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The Never Ending Saga of Stabby Fucking Einstein

July 6, 2018

Please Rise and Salute The Flag of the Great State of Arizona and then Salute Kirk Nurmi For His Testicles Finally Dropping.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IN THE COURT OF APPEALS STATE OF ARIZONA DIVISION ONE

STATE OF ARIZONA, No. 1 CA-CR 15-0302 Appellee, v. JODI ANN ARIAS, Appellant. Maricopa County Superior Court No. CR-2008-031021-001 DT

APPELLANT’S OPENING BRIEF

MARICOPA COUNTY PUBLIC DEFENDER

Deputy Public Defenders Downtown Justice Center 620 West Jackson, Suite 4015 Phoenix, Arizona 85003 Telephone (602) 506-7711 ACE@mail.maricopa.gov Attorneys for APPELLANT

Not a Judge Sherry Stephens and Totally Should be a Judge Kelly McFadden Presiding

Ladies and Gentlemen we are going to start with some off the record housekeeping matters. Firstly Stabby’s Pencil is still out on mental health leave so Stabby will be afforded a crayon. If anyone hears any shrieks of laughter up and down the hallway it is just Kirk Nurmi and it should be ignored. We get it Kirk and the neener neener was probably not necessary. The vet, a box of good boy treats and the tranquilizer gun have all been placed on stand by. Totally should be a Judge Kelly will be working most of the first part of what we are all sure is going to be an overly dramatic and way to long appeals process.

The Repellant er I mean Appellant has made several million assertions in her opening (good god is this really just the opening) brief which we will of course have to cover. Pretoria was polite enough to forward all unused puke buckets and they are located at the ends of the aisles for your convenience. As the law dictates you are allowed and encouraged to ask any questioned of the lying ho, sorry I mean appellant that you feel are pertinent. Okay I think we are ready to go so I will hand things off to Totally should be a judge Kelly.

Good afternoon everyone. I have been handed a note that the citizens of earth would like to just go ahead and apologize now that you have to be here. Thank you citizens, we accept your apology.

So lets deal with this shit. Firstly I am going to have to cover exactly what an appeals process entails.

For your edification : Appeal: A request to a higher court to review the lower court’s proceedings and outcome. The defendant argues that the lower court violated his or her rights in some way that warrants getting a new trial or a reduced sentence. Direct Appeal: Filed with the Arizona Court of Appeals. In death penalty cases, the direct appeal is filed with the Arizona Supreme Court. Opening Brief: A written document in which arguments are presented that the defendant’s conviction or sentence is improper and should be reversed.

What we are dealing with today believe it or not is just the opening brief. All 5 million pages of it. Seriously could she have crammed any more stuff in this thing? Jesus H Christ the only thing missing is the chorus from O Holy Night.

Since there is so much garbage to get through I am breaking it up into parts and this is what we are starting with. My answers to statements will be in italics.

STATEMENT OF THE CASE

1

The state indicted appellant, Jodi Ann Arias, for the murder of her boyfriend, T.A. (Instrument 1, hereinafter I.). The state charged her with first degree premeditated murder or in the alternative, felony murder. This is a factual statement that actually happened.

On October 31, 2008, the state made notice of its intention to seek the death penalty. (I. 32-33). On August 7, 2009, the court held a Chronis hearing and found that the state presented probable cause to support one aggravating factor: the crime was committed in an especially cruel manner. (ME 8-10-09). The parties could not settle after a settlement conference. (RT 7-5-11, pp. 2-58). They conducted a second settlement conference before the retrial, which was also unsuccessful. (ME 10-24-13). If this is part of her appeal you will have to excuse me while I bang my head off of the keyboard. aoehtaefhsd. Her idea of a settlement was 10 years for basically killing the man 3 times.

Stabby’s trial began December 10, 2012, with

jury selection. (RT 12-10-12, p. 12). The jury found Arias guilty of first degree murder on May 8, 2013. (RT 5-8-13, p. 11). The aggravation phase began May 15, 2013. (RT 5-15-13, p. 4). The state sought to prove one aggravator, the killing was done in an especially cruel manner.

 

, p. 9). At the conclusion of the aggravation phase, the jury found that the state proved this aggravating factor. \

Please note there may be a slight discrepancy in the cites to the record depending on whether one is referring to the electronic version of the transcripts or the hard copy of the transcripts.

 

2 The penalty phase began May 16, 2013. (RT 5-16-13, p. 53). It concluded on May 23, 2013, when the jury could not agree on life or death. (RT 5-23-13, p. 8). The court declared a mistrial. (I. 1154; RT 5-23-13, p. 10). The defense argued a Motion for Mistrial on May 20, 2013. (RT 5-20-13 #1, pp. 9-18). The court denied that motion. Because there was no reason for a mistrial.

, p. 18). The defense filed a Motion to Vacate the Aggravation Phase verdict pursuant to Rule 24.2. (I. 1174). The court denied that motion. (ME 8-9-13).

Arias’s retrial began September 29, 2014. Once again, the jury could not

agree on a sentence. (I. 2058; RT 3-5-15, p. 6). The court declared a mistrial.

The court sentenced Arias to natural life. (RT 4-13-15, p. 56). The parties stipulated to the amount of restitution. (ME 6-22-15). Arias filed a timely Notice of Appeal. (I. 2083). This Court has jurisdiction pursuant to Article 6, § 9 of the Arizona Constitution, and A.R.S. §§ 12-120.21 (A) (1), 13-4031 and 13-4033 (A).

3

FACTS (Oh this should be good)

This appeal is about Jodi Arias and T.A., whose lives were bound together by secrets. Arias grew up in northern California. (RT 2-4-13 #1, pp. 101-102; 116; 122). Stabby’s  parents abused her physically. (facts not in evidence)

, pp. 101; 104-108). She moved out when she was seventeen years old. (

, pp. 122-125). Arias left school and worked as a waitress. (

 

, pp. 122; 125). She supported herself. (when she wasn’t mooching off of whatever guy she had entranced with her slutty ways)

, pp. 125; RT 2-4-13 #2, p. 21). Arias found work waitressing at resorts in Crater Lake and Monterey. (RT 2-5-13, pp. 9; 20). She lived in Palm Desert, California for four years with her boyfriend, D.B., and was happy there.

, pp. 30; 39-41). Arias was a spiritual seeker, always interested in self-improvement. (facts so far out of evidence they may be circling jupitor)

, pp. 7-

8; 84). She became involved in “PPL,” Pre

-Paid Legal Services, a Pyramid scheme, lets just call a spade a spade here mmmkay.

, pp. 56; 61). She enjoyed the inspiring, motivational PPL functions. (

, pp. 75; 84). She met T.A. at a PPL function in Las Vegas in September of 2006. (

, pp. 62; 67). T.A. was an executive director of PPL. (

, p. 69). He approached Arias at a social function and introduced himself. (

, p. 68). They spent time together that weekend.

 

, pp. 70-74). She was his date at a formal banquet.

, pp. 70-74). She considered T.A. to be a new friend.

 

, pp. 97-100). After leaving Vegas, they talked on the phone every night.

, p. 106). By the weeks end stabby broke up with D.B.

, pp. 98-99). She wanted to start a family. (and hopefully at some point collect a bunch of spousal and child support)

, p. 99). D.B. did not want to get married. because he was a smart, smart man

, pp. 102-103). Arias and T.A. met the following weekend at their friends’ residence in California for a pyramid scheme event

, pp. 103-104). Once everyone was asleep, T.A. arrived at Arias

’s bedroom for a night time rendezvous. because of course he did, she was giving it away for fucks sake.

, p. 106). T.A. initiated sexual contact. Assuming facts not in evidence and my personal guess is someone named stabby initiated sexual contact

 

, p. 118). Arias knew that T.A. was Mormon. That is actually a true statement

, p. 90). He wore his temple garments during that sexual encounter. Assumes facts not in evidence and EWWWW

, p. 121). The next morning, they attended a Mormon church service together.

, p. 126). T.A. encouraged her to explore Mormonism.

, pp. 129-130). T.A. was a priest of the order Melchizedek and a respected church member. (RT 2-13-13, pp. 133-134). Arias believed T.A. was superior to her in all matters concerning religion. (I’m gonna give her this one.)

, p. 134). He gave her a copy of the Book of Mormon and sent missionaries to visit her at her home. (RT 2-5-13, p. 129). Two months after they met, T.A. baptized

Arias into the Mormon religion. (RT 2-6-13, pp. 25-26). After the baptism ceremony, the couple returned to Arias home where they had sex (assumes facts not in evidence)

, pp. 45-47). The Law of Chastity forbids sexual contact between unmarried persons. (RT 1-30-13, p. 96). T.A. instructed Arias that the church permitted sexual contact but not vaginal intercourse. (RT 2-6-13, p. 17). Arias trusted T.A. when he assured her that oral and anal sex between unmarried persons were acceptable. (so einstein is an idiot. Is that what we are going with?)

, pp. 20; 16-17). Eventually, the unmarried couple engaged in vaginal intercourse as well as other types of sexual behavior. How many fucking types are there we’ve covered anal, oral, vaginal, desserts, what’s missing maybe livestock?

, p. 99). Arias and T.A. became an exclusive couple in February of 2007

, p. 51). They met at PPL events and travelled together to visit Mormon historical sites.

, pp. 100; 122). Travelling together as an unmarried couple was frowned upon by Mormons. (RT 1-30-13, p. 24). T.A. assured her that the church approved of their sexual relationship. ( I CALL BULLSHIT ON THIS ENTIRE STATEMENT)

 

We will pick up with the rest of the opening salvo tomorrow. I need a tylenol and maybe a xanax or something.

RBMD peacing the fuck out

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Jodi Arias -The Stabby Diaries.

May 13, 2013

Oh my god MY EYES-Arizona

Well everybody I’m back from my mother of a day and ready to get back to work.  Thank you in-house Psychic for that wonderful job yesterday.

Today’s post is brought to you by Gravol, because you are going to need some by the time we are finished.  For today’s entry,  I bring you the Stabby Diaries.  These appear to all have been written post arrest and could totally be forgeries but much like Stabby, if I write it, it must be true so neener neener Stabby.

July 15, 2008 – Dear Diary.  I can’t believe this.  I, Me, Jodi Girl have been arrested.  And with no makeup on.  How could this have happened.  First of all, this cop Flores, is much smarter than I gave him credit for.  I keep forgetting that I am not the only person on earth and there are a very few intelligent people out there.  I was shocked when he didn’t believe my totally made up bullshit about not being there.  I was so convincing even I believed it.  So ok, I switched tactics.  I said someone else did it.  The good old bushy haired stranger defense.  Except without the bushy hair.  And they had a  misfiring gun.  It was a great lie, and I should know.  I cannot believe he wouldn’t go for that either.  He still thinks I’m hot though. He was totally checking me out.  I can use that to my advantage, because that’s what whores like me do.    Hey, maybe I can slut my way out of this.  Think Girl, think.  Meh, whatever, right now all I want is some makeup.  Later Diary.

September 5 2008 – Yay, it’s extradition day.  Thank god I am getting out of this shit hole in California.  I know once I’m back in Mesa I can convince these people who are so much less intelligent than me that the Ninjas did it.  Wait, did I tell them Ninjas last time?  Ninjas is so much better.  I better add that in.  Here come the guards.  Sorry about where I have to hide you diary, but at least it’s nice and roomy. Later.  JAA

September 11 2008 – They want me to enter a plea.  Oh my god I am so above all this.  Can’t someone just do it for me.  I have to actually be shackled and dragged in front of some peon Judge and lie for myself.  What the hell do these public defenders get paid for?  Oh well, maybe it will be a male Judge and I can get this over with today.  One meeting in chambers should do it.  They don’t call me a three hole wonder for nothing.  Gotta go Diary.  Back in your hiding spot.  Oh wait….never mind, there is enough room for both.  I’m out JAA

September 12 2008.  I AM FAMOUS.  I totally knew I would be some day.  I did my very first press interview with the Arizona Republic.  I told them the same bullshit about how I didn’t do it.  I even threw in some crap about God knowing I didn’t do it.  Good thing I don’t really believe in God.  Hahahahahaha.  Idiots.  The reporter totally bought it.  Probably out printing free Jodi T-shirts right now.  Here is the key to getting away with murder.  Look concerned, act surprised, and deny everything.  Or better yet blame someone else.  JAA

September 24 2008 – Dear Diary.  The fame train just keeps rolling.  Inside Edition now.  I expounded on my bullshit about the two intruders that weren’t there.  He totally bought it.  OMG he was fawning all over me.  If it wasn’t for the guards we would have totally been making out.   As soon as I am found not guilty by a jury of people totally dumber than me, it’s off to Hollywood.   No Jury is going to convict me.  You can mark my words on that.  GOD that was fucking brilliant.  Planting seeds Jodi girl.  planting seeds.  JAA

October 31 2008 – Happy Halloween.  WHAT THE HELL.  Death penalty?  Can they do that?  How the hell can they do that when I TOLD them somebody else did it.  Oh well, no bother, there is no way somebody as pretty as me is getting the death penalty.  Shit, the way everyone is getting behind me I should be out of here by Christmas.  Yes.  Then I am Hollywood bound baby.  And my parents can suck it.  Well, off for some pod to pod trick or treating.  I’m going as Norman Bates.  Later.  JAA

That’s it for today peeps.  I gotta go pop a Gravol. I’m feeling a little ill.    Tune in tomorrow for more of the Stabby Diaries.

 


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