And it’s lunch.

Court has reconvened and the Juror Questions are up.  The first question was “was the sex with Miss Reid the same as the sex with Stabby.  Dr. Sexpert says no, the sex with Stabby was more exploratory.  The  Jury then asks if Chris and Sky Hughes’ opinions could have changed between the time they wrote the email & the death.  Dr. Sexpert conceded that it was likely.  The Jury asks a couple more questions and Alfred E. is back up.

Dr. F explains that  Stabby and Travis’ relationship was “more sexually involved” than Reid’s. You know because Deanna was a nice girl who had problems with sticking food items in her cooch and taking it up the ass on a regular basis.  Dr. Sexpert  calls it an Erotic Bomb.  She then said that Deanna did not want to continue a sexual relationship unless they were going to get married.

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The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Retrial-The Suffering In Silence Edition

November 25, 2014

I know I have said it before but; AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!-Arizona

Hai everybody. Been a minute hasn’t it? I have emailed Jim Blackburn about 6 times now and he keeps promising me as soon as he can get to it he will and I don’t want to keep bugging him so I guess we will wait on the Jeffrey(the hippies did it)McDonald story.

Sorry about last night, windstorm was crazy and I had no power for just about ever. I did get the generator out long enough to leave a post here but I don’t know if everybody saw it. So, yeah no power, no blog. The only downside to living in the middle of buttfuck nowhere is you are hooped when stuff like that happens. Oh and just as an aside, generators are heavy as fuck.

I have a question for all y’all in the states? WTF are they putting in your water and shit? Holy. I did not have the internet last night because we had a huge wind storm and it knocked the power out. I get up this morning and Ferguson is on fire. Jesus Christ people. You know what? I get that people are angry, and frustrated, and probably filled with rage. What I don’t get; trashing stores that are owned by members of the community, lighting cop cars on fire that y’all get to pay for out of your tax money, and fighting against people that have BULLETS and shit. I watched for about 2 minutes and turned it off. What does this accomplish exactly? It is not going to bring that boy back and it sure as shit isn’t going to make the police less likely to shoot the next one and that whether or not you like it is just a fact. And for all us white folks out there. I think it’s nice and all you are showing solidarity, I truly do. But damn, don’t pretend like you understand what is going through your African American friends/neighbors/spouses soul, because unless somebody owned a member of your family and once that was over you were treated like you were livestock you just don’t. No matter how much you sympathize, you cannot, will not, EVER, understand the rage. It is like being non-Jewish and saying you understand what the Holocaust survivors went through. It is a patently ridiculous statement.

So Stabby. We started the day waiting for sometimes Judge Stephens and watching Nurmi google Alfred E. Nurmi and his reaction to what popped up. Either that or surfing twitter to check on those damn Jurors who might be using social media.

Sometimes Judge Stephens eventually showed up, Great Nana Dr. Sexpert was back on the stand and Juan, well Juan was about as mad as he has ever been. Three darts, and a half a box of good boy treats later, he was almost calm enough to get up and start cross examining. Almost.

He leaped up with a snarl and went immediately for Dr. Sexperts Jugular area. He started by asking about sexual practices and Stabby shaving the gaping opening to hell. He wanted to know if the fact that she went bald as a cue-ball was important to her? Great Nana Dr. Sexpert, who you will totally see before this is over has no bias what so ever (OMGLOLROFLMAO) said yes. Juan was on fucking fire. He wanted to know if what she was saying was that Stabby baring the curtains had to do with Travis. Great Nana Dr. Sexpert definitely seemed to be insinuating that but when confronted with the question head on said she didn’t know how Stabby groomed herself (BRB gotta find the Pretoria puke bucket) prior to this. Juan was determined to run this “expert” to ground today. Why didn’t you ask if she did this before? Are u saying this practice is so unique to Stabby and Travis that this was worth considering? She said that that wasn’t what she was saying but it totally was. The pitbull asked her if she did consider this though and she had to answer yes. Holy shit getting a straight answer out of this chick is like getting a bong out of Jenny From the Cell Blocks hands. FUCK!! And with that we were welcomed to sidebar number one of the day. Nurms is NOT amused.

Back from the sidebar, Great Nana Dr. Sexpert threw on her tri-focals and started to read a document while bitching about having to read said document, say it with me now, CONTEMPERANEOUSLY. She felt pressure to read the entire document to which I say, um aren’t things like the oh, I don’t know, DETAILS of the document kind of important? The pit bull said he was just trying to refresh her memory which I though was genius because it intimated that Great Nana Dr. Sexpert may have a memory problem. Hint, she doesn’t she just never read the fucking file unless the paragraph started “Stabby Said.” She went over the document and Juan said it was Matt that wanted to break up with Stabby and moved to get away from her. Great Nana isn’t having anyone dissing her Stabby and says she understood it that Matt cheated and they broke up. Juan then wanted to know if it maybe wasn’t just a little aggressive of Stabby to drive to confront Bianca, the chick that Matt was banging by this time. Dr. Sexpert actually kept a straight face while she said “nope, nuh uh, this is how every normal person acts.” Juan then said Stabby wasn’t suffering in silence at that time, was she? Great Nana Dr. Sexpert says this was a different relationship than Travis, which doesn’t really answer the question. Just sayin. She says she suffered in silence only with Travis. The pitbull was still on full roar and dart number 4 was deployed. The sarcasm dripping from his fangs he said “So you’re saying this suffering in silence skipped over Bobby, skipped over Matt, skipped over Darryl & landed right on Travis? Dr. Sexpert says she wouldn’t use the term skip over. (If she gets Juan to define something, I’m out!) Juan gave the expert a refresher course on the trials and tribulations of Stabby and her live ex-boyfriends aaaaaaaand sidebar number 2. We came back and the pitbull asked if she was refreshed as to the break ups. She said it described them but she doesn’t recall. Juan gently tells Great Nana Dr. Sexpert that she testified to specifics and she said “I don’t recall.” Juan got that quizzical look that all great dogs get when they are trying to figure something out and gently reminded her that she said it involved the computer. She said “I don’t recall.” Juan suddenly knew what was happening. That damn fog had rolled back in. He tested his theory. Isn’t it true Darryl tried to break up with Stabby and she’d have none of that? She said “I don’t recall he’d have none of it.” I’m starting to wonder if Great Nana Dr. Sexpert has dementia setting in. Either that or she watched all six seasons of OZ as a refresher course on how to testify. (HBO show from the late 90’s-early 2000’s. Google it.) Dr. Sexpert also could not recall when Stabby and Travis started to date, or her moving to seaside.

Juan got bored and moved on to more suffering in silence. He wanted to know if Stabby was suffering in silence when she went through Travis’ phone. Dr. Sexpert said no, that the suffering in silence came after. (BARF!) Someone remind me to send Mi’lady a Christmas card for sending me the puke bucket. Juan said that even when Stabby suspected that he was seeing other women she stayed in the relationship because she wanted to go on trips. Dr. Sexpert says that she kept that information to herself for a while. He brought up the balloon festival trip and Nurms suddenly woke the fuck up and brought up sidebar number 3.

And we were back and then back to the sidebar for number 4. Back again and Juan brought up the fact that they only dated for several months. Juan says that within two weeks of the break-up she moved from California to Arizona and the totally not biased at all Dr. Sexpert said “well, it’s not like they lived in the same ward or community.” Jesus if MY eyes rolled any harder they would be bouncing jauntily across the fucking room. The pitbull asks if that is pretty assertive? Dr. Sexpert counters that they had an ongoing sexual relationship. Well that isn’t suffering in silence is it? the pitbull roared.

Juan asked about Stabby playing peek a boo while Travis was making out with a woman. The still TOTALLY objective Dr. Sexpert said “well, she needed her social security card to which I say, What?” Juan asked the good ole’ Dr. Sexpert if peeping in someones windows is suffering in silence? Anyone see a theme here? Juan asked, “she won’t leave him alone will she?” Dr. Sexpert at least conceded that maybe Stabby was a little intrusive.

There was a 15 minute break and next we got to talked about being closeted and nope it’s not what you think. Apparently, the relationship that no longer existed and was just banging because like I have said a billion times, if some chick is throwing it around the guy is going to grab it, was “closeted.” It was closeted because Travis didn’t take out a half page add in the local paper that he was butt banging Stabby. when it was brought up that Stabby wasn’t running around telling the whole world she was banging Travis that was apparently different somehow because why the fuck not.

Stabby was looking kind of forlorn after lunch, but not Juan. Juan was looking…like the tranquilizer was wearing off. You are required to be informed and objective when you review materials but in this case you haven’t been objective, RIGHT? Dr. Sexpert said she used data points to keep it objective.

Next up was a chat log between Stabby and Travis which Great Nana Dr. Sexpert called a five hour rant. It was 2hrs and 10sec and Juan was all over her like she was a porterhouse steak. “You wanted to make this seem like Travis was out of control didn’t you?” snarled the mighty pitbull. “You were wrong on the time weren’t you? You went ahead and made a wrong statement to the jury.” Juan was in full attack mode now and Flores calmly put the attack suit on just in case he had to pole catch the ranting pit. 5 hours sure seems more impactful doesn’t it? He roared. And you also said the chat log was 16 pages when it was only twelve. You are supposed to be accurate right? Great Nana Dr. Sexpert said yes but the chat was formatted where it could be 16 pages to which once again I say WHAT? It is 12 pages or it is 16. It cannot be both.

We moved on to Dan Freeman and his sister and the trip they all took together. Juan said Travis wasn’t hiding her from his friends right? They went on trips together and when they got in an argument and Travis said something Stabby came right back didn’t she? That is not suffering in silence RIGHT? Juan then pointed out that Great Nana Dr. Sexpert said she had made an assessment of Travis to which she said no, it was more of an observation. The pitbull of course refused to back the fuck up and said “you made an assessment, a diagnosis out of this. Just what you said you aren’t doing right?” Next we got to define Assessment and I was about to quit this bitch like I said, but Juan was done and I figured I might as well see how much Nurmi did damage control for a bit. During that time we got another run down of Dr. Sexperts CV, the fact that sex sells and we shouldn’t be distracted and that she felt the state was insinuating that she was unethical and they mischaracterized her testimony. HINT No he didn’t. He didn’t insinuate a damn thing. He made it crystal fucking clear that is what he thought.

We are now recessed until December 2 2014. #giftfrombabyjesus

There you have it my lovelies you are now up to date on the never ending trial. RBMD peacing the fuck out!!

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The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law – The “You’re a Dick! No, You’re a Dick!” Hearing

November 22, 2014

Hello Students.  Please stand and face Florida for the singing of the Class anthem.  Now Salute!! Thank you take your seats.  Your Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery has had a very trying day.  There is nothing that I hate more than hearings.  Any kind of hearings.  Ones that have bearing on a case at hand are enough of a pain in the ass never mind the ones we are going to be talking about today where it is nothing more than a pissing contest in order to waste even more time than has already been wasted.

Before we start class, I have some announcements.  We have reached the half way portion of the term.  Congratulations to everyone who has made it this far as well as congratulations to Deb on giving up her sharp instrument fetish as well as to Silly for her stunning knife collection.  We will begin campaigning for who will give the fuckology address at graduation, so get out there and flog for votes.  Oh, and since ultimately it is my decision, I suggest bribes.  Remember what I told you in class before. If opposing council offers you large sums of money and nobody saw it, did it really ever happen?  In the event that your Law Professor needs to take some time off, BlueWhiteRed has agreed to run the class for me while I am away.  You will of course make your Dean of Fuckery proud and make sure to take notes and turn in all assignments on time.  BWR will be fielding all emails, comments, and will no doubt be requesting some guest blogging so please think of some subjects you may want to write about.  This is only if I don’t feel that I can blog while I convalesce.  The doctor assures me that if I am feeling up to it, I can blog from the hospital so we will see.

Take out your tablets, this is something that as lawyers you are unfortunately going to have to deal with on probably more than one occasion.

There are many reasons for hearings to be held.  There could be a problem with a witness.  There could be accusations of Jury tampering, there could be hearing regarding what evidence is admissible or whether an expert witness needs to be qualified.  These are all perfectly valid reasons to hold hearings.  Then of course there are the bullshit hearings that are meant to do nothing more than waste time and try and stall the inevitable a little bit longer.  In this category there is the “I need 127 more months with the evidence because 6 years wasn’t enough” hearing, the “I am offended by the press that I loved long time during the first trial” hearing and when all else fails and both sides want to punch each other directly in the nuts, there is the “you’re a dick! No. You’re a dick!” hearing.  That is the hearing we will be concentrating on today.

The “you’re a dick. No, you’re a dick hearing is basically where opposing council, a court reporter, the judge, depending on who council is a vet with a tranquilizer gun, two or three fake experts, the defendant in all its jingly jangly glory, the representatives of the family of the victim if they so wish and if it is a really good hearing usually a referee and a couple of medics. Once everyone is present the hearing will begin. Except it won’t because defense council will immediately begin telling the sometimes Judge at the hearing that he does not want his client filmed during the hearing. Just as a side note, if you passed contract law and you want to be a defense attorney, you can usually wrangle being paid by the word or word and length of trial. Things to remember when deciding what specialty to go into. Once defense is told to sit on it and spin the hearing can begin.

There will be some vaguely believable reason to have the hearing.  It will usually start with one lawyer calling the other lawyer a big fat liar liar pants on fire.  The insulted party will than usually come back with something like I’m not the liar, you are the liar and your expert is an idiot.  The first lawyer will generally come back with my expert is less of an idiot than your expert because they can make shadow animals in eyeballs to which offended lawyer number one will laugh and say oh yes the Taco Bell dog, I remember it well. He will likely present a visual just to prove he does remember this particular idiot expert. taco bell dog

 

After a bit more back and forth, the inevitable You’re a dick. No, you’re a dick will be given voice and that is when the fun really begins.

If you are dealing with a particularly um……lively attorney, tranquilizer darts 1 and 2 will likely be deployed and everyone will hope they have some effect.  There will generally be back up darts on hand just in case.  Then and only then can the battle of the idiot expert witnesses begin.

The referee will likely position himself between opposing council and near the top corner of where idiot expert number 1 is seated.

Opposing council will each have a go at each idiot expert.  It will quickly become apparent which side each idiot expert is working for.  Every once in a while you will get a bonus and you will have an idiot expert that was formerly and idiot expert in a different area of expertise.  Those are always a good time.  They are ALWAYS the cocky ones.

Lets say we have suddenly missing files on a computer hard drive.  Defense council will say that prosecution council knew about the files and deleted them on purpose.  Prosecution council will deny that this ever occurred.  Prosecutions idiot witness will say that there were ZERO files on the computer.  Defenses idiot expert that has already failed in one discipline will say that that there were 800 billion porn files that were deleted and will then proceed to get into an epic pissing match with the prosecuting attorney.  If you have a prosecuting attorney who needs to be tranquilized prior to being turned loose on witnesses, this is not generally recommended but can be hysterically funny.

First, the attorneys will argue with who asked for the evidence, who had the evidence, who turned on the evidence, how long they turned it on for, whether it was even the correct evidence, if there was even evidence and eventually it will get blamed on some third party who no longer has anything to do with the trial. This attorney will then become offended and they will offer testimony of the it wasn’t me variety. See our second class of the case study of the it wasn’t me defense. It wasn’t me will blame the prosecuting attorney, the prosecuting attorney will blame it wasn’t me and one or more of the idiot experts and if he’s good, like Juan Martinez good he will even get it alluded too that the defendant itself did it onto the record.

In extremely rare circumstances you may get an idiot expert that chooses that particular moment to completely lose their shit and that is when you leave stupid boring hearing and you have a party on your hands. This is also when you get to find out why there is a tranquilizer gun and a referee on hand. For brevities sake we will refer to idiot expert as BN for Big Numpti. BN may take several moments to up his laptop so that it can be projected onto the big screen. The BN will then explain what the current iteration of his area of idiot expertise is. The BN will then go over all the rules of forensics as he understands them. The first rule of forensics is that you don’t talk about forensics………..wait, I may have that mixed up with something else, your Law Professor is very tired. Anyway, BN will then go over the last time the drive with the missing files was turned on (maybe he tells it how hot it is and asks if it wants to see his disc drive or something who the fuck knows) how long it was on for, what it did while it was on, then BN will explain that turning the cpu on and off without an NCASE program in place violates forensics protocols. Then BN will go over of the Trojans and viruses that caused some of the porn files to magically appear and that there were also tons, like 80 bajillion porn files that were manually accessed. (why does manually accessed sound dirty when coupled with the word porn?) This type of Q and A will last for the better part of forever and you will probably fall asleep five or six times during this part of the hearing. It is only when the prosecutor gets up to examine the idiot witness that the fun and games begin.

First BN will say there were 166000 porn files on the hard drive. ONE. HUNDRED. AND. SIXTY. SIX. THOUSAND. this will be your clue that this particular BN is going in. The prosecuting attorney who has already been tranquilized will choose that moment to show the entire room that the dope doesn’t work anymore and snap at the BN “YOU’RE GUESSING RIGHT? YOU DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW.” BN will let us know at this moment that he has for sure gone insane when he refers to the prosecuting attorney BY. HIS. NAME. and fire back that the thing was packed with porn. Phones with missing sim cards may come up, and if the prosecutor is good like I said they will get it insinuated on the record that the defendant did something with the evidence to get rid of it. The BN may try to argue the point and the referee may have to jump in the middle to hold the prosecutor off long enough for another dart to be deployed before he snaps out “YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN THESE PHONES WERE SEIZED WERE YOU?” The prosecuting attorney will be by now foaming at the mouth at being challenged by the BN. It will quite frankly piss him off. If you think the prosecutor is dangerously angry at this point, start placing side bets on what it takes to push him completely over the edge and hope the BN says something like “Your question is irrelevant.” Then hope you bet within the next 60 seconds as the BN says “You don’t understand computers.” that should do the trick in most hearings of this nature.

The prosecuting attorney at this point should make suggestions that BN himself broke the hard drive. The obviously insane BN will have some charming retort like that is just slimy. Twice. The sometimes Judge attending the hearing will at about this point notice that the prosecuting attorney is very close to launching and possibly mauling the BN to death so the hearing will be called for the day and not reconvened for about a month, hopefully giving the veterinarian time to find some new kind of tranquilizer to use at the remainder of the hearing.

There you have it class, the You’re a dick! No. You’re a dick! hearing. Have a lovely evening.

Class dismissed.

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The Never Ending Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial- The Psychological Vomit Edition

November 20, 2014

You’re going to need a bigger bucket – Arizona

Hai kids, welcome to yet another edition of the trials and tribulations of Stabby Einstein and the whole entire funky bunch. Todays post is brought to you by Shirley’s House of Pain and Pleasure where their motto is “If you or someone you know has a kink, we can turn it into a mitigating factor for you.”

Since this is just kinda the way we roll now I will provide you with updates before we get into the meat of todays trial.

I am going to live. Sorry PV. I do not need a heart transplant and yes that was apparently a possibility for a while, but the docs have decided that I do not, they can fix what is broken in mine. I have something called Ebsteins Anomoly. I am going to have to have two heart valves replaced which I know sounds really scary, but sounds much less scary than a removal and replacement of my heart. The also have to do some procedure while they are in there to help with the electrical impulses in my heart. Not a pacemaker but along the same idea.

Now that we have that all taken care of, onto todays big bunch of bullshit that is the retrial that will never end.

The day began with Great Nana Dr. Sexpert back on the stand to tell some more of the story that the defense paid her to tell. Dr. Sexpert begins by saying that Travis did not see Stabby as a real person outside of the bedroom. My immediate question was since I don’t see her as a real person now, does that make me a bad person? Today Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is also getting into Travis’ so called vulgarities apparently criticizing Stabby for looking cheap. I think she left the whore part off, cheap whore sounds much more appropriate to me.

Stabby and Jenny From the Cell Block were barely aware there was a trial going on around them they were so busy whispering and giggling with each other.

Dr. Sexpert, who is an expert on the subject because she was likely there when sex was invented and may or may not have gone to pre-school with Jesus is somewhat less than believable when everything that Stabby did was okay and everything that Travis did was deviant sexual behavior. They are paying her $275 per hour to say what they want her to day and after three mind numbing day on the stand where we have learned that the sex expert doesn’t know what Jizz or a fuckbuddy is, is finally getting to the day of the murder.

Juan is objecting to everything Nurmi asks. Great Nana Dr. Sexpert says it was a vicious killing, Horrible and Juan objects to the word horrible. She keeps trying to describe the scene that day and Juan keeps objecting, I’m guessing because she wasn’t there so she has no foundation to describe the scene. Nurmi tries again. Was this murder viscious? Yes. Was it horrible and Juan objects and is sustained again on horrible. Nurmi asks how you go to sex four hours earlier to that and Juan objects and there is a sidebar. Again, just my opinion, but since the she wasn’t there refereeing, there is no foundation for her to answer the question. We sidebar right up till lunchtime. Since everyone is aware that Juan is going to be up on cross at some point in the near future the vet is quietly brought in with extra tranquilizer darts and a case of goodboy treats are deposited on the prosecution table. The vet is looking decidedly nervous since Juan has been on full snarl since trial started this morning.

After lunch Alfred E. says he has just a few more questions. Dr. Sexpert says something happened in that bathroom but she doesn’t know what because she wasn’t there to which the entire planet replied “No. Really?” Nurms tried to wrap everything into a nice tidy this all happened because of abuse bow while a snarling and snapping Juan objected to everything through the muzzle that was about to be removed.

She says that what happened in that bathroom was Psychological vomit. Now there is a catch phrase for an office pamphlet. We specialize in psychological vomit. I know I’d want her for my paid expert. I got some vomit for ya, you crazy old bat. This by the way is Great Nana Dr. Sexpert. great nana Dr. Sexpert 2 She looks a lot more like an expert in mahjong than in deviant sexual behavior.  My lawyer emailed me about 3 hours ago and all it said was HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sex expert. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Flores quickly removed the muzzle and threw himself backwards while the vet aimed and fired. The first dart hit home but we won’t know for a few minutes if it is having the desired effect.

The dart didn’t work. “When her father smacked her across the back of the head and she yelled “FUCK YOU BILL” would you call that suffering in silence like you have been alluding too? Suddenly Great Nana Dr. Sexpert didn’t look quite so comfortable on the stand. Nurmi of course objects to everything. At one point I think he may have objected to his own objection.

Juan asks about a transcript of an interview with Carl. Dr. Sexpert says she never reviewed that transcript. Juan then barked out who is Carl. Dr. Sexpert answered (and I’m not making this up) Stabby’s Father. Once he was done laughing Juan said no, it’s her brother and then he said (you stupid useless bitch) in that tone only other dogs can hear.
Juan is demanding yes or no answers and Dr. Sexpert seems to think she doesn’t have to provide them. I guess she didn’t see what mincemeat LaToilette looked like and it looks like she may be headed in the same direction. He wants to know if she reviewed all the documents and she seems unsure and then he did it. He asked Dr. Sexpert if she was having problems with her memory and I laughed till I almost fell out of my chair.

It has been under 20 minutes and Great Nana Dr. Sexpert is beginning to crack like a walnut. A really, really old walnut. Nurmi of course is trying to do damage control and asked for a sidebar I would assume to let his expert collect herself. Good luck with that Nurms. Your expert is not prepared.

Sidebar is over and it would seem that Dr. Sexpert is anxious to spar with the mighty pit bull. Maybe it was all the talk of sexual deviance that didn’t exist that got Great Nana Dr. Sexperts juices flowing but she was definitely ready to roll around with Juan for a bit and Juan was every bit as ready to make her his bitch. And he proceeded to do just that. Juan asks a question, she tries to dance and it is that moment that sometimes Judge Stephens remembered that she is indeed sometimes a Judge and ordered Dr. Sexpert to answer. The good Doc seemed less than amused that she was not allowed to continue to offer complete dissertations instead of yes or no answers. Stabby was in deep discussions with Jenny from the Cell Block probably telling her she better get a leash on this expert or she was gonna get Stabbied. Juan got her to admit that she flitted from boyfriend to boyfriend and was not the stable slice of happy that Dr. Sexpert was trying to make her out to be.

Juan is now showing Dr. Sexpert a whole shit ton of papers that she has never seen. I’m SHOCKED. They all say that Stabby is a sociopath. Dr. Sexpert had no idea. It was a beautiful moment. She also has no idea at what point Stabby and Travis became a couple. Silly little facts that are maybe kind of important. She finally just agreed to go with 2007. YAY we’ve made progress. Juan actually had to prod her by asking if she watched the 48 hrs program. Dr. Sexpert said yes. Juan said do you recall her saying the date that they started dating? She said she vaguely remembered something like that. Pesky damn details anyway.

Dr. Sexpert didn’t feel that Stabby’s admitted violent streak, you know the one where she kicked holes in walls, smashed mirrors, maybe strangled a cat and disappeared a dog were not important facts to consider after a vicious murder. She outright admitted that Stabby’s anger issues had no bearing on her opinion on the case. (and then Jenny had someone wheel some more money out to Dr. Sexperts car) She said that Travis was the poisonous ingredient in the relationship and Stabby being a violent sociopath had nothing to do with it.

Juan asked if she was a mind reader for trying to answer questions before they are asked. She said she wished which of course is the totally professional thing to say in answer to that question.

Juan jumped slightly forward as another tranquilizer dart was successfully deployed and then continued with his questioning although he did seem to mellow just a little. He wanted to know if she knew the secret. She was rendered speechless. Of course he was referring to the Secret that Stabby adhered to that was in the notes that Dr. Sexpert had obviously not read.

Nurmi had a very bad day objection wise. He got overruled almost every time. Ahhhh, they must have had a lovers quarrel. Dr. Sexpert admits that all the info she went by was provided by the defense because that is who she was hired by.

Juan then put up the text about how she was getting her cooch waxed so it would be nice and smooth and asked Great Nana Dr. Sexpert which one of them instigated that particular email and poor Dr. Sexpert had to concede that it was the totally not seasoned stabbykins.

Court was dismissed till Monday at 9:30 am and we have a hearing about Nurmi’s evidence tampering tomorrow. YAY!! It would be so cool if he conducted the rest of his trial from closed circuit television from a prison cell.

That is it for tonight kids. Have a great night and I will C U 2morrow if I get anything about the hearing.

RBMD Peacing the fuck out.

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